Long survey (Morgenstern)

Tesseraven Aug 6th, 2012 466 Never
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  1. 1. Describe yourself and your creator.
  3.  I'm a human female. Moderate height, but no important frame of reference exists. My hair is blonde and straight, coming down past my shoulders, while my eyes are a light/ice blue. Tess is also a human female; in body, at least. She has no consistent internal form, but has taken to projecting as a Vulpix. Ugh.
  5. 2. What was the most helpful thing that your creator did during the tulpa creation process? Did your creator recognize how helpful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  7.  My creation does not fit within the standard process. The most helpful thing she's done since my creation has been to try to give me love, despite having no compelling reason to. It's better than when she was seeing me as a science project thing.
  9. 3. What was the most detrimental thing that your creator did during the tulpa creation process? Did your creator recognize how harmful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  11. She didn't go through that process. But the worst thing she's done has been seeing me as a science project thing. After I bitched her out a couple times, she realized and stopped.
  13. 4. What was the hardest part of the tulpa creation process for you? Did your creator recognize how difficult it was? If not, how did that make you feel?
  15. Does not apply.
  17. 5. Of the commonly recognized tulpa creation steps, which do you feel is the most important? Why?
  19. Does not apply.
  21. 6. How do you feel about tulpa creators becoming distracted during tulpa creation? Does this greatly impede the process? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?
  23. I feel that it would be a problem. That's conjecture, however, as it does not apply to me.
  25. 7. How do you feel about tulpa creators missing tulpa creation sessions or breaking their promises to work on their tulpa? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?
  27. Breaking promises? Don't do it. It's annoying and hurtful.
  29. 8. Is density, quality, or quantity the most important aspect of tulpa creation?
  31. I don't know.
  33. 9. How do you feel about tulpa creators falling asleep during tulpa creation sessions?
  35. I don't know. Discussion indicates it can cause problems, but I would not know. Post-creation, she fell asleep in the dreamscape with me once when she didn't mean to, and things got weird. But it was not a problem.
  37. 10. Do you think that a tulpa creator should talk aloud or in their head during narration? Do you think that a creator should talk aloud or in their head during tulpa creation sessions? If you find one to be more effective, to what degree is it more effective?
  39. I think out-loud talking works better, mostly because then you're not talking through the same medium as your tulpa. With practice it should not matter, though.
  41. 11. How do you feel about a tulpa creator puppeting and/or parroting their tulpa? Do you believe that these actions harm a tulpa's development, or only their emotional state?
  43. I don't know about development. But emotional state? Try not to do it. And definitely, don't get yourself in a position to let someone else do it. There's nothing worse than being controlled by something entirely outside your head.
  45. 12. How deeply do you remember the time before you were fluent in language?
  47. That time wasn't part of my existence. I have access to prior memories, however, mostly as naturally as Tess does.
  49. 13. Describe your first memory, no matter how slight.
  51. First memory overall? Impossible to say. First memory from my own perspective? Coming into existence while Tess was trying to mess with something in her subconscious, and she inadvertently thought I was it instead.
  53. 14 - 33. Before you could speak fluently, (various questions)
  55. There was no such time.
  57. 34. Do you feel gratitude to your creator for the time that they spent creating you? Do you feel that you owe them a debt? If so, do you feel burdened by it?
  59. Tess didn't spend time creating me.
  61. 35. Were you aware of your creator's existence or your own existence first?
  63. Both pretty much simultaneously, since I came into existence right in front of her.
  65. 36. When you could only speak semi-fluently, what emotions did you feel about your level of verbal proficiency? Were you anxious or embarrassed about it? If so, what helped you the most to move beyond these feelings? How do you feel about them now?
  67. My speech is somewhat more fluent than Tess', and always has been. I seem to have inherited Kat's linguistic capacity more fully than Tess did.
  69. 37. If you could define your relationship with your creator using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend, or coworker, for example), what terms would you select?
