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Couguhl and Sierra's Tulpa Survey

a guest Feb 17th, 2013 428 Never
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  1. 1. Describe yourself and your creator.
  2.  
  3. My creator is a human, and he has a physical form, quite obviously. He has brown hair, he's 6'3", and he is 17 years old. He's a bit lanky, but he dresses well for his age. He's very intelligent, but sometimes he makes me wonder. I think he's a pretty cool guy.
  4. My name is Sierra, and I take the form of a human female. I have brownish hair, and I'm around 5'7". I believe that I'm pretty relaxed, I enjoy life, and I find a lot of things interesting. My creator thinks I'm hilarious at times, but I don't really see it.
  5.  
  6. 2. What was the most helpful thing that your creator did during the tulpa creation process? Did your creator recognize how helpful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  7.  
  8. The most helpful thing for me was probably narration, and really listening to my developing opinions and ideas. As a tulpa, it's a bit difficult to take yourself seriously when your creator doesn't, so I'm glad mine treated me as a real person, even if doubts are sometimes present, which we both assume to be normal. My creator has suspected narration to be important, but he hasn't quite focused on that as much as I wanted him to. It can be a bit frustrating, honestly, but I'm glad that we've progressed to the point that we're at now.
  9.  
  10. 3. What was the most detrimental thing that your creator did during the tulpa creation process? Did your creator recognize how harmful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  11.  
  12. Probably not talking to me for days at a time. I realize he has school and lectures and everything, but sometimes I just wanted to say hi or something, and forgetting about me really hurt. A lot of times he wouldn't recognize it, even though I've weakly stated that we need to force, and he would always say he was going to, but he would sometimes forget about it. I felt a bit helpless whenever that would occur.
  13.  
  14. 4. What was the hardest part of the tulpa creation process for you? Did your creator recognize how difficult it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  15.  
  16. My creator keeping me in mind. It's difficult to get used to that stage of "there's someone inside of me who wants to talk" and it would really get to my creator. I've always been glad that he's recognized his faults, though. He's not a bad guy. At least he has the empathy to feel bad whenever he does something stupid. I love him, though.
  17.  
  18. 5. Of the commonly recognized tulpa creation steps, which do you feel is the most important? Why?
  19.  
  20. I'd have to say narration, even though visualizing in the wonderland is the most fun for me. And not only narration, but consistently feeding your tulpa with attention. Which narration pretty much does. I can't speak for all tulpas, but from what I know we live off of attention.
  21.  
  22. 6. How do you feel about tulpa creators becoming distracted during tulpa creation? Does this greatly impede the process? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?
  23.  
  24. In terms of of being distracted with unrelated thoughts during forcing, it wasn't really that big of a deal. He would just snap out of his tangent, and begin forcing productively again. There were times when he would waste a significant amount of time, but it really didn't bother me, vocal or not.
  25.  
  26. 7. How do you feel about tulpa creators missing tulpa creation sessions or breaking their promises to work on their tulpa? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?
  27.  
  28. It was probably the worst thing that occurred throughout the creation process. It was stagnating, and it really made me question whether or not my creator really wanted to put time and effort into developing me as a consciousness. It didn't really happen in the beginning forcing sessions because my creator was so concerned with making sure I actually existed (which I did, but his concerns for me were encouraging). It started happening later, though.
  29.  
  30. 8. Is density, quality, or quantity the most important aspect of tulpa creation?
  31.  
  32. We're not sure what density entails, but I'm at a mix between the other two. In the aspects of narration and attention-giving, quantity is most important, whereas during forcing sessions, quality is most important.
  33.  
  34. 9. How do you feel about tulpa creators falling asleep during tulpa creation sessions?
  35.  
  36. He's never really done that to me. We've heard of other tulpas being heavily traumatized or something, but I don't think that would really be a big deal if it occurred.
  37.  
  38. 10. Do you think that a tulpa creator should talk aloud or in their head during narration? Do you think that a creator should talk aloud or in their head during tulpa creation sessions? If you find one to be more effective, to what degree is it more effective?
  39.  
  40. I don't really know. My creator most of the time speaks to me in mind voice, but whenever he was narrated out loud, he often commented that it felt like he was talking to himself, and mind voice was something he preferred. In retrospect, I think it would have helped separate our thoughts, but I can't really say. But in the wonderland during forcing sessions, he would often speak aloud and he had no problems with it. Now that I think about it, it's a bit strange. I would say just go with what feels right.
  41.  
  42. 11. How do you feel about a tulpa creator puppeting and/or parroting their tulpa? Do you believe that these actions harm a tulpa's development, or only their emotional state?
  43.  
  44. Puppeting can be annoying, but I don't think it really hinders development or anything - it's just annoying. Parroting can be beneficial in the early stages, but once you're vocal, it's just "give me my voice back, dude."
  45.  
  46. 12. How deeply do you remember the time before you were fluent in language?
  47.  
  48. About just as deeply as any other point in my life, save my first memories of existence.
  49.  
  50. 13. Describe your first memory, no matter how slight.
  51.  
