…ESTABLISHING PROTOCOL: NULL v.2.95….INICIATING….
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Today might be the 13th of Genzhen? Sometimes I lose track of time in here err--
Zaiek returned...I have no idea how he found me, but never before have I felt so uncertain about my future. Those threats he yelled still ring in my mind like church bells. The very fact that he doesn't seem angry has me on edge. Worst of all, he has a group behind him now....what happened to his involvement in the egg trade?
Ivan once told me that Zaiek was Black Talon....to think a man of such loose morals would be associated with my father's closest intelligence group...it perplexes me so much how he can be in so many organizations and not once has it blown up in his face. So far, at least. Maybe Black Talon found out about his illegal "side job" trafficking live creatures. It still sickens me how I was tricked into helping him with this business...
I can't avoid just remembering a time when he wasn't so engrossed in sin. I remember this one time when we were younger...the day he cried.
Though my memory isn't as great compared to that of a Nekuna's, I could still picture that scene where Zaiek came to our usual meeting place in the woods one day. His eyes etched into my mind with a tinge of fear within them, and disgust.
I remember he said:
"Starr...I'm glad you're here this time...I need you..."
Those words put me on edge, and I remember sitting next to him in a rush to see what was wrong. I wanted to know more, because unlike our other encounters at the time, this one showed a completely different young man. I never thought he was so sensitive until I stared into those compassionate eyes of his...he was so full of feeling but had literally no way of letting it all out properly. I can say he was even a prisoner in his own heart...
"What?" I said in confusion. I felt prompted to look around until Zaiek continued. He sat down and brought his knees in to hug them for comfort, then asked if I could just hug him.
When I hugged him, he told me that he had just been pushed to do something he really didn't want to do. Kept repeating "I'm not that bad...I couldn't...!"
I stayed silent while hugging him as he then began to sob. This was the first time I've ever seen him so distressed. "I feel like I'm losing my s-soul...but I can't get out..."
"..You're the only one that can give me peace, Starr.."
"Don't ever leave me....don't do it now...I'll lose myself if you leave my side...you're practically my soul.."
At the time I didn't really take that comment to heart, but now I do understand after this many years. I...really betrayed him....I left at a crucial moment of his life, threw his world upside down upon saving Shockwing and his family...and I live every day understanding why Zaiek reacted like he did. I abandoned him! How could I have ever known that Zaiek was Black Talon back then and that he was hurting badly? Had I known, I wouldn't have done what I did to ruin his business and his attempt at making a normal as possible life away from Black Talon. He was in the middle of escaping such an organization and I was the one that closed the only road he had to leaving it, threw him back in, and ran off with the rest of his hopes and dreams.
The price I had to pay? Scenneka died along with Shockwing's unborn sibling, his father vanished by Zaiek's hand...my head hurts just thinking about it. I drove him over the edge.
Now the eerie thing is that...he's acting as if nothing ever happened.
How would he react if he ever found out that I betrayed him one more time after he killed Scenneka...?
I know my life would be over if he ever learned that I am the one responsible for the capture of his beloved little sister, Zheya. Despite the masquerade of a charming, down to earth Casanova, those eyes show the cold blood he has and all the wrong this universe tries so hard to contain....but cannot any longer...