Anon Filly CYOA

rubyist Jan 1st, 2018 (edited) 2,748 Never
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  2. You go to sleep in your bed tonight. It is nice and cozy, and you cannot wait to shitpost tomorrow when you are not dead tired. You wake up to see long black hair covering your face. You move it out of the way with your hand, only to discover that it is green, and also a hoof instead of a hand. Ye gods must have turned you into a filly. What do?
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  4. You get out of bed to look for your computer only to discover that, after your mind has had time to adjust to not being human, you also are not in your room. Actually, this room looks a little better. Like you're in a fancy hotel or something, but more colorful. Your computer is nowhere to be found. Even if you could find a way to type with hooves (and upon further inspection of these hooves, you could probably find a way to hunt and peck with the very tip of them based on their curvature), you would be unable to shitpost due to the lack of a machine to shitpost.
  6. You are standing in a foreign room in the body of a filly. You are now much more awake. What do?
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  8. Being a genre-savvy filly, you figure yourself to be in Equestria and so head out to find Spike. As you exit the room, you find yourself in a large castle, which you can surmise from the architecture is not Twilight's crystal castle. It looks more traditional. As you wander around searching for a doorway out, you eventually find yourself face planting into a large white leg. You look up and see Princess Celestia.
  10. >"Well hello little filly, how did you get in here?"
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  12. A devilish idea pops into your head as you crawl underneath the princess' legs and look up to see her delicious candy vag. You jump up to try and reach it for a little taste, only to find yourself enveloped in her magic and lifted onto her back. You realize that you are a bit small to try and >rape the princess.
  14. She looks back at you and smiles.
  16. >"Well someone's a bit eager to meet her princess. Unfortunately, I'm a bit busy today to play with my subjects. Why don't you tell me where you live so I can take you back to your parents?"
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  18. Undeterred by minor setbacks, you grab hold of the princess' waist and try to hump her back like a dog humping a leg. "Lemme smash, I wanna smash!" you shout out, only to be met with giggles. She lifts you up to her face and nuzzles you.
  20. >"You are such an adorably rambunctious little filly. But really, I cannot stay all day to entertain you. Where do you live? I'll take you home."
  22. A frown forms upon your face. "I'm actually homeless."
  24. The princess appears a bit shocked from this revelation, and you realize from a bit of reflection that orphans were not entirely common in the show. Most ponies, if they did not live with their parents, lived with siblings, or even with lesbian aunts.
  26. >"How did this happen? Are your parents dead? Do you not have any family to stay with?"
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  28. Determined to taste delicious mare pussy, you keep your eyes on the prize. "My name's Anon. My family died in a boating accident and I can't remember anything past that. Now lemme smash!" You keep trying to grab at her with your hooves, but her magic keeps you just out of reach.
  30. >"A boating accident you say… that actually seems rather tragic, but surely you must have extended family you could stay with. How about I let you stay with one of my students while I have an assistant look into the matter for you. I'm sure her family wouldn't mind looking after an orphaned filly for a few days while we try to find you a suitable home…"
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  32. You grumble as you realize that Celestia's tasty mare vag will be just out of reach for now. "Okay, fine. But it better not be a filthy commie. Better dead than red!"
  34. Celestia laughs.
  36. >"I'm not sure what that is, but I can assure you, my student is very nice. She's also not red… for the most part."
  38. She places you onto her back again and leads you into a room full of toys.
  40. >"I'll be back in a few minutes, my little pony. I need to retrieve my student. In the mean time, I think there's some bubble wrap in here if you still feel the need to smash something. Try not to wander off; it's easy for a filly to get lost in my castle."
  42. She kisses your forehead and leaves. What do?
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  44. A few boxes on the other side of the room with bubble wrap overflowing out of them quickly catch your eye. Fuck the princess, you've got more important things to deal with – Mother. Fucking. Bubble wrap.
  46. You quickly pull as much of the stuff as possible from the box and lay it out on the floor. There is a ton of the stuff available, with different sizes of bubbles, suggesting it was saved up over time. It would appear as if the princess saves all of the bubble wrap from the castle's packages to put into her filly playroom. She is wise beyond her years.
  48. But enough of that, BUBBLE WRAP! You get up on two legs as if you were still a human and attempt to dance upon the floor full of the wrap, making everything pop as loud as you can, and inevitably falling on your ass when you realize your 2 leg coordination is pretty shitty in this body. Despite being in this body for less than an hour, you feel more used to moving about like a pony than like a human. At least you don't have to learn new muscle memory.
  50. You try to dance like a proper pony on the bubble wrap. It does not disappoint. You briefly wonder between pops what it would be like to get a ballerina cutie mark before the door opens.
  52. >"I'm telling you Twilight, if you want to improve your magical aptitude, you're going to have to make friends. And what better a friend to make than a pony who's lost her family?"
  54. You stop your silly dancing as soon as you realize you're no longer alone. At the door is Celestia, a filly Twilight Sparkle, and an almost newborn Spike sleeping on her back. She looks at you, embarrassed, and waves.
  56. >"Um… Hi?"
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  58. The sight of filly Twilight makes you aware of a few things. The first is that Luna is not around, and will not be around for perhaps a decade. The second is that you are nowhere near the rest of the mane six, who might not even all be in Ponyville at this time. But most importantly, Celestia's back, which means it's time for >rape.
  60. You need to act fast, however. By the sounds of your earlier conversation, Celestia was planning on putting you up with Velvet and Night Light for a few days while she tries to find a non-existent great uncle or something of yours. You only have a few moments to taste that sweet candy vag before she's out of your sight and you're stuck with the stinky nerd filly. Being that you're an Earth pony, you figure the best way to try this would be to hoof it.
  62. You dash as quickly as you can towards the princess. "Prepare yourself Celestia, whether you like it or not I will have that candy va-"
  64. Your words fall flat as the air around you rapidly condenses, only to fling you backwards onto the bubble wrap.
  66. >"Told you she's a rambunctious one."
  68. Celestia giggles, but Twilight looks at you with an eye of caution, as if she senses you had some sort of malintent. She merely shakes her head and looks up to her teacher.
  70. >"Are you sure I have to befriend her? She seems a bit rude."
  72. >"Now Twilight, not every pony has had the privilege of spending time around royalty. It's quite alright for her to act a bit informal around me, I really don't mind it. But more importantly…"
  74. She motions over to you with her hoof to come over.
  76. >"Come with me. I'd like to introduce you to the ponies who will be taking care of you for the next few days."
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  78. You pick up a few of the less popped sheets of bubble wrap off the ground and look up to the princess to show her the most adorable set of filly eyes."
  80. "Miss Princess Celestia, can I stay and play with my new friend? We can play with the bubble wrap…"
  82. >"Oh you are just adorable, aren't you? Tell you what, you can play together as much as you want when you get to her house. I'm going to give her the day off so you can have plenty of time to get to know each other."
  84. This causes Twilight to do a double take.
  86. >"Wait, are you serious princess? You were going to teach me the cloud walking spell today. Isn't studying important? I can't just blow a day off to hang out with some random filly!"
  88. The princess begins to take her leave from the room, and motions for the two of you to follow, which you do.
  90. >"Twilight, you will have all of the time in your life to study magic. But your youth is too precious to not spend at least some of it making friends. They may become indispensable for you some day."
  92. The unicorn filly groans. You get the sense that she's been given this lecture multiple times before, and from your knowledge of the future, you know she's going to receive it again… probably. Turns out you can change that future if you really wanted to. But right now, you just want to hang out with Twilight and try to make her happy. She seems a bit unnerved from what you tried to pull with Celestia. You offer her one of the plastic fun sheets that you're carrying. "Bubble wrap?"
  94. She doesn't speak much, but she accepts it from you and begins to slowly pop the bubbles in order with her telekinesis as you make your way through the castle. As you reach the entrance, you find two ponies waiting for you. But rather than it being Twilight's parents as you'd expect, you find two other familiar ponies – a teenage Cadence and Shining Armor.
  96. What do?
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  98. Twilight looks like she's about to blow her top at the site of her brother.
  100. >"BBBFF, are you skipping school again? You know mom's gonna be mad when she finds out!"
  101. >"Relax Twily, it's early release. Only you would think to keep studying today. Besides, Celestia asked to watch you and your friend while our parents are out."
  103. She looks a bit annoyed by him, so you decide to give her some naughty ideas. You whisper into her ear, "Say, don't you think they look like a cute couple?" This gives her a devilish smile.
  105. >"You know Shiny, I don't recall us needing two sitters. What made you decide to bring Cadence along?"
  107. This makes the both of them blush heavily, so you and Twilight decide to take the tease up a notch. "Shining and Cadence sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G"
  109. They look mad and embarrassed as hell
  112. Will you continue, or do you have other plans?
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  114. >"Hey, cut it out you two, that's not funny!"
  116. Shining seems visibly annoyed with you and Twilight's antics, and worse yet, you remember he's a bit of a dweeb at this stage in his life. An evil thought crosses your mind. You immediately run up to Cadence and jump onto her leg, clinging tight. She seems rather unperturbed by the adorable filly hug, as any foal-sitter should, and you are quickly joined by Twilight tackle glomping the other leg. You take advantage of the moment to flash Shining the smuggest smile you can mange.
  118. "Hey Shiny…"
  119. >"What…"
  120. "I'm hugging your filly friend!"
  122. Shining's muzzle flushes quickly from its normal white to beet red.
  123. >"Hey, she's not my filly friend!"
  125. You stick your tongue out in response. Before Shining can react further Cadence motions her hoof towards the door.
  127. >"C'mon Shining, we can't be foaling around, we've got to get these girls home. It's starting to rain."
  129. He shuts up for the entirety of the way home. You and Twilight end up staying attached to Cadence's legs along the way there, making the trip slow, but at least her head's blocking out some of the rain.
  131. Several times along the way you find the two of them nuzzling faces together. Not his filly friend your plot.
  133. You are now in the manor of Madame Twilight Velvet. Cadence manages to slowly pull both you and Twilight off of her forelegs, and you are now sitting on their couch.
  135. What do?
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  137. Cadence shivers as she tries to shake out her very wet coat of fur.
  139. >"Twilight, do you think you could show your new friend around the place? I need to help Shining with some uh… homework. Our teachers piled a lot on us. Hollar if you need anything"
  141. Twilight snickers
  142. >"Yeah, sure. Have fun you two!"
  144. After Shining and Cadence leave the room, you finally find yourself alone with an innocent Twilight and her very young baby Spike. She's still snickering.
  145. >"Those two aren't going to be studying at all. They'll be making out all afternoon."
  147. "Yeah, I suppose they will…" Your eyes wander and you find them suddenly distracted by the sight of Twilight's flank. "Hey Twilight, do you like to play games at all?"
  149. >"Oh yeah, of course! I've got a bunch of board games in the closet. Got any favorites?"
  150. She walks off to find some games and you follow, eyes glued to her tiny filly flank. You can only wonder how her candy vag tastes. Grape, maybe?
  152. She opens up a door full of games and starts rifling through them. You take the opportunity to strike, sneaking out from under her to shove your face in her snatch…
  154. >"Eep!"
  156. You are kicked very hard and fall flat on your ass. Twilight turns around.
  158. >"What in Tartarus, Anon? Don't sneak up on me like that!"
  160. At this point, both of you notice that your nose is bleeding.
  162. >"Are you alright?"
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  164. "Fucking hell, what was that all about?"
  166. Your nose hurts… a lot. Twilight can kick rather hard. Or maybe she has magically enhanced limbs. You're not sure.
  168. >"What was THAT about? You just shoved your face in me! Was that some kind of prank? And… did you just swear?"
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  170. Twilight was not happy about your little sneak attack. In fact, you probably broke away all of the trust you might had earned since trying to molest the princess. Why did ponies have to be so difficult about this? You just wanted to lick their tasty horse pussies. It's not like you wanted to bend them over and fuck them in the ass with your now non-existent dick. Were you too ugly? Nonsense. Everypony thinks you're adorable. Do they think you unskilled? If so, how dare they. You were quite obviously the most proficient carpet muncher in all of Equestria. Rainbow Dash couldn't hold a candle to you. Of course, it helps that she's still a filly… oh right. You're a filly, Twilight's a filly, and Celestia's not into fillies. Maybe it's hard for ponies to see you in a sexual manner… IDEA!
  172. "Hey, that was uncalled for! I was just trying to look at the games on the bottom shelf, and this doorway is way too thin for both of us to fit in. I couldn't exactly see too well in the closet anyways, so I bumped into you on accident."
  174. Twilight looks at you dumbfounded.
  175. >"Look, Anon, I'm sorry. I…"
  177. "REEEE-"
  179. She covers your mouth before you can continue screeching uncontrollably.
  180. >"You know what? How about you find us a game. Easier for us both. Just don't scream, or you'll bring down Shiny."
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  182. You've lost the mood for traumatizing Twilight anymore. She's a cute filly and not worth losing favor of. You opt for a game you'd likely both enjoy.
  184. "How about a riveting game of chess?"
  186. She seems surprised.
  187. >"Chess? That sounds fun. I'm actually rather good at it. Not as good as my brother, but I've been catching up rather quickly."
  189. She levitates down a rather beautiful-looking ornate chess set and sets it up on the table. It strikes you as little bit odd that the king and queen pieces are Celestia and Luna respectively, despite the fact that Luna won't be getting out of the moon for another decade or so. You suppose the game (which you just lost), therefore, must be over a thousand years old in Equestria.
  191. >"So… do you play white or black?"
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  193. "Well you know what they say, always bet on black!"
  195. Twilight laughs.
  196. >"I'm pretty sure that's a roulette saying, Anon. Good choice though. I'm actually not as good at playing white, since Shiny always picks it"
  198. The two of you finally sit down to play, and she sets about with a fairly standard white open, only to be met immediately with an aggressive Sicilian defense. You weren't going to fuck around. "Hey Twi, how about we make this interesting and place a bet?"
  200. She gives you a strange look.
  201. >"Aren't you homeless? What would you have to bet anyways?"
  203. "Well yeah, for now at least. But we could always make a fun bet, like loser has to shave off their fur."
  205. She stops the play she was about to make and stands up.
  206. >"Anon, walk with me."
  208. You are led outside, only to find that the rain from earlier has increased in magnitude to a torrential downpour. On top of this, the wind is icy. Twilight shuts the door behind you and has you step into the rain.
  211. Without a word, she stomps back inside, leaving you both to continue your game soaking wet. The game goes by fairly slowly, as Twilight isn't quite used to playing the initiative. Halfway through it, Shining comes downstairs looking a little bit worn out. He sees the board set out and stares at it for a few moments before declaring that black would win in 5 moves and trotting off to the bathroom. You can't see what strategy he's thinking of, but you end up beating Twilight in 6 moves anyways.
  213. It's around this time that Cadence ends up coming down the stairs.
  214. >"Hey girls, I'm going to be taking a break from studying. How about I make you all some snacks?"
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  216. The prospect of snacks seems pretty nice for you thus far. In fact, you haven't really eaten anything since you came to Equestria… that raises slight concern in you. What if they make you eat something like flowers, or bacon made out of hay? You can't go starving, but is now really the best time to be expanding your palette.
  218. "Uhh… what kinda snacks do you make best?"