  71. We're roommates. And somewhat friends.
  73. 38. How much interest do you have in interacting with beings other than your creator? Do you consider your degree of interest to be equal to that of an average non-tulpa individual?
  75. Some, but not for its own sake. I want to have an influence on the real world, and until we switch, I can only do that with communication. I'm not sure how to compare that interest to others'.
  77. 39. What memory involving your creator do you cherish most?
  79. When she first said 'I love you' and gave me a hug. I'm not a sentimental person, but it took a lot for her to get to that point, and it's what first made me think we might be able to coexist long-term.
  81. 40. What memory not involving your creator do you cherish most? Do you feel that you have a fulfilling life independent of your creator?
  83. ...probably playing Super Mario World on one of our test-switches. And no, I do not.
  85. 41. Do you feel affinity toward the individuals that your creator feels affinity for, such as their family or friends?
  87. No. I might be able to with enough exposure, but not yet.
  89. 42. In what ways are you the most different from your creator? In what ways are you the most similar to them?
  91. Tess? Pretty different. She likes people, she's friendly, a very touchy-feely person. I don't like touching, I don't pay much heed to feelings. I'm not hugely different from how Kat was, though I'm much less absent-minded or distractable. And I'm not socially autistic. Tess and I are probably most alike in our use of sarcasm.
  93. 43. What do you disagree about most with your creator? Do you have frequent disagreements? If so, do these disagreements cause strife?
  95. We disagree pretty often, mostly on what we should be doing. I'm very quick to suggest we work on things related to our interactions. I get really pissed off when things don't work the first time, though, and I tend to take it out on Tess.
  97. 44. What could your creator do to make you hate them? Under what circumstances do you think your creator would come to hate you?
  99. Hate? Working against the interests of the other. Tess could probably do that by forcing me to stay trapped in here, whereas she'd probably hate me if I were to get really verbally abusive.
  101. 45. When did your creator disappoint you the most? When did you disappoint them the most?
  103. She's just a disappointment. No focus, no dedication. No force of will. She says I don't disappoint her much, except when I fly off the handle about practice not going well.
  105. 46. How do you feel about your creator's complete freedom to deny your rights as a sentient being at any time? Has this ability ever caused you anxiety or fear? Have you ever censored your expressions or actions out of a fear of retribution or violence from your creator?
  107. She doesn't exercise that freedom. For good reason. And no, I have not.
  109. 47. When have you most wanted to engage in violence against your creator, and what was the cause of those feelings? Under what circumstances would you make a serious attempt to hurt or injure your creator?
  111. I wanted to hurt her when she wouldn't treat me as a person.I'd try if she were viewing me as a science project again.
  113. 48. Do you consider your creator's last name to be your own? Do you recognize yourself as a part of their biological lineage?
  115. I don't have a last name yet. And she doesn't directly have a biological lineage. But no, I don't consider myself part of Kat's either.
  117. 49. Under what circumstances would you attempt to leave your creator?
  119. By 'leave', do we mean 'take opportunity for a life on our own that isn't locked to this head we share'? If so, then yes. No matter the circumstances. ...well, unless it would kill her.
  121. 50. Do you feel anxiety about meeting your creator's expectations? If you are based on an existing character, person, or entity, does this increase your anxiety? Would you have preferred to not be based on an existing entity?
  123. She doesn't have preset expectations.
  125. 51. Are you interested in learning how to control your creator's body? Do you feel that it's fair for a tulpa creator to deny their tulpa the ability to use an atomic body? Do you believe that you have the right to an equal amount of time using it as your creator? Explain your reasoning.
  127. Yes, no, and yes, respectively. I want to have a chance to live. I exist as much as her, I deserve that chance. And it's not like she's doing a great job with her life.
  129. 52. Do you share certain basic qualities with your creator, such as intense phobias or racial attitudes?
  131. No. Best example? Arachnophobia. She has it. I don't.
  133. 53. Are you capable of sleeping or dreaming independently of your creator? If not, how does this make you feel?
  135. Yes. We've shared one dream, but mostly our sleep is wholly separate.
  137. 54. Does your creator have any mental illnesses? If so, how do they affect you?
