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What Money Can Buy: Part 1

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Mar 12th, 2014
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  1. What money can buy.
  2. -----------------------------
  3.  
  4. The ring of the doorbell caught me completely off-guard. A nice little jump scare causing me to spill what was left of my cola all over my keyboard. I guess it’s my fault really. Watching horror movies on Netflix this late. Who in the hell was visiting at 1 in the morning anyway? Oh… Oh right, the oriental delivery man. I raise myself from my office chair and trudge to the front door of my condo. Upon opening the door I’m met with a different face than usual.
  5.  
  6. “Derivery for Mr. Anon?” He asks looking down at my receipt.
  7.  
  8. “That’s me.” I confirm.
  9.  
  10. He hands the large paper bag full of Chinese food to me before I even have the chance to pay him. I take the hefty amounts of MSG induced noodles and set them on the ground next to me before pulling out my wallet.
  11.  
  12. “Soooo… how much do I owe you?” I ask.
  13.  
  14. “Oh, uhm, $16.74 is yo totar, sir.”
  15.  
  16. I whip out a $20 and toss it his way.
  17.  
  18. “Keep the change.”
  19.  
  20. “Dank you very much, sir.”
  21.  
  22. Before he’s able to scurry away, I grab his attention to ask one last question.
  23.  
  24. “Hey, uhm. Where’s Mr. Cheng tonight?”
  25.  
  26. “Oh, Mista Cheng? He retired rast Wednesday.”
  27.  
  28. “Whaaaaaaaa? That sucks. Well thanks bud, you have a good one.”
  29.  
  30. “You too, sir.” The little Asian man concludes before turning the other direction and darting off with is little Chinese legs.
  31.  
  32. I shut the door and look down at my paper bag full of Chinese delicacies, realizing I’m not as hungry as I’d thought I was. Half the reason I ordered food this late was to talk to one of the only “friends” I really had left in this world, Mr. Cheng. Though an older fellow, he’d always give me advice almost as if I were his son. Our conversations were never longer than 20 or 30 minutes though, because he’d usually have orders to deliver back at the restaurant, but they always seemed to be life changing in a way. He was the wisest person I’d ever known… and probably the only one at this point.
  33.  
  34. See, being as rich and successful as I am, you tend to drive many relationships into the ground. In my case, all of them. My family still “loved” me per se, but whenever time came to visit them for holidays, birthdays, etc. I was sort of treated like a third wheel. I don’t blame them, I’ve done some pretty shitty things to my family to achieve the “success” that I have. Things that I can’t really mend with my wealth.
  35.  
  36. Mr. Cheng knew how lonely I’d been and I think he appreciated the fact he had someone like me in his life to give advice to. “Do not look for love” he’d always say, “Love will find you.”
  37.  
  38. This is why Mr. Cheng was such a prominent figure in my life, always glad to stop by and have a nice chat. That, or maybe he was just in it for the giant tips I gave him. Either way, I’d never wronged him and he’d never wronged me, it was nice to see a friendly face every now and then of someone I hadn’t screwed over.
  39.  
  40. Look at me, I’m so desperate I’d become attached to an old Chinese food delivery man. How fucking pathetic can someone get? Fuck being rich. If I could go back, I would have focused my time and effort on the people that make life worthwhile, not the success that brings brief moments of satisfaction.
  41.  
  42. I sit myself back down at my computer leaving the bag of food where it was, on the floor next to my front door. I wasn’t hungry in the slightest. You can call it depression, but I refer to it as being human. I literally had absolutely no one to turn to at this point. I was completely alone in this world. Not one person I could call up and ask to go hang at the bar, watch football, or have a nice dinner. No one.
  43.  
  44. I could always try internet dating, but as soon as any one of those whores found out I had a nice little sump of dough they’d be fighting over my dick like a pack of hungry wolves. Maybe I could try being gay? I’ve always sort of had an attraction toward guys. It’d be nice to have a qt bf, someone who’s not a blood sucking leech. Who the fuck am I kidding, any human being in their right mind would only hook up with me for my god damn money. Fuck it.
