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Bigwood May 17th, 2016 46 Never
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  1. [23:28:03] <Giantree> So sometime during the hotspring shipping adventure, or rather, as soon as you get out, Michelle is following you around and eyeing you ominously.  And not anybody else in the group.
  2. [23:28:18] * Ramiel is now known as KriBe
  3. [23:28:27] <Giantree> This persists even if you do something hilariously loli like going out for cake, like you're being spied on.  But very badly spied on.
  4. [23:28:41] <Giantree> man i'm not even going to attempt to /nick to a really common name like that
  5. [23:28:44] <Giantree> lmao that B though
  6. [23:28:46] <Giantree> fucking adorable
  7. [23:28:52] <KriBe> Michelle's the girl I basically kidnapped, right?
  8. [23:28:54] <Giantree> yeah
  9. [23:29:00] <KriBe> Making sure I get everyone's names right.
  10. [23:29:07] <KriBe> Still learning, not good with names
  11. [23:29:08] <Giantree> you uh
  12. [23:29:11] <KriBe> As I'm sure you all know
  13. [23:29:12] <Giantree> took her armor too I think?
  14. [23:29:26] <KriBe> Seeing I stripped her naked at one point, probably yeah
  15. [23:29:37] <Giantree> actually we can avert the whole first part of this if you left her weapon in a really obvious place now that i think about it
  16. [23:30:08] <Giantree> But being an enemy with a FUCKING DANGEROUS weapon who was a commander of a unit ready to kick your ass, anybody would realize that's probably a really shitty idea.
  17. [23:30:09] <KriBe> Probably left it behind in the snow, unless it was some super-special thing or she was clutching it hard even in near-death
  18. [23:30:44] <Giantree> Well, it's definitely better craftsmanship than most weapons, yeah
  19. [23:30:46] <KriBe> In which case I'd like, hit her hand pressure points till she let go
  20. [23:30:51] <Giantree> RUDE
  21. [23:30:53] <KriBe> In a friendly way
  22. [23:31:00] <Giantree> STEALING ISN'T FRIENDLY
  23. [23:31:01] <Vena> and then it breaks in two because we can't have it right
  24. [23:31:07] <KriBe> She's unconscious, she ain't gonna know
  25. [23:31:09] <Giantree> you'll see
  26. [23:31:14] <Vena> KriBe 2 strong
  27. [23:31:20] <KriBe> >3 STR
  28. [23:31:22] <Giantree> But point being, she's conscious now because you didn't kill her, and now she's angrily following you everywhere.
  29. [23:31:28] <KriBe> 2 strong indeed
  30. [23:31:52] <Vena> KriBe 3 strong
  31. [23:34:19] <Giantree> ... Oh yeah, if the armor's in the snow too, she wears that yukata thing the whole time too.  And it looks pretty good on her, for being an evil idol-worshiping fangirl and all.
  32. [23:34:41] <KriBe> How could cute girls be evil?  That's not possible.
  33. [23:34:48] <Giantree> All girls are the devil.
  34. [23:34:58] <KriBe> Once grown up, sure
  35. [23:35:09] <Giantree> No, all little girls are the devil, haven't you seen the Waterboy?
  36. [23:35:21] <KriBe> Nope, don't know it
  37. [23:35:28] <Giantree> damn, that's one of the few good adam sandler movies
  38. [23:35:40] <KriBe> And little girls are only the devil if they're Nano- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa\
  39. [23:36:12] <Giantree> But no I mean, this one is wearing an evil smirk, works for the country you KNOW has to be totally evil because it's at war with this one, and also tried to kill you.  P. evil.
  40. [23:36:38] <KriBe> People are trying to kill each other?  Really?  That's not very nice.
  41. [23:36:46] <KriBe> Where are these people so I can tell them to cut it out
  42. [23:36:54] <Giantree> oh god i can FEEL the airheadedness from over here
  43. [23:37:05] <Giantree> ... okay I already know where this is going, let me take this
  44. [23:37:08] <KriBe> Tell them with my axe I mean
  45. [23:37:54] <Giantree> Mimi continues her wordless, angry glaring, across the whole city after you get back from the spring.  And since it's the weapon capital of the world as blogged above, there's probably a lot to look at.  And considering it's also a hot tourist spot there's a lot of cake shops and stuff too.  And souvenirs.
  46. [23:39:04] <Giantree> .... Oh, and if you go around in armor, you get CONSTANT pestering from weapon/armor stores run by craftknights from the local guild, or regular blacksmiths who think they're badasses who can show up the guild, or whatever.  They don't care if their customer is a loli, anyone in armor has gotta be somebody who wants to fight shit.
  47. [23:39:15] <KriBe> This is a fantastic town, we're gonna settle here and spend the rest of the campaign just hanging out, right?
  48. [23:39:23] <Giantree> Yeah and roleplaying breakfast.
  49. [23:39:31] <KriBe> Perfect
  50. [23:40:29] <Giantree> Partizania is nowhere NEAR as big as Rolantia or shit-I-already-forgot-what-I-named-Acaiah's-capital or anything, but it's still a thriving city with a lot going on.  Of course it's mostly tourist trap merchant shit.
  51. [23:41:28] <Giantree> And there's many a comical scene where you're approached by some seedy, shady merchant trying to sell you death sticks, you end up with an excuse not to (or get some anyway holy shit how gullible can you be), and then he offers them to Michelle immediately behind you who punches him in the face and leaves him there.
  52. [23:42:10] <KriBe> Death sticks?  Ewww.  Got some, I duno, Friendship sticks instead?
  53. [23:42:32] <Giantree> ok that does sound like a good street name for drugs actually, the dealer happily takes that advice
  54. [23:43:13] <KriBe> Oh, and those silly smiths, thinking they can do anything better than my armor.  I did mention it's magic enchanted armor whose strength is held by sheer force of will, right?  Yeah, something like that.
  55. [23:43:22] <Giantree> It's not immediate, but soon over the next few months the new totally-not-opium called 'friendship sticks' starts spreading, killing hundreds of children who think it's candy.
  56. [23:43:34] <KriBe> oops
  57. [23:43:45] <KriBe> Well with a name like that, it can't be *too* harmful, right?
  58. [23:43:49] <KriBe> ?
