(2:31:34 PM) Tim: schizophrenia.. you'd be like
(2:31:35 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: this is the part where we get to the part i don't like talkinga bout
(2:31:38 PM) Tim: hearing thigs
(2:31:40 PM) Tim: seeing stuff
(2:32:06 PM) Tim: or where you're paranoid about everything
(2:32:18 PM) Tim: like you don't remember that pen being there before
(2:32:35 PM) Tim: or someone is stealing my bottled water
(2:34:13 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: well the part that also worries me is about my ocd getting worse and worse
(2:34:26 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: then the fact with my family's history of schizophrenia
(2:34:40 PM) Tim: you'd know if you had OCD
(2:34:56 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: combined with the fact that a good chuck of people with ocd willd evelop schizophrenia or how they're at a higher risk factor
(2:34:57 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: no
(2:34:57 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i do
(2:34:59 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i know i do
(2:35:04 PM) Tim: you'd be standing there turning the light switch on and off because you did it wrong the first 40 times
(2:35:06 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: anybody who's around me for longer than a few hours knows i do
(2:35:13 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: you and i haven't hung out yet
(2:35:22 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: it's something almost everybody noticies given a long enough period of time
(2:35:39 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: at first things just come off as "quirks" or "odd things you do" but no it gets pretty bad
(2:35:57 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i count my footsteps and make sure i take even number of steps with each foot on different colors / types of pavement / flooring for example
(2:36:05 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: and i don't step on any of the cracks and will go out of my way to avoid doing so
(2:36:11 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: and i used to do the lightswitch thing
(2:36:11 PM) Tim: do you count your steps everywhere you go, do you have to walk a certain amount of steps out of certain rooms
(2:36:26 PM) Tim: have you gone back into a room just to walk back out the "right way"
(2:36:27 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: or if i bump into thigns with one side of my body i have to bump into something else with the other side to even it out
(2:36:31 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: yes
(2:36:42 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: or even with twitter, all of my tweets
(2:36:49 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: the character counter says how many characters are remaining
(2:37:02 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: and i make sure that number is always at an interval of 5, or alternately a number i like such as 111 or 123
(2:37:05 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: or 24
(2:37:17 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: every. single. one.
(2:37:29 PM) Tim: why
(2:37:33 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i'm compulsive about washing my hands and they're NEVER dirty because i usually carry hand santatizer around with me because i'ma  huge germ freak
(2:37:38 PM) Tim: what do you tell youself
(2:37:40 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: or the volume on the tv has to be the same way with the numbers
(2:37:45 PM) Tim: "I have to do this because"
(2:38:03 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: or if they're a nobby one like my computer speakers they it has to go in certain notches and it doesn't go past a certain point because it's never been turned up past there
(2:38:05 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i don't know
(2:38:06 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i just do it
(2:38:08 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: and i have to do it
(2:38:10 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: and it bothers me if it's wrong
(2:38:22 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: and if it's wrong i have to fix it
(2:38:35 PM) Tim: people with OCD do the stuff or else something bad will happen
(2:38:53 PM) Tim: because one time they did it wrong and an earthquake happened that day in california
(2:39:12 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: the one that's really bad is organizing anything because i'll start lining everything up and fixing thigns but i really have to watch that one because if i do it i have a very difficult time stopping
(2:39:31 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: that's ridiculous
(2:39:45 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i have never heard that
(2:39:57 PM) Tim: if you have no reasoning behind it then you might just want to see a psychologist because you might be building off of the paranoia from your cousin
(2:40:27 PM) Tim: im not trying to be mean or anything
(2:40:33 PM) Tim: and obviously im no professional
(2:40:43 PM) Tim: I could be wrong as all fuck
(2:41:17 PM) Tim: but every time I've read about people with OCD, they have a reasoning  behind it
(2:41:27 PM) Tim: they HAVE to do it a certain way so theyr kids don't die
(2:41:47 PM) Tim: its always out of fear
(2:41:58 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: it just bothers me
(2:41:59 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: and no
(2:42:04 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i'm not building off paranoia from my cousin
(2:42:07 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: because that has gone
(2:42:07 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: on
(2:42:07 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: for
(2:42:08 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: ever
(2:42:21 PM) Tim: your cousins problem has
(2:42:23 PM) Tim: ?*
(2:42:41 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: no
(2:42:42 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: mine
(2:43:09 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: go download the movie, "as good as it gets"
(2:43:11 PM) Tim: well what happened to you when you were under 5
(2:43:15 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i cannot tell you how many times i've been compared to him
(2:46:06 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i'm not debating the ocd here
(2:46:14 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: you can ask anyone who's been around me for a considerable amount of time
(2:46:22 PM) Tim: im not either
(2:46:25 PM) Tim: its just weird
(2:46:35 PM) Tim: I believe you commit the acts of OCD
(2:46:49 PM) Tim: I just don't think it's the actual disease of OCD
(2:46:57 PM) Tim: without an underlying cause
(2:49:06 PM) Tim: as far as I know people don't just get OCD the same way you're born with dyslexia or a case of the gays
(2:51:41 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: idk what caused it but i know i've had it for near as long as i can remember
(2:51:46 PM) Tim: you've never thought "I have to do this because ___ " ?
(2:52:01 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: no
(2:52:06 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: it's just because it's wrong or it bothers me
(2:52:52 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: oh the other really bad one is i have to sit on a certain side of the table if we go out to eat somewhere. usually it's the side of the table like, further away. so after being seated i have to walk PAST the table and sit down
(2:53:03 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: again i don't know why it just bothers me if it's wrong
(2:53:10 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: and i can't get over it
(2:53:10 PM) Tim: facing the exit?
(2:53:13 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: and it'll ruin everything
(2:53:16 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: facing where i came from yes
(2:53:42 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i've tried to come up for explinations for a lot of them but most of the time i can't really come up with anything except for what i've told you
(2:54:33 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: it's bad enough to the point where people have teased me about it like changing the volume and refusing to put it to a number i'm comfortable with and stuff literally just to be a dick
(2:54:43 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: and like physically restraining me to not be able to fix it
(2:54:50 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: and it has brought me to tears because it will bother me so bad
(2:55:11 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: and i'll throw a fit. ;v
(2:55:13 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: :V*
(2:56:13 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i can sometimes ignore some things like if somebody's determiend to have the volume a certain way i'll fix it then turn away and not WATCH them change it even though i know they did change it and it's probably wrong but i'm able to convince myself that it's okay or they have it somewhere acceptable and stuff like that as long as i'm not watching it being wrong
(2:56:14 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: if that makes sense
(2:56:59 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: they're just irrational thoughts/obsessions
(2:57:48 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: if they get to the point of ruining or controlling my life i find ways to fix them or get them managable or work on learning how to just ignore them but overall i'm pretty comfortable with how they are right now and i'm pretty okay with my quirks and i like them where they are so i don't worry about it
(2:57:53 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: i can live happily with them
(2:57:59 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: but this isn't what we were discussing.......
(3:00:05 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: for example i used to eat my food in alphabetical order. :V
(3:00:24 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: but i fixed that and now i'm okay with just eating my food by eating all of everything at once before i move on to the next thing
(3:00:43 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: but i sometimes make exceptions ilke i like to save myf avourite thing for last so if something is really good i like to leave the middle of it
(3:00:51 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: TALK TO ME I FEEL WEIRD AND LIKE YOU'RE JUDGING ME AND HATE ME NOW
(3:01:18 PM) lifesriver@gmail.com: Sometimes these ordering, arranging and counting compulsions are carried out to ward off potential danger (“If I arrange my desk perfectly my husband won’t die in a car accident”); however, this is not always the case.