KhaixLilly log

KhaiAmaya has joined the chat
LilithLaVeyan: -crosses her arms-
KhaiAmaya: I'm going to just say this and take whatever you throw or not throw. All that i ask if that you listen and here me out.
KhaiAmaya has changed the room to: Once Upon a Time
LilithLaVeyan: I'm listening.
LilithLaVeyan: It better be worth my while.
KhaiAmaya: First, the reason I left.
KhaiAmaya: The true reason, i should say.
LilithLaVeyan: Don't bullshit me either.
KhaiAmaya: It's not because i don't care about you or something in real life.
KhaiAmaya: The truth is, i was..truly scared.
LilithLaVeyan: I know this.
LilithLaVeyan: Why do you think I chased you?
KhaiAmaya: Scared because i was actually scared that something was working. I was paranoid thinking something was wrong, or that something awful would happen.
KhaiAmaya: So i ran.
KhaiAmaya: Told lies.
KhaiAmaya: Hid.
KhaiAmaya: blocked.
KhaiAmaya: It's the same cycle that i do every time..
KhaiAmaya: And i hate myself for it.
LilithLaVeyan: So I was told.
LilithLaVeyan: Obviously you weren't listening when I was talking to you.
KhaiAmaya: I'm really sorry..I wish i could fix it but i know that i can't.
LilithLaVeyan: Fix it?
LilithLaVeyan: Khai. How do you think you could possibly fix this.
LilithLaVeyan: Me.
KhaiAmaya: I can't.
LilithLaVeyan: Do you have any idea what you did to me?
LilithLaVeyan: NOT only that.
LilithLaVeyan: I had to deal with Crow, Zero and among other people. Making advances on me
LilithLaVeyan: As im trying to dela with the fact of you up and abandoning me
LilithLaVeyan: I did not eat. For 3 days.
LilithLaVeyan: I did not Sleep. For 6 days.
KhaiAmaya: v.v
KhaiAmaya: I'm a horrible person..
LilithLaVeyan: I cried. More than a fucking school girl at a chick flick
LilithLaVeyan: You should feel horrible..Because I would have NEVER done that to you
LilithLaVeyan: I loved you ...
LilithLaVeyan: I still do ..
KhaiAmaya: Layla..
LilithLaVeyan: And you vanished from me
KhaiAmaya: I don't deserve you..i never did..
KhaiAmaya: I never have..
KhaiAmaya: You could do so much better xD I don't even know how i loser like me got lucky with someone like you.
LilithLaVeyan: -sighs-
LilithLaVeyan: You still don't get it..
KhaiAmaya: I get alot of things..
KhaiAmaya: But not the words..
KhaiAmaya: to explain how sorry i am..
LilithLaVeyan: You leaving...and never even coming back to tell me why...or what you were deciding to you..
LilithLaVeyan: And then just completely shutting me out... of everything..
LilithLaVeyan: You ripped my heart from my chest
LilithLaVeyan: You can ask anyone. Who used to be part of the guild.
LilithLaVeyan: HOw miserable I was
KhaiAmaya: I was a fool..i thought by ceasing to exist you would be free of me..
KhaiAmaya: i thought myself a jail cell.
KhaiAmaya: When really i was imprisoning myself for no reason.
LilithLaVeyan: You thought of protection.
LilithLaVeyan: Killed me inside.
LilithLaVeyan: You know the only reason I was able to even begin to feel better was by talking to Taru?
LilithLaVeyan: of all people
LilithLaVeyan: And her and I are actually pretty good friends now.
KhaiAmaya: Mhm..
LilithLaVeyan: As well as Rhage. As I'm sure you've noticed.
LilithLaVeyan: Because they. were there.
KhaiAmaya: Indeed..
KhaiAmaya: And i was not.
KhaiAmaya: Fuck..i can't stop cring..i'v eneve rhated myself more.
LilithLaVeyan: Part of me will always love you...because that doesnt just go away
LilithLaVeyan: I meant when I said I had never loved someone more
LilithLaVeyan: But I cried so much for you... blaming myself..
LilithLaVeyan: If I had kept my mouth shut I wouldnt have set you off
LilithLaVeyan: And everything would be fine..
KhaiAmaya: I still love you..Not that it matters..But you have a right to know..
LilithLaVeyan: I know you do...because I know you meant what you said..
KhaiAmaya: I should have thought ahead, instead of hiding. Like the spineless coward i know i am.
LilithLaVeyan: Why do you think it hurt me so much Khai..
KhaiAmaya: Because i was your raft and i fucking sunk.
LilithLaVeyan: I knew you were hiding because you were afraid..And it was killing me that you werent letting me in to help..
KhaiAmaya: God i'm a fucking idiot!
LilithLaVeyan: I won't disagree
KhaiAmaya: I don't know what else to say..
KhaiAmaya: every night i cried and gripped my palms till they bled..
LilithLaVeyan: You think I did any better?
LilithLaVeyan: How many panic attacks I had?
LilithLaVeyan: Because I was alone
LilithLaVeyan: How often I cried until I couldnt breathe.
LilithLaVeyan: God I hated you.
KhaiAmaya: I don't think i've ever wanted to genuily kill myself before..
LilithLaVeyan: I wanteed to hate you so badly..but I couldnt
LilithLaVeyan: And that made me even more angry
LilithLaVeyan: Stop it.
LilithLaVeyan: You don't get to do that.