  59. [23:43:55] <KriBe> Eh, good thing we'll be gone by then
  60. [23:44:13] <Giantree> Yeah, you did.  And it is.  And a few dudes think they can steal it, and probably end up with an axe to the face or something.  That or - no it's fatal - you obliviously walk past them and Mimi snaps their neck behind you.
  61. [23:44:51] <Giantree> Anyway, after a few hours, she gets tired and loses the unspoken contest you've been having, speaking up in the grouchiest tone imaginably while you're in the middle of a nondescript alleyway or something.  "So how long are you going to keep ignoring me?"
  62. [23:45:27] <KriBe> So in other words I'm going around town having a grand time and leaving a trail of beat-up, unconscious and/or dead dudes in my wake
  63. [23:45:39] <KriBe> Without realizing it
  64. [23:45:43] <Giantree> Yeah.  And due to 94% airheadedness- yes.
  65. [23:46:10] <Giantree> ... ok most of them aren't dead, the sirrolantean army trains all their soldiers in nonlethal CQC
  66. [23:46:38] <KriBe> Ok good, I'd feel bad if they were and I found out.  Probably.
  67. [23:48:03] <Giantree> In the case of continued ignoring, Mimi stands in front of where you're going (you've been wandering around so long she memorized the streets) and blocks your path, tapping her foot.  She's mad af.
  68. [23:48:37] * KriBe spins around suddenly, axe out "Huh?!  Who's there?"
  69. [23:48:38] <KriBe> Then sees Michelle and relaxes again "Oh, heyo, what's up?  Going shopping or something?"
  70. [23:49:06] <KriBe> She also sees the trail of dudes on the ground, and shakes her head slightly.  Some people just have too much fun on vacation, they really should learn to control themselves.
  71. [23:50:13] <Giantree> "... You're not serious."  The ex-wyvern rider grumbles with narrowed eyes.  "Look, I know you're enjoying messing with me, but just give me my goddamned weapon and armor back already, I don't even have any reason to attack you anymore."
  72. [23:54:38] * KriBe kinda ???'s slightly  "You armor?  Should just be back at the inn somewhere, stripped it off to change'ya and haven't touched it since."
  73. [23:54:40] <KriBe> "But your weapon. . ."  she tries to think for a bit  "I dunno, probably back in the field or something.  Never touched it."
  74. [23:54:44] <KriBe> "Why, you leaving already?"
  75. [23:56:48] <Giantree> "Wh-"  You can feel the fury just by being in her general vicinity.  "LEFT it there?  With all the masterwork craftsmanship that went into my Dragon Lance, all the money you could've made if you pawned it, you just LEAVE it out there where any random idiot thief could scavenge the battlefield and steal it?  What is someone like you who doesn't know the value of weapons even doing on the battlefield anyway?  You.... you....!"
  76. [23:57:38] <Giantree> The commander's about to make you her next victim, reaching out and making strangly hands, but then punches a wall with such force that a brick falls out of the wall (and her hand's bleeding, but she tries to cover that up to look cool) and stomps off with titanic anger.
  77. [23:58:23] <Giantree> That's the last you end up seeing of her, granting you plenty time to continue shopping unbothered.  But for some reason everybody in town is kind of scared of you.
  78. [23:58:28] <Giantree> ... FOR THAT DAY.
  79. [23:58:29] <KriBe> "Uh-oh . . . did I make a mistake?"  She gets kinda worried
  80. [23:58:39] <KriBe> Uh-uh, I'm chasing her now
  81. [23:59:04] <Giantree> Oh okay fine, you actually see her rushing outside of the town where she starts digging in the snow.
  82. Session Time: Tue May 17 00:00:00 2016
  83. [00:00:05] <Giantree> Normally I'm nto one for porting game mechanics into canon, but this is definitely a time when having a skill called 'scavenge' is fkn useful.  Or it would be, if she didn't end up just finsing a bunch of dead animals, frozen tree branches, and shitty broken mook weapons.
  84. [00:00:15] * KriBe chases to catch up, shouting "Hey, wait up"
  85. [00:00:17] <KriBe> And when finally caught up
  86. [00:00:24] <Giantree> ~celerity~
  87. [00:00:59] <Giantree> "... What?"  She grouchily retorts.  "You don't have anything to do with me anymore.  Unless you lied to me, in which case I'll kill you in your sleep."
  88. [00:03:42] <KriBe> "Hey, uh, I made a mistake, didn't I?"  Fidgets.
  89. [00:03:48] <KriBe>  "That weapon must be pretty important to you, huh?  I shoulda though about that then, why I didn't I think about that, stupid!"  Bonks herself on the head lightly.
  90. [00:03:56] <KriBe>  "Like my axe here" she tightens her grip on the handle, "I dunno what I'd do if I lost it, it's way too precious to me"  
  91. [00:04:01] <KriBe> "Here, I'll help ya find your lance.  Let's go!"  And with that, she starts cleaving the snow around with her axe.
  92. [00:04:51] <KriBe> How do you cleave snow with an axe?  Who knows.
  93. [00:05:56] <Giantree> grumblegrumble "not gonna thank you."  After... not very long, you end up discovering a very dead wyvern.  Michelle cries for it but looks away because she doesn't want to be seen and wants to look cool.  Next to it is, amazingly enough, the very spear she was wielding in the battle- looking at it, it actually DOES look very high-quality and like it could sell for a lot.  It's colored red, either in enemy blood or to blend in with the color of enemy blood, and looks just as violent as a Killer Lance.
  94. [00:06:43] <Giantree> Upon finding it, Mimi hugs it as if it were her baby, and... may or may not spend some time buying her former mount, but the snow already did most of that anyway.
  95. [00:07:56] <Giantree> After being satisfied with finding it, she points it in your direction, threateningly.  "Well... I guess you didn't lie to me.  That's worth something.  But that doesn't change that we still fought each other."
  96. [00:09:08] <Giantree> "Seeing your attitude just now," she tries to keep smirking but it's kinda obvious she's intentionally trying to act cool despite the pain she's feeling.  And it's not emotional pain, either- if you weren't full airhead during the bath scene, you may have noticed she has a NASTY scar from the injury she almost died from.  Wasn't on her face though, probs like the shoulder or something.  "I'm even more interested than I was before in finishing our little duel from earlier.  How about it?"
  97. [00:13:29] * KriBe fidgets to the side, unsure what exactly to say  "So, uh, sorry about your Wyvern.  I hate it when those poor majestic creatures have to die like that."
