I haven't given feedback in awhile so hopefully this is actually helpful

I have a good feeling of how the ideas are building into each other, but sometimes there is either too much information, or you raise interesting threads that aren't exactly elaborated on. I absolutely do this too when I start writing because I have no idea where I'm going until I write. long game/plot synopsis is a difficult habit to break, especially because that's all most game writing is, and also it's easy to do. but it's more important to get your emotions and ideas across and less important to say things the game itself communicates at a glance. I should say, everything in the main (4-9) body paragraphs is excellent and going in the right direction, but the surrounding information is kind of all over the place.

though like I said, I have similar writing tics, and there's been essays were I've ended up cutting 10+ paragraphs because they were really me just freewriting to get somewhere lmao...

most importantly, I think the essay needs to establish a pattern of proofs, because the language is comparative, but the reader doesn't know what you're comparing it too, or what you're building toward — like it sounds like live-a-live isn't a game with just one isolated case of subversive play, but the essay is about an isolated case. so as is, you need at least another example (I think the ending of the game is the strongest example of how the game subverts player expectations, though the game is filled with examples)

if you want to talk about some concept of a "possibility space" — say it early and say it strong. don't guess your reader is going to know what you're talking about and don't let them guess anyway because they'll be wrong. don't be timid! criticism lets us edit the boundaries of videogames. do you mean that it shows untapped possibilities for rpgs/videogames? or(andor) do you mean that a videogame is a fog, or a mysterious call and response, that you have to probe (or at least it could be, but often isn't because of devotion to genre/convention?) I guess those are related. anyway, this essay is hinting at a big picture, and I think you can go for it!

(have you read this? http://harmonyzone.org/text/monsterparty.html it might be tangentially related)