manofass

Beach Bum Anon Chapter 8: Walk with Gods

Aug 24th, 2017
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  1. >This must be the stuff mars dust is made out of
  2. >Ice cold sand that is jagged like shards of glass
  3. >Shards that seem to not cut, only hurt to touch
  4. >Or maybe they did, and you just can't tell for lack of light
  5. >The abyss is still as cold and lightless as ever
  6. >Your entire ass feels covered in pins and needles, resting here on this lonely glass-world
  7. >Its probably trying to prod you along, the bastard
  8. >The planet bastard, the Bastard Planet
  9. >That is a fitting name, the Bastard Planet
  10. >Cold and dry and sharp, the biggest bastard you've ever seen
  11. >The longest bastard you've ever walked
  12. >Well Bastard Planet, the endless bastard, I've decided not to play this bastard game
  13. >I've seen what you can throw at me
  14. >I fight monsters
  15. >I can fight you, mister planet Bastard
  16. >Planet Bastard, the planet of Bastards, you are a bastard made of trillions of tiny spiky bastards
  17. >You aren't going to walk another billion miles across a billion tiny bastards to please this bastard
  18. >You scoop up the little grains and pile them up into a mound, unsure of what to do to displease this and these bastards
  19. >It tried to eat you when you shouted at it
  20. >It tried to eat you when you changed directions
  21. >Perhaps it will try to eat you if you stay in one spot and curse the bastard in your mind
  22. >Perhaps all you need to do is not engage and you can win whatever standoff is going on here
  23.  
  24. >Your little pile has grown into a small wall
  25. >And on the sides of that wall you added more wall
  26. >And you kept adding more and more wall until you were completely surrounded, and named your new fortification Fort Bastard
  27. >And now you fought your battle of will in this small foxhole
  28. >Or, at least, it should be a foxhole
  29. >You can't really tell on account of the blinding darkness
  30. >Oh well
  31. >It's a little funny, how tranquil this place is
  32. >Odd how a freezing wasteland of eternal moonless night turns out to be calmer than a horrible terrible freakshow and murder monster forest
  33. >Except not really
  34. >Not at all, in fact
  35.  
  36. >An interesting thought presents itself
  37. >Perhaps you have merely had your eyes closed the entire time?
  38. >Unlikely
  39. >You try and force your lids open
  40. >Nothing happens
  41. >Of course, you have no way of telling whether that's because it's really really dark or because you can't open your eyelids
  42. >So you satisfy your question the only way you can come up with
  43. >By jamming your hoof into your eyeball
  44. >You yelp in pain as the giant toenail scrapes against your delicate cornea
  45. >Progress!
  46. >So, it must be that either there is a film over your eyeball or it is really, really dark
  47. >The question, however, needs no further thought
  48. >For in some unknowable distance across Planet Bastard's endless desert, you spot the faintest hint of a dark blue glow
  49.  
  50. >Your nostrils feel like they've been flushed with rubbing alcohol
  51. >A deep burning sensation has dug itself deep into your sinuses
  52. >You wake up sneezing and teary
  53. >After a short fit the sneezing all but disappears, leaving you to stare up at the ceiling with a small trail of snot oozing down your cheek
  54. >Oh fuck, that's not a ceiling
  55. >"Such delicate facilities for such a strong mind."
  56. >You're in a teepee
  57. >A big fucking teepee
  58. >Laying on a small cot
  59. >"Perhaps sensitivity to the master makes for a fragile body?"
  60. >There is a slight haze in the tent, a familiar smoke that gives it a purplish hue
  61. >"Trixie is proud to host such a receptive child in her modest camp."
  62. >You shoot up at the name, suddenly all too aware of your dangerous company
  63. >You twist your head to see Trixie's face mere inches away from yours
  64. >"Although, maybe it is the fragility of body *and* mind which make you such an ideal colt."
  65. >You try to squirm away, but her blue glow locks you in place
  66. >"Tell me, Speedy, when did you first feel the touch of our master?"
  67. >You swallow hard and stare into her eyes
  68. >Stern, cold, and yet fierce with conviction
  69. >You desperately stammer out a response, all of your forest macho drained in the wake of her commanding stare
  70. "W-what?"
  71. >She smiles at you, easing her force grip on you as if to calm your nerves
  72. >"The man you saw, in your dreams. The same man you saw when we first spoke."
  73. >Oh boy
  74. >She's fucking goofy
  75. >She has no idea what's going on
  76. >Her hoof points out at the incense burning next to her throne, but in place of the symmetrical alignment of bowls was now a sizeable mass of smoking cones
  77. >"Their fumes allow us to speak with the true master of this land, the only protector of the gifted and outcast.
  78. >"You communed with him. When I first spoke to you, and again just now.
  79. >"Tell Trixie, what did he look like?"
  80. >Oh great
  81. >Protector of the outcast, spoken to through magic candles, corpse immolation
  82. >They are a bunch of Satanists
  83. >All your fear washes away in an instant, annoyance quick to take its place
  84. >The Conan O'Briens of the occult world
  85. >You've dealt with their kind before, they aren't a big deal
  86. >Beyond all the appearances and super hip millenial 'rituals'
  87. >Beyond the top hats and exposed eczema sores
  88. >They're just Satanists
  89. >Holy shit
  90. >They're Satanists!