  98. [00:13:33] <KriBe>  "But at least we found your spear!"  
  99. [00:13:39] <KriBe> "What, you want to duel?  Right now??"  She grips her axe again, brandishing it a bit higher.  
  100. [00:13:40] <KriBe> "Uhhh, you sure you wanna do that right now?  The sale's only gonna last till sunset, not much time left!"
  101. [00:14:56] <Giantree> "Well um."  She fidgets.  "I-I still kinda need to get my armor.  But sundown's a perfect time for a duel, isn't it?  How about we meet somewhere then?"  NOW she's back to smugly posing.  "And it can be a friendly match, I guess.  I'm just interested in how someone like you fights."
  102. [00:20:12] * KriBe relaxes "Oh, sure then, sound's fun!"
  103. [00:20:14] <KriBe> "Now if you'll 'xcuse me, I've got treats to go buy.  See you back at the springs in at sundown then!"
  104. [00:20:27] <KriBe> And she runs off to the big sale.  For what, one can only imagine
  105. [00:20:41] <Giantree> ajkslflkgoh god at the springs
  106. [00:20:42] <Giantree> lmao
  107. [00:20:52] <Giantree> QUICK
  108. [00:20:54] <Giantree> SPECTATORS
  109. [00:20:57] <Giantree> SOMEONE NAME OFF A POSE
  110. [00:20:58] <Giantree> ANY POSE
  111. [00:21:17] <Flamy> Great Mazinger's pose in J.
  112. [00:21:29] <Flamy> Literally any JoJo pose
  113. [00:21:43] <Giantree> ... well I did say 'any pose' bu- OH yeah okay that's a great idea thanks
  114. [00:21:57] <Giantree> OKAY
  115. [00:22:19] <Flamy> ... I only just realized the humor in saying JoJo.
  116. [00:23:50] <KriBe> Well the spring's where her armor is, so why not there?
  117. [00:23:58] <KriBe> It's kinda where we're all staying right now, right?
  118. [00:24:27] <Giantree> First of all, turns out the sale is all junk because this place is designed to rip tourists off.  If anything the stuff on sale isn't on sale ENOUGH because it's literally worthless.  Like, 'axe made of solid gold' kind of worthless, in that yeah it's made of stuff that costs a lot of money but as a weapon it's about as useful as a chair.  Not to say chairs can't be badass weapons, and in fact, one of the craftknights in town has a store that's all about selling weaponized furniture.  It gets as much business as you'd expect.  That said though, you eventually make it to the planned site at the springs, sort of out of the way so as to not disturb customers but there's still a statue of a little girl doing the 'awaken, my masters' pose at the spot anyway.  And it has wings.
  119. [00:24:46] <Giantree> ... And yeah I guess so actually, I was kind of imagining it being a lodge in the town but either works
  120. [00:26:12] <Giantree> And yeah, the tryhard is standing there, cape billowing in the wind.  If the sprite didn't make it obvious that she had a cape, I'll say it now: she does.  I mean, not unlike a lot of other characters in this campaign, this chick is an extreme chuunibyou.  In fact I could probably describe EVERY character that exists in this thing by using the term 'chuunibyou.'  Seriously.  Just look at them.  I challenge you to name ONE character who isn't chuuni.
  121. [00:26:15] <Giantree> ... don't do it in here though
  122. [00:27:52] <Giantree> "So you came!"  Mimi says haughtily, turning around and brandishing the spear.  She holds it in one hand, which is unusual for a spear, and it's a pretty heavy-looking one too so it looks like she's intentionally gimping herself or giving a handicap or something.  "I didn't expect you to run away after you fought off my entire unit like that, though."
  123. [00:29:19] <Giantree> "In my country, a battle between strangers is one without respect or honor.  That's why we shout our names first."  She's just making this up.  "I am Michelle, Wyvern Captain of Sirrolant, and chosen heir of Her Majesty God-General Dragon Queen Mina!"
  124. [00:32:02] * KriBe stands in the entrance, leaning on her axe and staring for a moment
  125. [00:32:05] <KriBe> "It's a nice getup, but don't you think you're overdoing it just a tad?"
  126. [00:32:31] <Giantree> "N-No!"
  127. [00:33:27] <KriBe> (Did she blush?  Please tell me she blushed a bit.)
  128. [00:33:40] <Giantree> Yes.
  129. [00:33:50] <KriBe> Good
  130. [00:35:51] <Giantree> She just sort of... stands in place, waiting for a counter-announcement.  Or an attack?  Hell if you can tell.
  131. [00:35:54] <KriBe> "Well alright then, guess I'll give it a try."  She holds her axe back up, points it towards Michelle, takes in a deep breath, aand
  132. [00:36:19] <KriBe> "I'm Kriße"
  133. [00:36:36] <Giantree> "Uh... is the e silent?"
  134. [00:38:39] <KriBe> "Hmmm, I suppose so?"
  135. [00:38:52] <KriBe> "Never thought about that"
  136. [00:39:26] <Giantree> "Oh, I see.  I mean, I just heard it, but I wanted to check anyway.  W-Well anyway, for something else that has a silent e: en garde!" She immediately rushes forward with a one-armed jab.
  137. [00:39:54] <KriBe> Nevermind, it likely isn't, had to look up german pronunciation rules real quick.
  138. [00:40:13] <Giantree> nice, I actually wasn't sure myself because I JUST DID THE GERMAN B AS A JOKE GEEZ
  139. [00:40:40] <Flamy> Thiß waß a bad idea.
  140. [00:40:45] <Giantree> I'm not even sure if there even would be a germany-alike in this setting, come to think of it; maybe it's in space?  It's Space Germany?
  141. [00:40:58] <Flamy> Neo Germany.
  142. [00:41:08] <Giantree> and you're not actually a branded but a space traveler with convenient amnesia sent from the galactic empire to conquer this planet?
  143. [00:41:17] <Vena> if there's a germany-alike in this setting
  144. [00:41:21] <Vena> it's literally the dragons
  145. [00:41:22] <Giantree> ... shit i should stop talking, that's something i'd ACTUALLY do
  146. [00:41:34] <Giantree> THE DRAGONS ARE THE GALACTIC EMPIRE
  147. [00:41:36] <Giantree> MIND = BLOWN
  148. [00:41:39] <KriBe> https://translate.google.com/?biw=1920&bih=982&bav=on.2,or.&bvm=bv.122129774,d.eWE&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&client=tw-ob#auto/en/kri%C3%9Fe  Yeah, here we go
  149. [00:41:40] <Flamy> Fuck.
