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- Deshil Holles Eamus. Deshil Holles Eamus. Deshil Holles Eamus.
- Send us bright one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and wombfruit. Send
- us bright one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and wombfruit. Send us
- bright one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and wombfruit.
- Hoopsa boyaboy hoopsa! Hoopsa boyaboy hoopsa! Hoopsa boyaboy
- hoopsa!
- Universally that person's acumen is esteemed very little perceptive
- concerning whatsoever matters are being held as most profitably by mortals
- with sapience endowed to be studied who is ignorant of that which the most
- in doctrine erudite and certainly by reason of that in them high mind's
- ornament deserving of veneration constantly maintain when by general
- consent they affirm that other circumstances being equal by no exterior
- splendour is the prosperity of a nation more efficaciously asserted than by
- the measure of how far forward may have progressed the tribute of its
- solicitude for that proliferent continuance which of evils the original if it be
- absent when fortunately present constitutes the certain sign of omnipollent
- nature's incorrupted benefaction. For who is there who anything of some
- significance has apprehended but is conscious that that exterior splendour
- may be the surface of a downwardtending lutulent reality or on the
- contrary anyone so is there unilluminated as not to perceive that as no
- nature's boon can contend against the bounty of increase so it behoves
- every most just citizen to become the exhortator and admonisher of his
- semblables and to tremble lest what had in the past been by the nation
- excellently commenced might be in the future not with similar excellence
- accomplished if an inverecund habit shall have gradually traduced the
- honourable by ancestors transmitted customs to that thither of profundity
- that that one was audacious excessively who would have the hardihood to
- rise affirming that no more odious offence can for anyone be than to
- oblivious neglect to consign that evangel simultaneously command and
- promise which on all mortals with prophecy of abundance or with
- diminution's menace that exalted of reiteratedly procreating function ever
- irrevocably enjoined?
- It is not why therefore we shall wonder if, as the best historians relate,
- among the Celts, who nothing that was not in its nature admirable admired,
- the art of medicine shall have been highly honoured. Not to speak of
- hostels, leperyards, sweating chambers, plaguegraves, their greatest doctors,
- the O'Shiels, the O'Hickeys, the O'Lees, have sedulously set down the
- divers methods by which the sick and the relapsed found again health
- whether the malady had been the trembling withering or loose boyconnell
- flux. Certainly in every public work which in it anything of gravity contains
- preparation should be with importance commensurate and therefore a plan
- was by them adopted (whether by having preconsidered or as the
- maturation of experience it is difficult in being said which the discrepant
- opinions of subsequent inquirers are not up to the present congrued to
- render manifest) whereby maternity was so far from all accident possibility
- removed that whatever care the patient in that allhardest of woman hour
- chiefly required and not solely for the copiously opulent but also for her
- who not being sufficiently moneyed scarcely and often not even scarcely
- could subsist valiantly and for an inconsiderable emolument was provided.
- To her nothing already then and thenceforward was anyway able to
- be molestful for this chiefly felt all citizens except with proliferent mothers
- prosperity at all not to can be and as they had received eternity gods
- mortals generation to befit them her beholding, when the case was so
- hoving itself, parturient in vehicle thereward carrying desire immense
- among all one another was impelling on of her to be received into that
- domicile. O thing of prudent nation not merely in being seen but also even
- in being related worthy of being praised that they her by anticipation went
- seeing mother, that she by them suddenly to be about to be cherished had
- been begun she felt!
- Before born bliss babe had. Within womb won he worship. Whatever
- in that one case done commodiously done was. A couch by midwives
- attended with wholesome food reposeful, cleanest swaddles as though
- forthbringing were now done and by wise foresight set: but to this no less
- of what drugs there is need and surgical implements which are pertaining to
- her case not omitting aspect of all very distracting spectacles in various
- latitudes by our terrestrial orb offered together with images, divine and
- human, the cogitation of which by sejunct females is to tumescence
- conducive or eases issue in the high sunbright wellbuilt fair home of
- mothers when, ostensibly far gone and reproductitive, it is come by her
- thereto to lie in, her term up.
- Some man that wayfaring was stood by housedoor at night's
- oncoming. Of Israel's folk was that man that on earth wandering far had
- fared. Stark ruth of man his errand that him lone led till that house.
- Of that house A. Horne is lord. Seventy beds keeps he there teeming
- mothers are wont that they lie for to thole and bring forth bairns hale so
- God's angel to Mary quoth. Watchers tway there walk, white sisters in
- ward sleepless. Smarts they still, sickness soothing: in twelve moons thrice
- an hundred. Truest bedthanes they twain are, for Horne holding wariest
- ward.
- In ward wary the watcher hearing come that man mildhearted eft
- rising with swire ywimpled to him her gate wide undid. Lo, levin leaping
- lightens in eyeblink Ireland's westward welkin. Full she drad that God the
- Wreaker all mankind would fordo with water for his evil sins. Christ's rood
- made she on breastbone and him drew that he would rathe infare under her
- thatch. That man her will wotting worthful went in Horne's house.
- Loth to irk in Horne's hall hat holding the seeker stood. On her stow
- he ere was living with dear wife and lovesome daughter that then over land
- and seafloor nine years had long outwandered. Once her in townhithe
- meeting he to her bow had not doffed. Her to forgive now he craved with
- good ground of her allowed that that of him swiftseen face, hers, so young
- then had looked. Light swift her eyes kindled, bloom of blushes his word
- winning.
- As her eyes then ongot his weeds swart therefor sorrow she feared.
- Glad after she was that ere adread was. Her he asked if O'Hare Doctor
- tidings sent from far coast and she with grameful sigh him answered that
- O'Hare Doctor in heaven was. Sad was the man that word to hear that him
- so heavied in bowels ruthful. All she there told him, ruing death for friend
- so young, algate sore unwilling God's rightwiseness to withsay. She said
- that he had a fair sweet death through God His goodness with masspriest to
- be shriven, holy housel and sick men's oil to his limbs. The man then right
- earnest asked the nun of which death the dead man was died and the nun
- answered him and said that he was died in Mona Island through bellycrab
- three year agone come Childermas and she prayed to God the Allruthful to
- have his dear soul in his undeathliness. He heard her sad words, in held hat
- sad staring. So stood they there both awhile in wanhope sorrowing one
- with other.
- Therefore, everyman, look to that last end that is thy death and the
- dust that gripeth on every man that is born of woman for as he came naked
- forth from his mother's womb so naked shall he wend him at the last for to
- go as he came.
- The man that was come in to the house then spoke to the
- nursingwoman and he asked her how it fared with the woman that lay there
- in childbed. The nursingwoman answered him and said that that woman
- was in throes now full three days and that it would be a hard birth unneth
- to bear but that now in a little it would be. She said thereto that she had
- seen many births of women but never was none so hard as was that
- woman's birth. Then she set it all forth to him for because she knew the
- man that time was had lived nigh that house. The man hearkened to her
- words for he felt with wonder women's woe in the travail that they have of
- motherhood and he wondered to look on her face that was a fair face for
- any man to see but yet was she left after long years a handmaid. Nine twelve
- bloodflows chiding her childless.
- And whiles they spake the door of the castle was opened and there
- nighed them a mickle noise as of many that sat there at meat. And there
- came against the place as they stood a young learningknight yclept Dixon.
- And the traveller Leopold was couth to him sithen it had happed that they
- had had ado each with other in the house of misericord where this
- learningknight lay by cause the traveller Leopold came there to be healed
- for he was sore wounded in his breast by a spear wherewith a horrible and
- dreadful dragon was smitten him for which he did do make a salve of
- volatile salt and chrism as much as he might suffice. And he said now that
- he should go in to that castle for to make merry with them that were there.
- And the traveller Leopold said that he should go otherwhither for he was a
- man of cautels and a subtile. Also the lady was of his avis and repreved the
- learningknight though she trowed well that the traveller had said thing that
- was false for his subtility. But the learningknight would not hear say nay
- nor do her mandement ne have him in aught contrarious to his list and he
- said how it was a marvellous castle. And the traveller Leopold went into the
- castle for to rest him for a space being sore of limb after many marches
- environing in divers lands and sometime venery.
- And in the castle was set a board that was of the birchwood of
- Finlandy and it was upheld by four dwarfmen of that country but they
- durst not move more for enchantment. And on this board were frightful
- swords and knives that are made in a great cavern by swinking demons out
- of white flames that they fix then in the horns of buffalos and stags that
- there abound marvellously. And there were vessels that are wrought by
- magic of Mahound out of seasand and the air by a warlock with his breath
- that he blases in to them like to bubbles. And full fair cheer and rich was on
- the board that no wight could devise a fuller ne richer. And there was a vat
- of silver that was moved by craft to open in the which lay strange fishes
- withouten heads though misbelieving men nie that this be possible thing
- without they see it natheless they are so. And these fishes lie in an oily water
- brought there from Portugal land because of the fatness that therein is like
- to the juices of the olivepress. And also it was a marvel to see in that castle
- how by magic they make a compost out of fecund wheatkidneys out of
- Chaldee that by aid of certain angry spirits that they do in to it swells up
- wondrously like to a vast mountain. And they teach the serpents there to
- entwine themselves up on long sticks out of the ground and of the scales of
- these serpents they brew out a brewage like to mead.
- And the learningknight let pour for childe Leopold a draught and
- halp thereto the while all they that were there drank every each. And childe
- Leopold did up his beaver for to pleasure him and took apertly somewhat in
- amity for he never drank no manner of mead which he then put by and
- anon full privily he voided the more part in his neighbour glass and his
- neighbour nist not of this wile. And he sat down in that castle with them for
- to rest him there awhile. Thanked be Almighty God.
- This meanwhile this good sister stood by the door and begged them at
- the reverence of Jesu our alther liege Lord to leave their wassailing for there
- was above one quick with child, a gentle dame, whose time hied fast. Sir
- Leopold heard on the upfloor cry on high and he wondered what cry that it
- was whether of child or woman and I marvel, said he, that it be not come or
- now. Meseems it dureth overlong. And he was ware and saw a franklin that
- hight Lenehan on that side the table that was older than any of the tother
- and for that they both were knights virtuous in the one emprise and eke by
- cause that he was elder he spoke to him full gently. But, said he, or it be
- long too she will bring forth by God His bounty and have joy of her
- childing for she hath waited marvellous long. And the franklin that had
- drunken said, Expecting each moment to be her next. Also he took the cup
- that stood tofore him for him needed never none asking nor desiring of him
- to drink and, Now drink, said he, fully delectably, and he quaffed as far as
- he might to their both's health for he was a passing good man of his
- lustiness. And sir Leopold that was the goodliest guest that ever sat in
- scholars' hall and that was the meekest man and the kindest that ever laid
- husbandly hand under hen and that was the very truest knight of the world
- one that ever did minion service to lady gentle pledged him courtly in the
- cup. Woman's woe with wonder pondering.
- Now let us speak of that fellowship that was there to the intent to be
- drunken an they might. There was a sort of scholars along either side the
- board, that is to wit, Dixon yclept junior of saint Mary Merciable's with
- other his fellows Lynch and Madden, scholars of medicine, and the franklin
- that hight Lenehan and one from Alba Longa, one Crotthers, and young
- Stephen that had mien of a frere that was at head of the board and Costello
- that men clepen Punch Costello all long of a mastery of him erewhile gested
- (and of all them, reserved young Stephen, he was the most drunken that
- demanded still of more mead) and beside the meek sir Leopold. But on
- young Malachi they waited for that he promised to have come and such as
- intended to no goodness said how he had broke his avow. And sir Leopold
- sat with them for he bore fast friendship to sir Simon and to this his son
- young Stephen and for that his languor becalmed him there after longest
- wanderings insomuch as they feasted him for that time in the honourablest
- manner. Ruth red him, love led on with will to wander, loth to leave.
- For they were right witty scholars. And he heard their aresouns each
- gen other as touching birth and righteousness, young Madden maintaining
- that put such case it were hard the wife to die (for so it had fallen out a
- matter of some year agone with a woman of Eblana in Horne's house that
- now was trespassed out of this world and the self night next before her
- death all leeches and pothecaries had taken counsel of her case). And they
- said farther she should live because in the beginning, they said, the woman
- should bring forth in pain and wherefore they that were of this imagination
- affirmed how young Madden had said truth for he had conscience to let her
- die. And not few and of these was young Lynch were in doubt that the
- world was now right evil governed as it was never other howbeit the mean
- people believed it otherwise but the law nor his judges did provide no
- remedy. A redress God grant. This was scant said but all cried with one
- acclaim nay, by our Virgin Mother, the wife should live and the babe to die.
- In colour whereof they waxed hot upon that head what with argument and
- what for their drinking but the franklin Lenehan was prompt each when to
- pour them ale so that at the least way mirth might not lack. Then young
- Madden showed all the whole affair and said how that she was dead and
- how for holy religion sake by rede of palmer and bedesman and for a vow
- he had made to Saint Ultan of Arbraccan her goodman husband would not
- let her death whereby they were all wondrous grieved. To whom young
- Stephen had these words following: Murmur, sirs, is eke oft among lay folk.