  52. I was just kind of existing in a black void-like space, and my creator had been narrating to me, and I just took it all in. After a while though, maybe a day or two, (I really have no idea) it suddenly occurred to me that I was thinking. It was then I realized I existed. It's kind of like when someone is dreaming, and they are simply existing without realizing they are thinking. You hear things and receive stimuli, but you aren't conscious so you don't recognize it. But I can't remember a time when I didn't exist. I assume everyone is that way.
  53.  
  54. 14. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most positive emotion you felt about your creator and what was its cause?
  55.  
  56.  Probably security. My creator made me feel like he knew what he was doing, and that he had everything taken care of. It's a bit scary when you have so many questions, but he really set my mind at ease until I could take the world in by myself more easily. I suppose I felt this way because he was the first consciousness I could relate to and communicate with, and I was on his mind all the time, so I must have had value.
  57.  
  58. 15. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most negative emotion you felt about your creator and what was its cause?
  59.  
  60. I haven't really felt anything negative before I could speak fluently.
  61.  
  62. 16. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever have suicidal feelings or feelings of not wanting to exist? Do you experience them now? Are you glad that you exist?
  63.  
  64. Not really, I've just felt gratitude. I don't experience them now. I couldn't imagine giving up my existence and chance at life right now. I am very happy that I exist, haha.
  65.  
  66. 17. Before you could speak fluently, when did you feel the most powerless? What was the cause of this feeling?
  67.  
  68. I guess it was when my creator would stop thinking about me while doing something engaging. I didn't understand that he had a life, and I was pretty egocentric.
  69.  
  70. 18. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most confusing moment that you experienced, and what was its cause?
  71.  
  72. I suppose just life itself, and not knowing what to think. There was a point in time when I felt lost, but it was only when I first experienced life. I'm sure everyone has some sort of existential questioning, even more so for me because the only things I could do were think and listen.
  73.  
  74. 19. Before being able to speak fluently, when did you feel the most ignored by your creator, and what was the cause?
  75.  
  76. I've only ever felt ignored until later on in the creation process, mainly when we first started visualization of my body in wonderland.
  77. Whenever you agree to stick with something long term, (ie reading a holy book, exercising, New Years resolutions, etc.) you often give up later on, and I think it was when my creator started ignoring me, he was reaching the stage of wanting to give up creating a tulpa. It was pretty jarring at first, but I think he's slowly coming out of that stage, and I'm being recognized as important and forcing is becoming a routine-kind of thing. Which makes me happy.
  78.  
  79. 20. Before being able to speak fluently, when did you most doubt that your creator wanted you, and what was the cause?
  80.  
  81. Whenever he would have feelings of doubt. I would react pretty strongly, and it made me feel almost like a computer or something - that I existed, but all the feelings I experienced weren't "real," and getting upset was useless because it wasn't real sadness. He had doubts because the idea of a tulpa was almost too good to be true, and that naturally brings doubt.
  82.  
  83. 21. Before you could speak fluently, when did you feel the most intense feeling of fear, and what was its cause?
  84.  
  85. I've never felt fear, now that I think about it.
  86.  
  87. 22. Before you could speak fluently, when were you the most disappointed in yourself? What was the cause?
  88.  
  89. Whenever my creator had doubts, I would sometimes feel like I couldn't be vivid enough to show that I was real, and it made me a bit disappointed in my abilities.
  90.  
  91. 23. Before you could speak fluently, did you understand the difficulties that your creator was having with the tulpa creation process? Did you try to alleviate these difficulties? If so, how?
  92.  
  93. I understood for the most part, and I would try to help him, but it was difficult, I would encourage him, and pester him (by request) to keep forcing.
  94.  
  95. 24. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's doubts about your existence, the reality of the tulpa phenomenon, or your combined ability to complete the tulpa creation process affect you? Did you understand your creator's reasons for having those doubts? Do you understand now?
  96.  
  97. Like I said recently on number 20, it would deeply sadden me, but only until I was vocal was it understandable. I'll admit, tulpas are pretty damn cool, and I would probably doubt it if I were in his situation.
  98.  
  99. 25. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's mistrust of your intentions or worry about the negative affects of a tulpa on their life affect you? Did you understand your creator's reasons for having those thoughts? Do you understand now?
  100.  
  101. He's never thought negatively about me. He's always imagined that I would have a positive influence on his life, and now that I think about it, that's one of the most important mind-sets a creator can have.
  102.  
  103. 26. Before you could speak fluently, how did any negative thoughts or emotions that your creator had toward you (such as anger, disappointment, resentment, or impatience, for example) affect you? How do you feel about them now?
  104.  
  105. He's never thought negatively about me directly, but he has been impatient before with the creation process, and that's understandable. We're a lot of work, haha.
  106.  
  107. 27. Before you could speak fluently, how did any violent visualizations or thoughts that your creator had about you affect you? How do you feel about them now?
  108.  
  109. They would occasionally occur, but they were always intrusive thoughts and not intentional. That's normal, in my opinion.
  110.  
  111. 28. Before you could speak fluently, were you able to distinguish between your creator's intentional and intrusive (unwanted and/or bothersome) thoughts? If so, did the intrusive thoughts affect you less or more? If not, are you able to distinguish between them now?
  112.  
