a guest Apr 20th, 2019 71 Never
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- Okay guys, I can't do this anymore. I'm done with this - you guys were among the best friends I'd had, and given the group name 'the family', I thought it'd be the one that I was told by teachers back in my turbulent secondary school years that ‘you'd make for life at uni'
- My 3rd year put numerous stresses put upon me - the most significant of which (but not limited to) was of course my grandfather passing away, in might I add a far from pleasant fashion - if you even remember...
- Over the past 17+months only 1 of this believed close knit group, stepped up to the plate and did the right thing - for which as I'm sure they know, I shall be eternally grateful and probably unable yet forever endeavouring to repay. I expected better from the others. It would appear therefore that as Bobby was cruelly taken from my family (never actually getting to see me graduate - hence my dedication in my FYP), so has this 'family's' grandfather departed. No mention of me until 24 Nov, no attempt made to contact, to check I was okay. However, I still for a time had "Faith: not wanting to know what the truth is" - F.Nietzsche.
- Moreover, in addition to the Family losing its grandfather, it has decided to cut out its own grandmother. Whilst Rebecca & I are no longer together, we had endeavoured to maintain a working friendship. Part of my wishing to introduce her to you was to expand her pool of friends (I do not remember being the one to put her in the family chat), but her expulsion without consulting her was surprising on that front. Again, the easy path was chosen over the right path.
- Nietzsche is also credited with saying "sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed", and clearly the illusion of you guys being held so highly has passed. I do exclude Matty and Kuljit (the latest entry) as they were not quite what the rest were for one reason or another (no insults intended, just reflection upon the situation 17+months ago). You may think this is an escalation and/or exaggeration, but I would advise a look at the lectures of Prof. J.B.Peterson, of Psychology at Uni of Toronto, who, after his now famous Channel 4 interview you have probably heard of, explains in a lecture about relationships' effects on personality .
- By now I suppose you've been reminded of my use of prose, quotations from songs, thinkers etc from all over. From one, performed in 1961 by M.Bernes, "You ask those who fought, who hugged you next to the Elbe, we keep that moment dear in our hearts" - I shall endeavour to keep the memories of what was, close. But alas, Ludwig Uhland's 1809 poem "Der guter Kamerad” is probably more appropriate here .
- One of the more surprising things is that none of you even tried to re-establish links for your own advancement. I did pretty much your 3rd year; I could have provided valuable intel (reports, coding hints, past papers etc) and yet none of you even took that opportunity. As it happens, someone in 3rd year has asked, and has been given my notes, past papers etc; their gain, your loss.
- Additionally, further contributing to the situation is something that I shall refer to as a 'rumour' for lack of a better term, which I heard via the grapevine, on the topic of what happened at Centreparcs (having just returned to uni after bobby's passing). Taking from Schrödinger, and given the context, it's either true outright, or an exaggeration of the truth; the problem here being whichever it is, leads to a further host of metaphysical questions as to what actually happened (motive, my ‘role’, what purpose did it fulfil, what does this actually mean for 'friendship'?, etc.) As I have not wanted to add further hardship on myself pursuing the truth, both answers and knock on effects exist simultaneously.
- Here I am reminded of another worthy reference, from a song by a Croat, V.Nazor:
- Sve prste na ruci,
- U jadu i muci,
- Partizanska stvorila je svijest. 
- The situation has led to the (re)emergence of a particular mindset. I'm not for burning bridges lightly, however it's somewhat clear that said bridges are unused and dilapidated, and life has adapted to live without them. Given my career goals, interests and indeed where I am and available opportunities, it's quite possible, indeed probable, that we shall never see each other again. There are opportunities in countries the distance of which from the UK are measured in thousands of km.
- Now I would use in characteristic fashion a foreign language goodbye, but those I do know actually have a literal meaning indicating meeting again, and as I have had much thinking on this, and so much time has passed, for now I shall content myself with simpler. Best of luck for 2nd/3rd year (after all you still seem good people at heart; albeit that makes it ever worse). Perhaps in the future I can find it in myself to let it all pass - though much time has already, to little change, and a return to the good times seems to be of a low order of probability.
- Ihr alter und jetzt ex-Kamerad,
-  www.youtube.com/watch?v=etaGybo7g3w
-  https://youtu.be/46cSc7apO_I?t=1m17s
-  https://youtu.be/B1cKNcf1mpk
-  https://youtu.be/NKUdA2AsgXQ?t=54s
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