  220. >"Well, I can make some really killer pizzas…"
  222. Perfect. Nothing you're not used to. And being a filly, you have an excuse to be a picky eater. Probably. You shrug. "Sounds good, Cadence!"
  224. She heads off for the kitchen, leaving you alone with purple smart once again.
  226. >"Soooo….."
  228. This may get awkward.
  230. >"Since we're going to spend some time together, I guess we should try to get to know each other. For starters, how old are you exactly?"
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  232. How old are you? Well mentally, you're 27, but you can't tell Twilight that, so you make up an answer.
  234. "Seven."
  235. Nailed it.
  237. >"Oh wow, you're young. I'm like… ten, and yet we look the same age. How'd you get so good at chess?"
  239. Shit, more questions. With any luck, she's gonna beg you for a life's story. You don't want to get caught in a web of lies, so you keep things vague.
  241. "I dunno. Maybe I'm a child prodigy? I just played it with my dad on the regular, kind of like how you play it with your brother. Repeat something enough and you'll get good at it."
  243. Twilight rubs her chin for a bit, trying to best process your answer. You hope you haven't given her cause to segue into questions about your parents, but then you could just melt down like a 7 year old should when asked about her dead parents and leave things at that. Instead, she responds with a question that you probably should have expected to begin with.
  245. >"Got any favorite books?"
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  247. You struggle to think up the name of a book from Equestria, but only one comes to mind. "Uhh… I guess I'm a fan of the Daring Do series…"
  249. >"Daring Do? Don't think I've heard of it. Sounds like the name of a comic book."
  251. And of course she hasn't. Daring Do won't be around for at least another few years. You play it cool regardless. "Nah. It's an up and coming series of short novels about an adventurous mare who rescues ancient treasure from baddies trying to steal it." You leave out the part about it being an ongoing autobiography… for now.
  253. >"Sounds interesting. I'll check it out in the library when I next get a break from my studies."
  255. Damnit.
  257. Around this time, Cadence comes into the room and sits down next to the two of you.
  259. >"So… pizza's in the oven. It'll be out in about 15 minutes. How've you two been getting along?"
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  261. You drag Twilight into an awkward hug.
  263. "Well we're not as peachy as you and Shiny, but I'd say we're doing okay"
  265. Cadence glares at you for a few seconds before jumping back into her usual chipper demeanor. You get the feeling that she may need a drink or two if you keep pushing her buttons.
  267. >"Anything I can get for you in the mean time?"
  269. You think for a second about what to do next. Things are getting boring and you don't want to just play more games of chess. You ARE in Twilight's house, so that can only mean one thing…
  271. "Say Twilight, you have books on magic, don't you? How about you show me some?"
  273. >"I've got plenty… I don't know if you'd be able to understand them, and I certainly don't think you'd be able to cast any of them without a horn, but I wouldn't mind someone to study with me!"
  275. She runs up to her room, and in a minute, returns bolting down the stairs with a massive textbook titled, "A Beginner's Book of Spells." You pour through the Table of Contents looking for anything involving interdimensional travel, only to find… nothing. Not even anything on teleportation. Well that's a disappointment.
  277. What will you do now?
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  279. Twilight's book has nothing for you to learn except for perhaps the basics of how magic works. Unfortunately, you're extremely impatient and feel the need to skip the addition and subtraction and jump straight into triple integrals. Surely, Twilight has some more advanced books in her room, but how to get to it…
  281. "Hey Twilight, random idea, but how about we play some hide and seek?"
  283. She pouts a bit.
  284. >"But I just got settled down with a nice book…"
  286. "How about I let you hide first, and you can read while you hide?"
  288. This seems to satiate her, so you cover your eyes with your hooves and wait for her to find someplace to hide. You can't hear her heading upstairs, so you imagine she's in some sort of closet. But buck that, you're going to straight for her room.
  290. You rush up the stairs and walk into her room. It is, unsurprisingly, the cleanest room ever. You spot Smarty Pants sitting on top of a desk next to a few quills and a fresh ink bottle. There's a closed journal sitting on top the desk, possibly either a diary or a workbook. You're not sure.
  292. Adorning the walls are a few bookshelves filled with textbooks on a number of subjects. History, mathematics, physics… fuck this filly's a nerd. You leaf through the physics book briefly to see if it contains anything on magic, but by the looks of things, it contains nothing more than what you could find in the beginner magic book.
  294. There are no more advanced books, however. Much as Twilight would be the type to read ahead, perhaps Celestia is the type to keep her from rushing into harder magic too quickly, lest she accidentally trap herself in a pocket dimension or something. Go figure.
  296. You head back downstairs, content that Twilight is not hiding in her bookshelves, and open up the game closet. She's hiding on the top shelf.
  298. >"Alright fillies, pizza's ready!"
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  300. Fuck the game, peetzer's ready. You run towards the kitchen table to find… ordinary cheeze pizza served on a plate. Good, nothing made out of hay or oats… yet.
  302. You sit down at the table and help yourself to as much as you can get away with without looking like a greedy little filly. Not having hands (or magic), you decide to dig in face first, assuming that's how an Earth pony is supposed to eat. No pony complains, so you mentally mark this off as normal filly behavior.
  304. "Ayyyy, this is a really good-a peetzer, Mi Amore Cadenza," you say in your most fake Italian accent possible.
  306. You try to do that okay sign with your fingers, only to realize you have none. Fuck.
  308. Cadence laughs.
  309. >"Mi Amore Cadenza, huh? That sounds like a cute nickname. I think I'll take it."
  311. It now dawns upon you just how much shit hasn't happened yet. You finish your meal, and are now once again bored. Being young once again seems to have given you a shorter attention span and a greater craving for excitement. Will you continue your game of hide and seek (it would be your turn to hide), or will you find something else to entertain you?
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  313. You decide to continue your game of hide and seek, having not much better to do. Since it's your turn to hide, you decide to get a little bit clever, and hide in Shiny's room, under his bed. The room is a complete mess compared to Twilight's, so she'd probably have a hard time finding you in here.
  315. Twilight doesn't seem to find you. Minutes pass – 5, then 10, then 20… you hear her meticulously searching each room, even the bathroom, but she doesn't seem to think to check this room. You finally hear the door open, but instead of Twilight entering, it's Shining and Cadence. They don't see you.
  317. >"Hey baby, ready for round 2?"
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  319. There isn't really a way of getting out from under the bed of somepony who's about to have sex without it seeming awkward, so you decide to make the best of the situation. Since becoming a filly, you haven't masturbated once, and you've been dying to know what it feels like. You lie on your back and reach a hoof down to gently rub against your clit as you hear the two teenage lovers both pounce upon the bed. A slight tingle rushes down your spine as the soft fur on the back of your hoof lightly grazes your marehood. It's a little jarring, but still very pleasurable, so you continue.
  321. By the sounds of her half-muted moans, you guess that Cadence must be getting eaten out right now. Since you don't have someone to play the role for you, you improvise and lick your hoof, tasting the somewhat bitter juices from your vulva off of it, and rub it back again on you. Fuck, you could get used to this. You start to rub faster as you listen to the pair above you transition from foreplay to straight up fucking, causing the box spring mattress above you to creak a little. Thank goodness the bed frame it's on is sturdy…
  323. >"Anon, I know you're not in any of the other rooms, I've double checked them both!"
  325. The door opens and you can hear quick shuffling of both of the ponies above you.
  327. >"What in Celestia are you to doing?"
  329. Twilight has just walked in on her brother and foalsitter having sex. You are still hiding under the bed. What do?
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  331. You bolt out the door screaming "REEEEEEEE" at the top of your lungs and almost knocking the wind out of Twilight as you shove past her. There is no way for this to end well, so you're just going to go with the flow. You go find another place to hide quickly until things blow off, this time in the bathroom. After about five more minutes, you hear a knock on the door, followed by Twilight's voice…
  333. >"Anon, Cadence says when you're ready to come out, she needs to give us both 'the talk', whatever that is." We'll be in the living room… are you alright? You seemed pretty scared. I don't think you're in trouble though."
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  335. The talk. Oh that's cute. You don't need the talk; you need to finish the job! You reach a hoof down to your marehood once more… only to find that you've lost your mood in your adrenaline-filled rush to get out from the bedroom. You can rub it a little, and you can certainly get a physical reaction, but nothing seems to feel quite the same. You recall hearing once that women are more mental in their arousal, with men being more physical. Is this what that's like? And are you really aroused by watching others have sex without their knowledge? Is this really your fetish?
  337. The question makes you jump for just a second before you realize that Fluttershy is too young to rape you, and also likely in a hospital for falling onto a flock of butterflies made of dark matter.
  339. Back to reality, you try to think of what to do now. You contemplate playing a prank on Twilight to convince her that Cadence doing something crazy, like mind controlling Shining, but she seems to have left. Since you aren't in the mood for receiving a bunch of shit about the birds and the bees that you already know since you're like… mentally 27, you figure it's about time to give the talk yourself.
  341. You march downstairs with a look of determination about your face, and as soon as you see the two guilty lovebirds, you point an accusatory hoof at them.
  343. "Cadence, Shining, how old are you two?"
  345. >"Seventeen"
  346. >"Sixteen"
  348. "You are at least a decade too early to be having Equestria's next alicorn baby. Wrap it before you tap it, idiot!"
  350. Cadence looks at you dumbfounded.
  351. >"Uhhh…. Anon?"
  353. You ignore her and turn to Twilight.
  355. "What they were doing is called sex. It's a thing ponies do that feels insanely good, but also carries a risk of having a foal… or getting a disease if you're dumb and fool around with lots of ponies."
  357. You point your hoof back at Shining.
  359. "Seriously bruh, use a condom, EVERY TIME!"
  361. Cadence places a hoof on your shoulder.
  363. >"Would you mind telling us where you learned all of this stuff? You're like… seven."
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  365. You don't have time for difficult questions. Instead of answering Cadence, you simply flash her a very smug grin, and laugh maniacally. Not sure what to do from here, you prance off into the kitchen. To your surprise, there is one last slice of pizza that Twilight didn't have the appetite to sneak for herself. You devour it instantly when nopony's looking, only to realize that you now have nothing to do again.
  367. Eventually, you're going to have to face your foalsitters and the rest of the family. Or do something else entirely.
  369. What will you do?
  370. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  371. A wicked thought crosses your mind. You never really got the chance to finish clopping. Shiny never got the chance to finish fucking Cadence. It's time to play.
  373. You walk into the living room again, where Shiny is sitting on the couch, next to Cadence. No time like the present to teach the Princess of Love what it feels like to become a cuckqueen. Before anypony can get a chance to address you for suddenly running away twice in one day, you make your move – jumping onto Shiny's lap and pressing your hooves against his chest. Your eyes gaze into his with a look of fiery seduction. You reach for his cock to bring up to your marehood… only to find it blocked by a magic bubble.
  375. Being an earth pony is unfair. Every pony you want to take advantage of has way more magical power than you. Okay, you'll have to give credit to the fact that you've mostly been hanging around the most powerful magic using unicorns and alicorns in all of Equestria for your short period of time here, but still, it would have been nice if you could at least find SOMEONE weaker than you to play with.
  377. Cadence glares at you. She looks like she's about to explode, but in an instant, as she gazes into your eyes, something stops her. Her facial expression shifts from anger to worry.
  379. >"Alright little filly, it's time for you to come clean. I don't think your parents really died in a boating accident. Who touched you?"
  380. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  381. Who touched you? Okay, this lie has gone far enough. You don't want to start getting innocent ponies thrown in jail, or worse. Time to come clean… about everything.
  383. "No one did. I woke up this morning in a body that was not my own. I'm not actually a pony, or even from Equestria at all. I'm a 27 year old male human who works as a clerk for a second-hand clothing store called Value Village. I am incredibly lost in this world and have no idea what the hell I am doing. I've also been hearing voices in my head and they tell me to do horrible things like molesting ponies. I feel as though I have no control over my life at all. It's as if the gods are playing dice with my fate, and I'm just along for the ride."
  385. Cadence stares at you blankly, then turns to Shining, and then back to you. She seems completely befuddled.
  387. >"You have… way too overactive of an imagination. I have no idea what in the world has happened to you, but it is clear that you need help."
  389. She rubs her forehead with her hoof to try and alleviate her stress.
  391. >"First thing tomorrow, we're scheduling you an appointment with a therapist. I am just a foalsitter, I don't know how to deal with… this."
  393. She storms out of the room, followed quickly by Shining, likely to console her. This leaves you alone with Twilight once again. She looks confused about how to talk to you, likely from having no friends, and being 10.
  395. >"Anon… is everything alright?"
  396. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  397. You feel like you could break down and cry at any moment. That would probably be pretty pathetic though. No one wants to see a grown man cry. You'd probably have an excuse, being in the body of a filly, but that would only make things worse and further convince ponies that you really are just some sexually abused little filly who's lost her mind. Regardless, you still need some sort of emotional outlet, so you reach out and pull Twilight into a crushing hug, barely managing to hold back your tears.
  399. "No one's going to believe me Twilight. Not a single fucking pony. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for anyone to take you seriously when you look like a fucking seven year old?"
  401. Twilight slowly returns the hug, much weaker than your grip upon her.
  403. >"Yes."
  405. She holds the hug for a few more seconds before it starts to get awkward, and then breaks free.
  407. >"Actually… now that I think about it, you look more like you're 12. Sure you don't have a cutie mark, but you seem a little more physically developed than me, and I'm 10. Did you just randomly guess your age?"
  409. "Umm… yes?"
  411. >"So, point to your favor I guess. I've known of fillies lying to say they're older, but who in their right mind would say they're younger? But your story still seems a little bit unbelievable, doesn't it?. If what you were saying is true, what could you show to prove you're from another world?"
  413. Science, that would be the obvious answer. Human civilization knows leaps and bounds more than Equestria about how the universe works, and has used it to build some of the most impressive works of technology. But most of that technology has to be built with other technology that you have no experience with. You know a lot of theory, both from spending too much time on Wikipedia and from a little bit of college experience, but theory could just be interpreted as a filly rambling. You'd need to set up an experiment to prove anything – that you know something that Twilight doesn't.
  415. What do?
  416. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  417. Silently, you curse having spent more time watching cartoons in your life than actually studying science. No wonder you were stuck working at fucking Value Village. And now you're stuck living in cartoon. Talk about… irony… a light bulb turns on in your head.
  419. "I know how you got your cutie Mark, Twilight."
  421. >"Yeah? So does half of Canterlot. I turned Spike big enough to break a hole in the ceiling of Celestia's school. It was a bit of a spectacle really. There was an article in the paper about it, that I bet you read."
  423. "Did it mention that 5 other ponies got their cutie marks at the exact same time, all caused by a sonic rainboom centered in Cloudsdale?"
  425. >"So… what, you're an extremely good detective? Way to go Anon, you snoop around… a lot."
  427. Twilight's sarcasm is starting to get pretty annoying. You're half tempted to give her a good hoof to the face, but that wouldn't exactly help you convince her that you're NOT crazy.
  429. "Well what the hell do you want me to do, make a gun from scratch? I wasn't exactly a pinnacle of my species' higher intellect."
  431. A smile cracks across Twilight's face.
  433. >"Say the pledge of allegiance."
  434. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  435. The pledge of allegiance? Oh now that's easy… wait, how does she know?
