iPressQYesterday at 10:48 PM
yoyo
hows ur day been cranker

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 10:49 PM
Okkk
And yours?

iPressQYesterday at 10:49 PM
its good
just messaging cuz im in a weird headspace

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 10:49 PM
That's great

iPressQYesterday at 10:49 PM
not bad
just weird

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 10:49 PM
That's not great

iPressQYesterday at 10:49 PM
no
like

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 10:49 PM
Hm

iPressQYesterday at 10:49 PM
let me describe the perhaps "dilemma"
so context...
have I talked abt a girl named Vicky?
if not, then ill run you down some background info

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:30 PM
No you havent
And sorry for agking
Family

iPressQYesterday at 11:31 PM
np
you got a bit of time? cuz this wont be 2 minutes
its kind of a lot

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:32 PM
I got 30min apprx

iPressQYesterday at 11:32 PM
good enough
so
context
Vicky
I moved to this new school here in Armenia when I was 10
I initially met two ppl
her and a guy named Basil (still my close guy friend)
long story short
I instantly fell in love with her.
at 13, I went far into sadness and started having suicidal thoughts. All because of the anxiety that had built up on me from her
at 15, I confessed my love to her after graduation

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:33 PM
Oh okay yeah you told about her but not her name. But please continuem

iPressQYesterday at 11:33 PM
throughout all this time, she was my best friend
yea ok
anyways
so now here's the fucked part
at 15 I started smoking with her. It was our little pass time for a while.
yea I had lied the other time
:slight_smile:
anyways
it was just our lil thing. we would clear our minds and talk abt life
it was an escape. wholesome time
then when I told her how much I loved her
this love temporarily dissipated
it seemed as tho it was more me being in love with the idea of me being in love with her
if you get what I mean?
around this time is when I started dating this girl
long story short

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:35 PM
I absolutely know what you mean

iPressQYesterday at 11:36 PM
I still smoke often to clear my mind of everything and just chill to music
looking back, and analyzing
and i kinda realized
I still really fucking love this girl
and realistically
I've been lying to myself this whole time, as I usually do

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:36 PM
:frowning:

iPressQYesterday at 11:36 PM
and i started dating this other girl because I wanted an escape
and it worked obv
until it didn't....
but now
ive dug my grave further down
Because well
I told her I love her. and she knows that
and she loves me too, but you kno, as a friend
like

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:37 PM
:monkaS:

iPressQYesterday at 11:37 PM
we're SUPER close
best best best friends
like talk 24/7
and now
idk

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:37 PM
Oh no
Are you fine with just being friends
?

iPressQYesterday at 11:37 PM
I am, but I'm not
:/
My thought process is as goes
I get everything I want from being friends.
It's not like im physically attached to her.
I just love her presence
I love her everything.
Like
lkjfsdajklfasdj;lkadfsjl;k
Idk it fucked me in the head today when I realized that I'm back to this again
where she won't leave my head
and the reason I realized this is
we talk a lot abt our music
and she sent me a few songs
and told me how it related to this guy she was dating when I was madly in love with her
that was the lowest point in my life
and I realized how everything in the song is so ironic

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:39 PM
:frowning:
Oh no alex

iPressQYesterday at 11:39 PM
how she felt this insane love for another guy and that's how i felt for her
and still do i guess
:/
The only sad part to this is
Think about it
HOW TF do I get her out of my head?
HOW
Like, telling her I love her AGAIN simply makes it completely awkward

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:40 PM
I wish i could help you...
But it is how it is

iPressQYesterday at 11:40 PM
yea thats the thing
I've come to the realization
I kinda need to just accept it
and live with it
and hope one day its just different
hope I meet someone that takes my mind off of her
but thats not healthy either
Just gotta hope smth in life comes around thats grander than this

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:41 PM
Ah yeaj

iPressQYesterday at 11:41 PM
which is scary for me to think about because she's been my everything for the past 6 years

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:41 PM
I also fucked some random dude because i wanted to forget hadi
Didn't work
Don't do this shit

iPressQYesterday at 11:42 PM
Too late?
Well
half fucked
you already know the story