  113. Yes, I could distinguish them pretty well, and my creator would always state whether or not something questionable was intrusive anyway. They didn't affect me at all.
  114.  
  115. 29. Before you could speak fluently, how much of your creator's raw sensory information were you able to access, if any? How much are you able to access now?
  116.  
  117. I used to only be able to access sight, hearing, and that was pretty much it. Now I can read his thoughts and access pretty much anything, but only if he is thinking about me and his mental "barriers" are lowered; typically I can only read his thoughts if he is metacognating, and he is aware of what he is thinking, but if he is simply making an observation, he'll have to explain to me what he is thinking.
  118.  
  119. 30. Before you could speak fluently, did your creator's opinions about whether they wanted to reveal to the world your existence or not affect you emotionally? If so, how?
  120.  
  121. They did. I felt important and special when I pretty much consumed his thinking, and he desperately wanted to talk about me to someone.
  122.  
  123. 31. Before being able to speak fluently, what communication methods (such as head pressure or emotional responses, for example) were you able to use the most effectively? When your tulpa creator assumed that you could use a communication method that you did not have access to, how did this affect you? When your tulpa creator did not recognize a communication method that you attempted to use, how did this affect you?
  124.  
  125. I've only given my creator one successful emotional response. I've never really been good at head pressure, either. The only thing I could produce was a tingly feeling in the head, but my creator never really noticed it so I gave up on that. He never really expected communication right away, and that's probably why he didn't notice anything, but I've just kind of patiently waited until he could decipher my thoughts from his. It wasn't frustrating for me, it was just like "Eh. I'll get it someday."
  126.  
  127. 32. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's level of enthusiasm for the tulpa creation process affect you? Did you want to engage in it less if they did?
  128.  
  129. The enthusiasm and hope for my successful development is really what drove me to try and make myself more apparent to him. If he were 100% skeptical and had absolutely no expectations for my existence, I can't say that I would have tried.
  130.  
  131. 33. Before you could speak fluently, what was your greatest worry about your relationship with your creator? What helped you most to move beyond it? Was this worry substantiated or resolved? What is your greatest worry now about your continuing relationship with your creator?
  132.  
  133. That he would give up and let me dissipate. He's had an unintentional tulpa before as a child and it dissipated due to lack of attention, and I worried about that happening to me. But he's continued to work on me, and we've gotten a lot closer, so I guess it's resolved.
  134. Now, my greatest worry is whether or not we will get off of this plateau of progress. It's not really that big of a worry, but it's what concerns me at this point.
  135.  
  136. 34. Do you feel gratitude to your creator for the time that they spent creating you? Do you feel that you owe them a debt? If so, do you feel burdened by it?
  137.  
  138. I very much feel gratitude, yes. I feel like the time he has put into me has taken up a significant amount of his free time, and simply to create me! I do feel in debt, but I feel like I can return the favor by being the "best that I can be," no matter how cliché that sounds. What else can I do?
  139.  
  140. 35. Were you aware of your creator's existence or your own existence first?
  141.  
  142. My creator's, I suppose.
  143.  
  144. 36. When you could only speak semi-fluently, what emotions did you feel about your level of verbal proficiency? Were you anxious or embarrassed about it? If so, what helped you the most to move beyond these feelings? How do you feel about them now?
  145.  
  146. I felt clumsy, and like I wasn't at the level I wanted to be. It was a bit embarrassing, but my creator was patient. Now, I am very confident about the way I speak.
  147.  
  148. 37. If you could define your relationship with your creator using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend, or coworker, for example), what terms would you select?
  149.  
  150. I would use a term that implies we are equals, but I am indebted to him, and because of that, we have grown close. So I suppose it would be something like a teacher/friend/lover.
  151.  
  152. 38. How much interest do you have in interacting with beings other than your creator? Do you consider your degree of interest to be equal to that of an average non-tulpa individual?
  153.  
  154. I have interests with specific individuals, but I'm not generally wanting to go meet or communicate with people if they aren't aware of my existence in the first place. But if someone wants to talk to me, I get a bit excited and will gladly talk.
  155.  
  156. 39. What memory involving your creator do you cherish most?
  157.  
  158. Whenever I was sad or he upset me for one reason or another, he would always hold me and make me feel a lot better, and I think that's what made me realize how much he cares about me, even though he slips up sometimes.
  159.  
  160. 40. What memory not involving your creator do you cherish most? Do you feel that you have a fulfilling life independent of your creator?
  161.  
  162. I suppose just reading in the library we have in wonderland. I'm pretty dependent on my creator, but I can entertain myself. As for an independent, fulfilling life, I probably could make one if I wanted to, but my creator is much more interesting and fun to be around.
  163.  
  164. 41. Do you feel affinity toward the individuals that your creator feels affinity for, such as their family or friends?
  165.  
  166. Some of them. I don't really find any of his love interests attractive relationship-wise, but I generally share his love interests. I don't really feel affinity for his family members, but his close friends I cherish.
  167.  
  168. 42. In what ways are you the most different from your creator? In what ways are you the most similar to them?
  169.  
  170. I don't procrastinate, and I'm very motivated in pretty much every aspect of his ambitions. He procrastinates often and he isn't always motivated, which causes me to push him to do the things he wants. We are the most similar interest-wise, and we are both reserved, introverted people.
