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My life & future plans

giratidaMan Jul 16th, 2019 916 Never
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  1.     I don't know where to start on this but these past couple years I've been going to GDQ's have honestly felt like an escape from IRL stuff rather than a fun vacation with my friends.  My family home hasn't been the greatest since I was a young. It didn't affect me as much back then as I didn't understand a lot of the adult life stuff going on with my mom but as I started to get into my teens it got worse and worse. My sister brought a lot of drama into the household as she was getting older and at this point it really started to affect me. Even till this day there have been waves of good with her but lots of bad that continues to go on. My mom also has her own problems that have leaked onto me and my sister since we were kids but I seemed to handle it all a bit better than my sister.  On another end with my cousins side of the family has also leaking into my life as well. It hasn't been the greatest for him either and he's been on the road since he was 16. Always in and out of my house from not being able to stay at his moms. We moved into the current house I'm in about 2 years ago and for more than half the time I've been here, I've had to share my room with him because he has nowhere else to stay. I don't fault him nor my mom but it does affect me heavily as it stops me from doing all the stuff I want to do when I want to do it.  Streaming and talking to friends online has always been a good get away for me since I was 13 and it's always been off and on since 2015. The best weeks of my life have been all the games done quick. I get a week to stay away from the drama and hardships thrown at me from a young age and get to have the time of my life with the people who care for me and are also there for a good time. As soon as I get back home, I get sucked back into the drama. I currently have to pay rent and other expenses where I live and have to work fulltime in order to get it done. I dropped out of college my first semester because I couldn't handle the pressure of going to school to get a degree and also helping pay bills at the house just for us to live here. The only income in the house comes from me and my step dad and we have 6-7 people living in the house (including myself). All of this has thrown me into a place where I've just been making money to help my family live but it's put me in a very toxic mindset and depressing state where I'm exhausted from it all and can't pull my self to do the things I want to do most. Stream, and have the freedom to make the decisions for the things I want without it affecting everyone else. I've made the decision that I was going to move out this year although I wasn't sure how or where it would happen at this last SGDQ a very wonderful opportunity came to me where Kendal offered me a place to stay at her house. The move is very far and probably the biggest change I'll have in my life if I take it. I feel this is an opportunity many people in a position similar to mine wouldn't get and I have the urge to take advantage of it. I would be in a space where I can focus on my self fully, work on my mental health, stream whenever I see fit, and really focus on what I want to do with my life without the need of worrying for others. This past week has really shown me all the people I have behind me supporting me from the speedrun community and it's heartwarming to me knowing I'm not alone in my struggle and I have people to go to. I still have a few months before all of this were to go down but I want to be more transparent with everyone on twitter, my discord, and all my friends online as I feel I get pretty quiet over the 6 months I'm not at GDQ. If I make this move, I don't think I'd be able to make the next GDQ, nor any events prior to it like Twitchcon. Twitchcon and AGDQ is definitely more of a privilege at this point in my life that I'm going to rather than something I can just do because I can or want to go. Without all my internet friends I wouldn't be in the position to be able to move out so "easily", have the courage to chase the things I want in life, as well as the confidence to put my self before others because ever since I was 16-18 I have been compromising to make sure everyone else is good. Just like a couple of you guys have told me, "If you aren't in the right head space, how can you help anyone else?" So this is the start of my change! The move is the most important part and that will happen regardless if I can't make it to AGDQ and Twitchcon but I'd also like the opportunities to still go. For that I will set some donation goals for the plane tickets on stream and work hard to make my stream the place I want it to be by the time I move out. I have plans for getting better at SM64, incorporating SMS into my stream more, currently learning Pokémon Snap as a speed game, and have a couple casual games I have yet to finish on stream.  Even if I don't get to go it's okay because without you guys I wouldn't be able to be in the position I am in right now so thank you for everything <3. This is the start of my change so thanks to anyone who took the time to read this, it really means a lot me. Now it's time to finish off the year strong!
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  4.     - TL:DR
  5.     - Home life hasn't been great since I was young.
  6.     - I don't have my own space to do the things I want.
  7.     - High possibility of me moving out by the end of the year.
  8.     - Lots of stream goals moving forward
  9.     - I love you guys <3
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  11. Carlos/GiratinaJumps/daMan
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