“Hey, Del.

Jason came to visit today. I thought he was dead. Kelly and I both freaked out. He said he wanted to apologize. Lauren talked to him a lot, he kept asking to see me but dad eventually threw him out. Kelly and me asked Lauren about it later. She said Jason is just a kid, Garlandolf was disguised as him, but it’s possible he wasn’t much of an influence at all. Jason might have just been crappy on his own and realized it after I left. Anyway, I”

I hear a knock on the door, and hurriedly put my journal under my bed and call out. “Come in!”

Lauren opens the door, she doesn’t have her glasses on, she’s in something that somehow looks more like pajamas than what she usually wears. “Hey, Kelly’s not coming to bed. Can you talk to her?”

“Can’t you do it?” I ask. “Not that I don’t want to, I just… don’t know how.”

‘Well, for one I’m tired as shit.” My sister starts counting on her fingers and stares at the ceiling.  “Two, way more tired of being the only one that can talk to Kelly. Three, she probably needs you.”

“Yeah, but it’s weird. Like, she’s different now, and I don’t know how to talk to her like with me as an adult and not just her baby sister.”

“I know it’s weird for you, it’s weird for all of us, including her.” She sighs. “And you’re like 17, you’re not an adult yet. Just go be whatever. Then you can keep writing porn or whatever you do with your book thing when you’re done.”

She closes the door before I can yell back at her. She probably didn’t read any of it. It’s fine. I get up and double check to make sure Del’s still under the bed before heading out to the back porch. That’s where Kelly always used to go to be alone, so she’s probably there now.

As I open the back door, I hear humming and crickets. It’s really nostalgic, but I’ve only been away from home for a year. It’s not like they don’t have crickets in Japan, either. I turn my head to the right to see Kelly in the chair that replaced her old one.

“How do you like it?” I ask, closing the door behind me and sitting down next to her.

She stares at me for a bit, then to the fence that separates our backyard from the weird forest. “You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

“...That’s fair. I was asking about the chair, but I guess ‘How is everything’ works.”

“This chair kinda sucks. What happened to the old one?”  She asks almost innocently.

“One of our uncles sat on it and broke it cause it wasn’t used for awhile. Mom was really mad.”

That gets a laugh out of Kelly. “Which uncle?”

“I have no idea, I can’t keep track of them.”

“That’s fair, I guess.” She giggles and looks back to the forest bear protector dad installed a few years ago. “So like… we haven’t really gotten to talk one on one since… 9 years ago, I guess.” She laughs. “What’s up with you?”

“Oh, uh… you know pretty much everything.” I sigh. “Met Jason, learned Duel Monsters, met Yasha, went to school in Japan and brought you back from the dead. Nothing much.”

“Right, but like…” She trails off. “I guess to start, how’d the ‘oh wait i’m gay’ thing go for you?”

“Uh… Yasha.” Is the best reply I can offer.

“Well, how did you meet her?” She asks. This is going into heavy territory, I start to get a bit tense and look for traces of dad.

“Jason and I ended up qualifying for a tournament over in Europe. We got far enough in the national level stuff, and his parents paid for us to go. Jason and I ended up dueling each other, and he just kinda humiliated me. Overplaying after he was guaranteed to win, doing everything he could to try and tilt me before that. I just kinda lost it and surrendered.”

“Jeez…” Kelly sounds actually kinda shocked. “I guess that is something to apologize for.”

“But,” I continue to get to the happy part of the story.  “he went up against Yasha next and she wiped the floor with him. She found me after the tournament and told me that my boyfriend was a jerk and that I deserved better. Immediately after, I broke up with Jason.”

“Aww, and you got a BIG crush on her for saving you.” Kelly teases me, I blush a bit.

“K-kinda? I went home and tried to see if I could find anything about her to see if I could meet her again at another tournament. I found out she went to Duel Academy in Domino and, like… I asked mom and dad if I could enroll. They told Lauren I could get into a good school, but they needed money. Lauren didn’t really ask questions, and I just kinda. Moved to Japan. I went to the same school as Yasha, and I was just kinda awkward around her for awhile.”

“And then you confeeeeeeeessed.” Kelly teases me again.

