I'm sorry for everything. I don't know if you know this or not, but I constantly think about you and the fun times we've had. I wish there was a way for me to be your friend and still have James, but it's just not going to ever happen, I don't think. I fucked up big time and am reaping what I sowed. I'm so sorry you had to be hurt in the process. I miss talking to you and RPing and I just want to take back everything I did to cause this to happen, but I can't. Maybe in time, James will come around and see that I don't still love you like a girlfriend or like a fiance, but like a best friend.

Don't get me wrong, I am SO happy with James, I would just be infinitely happier with you in my life to to talk to and help me get through everything.

I'm currently living with James at his mom's house because, even though he's trying his hardest to get a job, we have no money because I was being harassed at Brookshire Brothers and quit, my dad and Lisa abandoned me to go play snake/paintball family four hours away in Daingerfield. My mom's doing her best, but she lives far away too. I'm going to graduate in about two weeks, prom is this Saturday. I'll be going to work (I have a guaranteed job, I just have to graduate first so I have weekdays free) and then, next year, I'll be going to some culinary school to be a pastry chef. And my sister's about 6 months pregnant too! She's having a little girl. Victoria Jade. (:

I miss you and Tolly and Danni and Ruzz and alskjfkljwelkfjlkwe. I miss my old life. I can only hope that soon this storm fades and James trusts me like he used to. I feel like the worst person ever for taking the trust he had in me and stomping on it, so I know I'm getting what I gave.

He's not a bad person and I know now that I'm not a bad person either. He's just hurt, as am I.

I think about you and my 'kids' (lol they hate me now too. ): ) all the time and I can only hope that you think about me at least once. I want you to forget about me so maybe I won't hurt you too, but at the same time, I really hope that if I popped up in DC you'd instantly recognize and remember me.

I'm sorry. Please let me contact you. This might be one of the only times I get to, but pleasepleaseplease don't text or call me or anything. Just think about me so I can have the comfort of knowing one of my only truest friends ever still cares.

I love you like a sister, Toni. You're one of the greatest things to ever happen to me and I can only hope that you can forgive mPr