- Both babe and parent now glorify their Maker, the one in limbo gloom, the
- other in purgefire. But, gramercy, what of those Godpossibled souls that we
- nightly impossibilise, which is the sin against the Holy Ghost, Very God,
- Lord and Giver of Life? For, sirs, he said, our lust is brief. We are means to
- those small creatures within us and nature has other ends than we. Then
- said Dixon junior to Punch Costello wist he what ends. But he had
- overmuch drunken and the best word he could have of him was that he
- would ever dishonest a woman whoso she were or wife or maid or leman if
- it so fortuned him to be delivered of his spleen of lustihead. Whereat
- Crotthers of Alba Longa sang young Malachi's praise of that beast the
- unicorn how once in the millennium he cometh by his horn, the other all
- this while, pricked forward with their jibes wherewith they did malice him,
- witnessing all and several by saint Foutinus his engines that he was able to
- do any manner of thing that lay in man to do. Thereat laughed they all
- right jocundly only young Stephen and sir Leopold which never durst laugh
- too open by reason of a strange humour which he would not bewray and
- also for that he rued for her that bare whoso she might be or wheresoever.
- Then spake young Stephen orgulous of mother Church that would cast him
- out of her bosom, of law of canons, of Lilith, patron of abortions, of bigness
- wrought by wind of seeds of brightness or by potency of vampires mouth to
- mouth or, as Virgilius saith, by the influence of the occident or by the reek
- of moonflower or an she lie with a woman which her man has but lain with,
- effectu secuto, or peradventure in her bath according to the opinions of
- Averroes and Moses Maimonides. He said also how at the end of the second
- month a human soul was infused and how in all our holy mother foldeth
- ever souls for God's greater glory whereas that earthly mother which was
- but a dam to bear beastly should die by canon for so saith he that holdeth
- the fisherman's seal, even that blessed Peter on which rock was holy church
- for all ages founded. All they bachelors then asked of sir Leopold would he
- in like case so jeopard her person as risk life to save life. A wariness of mind
- he would answer as fitted all and, laying hand to jaw, he said dissembling,
- as his wont was, that as it was informed him, who had ever loved the art of
- physic as might a layman, and agreeing also with his experience of so
- seldomseen an accident it was good for that mother Church belike at one
- blow had birth and death pence and in such sort deliverly he scaped their
- questions. That is truth, pardy, said Dixon, and, or I err, a pregnant word.
- Which hearing young Stephen was a marvellous glad man and he averred
- that he who stealeth from the poor lendeth to the Lord for he was of a wild
- manner when he was drunken and that he was now in that taking it
- appeared eftsoons.
- But sir Leopold was passing grave maugre his word by cause he still
- had pity of the terrorcausing shrieking of shrill women in their labour and
- as he was minded of his good lady Marion that had borne him an only
- manchild which on his eleventh day on live had died and no man of art
- could save so dark is destiny. And she was wondrous stricken of heart for
- that evil hap and for his burial did him on a fair corselet of lamb's wool, the
- flower of the flock, lest he might perish utterly and lie akeled (for it was
- then about the midst of the winter) and now sir Leopold that had of his
- body no manchild for an heir looked upon him his friend's son and was
- shut up in sorrow for his forepassed happiness and as sad as he was that
- him failed a son of such gentle courage (for all accounted him of real parts)
- so grieved he also in no less measure for young Stephen for that he lived
- riotously with those wastrels and murdered his goods with whores.
- About that present time young Stephen filled all cups that stood empty
- so as there remained but little mo if the prudenter had not shadowed their
- approach from him that still plied it very busily who, praying for the
- intentions of the sovereign pontiff, he gave them for a pledge the vicar of
- Christ which also as he said is vicar of Bray. Now drink we, quod he, of
- this mazer and quaff ye this mead which is not indeed parcel of my body
- but my soul's bodiment. Leave ye fraction of bread to them that live by
- bread alone. Be not afeard neither for any want for this will comfort more
- than the other will dismay. See ye here. And he showed them glistering
- coins of the tribute and goldsmith notes the worth of two pound nineteen
- shilling that he had, he said, for a song which he writ. They all admired to
- see the foresaid riches in such dearth of money as was herebefore. His
- words were then these as followeth: Know all men, he said, time's ruins
- build eternity's mansions. What means this? Desire's wind blasts the
- thorntree but after it becomes from a bramblebush to be a rose upon the
- rood of time. Mark me now. In woman's womb word is made flesh but in
- the spirit of the maker all flesh that passes becomes the word that shall not
- pass away. This is the postcreation. Omnis caro ad te veniet. No question
- but her name is puissant who aventried the dear corse of our Agenbuyer,
- Healer and Herd, our mighty mother and mother most venerable and
- Bernardus saith aptly that She hath an omnipotentiam deiparae supplicem,
- that is to wit, an almightiness of petition because she is the second Eve and
- she won us, saith Augustine too, whereas that other, our grandam, which
- we are linked up with by successive anastomosis of navelcords sold us all,
- seed, breed and generation, for a penny pippin. But here is the matter now.
- Or she knew him, that second I say, and was but creature of her creature,
- vergine madre, figlia di tuo figlio, or she knew him not and then stands she
- in the one denial or ignorancy with Peter Piscator who lives in the house
- that Jack built and with Joseph the joiner patron of the happy demise of all
- unhappy marriages, parceque M. Léo Taxil nous a dit que qui l'avait mise
- dans cette fichue position c'était le sacré pigeon, ventre de Dieu! Entweder
- transubstantiality oder consubstantiality but in no case subsubstantiality.
- And all cried out upon it for a very scurvy word. A pregnancy without joy,
- he said, a birth without pangs, a body without blemish, a belly without
- bigness. Let the lewd with faith and fervour worship. With will will we
- withstand, withsay.
- Hereupon Punch Costello dinged with his fist upon the board and
- would sing a bawdy catch Staboo Stabella about a wench that was put in
- pod of a jolly swashbuckler in Almany which he did straightways now
- attack:
- —The first three months she was not well, Staboo,
- when here nurse Quigley from the door angerly bid them hist ye should
- shame you nor was it not meet as she remembered them being her mind was
- to have all orderly against lord Andrew came for because she was jealous
- that no gasteful turmoil might shorten the honour of her guard. It was an
- ancient and a sad matron of a sedate look and christian walking, in habit
- dun beseeming her megrims and wrinkled visage, nor did her hortative
- want of it effect for incontinently Punch Costello was of them all embraided
- and they reclaimed the churl with civil rudeness some and shaked him with
- menace of blandishments others whiles they all chode with him, a murrain
- seize the dolt, what a devil he would be at, thou chuff, thou puny, thou got
- in peasestraw, thou losel, thou chitterling, thou spawn of a rebel, thou
- dykedropt, thou abortion thou, to shut up his drunken drool out of that like
- a curse of God ape, the good sir Leopold that had for his cognisance the
- flower of quiet, margerain gentle, advising also the time's occasion as most
- sacred and most worthy to be most sacred. In Horne's house rest should
- reign.
- To be short this passage was scarce by when Master Dixon of Mary in
- Eccles, goodly grinning, asked young Stephen what was the reason why he
- had not cided to take friar's vows and he answered him obedience in the
- womb, chastity in the tomb but involuntary poverty all his days. Master
- Lenehan at this made return that he had heard of those nefarious deeds and
- how, as he heard hereof counted, he had besmirched the lily virtue of a
- confiding female which was corruption of minors and they all intershowed
- it too, waxing merry and toasting to his fathership. But he said very entirely
- it was clean contrary to their suppose for he was the eternal son and ever
- virgin. Thereat mirth grew in them the more and they rehearsed to him his
- curious rite of wedlock for the disrobing and deflowering of spouses, as the
- priests use in Madagascar island, she to be in guise of white and saffron, her
- groom in white and grain, with burning of nard and tapers, on a bridebed
- while clerks sung kyries and the anthem Ut novetur sexus omnis corporis
- mysterium till she was there unmaided. He gave them then a much
- admirable hymen minim by those delicate poets Master John Fletcher and
- Master Francis Beaumont that is in their Maid's Tragedy that was writ for a
- like twining of lovers: To bed, to bed was the burden of it to be played with
- accompanable concent upon the virginals. An exquisite dulcet epithalame of
- most mollificative suadency for juveniles amatory whom the odoriferous
- flambeaus of the paranymphs have escorted to the quadrupedal proscenium
- of connubial communion. Well met they were, said Master Dixon, joyed,
- but, harkee, young sir, better were they named Beau Mount and Lecher for,
- by my troth, of such a mingling much might come. Young Stephen said
- indeed to his best remembrance they had but the one doxy between them
- and she of the stews to make shift with in delights amorous for life ran very
- high in those days and the custom of the country approved with it. Greater
- love than this, he said, no man hath that a man lay down his wife for his
- friend. Go thou and do likewise. Thus, or words to that effect, saith
- Zarathustra, sometime regius professor of French letters to the university of
- Oxtail nor breathed there ever that man to whom mankind was more
- beholden. Bring a stranger within thy tower it will go hard but thou wilt
- have the secondbest bed. Orate, fratres, pro memetipso. And all the people
- shall say, Amen. Remember, Erin, thy generations and thy days of old, how
- thou settedst little by me and by my word and broughtedst in a stranger to
- my gates to commit fornication in my sight and to wax fat and kick like
- Jeshurum. Therefore hast thou sinned against my light and hast made me,
- thy lord, to be the slave of servants. Return, return, Clan Milly: forget me
- not, O Milesian. Why hast thou done this abomination before me that thou
- didst spurn me for a merchant of jalaps and didst deny me to the Roman
- and to the Indian of dark speech with whom thy daughters did lie
- luxuriously? Look forth now, my people, upon the land of behest, even
- from Horeb and from Nebo and from Pisgah and from the Horns of
- Hatten unto a land flowing with milk and money. But thou hast suckled me
- with a bitter milk: my moon and my sun thou hast quenched for ever. And
- thou hast left me alone for ever in the dark ways of my bitterness: and with
- a kiss of ashes hast thou kissed my mouth. This tenebrosity of the interior,
- he proceeded to say, hath not been illumined by the wit of the septuagint
- nor so much as mentioned for the Orient from on high Which brake hell's
- gates visited a darkness that was foraneous. Assuefaction minorates
- atrocities (as Tully saith of his darling Stoics) and Hamlet his father
- showeth the prince no blister of combustion. The adiaphane in the noon of
- life is an Egypt's plague which in the nights of prenativity and
- postmortemity is their most proper ubi and quomodo. And as the ends and
- ultimates of all things accord in some mean and measure with their
- inceptions and originals, that same multiplicit concordance which leads
- forth growth from birth accomplishing by a retrogressive metamorphosis
- that minishing and ablation towards the final which is agreeable unto
- nature so is it with our subsolar being. The aged sisters draw us into life: we
- wail, batten, sport, clip, clasp, sunder, dwindle, die: over us dead they bend.
- First, saved from waters of old Nile, among bulrushes, a bed of fasciated
- wattles: at last the cavity of a mountain, an occulted sepulchre amid the
- conclamation of the hillcat and the ossifrage. And as no man knows the
- ubicity of his tumulus nor to what processes we shall thereby be ushered
- nor whether to Tophet or to Edenville in the like way is all hidden when we
- would backward see from what region of remoteness the whatness of our
- whoness hath fetched his whenceness.
- Thereto Punch Costello roared out mainly Étienne chanson but he
- loudly bid them, lo, wisdom hath built herself a house, this vast majestic
- longstablished vault, the crystal palace of the Creator, all in applepie order,
- a penny for him who finds the pea.
- —Behold the mansion reared by dedal Jack
- See the malt stored in many a refluent sack
- In the proud cirque of Jackjohn's bivouac.
- black crack of noise in the street here, alack, bawled back. Loud on
- left Thor thundered: in anger awful the hammerhurler. Came now the
- storm that hist his heart. And Master Lynch bade him have a care to flout
- and witwanton as the god self was angered for his hellprate and paganry.
- And he that had erst challenged to be so doughty waxed wan as they might
- all mark and shrank together and his pitch that was before so haught uplift
- was now of a sudden quite plucked down and his heart shook within the
- cage of his breast as he tasted the rumour of that storm. Then did some
- mock and some jeer and Punch Costello fell hard again to his yale which
- Master Lenehan vowed he would do after and he was indeed but a word
- and a blow on any the least colour. But the braggart boaster cried that an
- old Nobodaddy was in his cups it was muchwhat indifferent and he would
- not lag behind his lead. But this was only to dye his desperation as cowed he
- crouched in Horne's hall. He drank indeed at one draught to pluck up a
- heart of any grace for it thundered long rumblingly over all the heavens so
- that Master Madden, being godly certain whiles, knocked him on his ribs
- upon that crack of doom and Master Bloom, at the braggart's side, spoke to
- him calming words to slumber his great fear, advertising how it was no
- other thing but a hubbub noise that he heard, the discharge of fluid from
- the thunderhead, look you, having taken place, and all of the order of a
- natural phenomenon.
