Sep 19th, 2015
- “Great! That’s just FUCKING great! Can this day get any shittier?”
- Sweat trickling down your forehead, you curse several obscenities and slam a fist right onto your car dashboard. You were driving home from another long, pointless day of work in triple digit heat underneath the scorching desert sun. The windows were rolled down and you were desperately trying to get any breeze that you could, yet all that blew in your face was what felt like hot air blowing straight out from an oven.
- “Stupid broken air conditioner. Stupid broken crappy car.”
- Fortunately, though, you could see your shack of a house in the distance and considering that you lived out in the middle of a desert with hardly anyone else around, you pound the accelerator for home. It doesn’t take long before you’re nearing your house and as you begin pulling up into the dirt driveway, you push on your brakes and park your car.
- Turning the ignition off, you hear the car make a series of cluttering noises, with the awful smell of exhaust leaking through your open windows. You begin coughing in response, but you decide to leave the windows down so that heat wouldn’t build up in the car. And besides, if anyone was dumb enough to rob you, all they’d get is an old, crappy car, along with a bunch of stupid junk. Not like you had anything valuable. All you had was crap.
- You quickly jump out of the car and grab your briefcase full of crap from work, slamming the car door shut as you do so. You quickly rush inside your home and immediately shut your front door, sighing in relief as you are greeted by a nice, icy cold breeze. At least you had central air in your home. Fucking heat.
- You waste no time in loosening your tie and unbuttoning your dress shirt in order to cool yourself off. In doing so, however, you accidentally drop your briefcase. It bounces on the floor and opens, spewing a bunch of papers all over the floor.
- “Fuck! Fuck! FUCK! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!”
- Obscenities pour from your mouth as you begin trying to pick up what were perhaps several dozen papers that were now all out of order. There was paper after paper of employees arguing and treating one another like garbage. Also included were memos from your boss threatening to fire you if you couldn’t resolve their problems and help improve the company. You were in danger of being fired, yet the longer you spent trying to gather and reorganize the papers, the more you realized how pointless all of this was. You begin to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, yet all you could say to yourself was “Fuck this shit.”
- You drop the pile of black and white documents and proceed to your kitchen to grab a nice cold one. You also grab a slice of frozen pizza and heat it up in the microwave. After a minute or so passes, you grab your food and drink and head off into your bedroom, silently nibbling on your meal as you booted up your computer.
- A few clicks and logins later, you instinctively sign into your business email account, only to see more and more complaints coming from your job. Yeah, no. This was your free time and you wanted to at least enjoy it. Besides, you knew you didn’t have a whole lot of time left. Considering the way things were going right now, you were figuring that tonight was finally going to be the night. So why not enjoy every minute of it until it was all over?
- With that in mind, you sign out of your business email and open up TOR to begin exploring the “fun” side of the Internet. There was always so much crazy shit on the dark side of the Internet, and for one reason or another, you were just fascinated with it. Stories of hitmen, illegal gun and drug markets, human experiments, kidnapping, government conspiracies…all sorts of crazy things. Granted, you mainly just read for the enjoyment of being spooked, but never had you attempted to actually interact with any of these “people.” The only time that ever happened was when you went on 4chan, but even then, you rarely talked to those guys either. Then again, you never really considered 4chan to be a part of the deep web, but rather saw it as a way to waste time and amuse yourself with the stuff you’d see.
- After spending about an hour or so mindlessly surfing the web, you remember that you had forgotten to check your personal email. Not that it really mattered, but you were drained and had nothing better to do, so why not?
- Signing into your account, you briefly scroll through your list of emails. Mortgage payment overdue, power is being cut off on Monday, insurance has expired, government wants its money back for the student loans you took out…yep, there’s no doubt about it. You’re fucked. Wonderful! Finally, the last nail in the coffin has been laid and you now have enough motivation to end it all.
- You began fantasizing about how you were going to off yourself, how everything would disappear, and how you could enjoy sweet nothingness. No more emotions, no more senses, no more thought…just nothing. You wanted that more than anything else. Yes, all that mattered was death. And that was exactly what you intended to do tonight.
- While you continue your suicidal ideation fantasy, your attention gradually comes back to reality as you had been mindlessly staring at your computer screen all this time. You noticed that you had missed an email. It had no subject, yet the sender’s address was very unusual. Looking closely, you see it is: BBBOSK34286dkwz@mail.com.
