It's been an enormous amount of time since I had to write a journal about myself recounting the many and few things I do, the small and little things I say, the ups and downs of my emotions and lack of thereof, and the continuum of introspection—always peering and obsessively thinking into my brain. I am a 20-year-old college student studying physics, and for the past two years, I've been researching into my personality, to see if what I wanted to do in my future and life fit into my personality. I've been getting ESTP, INTP, ENTP, ISTP, ESFP, INFP, and ENTJ every time I take the test, and am vexed and demoralized. Knowing that I will, truthfully and depressingly, never understand who I am or what I want to do.

1) What aspect of your personality made you unsure of your type?
It's more so, that if I have a particular personality, that it will limit my possibilities to achieve individual goals in life. Also, I am unsure whether those aspects are nature related or ego related. Anyway, my enneagram is either a 2w3 or a 7w8.

2) What do you yearn for in life? Why?
Well, as a kid I wanted to become a physicist, to create and expand, and to contribute something to society. However, now, I am unsure what I would like to do in life and what my future is. I do think about it; it's just that my wants change more often than I would like to. Sticking to one interest is hard.

3) Think about a time where you felt like you were at your finest. Tell us what made you feel that way.
When I start getting sober after getting drunk, b/c my thoughts are completely uninhibited, and it's fun ranting about society and how shitty it can be at times. But truthfully, I had many fantastic phases, where, for example, when I played cello recitals and orchestra concerts where I had good performances. Also, when I did extremely well on academic tests, especially on my weak points like humanities.

4) What makes you feel inferior?
I feel like my intelligence is inferior, but regarding cultural inferiorities, I get berated for being loud, annoying, unaware of social cues, neurotic, and "insulting." I swear, if some other person says that I intruded on their beautiful world, I will procure a Daikatana from thin air and whack people's heads off.

5) What tends to weigh on your decisions? (Do you think about people, pro-cons, how you feel about it, etc.)
I go with whatever my fucking gut tells me, I do the do, and go with the flow. I go with my emotions and stipulations and whatever I can gain from life. However, then, my thought tells me otherwise, and I then devolve to a sulking and lazy guy that just starts thinking and introspecting about random crap.

6) When working on a project what is normally your emphasis? Do you like to have control of the outcome?
If I become deeply rooted within the project, I will put a lot of effort into, if not, then I will bear down. If the project allows me to learn something positive, then I will have a general good feeling about it. In general, I don't like writing humanities essays because I just do not have an opinion on the topic. However, if I do then, I want the reader to get something out of what I will try to convey.

7) Describe us a time where you had a lot of fun. How is your memory of it?
Most definitely when I did some form of psychedelic. The memory was great, everything looked different, and life seemed to come out of every object. I could most definitely feel the aura of life energy emanating from all living things.


8) When you want to learn something new, what feels more natural for you? (Are you more prone to be hands on, to theorize, to memorize, etc.).
I love learning. If I don't learn, then I might as well shouldn't be alive. However, when I am thinking through a problem or theory, I will not consider the ideas until I come to the conclusion of that said one. For example, the correlation between IQ and personality and how IQ is entirely bogus. I also enjoy being hands on. I can remember, back when I was a kid; I used to enjoy building things with legos and roller coasters. I am comfortable with both. The only issue with the theory that I have is if it phrased strangely in a book, novel, or textbook. The wording can most of the time throw me off and then I completely lose the meaning of what the writer was trying to convey.

9) How organized do you to think of yourself as?
Not very. I often lose track of my homework and get caught behind fairly quickly. I try to keep things super simple, so I don't have to worry too much about losing stuff because I become infuriated and frustrated when I lose things and can't find them.

10) How do you judge new ideas? You try to understand the principles behind it to see if they make sense or do you look for information that supports it?
I always try to think what it means to have a "new idea." B/c in reality, new ideas are not new ideas. They are repetitions and sequences of more original ideas thought within old times in human history. I try to understand a principle, I think. I am going to start reading Plato and find out if I can understand him.

11) You find harmony by making sure everyone is doing fine and belonging to a given group or by making sure that you follow what you believe and being yourself?
Taking care of people is fun. However, I dislike controlling people. People can do what they want. I go with groups so that I can learn about myself. In reality, I don't believe I always need to be with people. Sometimes it is fun going to parties and talking about random philosophical crap or stuff about physics. But, there always seems to be that people in parties that will budge into your conversation and try to prove you wrong. "Killing my vibe bro, I am talking to a girl and spewing lies, don't be a cockblocker."

12) Are you the kind that thinks before speaking or do you speak before thinking? Do you prefer one-on-one communication or group discussions?
I speak before I think most of the time, but sometimes I think before I speak. I enjoy both one-on-one and group discussions, but generally, I get my point across better with just one person. Logically, the latter sentence should make sense, right?

13) Do you jump into action right away or do you like to know where are you jumping before leaping? Does action speak more than words?
I would try to make sure I analyze the situation before throwing myself in it. Hmmm, if the phrase lead to measures that result from better solution then vice versa, then yes. Then if not, then no. But, I feel that words are the key.


14) It's Saturday. You're at home, and your favorite show is about to start. Your friends call you for a night out. What will you do?
Record the show, go with your friends and party, come back and watch the show. Everyone is happy.

15) How do you act when you're stressed out?
Anxious, fatigued, overly critical, aggressive, and vindictive.

16) What makes you dislike the personalities of some people?
I hate it when people are conceited and hold contempt for other people. I also moderately hate people who don't commit to their words. I, even more, hate people who judge.

17) Is there anything you like talking about with other people?
Comedy, society, fetishes, life *shrugs*

18) What kind of things do pay the least attention to in your life
My freshman studies class b/c it is a requirement that I do it, even though I'm a physics major. Instead, the MBTI is a lot more concerning in my opinion, so that is the reason that I'm writing currently. Nothing is more important to me than self-discovery. Everything, in truth, is necessary, even the most little of things. I don't pay attention to my dietary needs. I don't have much liking for my body. I am not overly materialistic, so I do indulge in the occasional "let's go buy some gadgetry." I am an audiophile, so I do take an interest in sound quality in devices and listening experiences with speakers.

19) How do your friends perceive you? What is wrong with their perception? What would your friends never say about your personality?
They see me as headstrong, magnanimous, energetic, well, shoot, I wouldn't know. I don't care about their perception of me unless it directly effects me. I am just their friends, and they are my friend.

20) You got a whole day to do whatever you like. What kind of activities do you feel like doing?
Youtube, Youtube, attempting to make failed electronic music, sleeping, reading about stuff, watching anime, more youtube, playing lol, eating, socializing, getting drunk, smoking weed, DJing, listening to music, browsing through articles on the web, go for a bike ride.

MBTI is stupidly subjective, no offense. Imma goes smoke a cig.