the new

Background:
Last few months my life had been just staying home, doing 3d modeling and gaming on computer. I

avoided going outside as much as possible.
First thing I did on mornings was turning computer on and going into games and do game dailies, maybe

talk with my dear internet friends too.
I sit front of my computer, put headphones on my head and listen music or voice chat if game had some

activiteties going on while chain smoking all day.

That became all my life. I started to feel desperation and depression. Not sure what I really wanted.

Started to feel lonely, which I did not before feel. No online friend was able or willing to tell me

what I needed to hear.

I got to the point I did drink alcohol enough to get two days hangover, felt too depressed to even

smoke anymore. Alcohol is never the solution and the next three days I did drink psilocybin tea,

knowing the shrooms have helped me before.


Third day on shrooms:
I felt super depressed. I tried to talk to my online friend who was just ignoring me. I hoped I'd just

disappear. I felt I am bad at everything and every bad thing is my fault. I realised I don't actually

have real friends to rely on when I am doing bad. My whole world was falling apart.
I started to cry, which I wasn't able to do for at least past year. It was hard to get the tears.

After I cried enough I opened my eyes, and I saw at what fucking mess I am living. Smoked cigs

everywhere and I even hadn't smoked for 4 days.

BOOM!

I felt my identity had been crushed and I was freed from it, freed from all the bad thoughts and memories.
I felt peaceful. Good, calm. All was right, and what wasn't was gonna be someday.
I took headphones from my head and swapped music to speakers. It felt great, it all was not happening

inside my head anymore. I was here in this world.
I cleaned the mess, then I went to bathroom and cut my hair and went to shower. I felt totally

different person and it was amazing. Like I had just awoken from psychosis or something. I feel I am

actually living.



I can say shrooms have had very positive life changing effect on me.