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Nov 23rd, 2017
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  1. TRUMPETS!
  2.  
  3. I HAVE SOME JOKES, RATHER, 100% FACTUAL STATEMENTS FOR YOU GUYS:
  4.  
  5. •IF YOU EVER FIND A COKE MACHINE THAT WILL STILL DISPENSE GLASS BOTTLES BUY ONE AND LOOK AT THE BOTTOM. ON THE BOTTOM OF THE GLASS IT WILL TELL YOU WHERE IT WAS BOTTLED (ATLANTA, ETC.). HOWEVER, IF YOU FIND A COKE MACHINE IN ATHENS THAT HAS GLASS BOTTLES AND LOOK AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GLASS ALL IT WILL SAY IS "OPEN OTHER END".
  6.  
  7. •DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE GT STUDENT WHO FAILED OUT AND TRANSFERRED TO u[sic]ga? HE IMMEDIATELY RAISED THE GPA OF BOTH SCHOOLS.
  8.  
  9. •A gEORGIA FOOTBALL PLAYER WAS ALMOST KILLED YESTERDAY IN A TRAGIC HORSEBACK-RIDING ACCIDENT. HE FELL FROM A HORSE AND WAS NEARLY TRAMPLED TO DEATH. LUCKILY, THE MANAGER OF THE WAL-MART CAME OUT AND UNPLUGGED THE HORSE.
  10.  
  11. •THREE DWAG PLAYERS ARE IN THE SAME CAR. WHO IS DRIVING?
  12. THE COPS.
  13.  
  14. •WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU PUT 32 gEORGIA CHEERLEADERS IN ONE ROOM?
  15. A FULL SET OF TEETH.
  16.  
  17. •u[sic]ga COACH KIRBY SMART IS ONLY GOING TO DRESS HALF OF HIS PLAYERS FOR THE GAME THIS SATURDAY. THE OTHER HALF WILL HAVE TO DRESS THEMSELVES.
  18.  
  19. •HOW DO YOU SINK A SUBMARINE MANNED BY u[sic]ga FANS?
  20. HIRE A DIVER TO KNOCK ON THE HATCH.
  21.  
  22. •HOW DO DWAG FANS TELL THEIR AGE?
  23. THEY CHECK THE NUMBER OF RINGS IN THE BATHTUB.
  24.  
  25. •WHAT DO YOU CALL A FEMALE u[sic]ga FAN WITH TWO BRAIN CELLS?
  26. PREGNANT.
  27.  
  28. •HOW DO YOU GET A gEORGIA GRAD OFF YOUR PORCH?
  29. PAY THEM FOR THE PIZZA.
  30.  
  31. •DID YOU KNOW THAT THEY DON’T HAVE ANY ICE IN u[sic]ga’S CAFETERIA? APPARENTLY, THE ONLY KID WHO KNEW THE RECIPE GRADUATED.
  32.  
  33. •ONE DAY, IN AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL IN ATHENS, GA, A TEACHER ASKS HER CLASS IF THE u[sic]ga BULLDOGS ARE THEIR FAVORITE FOOTBALL TEAM. THE WHOLE CLASS SAYS YES, EXCEPT FOR LITTLE JIMMY. THE TEACHER ASKS, “WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FOOTBALL TEAM, JIMMY?”. LITTLE JIMMY SAYS “THE GEORGIA TECH YELLOW JACKETS”. THE TEACHER ASKS, “WELL, WHY IS THAT?”. LITTLE JIMMY SAYS, “WELL, MY DAD IS A YELLOW JACKETS FAN, MY MOM IS A YELLOW JACKETS FAN, I GUESS THAT MAKES ME A YELLOW JACKETS FAN.” THE TEACHER, ANGERED BY HIS REPLY SAYS, “IF YOUR DAD WAS A MORON AND YOUR MOM WAS AN IDIOT, WHAT WOULD THAT MAKE YOU?”. LITTLE JIMMY SAYS, “WELL, I GUESS THAT WOULD MAKE ME A gEORGIA FAN.”
