ace hardware

“Ace Hardware: No screwing, just lots of screws.”
“Ace Hardware: Nail your roof, not your partner.”
“Ace Hardware: For when it really is just a hammer in your pocket”
“Ace Hardware: Erecting buildings, not your penis”
“Ace Hardware: Where nuts aren’t genetalia”
“Ace Hardware: The hammer is not our penis. Its just a hammer.”
“Ace Hardware: Where muff, is short for muffler”
“Ace Hardware: Yes that is a hammer, but we’re still happy to see you.”
“Ace Hardware: You can get Off? in our repellent aisle”
“Ace: The punny place.”
“Ace Hardware: Where all the asexuals come.”
“Ace Hardware: We’d hit that… with a hammer.”
“Ace Hardware: Can’t turn up the heat in the bedroom? Come see us! We’ll give you tips on how to fix your furnace!”
“Ace Hardware: Having trouble screwing? Remember, righty tighty, lefty loosey!”
“Ace Hardware: We would hope your erection lasts longer than four hours!”
"Ace Hardware: Where Nothing Is Too Hard!"
"Ace Hardware: If you want pussy, there are stray cats out back you can fed and pet."
Ace Hardware: The Only Bush We Care About Is In the Front Yard
Ace Hardware: Can’t Get It Up? We Sell Ladders!
Ace Hardware: “Cake” Means Cake. Yay, Food!
Ace Hardware: Wet? Here, Let’s Fix That Roof Leak.
Ace Hardware: Horny? We sell sand paper, lotion, and fingernail files.
Ace Hardware: We Do Projects, Not People.
Ace Hardware: Attraction? Yes; magnets are in aisle 5.
Ace Hardware: Lube? Yes, we have plenty of WD-40 in stock
Ace Hardware: Want to get dirty? We sell fertilizer and garden soil!
Ace Hardware: STD? Um, hang on…Larry? Customer looking for a product called STD. What aisle would that be in?
Ace Hardware: Hot and bothered? We have air conditioning!
Ace Hardware: The only thing we blow is leaves.
Ace Hardware: Want it hot and steamy? We sell humidifiers!
Ace Hardware: Long dry spell? We sell lawn sprinklers!
Ace Hardware: Sparks flying? We have home-use fire extinguishers.
Ace Hardware: Fertilizing gardens, not eggs.
Ace Hardware: We do jobs with our hands, not handjobs.
Ace Hardware: Want bigger equipment? We have the tools you need.
Ace Hardware: Looking for a good time? Come on in! We can hang out for a while.
Ace Hardware: Personal stimulation? Yep, we have fidget spinners.
Ace Hardware: The hardware store that doesn’t suck!