  150. [00:42:03] <Giantree> wow that actually sounds S U P E R cute
  151. [00:42:06] <Giantree> i no longer regret it
  152. [00:42:36] <Giantree> ... i also don't regret having an NPC comment about pronunciation and break the fourth wall because that was worthwhile
  153. [00:43:27] <KriBe> But anyways, we gonna have a battle in fluff?  Don't think my imagination and typing skills are up to that challenge fully.
  154. [00:43:36] <Giantree> Anyway, we won't get ALL the way into complicated dueling mechanics - or else I'd go literally full Suikoden and write a minigame where you have the options of attack/guard/special and the enemy gives you a hint of what they're going to do in dialogue and you have to guess what to rock-paper-scissors them with.
  155. [00:43:51] <Vena> Is it really a contest?
  156. [00:44:16] <Giantree> I'm defs not going to do it in actual ingame mechanics because the dragon lance is RIDICULOUS
  157. [00:44:18] <Giantree> But, no
  158. [00:44:35] <Giantree> just roll with me here for this part quicklike, shitty one-armed lunge wat do
  159. [00:46:31] <KriBe> Hmm, axehead sitting back on the ground, if I'm nimble enough dodge my body to the side and try to trap the spear between my body and axe?  That might be too technical and specific to manage though
  160. [00:47:10] <Giantree> WOW you're overthinking it yeah, just do it like you would imagine a lazy artist choreographing an anime battle
  161. [00:50:24] <KriBe> Well yeah, that's what I thought, with kinda rotate to the side to dodge.  But if I do that, and my axe is sitting on the floor, hands on the handle like a walking stick or something, the axe ain't gonna spin with me and that means the lance is gonna go right into the gap between us.
  162. [00:50:37] <Giantree> Though I would say there is nothing remotely realistic about a little girl wearing heavyass armor moving quickly while holding a magic-infused axe (and even if there was, that last part would just kill it all dead in its tracks) so don't even try thinking about it like that- oh there you go
  163. [00:51:22] <KriBe> And then I pull/drag my axe back to me, but there's a lance between us now.
  164. [00:52:07] <KriBe> I have no idea, that sounds like it's straight out of some terrible kung-fu fighting movie where everything is 100% as unrealistic as possible
  165. [00:52:38] <Flamy> Let it stab you. Proceed to awaken your inner draconic instincts, giving you enhanced reflexes and mental clarity.
  166. [00:53:21] <KriBe> Pls
  167. [00:53:31] <KriBe> Getting stabbed hurts you know
  168. [00:53:37] <Giantree> Well, the jab was just sort of a test to see what you'd do, and she's not about to just lose her whole weapon like that after all the effort of getting it back, so she grabs the lance with her other arm to pull it back and stop it before it can get all the way up there.  It DID start with you two a little bit of distance away, after all.  But as she does so, you can hear a sort of tearing sound, and if you look REALLY closely you'd see her red armor get even redder around the shoulder area.  She doesn't wince or anything though, just turns with you and starts to look for another opening.
  169. [00:57:35] * KriBe lazily lifts her axe back up and gets into a much better battle stance.
  170. [00:57:37] <KriBe> "Oh, nice try with the quick opening lunge there.  You'll have to try better than that though"
  171. [00:57:37] <Giantree> "Not bad.  But are you able to even hit me with that thing?"  shit at this rate i really AM going to just turn it into the suikoden duel system
  172. [00:58:46] <KriBe> "I dunno, wanna come over here and find out?"
  173. [00:59:27] <Giantree> "What do you think?"  She tightens her stance and holds the lance in a guard-ready position.
  174. [01:00:04] <KriBe> "Hope you don't expect me to run over there in this armor"  She takes a few steps forward, slowly
  175. [01:00:58] <Giantree> Mimi closes her eyes for a second and lets the cape billow in the wind.  It's the chuuniest thing you've ever seen.
  176. [01:01:33] <KriBe> Now that's a bold claim
  177. [01:01:43] <Giantree> Okay, it's REALLY chuuni though.
  178. [01:04:28] <Giantree> The FE4/5 armor knight walking animations really are fantastic, that's exactly what I'm seeing this as.  Obnoxiously slow, and that's why you only get like one PC armor knight ever.  Well, one in each.
  179. [01:05:07] <Giantree> Like, each step is mega clunk and you see all their armor bouncing along with them.
  180. [01:06:21] <Vena> I fear for our future considering how many years it will take for future battles to conclude, given how Kriße...does things
  181. [01:06:56] <Giantree> man now that i know how to pronounce it right, i hnng out loud a little every time i say it
  182. [01:08:27] <KriBe> Yeah, nice slow movement forward.  But I ain't lunging or anything.  I'm a patient girl, it's how I do things.  Well, combat things.
  183. [01:09:16] <Giantree> Unfortunately for that notion you're both pretty patient, so the defense stance doesn't surprise switch or anything.  Just sort of standing there waiting to parry.
  184. [01:09:41] <Giantree> ... Like she forgot you have a magic axe or something?
  185. [01:11:00] <KriBe> Hurr durr, how do magic axes even work
  186. [01:11:28] <Giantree> Well, going by the games' attack animations you just kinda hold them up and magic shit happens
  187. [01:11:44] <Giantree> even 1 did it that way, i now know
  188. [01:12:23] <KriBe> So uh, once I'm just a few feet away, and nothing happens for a minute or so, guess I'll point and zap.  "You not gonna come at me again?"
  189. [01:12:24] <Giantree> and jugdral defs did, elibe defs did, magvel defs did because its shit is all the same as elibe animation-wise, i THIIIIIIIIINK tellius did?
  190. [01:12:58] <Giantree> "You'd think you were trying to have an argument instead of a duel, with all that talking."
  191. [01:14:28] <Giantree> Though, as expected, as soon as she sees the weapon hefted at all, she gets to her feet and starts to leap to the side in response, when a thunderous crackling roars.
  192. [01:14:46] <KriBe> "Well it is kinda boring when they don't attack"
  193. [01:14:47] <Giantree> ... wait, it's not supposed to sound like that.
