-
do you still want to be my friend

MysticMother - Today at 3:48 AM
where'd this question come from?

HEHR - Today at 3:50 AM
because we dont talk much and this is like the fourth time you pointed it out and i can tell that slowly youre getting more
pissed
loosing your temper at me easier i guess, but also not really
cause you dont really loose your temper just
have to take more breaks from talking to me
and last time i pissed someone off like this they sent me a message the next day saying "i dont think i want to be friends anymore" and never spoke to me again

MysticMother - Today at 3:53 AM
I'm taking a "break" from almost everyone right now
i was already pissed cause of the argument but now something else popped up and i feel like udder shit and i just want to fucking scream but i can't cause it'll make my gf upset so i'm just listening to evanesence on youtube and other songs to try and take my mind off of it
but no, i find a message from the fucking cunt who blocked me, told ashley why but told her not to tell me, and now i'm just even more pissed

HEHR - Today at 3:53 AM
goddamn

MysticMother - Today at 3:54 AM
Yeah, sent me a message with their new account after one got disabled, called me their friend and talked with me not even a fucking WEEK AGO, but now they've got me blocked on their new account cause i "give them axiety" and other negative reasons i'm not allowed to know
And it's cause they don't want to start issues
BITCH NOT FUCKING TELLING ME LIKE THE ADULT YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE CAUSES THE FUCKING ISSUES

HEHR - Today at 3:55 AM
woah you must be really really pissed bringin out the caps here

MysticMother - Today at 3:56 AM
I am
cause not only did they not tell me, THEY FUCKING TOLD ASHLEY WHY!
then told them not to tell me at all. I swear to god i want to beat the fucking shit out of them for this childish, petty, insolent fucking bullshit
but i can't, cause they're my girlfriends fucking MOIRAIL

HEHR - Today at 3:57 AM
god thats bullshit.

MysticMother - Today at 3:58 AM
And on top of this online bullshit
i've got my grandma reminding me daily how much i'm "like my mother" and how she's threatening to turn the internet off and trying to make me seem ignorant in public when really she's the ignorant one cause she doesn't get how the internet works when i tell her "an online resume is required in order to complete an application"

HEHR - Today at 3:58 AM
dumbass stuck back in er youth

MysticMother - Today at 3:59 AM
So no, i'm not just avoiding conversation with just you
i'm doing it with everyone cause right now i'm pissed the fuck off, hurt and just want to scream and cry but i wont cause i'll hate myself just a bit more for it

HEHR - Today at 4:00 AM
y'know its okay to need to scream and cry when youre frustrated and upset, senpai.

MysticMother - Today at 4:01 AM
wanted to know how i got this "tough skin"?
this mentality is how

HEHR - Today at 4:01 AM
this mentality doesnt seem very healthy, from a psychological standpoint

MysticMother - Today at 4:03 AM
There's always someone who needs me
always someone who needs me to have a level fucking head to help them out and talk with them
I can't afford break downs and i sure as fuck can't afford to just be offline mentally, emotionally and physically for 24 hours without almost everyone thinking i'm avoiding them, hate them, or don't want anything to do with them
Cause i don't get break downs. I've only had what? Two? in the past three years? and even less if i continue to back track

HEHR - Today at 4:06 AM
thats because the level headed persona you take on (not saying youre not level headed) makes people understand youre reliable and they begin to use you as a crutch for their own feelings and know that youd probably have the smartest opinion.

though, that doesnt mean you dont deserve time to yourself. youre not a robot.
sometimes it scares me how much like dirk you are.
though, like dirk, theres flaws in trying to always be there for others and not give yourself the time of day

MysticMother - Today at 4:08 AM
Speaking of, i'm in a call with my little right now cause she's having issues with her boyfriend and needs me to help her.
I really don't have time to myself and i can't take any for myself
Hell i try joking around and it gets serious in three fucking seconds

HEHR - Today at 4:10 AM
senpai.
maybe tomorrow you should like
stay offline
and think about yourself and your own feelings and fucking cry if you have to.
its not healthy or good for you to keep it pent up, and we can live a day without you (uh dont like run off and leave forever though bc youre still a necessity hi my name is needy for your friendship)

