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Jun 21st, 2019
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  1. im gonna buy a condo, take a huge shit in it, smear it all over the walls, and market it for $1225/month as honestly as possible
  2. then ill truly be able to call myself a Land Lord
  3. i also wont allow pets and will charge a per child deposit of 10 years of indentured servitude
  4. why would i let pets tear up my nice shit-covered condo with a collapsing roof?
  5. oh yea, the roof is collapsing, i forgot to mention, but god damn you if you ask me to fix it, its not collapsed YET so its not necessary
  6. the deposit is three months rent, and its refundable, but i charge a cleaning fee of exactly $4175
  7. someone told me that means the tenants will owe me $500 and not get any deposit money back, and i thought, "yea? im supposed to be making a profit here?"
  8. how do people not understand?
  9. not only are utilities NOT included, but they arent even connected, youll have to do that yourself
  10. the lease has the following clause: "if you pursue me for any violations of 'your rights as tenants,' you forfeit any right to obtain the antidote to the poison you just ingested"
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