[3/29/2012 5:21:06 PM] tentacleTherapist: Are you there?
[3/29/2012 5:21:31 PM] tentacleTherapist: That's a stupid question. It says that you're away.
[3/29/2012 5:21:34 PM] tentacleTherapist: Sorry.
[3/29/2012 5:21:45 PM] alabasterConverted: No Im here sorry
[3/29/2012 5:21:50 PM] alabasterConverted: I'm tidying a bit
[3/29/2012 5:22:08 PM] alabasterConverted: I set it to away since I have a few people on here that I dont really know very well
[3/29/2012 5:22:14 PM] alabasterConverted: who like to ask me like 9 bajillion questions
[3/29/2012 5:22:19 PM] alabasterConverted: so I dint wanna deal with them right now
[3/29/2012 5:22:56 PM] tentacleTherapist: And you don't need me harassing you more.
[3/29/2012 5:23:04 PM] alabasterConverted: No that's not it D:
[3/29/2012 5:23:49 PM] tentacleTherapist: There's no need to be polite. I'm well aware that I'm included in that.
[3/29/2012 5:23:53 PM] alabasterConverted: Look, I am really sorry about yesteday. I felt bad but I didn't know what to say. I make it really clear, almost everyday how much you mean to me. I do mean it when I say you're my best firned. and I love you to peices. So to have you say that you don't believe that I want to talk to you, or that Im doing it to spare your feelings, it hurts me a lot.
[3/29/2012 5:24:06 PM] alabasterConverted: I love you, and I love talking to you
[3/29/2012 5:24:25 PM] alabasterConverted: so when you just brush it off, and tell me its not true, or Im lying it hurts. That you dont see how much you do mean to me, and it makes me feel that you just dont want to talk to me
[3/29/2012 5:24:38 PM] tentacleTherapist: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.
[3/29/2012 5:24:42 PM] alabasterConverted: It's fine
[3/29/2012 5:24:44 PM] alabasterConverted: Just please
[3/29/2012 5:24:47 PM] alabasterConverted: Believe me
[3/29/2012 5:24:50 PM] alabasterConverted: You mean a lot to me
[3/29/2012 5:24:52 PM] alabasterConverted: A hell of a lot
[3/29/2012 5:25:09 PM] alabasterConverted: And please dont ever think I wnat to brush you off or am annoyed with talking ro you
[3/29/2012 5:25:12 PM] alabasterConverted: becuase its never been true
[3/29/2012 5:25:40 PM] tentacleTherapist: I just don't want to burden you with my whiny bullshit.
[3/29/2012 5:25:42 PM] tentacleTherapist: I'm sorry.
[3/29/2012 5:25:57 PM] alabasterConverted: You don't burden me
[3/29/2012 5:26:09 PM] alabasterConverted: Its what friends are for <3 To listen to each other when the other needs to whine
[3/29/2012 5:26:10 PM] alabasterConverted: you do it for me all the time
[3/29/2012 5:26:34 PM] tentacleTherapist: You need it.
[3/29/2012 5:26:41 PM] tentacleTherapist: Mine is excessive.
[3/29/2012 5:26:58 PM] alabasterConverted: I don't think so
[3/29/2012 5:27:05 PM] alabasterConverted: Wanna hear something on a cheerier note?
[3/29/2012 5:27:51 PM] tentacleTherapist: Nothing that I could say would be particularly uplifting.
[3/29/2012 5:27:52 PM] tentacleTherapist: Sure.
[3/29/2012 5:28:02 PM] alabasterConverted: In one week today
[3/29/2012 5:28:10 PM] alabasterConverted: one week from almost...rightnow
[3/29/2012 5:28:16 PM] alabasterConverted: We'll be meeting at the airport ;3;
[3/29/2012 5:28:36 PM] tentacleTherapist: And you get to see how pathetic I am in person.
[3/29/2012 5:28:42 PM] tentacleTherapist: Brace yourself for disappointment.
[3/29/2012 5:28:53 PM] alabasterConverted: I've met you in person before
[3/29/2012 5:28:57 PM] alabasterConverted: Im excited ;3;
[3/29/2012 5:28:59 PM] tentacleTherapist: For five seconds.