  194. [01:16:30] <Giantree> Michelle does some chuunibyou posing and gets ready to go for the parry, when the axe suddenly has flashbacks of those times when it was used to make like 50 attacks per round against dozens of units that keep healing themselves, and the whole head just kinda... falls off.
  195. [01:17:19] <Giantree> "W- Er- um..."
  196. [01:17:34] <KriBe> "Wat"
  197. [01:17:39] <Giantree> "... Never seen that happen before."
  198. [01:19:00] <Giantree> The ex-wyv rider lowers her weapon and casually strolls over, looking at the big fragment on the ground.  "Yep.  Thought something was off.  You've been using that a lot, haven't you?"
  199. [01:19:19] <KriBe> She completely forgets she's in a duel and goes completely out of battle stance, just holds the, uh, handle-stick up and stares at it.
  200. [01:19:21] <KriBe> "Wat"
  201. [01:20:56] <KriBe> "Uh, yeah, I mean it is my weapon, of course I use it a lot"
  202. [01:21:14] <Giantree> "W-Well.  I'd say 'serves you right,' but I want to have that duel already AND I-I guess you helped me out earlier.  Pick that thing up- it just so happens the person who crafted my lance lives near here, I can introduce you."
  203. [01:22:57] <KriBe> "S-serves me right?  But aren't weapons SUPPOSED to be used and not break and stuff?"  She shifts her dumbfounded gaze down to the axehead on the floor
  204. [01:23:27] <Giantree> "What?"  She's walking off already.  "Didn't you say it was precious to you?  Don't you want it repaired?"
  205. [01:24:33] <KriBe> She bends over and tries to stick the head back on the handle, only to have it comically fall off moments after she lets go.  ". . . huh"
  206. [01:24:34] <Giantree> "I mean, obviously weapons break if they're used too much and not maintained.  Even an amateur knows that, duh."
  207. [01:25:49] <Giantree> "And besides!"  Michelle boredly twirls her spear around in one hand.  "Putting the head back on an axe is the easiest thing a blacksmith can do, it'll probably only take a few minutes."
  208. [01:26:07] <Giantree> you can practically see an arrow pointing with 'doesn't know what she's talking about' overlaid on the scene
  209. [01:26:29] <KriBe> "Wha, you sure about that?  Even if they're all magicky and stuff?  Ain't never seen something like that happen before"
  210. [01:26:38] <KriBe> Oh no I'm channeling Gustav's abbreviations
  211. [01:26:42] <Giantree> NICE
  212. [01:26:45] <KriBe> (back in five)
  213. [01:27:12] <Giantree> "Well, me neither to be honest."  hi mom "But if there's anyone that could fix a magic weapon, it's probably him."
  214. [01:32:13] <Giantree> Now you could just return to the spring and channel some freaky-ass dragon vein shit to i don't know automagically fix it and not give a fuck, but we all know that's retarded so for all intensive purposes I'll say you end up following the crazy fangirl's lead, which would end up taking you back to the city (it's not TOO much of a walk) and into the biggest building in it, the Craftknight's Guild.  Duh.  What, did you think it was going to be an ordinary blacksmith or something?  The Guild is designed to look like it's almost a palace or something, with ornate and symmetrical designs everywhere, and a LOT of stairs.  She basically waltzes up to the reception desk like it's business as usual and asks for a 'Grav,' which prompts the staff to point in the same direction every time.  You don't even bother with the maze-like hallways and corridors and keep walking one straight path, like heading to a king's audience chamber or something.
  215. [01:33:07] * KriBe picks up her axehead and calmly follows in a bit of a daze
  216. [01:33:37] <Giantree> Eventually you end up at some MASSIVE, ornate double-doors.  Michelle just takes a deep breath and kicks them with full force, screaming.  "HEY, OLD MAN, IT'S ME!  OPEN UP!"
  217. [01:36:16] <Giantree> The doors slowly creak open, illuminating a dark room.  There is no sound from within it but that of furnaces churning - is that even what furnaces do? - and a hammer pounding away at an anvil, which stops.  After a bit the doors fully open, and Michelle walks inside, seemingly unimpressed at the enormous collection of weapons that line the walls and many different racks of the room.  Most of which look like they're fit for kings; as for the man in the room, he doesn't look very kingly at all.  Just like a massive collection of muscles that happen to arrange themselves in the shape of a man, and for whatever reason I'm imagining him wearing a turban even though it makes no sense in this setting but neither do craftknights.  He's a big guy (for both of you) with an eyepatch and a black beard wearing a turban.
  218. [01:37:10] <Giantree> "OH! The DRAGON SPEAR!" It's like this guy is so used to pounding that he can't speak without shouting.  "What are you DOING all the way OUT HERE?"
  219. [01:38:27] <Giantree> "None'a yer business," Mimi waves a hand dismissively.  "Got into a tussel.  Not happy about it.  But hey, I was trying to have a duel with this kid hear, and her magic weapon just kinda farted and fell apart.  Think you could do something about it?"
  220. [01:38:36] <Giantree> "Oh, and the dragon spear says hi, I guess," she adds.
  221. [01:40:43] * KriBe just holds it up wordlessly, still dealing with a Dazed status effect here
  222. [01:40:53] <Giantree> The giant of a man - did I mention he was big? - approaches, probably about three or four yous in height, and kneels down, observing the axe head that you presumably didn't tuck away in a secret armor compartment or something HOLY SHIT that is a badass idea did you ever think of that?  Having armor compartments that open and it's like, Bender's chest compartment where you just pull random shit out of?  You should totes do that, especially if the armor is way too big for the loli's body, like it seems like it is.  Anyway, the guy smiles wide like he's your grandpa and bellows out.  "GREETINGS, little ONE!  I am GRAV, the LEADER of this CRAFTKNIGHT'S GUILD!  I owed a FAVOR to this girl's FAMILY!"
  223. [01:41:11] <Giantree> "... SAY."  His smile turns into a frown.  "Could you LOOK me in the EYE?"
  224. [01:41:39] <Giantree> "What's the matter, gramps?"  Mimi smirks.  "Never heard that one before, you got a thing for little girls now?"
  225. [01:41:47] <Giantree> He just gives her a 'shhhh.'
