Homestuck: A6I3 MINISTRIFE!!! Transcript

(Notes: All content originates from: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=007327
For transcripts of the other three flash games in A6I3: http://pastebin.com/u/zenithalgaze
Worth noting that the flash itself is /only color coded/ and does not feature the names of the characters before their dialogue!  However this also means this transcript will be easy to search -- if you look up "NAME:" for any particular character, you will be able to find all of their lines, even embedded in the absurd, beautiful clusterfuck that is this flash.
Happy End of Act 6 Intermission 3!!!)




[S] [A613] MINISTRIFE!!!

STRIFE!

MEENAH: H-EY YOU! serket lookin girl
MEENAH: wanna join my army
VRISKA: Oh, I see. It's the Peixes wanna8e. So you're the one raising this army. That's hilarious.
VRISKA: Sorry, I can't join your dum8 army. I'm 8usy pursuing a much more intelligent strategy.
MEENAH: who da fuck you callin a wannabe?? lousy pants wearin smart mouth aranea ripoff
MEENAH: now get in my army fore i poke you up beeyotch
VRISKA: Not gonna happen!!!!!!!! I am however looking for a large num8er of recruits to follow me on my treasure hunting expedition.
MEENAH: wut
VRISKA: I need an enormous mo8 of ghosts following me around to get that asshole's attention, so he can wreck more empty space and help me find the treasure! You want in?
MEENAH: that makes no fuckin sense at all
MEENAH: anemoneway i dont recall giving anyone clearance for a whalenormous treasure hunt
MEENAH: as the rightful heiress that sorta noise has to go through me yo!!!
VRISKA: Haha! Wow, I had no idea the Peixes twin was such a riot! At least, I HOPE you were trying to 8e funny with that remark.
VRISKA: John! Tavros! Stop goofing off over there and come get a load of this chick!!!!!!!!
TAVROS: uHH, wHAT? wHAT AM i ACTUALLY GETTING A LOAD OF,
JOHN: oh, it's you! i remember you.
MEENAH: ITS BLU-E BOY!!! hahaha i forgot about this dumb nerd
JOHN: hey... what are you doing with that...
JOHN: no, please put the pokey thing down!
MEENAH: H-EY BLU-E BOY!!! CATC)(!!!!!!
JOHN: AUGH, NOT AGAIN!!!
TAVROS: oH, yES, eHEHEHEHEHEH,
VRISKA: Oh no. You did NOT just fork-vanish my alt universe ex 8oyfriend. No you DIDN'T!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: guess u could say i made him
disaSP-EAR 38)
VRISKA: Who do you think you are? Some sort of 8ad girl? Please, that's o8viously my turf.
8ut you clearly want to rum8le, so who am I to deny you the 8eatdown you're angling for?
MEENAH: angling?? hey stick to spider puns or whatever if youre gonna talk smack
FIS)( PUNS AR-E MY TURF!!!
or i guess i mean... surf 38?
VRISKA: Yeah, uh, I don't really DO puns? Mainly 8ecause I'm not a lame wiggler.
Anyway you sure like to wave that trident around while running your mouth. I wonder if you had any intention of engaging in any actual com8at?
Guess it's up to me to get this party started, as usual. Watch and learn!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: aw man is this what were doin now
changing into our bullshit god rags?
VRISKA: Your move, punk! :::;)
MEENAH: but these jams are so ugly
bleh fine here goes nofin
-E-E-E-E-E------EUUUG)(
i look like hell... all beige and shit
how can you even stand these grody ass thief duds
VRIKSA: Wow, unreal. What a prima donna! Tavros, can you 8elieve this girl?
Hey, what are you doing? Stop fidgeting around! Are you looking for something?
TAVROS: (mUst fINd, my pReciOUs,,,)
MEENAH: i was thinkin of modding ma peejays to look a little snazzier
water you think of...
MEENAH: this?
VRISKA: Uh........
MEENAH: or this? or maybe...
VRISKA: ::::|
MEENAH: wait how bout
MEENAH: yea???
VRISKA: ????????
VRISKA: Oh my god. Will you stop????????
You don't like your gear, just do what I do. Take it to the next level! Check it.
MEENAH: da fuuuuck
come on girl i aint got no dice or fancy pirate threads this is like my top shellf battle mode here
MEENAH: but i CAN call for backup
my homies can help teach you to show your royalty a lil respect
ARANEA: Hey, what's going on here?! Meenah, are you fighting with my dancestor? This is so counterproductive!
MEENAH: original recipe serket. quit yer glubbin and go god tier already theres a rumble goin down in the hood
ARANEA: Oh, fine. 8ut I am not participating in this fight!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Hey there, dorky teen Marquise! Nice of you to join us.
Your friend seems to think she's the only one who can call for 8ackup.
As if I don't have god tier pals w8ting in the wings too!
ARADIA: huh? what is happening here... wait
is this a party? oh goodness i think it is OuO
this is like a fun costume party for ghosts isnt it! whats the occasion?
VRISKA: Nothing, Megido. Just a run of the mill afterlife smackdown. You're on my team.
ARADIA: oh but im not doing any fighting
ARANEA: Neither am I!
VRISKA: God dammit, Aradia.
MEENAH: scrod clammit aranea
MEENAH: aight we need some non pacifisht chumps on the scene pronto
E-Y ANYON-E IN TH-E G)(OST VICINITY G-ET Y-ER TAIL OV-ER )(-ER-E S)(IT IS GOING DOWN
VRISKA: YEAH!!!!!!!!