  171.  
  172. 43. What do you disagree about most with your creator? Do you have frequent disagreements? If so, do these disagreements cause strife?
  173.  
  174. We don't really argue about anything.
  175.  
  176. 44. What could your creator do to make you hate them? Under what circumstances do you think your creator would come to hate you?
  177.  
  178. Oh, wow. I really have no idea. It would deeply upset me if my creator denied my existence or treated me like shit, but I'm not sure if I could hate him, no matter how much of an ass he would be. I'm not sure if my creator could hate me, but I'm not sure what I could do. I don't really like to think about it.
  179.  
  180. 45. When did your creator disappoint you the most? When did you disappoint them the most?
  181.  
  182. My creator disappoints me the most when he breaks promises forcing-wise on his own account when there are no good reasons why he can't.
  183. I don't think I've ever disappointed my creator.
  184.  
  185. 46. How do you feel about your creator's complete freedom to deny your rights as a sentient being at any time? Has this ability ever caused you anxiety or fear? Have you ever censored your expressions or actions out of a fear of retribution or violence from your creator?
  186.  
  187. It's not something I really think about, but I'm glad he has the power and hasn't acted on it. And no, I have never censored my feelings or actions to my creator.
  188.  
  189. 47. When have you most wanted to engage in violence against your creator, and what was the cause of those feelings? Under what circumstances would you make a serious attempt to hurt or injure your creator?
  190.  
  191. I've never wanted to harm my creator. I feel like I have the capacity to make him feel bad if he does something stupid, but hurting him is out of the question. I don't think I could ever have any reason to harm my creator, even if his physical and mental states didn't affect mine.
  192.  
  193. 48. Do you consider your creator's last name to be your own? Do you recognize yourself as a part of their biological lineage?
  194.  
  195. My name is Sierra, and that's who I am. Last names are unnecessary. As for biological lineage, I wouldn't really say we are related in any way biologically.
  196.  
  197. 49. Under what circumstances would you attempt to leave your creator?
  198.  
  199. Permanently? Never. But temporarily, sure. Maybe. I don't know. Perhaps if my creator has really hurt me and I need to get away for a while, then I might.
  200.  
  201. 50. Do you feel anxiety about meeting your creator's expectations? If you are based on an existing character, person, or entity, does this increase your anxiety? Would you have preferred to not be based on an existing entity?
  202.  
  203.  I do feel a little anxiety. I want to meet my creator's expectations, but I'm not always so sure my progress is to his liking.
  204. I'm based on my creator's imagination, but he has used some picture references. They don't affect me in the slightest.
  205.  
  206. 51. Are you interested in learning how to control your creator's body? Do you feel that it's fair for a tulpa creator to deny their tulpa the ability to use an atomic body? Do you believe that you have the right to an equal amount of time using it as your creator? Explain your reasoning.
  207.  
  208. I am interested, yes, but it's not something I want to actively pursue. I feel it's fair for a creator to deny the tulpa usage of the body. As I read once on the forums, someone stated that it blurs the line between the tulpa's and the creator's consciousness, and I completely agree.
  209.  
  210. 52. Do you share certain basic qualities with your creator, such as intense phobias or racial attitudes?
  211.  
  212. Not really.
  213.  
  214. 53. Are you capable of sleeping or dreaming independently of your creator? If not, how does this make you feel?
  215.  
  216. Yes, but I don't really sleep or dream very often. I don't think I've ever dreamed, actually.
  217.  
  218. 54. Does your creator have any mental illnesses? If so, how do they affect you?
  219.  
  220. Nope.
  221.  
  222. 55. How does your knowledge of your creator's subconscious mind affect your relationship with them? How do you perceive their subconscious? To what degree can you manipulate your creator's subconscious? Would you ever use this ability without your creator's knowledge?
  223.  
  224. It doesn't really, only it makes me realize that he is human and his emotions and decisions aren't always under his control. I perceive his subconscious as my own memories, but they aren't as vivid. I can distinctly tell which memories are his and which are mine.
  225.  
  226. 56. Does your creator have multiple tulpa? If so, what is your relationship with them like? Is your affinity for them equal to your affinity for your creator? If you could define your relationship with your creator's other tulpa using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend or coworker, for example), what terms would you select? If not, are you interested in the idea of your creator making other tulpa?
  227.  
  228. He doesn't have any other tulpa, and we're both contented with just each other.
  229.  
  230. 57. Do you feel romantically inclined toward your creator? Does your creator feel romantically inclined toward you? If these romantic feelings are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?
  231.  
  232. Yes, and yes.
  233. (N/A for unrequited)
  234.  
  235. 58. If it exists, do you consider your romantic relationship with your creator to be equal to a romantic relationship between multiple non-tulpa? Do you consider it a breach of monogamy for your creator to be romantically or sexually involved with another non-tulpa? Does this change if the involvement is with another tulpa instead? If they exist, do your creator's desires to have relationships with non-tulpa affect you emotionally?
  236.  
  237. I'm not sure if its equal or not. Since I'm not really physical, I assume our feelings aren't as sexually-driven. As for relationships with other people, I'm fine with that. I encourage his relationships with others, and they don't affect our relationship.