MysticMother - Today at 4:14 AM
I doubt i'll be able to do it
and besides, kinda how i've always been. Good luck guessing at when i'm feeling like this without me telling you though, cause there's no way in hell i'll be that obvious with it.
and it's not just a persona, i've always put others first, even when buying presents for family when i was little. i'd spend the majority on the family presents before buying myself something with what's left
so, no. think i'll deny the offer to take a day off cause everytime i fucking try to something goes wrong and i don't want to take that chance(edited)

HEHR - Today at 4:18 AM
i know ill never know what youre feeling without you telling me youre feeling it
youve got like
an emotional block, at least for me you do.

i swear to you, as long as you tell us youre taking a day off, we'll live. shit gies wrong all the time always, whether youre here or not, but im sure all of us collectively have other people to talk to
i have kal, mel and cece have uh
eachother?
their own friends?
ashy has them
like i dont know your friends ok but like yes
you get what im trying to say
not that youre like uh
unneeded or that i dont appreciate you and eveeything you do really i do youre a great friend
but as a great friend you deserve some time to yaknow
bask if your greatness
i guess

MysticMother - Today at 4:22 AM
hal stop you're talking yourself into a wall rn
and it's fine, rather easy to just push shit down to handle something else. i've done it several times before, and being "robotic" isn't as bad as it sounds.
until you get to the point where you can't understand why the hell you're fucking up so god damn much and you can't shake the feeling some bitch is trying to steal your girlfriend.
and you've got no idea when a "friendship" went sour
then it's a bit of a wiring problem that's easily fixed with a lockdown

HEHR - Today at 4:23 AM
thats
not good thinking senpai
youre not a robot
human
human emotions
no pushing down
you sound emo
bad
no robo
not hal
im hal stop stealing me
get it
haha
uh
anyway
maybe atleast you should like
slowly let it out?
do you ever vent?
like to people
like big vents
like big enough to cry and get over it

MysticMother - Today at 4:24 AM
Nope
They're not important

HEHR - Today at 4:24 AM
yes they are !

MysticMother - Today at 4:24 AM
and everyone always says i'm too good at rping striders(edited)

HEHR - Today at 4:24 AM
i WONDER why

MysticMother - Today at 4:25 AM
the world may never know

HEHR - Today at 4:25 AM
yep fucking magic or sone shit
but
i really do think you should do a dave and vent and hug it out

MysticMother - Today at 4:26 AM
"sone"

Did you mean "some"?

i'm just good at hiding behind a guise or mask to hide how i feel, and put up blocks so i don't say anything i don't want to say
and no, if i try that irl i'll probably end up punching a few holes in the wall

HEHR - Today at 4:27 AM
yes i did but i aint fixin it

hey punching holes is good we've got many from frustration moments
ew melanie martinez

MysticMother - Today at 4:27 AM
"Plastic, plastic. Go back to being plastic."

HEHR - Today at 4:28 AM
brad did one in a cabnet, chris in another and my door, and eddie kicked a hole in the bathroom door
dont you get it though
that theyre
d o l l s
you
are human
not a doll
theyre literally supposed to be imperfect
i guess
you are human

MysticMother - Today at 4:29 AM
human who's good at playing pretend

HEHR - Today at 4:29 AM
sorry to say it bro but you aint an ai or a puppet thats pullin the strings
huh i wonder where your shades are you fuckin strider
instead of shades you hide behind a screen
!
hal
you fucker you keep taking my name
MysticMother - Today at 4:31 AM
My "shades" are the many masks i use to hide my emotions
huh, maybe i really am a heart player

HEHR - Today at 4:32 AM
i love how you disgarding that you keep taking my name.
but did you see how much damage it did
its like watching someone burn themselves and watch ghe repercussions and stil doing it next
like did you see how shit those guys felt
all the time
always
would you really think it has nothing to do with the closed door personality?(edited)