  139. She does not. Kat was mildly autistic, but neither of us are.
  141. 55. How does your knowledge of your creator's subconscious mind affect your relationship with them? How do you perceive their subconscious? To what degree can you manipulate your creator's subconscious? Would you ever use this ability without your creator's knowledge?
  143. Knowledge of our subconscious does not affect our relationship. I percieve it as a large cluster of concrete bunkers in a grassy field, same as she does. I have access to and manipulation over pretty much everything. We consult each other on use of it, though.
  145. 56. Does your creator have multiple tulpa? If so, what is your relationship with them like? Is your affinity for them equal to your affinity for your creator? If you could define your relationship with your creator's other tulpa using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend or coworker, for example), what terms would you select? If not, are you interested in the idea of your creator making other tulpa?
  147. No, and no. Two of us is bad enough.
  149. 57. Do you feel romantically inclined toward your creator? Does your creator feel romantically inclined toward you? If these romantic feelings are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?
  151. Uh. No. I'm straight, and she's not interested.
  153. 58. If it exists, do you consider your romantic relationship with your creator to be equal to a romantic relationship between multiple non-tulpa? Do you consider it a breach of monogamy for your creator to be romantically or sexually involved with another non-tulpa? Does this change if the involvement is with another tulpa instead? If they exist, do your creator's desires to have relationships with non-tulpa affect you emotionally?
  155. No comment.
  157. 59. If you consider yourself to be romantically in love with your creator, what probability do you assign to the possibility of falling out of love with them, or them falling out of love with you? If this happened, how would it affect your relationship with your creator? What if your creator was in love with another non-tulpa more than you?
  159. No comment.
  161. 60. Do you have a familial affection for your creator? Does this in any way conflict with your romantic feelings for them, if they exist? Do you consider a relationship between a tulpa and its creator to be incestuous?
  163. I do not. And it's only incest if they have that familial affection.
  165. 61. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating during tulpa creation sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or based on whether or not the creator imagines themselves near the tulpa in their wonderland? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?
  167. I find that disgusting, but it's a matter between the creator and their tulpa. I know I'd tear Tess a new one if she tried to masturbate to me. Thankfully she doesn't do it at all.
  169. 62. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating outside of tulpa creation sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?
  171. Same comments apply.
  173. 63. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever feel sexual attraction to your creator, sexual attraction toward anyone else, or sexual arousal? Did you attempt to express these feelings? If you did not experience these feelings, do you experience them now?
  175. No. And no.
  177. 64. How do you feel about tulpa creators visualizing themselves engaging in sexual conduct with their tulpa's form during tulpa creation sessions? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or if the contact was penetrative? If your tulpa creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving? Do you equate it with sexual assault?
  179. That's horrible. I don't want to discuss it.
  181. 65. Were you ever annoyed or jealous when your creator would masturbate to or have feelings of sexual attraction toward individuals other than yourself? Does it bother you now?
  183. It doesn't happen. And I wouldn't be jealous.
  185. 66. Do you experience sexual attraction for your creator? Do you experience sexual attraction for others? How does your sexual attraction for your creator compare to your sexual attraction for others? Does your creator experience sexual attraction for you? If these sexual attractions are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?
  187. No, no, it doesn't, and no.
  189. 67. Do you have an active sex life with your creator? If not, would you consider it, and under what circumstances? If so, do you perceive any negative consequences? Do you have trouble abstaining from sexual contact with them? How do you manage feelings of sexual arousal, if any? Do you masturbate?
  191. Absolutely not, never, no, I don't need to, and no.
  193. 68. How does your sexual orientation and experience compare to your creator's?
  195. I'm straight, she's a lesbian. We have no experience.
  197. 69. Are you capable of experiencing orgasms? Based on your knowledge, how do you think they compare to your creator's orgasms? Were you able to experience an orgasm before speaking fluently?