  437. "Twilight, how do you…"
  439. >"Irrelevant, I need to know where your allegiances lie."
  441. You place your hoof over your heart, about to say your pledge that you had repeated every day through grade school, only to find yourself blanking. Evil thoughts once again plague the forefront of your mind.
  443. "Twi, do you remember what I said about those voices in my head? Well one of them is a Communist, and another is a German National Socialist."
  445. >"One step ahead of you."
  447. Twilight shoves a hoof into your face as hard as her filly body will allow.
  451. This shocks the evil out of your system long enough for you to re-assume your patriotic stance. Twilight joins you by your side as you salute a flag that is tragically not there, though it is in your hearts.
  453. "I pledge allegiance"
  454. >"To the flag"
  455. "Of the United States of America"
  456. >"And to the Republic, for which it stands"
  457. "One nation"
  458. >"Under God"
  459. "Indivisible"
  460. >"With liberty"
  461. "And justice"
  462. >"For all"
  464. Twilight wraps you in a warm hug.
  466. >"Welcome to Equestria, no commies allowed."
  467. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  468. "You never really answered my question, Twi."
  470. She meanders her way over the the couch and takes a seat, this time adopting a more human-like posture, slouched with her back across the cushions and her hind legs crossed and perched upon the table.
  472. >"Oh come on, isn't it obvious? You're not exactly alone here. Honestly, you'd be the fourth human to show up in a pony body that I've seen, including myself. Well, fifth, but I had to drop old Fizzlepop out of a weather balloon after I caught her singing the Soviet national anthem. If you want to stay here, I only expect you to follow two rules: keep a low profile and don't be a red. Any questions?"
  473. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  474. "So…"
  476. You try to think up a few questions that might be pertinent to ask your newfound comrade, for better or worse. Not too much comes to mind.
  478. "I know you hate communism, but are you strictly against national socialism?"
  480. Twilight raises an eyebrow.
  482. >"Not the most valuable of questions to ask, but to be honest, I don't really care too much about what you believe, as long as you don't try and implement it here. I love my country very much, but there's no way in hell I'm going to replace this functioning monarchy with a proper republic. If it's not broken, don't fix it. Try telling that to a communist though…"
  484. You make a mental note not to try to overthrow Celestia.
  486. "Any chance you could get me out of therapy tomorrow?"
  488. This earns you a laugh.
  490. >"Should've thought about that before you decided to try and fuck Shiny!"
  492. She's… kind of right. But you are still a bit horny.
  494. "Well it's not like I could've known you might be DTF…"
  496. >"I'm still not. I was married back on Earth and I'm not going to break that vow. Incidentally, if you decide to shove your face in my snatch again, I will shit in your goddamn mouth. Do I make myself clear?"
  497. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  498. "Shit in my mouth, huh? I might actually be into that."
  500. Twilight rolls her eyes.
  502. >"You know, I think therapy just might be good for you. I hear that the kind of ponies that specialize in family counseling ALSO specialize in treating corpophagia."
  504. Damn that bitch and her sass. You could hardly tell that she has no friends.
  506. "Yeah, well, I've got plans. LOTS of plans for how to deal with this therapist."
  508. Your conversation is cut short by the sound of the door opening. Night Light comes into the room, excited to see you, followed shortly by Twilight Velvet, carrying an umbrella.
  510. >"So, you must be the new filly Celestia told us about. It'll be a pleasure to have you over for the next couple of days. How you been holding out? Have Twilight and Shining been nice to you?"
  511. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  512. Time to bring your plan into action.
  514. "Twi's been fine. She's a real sweetie once you get to know here. Shining though… I mean I guess he's cool, but we kinda walked in on him doing naughty things with Cadence in his bedroom. She overreacted, called me crazy, and said I needed to see a counselor."
  516. Night Light seems unsure as to how to react.
  518. >"Twilight, sweetie, is all of this true?"
  520. She shrugs.
  522. >"Well, she's technically not wrong. I don't think Cadence was trying to upset Anon though."
  524. Night Light sighs.
  526. >"Well I'm going to go upstairs and have a word with her. Hopefully this is all a misunderstanding."
  528. He heads upstairs as mama Velvet trots off into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Sparkle gives you the stink eye.
  530. >"So… you're going to burn your bridges with an alicorn princess to avoid an awkward conversation with a therapist. Way to go Anon, you really know how to manage those assets. And they say I'm bad with making friends."
  531. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  532. You decide not to push things too much further with the Cadence situation, since the situation will likely resolve itself with Night Light talking to her. Unfortunately, this may nonetheless mean a talk with a therapist, but you'll live with that for now. In the mean time, more time alone with Twilight means more time to pester her with questions.
  534. "So… what happened to all of the human-turned ponies you haven't murdered?"
  536. Whatever bite you tried to put into the phrasing of that question doesn't seem to have phased Twilight.
  538. >"Murder, dear Anon, is the unlawful slaughter of another person. Are communists people?"
  540. A chill runs down your spine. Is she really so heartless?
  542. >"As for the rest of our friends, one of them is in my class, and is an excellent musician for her age. I might introduce you to her tomorrow if you can manage not to screw anything else up. She actually shares a few things in common with you. You're both green, and you both used to be a man. Well… I'm at least pretty sure you used to be a man, right?"
  544. Your conversation is interrupted by Cadence bolting down the stairs and Night Light screaming at her.
  547. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  548. You ignore the pink ball of chaos that just blitzed down the stairs and focus on your conversation. In the background, Night Light is reading Shining the riot act about having sex so early in his life, and outside of marriage.
  550. "So Twilight, what about the others?"
  552. She pauses to think for a moment.
  554. >"Well, aside from you, there was one other pony – a white pegasus that looked kind of like me. Or at least she had my haircut. She was running away from Cloudsdale orphanage. I ran into her about 2 months ago. I think she said she was headed for Ponyville next. Flew here first because 'Oh, I'm in Equestria, I should meet Twilight Sparkle!' I think she might have been a child before she became a pony. Go figure!"
  555. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  556. You take some time to reflect upon the events of your relatively hectic day, and your conversations with Twilight. You are one of four ponies in Equestria, the others being Twilight, a green filly in her class at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, and a white pegasus with the same haircut as her, who is most likely in Ponyville. Evaluating this information, you come to two conclusions.
  558. The first is that you are likely going to need all of these ponies together if you want to figure out what has happened to all of you and how to get back to Earth. Since two of these ponies are in Canterlot already, and not likely to leave any time soon, this leaves only the task of locating the stray.
  560. The second conclusion, however, is that you might not be able to trust Twilight. She murdered another pony in cold blood for having the wrong ideology. It begs the question as to why, but you're not in the mood for finding that out. A pony like her could be dangerous, doubly so when you consider both her magical potential, and the fact that she has the ear of Princess Celestia on a regular basis.
  562. The rest of the day seems to go by without a great deal of fanfare. As it turns out, Shining had been caught in the act for a second time today, and so now he is grounded, and Cadence has been fired as a foalsitter. This was probably bound to happen with or without your intervention. On the upside, this meant you wouldn't have to go to a therapist tomorrow. But you were planning on skipping town anyways, so that ends up being pretty irrelevant.
  564. Dinner ends up being spaghetti and wheatballs. Despite your initial objections, it ends up being pretty good, even if you do end up eating a lot of carbs. Twilight Velvet must be a pretty good cook. While you contemplate what it might be like to fool around with her for a bit, seeing the way she nuzzles against Night Light after a hard day's work gives you a bit of a realization that those two are pretty inseparable.
  566. Night comes soon enough, and you find yourself laying in a sleeping bag on Twilight's floor. You fake being asleep for a few hours until you are confident no one else in the house is awake. Silently, you creep out of your sleeping bag. It is time to head to Ponyville.
  568. How will you proceed?
  569. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  570. It takes you venturing just to the front door to realize that this is not entirely a good idea. It is still raining, albeit not as heavily as earlier, and you're pretty sure the Friendship Express doesn't run this late at night. Moreover, you don't want to start a manhunt while you are waiting for a train. You head back inside, and fall asleep…
  572. Only to be woken up by Twilight, looking down on you with the biggest filly smile you've ever seen. You almost can't tell that there's a potentially sociopathic adult human hiding behind her facade.
  574. >"I've got good news and bad news, Anon. The good news is you don't have to go to therapy. Dad never found out about the rest of what you did yesterday, so you get out scott free. The bad news is you have to go to school. And no it's not my school, so you get to hang out with all of the non-gifted jackass unicorns, some army brat pegasi, and a scant few underclass Earth ponies who get bullied all the time, because this is Canterlot, baby!"
  575. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  576. School? School was a possible game changer. You could finally get to be a filly again! Bullies were not a problem, you could always befriend them, and maybe do their math homework in exchange for dealing with ponies you didn't like. This was going to be awesome! Part of you wondered how they managed to enroll you in only a day, but that doesn't really matter too much because SCHOOOOOL! You get to be a kid again!
  578. Quickly you look around for what you want to wear… only to realize that most ponies don't wear clothes, and Twilight doesn't have a cute little red scarf for you to wear. You will have to remember to buy one when you have bits. Maybe you'll meet a Rarity-type who will do it for cheap or even free?
  580. You race down the stairs to get breakfast, which you devour up as quickly as possible so as not to be late. Velvet makes a remark about how you have quite an appetite. You think up a retort about how much you'd like to eat her out, but it doesn't end up coming out. Must avoid being sent to a therapist.
  582. After breakfast, you are finally taken to school. It's only slightly larger than what you can remember of Ms. Cheerilee's schoolhouse from the show, leading you to the realization that ponies don't like particularly large institutions. No wonder you got in so quickly. There's like… 3 teachers.
  584. First class is math. What do?
  585. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  586. You quickly look around for a seat in the classroom. A desk second from the front, and not next to the Window catches your eye. This lets you seem neither like a slacker, nor like a teacher's pet, while still being close enough to the front to seem like a smart student. Perfect.
  588. The class goes by a bit slowly, mostly covering fractions. After a while, the teacher ends up dividing the class into groups, and you find yourself befriending a young unicorn by the name of Amethyst Star as you help her through the problems. She's fairly nice. Loves animals and has a talent for making jewelry. You're not quite sure what Twilight was talking about with the so called "bullies" at this school. So far, everypony has been very nice to you.
  590. After class ends, a short 20 minute recess follows. What do?
  591. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  592. You spend the break chilling with Amethyst, who introduces you to a couple of her unicorn friends, Ember and Aurora, both of whom are blank flanks. You gather a little bit more information about the ponies on the playground and find out that yes, there are a couple of mean ones, but they're mean to everyone, so you shouldn't be facing any bad apples alone, even as an Earth pony.
  594. Recess ends sooner than you'd expect, and you find yourself in your next class, with a different teacher and a different subject: history. To your good fortune, most of this is lecture, and the teacher approaches the subject of the Equestrian civil war like a brilliant storyteller. With friends by your side to enjoy it, the class goes by fairly quickly, bringing you to another break, this time for lunch.
  596. Twilight Velvet had packed you some traditional pony fare, which you weren't entirely sure you wanted – a dandelion and honey sandwich and some hayfries. Before you can dig in, however, you find yourself face to face with two of the schoolyard bullies – a rather muscular pegasus colt named Monsoon Comet, and a dark and slender unicorn filly named Moonlight Eclipse.
  598. >"Hey new kid, give us your lunch!"
  599. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  600. You look to your friends. They are shaking in fear, but among your group, there are four, whereas there are only two bullies. Thus, you feel content to ignore them entirely.
  602. You reach into your bag to grab a few hay fries, and eat them. They remind you of leftover Arby's curly fries, but in a strangely good way, so you keep reaching for more and more.
  604. >"Hey, I don't think you heard me, I said give me your lunch!"
  606. Instead of complying, you reach a hoof forward and boop each of the aggressors on the nose.
  608. >"I don't think she understands what she's dealing with."
  610. In the corner of your eye, you see Moonlight reach into her saddlebag with her telekinesis and pull out a knife.
  612. What do?
  613. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  614. Moonlight's knife, while certainly sharper than a butter knife, is nonetheless fairly small. If well placed, it might be able to kill, but you're pretty sure she doesn't have it in her. At worst, you'd get a few cuts that would certainly hurt, but you'll live. You call her bluff.
  616. "You're retarded, aren't you?"
  618. Your boldness catches her off guard.
  620. >"Says the pony who doesn't seem to know what a knife is. Do you realize I could kill you right now?"
  622. "Do you realize I'm currently staying with the princess' protege, and that if she finds my bloodied corpse, they're going to do a lot worse to you than you did to me? But I don't think it'll even get to that. Do you know what I am? I'm a Navy fucking Seal. Do you want to see what gorilla warfare looks like? Because I'm going to fuck you up if you continue with that shit."
  624. Moonlight blinks and puts her knife away.
  626. >"Damn bitch, you crazy."
  628. She walks away with Monsoon. You've won this round, and have apparently caught the attention of a few other ponies, who are now cheering your name.
  630. What will you do now?
  631. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  632. You take a moment to calm yourself. Adrenaline is coursing through your veins, and for a while, you still feel like you can sense every action happening around you at all times. Reaching into your bag once more, you pull out the sandwich. You take an adventure bite, and it is incredibly sweet. Not just the honey, but the dandelion petals too. In a way, you can somewhat understand why people back on Earth made wine out of this stuff… although it could just be that your new pony taste buds are allowing you to enjoy certain foods that would otherwise have been more bitter as a human. You briefly contemplate whether this will mean that foods you used to enjoy as a human, like steak, will taste gross as a pony… as if you'd ever get the chance to enjoy steak again.
  634. Your newfound friends pester you about how amazing you are for standing up to the bullies. To the best of your ability, you try to entertain them with simple platitudes about how important it is to stand up for yourself. All the while, you slowly enjoy the sandwich. In a way, it feels a bit more important than the ponies you've been keeping the company of all of your lunch break, because this sandwich was not simply one that was given to you. This was a sandwich that you had to earn, risking life and limb to keep for yourself. Knowing that you had this victory made it taste better than anything you had ever eaten before in your life.
  636. Lunch ends soon enough, and you are brought in to your final class of the day: writing. The assignment of the day is to compose a poem. It can be about anything, but it must be from the heart.
  638. What will you write about?
  639. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  640. Visions of your home back on Earth dance in your head as you try your hardest to compose a poem. You try to focus your inspirations to come from your recent victory, but your creativity leaves off on a tangent of its own. In the end, you find yourself blending the two thoughts together. You stand before the class, and read…
  642. "Why do I fight?
  644. I have seen cities turned to soot and ash
  645. Thousands killed by a blinding flash
  646. War does nothing but ruin our lives
  647. Leaving dead husbands, and tearful wives
  649. Those who survive are plagued by guilt
  650. Over the many homes that must be rebuilt
  651. It's a pain that seeps deep like an adder's bite
  652. Why then, do I fight?
  654. I fight to protect my many friends
  655. They alone, make it worth it in the end
  656. Though family too makes life worth living
  657. Their love, a gift that just keeps giving
  659. I fight so I'll never have to be alone
  660. I'll fight for the simple pleasures at home
  661. To this I'll fight just one more day
  662. For sandwiches made of honey and fries of hay
  664. I hope I never have to fight again
  665. But if I must, it won't be in vain
  666. It will be for love, and friends, and laughter
  667. And a sweet, delicious, happy ever after
  669. That is why I fight."
  671. You take a bow to the sound of a hoof-stomping applause.
  673. Class ends soon after, and when school is over, you are met by Twilight and the rest of the family, minus Shining Armor who is still in class at Canterlot High.