- But was young Boasthard's fear vanquished by Calmer's words? No,
- for he had in his bosom a spike named Bitterness which could not by words
- be done away. And was he then neither calm like the one nor godly like the
- other? He was neither as much as he would have liked to be either. But
- could he not have endeavoured to have found again as in his youth the
- bottle Holiness that then he lived withal? Indeed no for Grace was not there
- to find that bottle. Heard he then in that clap the voice of the god
- Bringforth or, what Calmer said, a hubbub of Phenomenon? Heard? Why,
- he could not but hear unless he had plugged him up the tube Understanding
- (which he had not done). For through that tube he saw that he was in the
- land of Phenomenon where he must for a certain one day die as he was like
- the rest too a passing show. And would he not accept to die like the rest and
- pass away? By no means would he though he must nor would he make
- more shows according as men do with wives which Phenomenon has
- commanded them to do by the book Law. Then wotted he nought of that
- other land which is called Believe-on-Me, that is the land of promise which
- behoves to the king Delightful and shall be for ever where there is no death
- and no birth neither wiving nor mothering at which all shall come as many
- as believe on it? Yes, Pious had told him of that land and Chaste had
- pointed him to the way but the reason was that in the way he fell in with a
- certain whore of an eyepleasing exterior whose name, she said, is
- Bird-in-the-Hand and she beguiled him wrongways from the true path by
- her flatteries that she said to him as, Ho, you pretty man, turn aside hither
- and I will show you a brave place, and she lay at him so flatteringly that she
- had him in her grot which is named Two-in-the-Bush or, by some learned,
- Carnal Concupiscence.
- This was it what all that company that sat there at commons in Manse
- of Mothers the most lusted after and if they met with this whore
- Bird-in-the-Hand (which was within all foul plagues, monsters and a
- wicked devil) they would strain the last but they would make at her and
- know her. For regarding Believe-on-Me they said it was nought else but
- notion and they could conceive no thought of it for, first, Two-in-the-Bush
- whither she ticed them was the very goodliest grot and in it were four
- pillows on which were four tickets with these words printed on them,
- Pickaback and Topsyturvy and Shameface and Cheek by Jowl and, second,
- for that foul plague Allpox and the monsters they cared not for them for
- Preservative had given them a stout shield of oxengut and, third, that they
- might take no hurt neither from Offspring that was that wicked devil by
- virtue of this same shield which was named Killchild. So were they all in
- their blind fancy, Mr Cavil and Mr Sometimes Godly, Mr Ape Swillale, Mr
- False Franklin, Mr Dainty Dixon, Young Boasthard and Mr Cautious
- Calmer. Wherein, O wretched company, were ye all deceived for that was
- the voice of the god that was in a very grievous rage that he would presently
- lift his arm up and spill their souls for their abuses and their spillings done
- by them contrariwise to his word which forth to bring brenningly biddeth.
- So Thursday sixteenth June Patk. Dignam laid in clay of an apoplexy
- and after hard drought, please God, rained, a bargeman coming in by water
- a fifty mile or thereabout with turf saying the seed won't sprout, fields
- athirst, very sadcoloured and stunk mightily, the quags and tofts too. Hard
- to breathe and all the young quicks clean consumed without sprinkle this
- long while back as no man remembered to be without. The rosy buds all
- gone brown and spread out blobs and on the hills nought but dry flag and
- faggots that would catch at first fire. All the world saying, for aught they
- knew, the big wind of last February a year that did havoc the land so
- pitifully a small thing beside this barrenness. But by and by, as said, this
- evening after sundown, the wind sitting in the west, biggish swollen clouds
- to be seen as the night increased and the weatherwise poring up at them and
- some sheet lightnings at first and after, past ten of the clock, one great
- stroke with a long thunder and in a brace of shakes all scamper pellmell
- within door for the smoking shower, the men making shelter for their
- straws with a clout or kerchief, womenfolk skipping off with kirtles catched
- up soon as the pour came. In Ely place, Baggot street, Duke's lawn, thence
- through Merrion green up to Holles street a swash of water flowing that
- was before bonedry and not one chair or coach or fiacre seen about but no
- more crack after that first. Over against the Rt. Hon. Mr Justice
- Fitzgibbon's door (that is to sit with Mr Healy the lawyer upon the college
- lands) Mal. Mulligan a gentleman's gentleman that had but come from Mr
- Moore's the writer's (that was a papish but is now, folk say, a good
- Williamite) chanced against Alec. Bannon in a cut bob (which are now in
- with dance cloaks of Kendal green) that was new got to town from
- Mullingar with the stage where his coz and Mal M's brother will stay a
- month yet till Saint Swithin and asks what in the earth he does there, he
- bound home and he to Andrew Horne's being stayed for to crush a cup of
- wine, so he said, but would tell him of a skittish heifer, big of her age and
- beef to the heel, and all this while poured with rain and so both together on
- to Horne's. There Leop. Bloom of Crawford's journal sitting snug with a
- covey of wags, likely brangling fellows, Dixon jun., scholar of my lady of
- Mercy's, Vin. Lynch, a Scots fellow, Will. Madden, T. Lenehan, very sad
- about a racer he fancied and Stephen D. Leop. Bloom there for a languor
- he had but was now better, be having dreamed tonight a strange fancy of
- his dame Mrs Moll with red slippers on in a pair of Turkey trunks which is
- thought by those in ken to be for a change and Mistress Purefoy there, that
- got in through pleading her belly, and now on the stools, poor body, two
- days past her term, the midwives sore put to it and can't deliver, she queasy
- for a bowl of riceslop that is a shrewd drier up of the insides and her breath
- very heavy more than good and should be a bullyboy from the knocks, they
- say, but God give her soon issue. 'Tis her ninth chick to live, I hear, and
- Lady day bit off her last chick's nails that was then a twelvemonth and with
- other three all breastfed that died written out in a fair hand in the king's
- bible. Her hub fifty odd and a methodist but takes the sacrament and is to
- be seen any fair sabbath with a pair of his boys off Bullock harbour
- dapping on the sound with a heavybraked reel or in a punt he has trailing
- for flounder and pollock and catches a fine bag, I hear. In sum an infinite
- great fall of rain and all refreshed and will much increase the harvest yet
- those in ken say after wind and water fire shall come for a prognostication
- of Malachi's almanac (and I hear that Mr Russell has done a prophetical
- charm of the same gist out of the Hindustanish for his farmer's gazette) to
- have three things in all but this a mere fetch without bottom of reason for
- old crones and bairns yet sometimes they are found in the right guess with
- their queerities no telling how.
- With this came up Lenehan to the feet of the table to say how the
- letter was in that night's gazette and he made a show to find it about him
- (for he swore with an oath that he had been at pains about it) but on
- Stephen's persuasion he gave over the search and was bidden to sit near by
- which he did mighty brisk. He was a kind of sport gentleman that went for
- a merryandrew or honest pickle and what belonged of women, horseflesh
- or hot scandal he had it pat. To tell the truth he was mean in fortunes and
- for the most part hankered about the coffeehouses and low taverns with
- crimps, ostlers, bookies, Paul's men, runners, flatcaps, waistcoateers, ladies
- of the bagnio and other rogues of the game or with a chanceable catchpole
- or a tipstaff often at nights till broad day of whom he picked up between his
- sackpossets much loose gossip. He took his ordinary at a boilingcook's and
- if he had but gotten into him a mess of broken victuals or a platter of tripes
- with a bare tester in his purse he could always bring himself off with his
- tongue, some randy quip he had from a punk or whatnot that every
- mother's son of them would burst their sides. The other, Costello that is,
- hearing this talk asked was it poetry or a tale. Faith, no, he says, Frank
- (that was his name), 'tis all about Kerry cows that are to be butchered along
- of the plague. But they can go hang, says he with a wink, for me with their
- bully beef, a pox on it. There's as good fish in this tin as ever came out of it
- and very friendly he offered to take of some salty sprats that stood by which
- he had eyed wishly in the meantime and found the place which was indeed
- the chief design of his embassy as he was sharpset. Mort aux vaches, says
- Frank then in the French language that had been indentured to a
- brandyshipper that has a winelodge in Bordeaux and he spoke French like a
- gentleman too. From a child this Frank had been a donought that his
- father, a headborough, who could ill keep him to school to learn his letters
- and the use of the globes, matriculated at the university to study the
- mechanics but he took the bit between his teeth like a raw colt and was
- more familiar with the justiciary and the parish beadle than with his
- volumes. One time he would be a playactor, then a sutler or a welsher, then
- nought would keep him from the bearpit and the cocking main, then he was
- for the ocean sea or to hoof it on the roads with the romany folk,
- kidnapping a squire's heir by favour of moonlight or fecking maids' linen
- or choking chicken behind a hedge. He had been off as many times as a cat
- has lives and back again with naked pockets as many more to his father the
- headborough who shed a pint of tears as often as he saw him. What, says
- Mr Leopold with his hands across, that was earnest to know the drift of it,
- will they slaughter all? I protest I saw them but this,day morning going to
- the Liverpool boats, says he. I can scarce believe 'tis so bad, says he. And he
- had experience of the like brood beasts and of springers, greasy hoggets
- and wether wool, having been some years before actuary for Mr Joseph
- Cuffe, a worthy salesmaster that drove his trade for live stock and meadow
- auctions hard by Mr Gavin Low's yard in Prussia street. I question with
- you there, says he. More like 'tis the hoose or the timber tongue. Mr
- Stephen, a little moved but very handsomely told him no such matter and
- that he had dispatches from the emperor's chief tailtickler thanking him for
- the hospitality, that was sending over Doctor Rinderpest, the bestquoted
- cowcatcher in all Muscovy, with a bolus or two of physic to take the bull by
- the horns. Come, come, says Mr Vincent, plain dealing. He'll find himself
- on the horns of a dilemma if he meddles with a bull that's Irish, says he.
- Irish by name and irish by nature, says Mr Stephen, and he sent the ale
- purling about, an Irish bull in an English chinashop. I conceive you, says
- Mr Dixon. It is that same bull that was sent to our island by farmer
- Nicholas, the bravest cattlebreeder of them all, with an emerald ring in his
- nose. True for you, says Mr Vincent cross the table, and a bullseye into the
- bargain, says he, and a plumper and a portlier bull, says he, never shit on
- shamrock. He had horns galore, a coat of cloth of gold and a sweet smoky
- breath coming out of his nostrils so that the women of our island, leaving
- doughballs and rollingpins, followed after him hanging his bulliness in
- daisychains. What for that, says Mr Dixon, but before he came over farmer
- Nicholas that was a eunuch had him properly gelded by a college of doctors
- who were no better off than himself. So be off now, says he, and do all my
- cousin german the lord Harry tells you and take a farmer's blessing, and
- with that he slapped his posteriors very soundly. But the slap and the
- blessing stood him friend, says Mr Vincent, for to make up he taught him a
- trick worth two of the other so that maid, wife, abbess and widow to this
- day affirm that they would rather any time of the month whisper in his ear
- in the dark of a cowhouse or get a lick on the nape from his long holy
- tongue than lie with the finest strapping young ravisher in the four fields of
- all Ireland. Another then put in his word: And they dressed him, says he, in
- a point shift and petticoat with a tippet and girdle and ruffles on his wrists
- and clipped his forelock and rubbed him all over with spermacetic oil and
- built stables for him at every turn of the road with a gold manger in each
- full of the best hay in the market so that he could doss and dung to his
- heart's content. By this time the father of the faithful (for so they called
- him) was grown so heavy that he could scarce walk to pasture. To remedy
- which our cozening dames and damsels brought him his fodder in their
- apronlaps and as soon as his belly was full he would rear up on his hind
- quarters to show their ladyships a mystery and roar and bellow out of him
- in bulls' language and they all after him. Ay, says another, and so pampered
- was he that he would suffer nought to grow in all the land but green grass
- for himself (for that was the only colour to his mind) and there was a board
- put up on a hillock in the middle of the island with a printed notice, saying:
- By the Lord Harry, Green is the grass that grows on the ground. And, says
- Mr Dixon, if ever he got scent of a cattleraider in Roscommon or the wilds
- of Connemara or a husbandman in Sligo that was sowing as much as a
- handful of mustard or a bag of rapeseed out he'd run amok over half the
- countryside rooting up with his horns whatever was planted and all by lord
- Harry's orders. There was bad blood between them at first, says Mr
- Vincent, and the lord Harry called farmer Nicholas all the old Nicks in the
- world and an old whoremaster that kept seven trulls in his house and I'll
- meddle in his matters, says he. I'll make that animal smell hell, says he, with
- the help of that good pizzle my father left me. But one evening, says Mr
- Dixon, when the lord Harry was cleaning his royal pelt to go to dinner
- after winning a boatrace (he had spade oars for himself but the first rule of
- the course was that the others were to row with pitchforks) he discovered in
- himself a wonderful likeness to a bull and on picking up a blackthumbed
- chapbook that he kept in the pantry he found sure enough that he was a
- lefthanded descendant of the famous champion bull of the Romans, Bos
- Bovum, which is good bog Latin for boss of the show. After that, says Mr
- Vincent, the lord Harry put his head into a cow's drinkingtrough in the
- presence of all his courtiers and pulling it out again told them all his new
- name. Then, with the water running off him, he got into an old smock and
- skirt that had belonged to his grandmother and bought a grammar of the
- bulls' language to study but he could never learn a word of it except the
- first personal pronoun which he copied out big and got off by heart and if
- ever he went out for a walk he filled his pockets with chalk to write it upon
- what took his fancy, the side of a rock or a teahouse table or a bale of
- cotton or a corkfloat. In short, he and the bull of Ireland were soon as fast
- friends as an arse and a shirt. They were, says Mr Stephen, and the end was
- that the men of the island seeing no help was toward, as the ungrate women
- were all of one mind, made a wherry raft, loaded themselves and their
- bundles of chattels on shipboard, set all masts erect, manned the yards,
- sprang their luff, heaved to, spread three sheets in the wind, put her head
- between wind and water, weighed anchor, ported her helm, ran up the jolly
- Roger, gave three times three, let the bullgine run, pushed off in their
- bumboat and put to sea to recover the main of America. Which was the
- occasion, says Mr Vincent, of the composing by a boatswain of that
- rollicking chanty:
- —Pope Peter's but a pissabed.