  226. [01:43:54] <Giantree> oh yeah he's shirtless too
  227. [01:43:55] <Giantree> i mean
  228. [01:44:00] <Giantree> why the FUCK would a blacksmith wear a shirt
  229. [01:44:05] <Giantree> but just sorta clarifying here
  230. [01:50:52] * KriBe looks up, eye-to-eye as requested.  "So, uh, you fix things I hear?  Darn thing decided to be rude and break, right in the middle of a fight even"  She holds the axehead up as she speaks.
  231. [01:52:57] <Giantree> Yeah, he only has one eye so there's not much in the way of eye to look at.  But he stares deep into your soul... ok I use that line too much, he actually just looks at you kind of calculatingly, like sizing up basic stuff like how worn your weapon is, how much you must exercise, now much the armor weight, your measurements underneath the armor, what color underwear you're wearing, et cetera, but he notices something else.  "I SEE," he remarks with a nod.  "I wasn't EXPECTING that."
  232. [01:54:46] <Giantree> "INDEED, your weapon has been USED quite a BIT.  It could've used a bit of a TUNE-UP!"  He returns to standing, towering and massive, and looks down like a powerful genie sizing up its new master.  Wait that's a terrible analogy.  "But I'm MORE interested in YOU."  Michelle whistles, to which he just kinda glares at her with his one eye.  She looks away.
  233. [02:03:26] <Giantree> "That WEAPON is attuned to a SOUL, using POWERFUL magic.  But not just ANY soul," he takes up his hammer habitually.  "It's only POSSIBLE to do something like that when the SOUL belongs to one INFUSED with the POWER of DRAGONS.  You had that custom-MADE?"
  234. [02:03:43] <KriBe> "Wha, do weapons NORMALLY need tune-ups?"
  235. [02:04:11] <KriBe> "I, uhhh, don't honestly remember.  Just had it forever it seems"
  236. [02:04:11] <Giantree> "Duh?"  Michelle snarks over to the side, but then what was just said sinks in.  "Wait, the power of WHATS?"
  237. [02:05:30] <Giantree> "YOU HEARD ME," he remarks in such a tone you'd think he was ACTUALLY her grandfather.  "I UNDERSTAND.  It's no COINCIDENCE that you would show me this then, LITTLE ONE.  I can INDEED repair it for you.  HOWEVER..."
  238. [02:06:50] <KriBe> "Well why didn't you tell me that, dumb thing!"  She smacks the axe in mild frustration
  239. [02:08:16] <KriBe> I also just realized that line sounds kinda lewd
  240. [02:08:52] <Giantree> "THIS weapon was made with TECHNIQUES that have been long LOST to us.  But I've been doing RESEARCH on ancient SMITHING, and I RECOGNIZE this craft."  He laughs heartily at the fact that you have a conversation with the axe, as though he does it often himself.  And he probably does.  "This AXE is a bit MUTED from what it's SUPPOSED to be, like it was made EASIER to use by someone.  I could UNLOCK its potential, but it would be DIFFICULT, and I'd need a MATERIAL to do it."
  241. [02:10:35] <KriBe> "Well doesn't that all sound mighty convenient"
  242. [02:11:12] <Giantree> "I don't HAVE the material," he frowns.  "But I can DESCRIBE it."
  243. [02:14:36] <Giantree> "LONG AGO, the DRAGONS' power was used to make WEAPONS, like the ones of LEGEND.  But these were much EARLIER, in time UNRECOUNTABLE."  Is that even a word?  It is now.  "So while the METHODS are gone, we KNOW that they left them in RUINS that are usually UNDERGROUND now.  And only those RELATED to the dragons can open the WAY into them, say the BOOKS.  For SAFETY purposes."  "Gramps, that sounds dumb," Michelle interrupts.  He retorts with an "I'M NOT your GRANDFATHER."
  244. [02:16:05] <Giantree> "They say there are MONSTERS and CREATURES made by dragon MAGIC down in those.  If you FOUND one, and brought me a PART from an especially POWERFUL one, I could make that weapon into what it was DESIGNED to be."
  245. [02:17:15] <Giantree> Satisfied with finishing his explanation, the giant pauses, back turned to the two of you now.  "HOWEVER, I can REPAIR it now instead, like it WAS, for just some GOLD.  But using MODERN techniques would make the ANCIENT ones UNRECOVERABLE, and it wouldn't EVER be able to be UNLOCKED."
  246. [02:17:54] <Giantree> "Gold, huh?"  Michelle sighs.  "Whatever, put it on my tab if you do that, I just wanna duel this kid already.  Choice is hers though I guess."
  247. [02:18:02] * KriBe eyes him warily, but amusingly  "This some sort of play or show?  Sounds awfully scripted to me.  You use the same lines on every fair maiden comes through your doors?"
  248. [02:18:48] <Giantree> "USUALLY, nobody COMES through them."
  249. [02:21:05] <KriBe> "Nah, see, everything you just said, sounds like it's straight outta a storytale stage play.  Trying to woo me or something?"  wink wink nudge nudge  
  250. [02:21:07] <KriBe> "Cause pretty as I am, I ain't like that you know"
  251. [02:21:48] <Giantree> "It's SURELY difficult to BELIEVE.  Do you mean to say you weren't even AWARE that you had DRAGON BLOOD?  I can SEE it in your EYES."
  252. [02:22:01] <Giantree> "... Gramps, that sounds even more like you're hitting on her," Michelle buts in again.
  253. [02:24:50] <Giantree> "I'll hit on YOU with my HAMMER if you don't be QUIET," he remarks.
  254. [02:28:15] <KriBe> "Dragon blood?  That
  255. [02:28:24] <KriBe> *That's a thing?  Neato"
  256. [02:28:43] * KriBe is completely unfazed at the news, no big deal
  257. [02:29:18] <Giantree> "Yeah uh.  That's the bit that sounds like a fairytale to me."  Michelle grumps.
  258. [02:29:41] <Giantree> "No way YOU can have that.  Because that's what Dragon Queen Mina-sama has!  Kyaaaaaaaaa~!"
  259. [02:29:48] <Giantree> "And you're nowhere NEAR as cool as her."
  260. [02:30:04] <Giantree> "B-But that's why I liked dueling you i-if it's true I guess."
  261. [02:30:41] <Giantree> A hammer whizzes across the entire room and bonks the wall right next to where Michelle is standing.  She takes the hint and seals her lips.