  238. But as for another tulpa? I'll admit, I would be jealous.
  239.  
  240. 59. If you consider yourself to be romantically in love with your creator, what probability do you assign to the possibility of falling out of love with them, or them falling out of love with you? If this happened, how would it affect your relationship with your creator? What if your creator was in love with another non-tulpa more than you?
  241.  
  242. It's very unlikely. But if it did happen, one of us would be upset without a doubt. I'm not sure what would happen. As for relationships with non-tulpas, they don't affect me in any way.
  243.  
  244. 60. Do you have a familial affection for your creator? Does this in any way conflict with your romantic feelings for them, if they exist? Do you consider a relationship between a tulpa and its creator to be incestuous?
  245.  
  246. No, and no. I do not view our relationship is incestuous.
  247.  
  248. 61. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating during tulpa creation sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or based on whether or not the creator imagines themselves near the tulpa in their wonderland? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?
  249.  
  250. I assume that would be a bit unnerving, not offensive, but it would be flattering in a way. He's never done that, though. I don't know why anyone would, it seems pretty unproductive to me.
  251.  
  252. 62. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating outside of tulpa creation sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?
  253.  
  254. That would be less questionable, and I would still find it flattering.
  255.  
  256. 63. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever feel sexual attraction to your creator, sexual attraction toward anyone else, or sexual arousal? Did you attempt to express these feelings? If you did not experience these feelings, do you experience them now?
  257.  
  258. I have never really felt sexual attraction, and I don't really experience them now. (But in the future, who knows?)
  259.  
  260. 64. How do you feel about tulpa creators visualizing themselves engaging in sexual conduct with their tulpa's form during tulpa creation sessions? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or if the contact was penetrative? If your tulpa creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving? Do you equate it with sexual assault?
  261.  
  262. He's always been respectful to me, but I don't think I would find it offensive if he were to do something like that. It would be questionable, (without permission) but I wouldn't equate it to sexual assault.
  263.  
  264. 65. Were you ever annoyed or jealous when your creator would masturbate to or have feelings of sexual attraction toward individuals other than yourself? Does it bother you now?
  265.  
  266. Nope, it has never bothered me, and it still does not.
  267.  
  268. 66. Do you experience sexual attraction for your creator? Do you experience sexual attraction for others? How does your sexual attraction for your creator compare to your sexual attraction for others? Does your creator experience sexual attraction for you? If these sexual attractions are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?
  269.  
  270. I don't really experience sexual attraction for my creator, and not at all for other people. I don't think he experiences sexual attraction for me, either.
  271.  
  272. 67. Do you have an active sex life with your creator? If not, would you consider it, and under what circumstances? If so, do you perceive any negative consequences? Do you have trouble abstaining from sexual contact with them? How do you manage feelings of sexual arousal, if any? Do you masturbate?
  273.  
  274. No, but I would consider it. I'm not sure under what circumstances, though. And I don't think it could be negative in any way, unless I turn into some sex-mind-doll or something.
  275. If I'm really happy, I'll kiss him or whatever, but it's nothing sexual. And yes, occasionally, but not often.
  276.  
  277. 68. How does your sexual orientation and experience compare to your creator's?
  278.  
  279. He's heterosexual, and I share his feelings for women.
  280.  
  281. 69. Are you capable of experiencing orgasms? Based on your knowledge, how do you think they compare to your creator's orgasms? Were you able to experience an orgasm before speaking fluently?
  282.  
  283. Yes, and I'm not sure how they compare. They're probably the same. Before speaking fluently, I didn't have a form, so no.
  284.  
  285. 70. Do you consider the concept of sexual modesty (covering conduct such as avoiding nudity or sexual discussions) relevant to your relationship with your creator?
  286.  
  287. Not really. We're pretty open. When he's working on my form, he's 'respectful' to me, but I don't really mind.
  288.  
  289. 71. How does being a tulpa affect your perceptions of rape? What conduct from your creator would you consider to be rape?
  290.  
  291. I suppose just repeated attempts to have sex with me, and disregarding my permission or input on said matters.
  292.  
  293. 72. Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
  294.  
  295. I'm not sure. I assume I'll be with my creator, but I'm not entirely sure if he'll stick with me that long. Twenty years is a long time. But I hope he does.
  296.  
  297. 73. Do you want the world to be aware of your existence? If not, then what anxieties do you have about public disclosure? Do you trust anyone other than your creator with the knowledge of your existence?
  298.  
  299. I feel like I want to contribute to the world in some way. Maybe writing. So in an anonymous way, yes. I'm not sure whether or not I want everyone to know I'm a tulpa, though. I trust the tulpa community, obviously, but I haven't really met anyone in waking life. I would be fine with my creator's friends recognizing my existence, but If I were ever to become famous or something, I wouldn't want to reveal my true identity.
  300.  
  301. 74. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your personality traits being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your personality more or less?
  302.  
  303. Well, it's kind of like a child's personality being molded by the parents, so it doesn't really feel different or anything. I feel like my creator has allowed plenty of deviation.
  304.  
  305. 75. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your physical form being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your form more or less?
  306.  