- man's a man for a' that.
- Our worthy acquaintance Mr Malachi Mulligan now appeared in the
- doorway as the students were finishing their apologue accompanied with a
- friend whom he had just rencountered, a young gentleman, his name Alec
- Bannon, who had late come to town, it being his intention to buy a colour
- or a cornetcy in the fencibles and list for the wars. Mr Mulligan was civil
- enough to express some relish of it all the more as it jumped with a project
- of his own for the cure of the very evil that had been touched on. Whereat
- he handed round to the company a set of pasteboard cards which he had
- had printed that day at Mr Quinnell's bearing a legend printed in fair
- italics: Mr Malachi Mulligan. Fertiliser and Incubator. Lambay Island. His
- project, as he went on to expound, was to withdraw from the round of idle
- pleasures such as form the chief business of sir Fopling Popinjay and sir
- Milksop Quidnunc in town and to devote himself to the noblest task for
- which our bodily organism has been framed. Well, let us hear of it, good my
- friend, said Mr Dixon. I make no doubt it smacks of wenching. Come, be
- seated, both. 'Tis as cheap sitting as standing. Mr Mulligan accepted of the
- invitation and, expatiating upon his design, told his hearers that he had
- been led into this thought by a consideration of the causes of sterility, both
- the inhibitory and the prohibitory, whether the inhibition in its turn were
- due to conjugal vexations or to a parsimony of the balance as well as
- whether the prohibition proceeded from defects congenital or from
- proclivities acquired. It grieved him plaguily, he said, to see the nuptial
- couch defrauded of its dearest pledges: and to reflect upon so many
- agreeable females with rich jointures, a prey to the vilest bonzes, who hide
- their flambeau under a bushel in an uncongenial cloister or lose their
- womanly bloom in the embraces of some unaccountable muskin when they
- might multiply the inlets of happiness, sacrificing the inestimable jewel of
- their sex when a hundred pretty fellows were at hand to caress, this, he
- assured them, made his heart weep. To curb this inconvenient (which he
- concluded due to a suppression of latent heat), having advised with certain
- counsellors of worth and inspected into this matter, he had resolved to
- purchase in fee simple for ever the freehold of Lambay island from its
- holder, lord Talbot de Malahide, a Tory gentleman of note much in favour
- with our ascendancy party. He proposed to set up there a national
- fertilising farm to be named Omphalos with an obelisk hewn and erected
- after the fashion of Egypt and to offer his dutiful yeoman services for the
- fecundation of any female of what grade of life soever who should there
- direct to him with the desire of fulfilling the functions of her natural.
- Money was no object, he said, nor would he take a penny for his pains. The
- poorest kitchenwench no less than the opulent lady of fashion, if so be their
- constructions and their tempers were warm persuaders for their petitions,
- would find in him their man. For his nutriment he shewed how he would
- feed himself exclusively upon a diet of savoury tubercles and fish and
- coneys there, the flesh of these latter prolific rodents being highly
- recommended for his purpose, both broiled and stewed with a blade of
- mace and a pod or two of capsicum chillies. After this homily which he
- delivered with much warmth of asseveration Mr Mulligan in a trice put off
- from his hat a kerchief with which he had shielded it. They both, it seems,
- had been overtaken by the rain and for all their mending their pace had
- taken water, as might be observed by Mr Mulligan's smallclothes of a
- hodden grey which was now somewhat piebald. His project meanwhile was
- very favourably entertained by his auditors and won hearty eulogies from
- all though Mr Dixon of Mary's excepted to it, asking with a finicking air
- did he purpose also to carry coals to Newcastle. Mr Mulligan however
- made court to the scholarly by an apt quotation from the classics which, as
- it dwelt upon his memory, seemed to him a sound and tasteful support of
- his contention: Talis ac tanta depravatio hujus seculi, O quirites, ut
- matresfamiliarum nostrae lascivas cujuslibet semiviri libici titillationes
- testibus ponderosis atque excelsis erectionibus centurionum Romanorum
- magnopere anteponunt, while for those of ruder wit he drove home his
- point by analogies of the animal kingdom more suitable to their stomach,
- the buck and doe of the forest glade, the farmyard drake and duck.
- Valuing himself not a little upon his elegance, being indeed a proper
- man of person, this talkative now applied himself to his dress with
- animadversions of some heat upon the sudden whimsy of the atmospherics
- while the company lavished their encomiums upon the project he had
- advanced. The young gentleman, his friend, overjoyed as he was at a
- passage that had late befallen him, could not forbear to tell it his nearest
- neighbour. Mr Mulligan, now perceiving the table, asked for whom were
- those loaves and fishes and, seeing the stranger, he made him a civil bow
- and said, Pray, sir, was you in need of any professional assistance we could
- give? Who, upon his offer, thanked him very heartily, though preserving his
- proper distance, and replied that he was come there about a lady, now an
- inmate of Horne's house, that was in an interesting condition, poor body,
- from woman's woe (and here he fetched a deep sigh) to know if her
- happiness had yet taken place. Mr Dixon, to turn the table, took on to ask
- of Mr Mulligan himself whether his incipient ventripotence, upon which he
- rallied him, betokened an ovoblastic gestation in the prostatic utricle or
- male womb or was due, as with the noted physician, Mr Austin Meldon, to
- a wolf in the stomach. For answer Mr Mulligan, in a gale of laughter at his
- smalls, smote himself bravely below the diaphragm, exclaiming with an
- admirable droll mimic of Mother Grogan (the most excellent creature of
- her sex though 'tis pity she's a trollop): There's a belly that never bore a
- bastard. This was so happy a conceit that it renewed the storm of mirth and
- threw the whole room into the most violent agitations of delight. The spry
- rattle had run on in the same vein of mimicry but for some larum in the
- antechamber.
- Here the listener who was none other than the Scotch student, a little
- fume of a fellow, blond as tow, congratulated in the liveliest fashion with
- the young gentleman and, interrupting the narrative at a salient point,
- having desired his visavis with a polite beck to have the obligingness to pass
- him a flagon of cordial waters at the same time by a questioning poise of the
- head (a whole century of polite breeding had not achieved so nice a gesture)
- to which was united an equivalent but contrary balance of the bottle asked
- the narrator as plainly as was ever done in words if he might treat him with
- a cup of it. Mais bien sûr, noble stranger, said he cheerily, et mille
- compliments. That you may and very opportunely. There wanted nothing
- but this cup to crown my felicity. But, gracious heaven, was I left with but a
- crust in my wallet and a cupful of water from the well, my God, I would
- accept of them and find it in my heart to kneel down upon the ground and
- give thanks to the powers above for the happiness vouchsafed me by the
- Giver of good things. With these words he approached the goblet to his lips,
- took a complacent draught of the cordial, slicked his hair and, opening his
- bosom, out popped a locket that hung from a silk riband, that very picture
- which he had cherished ever since her hand had wrote therein. Gazing
- upon those features with a world of tenderness, Ah, Monsieur, he said, had
- you but beheld her as I did with these eyes at that affecting instant with her
- dainty tucker and her new coquette cap (a gift for her feastday as she told
- me prettily) in such an artless disorder, of so melting a tenderness, 'pon my
- conscience, even you, Monsieur, had been impelled by generous nature to
- deliver yourself wholly into the hands of such an enemy or to quit the field
- for ever. I declare, I was never so touched in all my life. God, I thank thee,
- as the Author of my days! Thrice happy will he be whom so amiable a
- creature will bless with her favours. A sigh of affection gave eloquence to
- these words and, having replaced the locket in his bosom, he wiped his eye
- and sighed again. Beneficent Disseminator of blessings to all Thy creatures,
- how great and universal must be that sweetest of Thy tyrannies which can
- hold in thrall the free and the bond, the simple swain and the polished
- coxcomb, the lover in the heyday of reckless passion and the husband of
- maturer years. But indeed, sir, I wander from the point. How mingled and
- imperfect are all our sublunary joys. Maledicity! he exclaimed in anguish.
- Would to God that foresight had but remembered me to take my cloak
- along! I could weep to think of it. Then, though it had poured seven
- showers, we were neither of us a penny the worse. But beshrew me, he
- cried, clapping hand to his forehead, tomorrow will be a new day and,
- thousand thunders, I know of a marchand de capotes, Monsieur Poyntz,
- from whom I can have for a livre as snug a cloak of the French fashion as
- ever kept a lady from wetting. Tut, tut! cries Le Fécondateur, tripping in,
- my friend Monsieur Moore, that most accomplished traveller (I have just
- cracked a half bottle avec lui in a circle of the best wits of the town),
- is my authority that in Cape Horn, ventre biche, they have a rain that will wet
- through any, even the stoutest cloak. A drenching of that violence, he tells
- me, sans blague, has sent more than one luckless fellow in good earnest
- posthaste to another world. Pooh! A livre! cries Monsieur Lynch. The
- clumsy things are dear at a sou. One umbrella, were it no bigger than a
- fairy mushroom, is worth ten such stopgaps. No woman of any wit would
- wear one. My dear Kitty told me today that she would dance in a deluge
- before ever she would starve in such an ark of salvation for, as she
- reminded me (blushing piquantly and whispering in my ear though there
- was none to snap her words but giddy butterflies), dame Nature, by the
- divine blessing, has implanted it in our hearts and it has become a
- household word that il y a deux choses for which the innocence of our
- original garb, in other circumstances a breach of the proprieties, is the
- fittest, nay, the only garment. The first, said she (and here my pretty
- philosopher, as I handed her to her tilbury, to fix my attention, gently
- tipped with her tongue the outer chamber of my ear), the first is a bath -
- But at this point a bell tinkling in the hall cut short a discourse which
- promised so bravely for the enrichment of our store of knowledge.
- mid the general vacant hilarity of the assembly a bell rang and,
- while all were conjecturing what might be the cause, Miss Callan entered
- and, having spoken a few words in a low tone to young Mr Dixon, retired
- with a profound bow to the company. The presence even for a moment
- among a party of debauchees of a woman endued with every quality of
- modesty and not less severe than beautiful refrained the humourous sallies
- even of the most licentious but her departure was the signal for an outbreak
- of ribaldry. Strike me silly, said Costello, a low fellow who was fuddled. A
- monstrous fine bit of cowflesh! I'll be sworn she has rendezvoused you.
- What, you dog? Have you a way with them? Gad's bud, immensely so, said
- Mr Lynch. The bedside manner it is that they use in the Mater hospice.