  262. [02:31:21] <Giantree> "I'll give you TIME to DECIDE if you NEED it.  I'm sure that's a very PRECIOUS HEIRLOOM to you."
  263. [02:33:13] <KriBe> "Well, might explain things.  The crazy powers, the occasionally glowing eyes, the pure smug."  
  264. [02:33:14] <KriBe> "And here I just thought I was naturally awesome~"
  265. [02:33:38] <Giantree> "Isn't having dragon blood and being naturally awesome the same thing?"
  266. [02:33:55] <KriBe> "HEY MICKY, CHECK IT OUT"  
  267. [02:33:57] * KriBe strikes a POSE, focused on her EYES
  268. [02:34:00] <Giantree> i like how i don't even need to clarify who's talking because one randomly capitalizes shit and the other doesn't
  269. [02:34:03] <Giantree> WOW
  270. [02:34:16] <Giantree> "... Micky?"
  271. [02:34:24] <Giantree> and i'm seeing that as a double ranka wink
  272. [02:34:28] <Giantree> double kiraboshi?
  273. [02:34:29] <Giantree> whatever
  274. [02:34:31] <Giantree> you know what i mean
  275. [02:34:41] <KriBe> Yup, sounds about right
  276. [02:34:47] <Giantree> Excellent
  277. [02:34:58] <KriBe> . . . maybe not double, but that kinda pose yeah
  278. [02:35:13] <KriBe> Wow I have a sudden urge to go watch Star Driver now
  279. [02:35:27] <Giantree> "HA HA HA!"  The smith turns around again.  "You're quite ENERGETIC."  To receive this axe as gift.
  280. [02:35:35] <Giantree> ... watch or rewatch?
  281. [02:35:44] <KriBe> rewatch of course
  282. [02:35:49] <Giantree> eh, not worth it
  283. [02:35:53] <Giantree> seen it once, not gonna change
  284. [02:35:55] <KriBe> Shush you
  285. [02:35:57] <Giantree> the LoGH OVAs on the other hand...
  286. [02:36:08] <KriBe> I rewatch stuff all the time.
  287. [02:36:17] <Giantree> groß
  288. [02:36:37] <KriBe> Oh, I think I'm gonna try my hand at making a full LoGH mod for Stellaris.  But that's a convo for another time.
  289. [02:36:56] <Giantree> i'm a little surprised at the idea that it doesn't already exist
  290. [02:37:50] <KriBe> Few people have mentioned how awesome it'd be, but doesn't look lik anyone wants to step up and do it.
  291. [02:38:07] <Giantree> "Though, I'm quite BUSY.  So come SEE me when you've made a DECISION."  Without further words, he immediately goes back to work hammering some shit.  Loudly.
  292. [02:38:15] <KriBe> Of course there's already full conversion mods for Star Wars, Star Trek, Warhammer 40k, and several others well underway.  But yeah.
  293. [02:38:18] <Giantree> And the cutscene ends, returning control to the player.
  294. [02:38:37] <KriBe> I immediately scrounge around the room for phat loot
  295. [02:38:44] <KriBe> Like any good RPG
  296. [02:39:12] <Giantree> Oh yeah all the weapons are on racks and stuff.  It's actually a pretty neat room.
  297. [02:40:02] <Giantree> Everything that's there looks dull or impractical, just for show.  Like there's... zweihanders and shit, but that one's 12 feet tall or something.  No human could lift it.  Dragons probably couldn't lift it.
  298. [02:41:01] <Giantree> but since this is an important plot room and you didn't see any treasure chests in the background during the cutscene, you now know that there are no treasure chests in this room and that you have to go to all the floors and in all the tiny side-rooms to find actual loot
  299. [02:41:12] <Giantree> and even then, you know it'll all be shit like herbs and like, 100 gold
  300. [02:43:03] <Giantree> and so you get lazy and decide to stop looking because you know it'll take 3 hours, and then years later after beating it you go and look at a guide out of curiosity to see what was in there and it turns out a secret sidequest item used to make another one of the legendary ultimate weapons is not only in one of the rooms, but in a CABINET of one of the rooms, and those are almost never interactable so you have no reason to even try it, as it's the only one in the game that actually works that way
  301. [02:43:09] <KriBe> Hey, that stuff adds up.
  302. [02:43:12] <Giantree> holy shit i made myself really angry just by typing all that
  303. [02:43:25] <KriBe> nic
  304. [02:43:25] <Giantree> i would decapitate any dev if they did that
  305. [02:43:28] <KriBe> *nice
  306. [02:43:41] <KriBe> Leave no item behind, no room unchecked, no matter how insignificant
  307. [02:44:38] <KriBe> "So what exactly do ya need Gramps?"
  308. [02:45:59] <Giantree> "TYPICALLY, ancient CONSTRUCTS have a MAGICAL source of ENERGY.  But if you can CARRY it and FIND something like that, just bring the WHOLE thing!  WA HA HA HA!"
  309. [02:46:40] <Giantree> "And you know these things actually exist?"  Michelle clarifies.
  310. [02:46:45] <Giantree> "NO, I just READ about it!"
  311. [02:46:57] <KriBe> Crap I heard that as a loud, deep masculine version of Misha
  312. [02:47:04] <Giantree> N
  313. [02:47:06] <Giantree> I
  314. [02:47:08] <Giantree> E
  315. [02:47:08] <Giantree> C
  316. [02:47:30] <KriBe> from katawa crash
  317. [02:47:43] <KriBe> The warped-ish version from katawa crash, I mean
  318. [02:47:50] <Giantree> re: niec
  319. [02:48:07] <Giantree> sometimes i wonder if you're more corrupted by /a/ or by me
  320. [02:48:16] <Giantree> it seems like a tough call
  321. [02:49:25] <KriBe> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOGRf68Mj7E Yup, that's pretty much what I heard in my head
  322. [02:49:46] <Giantree> That said though, unless you immediately have an idea that's all that really NEEDS to be played out, if you pussy out and keep the runeaxe like it is it's a pretty standard process and you don't even have to pay anything for it except dueling the SHIT out of the evil not!loli
  323. [02:50:04] <KriBe> PLZ like I'm gonna turn down ADVENTURE
  324. [02:50:19] <Giantree> But the other route uh... well, maybe you can borrow something to use for a little while, and just be PRETTY useful instead of RIDICULOUSLY useful for x amount of maps
  325. [02:50:25] <Giantree> where x is 'i'm not telling you, that's why it's a gamble'
  326. [02:51:50] <KriBe> What part of 'I would never turn down ADVENTURE' don't you get
  327. [02:52:22] <Giantree> JUST GIVING A DISCLAIMER
  328. [02:52:56] <KriBe> Disclamers are for wusses
  329. [02:52:57] <Giantree> and now hopefully that vague-ass "i'll nerf but maybe buff the armorloli" thing i was saying a while ago makes sense now
  330. [02:53:07] <KriBe> Who needs all that legal mumbo jumbo
  331. [02:53:09] <Giantree> not that
  332. [02:53:15] <Giantree> everybody isn't going to get legendary weapon sidequests
  333. [02:53:21] <Giantree> because spoilers i'm gonna hand them out like candy
  334. [02:53:35] <KriBe> REAL lolis make their choices and take their licks like a man.