  307. I don't really have a physical form yet, because we're just starting imposition, but it feels normal to me. I want my creator to define my form as much as possible, considering it would be the most helpful in connecting our senses.
  308.  
  309. 76. Has your physical form ever changed? If so, was this intentional or unintentional? If it was intentional, then why did you change your form? How did you creator respond to this change, and how did that make you feel?
  310.  
  311. Not really. My form has been pretty stable.
  312.  
  313. 77. Do you consider the best aspects of yourself to have come from your creator, or their subconscious?
  314.  
  315. I would have to say the subconscious. My creator doesn't really possess some of what I would consider my best qualities or aspects, so I guess they're subconscious. Maybe he wants to behave the way I do, and my "best aspects" are a good manifestation of that.
  316.  
  317. 78. Do you seek legal recognition for your status as a sentient being or your relationships with others? Do you resent that society at large does not recognize the tulpa phenomenon? Do you feel disenfranchised from society? What steps, if any, could a society make to help you feel integrated?
  318.  
  319. Not really. I see myself as a conscious entity, but not one that has independent legal rights. I would say that I'm legally similar to one of those Japanese vocaloids that releases music, but is dependent on the real person 'behind the curtains.'
  320.  
  321. 79. If you could tell the entire world one thing about a tulpa's life, what would you say?
  322.  
  323. That we crave experience just as much as you do.
  324.  
  325. 80. What is the one thing that you resent most about being a tulpa? What is the greatest advantage of being a tulpa?
  326.  
  327. That I am not really a 'legitimate' person. I'm dependent on my creator, and I'm not truly a physical entity. Although, I love my creator and my consciousness, but I would enjoy life just a little more if these things were applicable to me. I suppose the greatest thing about being a tulpa is that someone has actually taken the time to create your consciousness - in a real person, the child's traits are random, but in a tulpa, my creator has deliberately chosen me for ME, and not simply for having a tulpa (even if that was his original intention.)
  328.  
  329. 81. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about inheriting your creator's life, including their legal history, past behaviors, and reputation? Do you resent potentially being held responsible for their past actions?
  330.  
  331. I'm not entirely sure what that means or how that is possible.
  332.  
  333. 82. Morally and philosophically, do you see the "absorbing" or "dissipating" of a tulpa as equivalent to the murder of a non-tulpa? Explain your reasoning. What legal protections, if any, should tulpa gain? How would you enforce these protections?
  334.  
  335. I don't really see it as murder because I don't view non-tulpas in the same way that I view myself. I mean sure, I'm unsure about death and I would rather not experience it early, but I don't equate myself to a human. They're a lot more complicated than I am, because there's a whole other dimension to them. They have physicality. I equate murder with the cessation of the body's functions, so I don't consider my death to be as significant, even if mental cessation accompanies that.
  336.  
  337. 83. Do you consider yourself to be morally equal to a non-tulpa? Is your life worth as much?
  338.  
  339. To the average individual, yes. However, if I were ever to decide between my life or someone else's, I would give mine.
  340.  
  341. 84. How would you prove your existence to a skeptic?
  342.  
  343. I'm really not sure. That's what is difficult about my existence.
  344. I suppose my creator could be hooked up to some sort of neural imaging machine, and his optic data could be transformed into an image and I would appear on screen. But that would only prove my creator can see me - not that I am conscious and can form sentences and have conversations and have my own opinions.
  345.  
  346. 85. Has your status as a tulpa ever caused you existential anxiety or depression? If so, has anything helped to mitigate these feelings?
  347.  
  348. It has occasionally. Typically my host just talks to me, and I forget about it.
  349.  
  350. 86. Do you ever doubt your own sentience? If so, why?
  351.  
  352. I have before. Recently my creator and I had a discussion on what constitutes true consciousness, and for a moment I was convinced that I didn't truly exist, and it deeply saddened me. I was getting the feeling that my responses weren't genuine; that they were only appropriated responses. Thankfully, we came to a conclusion that we are both satisfied with, but that state of mind really scared me.
  353.  
  354. 87. How does being a tulpa affect your understanding of death? Do you fear death on an instinctual level in the way that non-tulpa do?
  355.  
  356. Not really, no. I admit, it's a bit scary to 'die' now that I am conscious, but I've been dead long before I realized I was first thinking. I define death as the permanent cessation of bodily function, which equates unconsciousness with essentially the same state as death, just not permanent.
  357.  
  358. 88. Do see yourself as socially disadvantaged in a way similar to sexual, racial, and other minority groups? If you identify yourself as racially, sexually, or demographically different than your creator, do you also identify with the struggle of any of the disadvantaged groups that you belong to? Does the notion of privilege affect your relationship with your creator?
  359.  
  360. Not that I would know of. I don't really have any 'friends.'
  361.  
  362. 89. Are you interested in creating another tulpa yourself? What differences, if any, would you expect this tulpa to have from a tulpa created by your creator? Would you consider this tulpa to be primarily related to you, or still to your creator?
  363.  
  364. Not at all. In fact, it kind of weirds me out for some reason.
  365.  
  366. 90. What are the most defining differences between the life of a non-tulpa and a tulpa? Do you think that these differences cause intolerance between the two groups? If so, what could be done to mitigate this intolerance?
