For the first time in a long time, I stumbled over my words.
‘Jordan?’ the teacher asked me. ‘What’s the answer? What’s the square root?’
A hush fell over the classroom as I sat there, in silence, unable to produce the correct response. I was precocious, gifted, a human calculator, the pride of the Hawking family. But today, in this classroom, I was not.
‘What’s the answer, Jordan?’ Ms Parker asked again hopefully.
From my windows seat, I gazed out into the seemingly endless rain, dark clouds hovering above, frantically racked up my brain for the answer. A hand shot up behind, near the back of the classroom. And immediately, I knew who’s it belongs to.
Her patience ran out, and she pointed towards the back.
‘It’s 8.717, miss,’ a confident voice declared. ‘To six decimal places, it is 871779 -’
‘That’s fine, Brian,’ Ms Parker said, cutting him off, although it’s clear that she was smiling. ‘Three decimal places is more than enough.’
My face had gone bright pink, lost for words. Whispers were breaking out from the row behind me.
“Shame On you Jordan! you’ve gotta up your game,” Wilton teased “What’s the matter with you today?”
“What do you mean today?” Larry added, “Ever since the start of this year Jordan hasn’t been himself”
“Letting your family name down eh Jordan? Stephen Hawking rolling over in his grave.”
I could hear bursts of laughter behind me. Every inch of my body felt like a furnace, sweat dripping down my armpits like the pouring rain outside. This was going to be a long year, we were only three weeks into this devilish nightmare. A bolt of lightning flashed for a split second, followed by the crashing sound of thunder, for what seemed like a rocket take off.
That right there, perfectly portrays my inner emotions, a thunderstorm building up, rumbling, waiting to strike, anger boiled down inside me. I turned around and took a look at Brian. Asshole! I clenched my fist, held back the urge to leap at him and throw a few punches. Gosh how I wished to send him on a one way trip to pancake city!
“Jordan. Turn around and pay attention.”
“Yes Ms Parker. Sorry Ms Parker”
Her tone was calm, yet the disappointment in her voice was clear. I turned back, absentmindedly staring at the whiteboard, eyes gazing blankly on the equation she’s writing.

Thinking back about it, it seemed absolutely absurd how much things has changed in a span of a short six months. I was on top of my cohort, no one came close to my academic excellence and out-of-the-box thinking, I stood out like a man amongst boys. I had always been a naturally gifted student, the lazy genius in school with high expectations placed upon him. Despite not always achieving straight A’s in my subjects, my mother didn’t stress too much about it as long as I’m remained the top of the year level.

All that changed when that kid, Brian Scalabrine moved into our school 6 months ago. I remembered that end of year award ceremony like it was yesterday, the fancy dinner party in the gymnasium. I remembered every detail of every single word that had been said when the Student Of The year award, was given out. “The student of the year award goes to a student who has demonstrated hard work and resilience in all their subjects, along with achieving the highest overall academic excellence.” The principle, Mr Howard announced as he was about to present the award, “It is with great honor and pleasure that I present this year’s student of the year award for year 10 to Brian Scalabrine”.
My heart sank, the feeling in my stomach was equivalent to as if I had gulp down milk that had expired 3 months ago, I had to physically pinch myself to ensure it wasn’t an illusion. Impossible, I had won the award for my cohort in each of the past 3 years, The dinner plate in my hands fell onto the floor, shattered into a million pieces. I stood there in my suit and tie, Thunderstruck. My mom looked like as if she had just saw a ghost, jaw dropped, her face drained of color, pupils turning bright red, a fire clearly raging inside her. I’m dead, I’m very, very dead. Mom will crucify me for this.