  335. [02:53:40] <KriBe> . . . a loli-man
  336. [02:53:42] <KriBe> . . .
  337. [02:53:43] <Giantree> i did not
  338. [02:53:44] <Giantree> read that
  339. [02:53:46] <KriBe> I'm gonna shut up now
  340. [02:53:47] <Giantree> as 'licks'
  341. [02:53:50] <Giantree> for the first few seconds
  342. [02:53:54] <Giantree> and that is all i am gonna say
  343. [02:54:42] <KriBe> Oh man this is going downhill fast aaaaaaaa
  344. [02:56:18] <Giantree> dude you
  345. [02:56:18] <Giantree> know
  346. [02:56:19] <Giantree> that's
  347. [02:56:21] <Giantree> literally
  348. [02:56:25] <Giantree> the kefka laugh from ff6 right
  349. [02:56:35] <KriBe> Never played ff6
  350. [02:56:39] <KriBe> Or any ff#
  351. [02:56:51] <KriBe> Just tactics advanced and crystal chronicles
  352. [02:57:31] <Giantree> you've been doing so well at getting de-innocentified and corrupted
  353. [02:57:35] <Giantree> but
  354. [02:57:44] <Giantree> i never in my life thought i'd meet something who didn't know something so entry-level
  355. [02:57:59] <Giantree> amazing
  356. [02:58:27] <KriBe> Who's kefka anyways?
  358. [02:59:13] <KriBe> I'm dead serious
  359. [02:59:24] <Giantree> just
  360. [02:59:27] <Giantree> google the name
  361. [02:59:31] <Giantree> i'd say 'for funnies'
  362. [02:59:36] <Giantree> but it won't be very funny
  363. [02:59:41] <Giantree> though the
  364. [02:59:59] <Giantree> "intelligent, nihilistic, and with a wicked sense of humor" meme is SO popular that i'm shocked you wouldn't know him just from that
  365. [03:00:04] <Giantree> so i'm convinced you're rusing me
  366. [03:00:27] <KriBe> For Final Fantasy # characters, from any game, I'll will recognize about 4-5 characters from 7 cause it was talked about so much online as a kid.  But that's it.  Nobody from any of the other games.
  367. [03:00:51] <Giantree> i mean, it's a shitty series yeah
  368. [03:01:02] <KriBe> Hmmm, I get the feeling I may have seen this picture before, but nope don't really recognize him
  369. [03:01:08] <Giantree> but no, kefka is the evil clown BBEG from 6
  370. [03:01:17] <Giantree> and he's famous for that laugh
  371. [03:01:26] <Giantree> which was a big deal in the SNES days
  372. [03:01:33] <Giantree> and spooked many a child
  373. [03:01:38] <Giantree> by playing that soundclip
  374. [03:02:36] <KriBe> Huh
  375. [03:02:56] <KriBe> Always wanted to play some of the better FF games.  But they're just sooooo long
  376. [03:03:05] <Giantree> nah, they're mid-length
  377. [03:03:15] <KriBe> I say as I play 50-hour GSG  runs over and over and over again
  378. [03:03:18] <Giantree> the ones that are actually long are the ones that suck
  379. [03:03:22] <Giantree> wait what
  380. [03:03:30] <Giantree> there's a gunslinger girl vidya?
  381. [03:03:52] <KriBe> Like Tales of Symphonia?  I loved that game, and always want to replay it cause I can't remember 2/3 of the plot, but it's just so loooooong
  382. [03:03:58] <KriBe> No, Grand-Strategy Game
  383. [03:04:03] <Giantree> oh
  384. [03:04:07] <Giantree> why is the G even there
  385. [03:04:23] <Giantree> also i remember 100% of the plot and the last time i played it was 10 years ago
  386. [03:04:29] <Giantree> i could recite it to you from the beginning right now
  387. [03:04:53] <Giantree> taleses are WAY longer than final faggotries though
  388. [03:05:01] <Giantree> at LEAST pre-PS1 era
  389. [03:05:29] <Giantree> i would still say even past that though
  390. [03:05:33] <Giantree> symph's length is like
  391. [03:05:37] <Giantree> in the middle
  392. [03:05:40] <Giantree> as far as the series goes
  393. [03:05:45] <Giantree> maybe a LITTLE mid-long
  394. [03:05:53] <Giantree> but the REAL long tales is abyss
  395. [03:05:56] <Giantree> which is UNSANE
  396. [03:06:14] <KriBe> Also, we're way off track now, so I'm gonna say we finish the scene with a nice convo detailing what and where I'm supposed to be looking/doing, and a mighty thankyou to mr. blacksmith.  Poor Micky, if she still wants to duel me with a regular axe I'd probably oblige, but it's obvious I won't be at full power.
  397. [03:06:22] <Giantree> oh, i said that a while ago
  398. [03:06:52] <KriBe> Yeah, I can barely remember anything that happens at all in Symphonia after they go to the other world.  Which is like 1/5 of the way through the game right?
  399. [03:06:53] <Giantree> And yeah if you want magic shit uhhhhh
  400. [03:07:07] <Giantree> well norn would let someone borrow her shockstick, she still has a staff
  401. [03:07:10] <Giantree> and actual STR
  402. [03:07:27] <Giantree> Yeah maybe a LITTLE farther than that, but still pretty much
  403. [03:07:30] <KriBe> But that's a lance, they're not as cool
  404. [03:07:32] * KriBe pouts
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