Deferment (Days 175 - )

Day 175

I hope my sleep schedule gets back on track soon. All that brooding all night leaves me half asleep during the day. My body and brain wants to go to sleep now but it’s only just after lunch. I guess if I can maybe write for an hour or two it’ll be at least a little better. Maybe I can just sleep the rest of the day off.

I’m still not happy with this whole mess. We would have been better off if the portal had never been opened in the first place but now that it’s here the conflict has been inevitable. When it comes down to it it’s them or us. You can’t really expect either side to accept it and at least ponykind has provided us a means to live on still. So it really is the best option.

After I finished writing last night I only had a little while to actually sleep. Couldn’t have been more than 2 hours before breakfast. I probably should have just skipped it. Wasn’t hungry anyway. At least I got to share an awkward meal with Blue Moon, Willow, and Dusty. Even if I had felt like eating I don’t know how much appetite I’d have with all the eyes that were watching me. We didn’t have much conversation anyway. Practically as soon as the group came over to sit with me I got up and left. I just wasn’t really ready to talk to them.

Then it was to the offices for my ‘briefing’. I was a little confused on why Equestria even needed negotiators with the firepower they seemed to possess. It would be ar from ideal but transforming all the city inhabitants with bombs would at least make the process relatively quick and simple. It was the first question I asked Cadence. “Not an option” was the response. Turns out there are two reasons it can’t be done. First is the bombs are almost impossible to create. It takes a very powerful Unicorn to create one and it exhausts them to the point of helplessness for quite some time. Turns out only two candidates fit the criteria and if both were working full time on it the sun and moon wouldn’t be moving Equestria side. Apparently the primary reason Celestia and Luna weren’t seen much Earthside is the fact that while producing the stock of bombs they used their bodies were pushed to the limits. A few more are being stockpiled but nowhere near enough to transform the world before humans start leaving the cities.

Second is the fact that the bombs decay as soon as they leave Equestria. I don’t fully understand magic but according to Cadence as soon as they leave Equestria they begin losing their potency. About 3 hours is the longest they last and even then the radius is significantly diminished. Any longer and they tend to either explode at random or just wither away. Kind of sounds like radioactive elements and their half lives. So really the max radius we can reach with the bombs is however far a duo of pegasai can fly. She mentioned that one further target was struck. The wonderbolts had been rehearsing long distance relays the weeks leading up to the attack. They managed to reach DC in the three hours. I guess disrupting the nation’s capital makes sense but still its painted a bit of a target on us if they do somehow manage to organize.

I asked about Equestria’s plans for after the war. Would the governments be returned to us? Would be allowed to have our technology back. Cadence wasn’t sure. According to her neither Celestia nor Luna has any desire to rule Earth. If humanity wants to govern itself it would be allowed to but if it fell into immediate infighting they may step in. Same goes for technology. Once it’s all over ideally we could have it back but if were unstable and likely to lash out even after losing who knows how long it will take before we’re trusted enough. Sounds like a rough deal to me but I guess there IS a good chance that even if we were all ponies there is a chance we would nuke them out of spite.

From there the conversation changed to what I would be expected to do. For the moment there weren’t any plans to actively go out and contact any of the humans yet. They would be focusing on observing them and trying to help the surrounding area. Things aren’t going too well on that front.  People are pretty resentful about the whole being turned into ponies thing. While ponies haven’t managed to leave and spread the word a few humans have come into the area.

So far we think they’ve all been captured but I have to worry that if we missed even one the word could get out. They’re going to be moved here tomorrow I guess.  Cadence says she would like me there for the interrogation.  I agreed. She didn’t exactly need a mind reader to figure out that I wasn’t happy about it though. She informed me that this was voluntary and that I wouldn’t be expected to say anything if I didn’t want to. She was hoping that my presence would help to alleviate some of their worries. I should know better than anyone how stressful it is.

Until then I don’t have any responsibilities. Probably for the best. I don’t think I could really go out with teams. Facing single people who have been captured is one thing but facing crowds of people who have been transformed while I’m still human. I probably wouldn’t be able to take it.

I discussed one addional thing with her before she mentioned something that she thought I would like to know. That Seafoam would be released today. I hadn’t even really noticed she hadn’t show up. I was a little preoccupied. Apparently despite her size she was one of the more ‘enthusiastic’ opponents of the surprise attack on humanity. Knocked out a few teeth in the confusion that night. She was being kept in confinement along with a few others who got violent that night. Most were being released while two would be moved to Equestria during the night.

I took the chance to accompany her to the old transformation rooms where they were being held.  Turns out they had been converted into holding cells without me noticing during the last renovation. I wonder what else I missed.

The reunion didn’t go as well as I had hoped. She couldn’t really look me in the eye. She just said she was sorry but that she couldn’t face me now. I hope she just needs a little more space and time. I mean technically she was part of the start of all this but she didn’t know that. The fact that she got angry enough to start something is more than enough for me to forgive her.

It was a little early for lunch but I went to the mess hall early anyway. Mostly to avoid any ponies wandering about. It also gave me a chance to pick a spot where I was able to meet with my other friends again. I’ll admit it was a little forced but Dusty really helped smooth things over. I guess he had most of the day to think about what to say. It wasn’t so much of an apology but an admission that the whole situation was terrible and that if someday, eventually, he hoped that I could forgive them.

Really I’m not sure I can ever forgive him or most ponies. The thing is it seems like the majority are just as surprised as I was about the whole thing. I can’t really forgive someone for something they had no reasonable ability to stop. The more I think about it the more it’s obvious that there was no good solution.

I did manage to thank Willow and Blue Moon for their offer. They say they would still like me to reconsider. I’d be able to do a lot of good in Ponyville and they would be more than willing to vouch for me. Sure it might take a few years of training but they think I could make an excellent nurse. Really it might actually be the best choice but then I’d have to be a pony and I still don’t know if I’m ready for that. I keep putting it off and now its looming more than ever.

Still wasn’t really all that hungry and I ended up excusing myself early to head back to my room here. Though now that I write about it I am starting to feel hungry. Maybe I’ll sneak to the kitchen and just grab something small. I know I’ll have to face this issue head on at some point but I just don’t feel up to it this evening.