“Jordan, JORDAN!”
A voice woke me up from my daydream, the shock made me bang my elbow on the table, directly on the funny bone, a nasty tingling up my spine, “Yes miss?”
“It’s lunch time Jordan”
“Yes Ms Parker”
“Are you feeling alright?”
“Yes”, I say, god I hate it when people ask me that question
“Did you have anything to eat for breakfast”
“No miss”
“Well, make sure you go and do that at lunch ok?”
“Yes miss”
“Any plans for the weekend?”
“Nah, probably just gonna be sleeping in, maybe watch the footy game”
She gave me a genuine look of concern, “Don’t forget you have a polynomial functions SAC next Tuesday, so make sure you do some revision over the weekend ok? You’re an exceptionally bright young man, and I want you to do well in class.”
“Yes miss”
“Off you go now”

I strolled down the hallway, thinking about what just happened, every step felt like years, the air around me dense, and moist. I looked up at the transparent rooftop, the rain was now falling so heavily, any more and the roof would be penetrated. How I would love to be at home right now, sipping my hot chocolate and watching Netflix. The look on her face, it’s been aeons since a teacher last gave me a look like that, the genuine disappointment. Her eyes says it all, looking back at me as if a vampire sucked the living daylights out of her, eyes cold and lifeless, squinting back at me. Life hits you hard when you’re least expecting it, in just half a year, I was no longer the golden child, the teacher’s pet, the good guy. Life felt stale, meaningless. My talents were limited, academics had always been the rose among thorns for me, the one thing others notice about me, now even that has wilted. For me, once I was no longer the top of the cohort, one I was overtaken, I was forgotten, became insignificant, nobody remembers second place. Senior school seemed exponentially more difficult, must’ve been that asshole, not only robbing me of my award but also my confidence. Mom screamed at me for hours on end after last year’s award ceremony, calling me an ungrateful bastard, and how I had always been a procrastinator who didn’t understand the value of hard work. We rarely ever talked after that conversation.

“Hey Jordan, how’s your day going?”. Someone tapped me on my shoulder which woke me up from my thoughts, I hate it when people tap my shoulders. I turned around, it was my best friend Earvin.
“I’m doing fine”, I lied, “how about yourself?”
“I’ve never been better, I just achieved tier 100 in Fortnite and unlocked the rarest skin in the game!”
“Oh wow, nice dude.” I forced my face into a smile, trying to act excited
“You wanna play this weekend?”
“Ummm... yeah, ok, I’ll text you when I have time.” Even though I knew I wouldn’t text him, Fortnite was the last thing on my mind right now. “Hey I kinda want a bit of alone time right now, can we talk later?”
“Sure,” Earvin shot me a smile, “Catch ya later”.
I headed off towards the cafeteria, gosh I was starving, the last thing I had to eat was a chocolate bar which I had last night. I had been so preoccupied thinking about what I was going to have for lunch that I didn’t see the box of books lying on the floor, I tripped over the boxes and landed on my knee cap. From the cracking sound it made, I could’ve sworn I had a fracture in the plates, I was on the floor for a good five minutes, holding my knee. When I finally got up I picked up the box, immediately fumes were coming out of my ears, I clenched my teeth so hard it almost bled, adrenaline began pumping. It was a bunch of Brian’s old notebooks, I threw the box with the equivalent force of 3 elephants, WHAT’S THIS BOX DOING LYING AROUND ON THE HALLWAY?!?! The pages went flying, notes came loose from his books.


When I finally calmed down, I took another, closer look at his books. Geez, does this kid’s parents lock him in the basement and make him study for 6 hours before he can come out or something? His books were filled with pages among pages of notes, his writing so minute, a magnifying glass was almost required just to be able to read it. The amount of notes in one page of his books was almost equivalent to the total amount I’ve taken entirely last year. It was the back cover of his notebook though, that almost made my eyes fall out. A scribble marked in permanent ink ‘MY STUPID PARENTS ARE DRIVING ME INSANE! MY BRAIN CONSTANTLY FEELS LIKE IT’S ABOUT TO BURST FROM THE HOURS OF STUDYING EVERY SINGLE DAY! ANYMORE AND I’D BE IN A MENTAL ASYLUM! MY SOUL IS IN ETERNAL PERIL, I FUCJING HATE MY LIFE!’
Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that to come out of a model student like him. I stood frozen in the long empty hallway, I even felt a slight sense of sympathy for Brian, at least my mom didn’t force me into insanity. The realization that he had been a wolf in sheep’s clothing made us relatable. I had became so preoccupied with trying to impress others, my teachers peers, mom, that I never truly seeked what my heart desired. I