  675. >"So how was your first day at school?"
  676. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  677. You flash Twilight a warm filly smile.
  679. "Honestly, it went pretty great. I even learned a new friendship lesson – always stand up to bullies, because it will make you popular with the whole school."
  681. Twilight gives you a playful noogie.
  683. >"Glad to hear you're doing well. I always remember that school as being a little bit brutal. I take it you're making friends alright?"
  685. "Well yeah. It helps to be nice to ponies and help them out with their work and such."
  687. Mama Velvet finally chimes into your conversation.
  689. >"It's probably for the best that you're making friends. Celestia's been pouring through birth records of Canterlot and the surrounding cities, and she can't find any pony that matches your name and description anywhere. Just where do you come from, exactly?"
  690. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  691. "Ummm…."
  693. More questions you'd rather not answer. How lucky Twilight must be to have come to Equestria in the body of an existing pony.
  695. "If I'm really honest, I can't remember that well. All I know is that it's pretty far from here."
  697. Mama Velvet sighs.
  699. >"Well, that'll make things difficult to find you a proper home. I hope you don't mind staying with us a little longer than expected. I mean, I don't mind taking care of you for an extended stay. Twilight sure seems to have taken a liking to you, but I'd just like to make sure it's what you want."
  700. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  701. You breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that you've got one less worry off your back.
  703. "Ms. Velvet, I don't think there's anywhere else I'd rather be staying right now."
  705. She pulls you up into a very warm embrace.
  707. >"You know, you don't have to call me Ms. Velvet. You can call me mama if you really want."
  709. Twilight Sparkle gives you a strange look in the eyes that says "I have no idea what the hell is going on here either."
  710. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  711. You embrace your new "mom" into an even tighter hug.
  713. "Thanks Mama Velvet. You're the best. I loved that sandwich you made earlier today, by the way."
  715. She giggles just a bit.
  717. >"Oh, you are too kind."
  719. Twilight Sparkle is looking at you kind of funny. You decide you're going to refer to her mentally as Purple from now on, seeing as "Mama Velvet" is also named Twilight. You're not sure what to call this look. Concern? Intrigue? Confusion? She's certainly studying your behavior.
  721. >"Hey mom, do you think I could take Anon with me to see Lyra today? I want to introduce them. You know, make my friends friends of each other and all that?"
  723. Velvet shrugs.
  725. >"Sure, just be home by 5."
  727. Purple motions for you to follow.
  728. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  729. A conversation you had with Purple the other day comes to mind. The other human in Canterlot was green, and in her class at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Was Lyra this filly? You aren't sure, but you don't have much better to do, so you follow.
  731. The walk to Lyra's house is relatively quiet, but you try to keep it from becoming too awkward with a little conversation about your day. Purple seems rather glad that you're getting along well at school, and tells you a little bit about her own day… of attempting to walk on clouds and falling through half the time. Mimicking the functionality of other pony races is apparently rather difficult to learn. It might be a while before she could confidently take other ponies on random trips to Cloudsdale.
  733. When you finally arrive at Lyra's place, you are met by her mom, who tells you she's practicing her Lyre, though you can feel free to bug her. A familiar tune greets you as you walk up the stairs…
  736. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  737. You rush into the room.
  739. "Ooh, ooh, do Free Bird!"
  741. Lyra gives you her best poker face possible.
  743. >"I was a busker back on Earth. Do you have any idea how many times I got asked to play that?"
  745. Fuck, did you just offend her on your first impression?
  747. >"About as many times as I got asked to play Stairway… until the meme died off and I ended up practicing on a song for months that I wouldn't end up playing that often. So you know what? If you want Free Bird… you better be ready to hear some fucking Free Bird!"
  749. She gets up on two hooves. You can tell she's had practice at this, because holy hell is that awkward in a pony body. What you hear is perhaps the best damn rendition of Free Bird you could get out of a harp and a filly voice. Really, she even managed to get some of the electric guitar distortion effect out of it, which you were not expecting at all in this world.
  751. In the end, she takes a bow.
  753. >"So… you're the filly Twi's been telling me about. Where you from? Back on Earth, that is."
  754. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  755. "'Murica"
  757. Lyra laughs a little to herself.
  759. >"No shit. But like, where from? At least say what state you're from. Like… I'm a Seattlite born and raised, Twi's from somewhere in Virginia, though she won't say where, and Blossomforth… Twi, did you figure out where she's from?"
  761. Purple puts a hoof to her chin for a moment to think.
  763. >"Well, based on her accent, I'd say probably Minnesota or Wisconsin. Hard to say. I didn't have much a chance to talk with her before she went bolting off to Ponyville. I hope she's not expecting to meet with too many of the other Mane Six. Pinkie should still be living on her rock farm for a few more years, and Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy should still be in Cloudsdale living with their parents. So she's going to have run away from an orphanage in a reasonably bustling city to what is basically a dump with just Applejack and Rarity."
  765. Lyra rolls her eyes.
  767. >"Twi, you're rambling again."
  769. >"Oh… right. So where are you from, Anon?"
  771. "If you must know… Texas."
  773. Both ponies nod.
  775. >"Best state by far."
  777. Lyra reaches an arm around you.
  779. >"Okay, you're alright. We should chill some more. What kinda music you like? I can do most classic rock, plus everything by Nirvana."
  780. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  781. "Know any Alice in Chains?"
  783. This earns you a smile, and your private Lyra concert continues. As it turns out, she knows a lot more songs than you had imagined, though still not perfect enough to play any old song you can request at her. She plays for about an hour, interrupted only slightly by her mother coming into the room, asking her to keep it down a bit.
  785. >"You know, a year and a half ago, you were such a sweet little filly with your lyre, and nowadays you only seem to play a racket."
  787. >"It's called rock, mom, and I'm going to revolutionize the Equestrian music scene, just you wait!"
  789. Of course a Canterlot mother won't understand. Lyra's a proper musician at heart. After a little while more, she finally stops to take a break.
  791. >"You know… back at home, this was my life. All day, every day. Even when it rained. Especially when it rained. I learned somewhere to the tune of a couple hundred songs, sometimes by ear, just to see a smiling face and a fresh 5 or 20 in my guitar case whenever I caught someone by surprise. 'Holy crap, he really knows that song!' I kept tabs on whatever people would request the most. Wasn't that good at making too many of my own songs, but I'd say I was probably the best cover artist in the whole Emerald city. And now… what am I, man?"
  793. She drags you into an even tighter hug.
  795. >"Thanks for being a good audience. I kinda needed that."
  796. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  797. You return the hug and pat Lyra on the back as you do so.
  799. "Fuckin' faggot."
  801. Lyra just laughs.
  803. >"Nah. I may have been a member of the 'left coast', but I was never into other guys. Give me pussy any day… fuck I miss pussy."
  805. She lays back on her bed and plucks a few random, somber chords.
  807. >"It's nice to have friends, really. Ponies have a lot of human-like qualities, but it's just… not the same. I kinda wish I could get a girlfriend though. None of the other humans would mesh well with me though. Twi was married, and still is in her heart. I think she misses her kids every day."
  809. Purple nods.
  811. >"I do. Although you two remind me a little of my sons in a way. I hope they're doing alright. I can only imagine what kind of chaos has been going on at home since I've left. Although I'm not entirely sure if time has passed on Earth at all or if, should we ever return, we'll end up right where we left off."
  813. >"You know Twi, if that actually happens, Blossom's gonna have the same problem as us in reverse. Mentally ages from 12 to who knows how old, drops right back into a 12 year old body and has to live with her mom again."
  815. The two share a collective laugh.
  817. >"So Anon, what are you hoping happens out of all of this?"
  818. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  819. "Honestly… I was hoping we could work on this together. Three brains is better than one, right?"
  821. Purple seems to nod in agreement.
  823. >"So I take it you're on team 'let's get the hell out of Equestria'? Kinda glad to hear. That said, you should probably know we're just as clueless as you are. I've been here for a little more than 2 years. In that time, I've earned a cutie mark for magic and I still have no idea what the hell is going on. I've read through every book I can find on magic, physics, history, you name it… still nothing that explains a phenomenon even close to this."
  825. Lyra breathes a deep, heavy sigh.
  827. >"It also begs a question as to why, doesn't it? I mean, I don't know about you two, but I wasn't THAT important back on Earth. I mean, sure I was good at what I did, but musicians in Seattle are kind of a dime a dozen. Would anyone have a cause to take a couple of nobodies and drop them into magic horse land, not even telling them what they're there for? Rap with me Anon, can you think of any reason this shit might be happening?"
  828. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  829. "Rap? If you say so, Lyra…"
  831. You jump onto the bed and proceed to rap:
  833. "Now, this story might sound absurdly silly
  834. But it's about how I got turned into a little filly
  835. And I'd like to take a minute
  836. Just sit right there, don't move or chuckle
  837. I'll tell you how I became the sister of a foal called Twilight Sparkle
  838. In Texas born and raised
  839. In front of the screen was where I spent most of my days
  840. Chillin' out is how I roll
  841. And all shitposting on a little board called /pol/
  842. When I went to sleep as life behooves
  843. And I woke up with weird green hooves
  844. I flirted with the princess but she took no heed
  845. She said 'You're movin' with Twilight's mom and her steed'"
  847. Your two pony audience bursts into laughter and applause immediately afterwards. Lyra immediately grabs you into another hug.
  849. >"Bro, you and me, we should do a thing. You bring rap to Equestria and I'll provide you accompaniment. I just need to get a bass guitar. Maybe a few other instruments too, this place is looking pretty barren. Sure I can learn a lyre in a few days to make it not look suspicious that I'm not as good at it as whoever this pony was before me, but fuck, I can do better."
  851. She finally lets go and collapses onto her bed.
  853. >"Seriously though, let's jam sometime, man."
  854. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  855. "You know what? We should jam. We can busk outside the castle and make total bank. Tons of rich nobles passing by."
  857. Lyra shakes her head.
  859. >"I can get what you're saying, but it would be like playing in front of the House of Congress. All you'd get is a bunch of pissed off bureaucrats telling you to keep it down. The best place in Canterlot to do this…"
  861. She opens up the curtains in front of her window to show a bustling city square down below
  863. >"Is right before our eyes."
  865. You gaze down upon the city streets and see it is covered in rich and middle class ponies going about their daily business. If Canterlot had any homeless, they certainly didn't show themselves. Ideas about how to profit off of this dance in your head.
  867. "Hey, what if we could get Twilight to dress up like a gypsy and dance to our music?"
  869. This causes Lyra to smile, and you both turn to see the now embarrassed Twilight.
  871. >"I- I'd say I have two left feet, but that is literally true for all of us right now. The answer is no though. I can't dance."
  873. So much for that idea.
  875. Will you do anything more with Lyra while you're at her house?
  876. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  877. It's a little close to 4 o'clock. You don't have to be back home until 5, so you try to think of something to do until then. Lyra looks pretty exhausted, and you do recall her mentioning missing pussy…
  879. You climb on top of the bed and lay next to her. Before she can react, you quickly set to work dividing her legs and eyeing your prize - a beautiful, mint-colored clit. You quickly reach out to attack it with your tongue.
  881. >"Uh Anon? What are you dooooooooooooiiing?"
  883. You don't stop. Instead, you straddle her in hopes she'll catch on and join in. Fuck her snatch tastes good. It… your tongue is frozen in place. Lyra crawls out from under you, and you see a very displeased Twilight in front of you.
  885. >"I forgot to mention one thing about Anon… she's a bit of a pervert."
  887. Lyra laughs and gives you a playful noogie.
  889. >"The filly who loved too much, eh? Don't worry mate, I won't hold it against you. We're all a bit tense. That said, like I said before, I'm not gay. I don't care if you are, but I don't swing that way."
  891. Now what?
  892. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  893. "Alright Lyra, I'll try not to do that again. Although you know, it's not THAT gay if you think about it. You see, since we're both male minded but with a female body, it's sort of a Schrödinger's…"
  895. Purple gives you a light hoof to the head.
  897. >"You know, maybe you should try asking people whether they'd like to fool around with you BEFORE you decide to go around shoving your face in their snatch. Were you like this back at home? Or are you just doing this because you know you couldn't get away with it as a man?"
  898. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  899. You don't need to listen to this shit.
  901. "Alright Twilight, give me a fucking break. I've never been a hormonal pre-teen filly before."
  903. Purple seems to just roll her eyes, but to your surprise, Lyra comes to your support.
  905. >"She's got a point. Neither of us know what it's like to be female. You got messed with in one less way than us in this. I might have a little more self control, but even I can understand the sexual tension to a point. Fuck, does this world even have dildos? Because I think we could all use some fucking dildos."
  907. Purple stares at her blankly.
  909. >"Dildos. Really? Even if there are stores that sell them here, do you really think ponies would just hand away dildos to a bunch of fillies?"
  911. >"Then we'll have to MAKE a dildo. Cut up a broom handle, polish it, maybe carve it into the right shape… Anon, what do you think of this? Think it'll solve your rampant sex drive? Because if so, I will DESTROY the next broom I see, so help me."
  912. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  913. "A dildo? I can't have a dildo! I don't want to pop my hymen and lose my virginity."
  915. Purple stares at you for all of about 5 seconds, waiting for a punchline.
  917. >"So, let me get this straight. Trying to put my brother's dick in you, and shoving your face up mine and Lyra's snatch, does not count as losing your virginity, but masturbating with a dildo made out of a modified broom handle does?"
  919. Lyra can't contain her laughter.
  921. >"Holy shit… you tried to fuck her brother? I'm pretty sure that dick would break you. Should I make your dildo extra large?"
  923. "Alright, fine. Make me a big, black, dragon dildo. It needs to make all of the white stallions jealous."
  925. More laughter, this time from both Lyra and Twilight.
  927. >"Okay, okay. See me after classes tomorrow. I'm going to have to practice my whittling skills. At least you can't get shot in Equestria for whittling."
  929. Soon enough, you find yourself having to leave. Twilight's house isn't too far, but it's still a bit of a walk, and you don't want to be home later than 5, lest you upset your new mother. The walk there is a bit more silent and awkward than before, likely due to your weird antics just a few moments prior. At least Lyra seems to think you're alright, albeit a bit eclectic. Twilight though… she may have to get used to you being just a little on the weird side.
  931. After about 10 minutes or so, you arrive home. You are welcomed by Mama Velvet and Night Light, as well as by Cadence, who is for some reason having tea with the family as if nothing happened last night. Purple has the same face of confusion that she had earlier in the day.
  933. What do?
  934. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  935. While Purple may seem weirded out, you aren't one to look a gift pony in the mouth. You approach your new family and give out hugs to both Velvet and Cadence, like a good filly should. As you give Cadence her hug, you quietly whisper into her ear, "sorry about yesterday."
  937. Cadence seems a little confused.
  939. >"Yesterday? I don't really remember much from yesterday. I made you pizza, and then… well Celestia, it's all fuzzy after that."
