thepaperstars (6/23/17 12:30:57 PM):
Hey. I figured I was running out of time to talk to you considering you’re quitting chatango. I got told by a friend about this so I figured I’d check for myself.
You’ve blocked me everywhere else so I have no way to talk to you.
I just wanted to say Thank You. You’re probably wondering “why are you thanking me when I still want to ruin your life for being a total cunt” and I can understand fully why you’d think that.
What I did was very wrong and there is no way on this Earth to redeem myself to show you that I am sorry. I know you think I won’t change and that you want me to rot in hell because you believe that in the end I’m going to be who I used to be last year. I just wanted to say that you were wrong about that.
I am thanking you because thanks to you showing me the light in this that I have indeed found myself a way to change. I am seeking professional help and therapy to help me as well as am I working on things myself.
I was abusive and I was going down the wrong path because I thought that I was a worthless piece of shit anyway because of what my mother had done to me. I was repeating her habits as a cope because I thought I wasn’t doing what she was and I thought I was my own person doing things right rather than being what I hate the most; But little did I know I was just repeating the same mistakes she was making by taking my anguish out on an innocent bystander by using them for what I wanted and lying to them the entire time. The people who know what happened between us and are friends with me I have told the truth that I was indeed abusive towards you and that all I did was basically suck you up for my own good. That I’ve hurt you severely, I’ve caused you much pain, I’ve broke your heart, and that I was a very very bad person.
I don’t know if you’ve already moved on(doubt it considering what an ass I was) but I just wanted to say thank you for showing me my mistakes.
thepaperstars (6/23/17 12:31:08 PM):
I’m not going on too much of a bigger thing here but I’ve realized all the shit that I’ve done wrong and I am indeed working on it. Nothing can ever fix what I’ve done and I realize that. All I can really do is suffer in the fact that I’ve completely ruined someone who only wanted to help me. I guess I know how it feels to be my mother now. I didn’t harm myself like I wanted to the many times I had a breakdown over this. I promised myself that if things ever did eventually heal and we became friends again that I’d prove to you that I was able to change although part of me thinks it won’t happen.
But I’m trying to stay positive.
I know this is the last thing you want to hear but I do love you. After everything that has happened and all the change I’ve committed to and am still going through with I’ve been able to sort myself out and realize the things that I should’ve realized before. When I am old enough I am going to try to get a job and make money for myself. I’m no longer going to let people use me for sex nor am I going to offer it to them. No longer will I degrade myself and let myself believe that what I was doing before was right. I’m not going to let myself be the scum I used to be. There’s a lot more but I can’t continue because of the pain I am in writing this remembering how horrible I was.
If you ever want to talk again be it with no intention to hurt either you or me. If you come to speak to you I will only be calm and happy with every word I have. Every word will be positive and I will listen to anything you have to say as long as it isn’t negative towards our past and towards anything that has happened. You know where to contact me(FB). If you come with negativity and nothing but harsh words I will block you again. I have not the time to write anymore but I just wanted to say..
thepaperstars (6/23/17 12:31:21 PM):
Thank you.
For being the best person on this Earth and being patient with me until the very end.
Even if you hate me forever and we never get to speak again I will forever be kind to every single person I meet and welcome them with warm arms. I will be patient and listen to them. I will never be selfish. I will never be a whore… and much more.
I will change and become the better person than who I used to be.
I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to keep myself together but within the end of these next few months/maybe the year.. If I can’t see a change in myself.. I don’t guarantee I’ll be alive long enough to become the author I always wanted to. If you read this.. I am very grateful.
Thank you for helping me and showing me the right path.
Thank you for existing.
Just.. Thank you.
I hope you have a good day/night/life.
And thank you for everything.
I am only using this account to relay a message. Don’t message it back because I won’t be logged onto it.