  91. >You clench the figure at your neck
  92. "Wait, dude! This amulet look familiar to you? Any signifigance?"
  93. >"None whatsoever."
  94. >She answers without pause
  95. >Well there goes that gamble
  96. >You sigh and slump down in the cot
  97. "The usual, I guess. Big horns, cloven hoof, fur 'n shit. Big wings, snake tail, the works."
  98. >Of course, your dreams were about a terrible hopeless void, but she doesn't need to know that
  99. >"What did you give to him, boy?"
  100. "My heart, my soul, my undying loyalty and my very being."
  101. >Yadda yadda yadda
  102. >You've been around the block with these contrarian assholes
  103. >Say the right things and they'll share their sheep liver soup and dusty ass weed
  104. >Of course, typically they'd pack up shop the second someone gets gutted outside their weekend getaway
  105. >And you can't recall any with the gall to actually spring someone like that Monster Mush broad did
  106. >Must be some kind of local cultural thing
  107. >She regards you for a moment, then grins
  108. >"Trixie knew you were a lovely specimen the moment she first heard of you."
  109. "Heard of me?"
  110. >"Assaulting hospital staff and leading the friendship princess on a frantic chase, all in her own demense...
  111. >"Deliciously humiliating. Of course, nopony else seems to care, but that is strictly because of the papers under the crown's horns.
  112. >"If only the general public knew how foolish and falliable their leaders are, we wouldn't need to exist!"
  113. >Her words are bitter and annoyed, and she waves her hoof dismissively in the air
  114. "I thought you guys were just a woodfolk commune."
  115. >"We are many things, that included! And don't go pretending you aren't one of us, now."
  116. >She pats your head and her voice takes on a motherly tone
  117. >"You are home, and there is no need to worry about all that."
  118. >If her cult wasn't so laughable that would definitely be creepy
  119.  
  120. >"I don't think I've the heart to kill you, so you'll just have to sit tight for a while."
  121. >That was the last thing he said to you before you were tossed onto some kind of cloud
  122. >A few hours ago your sight finally returned, allowing you to make out the mass of goose down you were floating on
  123. >The sky is a twisting kaleikodezcope, bathing you in lights of ever changing color
  124. >Your entire body felt... off
  125. >Lighter, more floaty
  126. >There was an indescriptionable lag in your actions, like your brain and your body were just a little too far away
  127. >You took to the air, to drop down from whatever impossible height you had reached
  128. >But no matter how far you fell, you seemed to be even over the sun's reach
  129. >Perhaps this is the area beyond the sky
  130. >A strange nighmare realm of magical energy and no constants
  131. >In your descent, you had passed dozens of other floating islands
  132. >Sometimes they contained little houses, and upon entry you were thrown into impossible rooms
  133. >Grand chambers with nonsensical stairways
  134. >Black voids which pulled despirately at you, threatening to cast you out into some great unknown
  135. >Floors of ponies from mundane office buildings to ancient war rooms filled with statues so lifelike it was as if their depicted characters were frozen in stone
  136. >That was something a cockatrice could do, probably
  137. >At random intervals you would catch some snippet of conversation
  138. >Mundane, mostly
  139. >Sometimes in different languages
  140. >You couldn't tell where they were coming from
  141. >Sometimes in your mind you would see such odd things
  142. >An old man climbing a small flight of stairs
  143. >Some teen deep frying flower stems
  144. >A mare's smiling face before a wide expanse of sky
  145. >The final room you found was some kind of field
  146. >The grass was long and brown
  147. >The sun beat you down like a druken factory worker
  148. >But here there was some sense of normality
  149. >You didn't feel that weightlessness, that sluggishocity of the bottomless sky
  150. >Every now and then a cool breeze would drip the collected sweat off your brow and down the side of your cheek
  151. >For hours you wandered, and the sun seemed to sway lazily in a pendulium, never quite dropping below the horizon
  152. >Once you got hungry and tasted the grass; it was dry and somewhat salty, but filling
  153. >Pretty soon you reached the edge of the world
  154. >Quite literally
  155. >The ground dropped off into more of the bright sky above, and the ground barely held together
  156. >When you reached it you punged your hoof straight through the earth and almost fell off the side
  157. >For some reason you wondered if you could fly back up once gravity had pulled you away
  158. >"This is what the Zebrahari looks like now."
  159. >You twist around to see Discord poking out of the grass several feet to your side
  160. >He wears a weary face and stares far off the edge, into the sky below
  161. "Heathen! Tell me where I am, and what neferimus deeds you have been up to!"
  162. >You snarl angrily, charging up a spell to vaporize
  163. >It only just now occurs to you that the magical restraint is gone
  164. >"You're in my world. The interstice, as you once called it. More specifically, you are in a door reflecting the Zebrahari."
  165. >Both names sound vaguely familiar, and yet seem unreal
  166. >No matter, all the world belongs to Celestia and so his claim is impossible
  167. >"As for what I've been up to..."
  168. >He thinks for a moment, turns away from you
  169. >"Chasing dreams, I suppose."
  170. >Very well
  171. >If he can't provide you with a straight answer willingly, perhaps you will have to subdue and interrogate
  172. >You release your charge, a white hot beam of pure energy that scorches the grass around it, aimed at the heathen's gut
  173. >The beam disappears, and Discord is unharmed
  174. >He turns to you, rolls his eyes
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