- Demme, does not Doctor O'Gargle chuck the nuns there under the chin. As
- I look to be saved I had it from my Kitty who has been wardmaid there any
- time these seven months. Lawksamercy, doctor, cried the young blood in
- the primrose vest, feigning a womanish simper and with immodest
- squirmings of his body, how you do tease a body! Drat the man! Bless me,
- I'm all of a wibbly wobbly. Why, you're as bad as dear little Father
- Cantekissem, that you are! May this pot of four half choke me, cried
- Costello, if she aint in the family way. I knows a lady what's got a white
- swelling quick as I claps eyes on her. The young surgeon, however, rose
- and begged the company to excuse his retreat as the nurse had just then
- informed him that he was needed in the ward. Merciful providence had
- been pleased to put a period to the sufferings of the lady who was enceinte
- which she had borne with a laudable fortitude and she had given birth to a
- bouncing boy. I want patience, said he, with those who, without wit to
- enliven or learning to instruct, revile an ennobling profession which, saving
- the reverence due to the Deity, is the greatest power for happiness upon the
- earth. I am positive when I say that if need were I could produce a cloud of
- witnesses to the excellence of her noble exercitations which, so far from
- being a byword, should be a glorious incentive in the human breast. I
- cannot away with them. What? Malign such an one, the amiable Miss
- Callan, who is the lustre of her own sex and the astonishment of ours? And
- at an instant the most momentous that can befall a puny child of clay?
- Perish the thought! I shudder to think of the future of a race where the
- seeds of such malice have been sown and where no right reverence is
- rendered to mother and maid in house of Horne. Having delivered himself
- of this rebuke he saluted those present on the by and repaired to the door. A
- murmur of approval arose from all and some were for ejecting the low
- soaker without more ado, a design which would have been effected nor
- would he have received more than his bare deserts had he not abridged his
- transgression by affirming with a horrid imprecation (for he swore a round
- hand) that he was as good a son of the true fold as ever drew breath. Stap
- my vitals, said he, them was always the sentiments of honest Frank Costello
- which I was bred up most particular to honour thy father and thy mother
- that had the best hand to a rolypoly or a hasty pudding as you ever see what
- I always looks back on with a loving heart.
- To revert to Mr Bloom who, after his first entry, had been conscious
- of some impudent mocks which he however had borne with as being the
- fruits of that age upon which it is commonly charged that it knows not pity.
- The young sparks, it is true, were as full of extravagancies as overgrown
- children: the words of their tumultuary discussions were difficultly
- understood and not often nice: their testiness and outrageous mots were
- such that his intellects resiled from: nor were they scrupulously sensible of
- the proprieties though their fund of strong animal spirits spoke in their
- behalf. But the word of Mr Costello was an unwelcome language for him
- for he nauseated the wretch that seemed to him a cropeared creature of a
- misshapen gibbosity, born out of wedlock and thrust like a crookback
- toothed and feet first into the world, which the dint of the surgeon's pliers
- in his skull lent indeed a colour to, so as to put him in thought of that
- missing link of creation's chain desiderated by the late ingenious Mr
- Darwin. It was now for more than the middle span of our allotted years
- that he had passed through the thousand vicissitudes of existence and, being
- of a wary ascendancy and self a man of rare forecast, he had enjoined his
- heart to repress all motions of a rising choler and, by intercepting them with
- the readiest precaution, foster within his breast that plenitude of sufferance
- which base minds jeer at, rash judgers scorn and all find tolerable and but
- tolerable. To those who create themselves wits at the cost of feminine
- delicacy (a habit of mind which he never did hold with) to them he would
- concede neither to bear the name nor to herit the tradition of a proper
- breeding: while for such that, having lost all forbearance, can lose no more,
- there remained the sharp antidote of experience to cause their insolency to
- beat a precipitate and inglorious retreat. Not but what he could feel with
- mettlesome youth which, caring nought for the mows of dotards or the
- gruntlings of the severe, is ever (as the chaste fancy of the Holy Writer
- expresses it) for eating of the tree forbid it yet not so far forth as to
- pretermit humanity upon any condition soever towards a gentlewoman
- when she was about her lawful occasions. To conclude, while from the
- sister's words he had reckoned upon a speedy delivery he was, however, it
- must be owned, not a little alleviated by the intelligence that the issue so
- auspicated after an ordeal of such duress now testified once more to the
- mercy as well as to the bounty of the Supreme Being.
- Accordingly he broke his mind to his neighbour, saying that, to
- express his notion of the thing, his opinion (who ought not perchance to
- express one) was that one must have a cold constitution and a frigid genius
- not to be rejoiced by this freshest news of the fruition of her confinement
- since she had been in such pain through no fault of hers. The dressy young
- blade said it was her husband's that put her in that expectation or at least it
- ought to be unless she were another Ephesian matron. I must acquaint you,
- said Mr Crotthers, clapping on the table so as to evoke a resonant comment
- of emphasis, old Glory Allelujurum was round again today, an elderly man
- with dundrearies, preferring through his nose a request to have word of
- Wilhelmina, my life, as he calls her. I bade him hold himself in readiness for
- that the event would burst anon. 'Slife, I'll be round with you. I cannot but
- extol the virile potency of the old bucko that could still knock another child
- out of her. All fell to praising of it, each after his own fashion, though the
- same young blade held with his former view that another than her conjugial
- had been the man in the gap, a clerk in orders, a linkboy (virtuous) or an
- itinerant vendor of articles needed in every household. Singular, communed
- the guest with himself, the wonderfully unequal faculty of metempsychosis
- possessed by them, that the puerperal dormitory and the dissecting theatre
- should be the seminaries of such frivolity, that the mere acquisition of
- academic titles should suffice to transform in a pinch of time these votaries
- of levity into exemplary practitioners of an art which most men anywise
- eminent have esteemed the noblest. But, he further added, it is mayhap to
- relieve the pentup feelings that in common oppress them for I have more
- than once observed that birds of a feather laugh together.
- But with what fitness, let it be asked of the noble lord, his patron, has
- this alien, whom the concession of a gracious prince has admitted to civic
- rights, constituted himself the lord paramount of our internal polity? Where
- is now that gratitude which loyalty should have counselled? During the
- recent war whenever the enemy had a temporary advantage with his
- granados did this traitor to his kind not seize that moment to discharge his
- piece against the empire of which he is a tenant at will while he trembled for
- the security of his four per cents? Has he forgotten this as he forgets all
- benefits received? Or is it that from being a deluder of others he has become
- at last his own dupe as he is, if report belie him not, his own and his only
- enjoyer? Far be it from candour to violate the bedchamber of a respectable
- lady, the daughter of a gallant major, or to cast the most distant reflections
- upon her virtue but if he challenges attention there (as it was indeed highly
- his interest not to have done) then be it so. Unhappy woman, she has been
- too long and too persistently denied her legitimate prerogative to listen to
- his objurgations with any other feeling than the derision of the desperate.
- He says this, a censor of morals, a very pelican in his piety, who did not
- scruple, oblivious of the ties of nature, to attempt illicit intercourse with a
- female domestic drawn from the lowest strata of society! Nay, had the
- hussy's scouringbrush not been her tutelary angel, it had gone with her as
- hard as with Hagar, the Egyptian! In the question of the grazing lands his
- peevish asperity is notorious and in Mr Cuffe's hearing brought upon him
- from an indignant rancher a scathing retort couched in terms as
- straightforward as they were bucolic. It ill becomes him to preach that
- gospel. Has he not nearer home a seedfield that lies fallow for the want of
- the ploughshare? A habit reprehensible at puberty is second nature and an
- opprobrium in middle life. If he must dispense his balm of Gilead in
- nostrums and apothegms of dubious taste to restore to health a generation
- of unfledged profligates let his practice consist better with the doctrines that
- now engross him. His marital breast is the repository of secrets which
- decorum is reluctant to adduce. The lewd suggestions of some faded beauty
- may console him for a consort neglected and debauched but this new
- exponent of morals and healer of ills is at his best an exotic tree which,
- when rooted in its native orient, throve and flourished and was abundant in
- balm but, transplanted to a clime more temperate, its roots have lost their
- quondam vigour while the stuff that comes away from it is stagnant, acid
- and inoperative.
- The news was imparted with a circumspection recalling the
- ceremonial usage of the Sublime Porte by the second female infirmarian to
- the junior medical officer in residence, who in his turn announced to the
- delegation that an heir had been born, When he had betaken himself to the
- women's apartment to assist at the prescribed ceremony of the afterbirth in
- the presence of the secretary of state for domestic affairs and the members
- of the privy council, silent in unanimous exhaustion and approbation the
- delegates, chafing under the length and solemnity of their vigil and hoping
- that the joyful occurrence would palliate a licence which the simultaneous
- absence of abigail and obstetrician rendered the easier, broke out at once
- into a strife of tongues. In vain the voice of Mr Canvasser Bloom was heard
- endeavouring to urge, to mollify, to refrain. The moment was too propitious
- for the display of that discursiveness which seemed the only bond of union
- among tempers so divergent. Every phase of the situation was successively
- eviscerated: the prenatal repugnance of uterine brothers, the Caesarean
- section, posthumity with respect to the father and, that rarer form, with
- respect to the mother, the fratricidal case known as the Childs Murder and
- rendered memorable by the impassioned plea of Mr Advocate Bushe which
- secured the acquittal of the wrongfully accused, the rights of primogeniture
- and king's bounty touching twins and triplets, miscarriages and
- infanticides, simulated or dissimulated, the acardiac foetus in foetu and
- aprosopia due to a congestion, the agnathia of certain chinless Chinamen
- (cited by Mr Candidate Mulligan) in consequence of defective reunion of
- the maxillary knobs along the medial line so that (as he said) one ear could
- hear what the other spoke, the benefits of anesthesia or twilight sleep, the
- prolongation of labour pains in advanced gravidancy by reason of pressure
- on the vein, the premature relentment of the amniotic fluid (as exemplified
- in the actual case) with consequent peril of sepsis to the matrix, artificial
- insemination by means of syringes, involution of the womb consequent
- upon the menopause, the problem of the perpetration of the species in the
- case of females impregnated by delinquent rape, that distressing manner of
- delivery called by the Brandenburghers Sturzgeburt, the recorded instances
- of multiseminal, twikindled and monstrous births conceived during the
- catamenic period or of consanguineous parents - in a word all the cases of
- human nativity which Aristotle has classified in his masterpiece with
- chromolithographic illustrations. The gravest problems of obstetrics and
- forensic medicine were examined with as much animation as the most
- popular beliefs on the state of pregnancy such as the forbidding to a gravid
- woman to step over a countrystile lest, by her movement, the navelcord
- should strangle her creature and the injunction upon her in the event of a
- yearning, ardently and ineffectually entertained, to place her hand against
- that part of her person which long usage has consecrated as the seat of
- castigation. The abnormalities of harelip, breastmole, supernumerary digits,
- negro's inkle, strawberry mark and portwine stain were alleged by one as a
- prima facie and natural hypothetical explanation of those swineheaded (the
- case of Madame Grissel Steevens was not forgotten) or doghaired infants
- occasionally born. The hypothesis of a plasmic memory, advanced by the
- Caledonian envoy and worthy of the metaphysical traditions of the land he
- stood for, envisaged in such cases an arrest of embryonic development at
- some stage antecedent to the human. An outlandish delegate sustained
- against both these views, with such heat as almost carried conviction, the
- theory of copulation between women and the males of brutes, his authority
- being his own avouchment in support of fables such as that of the Minotaur
- which the genius of the elegant Latin poet has handed down to us in the
- pages of his Metamorphoses. The impression made by his words was
- immediate but shortlived. It was effaced as easily as it had been evoked by
- an allocution from Mr Candidate Mulligan in that vein of pleasantry which
- none better than he knew how to affect, postulating as the supremest object
- of desire a nice clean old man. Contemporaneously, a heated argument
- having arisen between Mr Delegate Madden and Mr Candidate Lynch
- regarding the juridical and theological dilemma created in the event of one
- Siamese twin predeceasing the other, the difficulty by mutual consent was
- referred to Mr Canvasser Bloom for instant submittal to Mr Coadjutor
- Deacon Dedalus. Hitherto silent, whether the better to show by
- preternatural gravity that curious dignity of the garb with which he was
- invested or in obedience to an inward voice, he delivered briefly and, as
- some thought, perfunctorily the ecclesiastical ordinance forbidding man to
- put asunder what God has joined.
- But Malachias' tale began to freeze them with horror. He conjured up
- the scene before them. The secret panel beside the chimney slid back and in
- the recess appeared - Haines! Which of us did not feel his flesh creep! He
- had a portfolio full of Celtic literature in one hand, in the other a phial
- marked Poison. Surprise, horror, loathing were depicted on all faces while
- he eyed them with a ghostly grin. I anticipated some such reception, he
- began with an eldritch laugh, for which, it seems, history is to blame. Yes, it
- is true. I am the murderer of Samuel Childs. And how I am punished! The
- inferno has no terrors for me. This is the appearance is on me. Tare and
- ages, what way would I be resting at all, he muttered thickly, and I
- tramping Dublin this while back with my share of songs and himself after
- me the like of a soulth or a bullawurrus? My hell, and Ireland's, is in this
- life. It is what I tried to obliterate my crime. Distractions, rookshooting, the
- Erse language (he recited some), laudanum (he raised the phial to his lips),
- camping out. In vain! His spectre stalks me. Dope is my only hope .... Ah!
- Destruction! The black panther! With a cry he suddenly vanished and the
- panel slid back. An instant later his head appeared in the door opposite and
- said: Meet me at Westland Row station at ten past eleven. He was gone.