LilithLaVeyan: You dont get to take the easy way out
KhaiAmaya: You're right.
LilithLaVeyan: You learn
LilithLaVeyan: You grow
LilithLaVeyan: You do better
LilithLaVeyan: Be better
LilithLaVeyan: You adpat
LilithLaVeyan: adapt*
KhaiAmaya: Of course i can do that.
KhaiAmaya: But i lost my chance at holding perfection in my arms..
LilithLaVeyan: Perhaps there will come another time where we might find eachother again..
KhaiAmaya: I will not complain..nor will i hate that you have someone else.
KhaiAmaya: Or i could be lying..but i'll keep that to myself..
LilithLaVeyan: You can hate me
KhaiAmaya: I doubt you'll want to talk but if you need me..i'll be crying in the dark..
LilithLaVeyan: I wouldn't blame you
LilithLaVeyan: I'll still be here Khai.
LilithLaVeyan: Always.
LilithLaVeyan: You know my account here.
LilithLaVeyan: You know my skype.
LilithLaVeyan: I can even give you my kik if you want it.
KhaiAmaya: No silly..i've always loved you. I will, always. love you..But i don't deserve you because i wasn't there.
LilithLaVeyan: No..You're right..right now you don't
LilithLaVeyan: But perhaps.
LilithLaVeyan: One day.
KhaiAmaya: ~He shook his head~ Rhage will be there. You will love him.
LilithLaVeyan: Whos to say where the future goes?
LilithLaVeyan: I wouldn't say love..I am very fond of him
LilithLaVeyan: I do want to be with him
LilithLaVeyan: But Im not going to sit here and say Ill still be with him 4 years from now
LilithLaVeyan: That isnt logical
LilithLaVeyan: Life is one step at a time.
LilithLaVeyan: One day at a time.
KhaiAmaya: I will write you poems..but they will continue unsent.
LilithLaVeyan: For all I know he could think I'm crazy and leave tomorrow
KhaiAmaya: Crazy?
KhaiAmaya: Only i am that crazy.
LilithLaVeyan: -sighs softly-
LilithLaVeyan: One day at a time Khai
LilithLaVeyan: Stop running so far ahead of yourself
LilithLaVeyan: It's your biggest wekaness
KhaiAmaya: You know me well.
LilithLaVeyan: That I do
KhaiAmaya: It explains why i fell so hard.
LilithLaVeyan: Thats what happens when you love someone
KhaiAmaya: I deleted your skype..
KhaiAmaya: was it laylaleondale?
LilithLaVeyan: yourkittenxox
LilithLaVeyan: o-o jk
LilithLaVeyan: I lied
LilithLaVeyan: xoxyourkitten
LilithLaVeyan: -sighs and kisses his cheek- I will always be here..Because that was my promise..But this love is forbidden for me until further notice
KhaiAmaya: ~her kiss was sweet but in mind he was bitter. Inside his mind, he became a court in session. In himself. He highly judged. Her kiss made him ball his right hand into a fist so tight his finger nails dug into hs palms releacing thick trickling blood.~ Unlike everyone i've ever know..you still care..
KhaiAmaya: I will..wait, and hope for the best..
KhaiAmaya: If not, i wish you happiness..
KhaiAmaya: But..please..don't forget me..
LilithLaVeyan: I could never forget you.. -she stroked his cheek softly-
LilithLaVeyan: My first real love..that would be like forgetting i had a heart
KhaiAmaya: ~His eyes closed feeling the wind scrape past his face. he instinctivly leaned his head slightly against her hand and softly spoke.~ You're only real love..
KhaiAmaya: *My
LilithLaVeyan: Part of my heart will always be yours Khai ... for a very long time..But right now, the rest wants Rhage
KhaiAmaya: And that she will have.
LilithLaVeyan: I will still be here as a friend, but that is all. And I should never hear an ill word comr from you
KhaiAmaya: Of who?
KhaiAmaya: Rhage?
LilithLaVeyan: Of anyone in Acerbus
LilithLaVeyan: But especially Rhage. Yes.
LilithLaVeyan: Past is past.
KhaiAmaya: My hatred need not be uttered. I've said all that is needed.
LilithLaVeyan: That is all I ask
LilithLaVeyan: I'm not asking you to like it. Just respect it if I am to be around you.
KhaiAmaya: No. I just won't speak it in general because you asked me not too.
LilithLaVeyan: I won't be around unless you want me to
KhaiAmaya: Plus there's no reason too.
LilithLaVeyan: If you find yourself needing someone to talk to, I am here
KhaiAmaya: Of course i want you around.
KhaiAmaya: But i don't deserve you around x'D
LilithLaVeyan: <.<
LilithLaVeyan: I already want to beat on you enough. Dont dig a deeper hole
KhaiAmaya: Layla.
LilithLaVeyan: Khai
KhaiAmaya: Say everything you want too.
LilithLaVeyan: You're an arrogant, childish, insufferable, stupid, inconsiderate, cowardess fuck <.<
LilithLaVeyan: There.
LilithLaVeyan: But somehow I still love you.
KhaiAmaya: And i you.
KhaiAmaya: I need to get off but we can continue talking on skype.
KhaiAmaya: if you want that is.
LilithLaVeyan: We can continue talking if you want. But only as friends
KhaiAmaya: Of course.
KhaiAmaya: I gotta get off.
LilithLaVeyan: Mhm