Miraven: I found being in a wheelchair is a great fuckboi detterant
Guest_Guggenbiller: XD ugh lemme have your ways
Guest_Guggenbiller: z
Guest_Guggenbiller: Wait
Miraven: My facebook profile is just my face and none of my wheelchair pics (all 2 of them) are private.
Guest_Guggenbiller: you know what
Guest_Guggenbiller: I'll just change myself as a person
Miraven: So it's like, all flirtty and shirt.
Miraven: shit*
Miraven: and the I just
Miraven: "Lemme stop yoou right there."
Guest_Guggenbiller: :p
Guest_Guggenbiller: :O
Guest_Guggenbiller: *
Miraven: "Im disabled and in a wheelchair"
Guest_Guggenbiller: XD
Miraven: *slides the photo of me in*
Guest_Guggenbiller: Hey
Miraven: "*fuckboi has disconnected*"
Miraven: me: *nodding sagely*
Guest_Guggenbiller: I think you being in a wheel chair isn't a bad thing
Guest_Guggenbiller: :<
Miraven: I man
Miraven: I would greatly prefer to not be in one
Guest_Guggenbiller: I think it's good that you're alive
Miraven: I'm not 100% in it. I can walk. I have chronic fatigue so I cant walk far wihtout collapsing.
Guest_Guggenbiller: otherwise we wouldn't have these chats eh
Guest_Guggenbiller: ?
Miraven: Hence the wheelchair.
Miraven: Most wheelchair users aren't fully unable to walk, believe it or not
Guest_Guggenbiller: Well the wheel chair is apart of you
Guest_Guggenbiller: so
Guest_Guggenbiller: <.<"
Miraven: The majority - aside from parapalegics and whatnot - can walk very short distances.
Guest_Guggenbiller: It's not bad
Miraven: It's...a part of me though.
Miraven: I can still walk but I need it. It is vital to my existance, really.
Guest_Guggenbiller: And being you
Guest_Guggenbiller: Isn't a bad thing
Guest_Guggenbiller: <.<"
Miraven: Well, that's a whole other ball of wax im working on with my therapist ^^;;
Miraven: But, the wheelchair is really difficult not just because of the emotional issues it brings.
Guest_Guggenbiller: It's like a character builder :o like how many people can say that they have something interesting ehhh?
Guest_Guggenbiller: Oi
Guest_Guggenbiller: Everyone has emotional issues
Guest_Guggenbiller: Even Aaron does despite the way he feels about it.
Miraven: Characters aren't always good, though.
Guest_Guggenbiller: I do, Lexi does, everybofy.
Guest_Guggenbiller: *everybody
Miraven: I know they do, but there's level.
Miraven: levels.
Miraven: Being in a wheelchair has absolutely destoryed my confidence and has altered the way the world percieves me.
Miraven: It's not just a chair, Max.
Guest_Guggenbiller: It's the way YOU view it tbh
Miraven: Being in a wheelchair makes people stop doing things to you. People don't say hi to me as they pass by. They don't look at me.
Miraven: No, it's not.
Guest_Guggenbiller: Who cares what the outside world thinks.
Miraven: I have personally observed peoople treating me far worse.
Guest_Guggenbiller: But what matters is how YOU think about you
Miraven: Unfortunately, I care.
Miraven: I can't not care.
Miraven: It is simply not a choice not to care.
Miraven: I love the world and the people in it
Miraven: Being in a wheelchair has literally acted to isolate my from the world I love so much.
Guest_Guggenbiller: You'll learn to not care eventually. I'm just saying as a passerby, that it doesn't really matter what I or anyone other than you says.
Miraven: It wasn't until I got my tank and the perceptions changed that the world started acting kindly.
Guest_Guggenbiller: It matters what you say and think for yourself.
Miraven: I don't think I'll be able to explain it, honestly.
Miraven: It's not that the world is cruel.
Guest_Guggenbiller: Lol I know what you're saying.
Miraven: Or that it said cruel things prior to me being in my wheelchair.
Miraven: I don't think you do. It's not a 'me against the world thing'
Guest_Guggenbiller: But you lack so much self esteem I can't not say this to you.
Miraven: I do lack self esteem.
Miraven: I know this.
Guest_Guggenbiller: You feel that way because your Tank is new.
Guest_Guggenbiller: And better than before.
Miraven: But the chair situations isn't lack of self esteem
Miraven: Pause.
Miraven: You need to have an understanding of what I'm saying before we move on.
Guest_Guggenbiller: z
Guest_Guggenbiller: I do tho
Miraven: It's important as a wheelchair user that you see my perspective.