- Tears gushed from the eyes of the dissipated host. The seer raised his hand
- to heaven, murmuring: The vendetta of Mananaun! The sage repeated: Lex
- talionis. The sentimentalist is he who would enjoy without incurring the
- immense debtorship for a thing done. Malachias, overcome by emotion,
- ceased. The mystery was unveiled. Haines was the third brother. His real
- name was Childs. The black panther was himself the ghost of his own
- father. He drank drugs to obliterate. For this relief much thanks. The
- lonely house by the graveyard is uninhabited. No soul will live there. The
- spider pitches her web in the solitude. The nocturnal rat peers from his
- hole. A curse is on it. It is haunted. Murderer's ground.
- What is the age of the soul of man? As she hath the virtue of the
- chameleon to change her hue at every new approach, to be gay with the
- merry and mournful with the downcast, so too is her age changeable as her
- mood. No longer is Leopold, as he sits there, ruminating, chewing the cud
- of reminiscence, that staid agent of publicity and holder of a modest
- substance in the funds. A score of years are blown away. He is young
- Leopold. There, as in a retrospective arrangement, a mirror within a mirror
- (hey, presto!), he beholdeth himself. That young figure of then is seen,
- precociously manly, walking on a nipping morning from the old house in
- Clanbrassil street to the high school, his booksatchel on him bandolierwise,
- and in it a goodly hunk of wheaten loaf, a mother's thought. Or it is the
- same figure, a year or so gone over, in his first hard hat (ah, that was a
- day!), already on the road, a fullfledged traveller for the family firm,
- equipped with an orderbook, a scented handkerchief (not for show only),
- his case of bright trinketware (alas! a thing now of the past!) and a
- quiverful of compliant smiles for this or that halfwon housewife reckoning
- it out upon her fingertips or for a budding virgin, shyly acknowledging (but
- the heart? tell me!) his studied baisemoins. The scent, the smile, but, more
- than these, the dark eyes and oleaginous address, brought home at duskfall
- many a commission to the head of the firm, seated with Jacob's pipe after
- like labours in the paternal ingle (a meal of noodles, you may be sure, is
- aheating), reading through round horned spectacles some paper from the
- Europe of a month before. But hey, presto, the mirror is breathed on and
- the young knighterrant recedes, shrivels, dwindles to a tiny speck within the
- mist. Now he is himself paternal and these about him might be his sons.
- Who can say? The wise father knows his own child. He thinks of a
- drizz1ing night in Hatch street, hard by the bonded stores there, the first.
- Together (she is a poor waif, a child of shame, yours and mine and of all for
- a bare shilling and her luckpenny), together they hear the heavy tread of the
- watch as two raincaped shadows pass the new royal university. Bridie!
- Bridie Kelly! He will never forget the name, ever remember the night: first
- night, the bridenight. They are entwined in nethermost darkness, the willer
- with the willed, and in an instant (fiat!) light shall flood the world. Did
- heart leap to heart? Nay, fair reader. In a breath 'twas done but - hold!
- Back! It must not be! In terror the poor girl flees away through the murk.
- She is the bride of darkness, a daughter of night. She dare not bear the
- sunnygolden babe of day. No, Leopold. Name and memory solace thee not.
- That youthful illusion of thy strength was taken from thee - and in vain.
- No son of thy loins is by thee. There is none now to be for Leopold, what
- Leopold was for Rudolph.
- The voices blend and fuse in clouded silence: silence that is the
- infinite of space: and swiftly, silently the soul is wafted over regions of
- cycles of generations that have lived. A region where grey twilight ever
- descends, never falls on wide sagegreen pasturefields, shedding her dusk,
- scattering a perennial dew of stars. She follows her mother with ungainly
- steps, a mare leading her fillyfoal. Twilight phantoms are they, yet moulded
- in prophetic grace of structure, slim shapely haunches, a supple tendonous
- neck, the meek apprehensive skull. They fade, sad phantoms: all is gone.
- Agendath is a waste land, a home of screechowls and the sandblind upupa.
- Netaim, the golden, is no more. And on the highway of the clouds they
- come, muttering thunder of rebellion, the ghosts of beasts. Huuh! Hark!
- Huuh! Parallax stalks behind and goads them, the lancinating lightnings of
- whose brow are scorpions. Elk and yak, the bulls of Bashan and of
- Babylon, mammoth and mastodon, they come trooping to the sunken sea,
- Lacus Mortis. Ominous revengeful zodiacal host! They moan, passing upon
- the clouds, horned and capricorned, the trumpeted with the tusked, the
- lionmaned, the giantantlered, snouter and crawler, rodent, ruminant and
- pachyderm, all their moving moaning multitude, murderers of the sun.
- Onward to the dead sea they tramp to drink, unslaked and with
- horrible gulpings, the salt somnolent inexhaustible flood. And the equine
- portent grows again, magnified in the deserted heavens, nay to heaven's
- own magnitude, till it looms, vast, over the house of Virgo. And lo, wonder
- of metempsychosis, it is she, the everlasting bride, harbinger of the daystar,
- the bride, ever virgin. It is she, Martha, thou lost one, Millicent, the young,
- the dear, the radiant. How serene does she now arise, a queen among the
- Pleiades, in the penultimate antelucan hour, shod in sandals of bright gold,
- coifed with a veil of what do you call it gossamer. It floats, it flows about
- her starborn flesh and loose it streams, emerald, sapphire, mauve and
- heliotrope, sustained on currents of the cold interstellar wind, winding,
- coiling, simply swirling, writhing in the skies a mysterious writing till, after
- a myriad metamorphoses of symbol, it blazes, Alpha, a ruby and triangled
- sign upon the forehead of Taurus.
- Francis was reminding Stephen of years before when they had been at
- school together in Conmee's time. He asked about Glaucon, Alcibiades,
- Pisistratus. Where were they now? Neither knew. You have spoken of the
- past and its phantoms, Stephen said. Why think of them? If I call them into
- life across the waters of Lethe will not the poor ghosts troop to my call?
- Who supposes it? I, Bous Stephanoumenos, bullockbefriending bard, am
- lord and giver of their life. He encircled his gadding hair with a coronal of
- vineleaves, smiling at Vincent. That answer and those leaves, Vincent said
- to him, will adorn you more fitly when something more, and greatly more,
- than a capful of light odes can call your genius father. All who wish you
- well hope this for you. All desire to see you bring forth the work you
- meditate, to acclaim you Stephaneforos. I heartily wish you may not fail
- them. O no, Vincent, Lenehan said, laying a hand on the shoulder near him.
- Have no fear. He could not leave his mother an orphan. The young man's
- face grew dark. All could see how hard it was for him to be reminded of his
- promise and of his recent loss. He would have withdrawn from the feast
- had not the noise of voices allayed the smart. Madden had lost five
- drachmas on Sceptre for a whim of the rider's name: Lenehan as much
- more. He told them of the race. The flag fell and, huuh! off, scamper, the
- mare ran out freshly with 0. Madden up. She was leading the field. All
- hearts were beating. Even Phyllis could not contain herself. She waved her
- scarf and cried: Huzzah! Sceptre wins! But in the straight on the run home
- when all were in close order the dark horse Throwaway drew level,
- reached, outstripped her. All was lost now. Phyllis was silent: her eyes were
- sad anemones. Juno, she cried, I am undone. But her lover consoled her and
- brought her a bright casket of gold in which lay some oval sugarplums
- which she partook. A tear fell: one only. A whacking fine whip, said
- Lenehan, is W. Lane. Four winners yesterday and three today. What rider
- is like him? Mount him on the camel or the boisterous buffalo the victory in
- a hack canter is still his. But let us bear it as was the ancient wont. Mercy on
- the luckless! Poor Sceptre! he said with a light sigh. She is not the filly that
- she was. Never, by this hand, shall we behold such another. By gad, sir, a
- queen of them. Do you remember her, Vincent? I wish you could have seen
- my queen today, Vincent said. How young she was and radiant (Lalage
- were scarce fair beside her) in her yellow shoes and frock of muslin, I do
- not know the right name of it. The chestnuts that shaded us were in bloom:
- the air drooped with their persuasive odour and with pollen floating by us.
- In the sunny patches one might easily have cooked on a stone a batch of
- those buns with Corinth fruit in them that Periplipomenes sells in his booth
- near the bridge. But she had nought for her teeth but the arm with which I
- held her and in that she nibbled mischievously when I pressed too close. A
- week ago she lay ill, four days on the couch, but today she was free, blithe,
- mocked at peril. She is more taking then. Her posies tool Mad romp that
- she is, she had pulled her fill as we reclined together. And in your ear, my
- friend, you will not think who met us as we left the field. Conmee himself!
- He was walking by the hedge, reading, I think a brevier book with, I doubt
- not, a witty letter in it from Glycera or Chloe to keep the page. The sweet
- creature turned all colours in her confusion, feigning to reprove a slight
- disorder in her dress: a slip of underwood clung there for the very trees
- adore her. When Conmee had passed she glanced at her lovely echo in that
- little mirror she carries. But he had been kind. In going by he had blessed
- us. The gods too are ever kind, Lenehan said. If I had poor luck with Bass's
- mare perhaps this draught of his may serve me more propensely. He was
- laying his hand upon a winejar: Malachi saw it and withheld his act,
- pointing to the stranger and to the scarlet label. Warily, Malachi whispered,
- preserve a druid silence. His soul is far away. It is as painful perhaps to be
- awakened from a vision as to be born. Any object, intensely regarded, may
- be a gate of access to the incorruptible eon of the gods. Do you not think it,
- Stephen? Theosophos told me so, Stephen answered, whom in a previous
- existence Egyptian priests initiated into the mysteries of karmic law. The
- lords of the moon, Theosophos told me, an orangefiery shipload from
- planet Alpha of the lunar chain would not assume the etheric doubles and
- these were therefore incarnated by the rubycoloured egos from the second
- constellation.
- However, as a matter of fact though, the preposterous surmise about
- him being in some description of a doldrums or other or mesmerised which
- was. entirely due to a misconception of the shallowest character, was not the
- case at all. The individual whose visual organs while the above was going
- on were at this juncture commencing to exhibit symptoms of animation was
- as astute if not astuter than any man living and anybody that conjectured
- the contrary would have found themselves pretty speedily in the wrong
- shop. During the past four minutes or thereabouts he had been staring hard
- at a certain amount of number one Bass bottled by Messrs Bass and Co at
- Burton-on-Trent which happened to be situated amongst a lot of others
- right opposite to where he was and which was certainly calculated to attract
- anyone's remark on account of its scarlet appearance. He was simply and
- solely, as it subsequently transpired for reasons best known to himself,
- which put quite an altogether different complexion on the proceedings, after
- the moment before's observations about boyhood days and the turf,
- recollecting two or three private transactions of his own which the other
- two were as mutually innocent of as the babe unborn. Eventually, however,
- both their eyes met and as soon as it began to dawn on him that the other
- was endeavouring to help himself to the thing he involuntarily determined
- to help him himself and so he accordingly took hold of the neck of the
- mediumsized glass recipient which contained the fluid sought after and
- made a capacious hole in it by pouring a lot of it out with, also at the same
- time, however, a considerable degree of attentiveness in order not to upset
- any of the beer that was in it about the place.
- The debate which ensued was in its scope and progress an epitome of
- the course of life. Neither place nor council was lacking in dignity. The
- debaters were the keenest in the land, the theme they were engaged on the
- loftiest and most vital. The high hall of Horne's house had never beheld an
- assembly so representative and so varied nor had the old rafters of that
- establishment ever listened to a language so encyclopaedic. A gallant scene
- in truth it made. Crotthers was there at the foot of the table in his striking
- Highland garb, his face glowing from the briny airs of the Mull of
- Galloway. There too, opposite to him, was Lynch whose countenance bore
- already the stigmata of early depravity and premature wisdom. Next the
- Scotchman was the place assigned to Costello, the eccentric, while at his
- side was seated in stolid repose the squat form of Madden. The chair of the
- resident indeed stood vacant before the hearth but on either flank of it the
- figure of Bannon in explorer's kit of tweed shorts and salted cowhide
- brogues contrasted sharply with the primrose elegance and townbred
- manners of Malachi Roland St John Mulligan. Lastly at the head of the
- board was the young poet who found a refuge from his labours of
- pedagogy and metaphysical inquisition in the convivial atmosphere of
- Socratic discussion, while to right and left of him were accommodated the
- flippant prognosticator, fresh from the hippodrome, and that vigilant
- wanderer, soiled by the dust of travel and combat and stained by the mire of
- an indelible dishonour, but from whose steadfast and constant heart no lure
- or peril or threat or degradation could ever efface the image of that
- voluptuous loveliness which the inspired pencil of Lafayette has limned for
- ages yet to come.
