You are Ralph, a wizard living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a staff and
 a spellbook. You finish your long journey and finally arrive at the ruin you've
 been looking for. You look around and see that it's indeed a ruined city. The
 walls are gone, but the buildings still stand there. A few of them are damaged,
 but most aren't
> Check twitter on my phone

You quickly check Twitter on your phone to see if anyone has seen you or found
 out where you are. Nothing seems to be happening. You're not sure what to do.

The next day, you decide to go back to the ruins
> Look for signs of sheep

You walk through the ruins and find some signs of sheep. They seem to be grazing
 nearby. Maybe they were here before the destruction. You don't know. You can
 only hope.
> Feed the sheep pizza

You put some pizza on the ground and feed the sheep. It's not much but it'll
 have to do. You head back to the ruins.
> Explore the ruins

You wander around the ruins looking at things that catch your eye. There is a
 large statue of a man holding an axe and a woman with long hair standing beside
 him. The statue looks like it was made by a dwarf. You wonder who the people
 are behind this
> Carve my initials into statue

You carve your initials into the statue. It doesn't really mean anything except
 that you feel better about yourself. You also notice that there is a small hole
 in the statue. You think maybe it leads somewhere else?
> Turn into a mouse and climb through the hole then turn into a dire wolf named Alfred

You turn into a mouse and crawl through the hole. Then you turn into a dire wolf
 named Alfred. You run up to the statue and start licking it. You hear a noise
 and look down to see that the statue is now covered in blood
> Ask the statue what is wrong

You ask the statue what is wrong. It just shakes its head and says "It does not
 matter". You are confused so you ask again. This time it answers.
"It is not my fault".
> Introduce the sheep to the statue and start a game of poker

You tell the statue that you want to play a game of poker with it. It accepts
 and you both sit down. You both take turns telling each other what you think
 of them. After a few rounds, you realize that the statue is actually pretty
 nice
> Tell the statue I am glad to be it's friend. Ask if it wants to go to the football game next Sunday

You tell the statue that you are glad to be it's friend and ask if it would like
 to go to the football game next Sunday. It agrees and tells you that it will
 bring some friends along. You all agree and head off to the stadium together
> get some popcorn and a drink

You get some popcorn and a drink and enjoy the game. The game goes well until
 the end when the wolves come out to celebrate their victory. You watch as one
 wolf gets drunk and starts dancing around while another tries to keep him from
 doing something stupid
> use my magical powers to make the wolves sober

You use your magical powers to make the wolves sober. They thank you and give
 you a big hug. You are very happy and say goodbye to them. You head home.
> turn on my christmas lights and start playing Nintendo

You turn on your christmas lights and start playing Nintendo. You spend the rest
 of the night playing video games. You never did figure out why the world went
 to ****, but you are still thankful that you are a wizard
> turn the world into a ferret

You turn the world into a ferret. You live happily ever after..
 CONGRATS YOU WIN
Game saved.