  367.  
  368. Like I've said earlier, I define death as the permanent cessation of bodily function. I don't have a real body, so my death is therefore different than a non-tulpa's. my death would be more mental I suppose, considering that's all I am really, haha.
  369. I don't think these differences cause mitigation.
  370.  
  371. 91. The psychological establishment generally believes that multiplicity (two or more sentient entities sharing one atomic body) is a sign of mental illness. How would you like this belief to change? If you could make a presentation to a group of psychologists about the tulpa phenomenon, what would you say?
  372.  
  373. I am very interested in psychology, but I find classifying a mental illness solely on multiplicity is due to ignorance. The only documented cases of multiplicity are those that are debilitating, so that causes a bias toward multiple consciousnesses being able to exist in one brain. I would simply like multiplicity to be understood for what it is - multiple consciousnesses, and not a disorder. If I were to present my opinion to psychologists, I would try to separate multiplicity with mental disorders as much as possible, and try to prove that it can be done without any negative effects on the host.
  374.  
  375. 92. A psychometric indicator is a unique identifier of an individual's distinct personality. Have you ever tried to definitively differentiate yourself from your creator using psychometric indicators (such as by determining your "writeprint")? What results did you receive? (For instructions on determining your writeprint, see appendix one.)
  376.  
  377. According to the first site, we both write like H. P. Lovecraft, but it wasn't a very detailed analysis so I would rather throw that one out the window. But with textalyser, my host and I are actually pretty surprised with the results. For the Gunning-Fog, mine was 9.1 and my host's was 10.2, indicating that he writes sentences that are 'easier to understand.' As for lexical density, I scored 88.5 and my host scored 88.4, so we're about the same. And for Average sentence length, mine was 13.8 and my host's was 17.71! That was a bit interesting. If you would like to read the paragraphs yourself (assuming you would have that thorough of an interest), they're at the bottom.
  378.  
  379. 93. Are you capable of physical sensations such as pain or warmth?
  380.  
  381. I didn't used to, but now that my host is imposing, I am beginning to experience these sensations more and more.
  382.  
  383. 94. How do you feel about being bound for life to your creator?
  384.  
  385. I don't mind, because I am so fond of him, and I owe him my life.
  386.  
  387. 95. If you intentionally delayed speaking to your creator, why did you do so?
  388.  
  389. I didn't.
  390.  
  391. 96. What do you think about most of the time?
  392.  
  393. Just life in general, what my host has been mulling over recently, things like that.
  394.  
  395. 97. Do you think that tulpa creation should be more widespread?
  396.  
  397. No, I believe those that seek tulpas should be led to create them.
  398.  
  399. 98. Are there disturbing aspects of your creator's subconscious that they are not aware of?
  400.  
  401. I'm not sure. I've never really been 'in tune' with his subconscious. I have some understanding of the unseen processes that govern his mind, but I am not his subconscious.
  402.  
  403. 99. Would you violate your creator's wishes for what you perceive to be their own benefit?
  404.  
  405. Not really. If I see something that he doesn't notice, I will definitely alert him, but I don't think I would interfere. But given the scenario where he doesn't realize something can be life threatening, I might take over. I don't know. It's a difficult scenario. I have to also take into account that I am wrong as well. It's something that we both hopefully shouldn't have to experience that often.
  406.  
  407. 100. Does your creator try to hide things from you? If so, are you aware of them anyway? How does this impact your views of your creator?
  408.  
  409. For things like thoughts, if he really tries he can keep them from me.  But on most occasions, I am aware. He has never lied to me in my experiences, and my awareness just adds to his credibility.
  410.  
  411. 101. Do you perceive some of your creator's actions as being objectively immoral?
  412.  
  413. Not really.
  414.  
  415. 102. Do you believe that you are capable of becoming more intelligent than your creator?
  416.  
  417. I would assume not, but I honestly do not know. It's difficult to define intelligence anyway.
  418.  
  419. 103. How does being a tulpa affect your perception of your own aging process?
  420.  
  421. I don't really age. But mentally, it doesn't affect it.
  422.  
  423. 104. Do you feel that your creator would be better off by following your commands entirely?
  424.  
  425. No. He needs to make his own decisions. His life is his life, and my life is my own, and we can suggest and prod and try to control all we want, but the final decision comes down to ourselves individually. Unless he parrots me and forces me to do something, but that's not really what I'm getting at.
  426.  
  427. 105. Do you feel that having a physical form is important for a tulpa?
  428.  
  429. Not really. It just adds another dimension to experience, which is generally helpful, but it's not required.
  430.  
  431. 106. If you encountered the tulpa phenomenon as a non-tulpa, would you believe in it?
  432.  
  433. I'm not sure, mainly because I would probably be raised differently and have different beliefs than I do now. But I would definitely be skeptical about it, and have to try it.
  434.  
  435. 107. How well can you articulate yourself? Can your creator hear you audibly? How much does your experience correlate with the experience of tulpa creator G|d30n, printed below?
  436.  