“I tried. I asked her to dance at Christmas last year. It didn’t go great. She ran away and Trena attacked her for not saying anything back and like... It was the worst.”

“But she did say yes, right?” Kelly asks, almost sounding concerned. Maybe she realized this isn’t a thing to talk about in a place dad could hear. Maybe.

“Yeah, she texted me a few days later. I went to her house and we talked and I let slip that I really liked her and we were both weird, but we agreed to be girlfriends and stuff.”

“Awww, it does have a happy end.” Kelly stands up and hugs me. “I’m so proud of you, Kari.” She lets go and just sits on the stairs. “That chair sucks, wanna just sit over here?”

“Sure.” I get up and follow her, sitting to her right, staring at the same fence as before.

“Today was weird.” She says, like she just now decided it. “The past everything’s been weird. I’m glad you have someone to help you out.”

“Yeah, she’s really good. I’m glad you guys got along.”

“I mostly just had that green hair girl be really awkward to me until I mentioned Toku stuff, but yeah, meeting her went okay enough.” She gives me a sideways hug that I lean into. “She seems good for you.”

“Yeah.” I take a deep breath. “She helps me a lot, I just feel like I drag her down. I really don’t get why she likes me.”

“You both seem obsessed with your older sisters?” Kelly laughs, I shoot her another ‘please stop’ kinda look. “Sorry, it’s a joke. You’re good too, don’t forget that.”

“No, like… I have a bunch of brain stuff, I started seeing a therapist and like.” I pause to think of the right way to word this. “Yasha puts up with a lot of my brain stuff that she shouldn’t have to.”

“Ah, brain stuff. The family’s national pastime.” She laughs. “It’s cool, I get it. I’ve never been in a relationship, but I’m pretty sure girlfriends are there to help you with that ‘cause they love you and junk.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Or at least that’s what anime taught me.” She looks off for a bit, but returns her eyes to me. “Kari, I don’t know if you know this, but I was in hell for almost a decade. My people skills are very rusty from all the fire.”

I laugh. “Yeah, but you’re still the cool older sister that teaches me how to do stuff I don’t know how to do.”

“I can’t tell you how to help whatever brain stuff you have cause we’re not the same person. That’s why we have brain people, Kari.”

“Hey, Kelly…” I ask. “How do you deal with it? Like, brain stuff.”

“Uhh… I just… kinda don't.” I stare at her, then at my feet. The silence between us is filled by crickets and scratching mosquito bites. “I just go with it and try and enjoy the ride.”

“What do you mean?” I look at her again as I ask, leaning back and using my arms as support.

“i keep expecting Garlandolf to pop back up and say the past like… two weeks have been fake.” She leans forward so I can't see her face. “It's never taken this long before. It's never felt, like… real.”

“You don’t think I'm real?” I blurt out without thinking. I quickly shift my face away, even if she wasn't trying to look at me.

She doesn't say anything for awhile and just whispers loudly enough for me to hear. “I’m not sure…”

“Then what do you think I am?”

“A trick. The only way he could still get to me is having me admit stuff to my baby sister. An illusion of her that she grew up just like me and ended up just as broken.” Her voice cracks. “That's what I think you are.”

“...What if I'm real?”

“That's the fucked up part. Then I really am just seeing my worst nightmare happening, and the comfort of Garlandolf is more appealing.” She starts crying, the rest of her words are a bit hard to understand. “And I killed him. But, he still won. I'm just kinda 27. I couldn't protect mom for eight years of shit. I could have helped Lauren grieve more. I missed you growing up. I never got to see you get your first boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever and help, I didn't get to teach you Duel Monsters. ...I lost.”

“You didn't miss much with the boyfriend.” She looks over to me. “He wasn't great.” I shrug, trying to smile and lighten the mood.

“Yeah, I gathered.” Kelly sniffles. “Sorry, you don't need to hear your big sister say all this.”

“I mean, it's fine.” I lean forward to try and get through to her. “I know you're like, human and stuff. I had an ideal of you, but like… you went through a lot and I’m a lot older now...You're my sister and I love you, so I'm here to help.”