  34.  
  35. •u[sic]ga’S ENGINEERING SCHOOL
  36.  
  37. •THE u[sic]ga FOOTBALL TEAM WAS PLACED IN A REMEDIAL ENGLISH CLASS. THE PROFESSOR ASKED THE CLASS, “DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT COMES AFTER A SENTENCE?”. ALL OF THE PLAYERS RAISED THEIR HANDS. “THE APPEAL,” THEY SHOUTED WITH BULLDOG PRIDE.
  38.  
  39. •TOP 10 CLASSES AT u[sic]ga:
  40. 1) PHILOSOPHY: WHY DON'T THEY SPELL IT WITH AN "F" ?
  41. 2) PRE-LAW SEMINAR: AGE OF CONSENT IN 50 STATES
  42. 3) SANDWICH MAKING: A PROJECT COURSE
  43. 4) HAND-SHADOW WORKSHOP
  44. 5) SUBTRACTION: ADDITION'S TRICKY FRIEND
  45. 6) CLIFF'S NOTES VS. MONARCH NOTES: 2 VIEWS OF THE CLASSICS
  46. 7) HOOKED ON PHONICS
  47. 8) THE COLLEGE CLASSROOM: A SIMULATION
  48. 9) ABC'S: AN EXTENDED VERSION
  49. 10) LITERATURE: COLORING INSIDE THE LINES
  50.  
  51. •HOW MANY u[sic]ga STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?
  52. ONE, BUT HE GETS AN ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING DEGREE FOR IT.
  53.  
  54. •WHY DOES u[sic]ga HAVE HEDGES AROUND THEIR FIELD?
  55. THEY HAVE TO FEED THE HOMECOMING QUEEN SOMETHING.
  56.  
  57. •u[sic]ga'S LIBRARY BURNED DOWN THIS PAST WEEKEND. FORTUNATELY THE BUILDING WAS EMPTY. THE REAL TRAGEDY IS THAT BOTH BOOKS WERE LOST IN THE FLAMES, AND ONE OF THEM HADN'T EVEN BEEN COLORED YET.
  58.  
  59. •WHY DO u[sic]ga GRADS KEEP THEIR DIPLOMAS ON THEIR DASHBOARDS?
  60. SO THEY CAN PARK IN HANDICAP SPACES.
  61.  
  62. •WHAT DO u[sic]ga FANS AND GEORGIA TECH FANS HAVE IN COMMON?
  63. NEITHER OF THEM WENT TO u[sic]ga.
  64.  
  65. •WHAT HAS 3 TEETH, 1000 LEGS, AND AN IQ OF 65?
  66. THE FRONT ROW OF SANFORD STADIUM.
  67.  
  68. •THREE u[sic]ga STUDENTS DIED LAST NIGHT WHILE DRINKING MILK.... THE COW FELL ON THEM.
  69.  
  70. •"THEY SAY IF YOU DRIVE REAL SLOW THROUGH ATHENS, GEORGIA, WITH YOUR WINDOWS DOWN, THEY'LL THROW A DIPLOMA THROUGH YOUR WINDOW. I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT'S NOT TRUE - YOU'VE GOT TO STOP." - LEWIS GRIZZARD
  71.  
  72. •WHAT DOES THE AVERAGE gEORGIA PLAYER GET ON HIS SAT?
  73. DROOL
  74.  
  75. •TWO u[sic]ga FOOTBALL PLAYERS WERE WALKING IN THE WOODS. ONE OF THEM SAID, "LOOK, A DEAD BIRD." THE OTHER LOOKED UP IN THE SKY AND SAID, "WHERE?"
  76.  
  77. GET READY TRUMPETS, I'M READY FOR THE BIGGEST BEATDOWN OF DAWGS SINCE MICHAEL VICK PLAYED FOR THE FALCONS.
  78.  
  79. FUCK THE DWAGS!
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