LATULA: wooooo, 4w y34h grlz, h34rd you w3r3 st4rt1ng 4 p4rty ov3r h3r3??? >XD
MEENAH: no its not a party its...
KANKRI: Hm. I see s9me9ne has ch9sen t9 dress as a pirate f9r this party, in spite 9f the negative ass9ciati9ns that the 9ld marauding classes have with vi9lent a6use, 9ppressi9n, n9t even t9 menti9n
MEENAH: ARRRRRGH DUD-E GTFO
LATULA: yo porr1m! n1c3 costum3! w4y to ch4ng3 1nto som3th1ng on such short not1c3. H1 F1V3!!!!

PORRIM: What? No+, this isn't a co+stume. It's just what I was wearing. I came o+ver here to+ see what all the co+mmo+tio+n was abo+ut.
LATULA: d4mn grl you just look1ng f1n3 for th3 h3ll of 1t th3n! GRL POWER!!!
PORRIM: Uh... sure. So+ this is a party? So+unds like fun!
MEENAH: noooooo its not a party gfd 38(

ARADIABOT:1: lets annihilate them
ARADIABOT:2: yes lets. i am in the m00d t0 ruin s0meb0dy
VRISKA: Right on! I knew I could count on you crazy metal 8roads for some mayhem.
SOLLUX: hey aradia, uh... y0ur rob0 clones l0ok like they're ab0ut to flip the fuck 0ut. they're making me nervous, eheheh. can you try talking s0me sense into them?
ARADIA: sorry sollux my robotic duplicates have always been free agents totally exempt from my influence and better judgment
equius do you think you can calm them down?

EQUIUS: D --> They are persnickety devices
D --> Often sweat seeps into their circuitry and causes them to behave more erratically
D --> Which unfortunately only causes me to sweat even more profusely, I am afraid
ARADIA: equius weve never talked about it but im not sure how comfortable i am with you um... courting such a great plurality of my mechanical doubles
EQUIUS: D --> On a scale of 1 to 100, how depraved would you say you find my behavior?
D --> (please be 100, please be 100...)
ARADIA: i never should have kissed you that time   it was such a mistake :(
EQUIUS: D --> (I NEED A TOWEL)
D --> (A NEW ONE I MEAN)

MITUNA: HA7H 4NYW0NG 533N MY H4ML37
KURLOZ: :o)
MITUNA: OOOH H3YWH04 N1C3 C0THUM3 8UDDY
KURLOZ: :o)
CRONUS: (be quiet. by saying anything, youre really making a horrible impression on people we should be trying to impress here.)
MITUNA: 1M 50RRY
CRONUS: (ill forgivwe you, but this is the last time i evwer do. im at my vwits end with you.)
MITUNA: 1M 50RRY PL3453 PL3453 FORG1V3 M3 4G41N
FEFERI: GLUB! (whoops, i mean glub. oh gosh, it's my ancestor!)
(i'm so nervous, i can't let her notice me. she's so unbubblievably cool! *swoonami*)
MEENAH: aw snap its my ancestor. wish i didnt notice her)
(must... supress... urge... to murder her for royal supremacy omg)

MEULIN: (^・ω・^) < 333333333!!!!!!!!!
NEPETA: :33 < 333333333!!!!!!!!!
MEULIN: (^・o・^)ノ < 333333333!!!!!!!!!
NEPETA: :33 < 333333333!!!!!!!!!
MEULIN: (=^ω^=) < 333333333!!!!!!!!!
ERIDAN: wwhoa man could you maybe stop bumpin me wwith your codpiece
CRONUS: sorry chief, honest mistake. so are you doing anything later?
ERIDAN: wwait are you actually seriously hittin on me
wwoww dude evven i think youre trash
CRONUS: im a cool enough cat if you get to know me. you didnt ansvwer the question.
ERIDAN: sigh fine lets go out on a date i guess. flippin amazin this tragic scenarios wwhat i been reduced to
MEENAH: H-EY! everyone stay on the right goddamn sides. cronus im lookin at you
VRISKA: Yeah! Nepeta, 8ack in line. You people need to start taking this 8rawl more seriously.