“No offense Kari, but you're like 17 and not a therapist. There's not a lot of help you can do.” She smiles at me a bit.

“Well, this is your worst fear, right?” My sister’s smile drops when I remind her of that. It might been a mistake, but I’m already saying it. “I haven't turned into a monster or anything.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” She pauses. “I don't think I can be your role model anymore, Kari.” I don’t say anything in response. “You need to find yourself. I don't even know who I am after all this, I can't help you. Like you ask stuff about dueling and life and stuff, but I have no idea what to say. You're a more experienced duelist than me at this point.”

“I don’t really think that’s true.” I try to laugh her off.

“Kari, I haven’t dueled in forever. There’s so many new cards, new rules. It’s hard to just throw myself back at it.” She wipes the last of her tears away, her voice just sounds like it’s running on fumes. “You dueled that pink girl, right? I saw a bunch of your old duels in that Super Junior thing. You’re really good.”

“Haha, I don’t know abo-”

“Kari, you pulled out a monster with 8000 attack from nowhere when you were going to lose, like, next turn” Kelly interrupts more of my self depreciation. “You dueled the crap out of everyone that threw themselves at you, in that gauntlet thing and everything else too.”

“Oh, yeah.” I sigh. “But like… I lost. I let Yasha down. I didn’t want to see Kachidoki hurt her, she already got beat up super hard by the other guys.”

“They had a one turn kill and had a huge mental and physical advantage over you. There was literally no way you or Yasha could’ve won that.” She sighs. “You won everything up to that point, that is really impressive. You should both be super proud.”

“I guess.”

“You’re a good duelist. So is she. You just freak out when that guy’s around, that’s it.” She looks at me intensely to make sure her words sink in. “That other duel you had with him, it was the same thing. You were scared and tried not to show it.”

“I thought you were done giving me advice and stuff.” I stare back.

“I am. This is just me giving perspective.” She shifts over so she’s leaning on me. “That guy’s dueling is fucked up, and you’re not the one that can handle it. Especially if Yasha’s with you.” Her words hurt a lot. “Like, just because you can’t beat one specific guy doesn’t mean you’re not a good duelist.”

“Yeah, but I should be able to.” I sigh. “If it’s just fear that’s stopping me, then I’m not that great of a duelist, am I?

“Well, depends on why you’re afraid. Are you just scared of losing?”

“That’s part of it. I was crazy stressed before that. I didn’t think I could do it, but we didn’t know we were dueling Kachidoki until he just kinda showed up.”

“What about his partner?” Kelly asks.

“She’s fine, I guess.”

“But she uses the same dueling style.” She points out, sounding like she’s expecting an explanation.

“Uh…” I pause. “I don’t reall like… guys.”

“Kari, I don’t know how to tell you this, but...” She pauses and looks me right in the eyes. “That’s what being a lesbian means.”

“No, like.” I take a deep breath. “I get really stressed out really quickly when guys touch me. That guy is like doing that a lot and also specifically trying to hurt me.”

“...Did like something happen with a guy, or…” She stares at me, but I don’t respond. She leans off of me and stands up. “Where’s that Jason kid live?”

“It’s fine. I’m in therapy, he tried his best to apologize. I don’t want him any more involved in stuff than he has to be.” I drag Kelly back down to the porch with me. We sit in silence for awhile.

“You want any advice?” Kelly asks, still staring at the crappy wire fence in our back yard. “A good good last big sister advice of all time… or at least for awhile?”

“...Sure.”

“Don’t fight battles you know you can’t win. Know your limits.” She pulls back off of me and stands up. “You gotta grind and make yourself stronger if you want to take on the last boss. Sometimes you gotta grind your duel stat, sometimes you gotta grind your brain stuff stat.”

I don’t say anything for a bit, that’s kinda… a weird thought, but I think I get it. “That makes sense, I think.”

“Really?” Kelly asks, looking back at me and trying not to laugh. “I was just saying words, I don’t know if they’re applicable.”

“Well, I think they are. It’s really good last sister advice.” I smile at her. “Thanks sis. I love you. I think I know what to do when I get back to Japan.”