[3/29/2012 5:29:36 PM] tentacleTherapist: I'm excited, too.
I just harbor no illusions as to exactly how unpleasant you'll find my company.'
[3/29/2012 5:29:51 PM] alabasterConverted: Im sure I'll love it
[3/29/2012 5:30:04 PM] alabasterConverted: On that note
[3/29/2012 5:30:12 PM] alabasterConverted: are your parents more parital to white or red whine
[3/29/2012 5:30:13 PM] alabasterConverted: wine*
[3/29/2012 5:30:49 PM] tentacleTherapist: Either/or.
[3/29/2012 5:30:53 PM] tentacleTherapist: And you won't.
[3/29/2012 5:30:57 PM] tentacleTherapist: I'll fuck it up.
[3/29/2012 5:31:03 PM] tentacleTherapist: Like I do everything else.
[3/29/2012 5:31:13 PM] alabasterConverted: Nope
[3/29/2012 5:31:15 PM] alabasterConverted: Im hard to displease
[3/29/2012 5:31:26 PM] tentacleTherapist: I'll manage.
[3/29/2012 5:31:32 PM] alabasterConverted: Bet you won't~
[3/29/2012 5:31:37 PM] alabasterConverted: Birthday slumber party
[3/29/2012 5:32:28 PM] tentacleTherapist: Hours of stilted conversation as you attempt to divine some way of easing the awkwardness.
[3/29/2012 5:32:40 PM] tentacleTherapist: You'll be relieved to return to Ottawa.
[3/29/2012 5:35:06 PM] tentacleTherapist: Sorry.
[3/29/2012 5:35:09 PM] tentacleTherapist: I'll shut up.
[3/29/2012 5:35:25 PM] alabasterConverted: I doubt I'll be relieved
[3/29/2012 5:35:29 PM] alabasterConverted: I am so excited for next week ;3;
[3/29/2012 5:35:34 PM] alabasterConverted: I can't even handle myself
[3/29/2012 5:36:15 PM] tentacleTherapist: You're thrilled and I have to rationalize getting up in the morning.
[3/29/2012 5:36:17 PM] tentacleTherapist: Go figure.
[3/29/2012 5:36:32 PM] alabasterConverted: Hun...
[3/29/2012 5:37:15 PM] tentacleTherapist: What?
[3/29/2012 5:39:13 PM] tentacleTherapist: Do you want me to leave you alone? Because I can do that.
[3/29/2012 5:45:41 PM] tentacleTherapist: Sorry.
[3/29/2012 5:45:44 PM] tentacleTherapist: Fucking off now.
[3/29/2012 5:49:20 PM] tentacleTherapist: God, I'm sorry, I can't even do this right.
[3/29/2012 5:49:24 PM] tentacleTherapist: Fuck.
[3/29/2012 5:56:08 PM] tentacleTherapist: I'm so completely and totally brainless that I can't even figure out how to say 'I need someone to talk to because I'm a weak, useless little bitch, but you're busy and have enough on your plate without my whining so I'll leave you be' without hurting you.
[3/29/2012 5:56:17 PM] tentacleTherapist: God, I'm sorry.
[3/29/2012 5:56:44 PM] alabasterConverted: Hunny
[3/29/2012 5:56:44 PM] alabasterConverted: I will always talk to you when you need it
[3/29/2012 5:56:49 PM] alabasterConverted: Always
[3/29/2012 5:56:53 PM] alabasterConverted: I am always here for you
[3/29/2012 5:56:54 PM] alabasterConverted: Never think otherwise
[3/29/2012 5:58:58 PM] tentacleTherapist: I suppose that I'm torn between being a selfish twat and not pestering you.