MysticMother - Today at 4:34 AM
If i'm not dying or in danger of death it really doesn't matter
now, which sounds like me
Aspect: Rage
Those bound to the aspect of Rage are bringers of chaos. They posses great contempt for lies or false ideas, including the stability that false ideas can impart. To them, the true is far more important than the good; they would tear down a system just to destabilize it if, by their reckoning, it is built on faulty premises. Often the Rage-bound prefer anarchy to any of the alternate forms of civilization, which they believe to be riddled with lies and foolishness and obedient masses. They are bringers of confusion and doubt, and they can be frustratingly difficult to convince otherwise when they have attached themselves to an idea. If they sound dangerous, they are. The Rage-bound tend to be most volatile and unpredictable of the aspects. At their best they are original, revolutionary, and fearless. At their worst they are cruel, uncompromising, and vicious.
Aspect: Heart
Those bound to the aspect of Heart are very concerned with their favorite subject: themselves. It wouldn't be a stretch to call them 'self-obsessed', but not necessarily in a negative way. They simply want to understand the one thing we all are stuck with for our entire lives, i.e. our own minds. Forging an identity is extremely important to the Heart-bound, and every decision and action goes toward building a coherent narrative of their own story. That isn't to say Heart-bound don't care deeply for their friends and allies; they just have a tendency to assume that everyone is as concerned with identity as they are. They are excellent at putting on and taking off masks as the situation calls for them. At their best, they are competent, imaginative, and steady. At their worst they can be overbearing, inflexible, and cold.

HEHR - Today at 4:35 AM
senpai
do you realize and understand that youre going to end up hurting yourself more than you could ever help someone else?
you say "If i'm not dying or in danger of death it really doesn't matter" but like
how wouls i know if youre not?
how do I know youre not a danger to yourself?
especially with your huge brick wall
it kinda really worries me that you think like that, cause its not okay. its not a good mentality. no, its not healthy to think youre the most important in anything either, but there should be some balance(edited)
i would think you of all people would know that

MysticMother - Today at 4:39 AM
Breaking down my own defences will do more harm then good.
and tbh, i think i might be a combination of heart-bound and rage-bound
you've seen me be cold, vicious, inflexible and cruel several times

HEHR - Today at 4:39 AM
i promise im giving you a moment to talk fucking finally sorry
i know i have
well maybe you shouldn't like
break down all of it, atleast not quickly
but a start would probably help your stress and frustration
god maybe let yourself cry when you need to? maybe that would be good?

MysticMother - Today at 4:41 AM
too late
no longer "need" to cry

HEHR - Today at 4:42 AM
i mean hell if you promise, and stick to said promise, that youd let yourself cry and tantrum when you need to id probably not worry as much

although yes, crying isnt a necessity, it is healthy and can give you some semblace of a break
or maybe just a heavy vemt every once in a while
MysticMother - Today at 4:42 AM
can't promise that

HEHR - Today at 4:43 AM
how often do you go to ashy and just
iunno
complain the shit out of everything
like
ok that sounds weird but
i think you getbit

MysticMother - Today at 4:44 AM
I don't go to ashley and complain or vent
i mainly go to madi, but it's only for maybe a couple minutes and almost always about someone or something

HEHR - Today at 4:44 AM
you dont go to your girlfriend?
huh
for someone that preaches communication thats
startling

MysticMother - Today at 4:45 AM
I do communicate
but i don't go to her and just rant
she's got a moirail and it isn't me

HEHR - Today at 4:45 AM
okay but youre also not trolls and shit

MysticMother - Today at 4:45 AM
and i swear the moment you start getting high and mighty on me i'm muting this chat-

HEHR - Today at 4:46 AM
huh
what do you mean

MysticMother - Today at 4:46 AM
basically turn down the volume

HEHR - Today at 4:46 AM
-.-

MysticMother - Today at 4:46 AM
either or ignore the notifs

HEHR - Today at 4:46 AM
what do you mean by high and mighty ya butt

MysticMother - Today at 4:48 AM
don't turn into kankri
he's annoying in the comic and annoying when anyone acts like him

HEHR - Today at 4:48 AM
oh dear
do i do that?

MysticMother - Today at 4:48 AM
part of the reason i got a bit ticked at you

HEHR - Today at 4:48 AM
god i gotta reevalute myself
when i sent my original message after the argument i was trying to be
civil
mature
not start a bitch fight
and fucking demand respect from you on that cause i ajnt takin bullshit
itd be redundant be a whiney ass cunt and ask for respect at the same time
i wanted to be clear and for you to understand that i was serious bout that
sorry if it seemed stuck up
did it?

