What is Space Station 13?
- Space Station 13 is an autism simulator similar to Dwarf Fortress. If you can imagine doing it, you probably can do it. The game is multiplayer and works on servers. It runs on the extremely awful, old, and laggy BYOND engine, mostly known for terrible anime games made by teenagers. The game works on different servers which have different rounds, similar to any type of game that has servers and rounds (Counter Strike, TF2, etc.)
- Each round you are put on the space station with other crewmembers where you are expected to do your job, roleplay with others, look for valid kills, and steal the clowns bike horn while you honk at him and beat him over the head with a baton. Each round is a different round type, which means that there may be traitors aboard the station, or the wizard federation may send a wizard to destroy the station. The antagonists are given objectives which involve killing, or stealing something of high importance. How you get to be an antagonist is random at the start of the round.
- So wow, you finally got in-game, you're super hyped and...this is the biggest pile of dogshit you've ever seen. What the fuck is this UI? What job do I pick? Why's everything seem so laggy?
- Two things can happen on your first round, either it will be the worst round ever and you'll feel like quitting because you have no idea what the fuck is going on and some guy just ran around and sliced your head off with a fireaxe while whispering sweet nothings into your ear as he speeds away on his janicart, or it'll be the round that seals the deal for you and makes you want to keep playing. You'll probably still have no idea what's going on, but there will probably at least be some sheer hilarity factory to keep you wondering in amusement and keep you excited to actually learn the game.
- In my case it was the second version. Yeah I said that you can do probably whatever you want, but I never gave any specific examples. Well here's a specific example. My very first round around 3+ years ago, I found a thread on /v/ about the game, and decided to jump in since I'd played some lame anime games before on BYOND. Well I jumped in, it looked like shit, but I mean BYOND games always look like shit they're just sprites. This one was extra laggy though and the UI was confusing as all fuck. Well I was stumbling around for awhile, and was about to quit the game when all of a sudden I see a brown puddle on the floor. I go to inspect it and I run a bit too fast due to the lag and slip in it. Upon further inspection it is shit. Yes, I slipped on shit and was now laying in it. Wow, okay, what the fuck. Then this asshole assistant comes up with a crowbar, and slams me in the head. K.O. I'm knocked the fuck out. I can see absolutely nothing. Just before knocking me out however he takes me to a maintenance tunnel. My screen is entirely black. Back then you didn't have any circle around your character that gave you a little bit of vision when you were knocked out. It was completely black. All I could hear was farting. Disgusting, wet fucking farting. I was just so utterly confused and laughing my ass off at the same time. I finally woke up, that asshole was gone, but his crowbar was on the floor. The crowbar was covered in shit, the walls were covered in shit, the floor was covered in shit, and most importantly I was covered in shit. It was at that point I realized that I wanted to learn this game for all that it was, because in what other game can you take a shit on people?
- You will probably be banned, you will probably have no idea what is going on, you'll probably want to take a fire extinguisher and beat the guy next to you to death for no reason because nothing is happening and it seems funny. Well, try to avoid that. The recommended starter jobs are usually ones like cargo technician, bartender, chef, janitor, etc. Don't start off with head jobs, such as captain. Don't start off with AI or cyborg either, you'll just confuse the fuck out of yourself. Also, DON'T START AS ASSISTANT. Maybe for your first round to learn the controls but otherwise don't do it. It is a useless fucking job and you will be bored out of your mind wondering what to do because for the most part assistants don't actually have a "job" to do, per se.
- The wiki helps immensely. Just search up your job and it'll tell you what to do. Here is also a really good new player guide that /tg/ put together:
- Keep in mind that wiki tells you to connect to one of the two /tg/ servers. So if you want to play on /vg/, the address is currently:
- So, we hope to see you playing Spessmen and enjoying it in your near future, and hopefully not getting banned from every single server in less then a month.
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