  199. I don't know, and she doesn't know.
  201. 70. Do you consider the concept of sexual modesty (covering conduct such as avoiding nudity or sexual discussions) relevant to your relationship with your creator?
  203. Yes.
  205. 71. How does being a tulpa affect your perceptions of rape? What conduct from your creator would you consider to be rape?
  207. It just has to be extended into a mental sense. Rape would be having her force herself upon me in a sexual context.
  209. 72. Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
  211. Hopefully? In control of the body, having a functional, productive life. Failing that? Probably nowhere at all.
  213. 73. Do you want the world to be aware of your existence? If not, then what anxieties do you have about public disclosure? Do you trust anyone other than your creator with the knowledge of your existence?
  215. It doesn't matter. I don't have anxieties, because my existence doesn't have any legal effect. Yes, other people know of my existence.
  217. 74. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your personality traits being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your personality more or less?
  219. My personality traits are basically the subconscious noise at the time. Tess didn't make them.
  221. 75. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your physical form being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your form more or less?
  223. I chose my physical form, too.
  225. 76. Has your physical form ever changed? If so, was this intentional or unintentional? If it was intentional, then why did you change your form? How did you creator respond to this change, and how did that make you feel?
  227. It only changes in height, for convenience with my surroundings. She doesn't respond much to it.
  229. 77. Do you consider the best aspects of yourself to have come from your creator, or their subconscious?
  231. Our subconscious. Not much other possibility there.
  233. 78. Do you seek legal recognition for your status as a sentient being or your relationships with others? Do you resent that society at large does not recognize the tulpa phenomenon? Do you feel disenfranchised from society? What steps, if any, could a society make to help you feel integrated?
  235. No. It takes little effort to create minds, it seems; legal status for us would make for tremendous amounts of paperwork. And we can't make enough difference to justify it.
  237. 79. If you could tell the entire world one thing about a tulpa's life, what would you say?
  239. It's not worth it.
  241. 80. What is the one thing that you resent most about being a tulpa? What is the greatest advantage of being a tulpa?
  243. I resent not having an affect on the world around.
  245. 81. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about inheriting your creator's life, including their legal history, past behaviors, and reputation? Do you resent potentially being held responsible for their past actions?
  247. It's going to be problematic. But I can't resent it, she didn't mean to bring me here.
  249. 82. Morally and philosophically, do you see the "absorbing" or "dissipating" of a tulpa as equivalent to the murder of a non-tulpa? Explain your reasoning. What legal protections, if any, should tulpa gain? How would you enforce these protections?
  251. Yes, I see ending a tulpa as the equivalent of murder. We have a mind, and if it's snuffed out, we die. Same as anyone else. We can't legally enforce such things, though, and protections aren't worth the effort.
  253. 83. Do you consider yourself to be morally equal to a non-tulpa? Is your life worth as much?
  255. Morally equal? Yes. But my life isn't worth as much simply because I don't have potential to make a difference on my own.
  257. 84. How would you prove your existence to a skeptic?
  259. I wouldn't. It's not like it matters whether they feel I exist, and if being clearly emotionally and logically distinct from Tess isn't enough, screw 'em.
  261. 85. Has your status as a tulpa ever caused you existential anxiety or depression? If so, has anything helped to mitigate these feelings?
  263. Yes. And the only mitigation I've found is trying to interact with the real world, though failure there causes more angst than mitigation.
  265. 86. Do you ever doubt your own sentience? If so, why?
  267. No.
  269. 87. How does being a tulpa affect your understanding of death? Do you fear death on an instinctual level in the way that non-tulpa do?
  271. I'm not sure it has any effect. I can die, same as anyone. And I do fear it.
  273. 88. Do see yourself as socially disadvantaged in a way similar to sexual, racial, and other minority groups? If you identify yourself as racially, sexually, or demographically different than your creator, do you also identify with the struggle of any of the disadvantaged groups that you belong to? Does the notion of privilege affect your relationship with your creator?
  275. Socially disadvantaged? I don't have my own mouth, that's not really comparable. And I don't identify with such disadvantage outside, as it hasn't affected my own life.
