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This was half a year after I'd started meditating every day, after a few years of practicing irregularly. I did 16 micrograms of 2cb with a friend, had a mild but very nice trip. I feel very happy in the days that follow, and I'm much more outgoing than usual; I feel more socially competent. Another few days later I had a 10-day academic conference abroad. Just before leaving for the airport, I take a few puffs from a friend's joint, which usually would barely be noticeable for me, but this time felt pretty strong. On the way to the airport, I practice mindfulness, with what felt like greater success than ever, and I have an epiphany of sorts, which leads me to practice every waking moment. I didn't really have any guiding system, just what I'd read in a book that recommended meditation for more effective studying. During the conference, I rented an apartment with a few PhD students, who are a pretty competitive bunch, which I wasn't well-quipped to handle back then. I kept experiencing very strong attention and mindfulness, and the conference was a very stimulating environment. I had another strange experience during the first day of the conference (at least a thousand people walking around, discussing posters), where it seemed to me that I sensed people's emotions and thoughts; I didn't think I had psychic powers, or anything supernatural, but a suddenly much clearer understanding of people than ever before, At the same time, it felt like my attention had been pried open and too much information was flowing in. Over the remaining days of the conference, my attitude towards people shifted rapidly. I was angry at some of the other students, who would constantly try to one-up each other in every way possible, and try to manipulate one another (manipulate might be a strong word for what they did, which they could have read in a book like How to win friends and influence people; but it felt manipulative to me). We drank every evening, and I meditated every morning. I started becoming increasingly cynical, and basically adopted the attitude that if everyone apparently is a Machiavellian chessmaster-wannabe, then I will beat them at their own game, which my attention "powers" easily could give me. I experienced great success with this, resulting in a power trip unlike anything I've tried before or since. I weave some sort of Darwinian narrative which justifies this.

I took that attitude home with me. I'll skip several strange incidents, because this is getting long enough (and I don't feel like sharing everything), but I kept experiencing that I can easily manipulate people, even without really doing anything (in hindsight, I explain this as a mix of my own confirmation bias and people's suggestibility). I abstain from fapping (since before the conference), which makes me more stressed but also more dominating and focused. I get very rapid mood swings, which is noticed by others, and I can't relax in social settings, because I put everyone on edge, so I have to fix this by controlling how everyone feels (seemingly successfully, though in hindsight, I think I was in actual psychosis territory at that point). I smoke more weed, and feel extremely paranoid (which I've never had before despite occasional heavy use), but keep my cool on the surface. I notice that my own and other people's bodies engage in constant communication of internal attitudes through involuntary twitches and postures, which is amplified on weed, but is always present (I still believe this, but it doesn't disturb me now).  I tell my supervisor that I feel strange, just before going to my parents for Christmas, where the nightmare continues; I act differently towards my family, who in turn act differently towards me, and it feels alien and very uncomfortable. Home again, I take 20 micrograms of lsd, and smoke a joint with a friend. I have a spiritual epiphany, but in the middle of it, I realize that I'm probably just crazy from the drugs. New year's eve, I go out with friends, and I'm finally starting to feel apprehensive about doing more drugs, but I get talked into taking 10 mg 2cb. During the evening, and over the next days my attitude towards people shifts again, to overly loving, but there is an undercurrent of cynical analysis, which I try to ignore in an effort to make the loving attitude sincere. I feel horrible about myself, and I finally admit that I'm having mental health problems, and call my mom. I don't tell her about the drugs, or the context I've provided here (I didn't connect many of these dots until later, if they indeed should be connected), but she makes me swear that I will take a break from meditation (she's had some bad experiences with Zen in her youth, though she refuses to go into detail, and explains it as demonic influence - my parents are Christian of the old-fashioned evangelical school of thought). From then on, my previous confidence is swiftly replaced by insecurity and depression, but I also start deconstructing my newly acquired mental habits; for one, I notice that I've been using one hypothesis (roughly, "everyone is unconsciously driven to gain as much power as possible and while they may believe they are good people, this is a lie") to explain all of people's behavior, and I concede that this does not make sense. I still experienced disturbing episodes over the next few months, but gradually came back to my normal self. I'm not sure how much of what I experienced was real, but some of what I discovered has stayed with me or even deepened, I've just adopted healthier attitudes and explanations towards it; I read a lot of cognitive neuroscience, and I've since discovered books like The mind illuminated and Mastering the core teachings of the Buddha (actually through Scott's review of the latter), which I've kind of combined into a worldview that lets me make sense of such experiences, though I'm not sure how much of it is on point. I've read some of your blog as well, it's pretty great :) Nowadays, I'm much more cautious, and hopefully wiser than I was two years ago, and I've done lsd a couple of times since, with good experiences. I decided never to mix any drugs again, and always have long breaks in between. I've decided not to do 2cb again, because it's associated with mental health risk; a shame because it's my favorite psychedelic.