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so if you're really looking at changing
your beliefs and you're coming from a
dark place and not so good places a
couple things that you need and this was
specifically geared towards an
individual on one of our calls he was
talking about stuff like talking about
change and like this is this is
something that people don't really talk
about enough number one thing number one
thing that I would say you need do not
go beyond this if you do not have it but
a community of people you you have to
have a community of people why because
so much happens from that like you could
go in with the mindset of like hey I'm
just going to be a happier person and
there's four or five people 10 people 20
people but all you need is just a few
you like human beings connect on that in
such a big way and we're all going in
different directions of course that can
get confusing of course that can get to
a point where it's like it may not be
helping in different areas but here's
the thing if our primary purpose our
primary goal is to be happier just for
that day good things are going to happen
so much more is going to come out I
would put my money on that group of four
or five people you know that are just
focused on that and in pursuit of that
in all different directions as long as
they could meet and connect and have
each other's backs on one person with
all the best information okay in fact I
would put my money on that more than one
person with the best coach in the world
with the best information okay you need
that community and you know you see this
over and over again the best athletes
they have the best coach but they also
have the best community to you know and
so you see that combination happening
over and over again the second thing
that you need to do and this was a
specific exercise that comes down to
being social and like getting the demons
up and getting that out and in with
me I'm still always trying to get those
demons out man it's it's great it's a
beautiful thing I love it now when I hit
a point in that process like a lot of
the stuff that I'm doing with the
bodywork bioenergetics and you know
moving my body and getting myself you
know to express in different ways like
different points of anger
me now now I welcome it let me tell you
something eight years ago I didn't
welcome it six years ago I
didn't welcome it when my first phase of
all this stuff when I was surrounded by
a community of people was this I wrote
about it a lot I explored myself in
massive ways and I talked about it so
the second exercise that I gave to this
individual on the call was to talk about
it man my social journey in social you
know like excellence or whatever was
also in tandem with a kind of like a
emotional mental spiritual journey and
if you're like me don't let that word
spiritual throw you off I mean it in a
way where it's like something bigger
than yourself to people are bigger than
you so uh and i think one person talking
to another person is a spiritual
connection that is a form of like
worship for me you know but anyway I
didn't do my spirituality into Church
nonetheless so anyway back to this like
when I was getting involved in pick up I
wasn't in the greatest space in my life
like I had a lot of stuff going on I was
a dad I didn't want to be in the
relationship that I had had before I'd
had some relationships with women but
none were happy and I drank a load
and I did a lot of drugs and that was
just what I did man that's how I lived
now that being said like I didn't have a
lot of foundation for myself I had a lot
of insecurities but I was good at
entertaining I was good at showmanship I
was good at some certain levels of
socializing and so pick up I wasn't
really great with women before that I
wasn't necessarily bad but dude pick up
cleaned a lot up for me and I became
really good all of a sudden some social
acceptability a community of people that
looked up to me and people giving me
money so those were a lot of validation
things well guess what I didn't it
didn't make me happy it didn't make me
happy I kept going going going all that
sort of stuff and you guys probably
heard the story but basically what
happened was was I started to work on
myself internally well also learning a
social skill set and this was more
geared toward the specific question
asked
this the exercise that was given to me
was just be honest so here I am a
professional pickup artist I'm very good
at what I do this is in 2008 and a
friend of mine who was in my community
on being a sane human being and being
happy and our primary purpose being you
know like good people you know that not
to not to be like screwed up right so
basically he said you know what man
you're having a lot of trouble with I
forget what it was but he's like why
don't you just be honest to people if
you want to kill yourself tell somebody
if you hate the world tell somebody if
you wake up and you think you're the
worst person the world or whatever blah
blah blah blah blah like talk to
somebody talk to somebody face-to-face
well here's the deal okay so i did it i
actually did it and I did it devoutly
now as I look back on it there were some
times where I stretched it a little bit
but i mean like i went up to be one just
like nah man i'm having a crazy day and
I need to talk to somebody like what's
going on i would say that to be i would
say i would cold approach somebody and
say that to him and my buddy was
basically like dude you're socially good
enough to figure that out and make it
work well guess what for three months it
was like a plateau of i was not
good now this thing that I was good at
and people were paying me for but there
was that three-month learning curve
where I learned how to one be honest
number two then connect with somebody
and like build to get them to understand
that and that was super super important
and then the third thing which took a
little bit longer was to learn to have
some pride in expressing myself and how
important that is when you put those
three things together that's
great matt is something that that
orchestration of three things is missing
from the entire social dynamics industry
that's a bummer so check
this out like let's look at that if
I can be honest with somebody ok and not
have any regard for the connection with
them or the empowerment and pride in
myself then I'm going to be too honest
with people and blow people away i'm
just going to be it's not what we're
meant to
do you know I'm just broadcasting
broadcasting broadcasting in it
it's going to turn people off if I'm
just connecting with people and able to
get something from them and have them
understand me but I'm not honoring
myself and learning to build some pride
and confidence in myself it to express
or sacrificing the honesty part then all
i'm doing is serving someone else ok
that's where like all this codependency
comes in and and all these different
things you know i'm just getting getting
getting getting and having myself
influenced by too many people because
there's connection without the honesty
and without the expression if i can
learn to express and gain that
confidence and importance of expression
and broadcast that out there but i
negate connection and honesty then i
have no empathy then I'm what like what
a lot of people do and pick up and think
is the best thing is to just Express on
the best I'm bladder or letter
that you listen to me use to me and then
life gets good well the thing is is
human beings don't work that way we feed
off of connection we feed off of truly
being ourselves like honesty is
key man expression in life is dependent
upon those things and when we can
combine that so much of us changes and
is allowed to transform and uh dude I'll
tell you you know what was so good for
me was daily interactions of that ok
building relationships relationships off
of that up getting hurt and then
having this cool community to come back
to you to go like oh man I up or
give advice to somebody else or speak
with people that were in the same area
is me the key to a good community and
what makes it work is of course you can
be open with them and connect but number
one there's people where you're at
number two there's people that have more
experience than you number three there's
people that are brand new and that you
have less experience than yourself
you're going to see your change not in
yourself but in the other people that
are new coming in you're also going to
have something to work towards with
other people you know that if walked
before you and if you can find a
community they can do all that without
idolatry without
kien but if you can see your personal
goal is something just for today dude
you have a beautiful beautiful recipe
and that's a hard balance for people to
follow