FACADE STAGEPLAY
Tue Oct 26 00 14 28 2010

TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?

GRACE
What for?

TRIP
That should be obvious!

GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!

(Nat knocks on the front door.)

(Nat knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
Oh, she's here!

GRACE
What?! You said she's coming an hour from now! -- (interrupted)

TRIP
No, she's right on time!

GRACE
Trip...!

(Nat knocks on the front door.)

(Nat knocks on the front door.)

(Nat knocks on the front door.)

(Nat knocks on the front door.)

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Nat!!

NAT
Do you believe in God?

TRIP
Hey!   God  it's been so long since we've seen you!  -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Well, I can see we're going to get along well tonight!

TRIP
Come on in!

TRIP
Uh, I'll -- I'll go get Grace... -- (interrupted)

NAT
Lesbian Sex O.O

TRIP
W -- w - what... n - no, uh, just stay here...

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

NAT
I'm wet and horny...

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

NAT
Threeways can work too...

GRACE
Nat,

NAT
Wanna fuck?

GRACE
Hi!  How are you?  I'm so happy to see you after so long!  -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Uh...

(NAT hugs grace.)

GRACE
H-mmm (happy smile sound)

GRACE
By the way, you look wonderful!

(NAT kisses grace.)

GRACE
Oh, yes,

GRACE
 mm-wah! (kiss on cheek)

GRACE
 How sweet.

GRACE
So,   Nat,  ha, maybe -- (interrupted)

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
Oh, I'll get it --

TRIP
No, no no no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get it. -- (interrupted)

(NAT picks up the phone.)

PHONE
Hello?  Hello?

TRIP
Nat,  no!  Don't do that.

PHONE
Who is this?  Travis, is that you?  This is your mother.

TRIP
Uhh, that's my mother, I can hear her loud voice.

(NAT kisses grace.)

GRACE
Oh!

PHONE
I -- I think I have the wrong number... ** click **

TRIP
Okay, she's confused, as usual... just -- just hang it up.

(NAT puts down the phone.)

TRIP
Oh, good, you hung up. I don't want to talk to her.

(NAT uses the answering machine.)

ANSWERING MACHINE
No new messages

TRIP
(nervous coughing)

GRACE
uh...

TRIP
whoa, that was, uh...

GRACE
uuh...

TRIP
wow, that was, um...

GRACE
ha ha ha ha ha, heh...

NAT
What?

TRIP
ha ha...

GRACE
ha ha ha ha!!

TRIP
heh, ha ha ha!

TRIP
Ha ha ha, heh,   Nat,

GRACE
heh heh heh...

TRIP
you're something else... heh heh heh...  never afraid to...

NAT
Nice Boat.

TRIP
put us on the spot...

TRIP
heh heh, you're crazy, you know that?

TRIP
ha ha...

TRIP
(big sigh)

TRIP
Uhh, any -- anyway, uh... what were we talking about?

GRACE
hmmm   Nat,  seeing you brings back wonderful memories, really...

TRIP
Ye -- yeah...

TRIP
Huh, I just thought of something.

GRACE
What...

TRIP
There's something we need to celebrate.

GRACE
What do you mean?

TRIP
Nat,  remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us.

TRIP
Senior year of college.

NAT
Yes I remember

TRIP
We really want to thank you for years and years of... -- (interrupted)

NAT
How did the night go?

TRIP
Uh -- I - I mean, uh, it's, uh -- it's great you could be here tonight.

TRIP
Oh,    Nat,  take a look at this photo I just put up from our trip to Italy a couple of weeks ago...

GRACE
(little sigh)

TRIP
Nat,  Come here, I want you to look at this!

GRACE
(little sigh)

GRACE
Trip, darling, your obsession with that photo of yours is making our friend uncomfortable.

(NAT points to the italy picture.)

(NAT points to the italy picture.)

(NAT points to the italy picture.)

(NAT points to the italy picture.)

(NAT points to the italy picture.)

(NAT points to the italy picture.)

(NAT points to the italy picture.)

(NAT points to the italy picture.)

(NAT points to the italy picture.)

(NAT points to the italy picture.)

(NAT points to the italy picture.)

TRIP
(little sigh) Well this trip to Italy was meant to be our second honeymoon.

GRACE
Trip, don't exaggerate...  it was just a weekend getaway.

TRIP
uhh...

