Uncle Clyde

Story by Patanu

> Clyde didn’t visit the Loud house as often as used to... Lincoln was usually too busy with work or his kids. Today was no different; he’d been waiting outside for the past half hour as Lincoln tried to get Lizy unglued from the wall. Apparently she wanted to be a gecko and thought putting super glue on her fingers would help.
> He turned ar the sound of the front door to see Lupa walking out with a fresh pack of cigs.
> “How’s it going, Lupa?”
> “It’s going.” Yeah, that was about what he had expected to hear. Clyde could only watch as she lit a fresh stick and took a puff. Like any good friend, Clyde tried to warn her of the dangers of nicotine addiction. She gave her OWN warning to mind his own damn business. “Hey Lemy, you look like shit.” Clyde turned to see a bruised and beaten Lemy dragging his feet to the porch before catching the stairs with a heavy breath.
> “Oh my God! Lemy, are you alright?!” He gasped. Lemy groaned as Clyde helped him to top of the steps and rested his head on the banister Lupa was sitting on.
> “Don’t worry about it, he’ll walk it off.” Lupa said in a monotone voice. Clyde couldn’t believe how cold this girl was.
> “Yeah, don't worry about it. I just need-” Lemy swallowed a breath. “...To chill for a second.” Clyde reached into his man purse (which is completely handy and NOT girly at all) and pulled out a small first aid kit.
> “Just sit there and let me take care of it.” He was able to reduce the swelling a bit; he put some small bandages on the cuts and scratches. “So I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you get into a lot of fights?”
> “Not like he doesn’t deserve it.” Lupa muttered. Is her heart made of ice?
> “Don’t worry about it. Not gonna back down just because I know I cant win.” That pride was going to get him killed. Thankfully, Doctor Lopez had left Clyde with enough knowledge to get through to ANY kid.

> “I get you don't wanna run from a fight, but there’s no shame in knowing when you’re beat. I’ve had to deal with that a lot in my life.”
> Clyde was no fool. He was a sad example of a man. Divorced, single at 33, jobless, staying in your friend’s guest shack... overhearing Lincoln lecture his kids to ‘be nice to Uncle Clyde’. Most of them did, some of them didn’t, but he knew deep down they all held some kind of contempt for him.
> But doctor Lopez had taught him that your lowest point can be the first step to the mountain of success. He was just stuck at the base for the past 8 years. Eventually he would reach that peak, and maybe his first step was to give some advice to his best friend’s son.
> “Lemy, why do you get in so many fights?”
> “I dunno, some people are assholes and I dont like assholes. So I fight assholes.”
> “If I may give my diagnosis.” Lupa interrupted their man to man moment. “I think the patient has a fixation on puckered poop chutes.”
> “Screw you.” Lemy shot back.
> “You wish.” Lupa retorted. Ignoring her, Clyde went back to mentor mode.
> “Lemy. We all want to be tough, but sometimes its better to accept your limitations. Better to walk away and live to fight another day. You may not look tough, but at least you’ll be safe.”
> Clyde could tell his words were sinking in. Lemy closed his eyes in thought as he pondered his uncle’s wisdom... until Lupa smacked the side of his head.
> “Hey, ass man. Can’t fall asleep with a concussion.” Oh God, did he have a concussion?! Clyde would have looked closer but it was difficult to with all that hair in the way. In any case, the boy looked fine, so Clyde pressed on.
> “You know Lemy, you remind me a lot of myself when I was your age.”
> Lemy snapped wide awake, his eyes bugging out of their sockets. Lupa just slowly turned to him, her half-lit cigarette falling from her gaping mouth. “W-what.”

> “Oh god..I...I-d-do?” Before Lemy could say anything else, Lupa twisted his head around to look him right in his eyes.
> “NO! You are NOT like Clyde. Don t you think that for even a second.” Lupa said. Clyde didn’t know what to make of this... for the first time he could remember, she looked genuinely concerned.
> Lemy was breathing heavier now, a cold sweat beginning to form on his forehead. Lupa just stroked his head to try and calm him down.
> “Lemy, look at me. Look at me!” She held him close to make sure she was looking right at him. “You are a good brother and an amazing person. I know I give you a lot of shit but that's because I want you to stand up for yourself. I love you, bro.” She was actually starting to tear up, like this was some kind of suicide intervention.
> “B-but what if I am like him... what if I turn out like him?!” Lemy cried. Lupa pulled him into tight hug and pet his head the whole time.
> “Don’t ever say that. You’ve got a lot going for you. People like you... I know it doesn’t always seem like it, but we all love you.” She assured him. Lemy returned the hug and held his older sister close, whimpering into her shoulder.
> “Yeah Lemy, I know it feel pointless now but-” Clyde began, before Lupa stuck her finger right in his face with the coldest stare he had seen from her yet.
> “You! Don’t say one more word. You’ve done enough damage.” She hissed as she helped her shaking brother to his feet. “C’mon. Do you wanna go watch some Failed Stunt vids?”
> “Y-yeah, I-I’d like that.” Lemy said as Lupa helped him inside. A moment later, Lincoln came out.
> “Sorry for the wait,” Lincoln said. “Had to remove a lot of wallpaper to get her off.”
> “...Lincoln, I don’t think your kids think very highly of me.”
> “No shit!” Lupa yelled from inside, nailing the point home.