Recipe for a drink:

 Ingredients: spirit of your choosing, mixer, cup

Step 1: pour your mixer of choice into a small cup, at about a 4 to 1 ratio with your particular spirit. Remember,

the liquor is there to enhance the flavor of the drink, not to overpower it. Feel free to use a measuring cup if

necessary to help weigh out the fluid oz. Stir with a spoon, and enjoy at your leisure.

Step 2: While drinking responsibly is recommended, odds are you haven't fallen asleep with a good John Grisham

novel and a nice rum and coke. Mix the liquor in first, so that you have a better understanding, despite your

buzzed state, of just how much alcohol you're putting into your body. Ensure that it doesn't reach more than a

third of the way up, and fill the rest of the cup with your mixer of choice. Enjoy at your leisure.

Step 3: Wow i didn't even like vodka before this, thank god spec's happened to have a sale on this particular brand

or i would've never discovered it. So you're gonna wanna pour a little more liquor in the cup, and after you think

you've poured enough, just pour a little bit more in there. Just a splash, it's classy to add a little splash. Pour in the

mixer, swirl it with your finger, and man you'll be feelin pretty good after you drink this bad boy.

Step 4: It's 3am already, huh? Pour up a lil somethin in the cup, get on the back porch and spark yourself up a

cigarette, you've earned it. You work hard, you play harder, smoke a little weed while you're out there. Get a

bigger cup. Pour your drink into it. Add more of your select spirit. Man, fuck Jessica. She just doesn't understand

that sometimes the opportunity of pussy presents itself and I would be a fool to say no.

Step 5: Take the bottle of liquor and hold it closely. It understands the struggle. You didn't ask for this, you were

born into it. Drink deeply from the bottle. Grab another can of soda or the carton of juice if you can. If not, don't

worry about it. The bottle is all that matters. Despite everything and all the people that have left or that now

resent you, this gorgeous, well designed bottle understands you. It knows you better than anyone.

Step 6: Attempt to put your penis in the bottle to simulate the intimacy of a woman. Fail. Weep deeply and

contemplate why you are crying, while experiencing the sweet, delicious numbness of liquor. Call that bitch

Jessica. Tell her you love her, drink from the bottle (which if you're following these steps should almost be empty)

for at least 15 seconds.  Glance at the empty carton of juice or the empty can of coke. Vomit on the floor. Tell

Jessica you want to make things right. Realize it's a voicemail when the beep and robot voice tells you that you've

gone over the time limit for a voicemail. Throw your phone. Cry. Drink heavily.