aaaawwwe121212

okay
well after highshcool i met  this group of lgbt friends
they introduced me to this community full of people like that
i hung around, became well known
people started to ship me and this guy named alex
"we want the 2 cutest people to get together"
and he started talking to me
saying he was visiting a friend in san francisco which is like 45 mins away
and i was like oh maybe we could hang out i live near
and he came and hung out with me
we hit it off really well
stayed together for a week, then he had to go back home
and i was like super fucking sad
he ended up being trans
and going by Isla
but yeah so now SHE sees me sad
offers me to come stay with her for a bit
and i was lost in life so i said okay
she lived about 6 hours awya
so we go there
really nice house
and we live with each other for like 2 weeks
everything seemed fine till out of nowhere she tells me
"i been using you to forget about my ex but my ex has came back around a couple days ago and i think i want to pursue her"
he kicks me out of the  room, makes me sleep downstairs
she
w/e
i hear her skyping with her thru the walls for like
3 weeks straight
straight miserable
her mom ended up loving me
was like "we need to get you back home this is to miserable for you"
then on like the last day of me being there she runs down the stairs and begs her mom for plane tickets to see her ex
and it broke my heart
so i went back home on a bus
when i got home i was heart broken
and the friend she was supposed to hang out with
i dont even remember her name because of some mental block
some trans person
shes like "hey i heard about what isla did to you, if you ever need a friend to hang out with im here"
so yeah i took up the offer
i went and hung out with her for pride
and we were friends before all of this anyways
so i had trusted her
she takes me around san francisco
and then takes me back to her house
and i was gunna stay the night
so when we get there
i was with a boy named Tom at this point
it was like a month after me and isla
and when im with her in her house
she starts trying to lewd me
and touch me
and im like no get away i have a boyfriend i dont want to do this
and she tries like 3 times
gives up
asks me "do you really not wanna do anything" and i say yeah
and shes like okay
so i thought everything was okay
then when i was sleeping
like 3 am
i wake up to her choking me nearly to death
and she started to fuck me
and i couldnt even speak
after like 10 minutes of trying to squirm out of her grasp i finally got her hand off my neck and screamed stop
and she stopped
but at that point she was basically done
and she just kept saying "you were being such a cocktease the whole day"
and didnt say sorry
so i got my clothes on and ran out the door
and late night san fran is fucking terrifying
like a nightmare
luckily my mom was around cus shes homeless and lived there
i met up with my mom
she questions stuff
i end up telling her and that i needed to gtfo
she was about to murder that girl
i was so scared she would
but she took me to the bus stop
or train
i got on the train
or no she
took care of me the rest of the day
and i watched pride out the window of her friends house
and then she takes me to the train
and i get on
i get to san jose at like 9 pm
take the 45 min bus ride to my city
get there at like 11
all the buses arent working
i call my bf
tell him what happened
he accuses me of cheating
this is important cus it caused huge problems in our relationship down the road
and i was basically stuck hours away from my house
so i walked like 11 miles in sandals
got to my aunts vacation rental and stayed the night
tried fixing things with my bf
finally got thru to him
then basically just
tried to live life
blocking it all out
but yeah after that I went to college
focused on my bf at the time
Then like after 4 months of that I found out he was cat fishing me all along
Lies about age, height, his everything
didn't actually work but went to high school
and at that point I had to make a decision
I was madly in love with him
I should have broken up with him
But I stayed
But he grew scared of me
Accusing me of only staying with him cus I was scared to be alone
that I didn't actually like him
so we grew distant a little
Which made him very skeptical about me
so the only way I could fix his jealousy issues was letting him have all my login info
and it was sort of working out
till this one day he saw my dms of me talking with this guy
He accused me of emasterbating with him
cus we both said some stuff that made it seem that way but we werent
and he posts my nudes in my guilds discord
Tells them I'm edating one of their worst enemies
they call me backstabber
I leave guild t
They post my nudes everywhere
and that game was ruined for me
So me and him broke up for like a week or two