NAT
What's it about?

GRACE
(big sigh) -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Oh, I didn't think you wanted to hear about the Italy trip tonight...  (clears throat)

GRACE
Listen to us, we're arguing in front of our -- (interrupted)

NAT
Sure, why not?

GRACE
You don't agree?  Okay, well...

TRIP
Grace, come on, it's not helping things for you to say that...

GRACE
Trip, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing in front of our friend --

TRIP
Disagreeing?!  We're NOT disagreeing.  We're, we're not.

TRIP
(frustrated sigh) Sheejus.

NAT
Please stop yelling...

GRACE
Okay, well, you and I are getting along better tonight than I first thought!

GRACE
You know, ever since we got married, I can't help it, I'm forever buying new furniture and redecorating,

GRACE
I -- I really enjoy it --

TRIP
Yeah, it's in your blood, you grew up with this stuff.

GRACE
Nat,  now be honest with me, agree that this room just does not work!

TRIP
Grace, come on, what are you talking about?

GRACE
All day at work I design ads for stylish objects, like these paintings,

GRACE
and then I think, I want to design them into my apartment --

TRIP
Yeah Grace was the highest bidder at an auction for this!

GRACE
but... no, I'm wrong, these look completely amateurish and gauche.

NAT
Looks good Grace.

TRIP
Ah, right, right,

TRIP
   Nat,  of course you like it!

TRIP
See Grace you have no reason to complain -- there's just nothing to complain about.

GRACE
(annoyed sigh) -- (interrupted)

GRACE
I'm sure I can return most of this, and try to start over again on this room...

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Grace, everything's fine, no one is complaining about your decorating!

GRACE
No, she is just being courteous... this room is not --

TRIP
Uhh, Grace, come on, people like it, you're the only one --

GRACE
You know, Trip, if you hadn't convinced me to go into advertising, I could have painted that painting on the wall instead of buying it!

TRIP
  You're never happy...

NAT
Some harsh feelings here...

TRIP
Wait -- see -- the decorating is fine!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

NAT
It is fine.

GRACE
Oh! huh... thanks...

TRIP
Oh that's nice Grace, our friend seems happy to see you again after so long.

(NAT comforts grace.)

GRACE
Oh,    Nat,

TRIP
Wow Grace you sure are getting your share of affection tonight!

(NAT hugs trip.)

TRIP
Oh, heh, you're hugging me...

GRACE
How nice of you.  Isn't it good to see our friend after so long?

TRIP
(clears throat)

TRIP
Oh my God,    Nat,  oh my God, I am so bad...

GRACE
What?!

TRIP
I haven't gotten us drinks!

GRACE
tuhh...

TRIP
Oh it's good because you will be the first to try my recently acquired set of imported drinking glasses.

GRACE
Trip's favorite pastime is to get the blood alcohol content of his guests higher than his golf score.

TRIP
Why don't I make us one of my new drink inventions,

TRIP
I call it Grace's Inner Soul.

TRIP
It's a mixture of chardonnay, bitters and lots of ice.

GRACE
It's a secret -- Trip doesn't even like the taste of alcohol.

TRIP
What?!  So, uhh,

TRIP
Nat,  how -- how does that sound?

NAT
Juice sounds good.

TRIP
You -- you don't want my invention?

GRACE
Nat,  Trip's getting a little carried away...  maybe you just want some juice, or a mineral water?

TRIP
(exhale very tense)

TRIP
Yeah, no, I'm going to make this drink for us!

TRIP
Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there is to it!

NAT
Water sounds god.

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Grace, everybody loves my drinks, you know that, don't you?  Everybody!

GRACE
Well, of course Trip, after all, you got enough practice when you were a real bartender.

NAT
Shut up Trip.

TRIP
What? -- (interrupted)

TRIP
That's really...

GRACE
Her...

TRIP
You're being...

GRACE
what...

TRIP
Let's get the um... the um...

TRIP
We need to call the...

GRACE
Right, yeah...

TRIP
that woman with all the clocks...

(NAT picks up the advice ball.)

GRACE
get that paperwork finished....

(The advice ball reads, "I Doubt It")

TRIP
Oh good idea, yeah, yeah...

NAT
Awkward moment?

TRIP
(long release sigh)

(NAT shakes the advice ball.)

(The advice ball reads, "It's Definite")

TRIP
yeah...