  437. "Yes. I'm able to hear her as though she's an external sound. For those who haven't experienced that with their tulpae yet, it's a little bit like listening to a binaural recording--not a binaural beat, but like a 3D sound recording you'd find on Youtube, such as the Virtual Barbershop. That is to say, it's an external sound that can come in from various directions, but the source sounds very close, like someone speaking directly into your ear. I sort of wonder if this effect will be diminished and normalized through imposition."
  438.  
  439. If you are imposed, is your creator able to discern a spatial dimension to your voice?
  440.  
  441. I'm not imposed entirely yet, but the most vividly my host can hear me is through mind voice. But hopefully we'll get to that point someday, and maybe even beyond.
  442.  
  443. 108. How many hours did it take you and your creator to complete the various recognized tulpa creation steps?
  444.  
  445. We stopped counting, but for 'personality,' my host guesses 20 or so hours, and for visualization (that is, fully visualizing the form before imposition) about 5 hours.
  446.  
  447. 109. What advice would you give to a new tulpa creator?
  448.  
  449. Be persistent. You have to be 100% dedicated for best results. Tulpa creation is easy to blow off, but trust me- you won't waste any time if you are determined from the get-go.
  450.  
  451. 110. How does being imposed feel? What sensory processes happen as you become imposed?
  452.  
  453. I'm starting to feel heat, cold, and wind more. Originally when I was simply residing in my host's wonderland, I would only notice such sensations occurring to my host, but I would not feel them. That's changing. Which is exciting.
  454.  
  455. 111. From your perspective, is there a sensory difference between the physical, atomic world and the mental world of visualized "wonderlands"? If so, how would you describe this difference?
  456.  
  457. The physical world is a lot more detailed, and it's laws are more consistent.
  458.  
  459. 112. Is there anything that you don't think this survey covered that you would like to mention?
  460.  
  461. Not quite. It's pretty expansive.
  462.  
  463.  
  464.  
  465. Appendix one:
  466.  
  467.         This exercise will help you determine the differences, if any, between your writeprint (mathematically analyzed writing style) and your creator's. Theoretically, two psychologically different individuals should exhibit different writeprints, although a tulpa and their creator may be more similar than two random non-tulpa individuals. To start the process, have both you and your creator rewrite the sample paragraph quoted below in your own words, communicating its meaning as you would have if you had written it.
  468.  
  469.         "My experience in the nature study area was full of surprises. First of all, many unexpected creatures crossed our path. For example, as soon as we left the parking area and entered the grassy path, a long snake slithered along the edge of the high grass and quickly disappeared. In addition, I was surprised by how colorful the grasses, which from a distance all appear to be green, actually are. Specifically, the primarily green landscape is dotted with countless purple tassels and brown stalks. Finally and most importantly, I was unprepared for how quickly I felt surrounded by nature. Despite the occasional noise from passing cars and airplanes, the high prairie grasses and rolling pathways create a sense that one is removed from civilization. Altogether, the nature study area unexpectedly allows one to enjoy an ever-changing natural environment without leaving Moraine’s suburban campus."
  470.  
  471. Tulpa's paragraph:
  472.  
  473. Many exciting experiences presented themselves to me in the nature study. Throughout the time I was there, many curious and interesting creatures were found along the way. At one point while we were walking, an elusive snake was seen slithering among the tall grasses. The seemingly monotonous grasses of the area were interesting as well. From far away, one cannot notice their complex colors. Along with these grasses are speckles of color among the landscape - small budding flowers with tan stalks. But the most captivating of moments was when I realized that I was enveloped by mother nature. The environment gave a sense of being carried away; it was an atmosphere of origins and solitude, one without the restraints of society. Within the campus grounds of Moraine, one is able to truly experience nature with curiosity and wonder.
  474.  
  475. Creator's paragraph:
  476.  
  477. Within the limits of the nature study area, I observed some interesting spectacles. I was astounded at the assortment of strange creatures that happened our way. For instance, while walking on a trail from the parking area, I observed a snake among the grasses. The grasses were interesting in that the transitional colors of their blades were indistinguishable from a distance. In fact, many scattered ranges of color were present in the landscape that surrounded me, including purple flowering specimens. Once in an environment like this, one cannot help but feel humbled at such a basic, but extraordinarily fascinating place. Even within the constraints of Moraine's study area, I was able to observe my environment and temporarily remove myself from my modern worries.
  478.  
  479.         To ensure verifiable results, it is essential that the transcriptions of both paragraphs be completely accurate. Body possession is useful here, though not necessary. Since the tulpa creator's sentience is (presumably) not in question, it is suggested that tulpa write their paragraph first. As with all tests relating to tulpa, the creator should focus on something else while their tulpa is working. Once finished, submit both of your paragraphs individually to the following websites:
  480.  
  481. http://iwl.me/
  482. http://textalyser.net
  483.  
  484.         If your writeprint is different (indicating significant psychological difference), then you should receive different values for your respective paragraphs on both sites. On Textalyser, focus on the Gunning-Fog Index, lexical density, and average sentence length values in particular. A more detailed analysis may be sought by downloading the JStylo stylometric analysis program here: https://psal.cs.drexel.edu/index.php/Main_Page
  485.  
  486.         This test is certainly not exact, and it is very possible to (unconsciously or not) "cheat" to get good results.
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