ter2

Round #2. It's been a few months since the first round of begging. Now it's time for seconds.

tl;dr still sick.

Since january I've been to my therapist almost weekly but yeah, it's a long process. We've only just started treatment because the majority of the sessions has been exploring why I'm this way and how to approach the treatment etc. I'm feeling a teeney bit better, but only slightly, there's also a lot of exposure therapy to go through which is going to be fucking shit but if it helps it helps.

If you'd like to know more here's the message from my last one which explained my situation in better detail:

Aight so this is annoying,

Basically I'm a sick boy and I need help.

I need to go to therapy but it's expensive. I've had it through the NHS already and it kinda sucked. They made me feel rushed and very pushy on feeling better. Whereas I felt like there was a lot more for me to go over.

The only other option I have is to do it privately and the only place that's within a suitable area is £90 a session, benefit of this place as well is that there's a choice of people. So if I don't get on with whoever I'm with I can go to someone else.

Now, I know what you're thinking "why u need our money?" mainly because it's expensive, I have a part time job which goes to food rent and bills n' shit. Twitch revenue is very inconsistent and doesn't come through regularly enough.

It really hurts and shames me to have to do this, but I'm losing my mind. I feel trapped in whatever fucking dumb state I've gotten myself in to. I'm scared all the time of being sick and dying. I'm constantly anxious, depressed and just incredibly on edge.

I can't watch films or TV anymore as I don't switch off, I can't go out for a meal without being worried that what I'm eating might make me sick. Anything that my body does I get worried and get afraid that there's something wrong with me. I've started hurting myself during panic attacks out of just anger from being the way I am.

And I am scared that I might hurt myself more, I don't feel in control of my mind, when I panic it feels like I'm just watching myself break down.

Anyway, you don't have to give me anything, it's cool.

I've wasted and said no to so many opportunities to go places and see people within TF2 and in other games.

If I turn myself around I thank you.