  941. She puts a hoof to her chin for a few seconds.
  943. >"Anon, have you been a bad filly?"
  944. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  945. Out of the corner of your eyes, you see a bright flash of green light emanate from Velvet's horn for a split second. Or at least you think you did, you're not quite sure. It could have been a trick of your eyes.
  947. "Me? Oh no, I don't misbehave any more than any other filly. I think Shiny might have done something."
  949. >"Hey, don't go about pointing hooves at me!"
  951. Everyone shares a collective laugh at Shining's expense.
  953. "At least that's what I think happened."
  955. You no longer remember any of the events from yesterday from the point after when you finished your pizza up until the point when dinner was finished.
  956. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  957. You look around for Purple. She appears to have left the room. Strange. You look back to Mama Velvet.
  959. "Did you… cast any spells just a few seconds ago? Because I could have sworn I saw your horn flash a little."
  961. She nods.
  963. >"Yep. Had to reheat my tea since it was getting cold. Would you like some, dear?"
  964. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  965. Not wanting to be impolite, you accept some tea from Velvet. You try to reflect on what you can of the events of the day, but you can't help but feel as though some of your knowledge may be fake. Just what happened yesterday? Did you even finish your hide and seek game? You very much consider finishing your hide and seek game with Twilight. Before you can get up to go look for her, however, you notice some strange writing on the wall opposite you:
  968. >"Meet me in my room in 5 minutes. As you enter, say the name of the first US president."
  969. >"-Sparkle"
  971. What do?
  972. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  973. The text on the wall disappears as soon as you finish reading it. You have to admit, it's a little bit creepy, but you nonetheless decide to comply with it. For a little under 5 minutes, you keep up conversation with the family, and finish your tea. Then you excuse yourself from the table and head upstairs.
  975. As soon as you enter Twilight's room, you provide the answer she is looking for.
  977. "George Washington"
  979. >"Good answer."
  981. Twilight closes the door behind you and casts some sort of a spell that causes the walls to glow temporarily with the same fuchsia color as her horn's magic aura.
  983. >"This room is now sound proofed. Nothing that is said inside here can be heard outside. The reverse is not true in case we have any eavesdroppers. Tell me, have you noticed anything strange going on today?"
  984. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  985. "Well…"
  987. For a brief moment, you think about the events of the day.
  989. "Both Cadence and I have very hazy recollections of everything that happened yesterday. I saw a green flash of magic coming from your mom's horn earlier today, but when I asked her, she said it was from re-heating her tea. I thought that tea was pretty hot though, not sure why she needed to re-heat it."
  991. Twilight walks up to you slowly and places her hooves on your shoulders.
  993. >"Anon, this is going to hurt for just a second."
  995. She slams her forehead into yours extraordinarily hard. A flash of fuchsia light envelops the room for only a split second, and the both of you collapse to the ground, writhing in agony from a splitting headache that seems to last for a very slow minute. A vision flashes before your eyes – Twilight's recollection of yesterday's events.
  996. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  997. You see a few things you didn't particularly want to see. Bolting out the door of Shining's room while he fucks Cadence. Trying to ride Shining's cock. Shoving your face into Twilight's cooter… okay, you remember that one, but you didn't remember it from her point of view. You're kind of a pervert. Maybe you do need therapy after all.
  999. "Twi, what the hell is all of this?"
  1001. She struggles to get onto her hooves again, only to collapse as soon as it looks like she has some balance in her.
  1003. >"Something that I am now almost instantly regretting. Are you holding up okay? Because my head hurts like a son of a bitch."
  1005. "I feel like I got kicked in the head by a Kangaroo. Can we nuke Australia please?"
  1007. >"Sure, just as soon as we figure out what the hell is wrong with mom. She's been acting a little weird for the past few days to be honest, not just today. She isn't normally as lovey dovey with dad, nor is she the type to just want to keep a filly she just met a day ago. Now she's casting spells that wiped yours' and Cadence's memory, possibly the rest of the family too. Any thoughts on what's going on here?"
  1008. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1009. You try to think. Thinking, as it turns out, is very hard when your head feels like it's going to explode. Did you get a concussion out of this? SHOULD you be thinking this hard?
  1011. "Uh… I don't know, maybe some kind of interdimensional dream demon or something? Nightmare Moon is still a thing at this point in time, right? Maybe she can possess ponies from the moon?"
  1013. Twilight shrugs.
  1015. >"I guess? I was thinking something more like a changeling sleeper agent, but I suppose that's possible too. But whatever that is, it's not mom. What do we do about her?"
  1016. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1017. Your blood is practically boiling. Who the fuck does this cunt think she is, wiping out your memories and making you have to go through this painful process of getting them back only somewhat.
  1019. "I say we rip and tear her a new asshole. Get me a knife. I'll fuck her shit up!"
  1021. Twilight gives you a simple half smile.
  1023. >"I'd like that… but more importantly, when and where? If we try and attack her now, Cadence and Shiny will obviously stop us. If we try to take her alone, there's still a chance that she's physically stronger than us. I used up a hell of a lot of magic just sound proofing this room and on that memory transfer spell. How well can you hold a knife in those hooves?"
  1024. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1025. "Well… if she's a changeling like you think, she's obviously going to be feeding off love. Maybe I can lull her into a false sense of security by cuddling up to her? You could then maybe tell the rest of the family what's going on, or stab her in the back or something."
  1027. >"I… maybe?"
  1029. Twilight paces back and forth across the room, deep in thought.
  1031. >"We'd need to get her alone. I don't know about convincing the others, but if you could sufficiently distract her, I could probably get a knife in her back. What time though, tonight? Tomorrow morning after dad's gone to work?"
  1032. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1033. "Night time seems most reasonable. Only time of day she'd be easiest to distract."
  1035. >"Fair, but this means we have another problem. How do we distract dad?"
  1037. "Well, I was hoping we could first make sure Velvet's actually a changeling or whatever before we actually go and do this. Maybe wait a few days?"
  1039. >"Obviously, but we don't want to wait until the day we actually go through with this to make any plans. I'd like to have at least a rough idea of how we're going to do any of this before we take any actions, and then we can adjust our plans if need be. So that leaves us with two problems to solve before we can proceed…"
  1041. "How to prove Velvet's not Velvet, and how to isolate her if this turns out to be the case?"
  1043. >"Precisely."
  1044. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1045. "Test her memory and knowledge of pony customs, maybe?"
  1047. Twilight takes a brief pause before she retorts.
  1049. >"Only problem is we don't know how long she's been replacing Velvet. It's worth a shot, since a failure is an almost guarantee of an impostor, but it may still be possible for a changeling to provide the answers. Also, we want to make sure she doesn't suspect anything. If I provide you some questions, do you think you could ask them for me? You may end up risking a memory wipe, but I think with the right questions and the right phrasing, it'll seem perfectly innocent."
  1050. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1051. "Well, I mean… if all of this `is too hard to tackle on our own, there's always the Celestia option."
  1053. Twilight puts a hoof to her head and slowly drags it along
  1055. >"I mean yes, buuuuuuuuttt… it's not that good of an option."
  1057. "Oh?"
  1059. >"Celestia's not as competent as we give her credit for. Though it would be prudent that I tell her tomorrow about today's events, I'd give about a 50/50 chance that she tries to find some way to pin it back on me to handle it."
  1061. "But you're like… 10. Shouldn't she wait a bit before she throws that crap at you?"
  1063. >"Yes, I am 10 – at least in this body. But this is a cartoon world. What do cartoon rules state about 10 year olds and saving the world?"
  1065. "…fuck."
  1067. >"Best case scenario, she gives me a spell to expose changelings or expel demons, and we can gut her after we get full proof of everything. But I like to have backup plans. And backup plans for said backup plans. I might not be THE Twilight Sparkle, but I can get her level of super organization, you know? Now, what the hell do we do now? We need to not seem suspicious when we eventually go downstairs."
  1068. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1069. Something to do, something to do… you open up the blinds and look out Twilight's window. Outside, you see the sun, clouds, and the peculiar architecture of many Canterlot buildings outside. It really is rather nice that the city is nestled into a mountain.
  1071. "You know Twilight, you've got a nice view of the moon and stars outside."
  1073. She giggles a little.
  1075. >"Yep, plenty of stars. All one of them… but yeah, it's pretty good for stargazing. Do you want to go see them tonight? I've actually got a nice telescope that my mom got me for my birthday last year. And yes, that is going to be one of the questions I'd like to ask her should we need to use that strategy."
  1076. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1077. "You know what? Stargazing would be pretty nice. We should do it outside though. Keeps me away from the monster inside, and makes me feel like some sort of NEET who's allergic to fresh air."
  1079. Twilight walks up to you and gently wraps a hoof around you.
  1081. >"Tell me something… in this short time you've come to this world, how do you feel? Are you scared?"
  1082. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1083. You feel the weight of the past day and a half sink deep into you. It hasn't even been two days since you've arrived on this world, and you've already had a pony threaten you with a knife, and another actually take away some of the few precious memories you've earned here.
  1085. "Twi, I'm… VERY scared. This whole world is dangerous, and I don't know how to interact with it or anyone here. The pony who is supposed to be in charge is useless, and I am perhaps only a few yards away from a literal monster who can violate my mind any time she wants to. I almost got stabbed a few hours ago. And the cherry on top of all of this? I keep hearing voices in my head, and somehow they make me feel so, so alone. Is there something wrong with me?"
  1087. Twilight slowly meanders onto her bed and taps it with her hoof.
  1089. >"Alright, come here, you. This is purely platonic, so no funny business."
  1091. Not sure where this is going, you join her on the bed. She warps her forelegs around you like a vice upon your chest, and pulls you into her.
  1093. >"When I first came here, I was… very panicked. It was Christmas back at home, and I was not going to be there for my family. Instead I was here, waking up to a family of complete strangers. I hardly even recognized myself when I looked in the mirror. I was apparently supposed to be Ms. 'Twilight Sparkle', but I couldn't cast magic, had no butt mark, didn't have the wings like on that toy I got for my daughter… I go to school and don't recognize anyone. I felt like I had to retrace all of the steps of whomever this Twilight was, so I did the best I could remember from the few episodes I had watched. I became a student for Celestia, who turned out to be grossly incompetent or the world's biggest troll; I got my brother together with Cadence, who as it turns out really only puts up with his general geekiness because of how well-endowed he is…"
  1095. She rests her forehead on your head and you can feel warm, wet tears slowly start to fall on you.
  1097. >"…and yet none of it brought me closer to getting home. I read every book I could find in the Canterlot library for magical artifacts, magical spells, anything that could bring me back. One of them mentioned a mirror, but the world it leads into is a crude facsimile of our own. Anything else close to being able to travel between worlds is so far beyond my physical and mental capabilities, and I don't even know if they'll bring me back to my Earth, or a completely different one, or if it'll just be some other pony world."
  1099. She holds you even tighter and starts to tremble. Her voice becomes heavier, as if it were becoming more difficult for her to breathe.
  1101. >"I don't even know if I'll ever see them again. I don't even know if they've… moved on without me. Has my husband remarried? Do my children still miss me? Why did I have to leave them, Anon? Tell me this much. Does God want to test us? Is this really His work at all? Does He even exist in this world? Are we all just dead?"
  1102. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1103. You turn around to hug Twilight back. Though you can't give a bear hug quite like the middle aged mother trapped in the body of a filly, you can damn well try. For several minutes, the only sound that can be heard in the room is that of two fillies weeping. You weep for lost loved ones, for a return to safety and sanity, and most importantly, because life in Equestria is too hard not to weep from time to time. At least no one outside the room can hear you.
  1105. Twilight is the first to stop crying.
  1107. >"Thanks… for that. I kind of needed that."
  1109. You dry your eyes and nuzzle her.
  1111. "No, I needed that. It's nice to know that… that I'm not alone here in this hell hole."
  1113. She cracks a slight smile and holds you closer to her chest. You can hear her heart beating. It isn't particularly fast, but it is loud.
  1115. >"You're not really alone here. You've got me and Lyra, and I'll bet someday you'll venture out and find the others. I don't think I've met all of the human-turned ponies in this world, and I know it's entirely possible that there will still be new arrivals to come. I'm not sure how I feel about that though. On one hand, it means new friends. On the other, it means more will end up suffering until we fix this. What's a pony to do?"
  1116. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1117. "Look, Twi…"
  1119. You look into her eyes, which are still wet from the tears and growing heavier. She isn't too happy about her predicament even with her forced smile.
  1121. "We're gonna do the best we can. Sometimes life likes to throw us into bizarre predicaments, and the best we can do is keep up the struggle. And if there are more ponies coming our way, so be it. That just means more minds to figure out what's going on and hopefully get us all out of this mess."
  1123. This makes her smile look a little more real to you, and she hugs you once more.
  1125. >"Thank you for that. I guess… I kind of get burned out every so often from all of this. I've been trying to bear the brunt of all of the work trying to get us home since, well… I'm the only one who can really understand any of the things I'm dealing with, and only just barely. But I think, if nothing else, you make for some really good moral support. You're almost like a proper big brother even though you're technically younger than me, and also no longer male."
  1127. She sighs and collapses back onto her bed.
  1129. >"So what do we do now?"
  1130. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1131. You curl up next to your emotionally exhausted 'sister' and wrap your hooves around her once more. It was kind of odd that she thought of you like a brother, but in some way, it was rather comforting.
  1133. "Twi, do we have to head downstairs now? Can we just… stay like this for a while?"
  1135. She holds your hooves tight to her chest.
  1137. >"I suppose it wouldn't hurt."
  1139. The two of you stay there for almost an hour, sharing each other's warmth and comfort, completely silent save for your breaths and heartbeats, which you become acutely aware of. Throughout all of this, Twilight appears to be staring off into space. Something is clearly on her mind, though you cannot tell whether it's about her family back at home, her mother here, or something else entirely.
  1141. Your silence is broken soon enough by a knock on the door, followed by the voice of Night Light.
  1143. >"Twilight, Anon, dinner time."
  1144. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1145. Shouting "coming" would be the thing most ponies would do in this situation. You almost do just that, until you remember that the room is still enchanted and no sound you make can be heard from the outside. Instead, you open the door and the room flashes fuchsia once again before dissipating its aura, presumably losing its magic as well. As you walk down the stairs and into the dining room with Twilight, you make a mental note to be prepared for anything.
  1147. Dinner, as it would seem, is a nice hearty potato-vegetable soup. It tastes surprisingly delicious despite the lack of meat, and you start to wonder whether or not Twilight's real mother, assuming this isn't her real mother, is as good a cook as whomever it is in the room with you right now.
  1149. Finding out who Velvet really is does seem to be of importance though, so you think up some low key questions to ask her…
  1151. Wait, what were you just doing? And why does Velvet look tired all of a sudden? There is a message written in magic on the wall behind her that disappears just as soon as you read it, like earlier.
  1153. >"I am missing 37 seconds of memory. What should we do? - Sparkle"
  1154. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1155. If you were going to act, now would have be the time. Velvet's lethargy could likely mean she couldn't throw out another amnesia spell for a while, especially after having to use it on 5 ponies at once. But you don't. There are too many ponies around, and failure could be disastrous. Instead you elect to leave the problem off for another day. You place a hoof on Purple's back and spell out a few letters one by one: "CELESTIA". Her response is a single letter: "K"
  1157. The rest of the meal goes pretty uneventfully, with Velvet leaning against Night Light displaying an almost uncomfortable level of affection. It's enough that even Cadence decides to excuse herself from the table first, with Shining following soon after. You finish your meal soon enough, around the same time as Purple. She runs up to the window to take a look outside and returns back to you with a little smile beaming across her face.
