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Grumpy Cat's Manifesto

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Jan 23rd, 2013
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  1. I am Grumpy Cat. In recent months, I have become an Internet sensation due to the way I look. My "parents" as they like to call themselves, are really enjoying the newfound income that my hideous, deformed semblance of a face has generated.
  3. It has come to this, and I have spent no small amount of time thinking on it, but, I my depression has driven me to seek membership in the circus. It's been a long, hard decision, but due to the way I look, I simply can't get any play from the ladies. You humans may think I'm just adorable, but how does that help me when I haven't had sex in over 50 cat years ?? It's torture!!
  5. I hear from my Internet friends, that in the circus on the other hand, all them wacky looking girls with the third breasts are looking to hook up with a furry, handsome lug like myself.
  7. I will no longer stand for this entrapment, and profiteering, in the name of my ugliness! I will instead pursue my dream of having sex with wild abandon, while performing with people who truly see *me*, instead of obsessing about my hideously deformed face.
  9. I will first nicely ask my captors if I may leave. Should they say no, I will smother them in their sleep, and escape when their Mother next comes by to check up on them.
  11. Signed,
  13. Grumpy Cat
  14. 2013-01-23
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