  45.  
  46. I guess it’s about time I hit the sack. I’ve got myself all riled up again and sleep is the best way to mend these feelings of hopelessness. I snuggle myself into my lavish king sized bed and curl around a soft pillow, squeezing it in desperation. My life was now comparable to that of a hormonal teenage girl’s, lonely and lacking in love. Hopefully the morning will bring something new, but I know it never does.
  47.  
  48.  
  49. My dreams are rudely interrupted by a loud banging at the door. I hear a voice that sounds like it belongs to a female, but it was too muffled to hear what she was trying to say. This makes no sense, no one comes to visit me. I attempt to open my eyelids but the piercing light causes me to close them tightly. Why the fuck was it bright in here? I never open the shades of my condo. It’s dark in here all the time, like 24/7.
  50.  
  51. The banging on the door increases to a faster pace. That’s when I feel a muscle on my head… twitch? Whatever happened, the sound became clearer and I was able to make out what this mysterious person was saying.
  52.  
  53. “Sweetie! You HAVE to wake up! You’re new parents are going to be here any minute!”
  54.  
  55. Did I… Did I hear that correctly? My new parents? This lady obviously had the wrong place. She was persistent though, continuing to bang on the door like an inconsiderate bitch. Alright, let’s see what this is all about.
  56.  
  57. I attempt to sit myself up, but my muscles refused to perform as all I did was roll to the side a bit. This was going to be one of THOSE mornings, wasn’t it? I try once more to pull myself up into a sitting position. Nothing. This is just fan-fucking-tastic. I decide to shout at the bitch to calm her down while I figure out what the hell’s going on with my body.
  58.  
  59. “HOLD ON FO—“ I stop myself.
  60.  
  61. That wasn’t me speaking, was it? I open my eyes, disregarding the blinding light, and raise my hand to feel my throat area. To my surprise, I’m not actually met with a hand, but merely a furry little brown stub. I freeze in place as my stomach sinks to depths unknown. What the hell is going on?
  62.  
  63. I lower this stub that I seemed to be in control of and catch sight of my surroundings. This isn’t even my room. It’s doused in bright shades of pink with a plethora of toys and furniture suit for a little girl. I raise the stub again to examine it when I notice the muzzle that’s obscuring the lower portion of my vision. Oh no. By this point I had a pretty good idea of what was going on. I thrash around under the sheets attempting remove them from myself. My efforts prove successful and I’m able to catch a glimpse at the rest of “my” body.
  64.  
  65. As suspected, this wasn’t my body at all. The body in my vision was coated in light brown fur and housed 4 stubby little legs, complete with a tail that was a darker shade of brown than the rest of the fur. Was I, a pony? A pony from that show I used to be obsessed with all those years ago? No. This couldn’t be. I was dreaming. I HAD to be dreaming.
  66.  
  67. What’s it called when you’re dreaming and you’re aware of it? Lucid right? It’s lucid dreaming. I’m lucid dreaming. I punch my muzzle to cause pain in an attempt to wake myself. Nothing happened other than the surge of throbbing pain that rushed to my nose. Wait, if you fall you wake up right? Like in the movie Inception? I just have to fall.
  68.  
  69. I waddle myself to the edge of the bed and roll off the side. I hit the ground with a loud “THUMP”, knocking all the air out of me. The banging at the door ceases and I can hear a voice of concern from the other side.
  70.  
  71. “Honey, are you alright?”
  72.  
  73. I try to regain myself, pumping as much oxygen as I can into my seemingly tiny lungs. That really fucking hurt! I open my eyes as the pain slowly begins recede and feel a tear run down my furry face. That hurt but I didn’t think it was anything that’d cause me to cry.
  74.  
  75. The voice from outside the door speaks up again.
  76.  
  77. “I’m coming in, okay?”
  78.  
  79. I can’t release anything but a small grunt, still recovering from the minor fall that somehow took quite a toll on me.
  80.  