MysticMother - Today at 4:52 AM
on more then one occasion

HEHR - Today at 4:52 AM
lovely
i still have the whole thing in a text document which i checked over atleast 4 times and had kal check over once
ok reading it back to myself
im kinda a cunt
(waiting for a much deserved "kinda?")

MysticMother - Today at 4:55 AM
just noticed?

and on our other note
i highly doubt i'll be breaking down any walls, now or in the near future.
Yeah i know it's probably closed door self-destruction, but i really don't care? Not fully here mentally speaking anyways so i doubt i'll stop this downward spiral. Some people fall in love with simple things, guess i'm in love with my own brand of pain

HEHR - Today at 4:56 AM
kiiinky,,,???
but
can you promise that youll vent when its bad atleast?
or, atleast try?
i dont wanna wake up and you have a britney spears moment

MysticMother - Today at 4:58 AM
"Britney spears moment"??

"I want to hide the truth
I want to shelter you
But with the 'beast' inside
There’s nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come"

HEHR - Today at 4:59 AM
remember when she had a breakdown and shaved her heas
does no one fucking remember that?

MysticMother - Today at 4:59 AM
I just don't care unless she's on top of a building
then i grab a lawn chair with popcorn and a megaphone, yelling "DO A FLIP"
same with justin beber

HEHR - Today at 5:00 AM
i know what you got that from ur not sneaky

MysticMother - Today at 5:01 AM
hehehehe

HEHR - Today at 5:01 AM
"like if youre the 99% of people that would be sad if justin bieber jumped off a roof. repost if youre that 1% eating popcorn and yelling "do a flip!"!"
or something along the lines

MysticMother - Today at 5:01 AM
pfft

HEHR - Today at 5:02 AM
but senpai
seriously
can you atleast still ma heart a lil and tell someone when its bad?
promise to

MysticMother - Today at 5:02 AM
if it's bad you wont be able to get a hold of me cause i wont be replying to anyone
breakdowns do that to you
i'll attempt to talk to people but no promises

HEHR - Today at 5:03 AM
thank you for atleast making an attempt
hugs i care about you
and the stress you put on yourself will kill you if you keep up like this

MysticMother - Today at 5:04 AM
I've already got dark circles and my hair is falling out
i swore i saw a grey hair this morning
and had a mini aneurism
about to demand to head to the dollar general to get brown hair dye
then i realized my eyes just had cold in them and i flipped out for nothing

HEHR - Today at 5:05 AM
omg
also
aneurisms arent funny my grandpa has two :triumph:
im joking
well
he has had them
but i aint sensitivw
imma big girl

MysticMother - Today at 5:07 AM
that's you not me : P

besides, i'm probably just going to keep giving you the run around and using rather complicated words cause i know there's probably no way in hell i'm going to be able to change how i am, even if it's for my own good

HEHR - Today at 5:08 AM
theyre only complicated cause ya cant spell fer shit

i know. but even a little helps. youll never be super open and optomistic, i get that, but anything is something

MysticMother - Today at 5:08 AM
that's bullshit, i've got spellcheck on you asshole
and i hurt the bad under my third finger on my left hand and it h u r t s

HEHR - Today at 5:09 AM
oh no

MysticMother - Today at 5:11 AM
rip
when youtube suggests Lithium and you're just "yes please-"

HEHR - Today at 5:13 AM
pft

MysticMother - Today at 5:14 AM
Evanescence is my life force

HEHR - Today at 5:14 AM
them and their impression:It was early in the morning and dave was wearing an orange hoodie with black jeans and white socks and he had a red beanie on with his shades and he was sitting on the couch

MysticMother - Today at 5:14 AM
makes burying eaiser

HEHR - Today at 5:14 AM
me and my impression: dirk adjusted his black glasses, moving the obnoxiously huge bouquet of roses from arm to arm, slightly hurting his arms through the orange stained cotton with the thorns. he stared at the door, and then his black combat boots.  he waited a few moments, twidling with the buttons on the cuff on his shirt. He took a deep breath, and pounded on the door three times rapidly
-
what?
oh

MysticMother - Today at 5:16 AM
hm?

HEHR - Today at 5:16 AM
:(
MysticMother - Today at 5:17 AM
:>

HEHR - Today at 5:24 AM
:>