RUFIOH: yo my gangstas! d1d 1 hear you were go1ng off to f1ght a ghost k1ll1ng demon...
m1nd 1f 1 tag along... 1've been hop1ng for a chance to put an end to my cruel joke of an ex1stence... haha... bangarang.
VRISKA: Hell yes! On this team I have a MAJOR need for expenda8le people.
MEULIN: (^・o・^) < HORSEBODY!RUFIOH, DON'T BE SUCH A DOWNER! DIDN'T YOU GET THE MEWOMO? THIS IS NOT A CATFIGHT, IT'S A COSTUME PURRTY!!!
MEENAH: no no it really is a catfight. or i mean a regular fight... urrgh
KANKRI: Meulin, it w9uld 6e great if y9u didn't use this party as a platf9rm t9 engage in suicide shaming. I think Rufi9h is triggered en9ugh as it is having t9 live with the hein9us 69dy of a metal h9rse.
DAMARA: これは何ですか？ハロウィーンの乱交？
VRISKA: Are you fuckers deaf???????? This 8n't a party!
MEULIN: (^・_・^) < ...

PORRIM: Ho+russ, yo+ur o+utfit lo+o+ks nice, but so+rry to+ say it was a false alarm. It's no+t a co+stume party.
HORUSS: 8=D < This isn't a costume. I am literally a majestc stallion, and my appearance refle% this noble reality.
PORRIM: Ah. Go+tcha. Hey guys, can I be o+n the o+ther team?
KANAYA: Yes!
MEENAH: no!!!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: THIS GATHERING HAS COMPLETELY BLOWN AWAY MY ABILITY TO TOLERATE STUPIDITY AND AWFULNESS. GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.
GOD DAMN IT. THE CROWD IS TOO THICK, I CAN'T EVEN GET AWAY FROM THIS SHIT. EVERYBODY FUCKING MOVE!!!
TAVROS: eXCUSE ME, oTHER PEOPLE,
wHO ARE ME, AND OTHERWISE,
GAMZEE: honk
TAVROS: hAVE YOU SEEN, a BEAUTIFUL TREASURE ON THE FLOOR,
tHAT IS MORE SPECIFICALLY A RING,
TEREZI: K4RK4T, SHUT UP TH1S 1S GR34T!
W3 N33D TO G3T MOR3 P3OPL3 J4MM3D 1NTO TH1S SW33T F1GHTP4RTY M4SQU3R4DE! >:]

PORRIM: I saw the cro+wd fro+m way o+ver there. Acco+rding to+ peo+ple o+n the cusp, this is so+me so+rt o+f co+stume party?  LATULA: tru f4ctz grl!!! just j4m yours3lf 1n th3 p1l3, l1k3z th1s!!! MEENAH: aw fuck are people way over there still callin this a party  ARADIABOT: destr0y  MITUNA: S0M30N3 15 70U5H1NG M3. 7H17H N33D5 70 570P  DAMARA: 誰かが私に触れている。続けてください。 KANRKI: S9ME9NE IS TRIGGERING ME. THIS NEEDS T9 63 TAGGED.  PORRIM: Sho+o+sh!  MITUNA: 1M 50RRY  KARKAT: OH GOD, I CAN HEAR HIM WHINING FROM ALL THE WAY OVER THERE.  KANAYA: Someone Over There Is Probably making The Same Observation About You  KARKAT: YEAH, AND YOUR ANCESTOR IS PROBABLY CHIDING HIM MATERNALLY OVER THERE, JUST LIKE YOU ARE WITH ME. EVER THINK ABOUT THAT??  KANAYA: Im Sorry  ARADIABOT: kill  TAVROS:  (wherE, OH, wHERe,)  SOLLUX: eheheheh, thii2 party ii2 a fuckiing JOKE.  ERIDAN: no its a shitty battle royale pass it on you dirtscrapin sack of honey dijon rubbish  SOLLUX: niice dress fiin face, olol.  TAVROS: (iS, my PReCIouS,)  VRISKA: Tavros, stop crawling around under everyone's feet! You're 8eing so weird.  TEREZI: Y34H, W3 C4N 4LL H34R YOU WH1SP3R1NG TO YOURS3LF. PR3TTY W31RD BRO. >:\  TAVROS: (none of Them, can uNderstAnd,)  ARADIABOT: destr0y