Guest_Guggenbiller: z
Miraven: Because it's not self esteem
Miraven: It's how the world treats wheelchair users in general
Guest_Guggenbiller: it is tho
Miraven: And It's important to me,-
Miraven: Max, I am telling you as someone that uses a wheelchair, it is.
Guest_Guggenbiller: if you had confidence in yourself for the level you needwhat the outside world says or does doesn't matter.
Guest_Guggenbiller: Regardless of the now.
Guest_Guggenbiller: Because in the end YOU matter to you.
Miraven: Unless you've been in a wheelchair for a prolonged amount of time, you couldn't possibly fathom what I'm talking about, and that's okay.
Guest_Guggenbiller: Lol
Guest_Guggenbiller: Trust me
Miraven: What I'm saying is not about me.
Guest_Guggenbiller: I understand.
Guest_Guggenbiller: And I feel you too.
Miraven: There is a coldness toward people in wheelchairs.
Miraven: I didn't realize I did it too until I was in one
Guest_Guggenbiller: There is coldness to everyone.
Guest_Guggenbiller: Tbh.
Miraven: People are told to look away, not stare at those who are different.
Miraven: The desire to be compassionate and 'not rude', in turn, is very isolating.
Guest_Guggenbiller: Like everyone else
Miraven: People used to say hi and would smile as I walked by.
Miraven: Now people won't look because they don't want to be rude.
Guest_Guggenbiller: Lol so?
Miraven: It's not because they hate me, or they're cold.
Guest_Guggenbiller: What does it matter?
Guest_Guggenbiller: Are you here on this earth to please others?
Miraven: I'm a human and I crave interaction from other humans
Guest_Guggenbiller: Or yourself?
Miraven: I find pleasure in making others happy.
Guest_Guggenbiller: that
Guest_Guggenbiller: is the problem.
Miraven: I don't know why I was placed on the earth, but I know I love making people happy.
Guest_Guggenbiller: The lack of self love thinking that others will save you will be your downfall.
Miraven: *Sighs* I don't think we're going to see eye-to-eye on this, Max.
Guest_Guggenbiller: What happens if we all disappeared?
Miraven: I ask we just change topics, since this is very ciclical.
Guest_Guggenbiller: Do you have anyone to please?
Miraven: For the record, I dont want anyone to save me
Guest_Guggenbiller: Think about it.
Miraven: I just love seeing other people happy.
Guest_Guggenbiller: But if you're going to doctors clearly you do.
Miraven: I don't care what I get out of it. I just find happiness in the joy of others.
Miraven: I dont go to doctors because I want to make them happy.
Miraven: I go to doctors because they keep me from dying.
Guest_Guggenbiller: Ah
Miraven: Those are two vastly different things.
Guest_Guggenbiller: but they save you yes?
Miraven: No.
Miraven: They treat me.
Guest_Guggenbiller: yes
Guest_Guggenbiller: They do save you
Guest_Guggenbiller: They keep you from dying.
Miraven: Considering where I am health wise, I'd say that's false.
Guest_Guggenbiller: You on the other hand are stubborn <.<
Synthwave: Back :D
Miraven: I haven't come close to dying yet.
Guest_Guggenbiller: weba
Guest_Guggenbiller: but you go to be saved
Synthwave: Thanks
Miraven: But I've had a lot of scares and, were I not seeing my doctors, I'd be dead.
Guest_Guggenbiller: there isn't a difference.
Guest_Guggenbiller: You even said you go to therapy
Synthwave: Max, you're not helping
Guest_Guggenbiller: that's mental saving right there.
Miraven: To me, based on my perception of 'save', they're not saving.
Miraven: They're helping.
Miraven: It's mental health /treatment
Synthwave: Your heart is tin the right place, but you're execution isn't working
Miraven: No one can 'save me'
Synthwave: is in*
Miraven: I can be helped.
Miraven: But I have zero expectations to be saved.
Miraven: And I can identify that I need to be /helped/.
Guest_Guggenbiller: Lol my execution is fine, I'm being me. That's all that matters.
Miraven: There is nothing to save me from.
Miraven: To even consider being 'saved' is unhealthy.
Guest_Guggenbiller: It's true either way.
Miraven: I am chronically ill. I am in a situation where I cannot be cured.
Miraven: To even dare think I can be 'saved' from a genetic, uncurable illness is unhealthy to think.
Miraven: But I believe this is a matter of percpetions.
Guest_Guggenbiller: Besides even if I did change tactic it's not like she's actually listening
Miraven: Our percpections don't line up, and while I don't understand or see yours fully I respect it nonethless.
Guest_Guggenbiller: she's just firing back to save herself.