- The hell kind of email address is that? This might be a virus, should you open it? Oh why not. You knew you were going to be dead by the time night fell. Nothing mattered anymore, so you went ahead and clicked it open.
- Suffice it to say, the message was very strange. Unnerving almost. You read through it several times to try to comprehend its contents, but this was what you saw:
- You have been selected by us to participate in an exclusive program. According to our findings, we have determined that you would be an excellent candidate for our research. Based on your personal background and what we have uncovered from close observation, you appear to exhibit traits we feel could better advance our field of study. There is nothing you need to do on your part; just simply be yourself. We will take care of all the rest.
- For now though, we hope you enjoy your evening tonight. We will be in contact with you very shortly. Please try to relax and treat yourself to something nice. We need you to be in a calm state of mind for when we start.
- And with that, we very much look forward to working with you.
- Warm regards,
- What the literal fuck did you just read? I-Is someone watching you? The fuck? Wait a minute…A lightbulb clicks in your head and you suddenly realize that your computer must have been wiretapped. More likely than not, it must have come from wasting all that time surfing on the deep web. You knew that there could be dangerous viruses from many of the files you downloaded from that psycho part of the web, and you were also aware that there was always a risk that someone could have started following your online behavior as a result. But you just didn’t care anymore because you knew you would be dead soon.
- Fuck it. Let’s do it now. If this isn’t further proof that you’re really fucked, you don’t know what is.
- You hop out of your chair and stroll over to your dark-wooden nightstand and open up the drawer, revealing a Ruger GP100 six-shot revolver. You pick it up and walk to your tiny dining room area, plopping yourself on your worn-out discolored sofa.
- You were facing the back doorway, with the main door open and a glass screen door in front of it locked shut. Through it, you could see the sun setting in the horizon, casting a beautiful, luminescent glow across the desert landscape. One thing you did love about living in a desert was the spectacular sunrises and sunsets. You always loved coming over here this time of day and you would just zone out as you’d stare aimlessly across the southwestern desert.
- Yet your thoughts begin to run wild as you stare at the horizon, silently reflecting over everything that has happened in your life. Where did it all go so wrong? You wanted so much more. You wanted to do something amazing with your life, yet here you were doing human resources for a company that you despised. Why the flying fuck did you major in business? Let alone human resources? All you ever did day in and day out was take crap from people and work to help resolve their differences. Yeah, like that ever worked. Everyone hated you there and you hated everyone at that job. But you needed it to barely make ends meet or you would be homeless. And even then, it looked more and more like that was going to be the case if you stuck around.
- To add further to this train wreck, you actually went into debt going to college; tens of thousands of dollars doing something you didn’t want to do. Why? WHY? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?!? Peer pressure? Dropping out three times because you couldn’t afford it? Parents promising to help you, only to bail on that promise due to them declaring bankruptcy and divorcing one another? Desperate to get that piece of paper that would allow you to get a shitty job? So desperate that you were willing to take out any loans you could just so you could afford it?
- “Wh-h-y…j-just why…”
- Tears start streaming down your cheeks as you realize how big of a loser you really are. You would have killed yourself years ago had it not been for that crazy pony show. You just had to go on that stupid thread on 4chan’s /co/ board to check out what all the fuss was about. That show…it gave you hope to keep going…to not give up…to find pleasure in anything that you could. It was what started to crack the mask that was hiding who you truly were: a failed, pathetic-excuse of a human being that never realized their full potential…someone who has lived their entire life as a lie because of that thing, that thing which continues to haunt you to this very day.
- In short, you were a broken, sad, lonely individual that only wanted to be loved and to love others back. You hadn’t felt any love in years and that one show made you feel it again. It actually made you feel like your real self. What was it about those colorful ponies that did that to you? Did they give you hope that you could one day live in a utopian world just like they did? To love and care for one another, to have real friends, to love what you do, to have a real family, to raise a child, to mot-
- That thought quickly snapped you out of trance as that damn thing started creeping up into your head again. Boy were you getting tired of that. Whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore. No more thinking. You were going to end it. You were going to end it right now.
- You return back to reality and notice that the sun has disappeared over the horizon. It was dark outside now and you could see the stars glistening across the night sky.
- You turn on the lamp that was standing next to you and you look down at your revolver. It was a blue finish revolver with a long six-inch barrel. It was very smooth and had no scratches on it. You never once used it, yet the thing felt cold to the touch. Its weight made you start to shake as you pulled the gun up in front of you. It felt and looked menacing. Were you really going to do this?