Kelly grabs my hand and pulls me up into a hug. “I love you too, Sylvia.”

“I told you that you can call me Kari.” I muffle into her shoulder.

“Yeah, but I want to call you Sylvia. I need to stay with the times, you know?” She holds me tighter. “You’re basically all grown now, I should call you by the name you want to be called and not just basically Kelly Jr.”

I laugh at that. “Being Kelly Jr. isn’t so bad. I have an okay life if you think about it.”

“Yeah, but you’re Sylvia. And you still have that life. I appreciate you taking over as Kelly for me while I was gone, but…” She trails off. “I’m back now. You can be Sylvia.”

“...Thanks sis.” I say as the weird long sister hug’s finally broken.

“How about we go see a movie?” She asks. “Not tonight, but tomorrow. We can get ice cream and stuff after and you can catch me up on everything.”

“Uh…” I think for a bit. “There’s a new Avengers movie, you might be into that.”

“...They make Avengers movies?” She stares at me, eyes wide.

“Oh, yeah. I guess you haven't been around for that.”

“Are they good?”

“Well they're pretty hit and miss, I haven’t seen all of them. There was one called Guardians of the Galaxy that was really cool.” She stares at me. “Kel-”

“They made a fucking Guardians of the Galaxy movie?” She practically yells, probably waking up our very far away neighbors.

“Y-yeah, it was pretty good. Vin Diesel is a tree and I cried.” I paused for a bit, she seems amazed at this. “Do you wanna watch it?”

“I’m going to tell Lauren to torrent it. Does bittorrent still exist?” Kelly says this like I’m expected to know what it is. I just kinda shrug. “We'll make her invent it again. I need to show you Kamen Rider anyway.”

“Well, Lauren’s asleep right now I’m pretty sure.” I try to reply to calm her down.

“Oh, yeah. Tomorrow, we’ll do that.” She takes a second to think. “I have an idea for something to do before bed, though. Follow me.”

Kelly drags me through the house and into the kid’s bathroom, she flicks on the lights and starts searching around in the cabinets for something. She mutters to herself until she finds it and let’s out a little victory yay. “Okay, Kar-, uh, Sylvie. I found some of mom’s hair dye. You two have really similar natural hair colors, and changing it from red to black is probably the same as grey to black.”

I stare at her. “Are you sure about that?”

“I haven’t done this in 9 years, but it’s like riding a bike probably.” Kelly says, tossing a towel at me to wrap my torso in.

Some time passes, she asks me about all sorts of stuff as she helps me dye it back. Pendulum, what kind of decks I’ve run, other people in Domino, cool new cards she should try. When she’s done, I take a while to stare at myself with black hair in a plastic cap and red eyes.

“So, how do you feel?” Kelly asks, super chipper.

“Like even more of an anime character.” I remark back.

Kelly just laughs back at me. “That’s not a bad thing. It’s probably the eyes though, lemme go get your contact case thingy.”

As she leaves the room, I can just stare at myself in the mirror. Worrying about Yasha and everyone back in Domino starts to takes over, but I’m sure they’re fine. It doesn’t have much time to bother me before Kelly pops back in the room. She makes small talk and stuff while I take out my lens.

I can’t really see the new me that well. The mirror’s not super clean, mom probably hasn’t cleaned it in forever and dad’d never do it. Plus, losing my vision correction powers isn’t helping either. But also, it feels kinda appropriate in a weird way.

Kelly and I talk for a bit longer, but I’m just keeping an eye on the clock to see when I can rinse my hair and everything. Êventually, the alarm on my phone rings and I lay my head in the sink and wash out the dye. Kelly grabs my old glasses she found in my room so I can see what I look like.

“Well, what do you think now?” She asks.

“I feel like I time traveled.” I smile at her. “I can’t wait to freak people out with this.”

“That’s the spirit!” Kelly grabs me by the shoulders and looks me in the eye. “I hereby name thee, Sylvia Singer. Grown woman, semi pro duelist and the best baby sister in the world.” She pulls me into another hug. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, sis.” I put my arms around her too. “...Do you think we can get me new contacts before I get back? I really hate glasses.”

“...We’ll try.”