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:42 PM
Ah ye

iPressQYesterday at 11:42 PM
I had my mind clear for 3 months
while dating her
but then
I realized it just wasn't love
It was a distraction
so yea

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:43 PM
:confused:

iPressQYesterday at 11:43 PM
not rly expecting you to give some ground breaking advice dw
just needed someone to message that to

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:43 PM
Yeah it's like

iPressQYesterday at 11:43 PM
cuz my other chat buddy is drunk af
:smile:

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:43 PM
You cant advice
I hope you feel better soon alex

iPressQYesterday at 11:43 PM
see now
thats the worst part
hear me out
I'm at THE PEAK of my life. Without a doubt
WITHOUT A SINGLE doubt in my head
This feeling
this everything
my mentality
rn
is the best its been

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:44 PM
I don't know how exactly you feel rn, but I have been in similiar situations, and it became better...

iPressQYesterday at 11:44 PM
I feel so strong rn mentally.
It's just bothersome you know?

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:44 PM
So i hope it gets better for you as well
Yeah i know

iPressQYesterday at 11:44 PM
Yea...
I mean just to express how weird the situation is
Keep in mind
I have a week long trip planned with her and our other mutual female friend in a year
...
idk
its weird
Its only rly gets sad when I listen to certain songs and have this little compilation of memories with her that flow thru my mind
thats when sad boy hours kick in

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:46 PM
Oh man

iPressQYesterday at 11:46 PM
Here I'll leave you with this
a song and the lyrics. If you have time today, feel free to listen to it or simply read the lyrics
and the context being
This is one of her favorite songs

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:47 PM
Okay

iPressQYesterday at 11:47 PM
and it relates to her feelings with her ex
and ironically exactly how I have felt for the past 6 years
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWqMgiPf0T4
YouTube
CloudKid
Absofacto - Dissolve

No flask can keep it
Bubble up and cut right through
But you're someone I believe in
You heat me like a filament
Anytime you're in the room
But you burned me and I'm smoking
I just wanted you to watch me dissolve
Slowly
In a pool full of your love
But I don't even know how the chemistry works
When you're poolside
Kicking in the dirt
Kicking in the sand
And stirring up trouble
Can't find an exit
I wander in a maze alone
If I find you will you shock me?
Left left and right right
Pretty sure that I've been here before
And It isn't what I wanted
I just wanted you to watch me dissolve
Slowly
In a pool full of your love
But I don't even know how the chemistry works
When you're poolside
Kicking in the dirt
Kicking in the sand
And stirring up trouble
Your voice like an angel
Been chain smoking all month long
Like you're someone I believe in
You held me but I'm volatile
And never got my head screwed on
Now I'm melting through the floor
Am I only a lab rat?
Someone you can test things on?
Are you training for a new love?
All in white, like you're an angel
With the sun glimmering off your glass mask
This isn't what I signed up for
I just wanted you to
I just wanted you to
I just wanted you to watch me dissolve
Slowly
In a pool full of your love
But I don't even know how the chemistry works
When you're poolside
Kicking in the dirt
Kicking in the sand
And stirring up trouble
I just wanted you to watch me dissolve
I just wanted you to watch me dissolve
Slowly
I just wanted you to watch me dissolve
I just wanted you to watch me dissolve
Slowly
--------
Have a good day, imma go vibe out during these sad boys hours

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:48 PM
I will Listen to it later when i have proper wifi

iPressQYesterday at 11:48 PM
yea dw

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:48 PM
Alex feel hugged

iPressQYesterday at 11:48 PM
:hugging:

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:48 PM
:peepoHug:

iPressQYesterday at 11:48 PM
ttyl, thanks :heart:

CrankyAnkhYesterday at 11:49 PM
I cant give good advice on emotions, but feel free to tell me anything :heartpulse:

iPressQYesterday at 11:49 PM
Nah its fine
It's best to simply dissolve yourself in emotions
and just let it happen
whatever happens happens you know?
Best to enjoy these moments than to fight them