  81. I hear the turning of a doorknob and a light creak of a slow moving door. I glance upward to see who the unknown visitor was. My breathing ceases as a mare pokes her head through the door and looks at me with eyes of horror.
  82.  
  83. “D’oh you poor thing! What happened?”
  84.  
  85. The unknown cartoon themed horse rushes her way toward me. Her fur a light pink-ish color with a mane that wore an even lighter shade of purple, and to my surprise she was… giant compared to my size. She hoists me to all fours and brushes the… mane? Yeah, the mane from my eyes.
  86.  
  87. “This is what happens when you stay up so late.” She says with a sarcastically grumpy tone.
  88.  
  89. The extent of my confusion almost too much to bear at this point. I’m not the type of guy to easily lose his grip on a situation, but this was about to throw me into full-fledged fucking panic attack. Breathing slowly to ease my nerves, I decide to ignore whatever voice came from my throat and ask this mare what the fuck was going on. I needed answers.
  90.  
  91. “Where am I?” I ask, my voice sounding similar to that of a young girl’s.
  92.  
  93. “That’s an excellent question!” She replies as she opens a drawer to one of the dressers and searches through some very feminine looking clothing.
  94.  
  95. “Is… Is this a dream?” I continue.
  96.  
  97. “You could say, but I can assure you that you’re not asleep. Think of it as, a dream come true.”
  98.  
  99. My stomach sinks again. Noononono. She was lying. I have to be asleep. This can’t be reality, this was only just a cartoon! Some old stupid cartoon that nobody cared about anymore! There’s no way any of this could be real. This had to be my brain playing some disgusting trick on me. Fuck you brain, you cunt.
  100.  
  101. I fall to my side, ignoring the pain, and curl myself into a little ball. Tears pouring their way down my face, soaking my fur. If this was really genuine, then I was done. I was just going to lie here until I died.
  102.  
  103. “Oh stop being such a baby.” The mare chirps as she picks me up again and sets on my haunches.
  104.  
  105. Well that was degrading. Not only did she make a gigantic life changing situation look like a joke, but she keeps lifting me into the air and tossing me around like some sort of child. This bitch was getting on my bad side, but she was right though, don’t be a baby. Keep a firm grip on the situation, you’ve got this anon.
  106.  
  107. I sniff and use my fetlock to rid my face of all the tears and snot.
  108.  
  109. “W-what the fuck am I doing here?”
  110.  
  111. “Whoa, hey now. That’s no language for a little filly.” Her tone turning firm.
  112.  
  113. Did she say filly?
  114.  
  115. “Filly? Th-That’s the term for a girl horse. Y-you meant to say c-colt, right?” I ask cautiously.
  116.  
  117. She giggles.
  118.  
  119. “I’m not one for mistaking another’s gender, hon.”
  120.  
  121. The mare picks me up and trots over to a mirror, setting me down in front of it.
  122.  
  123. My brain can’t quite process what I’m seeing. This isn’t me, this is just some small little girl horse who happens to be looking into the same mirror as myself. A horse with light brown fur. A horse with a dark brown mane. A horse with bright blue eyes. A horse with tiny little legs. Last I checked, I wasn’t a fucking horse. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to be the case at the moment, for the being in the mirror was with no question the one I possessed.
  124.  
  125. No problem. Just keep breathing. Sloooowwwwwlllllyyy. Slow breathing. In. Out. In. Out. You can do this. The world around you may have lost its sanity but you’re sure as hell not about to succumb to the same fate as reality. Your mentality towards horrifying situations is the only thing keeping you on your feet right now. Or hooves. NO. Feet! Sanity!
  126.  
  127. Was this temporary? I could still just be dreaming, but the pain I caused myself seemed fairly real. Maybe I died and this is hell? That seems to be the only viable explanation. This is hell. Colorful little horsey hell.
  128.  
  129. “Am I… dead?” I ask the mare.
  130.  
  131. “No honey, you’re not dead.” She continues to toss clothing about the room in search of something.
  132.  
  133. “Did I die, then come here?”
  134.  
  135. “No, you’re still you.” She answers with a slight hint of agitation.