[3/29/2012 5:59:56 PM] alabasterConverted: Tell you waht
[3/29/2012 6:00:00 PM] alabasterConverted: I promise to be completely honest with you
[3/29/2012 6:00:02 PM] alabasterConverted: and if you are ever bothering me when I'm busy
[3/29/2012 6:00:16 PM] alabasterConverted: I will staight up say "Hayley, I am very busy right now I can't talk"
[3/29/2012 6:00:21 PM] alabasterConverted: and unless I say that
[3/29/2012 6:00:22 PM] alabasterConverted: and know you wont be offended
[3/29/2012 6:00:25 PM] alabasterConverted: assume you aren't bothering me
[3/29/2012 6:00:27 PM] alabasterConverted: Alright?
[3/29/2012 6:00:44 PM] tentacleTherapist: Alright.
[3/29/2012 6:00:46 PM] tentacleTherapist: Thank you.
[3/29/2012 6:01:04 PM] alabasterConverted: <3 Of course
[3/29/2012 6:05:17 PM] tentacleTherapist: I really appreciate that.
[3/29/2012 6:05:38 PM] alabasterConverted: I'm glad, I'm glad I can be here for you
[3/29/2012 6:06:44 PM] tentacleTherapist: You're the only one who is.
[3/29/2012 6:06:53 PM] tentacleTherapist: Or at least, the only one that I'll permit.
[3/29/2012 6:07:04 PM] tentacleTherapist: Perhaps the only one who won't pity me.
[3/29/2012 6:07:32 PM] alabasterConverted: I don't believe pity helps anything
[3/29/2012 6:07:51 PM] alabasterConverted: If you're down on yourself for something, pitying you for it wont make you change it, it'll make you dwell on it longer
[3/29/2012 6:08:09 PM] alabasterConverted: Where as trying to show you ways to either get around, fix it, or that people love you regardless tends to have a better effect
[3/29/2012 6:08:27 PM] tentacleTherapist: I've basically given up.
[3/29/2012 6:08:52 PM] alabasterConverted: I wish you wouldn't
[3/29/2012 6:11:54 PM] tentacleTherapist: What's the point?
[3/29/2012 6:13:09 PM] alabasterConverted: I don't want to imagine not having you here to talk to
[3/29/2012 6:13:13 PM] alabasterConverted: I couldn't do it
[3/29/2012 6:15:19 PM] tentacleTherapist: Every day, I wake up, convince myself to stumble out of bed, and go through the motions of living a life.
[3/29/2012 6:16:12 PM] tentacleTherapist: Every day, I'm reminded that I'm a failure, I'm a disappointment, I bungle everything I touch, that I'm not even good enough to be what people imagine me to be.
[3/29/2012 6:16:40 PM | Edited 6:16:52 PM] tentacleTherapist: I sedate myself to the point of all-consuming apathy in order to cope with the fact that I have nothing left.
[3/29/2012 6:20:55 PM] tentacleTherapist: I'm not bemoaning the agony of my existence.
[3/29/2012 6:21:06 PM] tentacleTherapist: I'm just so tired of dealing with everything.
[3/29/2012 6:21:41 PM] alabasterConverted: I know... I'm sorry love. I honestly think you need to try and start over...
[3/29/2012 6:23:18 PM] tentacleTherapist: I'm bitter, spectacularly incapable of handling my own emotions, a complete failure at everything I do, absolutely miserable, and unable to permit anyone to see it, lest they leave or pity me for my ineptitude.

I'm not sure which is worse.

I'm so lonely, Ali.
[3/29/2012 6:23:27 PM] tentacleTherapist: Start over? With what? I have nothing left.
[3/29/2012 6:24:00 PM] alabasterConverted: You let me see it, that's something isn't it?
[3/29/2012 6:24:06 PM] alabasterConverted: And I'm still here
[3/29/2012 6:25:51 PM] tentacleTherapist: The only reason that I permit you to see me as anything less than entirely alright is that you're two thousand miles away, and however much pity you have for me is safely obscured behind your lines of text.
[3/29/2012 6:27:32 PM] tentacleTherapist: I can't afford to be pathetic in the sight of anyone else.
[3/29/2012 6:32:12 PM] tentacleTherapist: Sorry.
[3/29/2012 6:32:25 PM] tentacleTherapist: I'm pontificating at length on stupid shit again.
[3/29/2012 6:55:56 PM] tentacleTherapist: My bad.