  1159. >"Hey, it's getting dark soon. You were saying earlier you wanted to go stargazing?"
  1160. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1161. "Stargazing, right. We should go get that telescope."
  1163. Twilight nods and runs up the stairs to get her equipment. You pass the time watching Spike. He really is a lot younger than you're used to seeing from the show, and from what you've seen thus far, he sleeps a lot. He is, admittedly, adorable when he sleeps however. You reach a hoof over to try to gently pet him, which he immediately grabs and nuzzles like a pillow. Silently, you pray that he remain unharmed by the whole "bug" situation.
  1165. Soon, Twilight returns with a pretty sizable telescope and a couple of coats to keep warm in the cold streets of Canterlot. The two of you walk outside to set up the telescope, and spend the next few hours taking turns exploring the night's sky. It really is rather pretty, getting more so as the sky turns darker throughout the night. You try to locate some recognizable stars and constellations, but find none.
  1167. "Hey Twi, do you think we might just be in the distant future, with the stars that we know having gone supernova?"
  1169. >"I have no clue where we are in time and space. All I know is…"
  1171. She turns the telescope towards the moon as you stare through it. It's almost blinding in its luminosity, but even more striking is the dark alicorn face staring back at you.
  1173. >"We are certainly not on any version of Earth."
  1174. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1175. "I suppose you're right. Hell, the fact that we've got Celestia changing out the sun and moon every day should make it obvious that this world is a little… different."
  1177. >"Yeah, pretty much."
  1179. Your stargazing continues for a little while more, until eventually, Velvet comes outside and tells you that it's getting late and you should get to sleep soon. Not having much of a choice, and given that it was starting to get cold out, you head back inside.
  1181. As you enter the house, and Velvet is out of earshot, Twilight whispers a few words into your ears.
  1183. >"If you need to do anything outside of the room, like using the bathroom, do it now, because I'm going to be getting a protection spell cast on it."
  1184. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1185. You follow Twiliht's advice, despite not needing to use the bathroom THAT much. At the very least, the experience hasn't changed much since being back on Earth. The toilets are very much like they were in America, and the toilet paper isn't leaves. In fact, when you think about it, there's a lot of areas in Equestria that you haven't had to experience culture shock in. Kind of weird if you think about it.
  1187. When you come back to the bedroom, you see that Twilight has laid out a sleeping bag for you. Her bed looks a lot nicer though.
  1189. "Hey Twi, do you think I could sleep with you tonight? I promise not to do anything lewd…"
  1191. She rolls her eyes playfully and gestures for you to come up.
  1193. >"Alright alright. It could be a scary night, so fine. Either way, I'm getting Shiny to put a shield spell on the room. I told him I was having nightmares and was afraid monsters would come for me in the night. He didn't believe me, but I said I'd do the dishes for him for a week, so he reluctantly agreed. Have you got everything you need?"
  1195. You nod and crawl into bed with her. She turns out the lights and you set about falling asleep. It isn't very easy, with the thought of Velvet attacking in the night keeping you up. These thoughts are soon assuaged as the walls begin to glow with a blue aura. Shining's spell, Twilight's embrace… you feel safe. Now the only thing troubling you is the voices inside your head. In a quiet voice, you pester your half asleep bedmate with one final question.
  1197. "Twi, do you think we should nuke North Korea?"
  1199. >"Mmmnnng, no. They suck, but we don't want fallout on Seoul."
  1201. She wraps you tighter in her embrace, and you hear a few last words from her as you drift off to sleep.
  1203. >"Jal ja yo, Anon"
  1205. Sleep meets you quickly… only to be disturbed a few hours later by a rustling at the door.
  1206. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1207. The rustling is loud and disturbing, but it only lasts for a few long seconds before stopping suddenly. Somehow, it doesn't manage to wake up Twilight at all. You can still see her breathing, but nonetheless, it is strange how she can sleep like the dead through such a matter.
  1209. Not knowing when whatever that was would come back, you search around the room for something you can use as a weapon. Unfortunately, any knives that might be in the house would be in the kitchen, and leaving the room to grab one would drop the shield. There aren't even scissors that you could take apart and improvise as into a knife. You begin to give up hope at a means of self protection until you open up the closet door… a baseball bat sitting against the wall greets your eyes. It has a label "Home Run" carved into it – Twilight's handwriting (horn/hoof/mouth writing? You aren't sure what fits here). You grab it and crawl back into bed, clutching it tight in case whatever it is comes back.
  1211. A half hour more passes, and you hear a rustling again, this time at the window. In the corner of your eyes, you can see a changeling pounding against the shield walls outside.
  1212. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1213. You bite your hoof just lightly to make sure you aren't dreaming… yep, you can feel it. This is definitely real. Unless that gimmick doesn't actually work and you can feel pain in dreams. But there's no time for that. Quickly, you shake Twilight awake and point to the window, where the changeling is currently pounding – panicked, but still silent.
  1215. She forces your head low and under the blanket and curls up close to you. As soft as she can, she whispers into your ear.
  1217. >"The shield won't fail, and she'll have to give up soon enough. Chances are, she's going to try and ambush us in the morning, so I'm thinking we should sneak out about an hour or two before we normally do. The window is safer than the doorway, I can at least slow fall us since it's only a 2 story jump. Will that work for you?"
  1218. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1219. Not wanting to get into a fight with a changeling right away, you comply. The night passes slowly, and you find it difficult to get to sleep, but at the very least, the changeling flies away soon enough, easing some of your troubles. You eventually manage to drift away to sleep once again, but this is interrupted all too soon by Twilight pulling off the blankets at the crack of dawn.
  1221. >"We're going to jump very soon. I can use my magic to slow our descent just a bit, so it shouldn't hurt much. Are you ready, Anon?"
  1222. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1223. You grab the bat and place it between your teeth. In case you encounter Velvet again, or run into some other changeling, you'll need a weapon. Also, you don't want to bite your tongue when you hit the ground. For good luck, you also boop Twilight's nose with your hoof, earning you a raised eyebrow. She turns towards the window.
  1225. >"Alright on the count of three, I'm going to open this. I want you to jump out as soon as I do. I'll slow your fall so you don't get hurt."
  1227. Fuck, that's going to suck.
  1229. >"One… two… three!"
  1231. She opens the window and you run out blindly. Falling is a very terrifying feeling as you approach faster and faster towards the ground. It's even worse when you consider it's only from the second story. Is she really going to… Before you can finish that thought, you feel a force pulling up on you about an inch before you hit the ground. It hurts to be tugged so suddenly, but you are safe.
  1233. Twilight's turn is next, and she wastes no time in her jump. You move to try and catch her, but again, her fall is slowed just an inch before falling into your hooves. She drops to the ground and motions for you to be silent.
  1235. >"We sneak out of the yard, then we bolt to the castle as soon as we're out of hearing range. I'm gonna need you to watch my six in case she chases after us."
  1236. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1237. Each step through the yard feels like an eternity, and despite your best efforts to keep your hoofsteps quiet, you can hear them as loudly as your pounding heartbeat. Nevertheless, you continually scan the area, keeping close to Twilight as you reach closer and closer to the street.
  1239. To your good fortune, there aren't exactly a lot of ponies outside. There are perhaps one or two early morning joggers that pass by you, but they seem content to stick to themselves. You don't talk to them in case they could be a changeling, but neither do you allow yourself to act too suspicious. After passing a few houses, you start to pick up your pace. Soon enough, you're even passing Lyra's house - a safe point if there ever was one.
  1241. What feels like the longest half hour ever passes, and you soon make it to the walls of the castle. Fortunately, the guards do not give you too much problem as you make your way in. It probably helps that you were here just two days ago, and that Twilight visits the princess on a regular basis. Regardless, you feel paranoid to talk to anyone other than the princess herself. Could any of the changelings impersonate her? You shiver at the thought.
  1243. The two of you make it only as far as a lobby before Twilight decides to take a seat on a bench. She casts a spell, though you're not sure what it is. After a few minutes, Celestia emerges from a room and approaches the two of you.
  1245. >"Password is Green Tea. What's wrong, my little ponies?"
  1246. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1247. You sit back on your bench and try to calm your nerves as Twilight explains her problems to the princess. This is her burden to bear, and you don't want to say anything stupid to the princess before you. Surely, you must already look like a degenerate carrying a baseball bat into her castle.
  1249. >"Princess, in short, I believe my mother has been replaced by a changeling. She has at least once used memory spells to erase a portion of my memory, and twice to erase a portion of my family's memory, including Anon's. I believe at least one of these circumstances was to remove from our minds an incident that had Cadence kicked out of the house, and the second, to cover up her own failure to answer probing questions at the dinner table. The night following this, we had a changeling drone pounding at our window trying to break into my room. If you wish, I can use my memory transfer spell to show this to you."
  1251. The princess tilts her head and gives Twilight an look of concern.
  1253. <"Memory transfer? Twilight, have you been reading ahead? You know I've told you those spells are too rough on a filly your age. You could seriously hurt yourself."
  1255. >"I do what I must!"
  1257. There is a fiery determination in Twilight's violet eyes, which takes Celestia off guard.
  1259. >"Princess, I… I will do everything I must to protect my friends, my family, and my country. Over the past year or so, you've been trying to teach me a degree of self reliance so that I can effectively research independently. Well push has come to shove and this is what I have to show for it. And yes, it has taken a lot out of me. I am physically exhausted. I used my telekinesis to save myself AND Anon from injury when we jumped from the second floor of a building to sneak away from whatever monster is inhabiting my house. Now will you help me or not?"
  1261. Celestia raises a hoof and gently strokes the cheek of her frustrated student.
  1263. <"Oh Twilight… of course I will. I'm sorry if I've been pushing you too hard. At least I know now where your limits are. How about you go into the royal kitchen and fix yourself up some breakfast. I'll have a few of my guards look into changeling situation. Don't worry yourself about it anymore."
  1265. Twilight gives a tight and somewhat teary hug. As she does this, Celestia turns her focus to you.
  1267. <"And how are you holding out, Anon? This must be exhausting for you."
  1268. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1269. You stand up from your spot on the bench, grabbing the baseball bat in your mouth once again. It drops from your grip onto the stone castle floor, causing a ringing sound to echo throughout the otherwise mostly silent room. There are bags under your eyes that reveal just how empty you feel as you stare up at the princess.
  1271. "Well I'm not fucking okay, that's for sure. I'm actually rather paranoid and don't know who the hell I can trust. I can't even tell if you're not a changeling. Is there anything you could say that only you would know?"
  1273. The princess pauses for a moment to think. Without a word, her horn glows and before you appears a few sheets of bubble wrap.
  1275. <"Will that work?"
  1276. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1277. "That'll do Princess, that'll do."
  1279. You place the bubble wrap onto the bench and sit back down to pop the bubbles individually. The sound of the crushing plastic soothes you, and allows you to focus on the main problem at hand.
  1281. "Tell me, Princess, how are you so calm about this?"
  1283. Celestia gives you a quick affectionate nuzzle, steadying your nerves even more. She gives you a warm smile in her reply.
  1285. <"I am over a thousand years old, and in my time, Changelings have tried to attack a total of 16 times. Though they are persistent and cunning, they have never succeeded. I gain nothing in blind paranoia. Instead, I make friends and cultivate knowledge among my faithful citizenry so that we can always stay one step ahead of our enemies. For everything you and Twilight have gone through over the past day, did you not make it through to me in one piece?"
  1286. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1287. You shrug and continue to pop more bubble wrap.
  1289. "I mean I guess we made it out fine. Still don't feel so well about everything"
  1291. Celestia flashes you a warm smile. If looks could kill, this mare would make Chairman Mao look like the Dalai Lama.
  1293. <"Then don't worry yourself. You're safe now, and by the end of the day, I'll make sure you have a warm bed to fall asleep in that is safe from monsters. Running a nation is a chess game I've been playing for far too long for one or two changelings to be able to threaten things. Now how about you scoot yourself over to that kitchen? I bet if you ask nicely, you might be able to convince my chef Gustaf to make you pancakes."
  1295. The princess shoos you off in the direction of the kitchen and leaves to speak with a guard. What do?
  1296. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1297. With the need to keep your guard up all the time removed, your body begins to return to a more normal state. Suddenly, you become very aware of how little sleep you were able to get over the night, and of the fact that you haven't eaten breakfast yet. In your sapped state, you meander over to the kitchen and see Twilight sitting at a table and chatting with a gryphon in a chef's hat. That must be Gustaf.
  1299. Positioned in front of Twilight appears to be eggs, hash browns and… is that bacon? If that's not hay, you need it in your body right now.
  1301. "Twilight, is that bacon?"
  1303. A mischievous smile answers your question as she tears off a piece of a bacon strip and levitates it over to you. You take a bite and… holy shit that's real pork.
  1305. "Gustaf, please tell me you have more where that came from."
  1307. He points to a second plate on the kitchen counter.
  1309. >"Don't go telling Celestia I'm feeding meat to curious fillies now."
  1310. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1311. You sit down at the table with your plate of food and place a strip of bacon across your face. This earns you a funny look from the others in your company, especially as you proceed to bite the end of it and slurp it into your mouth like a noodle. Twilight giggles.
  1313. "What?"
  1315. >"You're weird Anon, but it's a good weird. Never change."
  1317. The rest of your food you eat normally. Two days has been too long to go without good protein. What Gustaf said didn't sit too well for you, however.
  1319. "Is there anything wrong with fillies eating meat?"
  1321. True to her characteristic need to be a smartass, Twilight provides your answer before Gustaf can speak.
  1323. >"It can give us indigestion, kind of like cats who eat grass and then throw it up afterwards."
  1325. >>"Yes, well, that hasn't stopped you from asking for it whenever Celestia isn't looking. It's like you have some sort of carnivore living inside you."
  1327. If only he knew…
  1329. >"I need my brain food! Eggs and bacon are full of delicious choline. Do you want me to fail my next test?"
  1331. Gustaf rolls his eyes. You hope you aren't going to regret this bacon later. For now, you savor every bite.
  1332. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1333. As you finish your meal, you look down upon your empty plate and contemplate the wisdom of this decision. You don't feel too terrible yet, but if it gets bad enough, you probably won't do this again. Or at least not as often as Twilight does. Is she mad, or simply exaggerating the effects of meat on a filly's digestion. Doesn't matter. If you're going to be a filly, you're going to stick to a healthy and nutritious diet of sugar, flour, and whatever other carbohydrate-packed food groups ponies tend to eat.
  1335. Twilight wraps a hoof around you.
  1337. >"Hey, don't overthink it too much. Eating meat for a pony is no worse than eating a ton of sugar for certain other species."
  1339. Your mind flashes back to a Halloween night when you were 9 years old. You had the dumb idea to eat half your trick or treat bag and didn't want to eat anything the next morning. Maybe you'd do it once again in a blue moon if you felt stupid. On the other hand, you're a horse now. Sugar is your bitch.