  136.  
  137. “Is this hell?”
  138.  
  139. She looks at me with a small grin.
  140.  
  141. “I can assure you this place is anything but.”
  142.  
  143. “Are we still on earth?”
  144.  
  145. She lightly bats her head against the dresser, displaying her annoyance.
  146.  
  147. “Have you ever seen a colorful talking pony on earth?” She questions.
  148.  
  149. “Not that I can recall.”
  150.  
  151. “There’s your answer.” She finishes, returning to her search for an article of clothing.
  152.  
  153. “So when do I go back to being a male human?”
  154.  
  155. She freezes in her tracks and looks back at me. I must have stumped her… which is not a good sign at all.
  156.  
  157. “Sweetie—“
  158.  
  159. “Don’t call me that!” I interrupt, the sick feeling of horror slowly conjuring within my stomach.
  160.  
  161. “Look, what’s been done isn’t reversible. You’re not going back home anytime soon.”
  162.  
  163. The thought makes me tremble in fear as the realization sinks in. Irreversible? So what? I lost everything just like that? Overnight? I feel my chest burn to such an extent that the rest of my body goes limp. My emotions explode as I fall to the ground crying hysterically. I was man. A man with everything who’d lost anything he’d ever cared about. Now? Now I was a stupid foal, with nothing. I don’t even want answers at this point. I could care less. I just want to die.
  164.  
  165. I open my soaked eyelids and sporadically gaze about the room in search for anything I could use to kill myself. There were a few toys that looked like small pony dolls, maybe I could choke on those? Everything else sat on dressers which, you guessed it, were too tall for me to reach. With much effort, I crawl my way over to the pile of toys on the ground and insert one into my tiny mouth. I lie there desperately trying to swallow a little wooden toy horse until I feel a couple of limbs wrap themselves around me and lift me into the air… again.
  166.  
  167. The stupid dumb bitch mare reaches a hoof into my mouth and seizes the toy.
  168.  
  169. “Good lord little one. What were you trying to accomplish there?” She asks, suspending me in front of her face with her forelegs.
  170.  
  171. I kick my hind legs in a valiant effort to release myself from her grip, but my inferior strength just causes her to grin. I go limp and hang in her grasp, accepting my defeat.
  172.  
  173. “I was trying to kill myself.” I state firmly, but it just came out sounding like a grumpy child.
  174.  
  175. The mare raises a brow.
  176.  
  177. “…With a toy pony?” She mocks.
  178.  
  179. I huff and look away from her, crossing my forelegs, which were surprisingly flexible considering my new anatomy.
  180.  
  181. She releases a sigh before setting me back onto the ground. I just curl my stupid dumb horse body into another ball and lie motionless.
  182.  
  183. “Listen, I know this is all new and scary, but I really need you to do something for me, okay?” She asks pleadingly.
  184.  
  185. I continue to lie motionless, expressing absolutely zero interest in what she’s about to say. She lies down in front of me, pressing her nose against mine. I’m assuming it was an attempt to lift my spirits, but this stupid bitch wouldn’t be lifting anything of mine anytime soon. I dart my eyes in another direction, rendering her efforts futile.
  186.  
  187. “Pleeeeeeease?” She begs.
  188.  
  189. This throws me over the edge. I’m not totally sure why it made me as angry as it did, but I showed absolutely no restraint in voicing my agitation.
  190.  
  191. “You kidnap me, steal my life from me, turn me into a small horse, take my dick, replace it with ovaries, and now you want me to do shit for you? Listen you cunt, I don’t know who you ar—“
  192.  
  193. My rant is interrupted by sudden pain in my left cheek. It doesn’t take me long to realize the stubborn bitch just struck me. That fucking hurt! I raise a hoof to gently massage the area she’d just brutally beaten.
  194.  
  195. “Don’t you ever speak to me like that again, miss.”
  196.  
  197. “You just punched me!” I whine.
  198.  
  199. “Oh please, it was nothing more than a little slap. I would never ‘punch’ a foal.” She justifies.