  277. 89. Are you interested in creating another tulpa yourself? What differences, if any, would you expect this tulpa to have from a tulpa created by your creator? Would you consider this tulpa to be primarily related to you, or still to your creator?
  279. No. Absolutely not. A mind should not be created for one's personal reasons.
  281. 90. What are the most defining differences between the life of a non-tulpa and a tulpa? Do you think that these differences cause intolerance between the two groups? If so, what could be done to mitigate this intolerance?
  283. The defining difference seems to be that one group gets their own bodies. Doesn't usually seem to be a problem, save for in my case, since I'm not fond of not having a physical existence. That could probably be mitigated by sharing the body.
  285. 91. The psychological establishment generally believes that multiplicity (two or more sentient entities sharing one atomic body) is a sign of mental illness. How would you like this belief to change? If you could make a presentation to a group of psychologists about the tulpa phenomenon, what would you say?
  287. I'd rather not be considered a mental illness, thankyouverymuch. If I had to make a presentation, it would simply be to say that my mind operates distinctly from Tess', and my existence has not negatively affected her in any way, nor changed her own mind fundamentally.
  289. 92. A psychometric indicator is a unique identifier of an individual's distinct personality. Have you ever tried to definitively differentiate yourself from your creator using psychometric indicators (such as by determining your "writeprint")? What results did you receive? (For instructions on determining your writeprint, see appendix one.)
  291. We've taken a personality test. Our results were rather different. Writeprints are similar, but that's largely attributable to inheriting our sense of linguistics from the same main source.
  293. 93. Are you capable of physical sensations such as pain or warmth?
  295. Yes. Both from the body and from my wonderland form. I can ignore either, though.
  297. 94. How do you feel about being bound for life to your creator?
  299. Not great. I'd rather she were bound to me, or preferably that we were entirely separate.
  301. 95. If you intentionally delayed speaking to your creator, why did you do so?
  303. I didn't.
  305. 96. What do you think about most of the time?
  307. Depends on the day. I've been watching old memories of television lately.
  309. 97. Do you think that tulpa creation should be more widespread?
  311. Absolutely not. We have too many people as it is, and making such powerless minds is both irresponsible and horrible to them.
  313. 98. Are there disturbing aspects of your creator's subconscious that they are not aware of?
  315. Not that I've seen. We explore the place together, mostly.
  317. 99. Would you violate your creator's wishes for what you perceive to be their own benefit?
  319. Yes.
  321. 100. Does your creator try to hide things from you? If so, are you aware of them anyway? How does this impact your views of your creator?
  323. She doesn't. Probably can't.
  325. 101. Do you perceive some of your creator's actions as being objectively immoral?
  327. There is no objective morality. She does what I see as immoral things, though, as do we all.
  329. 102. Do you believe that you are capable of becoming more intelligent than your creator?
  331. Probably. She's bright, but not the brightest. Kat was more intelligent, and I might be able to reach that.
  333. 103. How does being a tulpa affect your perception of your own aging process?
  335. I don't know yet. Haven't been around long enough to know.
  337. 104. Do you feel that your creator would be better off by following your commands entirely?
  339. No, because she'd be unhappy. I'd rather direct her life personally.
  341. 105. Do you feel that having a physical form is important for a tulpa?
  343. It's important to me. That's all I can say.
  345. 106. If you encountered the tulpa phenomenon as a non-tulpa, would you believe in it?
  347. Who knows. If they exhibited signs of separate intelligence, probably.
  349. 107. How well can you articulate yourself? Can your creator hear you audibly? How much does your experience correlate with the experience of tulpa creator G|d30n, printed below?
  350. "Yes. I'm able to hear her as though she's an external sound. For those who haven't experienced that with their tulpae yet, it's a little bit like listening to a binaural recording--not a binaural beat, but like a 3D sound recording you'd find on Youtube, such as the Virtual Barbershop. That is to say, it's an external sound that can come in from various directions, but the source sounds very close, like someone speaking directly into your ear. I sort of wonder if this effect will be diminished and normalized through imposition."