  1341. >"So…"
  1343. Your focus is brought back to reality, and you see a very bored Twilight looking you straight in the eyes from an adjacent seat.
  1345. >"We're stuck in the castle until the princess captures and interrogates bug mom. What do you feel like doing?"
  1346. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1347. "You."
  1349. Twilight tilts her head quizzically.
  1351. >"Huh?"
  1353. "That is uh…"
  1355. You vomit up the spaghetti and wheatballs from the day before yesterday… or at least that's what you think it is. Gustaf faints. You might have just insulted his cooking. You're not sure.
  1357. "That's what I want to do. You."
  1359. Twilight smacks her face with her hoof.
  1361. >"You are absolutely terrible at pickup lines."
  1363. You shrug and wipe the vomit off from your face.
  1365. "Yeah well, I was just trying to tell a joke. No idea where the spaghetti came from. Shouldn't that have been completely digested and gone out through the other end by now?"
  1367. >"I honestly have no idea myself. Say, are you going to clean that up? I mean, I can't see any towels around here, but you could probably wipe it up with a lampshade and hang it up to dry or something. No one would notice."
  1369. "I'm pretty sure everyone would notice. Besides, aren't there cleaning staff in here?"
  1371. >"There are, but I needed to make a joke at everyone's expense."
  1373. "Everyone? Didn't Gustaf just faint? I'm pretty sure we're the only conscious ponies in the room."
  1375. She points out the kitchen window to reveal the castle garden.
  1377. >"See that statue over there? That's Discord. He can't talk or do anything for the next decade or so, but I'm pretty sure he's cringing every time he hears someone dropping trope names and breaking the fourth wall."
  1379. "Okay, for real though, we should get something done. Do you want to make a bubble wrap fort?"
  1381. >"Eh, sure why not."
  1383. And you spend the entire morning constructing a scale model of Canterlot Castle out of cardboard boxes and bubble wrap.
  1384. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1385. You stand before the front gates of your model castle. It is a fine piece of art and worthy of a hard morning's work. Unfortunately, it is flawed in that it lacks pillows, but you were unable to obtain these without raiding a few bedrooms that you aren't so certain Celestia would appreciate you raiding. Beyond this, it lacks subjects. You report to Twilight the need for subjects, and she agrees.
  1387. The two of you run into the hallways searching for guards and other servants.
  1389. "Avast ye knaves, we require underlings for the superior Fort Bubblewrap!"
  1391. >"All hail the glory of Fort Bubblewrap!"
  1393. Though you are largely ignored by the few guards wandering around the castle, you manage to catch the attention of one elderly stallion - a janitor. He seems tired from his work and offers to play in your fort as your squire.
  1395. How will you proceed?
  1396. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1397. "Sure why not, you can play with us."
  1399. The old pony, as it turns out, was a pretty fun guy, and you manage to kill a few more hours playing as "princesses and squire" in Fort Bubblewrap with him before you inevitably get bored and betray him. As he stands guard at the Fort's gate, you conspire with your co-princess Twilight to cast him into the moat, where he is eaten alive by alligators. He screams in terror as the nefarious reptiles - made from green pillows that you snagged from another room - sink their teeth into his soft pony flesh.
  1401. Speaking of reptiles, you realize that you may have left Spike back at home. Your heart almost seizes as you worry about whether or not he might be okay. These fears are soon alleviated, however as you see Princess Cadence walk into the room with Spike slumped across her back.
  1403. >"So… how are you girls doing?"
  1404. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1405. "Eh, not bad. You?"
  1407. >"Oh, you know. The usual. Wake up to Celestia knocking on my door telling me I'm not allowed to leave the castle or contact Shiny and the family as a matter of national security. The usual."
  1409. You almost forgot that she lived in the castle. She spends so much time around Shining and Twilight it's almost as if she's part of the family.
  1411. >"Spent most of the day just reading a trashy rom-com to pass the time until Celestia comes back. Got hungry and decided to drop in on the kitchen, and you know, I find the most interesting tidbit of information from our chef… a little green filly threw up all over his floor. Which leaves me with just one question… do you two know what the heck is going on?"
  1412. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1413. "Uhh Twi, can you…"
  1415. >"Right. Well, to make a long story short, mom's a changeling who infiltrated the family to get to you. She's been wiping memories to cover her tracks and keep you around."
  1417. Cadance's eyes widen at the revelation. After a few seconds, however, her shock turns to worry.
  1419. <"Shiny!"
  1421. >"Is fine. Okay, I'll grant that I kind of used him to keep my room protected from mom in the middle of the night after she found out I was on to her. But he has plausible deniability. In fact, I didn't even tell him that mom's a changeling"
  1423. <"And you just left him in there with a monster!?"
  1425. >"We had to jump out the window to sneak out of the house. Couldn't clue Shiny into what was going on without jeopardizing our own safety. He'll be fine. Worst thing that'll happen is she'll wipe a day out of his memory. If she turns violent, he's so good with those shield spells he could just put up a magic bubble and go to sleep in it.
  1427. Cadance starts to tear up.
  1429. <"I don't… I don't want him to get hurt…"
  1431. >>"Well Honey, you won't have to."
  1433. Everyone in the room turns their focus to the door. Shining Armor has just entered the room.
  1434. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1436. You pull Twilight to the side of the room, away from Cadance and Shining, who waste no time jumping back into their usual affections.
  1438. "Hey Twi, what are the chances that this isn't the real Shiny?"
  1440. >"Honestly, probably low. I could ask if you're concerned though"
  1442. "Please…"
  1444. Twilight turns her attention to her brother, who is now having his neck nuzzled up on by a very pleased Cadance.
  1446. >"Hey Shiny, do you remember last night, when…"
  1448. >>"My memory wasn't erased, and you're not getting out of doing the dishes just because there really was a monster in the house."
  1450. >"Oh, so you DO know what went on?"
  1452. >>"The guards broke down the front door, dragged our 'mom' out of the house kicking and screaming, and demanded Dad and I come in for questioning. I just got out of a three hour long interrogation. I am exhausted, though I think I may have also just scored a letter of rec to get into West Hoof."
  1454. >"So you're taking advantage of a bad situation?"
  1456. >>"You know it."
  1458. >"Congrats!"
  1460. Cadance gives Shiny a sudden kiss on his cheeks.
  1462. <"I knew you could do it sweetie. Although if you needed an in, I could always pull some strings."
  1464. >>"Hey. I'm gonna get those Lieutenant bars all on my own."
  1466. <"Whatever you say, Shiny… Anyways, now that we're all together again… you all wanna do anything?"
  1467. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1468. "I wanna try talking to the changeling."
  1470. Every pony in the room turns to you, showing looks of confusion and disgust.
  1472. >"Are you out of your mind? That thing tried to break into our room while we were sleeping and you just want to waltz up and talk to it?"
  1474. Twilight had a point. That thing was legitimately dangerous. Though it was no doubt subdued, you would surely be safer staying the hell away from it.
  1476. "Call it a little morbid curiosity. You could say I have more balls than brains these days, and I literally do not have any balls."
  1478. >"Are you absolutely sure about this?"
  1480. "Sure as I'll ever be."
  1482. Shining steps forward with a look of determination in his eyes.
  1484. >>"Well if you're going, I'm going too. I need some closure with her, and you sure as hell shouldn't be going alone."
  1486. "Suit yourself."
  1488. You leave the room with Shining by your side. The castle is rather large and difficult to navigate, but fortunately your escort just came back from the interrogation chamber and knows exactly where to find it. Eventually, you reach a room guarded by two heavily armored ponies, each armed with sharp hoof blades, and one with wing blades to top it off.
  1490. What do?
  1491. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1492. "Hey Shiny, you're good with guards, right? Think you could talk to them?"
  1494. >>"I suppose I could…"
  1496. Shining puts on his best unflinching, stoic warrior face and approaches the guards, looking them straight in the eye.
  1498. >>"We'd like to speak to the monster that replaced my mother. Get some closure."
  1500. The pegasus guard shrugs.
  1502. >"We can open the door so you can talk to her, but we can't let you enter the room itself. She may be magically restrained, but we can't risk a security breach."
  1504. >>"That should be fine."
  1506. They open the door, and you see what appears to be a half bruised Twilight Velvet. She has chains around all four of her hooves, each tied to an opposite corner of the far wall, which keep her from moving any further than the interrogation table that sits in the middle of the room. Around her horn is a black ring that you suppose is some sort of inhibitor. Best not to test it.
  1508. <"Have you come to rub salt in my wounds you vile little wretch?"
  1510. "Yes I have you fucking faggot!"
  1512. You emphasize the last words as strongly as you can. In response, she spits in your face. It's a rather sticky spit that you're rather sure will be difficult to wash out of your hair.
  1513. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1514. Oh it is on. You hawk up the thickest loogie from the back of your throat and spit it back at the bug monster. Once again, she spits back. The two of you go for a few more rounds before Shining puts up a shield between the two of you.
  1516. >>"Will you two cut that shit out? I came here because I legitimately wanted to talk to her. I thought you did too, but it looks like you just want to fight with her."
  1518. A wide smile graces the fake Velvet's face.
  1520. <"Oh I'm pretty sure the little filly just loves my body fluids. Did you think that was honey you were eating yesterday?"
  1521. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1522. You lick your lips and flutter your eyes at the fake Velvet in your best attempt to seduce her.
  1524. "Oh yes, and I'm sure you'd love mine as well"
  1526. Her smile cracks wider and her eyes turn a bright emerald green. It's hard not to get lost in their beauty, so much that you feel compelled to step forward towards them, but in front of you, Shining's hoof is blocking the way. You can hear him yelling at her, but the words are muffled. In amongst the shouting, you can hear her soothing voice.
  1528. <"Come closer, little filly, and I'll show you something that tastes really good. You've never been with a mature mare before, have you?"
  1529. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1530. The changeling's every words are like a drug, coursing through your veins. You aren't sure how you're managing to resist her, but you nonetheless enter a sort of meditative trance, focusing on her eyes as you plant your hooves into the ground like a tree.
  1532. "I bet you'd love that, wouldn't you? A lick… a taste… from such a cute little filly. It's too bad though."
  1534. Her voice softens even more, almost lulling you to sleep.
  1536. <"What's so bad? A naughty little filly finally getting to indulge herself in what she wants? I can see it in your eyes, the way you've been looking at almost every pony in the house with lustful eyes. I can almost smell your fantasies. Wouldn't you like your first time to be with a mare who can show you the ropes?"
  1538. Those words dug deep. While you were technically 27 back on Earth, your luck with women wasn't that great. You were almost hoping things might be different here.
  1540. "You have no idea how much I want that. But there's a problem. A big problem."
  1542. <"I don't see any problems."
  1544. "The problem, Miss Velvet, is that you…"
  1546. You feel your blood boil, and the effects of the changeling pheromones are purged from your body at once. You can finally make out Shining's words.
  1548. >>"You have to tell me. What did you do with my real mother. At least tell me this much."
  1550. <"Your ignorance is all too cute."
  1552. "ARE NOT A REAL MARE!"
  1554. The room falls quiet. Shining puts his hoof down and turns his attention to you.
  1556. >>"Are you okay? You don't look so good."
  1557. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1558. Yeah, I'm fine. Pretty sure she just tried to mind control me. Probably wanted to lay eggs in my brain or something."
  1560. Shining wipes some of the bug spit off of your face.
  1562. >>"Actually, I was referring to your face. It looks a little reddened, and you're missing some fur. I don't think that's any ordinary spit."
  1564. You put your hoof to your face. There really is some fur missing, and it kind of stings to touch. Crazy bug bitch.
  1566. >>"I think we should get out of here. She's not gonna tell me anything, and I don't think it'll be helpful for you to be getting into any more fights. Maybe you should see a nurse."
  1567. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1568. "Yeah, I think you're right. Just give me a few more seconds though."
  1570. Shining groans, but doesn't stop you as you turn to Velvet once more.
  1572. "Your kind will attempt multiple times in the next decade or so to attack Equestria, and you will fail each time. The end result will be that every last one of you, save for your queen, will be turned into a neon-colored faggot bug pony. You will sit in circles talking about your feelings, and become incapable of defending yourself against even the most basic of external threats. You will become softer than even the ponies you feed off of now. And there's nothing you can do about it, you putrid, disgusting maggot."
  1574. She aims to spit at you once more, but you slam the door behind you as fast as you can.
  1576. Shining gives you that look again.
  1578. >>"You are, without a doubt, the most unpredictable filly I have ever met. It's like your brain is some sort of wormhole to another dimension. No wonder your cutie mark is a question mark."
  1580. Wait… did he just say cutie mark?
  1581. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1582. You crane your head to see if you can look at your flank, and sure enough, Shining was right. On each of your flanks was a black question mark, suggesting you have a special talent of… honestly, you have no idea.
  1584. "Huh, so I have a cutie mark now… Does that mean I'm legal?"
  1586. >>"Legal? For what?"
  1588. "You know, screwing around."
  1590. Shining applies his hoof to his face.
  1592. >>"14, Anon. What the hell, just because you have a cutie mark doesn't mean you're not still a filly."
  1594. Well there goes that theory.
  1596. The two of you continue on throughout the castle once more, this time looking for the nurse's office. Along the way, you manage to find a mirror along one of the walls, and decide to take a look at your face. It's not too bad, but you definitely are missing some fur, and the skin beneath it looks to be beet red, suggesting a first or maybe second degree burn. That has to be some nasty spit. Did she actually put that in your sandwich, or was she just fucking with you?
  1598. Soon enough, you arrive in front of a white door with the word "Nurse" embellished on a sign. Definitely the place you're looking for. You open the door to find a very pretty blonde mare greeting you.
  1600. <"Alright, have a - Oh my! Vat happened to you?"
  1601. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1602. Before you can answer her question, you find your eyes wandering to the very fit thighs of the blonde bombshell before you, and more importantly, her cutie mark. Hello Nurse! This mare's cutie mark was a heart with… is that a swastika? Are there actual Nazis here, or is this universe just trying to fuck with you?
  1604. "Doctor doctor, give me the news, cause I've got a bad case of loving you!"
  1606. The mare blushes, but only for a little bit.
  1608. <"I must insist you let me know vat caused zis so I can prepare a proper… erm, treatment."
  1610. >>"She got into a spit fight with a changeling, Nurse Aryanne."
  1612. Aryanne. Such a pretty name. You'll have to take this mare out somewhere special when you're not being inspected. Wait, Shining just implied you got into a spit fight. Now she's going to think you're some scrappy degenerate, right?
  1614. <"A changeling? But isn't their venom neurotoxic? Tell me filly, have you experienced any hallucinations?"
  1615. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1616. "Umm… I don't know. Are you actually an angel? Cause that's what you look to me right now. Might need some proof that you aren't a hallucination."
  1618. <"An angel? Tell me filly, describe to me vat I look like."
  1620. "Well, you've got the most beautiful blonde hair, white fur…"
  1622. <"Zus far zus good"
  1624. "A cutie mark with a swastika inscribed inside of a heart…"
  1626. <"Is zat vat it is called? I always thought it was some sort of windmill… vich makes little sense because vat does a windmill have to do with being a nurse?"
  1628. And with that, any chances of her being secretly a human have gone out the window. Unless she's just very secretive. But then again, every ex-human you've met thus far has been a filly, and she's a full grown mare…
  1630. "And the flanks of an alicorn."