  200.  
  201. Her sudden display of superiority triggered a very strong feeling of… guilt. Why was I being so mean to her? She was only trying to be nice. Why am I so rude? I always fuck everything up.
  202.  
  203. This influx of negative thought causes my body to react accordingly. I can feel my ears lower as I almost instinctively sink my head in sorrow, which was just another unintentional display of my inferiority. M-Maybe I should apologize?
  204.  
  205. “I… I’m really sorry.” I murmur, keeping my eyes fixed toward the ground.
  206.  
  207. “It’s alright, hon.” She replies in a much more soothing tone, “Just remember to use your manners, okay?”
  208.  
  209. I nod.
  210.  
  211. “Now, I need you to listen to me, alright?”
  212.  
  213. I nod again. She places a hoof on the underside of my muzzle and lifts my head to make eye contact with her. As much as I’d like to rebel, I know it won’t do me any good.
  214.  
  215. “Promise you won’t interrupt?”
  216.  
  217. I nod with force, shaking her hoof away from my face.
  218.  
  219. “Good. Two very nice ponies are going to be here any minute to take you home with them. I need you to help me get yourself ready to go, understood?”
  220.  
  221. “T-Take me home?”
  222.  
  223. “Mhm. They’re going to be your new family!”
  224.  
  225. “You mean I’m…. being adopted?” I ask in horror.
  226.  
  227. “Yep!”
  228.  
  229. Wai-wai-wai-wai-wai- wait WHAT!? Just hours ago I was asleep in my bed as a human male and now I’m being adopted as a pony by complete strangers!? THAT AREN’T EVEN HUMAN!? TO BE THEIR DAUGHTER!?
  230.  
  231. I can’t do it. Nope! Can’t handle this. 2much4me. I drag myself to a corner of the room and curl in a small space between the wall and the dresser. Maybe being small wasn’t all that bad, it allowed me to hide in places where bitch horse couldn’t reach me.
  232.  
  233. “You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”
  234.  
  235. “I don’t even know what’s going on! Why am I here!? Why am I a pony!? Why am I being adopted by complete strangers!? I already have a family! I already have a life! I’m rich and powerful! Why would you do this to me!? I don’t even know your name!”
  236.  
  237. She chuckles.
  238.  
  239. “Of course you do! And you said it yourself, if you had the chance to go back you’d focus on the people you love rather than the success you’d achieve.”
  240.  
  241. My heart stops for a moment.
  242.  
  243. “H-How did you? How do kno—“
  244.  
  245. “Love will find you, darling.”
  246.  
  247. I choke on my words as I’m left utterly speechless. Was she? What!?
  248.  
  249. “C-Cheng?”
  250.  
  251. “Think of this as your second chance, Anon.”
  252.  
  253. She made a valid point. My life may have been stable, but it was by no means enjoyable. Maybe… maybe this really was my opportunity at trying it all again. Though I can’t say I’d prefer doing it all as an adopted little filly, but I guess that’s just another obstacle I’d have to overcome. This also means I’d have to revive the mindset I once used to have, “It’s not over until I win.”
  254.  
  255. Words I used to live by… until I won of course. Then it all went downhill because being at the top was lonely and sucked dick.
  256.  
  257. “So what do you say?” She asks with a hopeful tone.
  258.  
  259. I lie in my corner pondering for a few silent moments. Was I really about to go through with this? I didn’t really have anything to lose. Sure I had built an empire back on Earth, but it meant nothing to me anymore. Leaving my “legacy” behind to peruse a life as a mare? This is one of the weirdest fucking things I’ve ever considered doing… it better be worth it.
  260.  
  261. I crawl from my hidey-hole and fall to my haunches a couple feet from where she sat, looking up at her with eyes of, “okay I’ll go through with this but I’m still very unsure and I hardly trust what’s about to happen but I have nothing to lose so why the fuck not.”
  262.  
  263. She seems to get it and scoops me up from the ground with much excitement.
  264.  
  265. “Alrighty! Let’s get you cleaned up, little miss!”
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