Celestia Greentexts: Missing Rations

Mar 15th, 2015
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  1. >"Anonymous, I need you to do me a favor."
  2. "Yeah? What is it, Celestia?"
  3. >She put the book she had been reading into one of the library shelves to address you.
  4. >"There have been numerous reports of guards stealing extra rations from the mess hall. I need you to search the barracks for me to see if this is true."
  5. "That's all? Snooping around is one of my favorite things to do, princess."
  6. >"Which is exactly why I asked you to do this," she finished with a wink.
  7. >She knows you so well.
  8. "Consider it done."
  9. >"Thank you."
  10. >She left and went back through the several rows of bookshelves, trying to find another book.
  12. >As night came, you made your way over to the barracks.
  13. >Sneaking around wouldn't be an issue until you actually got to the guard's lockers, so you went about as casually as you could.
  14. >Whenever a guard found you and asked about your intent for being up so late, you would simply remark that "there was princess business to be done."
  15. >Their confused reactions allowed you to pass by without further questioning.
  16. >Once you reached the barracks, you made sure to enter the section for Celestia's guards, as Luna's had their own quarters.
  17. >The sleeping guards were easy to sneak past.
  18. >Funny, when they were awake, they were so alert of everything, but when they slept, you couldn't wake them up with an air horn.
  19. >Must be their constant use of energy.
  20. >Having been in these barracks before, you knew where to go to reach the lockers.
  21. >Past the bedroom, around the recreational hall, and...
  22. >Boom, the locker room.
  23. >There were TONS of lockers to look through.
  24. >Good thing snooping was your specialty, otherwise you'd have no patience to do this.
  25. >The first locker was opened swiftly and with grace.
  26. >Then its contents were rummaged through with the fervor of a caffeine-hyped Pinkie Pie.
  27. >Pictures of family, sharpening stone, polish, nothing out of the ordinary.
  28. >Next.
  29. >The second locker opened, and inside was nothing but books.
  30. >There were titles of "How to Properly Act as a Guard", "Proper Royalty Etiquette: Guard Edition", and "Duty to Equestria: The Royal Guard and You."
  31. >Looking past the books and moving them around yields only more books.
  32. >What a boring individual.
  33. >You close the locker and opt to open up the next one.
  34. >This one was completely empty, save for a spare helmet.
  35. >Nothing important.
  36. >Your journey of searching lockers lasted a good half hour as you looked through these guards' lockers for some kind of evidence of stolen rations.
  37. >As you opened what was likely your two-hundredth locker, you were greeted by a poster of a sultry-looking mare leaning on a spear dug into the ground, her ass facing the viewer.
  38. >The text under the picture read "Go Get 'em, Boys!"
  39. >You may have to steal that.
  40. >Digging through the junk in the locker yields a map of the castle, a paper with patrol schedules, and a journal with the name "B. Sky" written on it.
  41. >Must be a newbie.
  42. >As you had been doing for the last several lockers, you closed this one and moved on to the next.
  43. >Opening up this one FINALLY gave you results.
  44. >There on the top shelf was aluminum foil wrapped around a square shape.
  45. >You grab the suspicious item and unwrap the thing, finding a few cookies and a hay sandwich inside.
  46. >These were served at lunch today.
  47. >Considering this kind of food couldn't be kept back here, it was undeniable proof that this was stolen food.
  48. >Pat yourself on the back, Anon.
  49. >The celebration you held for yourself in your head was short lived as a piece of paper fell from under the foil.
  50. >What was this?
  51. >You knelt down to pick up the loose sheet, and found it had writing on it.
  52. >"Here's your payment for those pictures, Sharpshooter. We may not be able to touch the princess, but we can certainly look, can't we? -Golden Crest."
  53. >Pictures?
  54. >Princess?
  55. >Payment?
  56. >This was something to investigate.
  57. >Closing the current locker, you try to find any with the name "Sharpshooter" plastered on the front.
  58. >It took a grand total of two minutes.
  59. >When ponies all had completely different names, identifying a specific one wasn't hard.
  60. >You open the locker, finding a huge collection of aluminum foil-wrapped foods on the top shelf.
  61. >At the bottom of the locker are piles upon piles of pictures, with a camera neatly set on top.
  62. >You grab the camera and set it aside, then grab a handful of pictures.
  63. >The first one is of Celestia lounging on a couch in a position that showed off her belly and flexibility.
  64. >In other words, kind of sexy.
  65. >The next picture is Celestia on the same couch, this time the camera closed in on her belly, giving a detailed look at her body.
  66. >How did this guy get these pictures?
  67. >The third picture showed Celestia still on the couch, except this time her back was arched out and her flanks were in the air.
  68. >Predictably, the picture after that was a full shot of her ass and nothing but.
  69. >Damn, you were getting turned on.
  70. >Alas, you were on a mission, though.
  71. >You'd be sure to tell Celestia about this, but not before taking some of the photos for yourself.
  72. >Stashing some of the best pictures in your pocket, you close the locker and head back to your room, easily passing the sleeping guards yet again.
  73. >Mystery solved: The guards here were just really horny for Celestia.
  74. >You wondered if Luna's guards felt the same way about her.
  75. >Did these guards just work under whatever princess they found sexy?
  76. >It'd be weird to think all the guards were crushing on a princess.
  77. >Cadance's guards must be miserable if that's the case.
  78. >Getting back to your room, you slip into bed with this information in mind, your last thought being whether or not Flash Sentry would become Twilight's guard for that reason.
  80. >"O-oh my."
  81. >Celestia flipped through a few of the pictures she found in Sharpshooter's locker, blushing.
  82. >For your efforts, Celestia rewarded you with a couple bits and a royal thank you.
  83. >Not much but it's the thought that counts.
  84. >Besides, you saved some of those pictures, so if anything, Celestia's rewards were a bonus.
  85. >"I'm still having trouble thinking one of my guards were somehow able to get these without my knowledge."
  86. "If I'm being blunt, the guy who did this was a genius. He got himself a ton of free food just by taking pictures."
  87. >Celestia didn't dignify your statement with a response, instead looking through more of the pictures.
  88. >"Some of these are mildly disturbing."
  89. "You gotta wonder if Luna's guards have the same deal going on."
  90. >The sun princess looks at you with a raised eyebrow, then says, "Anonymous, can you do me another favor?"
  91. "Sure can, princess. Sure can."
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