And he comes back begging for me
and I take him back
Say sorry for cheating even though I didnt
Cus it was the only way to fix things
And I told him the only way I'll stay is if I get to see him irl
so we met up on christmas
And I stayed with him at his parents for a month straight
He lives 12 hours away on bus
Relationship ended up being the best evwr
Then i go back home
things were fine
And a month passes
I want to see him again
It was my 19th bday a couple days around the corner
I begged my mom to use my money on bus tickets to see him
and I got to go see him again
On my birthday week
and it was a nightmare
He ignored me for a week straight
Not taking me out cus of the big storm
Not watching movies
Hardly cuddling
always on computer
and i sat there and waited to see how much time of mine he would waste on my birthday
It stayed like that till the very last day
And I freak out on him
"I spent all my money to see you on my birthday and you don't even pay attention to me? When I get back home we're done for"
Then he just tells me "get out"
throws my stuff outside into like record breaking Cali storm
I sat there crying for hours
He completely ignored
His mom was trying to get me to wait till she got home but I was heart broken
I called up my friend that lives near
been friends with him for a very long time
he buys me a 300$ Uber to get to him
Was expensive cus of detours, closed roads from flooding
Get to his house
crying super fucking hard in his arms
And he hits me with the
"you have to repay me for that Uber ride"
he forces me into a maid outfit and ties me down to his mattress
makes me do shit to him
and i was sort of okay I'll go with it
I felt miserable
gave him what he wanted
He took me home after all that
Broken
Lonely
After a bit I tried to date again
Like 3 months
Found the most perfect boy I ever met in my life
We go on a date
Did lewd stuff in the theaters
And I felt like
really good about it
I wasn't scared
then after the dates over
His mom texts him saying she knew what he was doing
he skipped college class to see me
He was asian
Super strict parents
She forced him to get rid of me
then my ex
Messages me
Saying he knew what I did
And since we didn't officially say it was over
That I cheated on him again
By going on the date
And I'm like wtf
We weren't talking for months
And he manipulates me back into the whole mess
I let myself be emotionally abused
I was so hurt
I needed someone so bad
So I went back to him
And it was toxic for months and months
I was so dead
I couldn't do anything
I woke up
Raided on wow till 9 am
Slept
Repeat
Not eating for days
Out of nowhere he tells me
"me and this Indonesian girl have been hanging out, gunna go to the city with her and see where it goes"
I blocked him
everywhere I could
He ended up cheating on me after 2 years of accusing me
I nearly killed myself
Was put on suicide watch for a while
Stuck inside 24/7
Only thing I could do to make myself feelgood was doing my makeup then streaming
got good views
but it wasn't fully helping me
Started playing with this boy
Fell for him pretty hard but he was just using me for gold in-game
It was w.e
Didn't even hurt at that point
Moved on like couple days later
suicide watch finally over
can go outside without supervision
go to my aunts party for her son
her divorced husband, my uncle was there
at the end of the party he was supposed to take me home
We were alone together
He pulls me into the bathroom naked
and im like wtf
Not again
not again
Fuck
I run out
He gets everything on and gets in the car
catches up to me
Tells me to just get in and he'd take me home
He takes me home
and I hide in my room
For months
Ppl thought I was dead in theee
There
My dad had to check on me constantly
took like 2 months to even come out to talk
then my uncle starts hanging out with my dad constantly
Around the house
Felt like he was trying to keep me from telling anyone what he tried to do with me
I didn't want to ruin his life
he has a young son
I was scared
I didn't want to hurt my cousin
so I ran away
I didn't tell anyone
Where I went
My friend got me a passport and tickets to leave to canada
And I dissapeared
Lived up there for a year and a hallf
now I'm here..
still having major issues going outside
no motivation to live
wanting to kill myself all the time
can't even talk properly
idk what to do
im terrified
im going to live the rest of my short years like this
powerless
never in control of my own life from the day I graduated highschool
Scared to ask help
I don't want have to pay people back in some way like before
poopy buys me all this stuff
I'm afraid he's just another Dan
Maybe he'll expect me to do sexual stuff
when we hang out
So I been putting it to the side for a while
nearly drowned myself in canada
had to be supervised again for months