RUFIOH: haha, yo 1 th1nk 1 can hear my young ancestor wh1sper1ng all the way from over here... about something prec1ous... sh*t 1s crazy!  TAVROS: (tHe beAUTY, of my PrEcious,)  HORUSS: 8=D < It reminds me of when I was similarly sm*tten, and searched everywhere for the perfect snout ring for you, to FORTIFY out commitment. Do you remember, Rufioh?  RUFIOH: whoa, yeah! heh, those were the days... (hey doll, m1nd if we talk for a b1t? 1 ma1nly want to look d1stracted... so the guy w1th the ponyta1l leaves me alone... you d1g?)  ARADIABOT: death t0 all  RUFIOH: ahaha... d*mn. so much l1ke the real th1ng 1t's... freaky }:o  ARADIABOT: like what real thing  RUFIOH: uh... you know, l1ke...  ARADIABOT: if y0u say like alive aradia i will make y0u BEG f0r a h0rse b0dy  RUFIOH:  no, l1ke someone else!!! d*mn... uncanny...  ARADIABOT: 0h 0k  RUFIOH: hey, you're pretty cool babe... want to... like... if you aren't doing anything...  EQUIUS:  D --> E%cuse me, what is going on over here  RUFIOH: (man... not another zahhak! haha, this is f***in' crazy...)  ARADIABOT: this guy with the m0hawk was flirting with me and i was being fully receptive t0 his advances  RUFIOH: whoa you were?  EQUIUS: D --> I see. Aradiabot #100502, why must you devastate my pump biscuit so?  NEPETA: :33 < *the pouncellor astutely pawbserves the exchange and updates her shipping grid with startling developments of the heart!*  EQUIUS: D --> Nepeta, stop  NEPETA: :33 < no!  EQUIUS: D --> Yes  NEPETA: :33 < no  EQUIUS: D --> Yes  NEPETA: :33 < no  GAMZEE: HONK.  TEREZI: MOR3!!! MOR3 1 SAY! 4444H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!!!!!

TAVROS: (I FOUND IT!!!) (THE RING!!!)  MEULIN: ~(=^‥^) < WOW. THAT WHISPER WAS SO LOUD, I THINK EVEN I HEARD IT???  TAVROS: (nO, waIt, this iSn't IT,)  CRONUS: hey there sport, i think thats my ring you havwe there. ivwe been looking all over for it.  TAVROS: oH, oKAY, hERE YOU GO,  CRONUS: thank you friend. thank you so vwery, vwery, vwery much.  TAVROS: wOW, oH WOW,,, tHIS HUG IS LASTING, wAAAAAY TOO LONG,  VRISKA: Hey, sketchier Ampora! If you touch him again, I will fucking kill you!  ERIDAN: owwned  KARKAT: I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE AFTERLIFE I HATE THE

MEENAH: serket deuce is this bullcrap as aggravatin to you as it is to me
VRISKA: At least as much. Probably a lot more.
MEENAH: like seariously its so crowded now our faces are literally touching
dat cant be right
VRISKA: I know. It's getting pretty awkward.
MEENAH: lets back these asshats up and get on with our fight
VRISKA: Agreed.

ARANEA: Listen to me, 8oth of you! This duel is incredi8ly pointless! Surely there is a way for you 8oth to pursue your o8jectives without conflict.
In any case, I don't have time to moderate your ridiculous fight! I have a cheru8 to find!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: I couldn't agree more! Making him think we're all looking for the cheru8 is a very important part of the plan! I guess gr8 minds think alike.
ARANEA: No, 8ut I REALLY AM looking for her!
VRISKA: All the 8etter then! That'll really help sell the ruse.
ARANEA: It's not a ruse!!!!!!!!
MEENAH: classic flavor serket is right tho we are sorta wastin time here
lets hurry this up and make it simple
if i win then all these dorkwads join my army including you
if you win then you get all the spoils and go hunt for treasure
ARANEA: And if luck should conspire to make it a draw? ::::)
MEENAH: i dunno man
then i guess we combine all our plans into one huge clusterfuck plan???
like this whole thing aint one big clusterfuck already
VRISKA: I will agree to those terms. This is going to 8e almost too easy.
MEENAH: serket the sequel shut your cocky mouth and fight me

CALLIE: stop, yoU gUys!