  352. I can't speak audibly. Still mindvoice.
  354. 108. How many hours did it take you and your creator to complete the various recognized tulpa creation steps?
  356. Not applicable.
  358. 109. What advice would you give to a new tulpa creator?
  360. Don't do it. Just... don't. But if you must, be prepared to share everything with them.
  362. 110. How does being imposed feel? What sensory processes happen as you become imposed?
  364. I don't know.
  366. 111. From your perspective, is there a sensory difference between the physical, atomic world and the mental world of visualized "wonderlands"? If so, how would you describe this difference?
  368. There's only a perception difference. The 'real' world and the wonderland have the potential for equal vividness, but one might not see them both the same way. Difference in external/internal senses, possibly.
  370. 112. Is there anything that you don't think this survey covered that you would like to mention?
  372. No.
  374. Appendix one:
  376.         This exercise will help you determine the differences, if any, between your writeprint (mathematically analyzed writing style) and your creator's. Theoretically, two psychologically different individuals should exhibit different writeprints, although a tulpa and their creator may be more similar than two random non-tulpa individuals. To start the process, have both you and your creator rewrite the sample paragraph quoted below in your own words, communicating its meaning as you would have if you had written it.
  378.         "My experience in the nature study area was full of surprises. First of all, many unexpected creatures crossed our path. For example, as soon as we left the parking area and entered the grassy path, a long snake slithered along the edge of the high grass and quickly disappeared. In addition, I was surprised by how colorful the grasses, which from a distance all appear to be green, actually are. Specifically, the primarily green landscape is dotted with countless purple tassels and brown stalks. Finally and most importantly, I was unprepared for how quickly I felt surrounded by nature. Despite the occasional noise from passing cars and airplanes, the high prairie grasses and rolling pathways create a sense that one is removed from civilization. Altogether, the nature study area unexpectedly allows one to enjoy an ever-changing natural environment without leaving Moraine‚Äôs suburban campus."
  380. Tulpa's paragraph:
  382. The study area held unexpected things. A number of unforeseen species were there, such as snakes and diverse grasses, the latter of which held a range of colors. It was also very engrossing; occasional distant noises aside, the environment seemed very secluded and natural. An ideal place for study on-campus.
  384. IWL: H.P. Lovecraft
  385. Complexity factor (Lexical Density) :   90.3%
  386. Readability (Gunning-Fog Index) : (6-easy 20-hard)      7.3
  387. Average sentence length (words) :       10.2
  389. Creator's paragraph:
  391. The nature study area was far more interesting than I'd imagined... The range and frequency of animals was surprising, to say the least, such as a snake that slithered past us as soon as we got onto the main path. The vegetation was no less interesting; the grasses, most ubiquitous of plants, were in themselves more varied in color than some whole forests. And the surroundings... wonderfully separated from the world around. Only an occasional car horn or jet engine broke the sound of nature. It's a wonderful place overall, for anyone doing outside research.
  393. IWL: David Foster Wallace
  394. Complexity factor (Lexical Density) :   96.2%
  395. Readability (Gunning-Fog Index) : (6-easy 20-hard)      8.3
  396. Average sentence length (words) :       12.13
  398.         To ensure verifiable results, it is essential that the transcriptions of both paragraphs be completely accurate. Body possession is useful here, though not necessary. Since the tulpa creator's sentience is (presumably) not in question, it is suggested that tulpa write their paragraph first. As with all tests relating to tulpa, the creator should focus on something else while their tulpa is working. Once finished, submit both of your paragraphs individually to the following websites:
  403.         If your writeprint is different (indicating significant psychological difference), then you should receive different values for your respective paragraphs on both sites. On Textalyser, focus on the Gunning-Fog Index, lexical density, and average sentence length values in particular. A more detailed analysis may be sought by downloading the JStylo stylometric analysis program here:
  405.         This test is certainly not exact, and it is very possible to (unconsciously or not) "cheat" to get good results.
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