- It had better be stated here and now at the outset that the perverted
- transcendentalism to which Mr S. Dedalus' (Div. Scep.) contentions would
- appear to prove him pretty badly addicted runs directly counter to accepted
- scientific methods. Science, it cannot be too often repeated, deals with
- tangible phenomena. The man of science like the man in the street has to
- face hardheaded facts that cannot be blinked and explain them as best he
- can. There may be, it is true, some questions which science cannot answer -
- at present - such as the first problem submitted by Mr L. Bloom (Pubb.
- Canv.) regarding the future determination of sex. Must we accept the view
- of Empedocles of Trinacria that the right ovary (the postmenstrual period,
- assert others) is responsible for the birth of males or are the too long
- neglected spermatozoa or nemasperms the differentiating factors or is it, as
- most embryologists incline to opine, such as Culpepper, Spallanzani,
- Blumenbach, Lusk, Hertwig, Leopold and Valenti, a mixture of both? This
- would be tantamount to a cooperation (one of nature's favourite devices)
- between the nisus formativus of the nemasperm on the one hand and on the
- other a happily chosen position, succubitus felix of the passive element. The
- other problem raised by the same inquirer is scarcely less vital: infant
- mortality. It is interesting because, as he pertinently remarks, we are all
- born in the same way but we all die in different ways. Mr M. Mulligan
- (Hyg. et Eug. Doc.) blames the sanitary conditions in which our
- greylunged citizens contract adenoids, pulmonary complaints etc. by
- inhaling the bacteria which lurk in dust. These factors, he alleged, and the
- revolting spectacles offered by our streets, hideous publicity posters,
- religious ministers of all denominations, mutilated soldiers and sailors,
- exposed scorbutic cardrivers, the suspended carcases of dead animals,
- paranoic bachelors and unfructified duennas - these, he said, were
- accountable for any and every fallingoff in the calibre of the race.
- Kalipedia, he prophesied, would soon be generally adopted and all the
- graces of life, genuinely good music, agreeable literature, light philosophy,
- instructive pictures, plastercast reproductions of the classical statues such as
- Venus and Apollo, artistic coloured photographs of prize babies, all these
- little attentions would enable ladies who were in a particular condition to
- pass the intervening months in a most enjoyable manner. Mr J. Crotthers
- (Disc. Bacc.) attributes some of these demises to abdominal trauma in the
- case of women workers subjected to heavy labours in the workshop and to
- marital discipline in the home but by far the vast majority to neglect, private
- or official, culminating in the exposure of newborn infants, the practice of
- criminal abortion or in the atrocious crime of infanticide. Although the
- former (we are thinking of neglect) is undoubtedly only too true the case he
- cites of nurses forgetting to count the sponges in the peritoneal cavity is too
- rare to be normative. In fact when one comes to look into it the wonder is
- that so many pregnancies and deliveries go off so well as they do, all things
- considered and in spite of our human shortcomings which often baulk
- nature in her intentions. An ingenious suggestion is that thrown out by Mr
- V. Lynch (Bacc. Arith.) that both natality and mortality, as well as all other
- phenomena of evolution, tidal movements, lunar phases, blood
- temperatures, diseases in general, everything, in fine, in nature's vast
- workshop from the extinction of some remote sun to the blossoming of one
- of the countless flowers which beautify our public parks is subject to a law
- of numeration as yet unascertained. Still the plain straightforward question
- why a child of normally healthy parents and seemingly a healthy child and
- properly looked after succumbs unaccountably in early childhood (though
- other children of the same marriage do not) must certainly, in the poet's
- words, give us pause. Nature, we may rest assured, has her own good and
- cogent reasons for whatever she does and in all probability such deaths are
- due to some law of anticipation by which organisms in which morbous
- germs have taken up their residence (modern science has conclusively
- shown that only the plasmic substance can be said to be immortal) tend to
- disappear at an increasingly earlier stage of development, an arrangement
- which, though productive of pain to some of our feelings (notably the
- maternal), is nevertheless, some of us think, in the long run beneficial to the
- race in general in securing thereby the survival of the fittest. Mr S. Dedalus'
- (Div. Scep.) remark (or should it be called an interruption?) that an
- omnivorous being which can masticate, deglute, digest and apparently pass
- through the ordinary channel with pluterperfect imperturbability such
- multifarious aliments as cancrenous females emaciated by parturition,
- corpulent professional gentlemen, not to speak of jaundiced politicians and
- chlorotic nuns, might possibly find gastric relief in an innocent collation of
- staggering bob, reveals as nought else could and in a very unsavoury light
- the tendency above alluded to. For the enlightenment of those who are not
- so intimately acquainted with the minutiae of the municipal abattoir as this
- morbidminded esthete and embryo philosopher who for all his overweening
- bumptiousness in things scientific can scarcely distinguish an acid from an
- alkali prides himself on being, it should perhaps be stated that staggering
- bob in the vile parlance of our lowerclass licensed victuallers signifies the
- cookable and eatable flesh of a calf newly dropped from its mother. In a
- recent public controversy with Mr L. Bloom (Pubb. Canv.) which took
- place in the commons' hall of the National Maternity Hospital, 29, 30 and
- 31 Holles street, of which, as is well known, Dr A. Horne (Lic. in Midw.,
- F. K. Q. C. P. I.) is the able and popular master, he is reported by
- eyewitnesses as having stated that once a woman has let the cat into the bag
- (an esthete's allusion, presumably, to one of the most complicated and
- marvellous of all nature's processes - the act of sexual congress) she must
- let it out again or give it life, as he phrased it, to save her own. At the risk of
- her own, was the telling rejoinder of his interlocutor, none the less effective
- for the moderate and measured tone in which it was delivered.
- Meanwhile the skill and patience of the physician had brought about
- a happy accouchement. It had been a weary weary while both for patient
- and doctor. All that surgical skill could do was done and the brave woman
- had manfully helped. She had. She had fought the good fight and now she
- was very very happy. Those who have passed on, who have gone before, are
- happy too as they gaze down and smile upon the touching scene. Reverently
- look at her as she reclines there with the motherlight in her eyes, that
- longing hunger for baby fingers (a pretty sight it is to see), in the first bloom
- of her new motherhood, breathing a silent prayer of thanksgiving to One
- above, the Universal Husband. And as her loving eyes behold her babe she
- wishes only one blessing more, to have her dear Doady there with her to
- share her joy, to lay in his arms that mite of God's clay, the fruit of their
- lawful embraces. He is older now (you and I may whisper it) and a trifle
- stooped in the shoulders yet in the whirligig of years a grave dignity has
- come to the conscientious second accountant of the Ulster bank, College
- Green branch. O Doady, loved one of old, faithful lifemate now, it may
- never be again, that faroff time of the roses! With the old shake of her
- pretty head she recalls those days. God! How beautiful now across the mist
- of years! But their children are grouped in her imagination about the
- bedside, hers and his, Charley, Mary Alice, Frederick Albert (if he had
- lived), Mamy, Budgy (Victoria Frances), Tom, Violet Constance Louisa,
- darling little Bobsy (called after our famous hero of the South African war,
- lord Bobs of Waterford and Candahar) and now this last pledge of their
- union, a Purefoy if ever there was one, with the true Purefoy nose. Young
- hopeful will be christened Mortimer Edward after the influential third
- cousin of Mr Purefoy in the Treasury Remembrancer's office, Dublin
- Castle. And so time wags on: but father Cronion has dealt lightly here. No,
- let no sigh break from that bosom, dear gentle Mina. And Doady, knock
- the ashes from your pipe, the seasoned briar you still fancy when the curfew
- rings for you (may it be the distant day!) and dout the light whereby you
- read in the Sacred Book for the oil too has run low, and so with a tranquil
- heart to bed, to rest. He knows and will call in His own good time. You too
- have fought the good fight and played loyally your man's part. Sir, to you
- my hand. Well done, thou good and faithful servant!
- There are sins or (let us call them as the world calls them) evil
- memories which are hidden away by man in the darkest places of the heart
- but they abide there and wait. He may suffer their memory to grow dim, let
- them be as though they had not been and all but persuade himself that they
- were not or at least were otherwise. Yet a chance word will call them forth
- suddenly and they will rise up to confront him in the most various
- circumstances, a vision or a dream, or while timbrel and harp soothe his
- senses or amid the cool silver tranquility of the evening or at the feast, at
- midnight, when he is now filled with wine. Not to insult over him will the
- vision come as over one that lies under her wrath, not for vengeance to cut
- him off from the living but shrouded in the piteous vesture of the past,
- silent, remote, reproachful.
- The stranger still regarded on the face before him a slow recession of
- that false calm there, imposed, as it seemed, by habit or some studied trick,
- upon words so embittered as to accuse in their speaker an unhealthiness, a
- flair, for the cruder things of life. A scene disengages itself in the observer's
- memory, evoked, it would seem, by a word of so natural a homeliness as if
- those days were really present there (as some thought) with their immediate
- pleasures. A shaven space of lawn one soft May evening, the
- wellremembered grove of lilacs at Roundtown, purple and white, fragrant
- slender spectators of the game but with much real interest in the pellets as
- they run slowly forward over the sward or collide and stop, one by its
- fellow, with a brief alert shock. And yonder about that grey urn where the
- water moves at times in thoughtful irrigation you saw another as fragrant
- sisterhood, Floey, Atty, Tiny and their darker friend with I know not what
- of arresting in her pose then, Our Lady of the Cherries, a comely brace of
- them pendent from an ear, bringing out the foreign warmth of the skin so
- daintily against the cool ardent fruit. A lad of four or five in linseywoolsey
- (blossomtime but there will be cheer in the kindly hearth when ere long the
- bowls are gathered and hutched) is standing on the urn secured by that
- circle of girlish fond hands. He frowns a little just as this young man does
- now with a perhaps too conscious enjoyment of the danger but must needs
- glance at whiles towards where his mother watches from the piazzetta
- giving upon the flowerclose with a faint shadow of remoteness or of
- reproach (alles Vetgängliche) in her glad look.
- Mark this farther and remember. The end comes suddenly. Enter that
- antechamber of birth where the studious are assembled and note their faces.
- Nothing, as it seems, there of rash or violent. Quietude of custody, rather,
- befitting their station in that house, the vigilant watch of shepherds and of
- angels about a crib in Bethlehem of Juda long ago. But as before the
- lightning the serried stormclouds, heavy with preponderant excess of
- moisture, in swollen masses turgidly distended, compass earth and sky in
- one vast slumber, impending above parched field and drowsy oxen and
- blighted growth of shrub and verdure till in an instant a flash rives their
- centres and with the reverberation of the thunder the cloudburst pours its
- torrent, so and not otherwise was the transformation, violent and
- instantaneous, upon the utterance of the word.
- Burke's! outflings my lord Stephen, giving the cry, and a tag and
- bobtail of all them after, cockerel, jackanapes, welsher, pilldoctor, punctual
- Bloom at heels with a universal grabbing at headgear, ashplants, bilbos,
- Panama hats and scabbards, Zermatt alpenstocks and what not. A dedale of
- lusty youth, noble every student there. Nurse Callan taken aback in the
- hallway cannot stay them nor smiling surgeon coming downstairs with
- news of placentation ended, a full pound if a milligramme. They hark him
- on. The door! It is open? Ha! They are out, tumultuously, off for a
- minute's race, all bravely legging it, Burke's of Denzille and Holles their
- ulterior goal. Dixon follows giving them sharp language but raps out an
- oath, he too, and on. Bloom stays with nurse a thought to send a kind word
- to happy mother and nurseling up there. Doctor Diet and Doctor Quiet.
- Looks she too not other now? Ward of watching in Horne's house has told
- its tale in that washedout pallor. Then all being gone, a glance of motherwit
- helping, he whispers close in going: Madam, when comes the storkbird for
- thee?
- The air without is impregnated with raindew moisture, life essence
- celestial, glistening on Dublin stone there under starshiny coelum. God's
- air, the Allfather's air, scintillant circumambient cessile air. Breathe it deep
- into thee. By heaven, Theodore Purefoy, thou hast done a doughty deed
- and no botch! Thou art, I vow, the remarkablest progenitor barring none in
- this chaffering allincluding most farraginous chronicle. Astounding! In her
- lay a Godframed Godgiven preformed possibility which thou hast fructified
- with thy modicum of man's work. Cleave to her! Serve! Toil on, labour like
- a very bandog and let scholarment and all Malthusiasts go hang. Thou art
- all their daddies, Theodore. Art drooping under thy load, bemoiled with
- butcher's bills at home and ingots (not thine!) in the countinghouse? Head
- up! For every newbegotten thou shalt gather thy homer of ripe wheat. See,
- thy fleece is drenched. Dost envy Darby Dullman there with his Joan? A
- canting jay and a rheumeyed curdog is all their progeny. Pshaw, I tell thee!