- You push on the crane latch and the cylinder pops open to its left, revealing six loaded bullets inside. You push on the ejector rod just a little bit to pull out one of the bullets so that you can hold it out in front of your eyes. 125 grain .357 Magnum ammunition. The casing of the bullet was shiny and the tip was a rock-hard tannish color. You carefully examine it as a thought crosses your mind.
- “One bullet will end it all,” you say to yourself.
- You slide the bullet back into the barrel and spin it back into the frame just because you loved doing that with wheel guns. There is an audible click when you do this. Just as quickly, however, you turn the gun around so that the muzzle is facing your face. You stick it into your mouth with the grip facing upwards so that you could aim at a 45-degree angle and ensure a greater chance of the bullet hitting the vital parts of your brain. There was still a chance that you might survive this shit, but no more thinking. It’s now or never.
- You grip the gun hard and despite your heavy breathing and sweat pouring all over your body, you become very still and quiet. Time seems to have nearly stopped.
- Your finger starts to push against the trigger and…
- You involuntarily drop the gun on the couch and open your eyes. Were you dead? Did the gun go off? What was that?
- Just because why not, you quickly pick the gun back up and aim at the floor. You pull the trigger and BANG! Your ears begin ringing from the sound of that round being shot and you can feel your hand wearily shaking from the recoil effect of the firearm. Yeah, maybe blowing your brains out with a gun wouldn’t be the best way to go out.
- You pop open the cylinder again and push hard against the ejector rod. The bullets fall onto your lap, yet you notice only one empty bullet casing. Thus, the only shot that went off was the shot you fired into the floor. So you’re not dead. But then what the hell was that loud bang?
- Suddenly, the lamp next to you goes out. All of the lights in the house immediately shut off at once, leaving you in total darkness save for the moonlight eerily shining on you through the back door.
- Shit, did the utility company just shut off your power? No, that wouldn’t explain the loud bang. Where did it come from? Was it outside? It sounded like it came from somewhere very close to you.
- You quickly place the five remaining bullets into the cylinder and close it into the frame. You stand up carrying the gun in your right hand and walk on up to the glass door, slowly opening it. As you quietly step outside, you see absolutely nothing around you for miles.
- What the hell was that? No seriously, what the fuck was that?
- You walk to the side of your house and quickly notice that the door to the power box was lying on the ground. You quickly run up to the power box and notice that it looked like it had been completely wrecked. Wires were cut all over and you could see that somehow, the on/off switches to the circuit breakers were also missing.
- This wasn’t the power company. Someone was here.
- A chill creeps through your body and you clutch hard on your revolver for safety, even though you were going to use it to kill yourself. It’s still not too late to do that, but you at least wanted to know what the fuck was going on.
- You dig through your pants for a cell phone, but you quickly realize that it was missing. Where did you put it? Was it…? Oh…Oh shit. FUCK! You remembered that you left your phone sitting on the desk by your computer in your bedroom, which meant that you had to go back into your house to get it.
- Silently cursing to yourself, you quickly and quietly trek into the back entrance of your home. It was very dark and eerie inside, yet you noticed that there was some kind of light coming from the front side of the house. You quickly crouch in front of your discolored sofa and slowly peer upwards. Your front door was wide open. Shit. Someone really is here. But you need your cell phone. And you had a loaded gun.
- Silently and quickly, you dash into your bedroom to your left. Your eyes start to adjust to the darkness and you can see your cell phone sitting right next to your computer monitor. YES! Wait a minute. Oh…no…NO! FUCK! Your phone was dead. Wait, it wasn’t dead, it was smashed. Someone smashed it. That means…
- Before you could finish your thought, your bedroom door slams shut. You quickly turn around and aim your revolver at the doorway and just as you do so, you feel a needle-like object strike the side of your neck. You rapidly lose control of your hand and the gun falls to the floor.
- Five seconds later, you notice you’re falling to the floor, landing on it with a loud thud. You could feel yourself becoming very dizzy and warm, like a warm fluid was swishing through your body. Your limbs weren’t working the way you wanted them to move. Straining to do anything, you realize that this may finally be it. You were going to die.
- You struggle to look up and in your confused gaze, you can see the silhouette of a person, yet you could not make out any discernable features in the darkness. As this person starts to slowly walk towards you, your whole body rapidly becomes numb and tired. Your eyes soon close and you feel yourself quickly becoming lost into a comforting sea of darkness and nothingness.
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