Yea I know you are going to block me right away but that's fine. It makes sense. Friendship between us wouldn't work out well because of our mutual (mental, emotional) issues that we have with ourselves on a personal level.

There is basically no chance for you and I to have a normal friendship or even acquaintanceship, which sucks because I really do care about you (well the caring part doesn't suck - that part is very nice).

It's also a interesting thing caring about you because as much as you claim to open up there is mostly things you don't say, which complicates things... I find myself wanting more to feel close to you but once you open up you sorta later punish me for having that effect on you. You might think you are so exposed and vulnerable when you open up, but you are not. You barely give what most normal friends give which is basically just telling the other person how they feel. Lol. I think maybe that's because you don't think that what you have to give is important or your emotions don't matter.. well I don't feel like getting into psychology right now but it's a bunch of shit along those lines. It's all very complicated, and I'm sure you know that being you.

You probably think I'm very stupid for sticking around with you for so long. Or something like 'bish, go find a normal friend who can actually stably respond to you emotionally and mentally', well those are boring. You are challenging and interesting and abuse me a lot even though you prob don't see it as abuse because you don't think that I care about you (or maybe you do?) Either way I care, but I don't think I can talk to you anymore... :( Shit feels shitty. I want to. Usually I do what I want emotionally and disregard the logical/rational consequences (because I'm a woman, haha) but this time around I guess I can bite back my love and fascination of you and let it go. I mean logically and rationally I can be your friend and love you, but I can't love you enough to get you to love yourself. It reminds me of all the things I want to destroy about myself.. and.. yea, it's just generally unhealthy; like the cutting thing as an example your cuts just remind me of how much I want to do it. I've managed to keep myself busy over the years but seeing yours and meeting you has just reopened a ton of shit in my past, idk maybe you feel the same way about me.

ANYWAYS, big news is I'm gonna be in Illinois on the first or second seeing Leonard. Dustin will be taking me, he likes going on road trips and gay shit like that. He said that he would take me to see you as well Though he doesn't know about our passionate turbulent love affair that's caused you to break off contact.. :( If I call you around the first or second that's because I want to hang out irl, whatever.