- He is a mule, a dead gasteropod, without vim or stamina, not worth a
- cracked kreutzer. Copulation without population! No, say I! Herod's
- slaughter of the innocents were the truer name. Vegetables, forsooth, and
- sterile cohabitation! Give her beefsteaks, red, raw, bleeding! She is a hoary
- pandemonium of ills, enlarged glands, mumps, quinsy, bunions, hayfever,
- bedsores, ringworm, floating kidney, Derbyshire neck, warts, bilious
- attacks, gallstones, cold feet, varicose veins. A truce to threnes and trentals
- and jeremies and all such congenital defunctive music! Twenty years of it,
- regret them not. With thee it was not as with many that will and would and
- wait and never - do. Thou sawest thy America, thy lifetask, and didst
- charge to cover like the transpontine bison. How saith Zarathustra? Deine
- Kuh Trübsal melkest Du. Nun trinkst Du die süsse Milch des Euters. See! it
- displodes for thee in abundance. Drink, man, an udderful! Mother's milk,
- Purefoy, the milk of human kin, milk too of those burgeoning stars
- overhead rutilant in thin rainvapour, punch milk, such as those rioters will
- quaff in their guzzling den, milk of madness, the honeymilk of Canaan's
- land. Thy cow's dug was tough, what? Ay, but her milk is hot and sweet
- and fattening. No dollop this but thick rich bonnyclaber. To her, old
- patriarch! Pap! Per deam Partulam et Pertundam nunc est bibendum!
- All off for a buster, armstrong, hollering down the street. Bonafides.
- Where you slep las nigh? Timothy of the battered naggin. Like ole Billyo.
- Any brollies or gumboots in the fambly? Where the Henry Nevil's
- sawbones and ole clo? Sorra one o' me knows. Hurrah there, Dix! Forward
- to the ribbon counter. Where's Punch? All serene. Jay, look at the drunken
- minister coming out of the maternity hospal! Benedicat vos omnipotens
- Deus, Pater et Filius. A make, mister. The Denzille lane boys. Hell, blast ye!
- Scoot. Righto, Isaacs, shove em out of the bleeding limelight. Yous join uz,
- dear sir? No hentrusion in life. Lou heap good man. Allee samee dis bunch.
- En avant, mes enfants! Fire away number one on the gun. Burke's!
- Burke's! Thence they advanced five parasangs. Slattery's mounted foot.
- Where's that bleeding awfur? Parson Steve, apostates' creed! No, no,
- Mulligan! Abaft there! Shove ahead. Keep a watch on the clock.
- Chuckingout time. Mullee! What's on you? Ma mère m'a mariée. British
- Beatitudes! Retamplatan digidi boumboum. Ayes have it. To be printed and
- bound at the Druiddrum press by two designing females. Calf covers of
- pissedon green. Last word in art shades. Most beautiful book come out of
- Ireland my time. Silentium! Get a spurt on. Tention. Proceed to nearest
- canteen and there annex liquor stores. March! Tramp, tramp, tramp, the
- boys are (atitudes!) parching. Beer, beef, business, bibles, bulldogs
- battleships, buggery and bishops. Whether on the scaffold high. Beer, beef,
- trample the bibles. When for Irelandear. Trample the trampellers.
- Thunderation! Keep the durned millingtary step. We fall. Bishops
- boosebox. Halt! Heave to. Rugger. Scrum in. No touch kicking. Wow, my
- tootsies! You hurt? Most amazingly sorry!
- Query. Who's astanding this here do? Proud possessor of damnall.
- Declare misery. Bet to the ropes. Me nantee saltee. Not a red at me this
- week gone. Yours? Mead of our fathers for the Übermensch. Dittoh. Five
- number ones. You, sir? Ginger cordial. Chase me, the cabby's caudle.
- Stimulate the caloric. Winding of his ticker. Stopped short never to go
- again when the old. Absinthe for me, savvy? Caramba! Have an eggnog or
- a prairie oyster. Enemy? Avuncular's got my timepiece. Ten to. Obligated
- awful. Don't mention it. Got a pectoral trauma, eh, Dix? Pos fact. Got bet
- be a boomblebee whenever he wus settin sleepin in hes bit garten. Digs up
- near the Mater. Buckled he is. Know his dona? Yup, sartin I do. Full of a
- dure. See her in her dishybilly. Peels off a credit. Lovey lovekin. None of
- your lean kine, not much. Pull down the blind, love. Two Ardilauns. Same
- here. Look slippery. If you fall don't wait to get up. Five, seven, nine. Fine!
- Got a prime pair of mincepies, no kid. And her take me to rests and her
- anker of rum. Must be seen to be believed. Your starving eyes and
- allbeplastered neck you stole my heart, O gluepot. Sir? Spud again the
- rheumatiz? All poppycock, you'll scuse me saying. For the hoi polloi. I vear
- thee beest a gert vool. Well, doc? Back fro Lapland? Your corporosity
- sagaciating O K? How's the squaws and papooses? Womanbody after
- going on the straw? Stand and deliver. Password. There's hair. Ours the
- white death and the ruddy birth. Hi! Spit in your own eye, boss!
- Mummer's wire. Cribbed out of Meredith. Jesified, orchidised, polycimical
- jesuit! Aunty mine's writing Pa Kinch. Baddybad Stephen lead astray
- goodygood Malachi.
- Hurroo! Collar the leather, youngun. Roun wi the nappy. Here, Jock
- braw Hielentman's your barleybree. Lang may your lum reek and your
- kailpot boil! My tipple. Merci. Here's to us. How's that? Leg before wicket.
- Don't stain my brandnew sitinems. Give's a shake of peppe, you there.
- Catch aholt. Caraway seed to carry away. Twig? Shrieks of silence. Every
- cove to his gentry mort. Venus Pandemos. Les petites femmes. Bold bad girl
- from the town of Mullingar. Tell her I was axing at her. Hauding Sara by
- the wame. On the road to Malahide. Me? If she who seduced me had left
- but the name. What do you want for ninepence? Machree, macruiskeen.
- Smutty Moll for a mattress jig. And a pull all together. Ex!
- Waiting, guvnor? Most deciduously. Bet your boots on. Stunned like,
- seeing as how no shiners is acoming. Underconstumble? He've got the
- chink ad lib. Seed near free poun on un a spell ago a said war hisn. Us
- come right in on your invite, see? Up to you, matey. Out with the oof. Two
- bar and a wing. You larn that go off of they there Frenchy bilks? Won't
- wash here for nuts nohow. Lil chile velly solly. Ise de cutest colour coon
- down our side. Gawds teruth, Chawley. We are nae fou. We're nae tha fou.
- Au reservoir, mossoo. Tanks you.
- 'Tis, sure. What say? In the speakeasy. Tight. I shee you, shir.
- Bantam, two days teetee. Bowsing nowt but claretwine. Garn! Have a glint,
- do. Gum, I'm jiggered. And been to barber he have. Too full for words.
- With a railway bloke. How come you so? Opera he'd like? Rose of Castile.
- Rows of cast. Police! Some H2O for a gent fainted. Look at Bantam's
- flowers. Gemini. He's going to holler. The colleen bawn. My colleen bawn.
- O, cheese it! Shut his blurry Dutch oven with a firm hand. Had the winner
- today till I tipped him a dead cert. The ruffin cly the nab of Stephen Hand
- as give me the jady coppaleen. He strike a telegramboy paddock wire big
- bug Bass to the depot. Shove him a joey and grahamise. Mare on form hot
- order. Guinea to a goosegog. Tell a cram, that. Gospeltrue. Criminal
- diversion? I think that yes. Sure thing. Land him in chokeechokee if the
- harman beck copped the game. Madden back Madden's a maddening back.
- O lust our refuge and our strength. Decamping. Must you go? Off to
- mammy. Stand by. Hide my blushes someone. All in if he spots me. Come
- ahome, our Bantam. Horryvar, mong vioo. Dinna forget the cowslips for
- hersel. Cornfide. Wha gev ye thon colt? Pal to pal. Jannock. Of John
- Thomas, her spouse. No fake, old man Leo. S'elp me, honest injun. Shiver
- my timbers if I had. There's a great big holy friar. Vyfor you no me tell?
- Vel, I ses, if that aint a sheeny nachez, vel, I vil get misha mishinnah.
- Through yerd our lord, Amen.
- You move a motion? Steve boy, you're going it some. More bluggy
- drunkables? Will immensely splendiferous stander permit one stooder of
- most extreme poverty and one largesize grandacious thirst to terminate one
- expensive inaugurated libation? Give's a breather. Landlord, landlord, have
- you good wine, staboo? Hoots, mon, a wee drap to pree. Cut and come
- again. Right. Boniface! Absinthe the lot. Nos omnes biberimus viridum
- toxicum, diabolus capiat posterioria nostria. Closingtime, gents. Eh? Rome
- boose for the Bloom toff. I hear you say onions? Bloo? Cadges ads. Photo's
- papli, by all that's gorgeous. Play low, pardner. Slide. Bonsoir la compagnie.
- And snares of the poxfiend. Where's the buck and Namby Amby?
- Skunked? Leg bail. Aweel, ye maun e'en gang yer gates. Checkmate. King
- to tower. Kind Kristyann wil yu help yung man hoose frend tuk bungellow
- kee tu find plais whear tu lay crown of his hed 2 night. Crickey, I'm about
- sprung. Tarnally dog gone my shins if this beent the bestest puttiest
- longbreak yet. Item, curate, couple of cookies for this child. Cot's plood
- and prandypalls, none! Not a pite of sheeses? Thrust syphilis down to hell
- and with him those other licensed spirits. Time, gents! Who wander
- through the world. Health all! À la vôtre!
- Golly, whatten tunket's yon guy in the mackintosh? Dusty Rhodes.
- Peep at his wearables. By mighty! What's he got? Jubilee mutton. Bovril, by
- James. Wants it real bad. D'ye ken bare socks? Seedy cuss in the
- Richmond? Rawthere! Thought he had a deposit of lead in his penis.
- Trumpery insanity. Bartle the Bread we calls him. That, sir, was once a
- prosperous cit. Man all tattered and torn that married a maiden all forlorn.
- Slung her hook, she did. Here see lost love. Walking Mackintosh of lonely
- canyon. Tuck and turn in. Schedule time. Nix for the hornies. Pardon?
- Seen him today at a runefal? Chum o' yourn passed in his checks?
- Ludamassy! Pore piccaninnies! Thou'll no be telling me thot, Pold veg! Did
- ums blubble bigsplash crytears cos fren Padney was took off in black bag?
- Of all de darkies Massa Pat was verra best. I never see the like since I was
- born. Tiens, tiens, but it is well sad, that, my faith, yes. O, get, rev on a
- gradient one in nine. Live axle drives are souped. Lay you two to one
- Jenatzy licks him ruddy well hollow. Jappies? High angle fire, inyah! Sunk
- by war specials. Be worse for him, says he, nor any Rooshian. Time all.
- There's eleven of them. Get ye gone. Forward, woozy wobblers! Night.
- Night. May Allah the Excellent One your soul this night ever tremendously
- conserve.
- Your attention! We're nae tha fou. The Leith police dismisseth us. The
- least tholice. Ware hawks for the chap puking. Unwell in his abominable
- regions. Yooka. Night. Mona, my true love. Yook. Mona, my own love.
- Ook.
- Hark! Shut your obstropolos. Pflaap! Pflaap! Blaze on. There she
- goes. Brigade! Bout ship. Mount street way. Cut up! Pflaap! Tally ho. You
- not come? Run, skelter, race. Pflaaaap!
- Lynch! Hey? Sign on long o' me. Denzille lane this way. Change here
- for Bawdyhouse. We two, she said, will seek the kips where shady Mary is.
- Righto, any old time. Laetabuntur in cubilibus suis. You coming long?
- Whisper, who the sooty hell's the johnny in the black duds? Hush! Sinned
- against the light and even now that day is at hand when he shall come to
- judge the world by fire. Pflaap! Ut implerentur scripturae. Strike up a
- ballad. Then outspake medical Dick to his comrade medical Davy.
- Christicle, who's this excrement yellow gospeller on the Merrion hall?
- Elijah is coming! Washed in the blood of the Lamb. Come on you
- winefizzling, ginsizzling, booseguzzling existences! Come on, you
- dog-gone, bullnecked, beetlebrowed, hogjowled, peanutbrained, weaseleyed
- fourflushers, false alarms and excess baggage! Come on, you triple extract
- of infamy! Alexander J Christ Dowie, that's my name, that's yanked to
- glory most half this planet from Frisco beach to Vladivostok. The Deity
- aint no nickel dime bumshow. I put it to you that He's on the square and a
- corking fine business proposition. He's the grandest thing yet and don't you
- forget it. Shout salvation in King Jesus. You'll need to rise precious early
- you sinner there, if you want to diddle the Almighty God. Pflaaaap! Not
- half. He's got a coughmixture with a punch in it for you, my friend, in his
- back pocket. Just you try it on.
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