(NAT puts down the advice ball.)

TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!

TRIP
Goddamn slumming it off campus...

TRIP
You hide things from me!  You're so distant!  You...

TRIP
You do, you hide things from me!

GRACE
(impatient sigh)     Nat,  I...

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Oh, yeah, you...

TRIP
I know what you're about to say...

TRIP
With your damn kissing, and flirting, Christ!

GRACE
Goddamn second honeymoon...

NAT
Trip...is there something wrong?

GRACE
Trip, our whole marriage, you're so... controlling! -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Look, just quit taking sides, it's going to do more harm than good!

TRIP
Alright, you know what,     Nat,

TRIP
I need to ask you something.

GRACE
Trip --

TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.

TRIP
Nat,  yes or no...

TRIP
Marriage is about saying yes to the other person, even if you're not sure about it, right?

GRACE
What?

TRIP
I mean, if your husband or wife reaches out to you, you have to reach back, right?

TRIP
Yes or no.

NAT
Maybe

TRIP
What...?!

TRIP
Oh, yeah, that's fine... that's fine...

TRIP
Uhh, I try so hard to reach out to you, Grace, and you reject me!  You're cold!  You're distant!  I can't keep going this way, it's killing me!

GRACE
Oh, don't even...!

GRACE
Uhh!  Yeah, good, go away!

GRACE
I can't take you anymore!

GRACE
Goddammit!

GRACE
uhh!

NAT
What's wrong Grace?

GRACE
Nat,  I can't believe you have to see this...

GRACE
uhh...

GRACE
Look, you probably just want to leave...

(NAT hugs grace.)

GRACE
Nat,  (annoyed sigh) Trip can just be so... -- (interrupted)

(NAT comforts grace.)

GRACE
Oh,   Nat,  look, I know you're trying to help, but right now we just need get this all out in the open...

(NAT picks up a trinket 6.)

GRACE
All this stuff...  mmm... Having all this money makes us so happy.  We're so happy, aren't we Trip? -- (interrupted)

(NAT puts down a trinket 6.)

TRIP
Jesus, what do you want! Now you're unhappy because we're too well off? -- (interrupted)

NAT
Does it make you happy?

TRIP
Aha!

GRACE
Nat,  you're saying I'm... depressed?

GRACE
Sometimes, uhh... I feel like things just happen to me.  mmm... uhh... life is passing me -- (interrupted)

NAT
Are you?

TRIP
Yeah. Life is passing me by. Give me a break.

TRIP
Nat,  look around this apartment. It's got everything anyone would ever want. But, Grace, oh no, she's never satisfied.

GRACE
Trip, ... ugh ... I'm so sick of this.

TRIP
Well, heh, I -- I mean, we -- heh -- we -- we've got everything...

GRACE
Trip, you just don't... uhh.

GRACE
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us.

NAT
Cool wedding...

GRACE
Look, if we're going to talk about marriage, all I can say is, it doesn't turn out the way you expect it to. -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Grace...

GRACE
I'm not saying marriage is a bad idea or something, I'm just...

GRACE
 saying I think it's hard to predict what it will actually be like...

TRIP
Grace, no...

TRIP
No, no, look, marriage is -- uhh... is this great thing that everybody does, to be happy!  It can turn out just fine!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

NAT
Maybe I should just leave...

GRACE
Let's keep talking about us, our relationship.

TRIP
Grace, we don't -- we don't have to do this... things are okay, we can just --

GRACE
Nat,  I can't stand the pretending anymore... I can't take it!

TRIP
Nat,  where are you going?  Don't go, please, we need you here!

NAT
I'm leaving.

NAT
Okay...

TRIP
Let's talk some more about us both.

TRIP
You know, I can't say Grace never acts loving towards me...

TRIP
Nat,  She's all over me at our goddamn parties, trying to look good in front of the guests!

TRIP
No, let's switch to talking about Grace.

TRIP
Grace, I don't think you really do want us to quit our jobs, lead a simpler lifestyle.

GRACE
What? Trip, you know what I --

TRIP
Oh come on! You grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth. You can't live any other way.

NAT
Fuck you guys I'm going home..

TRIP
Okay,    Nat,  you know what?  I think you should leave.

(NAT points to the elevator button.)

(NAT points to the elevator button.)

TRIP
Nat,  come on, you've got to go.