  1632. She nods her head upon hearing this.
  1634. <"Okay, okay, I know ze problem. You are not having hallucinations. But ze venom has produced an aphrodisiac effect. We may have to monitor you to make sure zat it does not get worse."
  1636. She places a soft hoof on your face where the burn is. It stings a little, but her well-groomed fur would be worth any pain, even choking on Zyklon-B.
  1638. <"Tell me, how does zis feel?
  1639. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1640. "I guess it stings a little…"
  1642. <"Zat is good. Changeling venom has a cocktail of effects, one of vich is an anesthetic. Another of vich is to make you more susceptible to suggestion. Could you please smack yourself in ze face with your hoof?"
  1644. "Why?"
  1646. <"Excellent. Zat has worn off too. Looks like all we have to do is treat ze burn."
  1648. She walks over to a counter and pulls out a jar from one of the drawers. It is filled with a sort of clear jelly. She applies some to her hoof and rubs it over your face.
  1650. <"Zis is just aloe. It will make ze burn heal faster and reduce ze stinging. You should need need much more, but let me know if you start experiencing more hallucinations, or if zhe stinging gets worse."
  1652. The aloe was nice and cool, and it had the softness of Nurse Aryanne's hoof to boot. Somehow, you get the feeling you may end up asking for more later.
  1653. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1654. You throw your hooves around Aryanne, who seems unsure of how to react for a while, but eventually settles on hugging you back.
  1656. "You could always give me a little more now…"
  1658. She sighs and finally releases you from the hug.
  1660. <"You know zat would not help. I could give you a small jar to take home in case you need more later if you want zo."
  1662. She walks over to the counter again and produces a lollipop from another jar, which she places in your mouth.
  1664. <"And zis is for being a good filly."
  1665. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1666. The lollipop was bittersweet. Bitter, because you knew it meant you would have to leave the cute nurse so she could attend to her other work, but sweet, both literally and because it was a gift from her. Nonetheless, you cherished every second it lasted in your mouth as you walked out of the nurse's office. Though your instincts told you that now would be a good time to head home, you found yourself quickly reminded that the "home" situation had a few issues right now. Instead, you returned to the room with Twilight, Cadance, and the fort, having nothing better to do. As you enter the room, you find them together with Celestia, sharing a few cups of tea.
  1668. >"Whoa, Anon, what happened to your face?"
  1670. "Bug mom's a crazy bitch. That's what's happened."
  1672. Cadance gives you a little glare
  1674. <"Could you tone down the language, Anon?"
  1676. "As I have been told, changeling spit contains a hallucinogen, an aphrodisiac, and anesthetic, and whatever corrosive chemical melted off a giant chunk of fur on my face. I think I'm entitled to at least one curse word."
  1678. You catch Princess Celestia eying your new flank.
  1680. <<"Seems like you have quite a few stories to tell us. How about you talk about them over some tea?"
  1681. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1682. "Sure, why not?"
  1684. You sit down at a makeshift table made of cardboard boxes leftover from creating your castle, alongside the princesses, Twilight, and Shining Armor. Why no one thought to have this in a different room is beyond you, but far be it from Celestia to not think to have a tea party spontaneously in any venue, even if it is a filly playroom full of boxes, bubble wrap, and various toys.
  1686. The tea you are served is pretty hot, so you let it cool down for a few minutes before taking a sip. As you do, you find it to have a somewhat funky, but nonetheless enjoyable flavor. It's pretty sweet too.
  1688. "Damn Celestia, this is some bomb ass tea. What'd you put in it?"
  1690. <<"Oh you like it? Really, it's just Earl Gray. I didn't sweeten it much."
  1692. "Well it tastes pretty amazing."
  1694. You hear a clink as Twilight's cup is placed upon its porcelain coaster.
  1696. >"Anon, you said earlier that the changeling spit contains an aphrodisiac, right?"
  1698. "Well yeah…"
  1700. >"Aphrodisiacs work by increasing your body's production of sex hormones. Those hormones are tied to a number of other functions in your body, including your olfactory senses. So you will probably find things smell and taste a bit different than normal."
  1702. "Huh."
  1704. The rest of the ponies in the room give Twilight blank stares.
  1706. >"What? I like to branch out in my studies."
  1708. She leans over to you and whispers quietly into your ear.
  1710. >"Masters of Science in Psychology, Magna Cum Laude."
  1711. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1712. You lean in to whisper back in Twilight's ear.
  1714. "Dropped out. Magna cum… whatever the Latin word for shame is."
  1716. She giggles a little to herself.
  1718. >"Well maybe it's a good thing you came here. You get a second chance at life instead of being… what was it you said you were, a Value Village stock boy?"
  1720. Smug cunt. She had a point though. If you didn't find a way back home, you effectively had a fresh start here, with all the wisdom you had gained from your previous life. Not that you'd want to stay… okay, maybe that cute nurse Aryanne is reason enough to consider it.
  1722. Your attention is snapped back to reality as you hear Celestia's voice. You had been staring into your cup of tea while you were having your internal monologue.
  1724. <<"Care to tell us about how you got that cutie mark and erm… the missing fur?"
  1726. "Oh, right… Went downstairs to talk to the changeling. Ended up getting into a spit fight with the nasty bugger. Had to resist her trying to come onto me because she was all, 'You should come over here, and be with a real mare!' and I was all, 'You ain't no mare!' Then I broke free of her control and told her that her species was going to turn into a bunch of cute gay neon-colored bug ponies that are less powerful than the ponies they're preying off of. Somehow I got my cutie mark after that. Don't know what it's for, but maybe I can see the future or something? That'd be pretty cool. Anon the Oracle."
  1728. Celestia laughs a little. Damn she's cute when she does that.
  1730. <<"Sounds like quite the adventure. Alright, tell me Ms. Oracle. What do you think will be the changelings' next move?"
  1731. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1732. "Their next action? Hrm… how about crashing this country, with no survivors."
  1734. Twilight almost bursts out laughing. Is she a fan of Bane jokes?
  1736. <<"And what is that supposed to mean, exactly?"
  1738. "It means they're going to show up to an event uninvited and cause a lot of havoc. I'm not so sure beyond that."
  1740. <<"Hrm… seems to me I might consider some additional security at the next Grand Galloping Gala."
  1742. Cadance slams her hooves on the table and stands up
  1744. <"Wait, seriously? I was planning on taking Shiny!"
  1746. Unflinching, Celestia takes another sip of her tea before providing her response.
  1748. <<"Actually, I was considering having you and Twilight's family move to Ponyville for a while to lay low. Seeing how you all have a giant target on your backs now."
  1750. "Uhh… princess, does that include me?"
  1752. <<"Mmhmm."
  1753. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1754. "Ponyville? What's a Ponyville? Is it full of lots of different types of ponies? What kind of house do we get to live in? Will I be rooming with Twilight or Cadance?"
  1756. You already know where the hell Ponyville is, but you figure it probably isn't best to seem like you know too much when there's a changeling threat going around.
  1758. <<"Hmm… well, Ponyville is a small town to the Southwest of Canterlot, just a short train ride away. Most of its residents are Earth ponies, but it's nonetheless a bit more diverse compared to our unicorn-dominated Canterlot. As for where you're living… it's a small house built into a large tree. I had been considering turning it into a library and gifting it to the townsponies, but given the situation, I can always just construct a library somewhere else in town."
  1760. The treebrary, just great. Except it's just a tree house for now. Maybe you'll have a bit more room for living? Oh who are you kidding. Twilight will convert it into her own personal library anyways.
  1762. Shining finally decides to break his silence.
  1764. >>"Any word yet on the search for Mom?"
  1766. Celestia sighs deeply.
  1768. <<"Not yet, though your dad's still leading the search. He's told me he's willing to spend months in the mountains if he has to. I don't know if he'll be able to follow you all to Ponyville, though if we can find your Mom, that will be a different story."
  1769. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1770. You reach an arm around Shining to give him a totally not gay bro-hug.
  1772. "Hey, it'll be fine. They'll find her soon enough."
  1774. He finally reciprocates the hug and almost crushes you.
  1776. >>"Thanks Anon. I don't want to know what it'll be like to not have a mom. At least not until I'm getting old myself."
  1778. That probably would kind of suck. Then, he'd have to be just like you. Except you also are missing your dad. You try to cry as you think about it.
  1780. "So Princess, how long do we have left to be here? I've got some friends I don't want to lose touch with, like Lyra."
  1782. <<"Lyra? Interesting… Well I don't want you all to stay any later than tomorrow, but I can give your friends your address so you can keep in touch. Keep in mind though that I'm trying to keep this information from falling into too many hands, in case we have more changelings hidden in our midst."
  1784. Fair point. Fuck, you hope none of your school friends were changelings. Some of them were rather nice. But at least you'll have a line of communication back to your ex-human compatriot.
  1786. "Sounds good enough. By the way, if I wanted to join the military when I grow older, what would it take?"
  1788. Shining blurts out the answer for you.
  1790. >>"West Hoof Academy."
  1791. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1792. "Well, I'd say I would go pack, but I literally have nothing. You guys want any help?"
  1794. Twilight stares at you blankly for a few seconds.
  1796. >"Oh, dangit, that's right. I'm going to need to pack up all of my stuff. Wait, I can't take all of my stuff, I don't have a briefcase big enough to fit all of my books, and especially not with all of my bedding!"
  1798. >>"I'm pretty sure you can just have dad mail your books to you later. Pack what you're going to need."
  1800. >"Right, right. Celestia, what am I going to need for my assignments while I'm in Ponyville? I assume we'll still have some sort of education plan going on, even though I can't receive lessons directly?"
  1802. <<"Yes you will. I want you to bring all of your assigned magic books, and I will send you assignments every week through the mail. I also want you to make at least 10 friends during your leave, including at least one pony of each tribe. The importance of this may reveal itself to you later."
  1804. And there she goes again, trying to act mysterious. Can't the princess just tell Twilight that friendship is literally weaponizable magic? And why does she need to use the post? Can't she just use Spike… oh that's right, he's still super young and can barely breathe fire on command. All of your communication with Canterlot will be through snail mail. Just great.
  1806. >"Alright, I understand. By the end of our little trip, I will be the most popular pony in Ponyville."
  1808. Everypony but Twilight laughs.
  1809. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1810. "Is that a challenge, Twilight?"
  1812. >"Huh?"
  1814. "You say you'll be the most popular pony in Ponyville. What if I make more friends than you?"
  1816. >"So doesn't that make you the one challenging me?"
  1818. "I guess I am."
  1820. She spits on her hoof and extends it forth to shake on it.
  1822. >"May the best mare win."
  1823. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1824. You spit on your own hoof and accept the hoofshake, thus sealing your bet. If only you had something to wager.
  1826. The tea party lasts a little longer, but soon enough, you run out of tea, and realize you will have to head home, both to pack, and to eventually fall asleep in. In a way, it seems sad to you, as this will be your third and potentially last night sleeping in that house.
  1828. The walk home is relatively quiet, despite the size of your group. Everypony seems to have their minds preoccupied with the massive change in their life coming about just tomorrow. Just how entrenched in the city are the changelings? Have they replaced half of Canterlot, or just certain key ponies? Was it just Velvet? What were their plans between now and their attack on a wedding that might not even take place a decade down the line. And why Ponyville of all places? Is it just because it's a dump, and nopony would think to look for a princess there? Is Twilight meant to find the elements of harmony a decade early? Would the elements even accept the rest of the mane six at this stage of their lives? Are the rest of the mane six even in Ponyville to begin with?
  1830. Before you realize it, you're back at Twilight's house. The door has been removed from its hinges, and as you enter the house, you can see that Velvet clearly gave a bit of a struggle, judging by the broken lamp, the overturned couch, and the table that is lying against the wall, plus a few broken bottles. Fucking changelings, this place looks like a crack addict's house.
  1831. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1832. "Umm… anyone not want to sleep here tonight?"
  1834. There are a few mumbles among the other ponies.
  1836. >"Yeah… this place is kind of a dump."
  1838. <"Well we could always have a slumber party in my room in the castle."
  1840. >>"I'll second that!"
  1842. <"I know what you're thinking Shiny, and the answer is no, not even when the fillies are asleep."
  1844. >>"How am I supposed to play chess with Anon when she's asleep?"
  1846. <"Are you really packing your chess set?"
  1848. >>"Yes. Yes I am."
  1850. >"Alright Shiny, I'm going to have to one up you on that 'being a massive dweeb' game by packing a massive biology textbook. I don't need it for my studies; this is for pure pleasure reading only."
  1852. Fucking nerds.
  1854. After a few more minutes of general sibling banter, you finally get around to packing. True to her words, Twilight would be packing a biology textbook, along with her magic books, and a physics book. Beyond that, she was pretty sparse. Two sleeping bags (one for you, and one for her), some pillows¸ and a basket for Spike to sleep in. Plus Spike himself, but he's more another passenger than mere luggage.
  1856. Speaking of which, you decide to check on him a little more. Honestly, the little guy sleeps like a cat. Probably didn't even notice all of the commotion that went on downstairs earlier in the day… or he didn't care, because he was chewing on a marble. It's kind of weird to think that he can eat those like they're just a normal gemstone. His teeth have barely come in, and yet they can already turn stone into a fine powder. Fucking dragons.
  1858. After finishing up helping Twilight with her packing, which involved some pretty difficult stuffing to get both sleeping bags in the luggage case, you head downstairs with Twilight to find that Night Light has returned home. He is sitting on the overturned couch drinking vodka straight out of the bottle.
  1859. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1860. You sit down next to Night Light and put an arm around him.
  1862. "You gonna be alright, man?"
  1864. He's shivering, and looks like he could break out into tears at any moment, but he manages to shake his head. To this, you throw your hooves around him into the tightest possible filly hug.
  1866. "Look, I know it's tough, but you'll find her."
  1868. He collapses into you.
  1870. >>"I've knocked on every door in the city."
  1872. "Then check outside the city. What if she's in any of the mountain caves, or in the sewers?"
  1874. >>"I hope so…"
  1876. You run off into the kitchen and fetch a tall glass of water.
  1878. "It's going to be difficult to search tomorrow if you're hung over. Have some water, and try to get some rest tonight."
  1880. He accepts the glass and takes a few slow sips, finally putting down his bottle of booze.
  1882. >>"Thank you, Anon."
  1883. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1884. You turn your focus to Twilight to sneer at her for her lack of help here. That you had to be the one to cheer up Night Light when you're not even his own flesh and blood daughter is insulting. As you look into her eyes, however, you find that something seems off. She's just sort of staring off into space. Not at anything in particular, but she clearly doesn't seem to be paying attention to anything around her.
  1886. You walk up to her and wave a hoof in front of her face.
  1888. "Hey, ground control to Major Twi. You there?"
  1890. She shakes her head and snaps back to reality.
  1892. >"Yeah, I'm… I'm here."
  1894. She looks over to Night Light. He still looks like crap, but at least he's put down the bottle. Without a word more, she runs over to him and throws her hooves around him, crying into his chest.
  1896. >"I'm sorry daddy."
  1898. He places a hoof around her and gently strokes her mane.
  1900. >>"It's alright. We'll find her. Or at least I hope so."
  1902. You throw your hooves around them both.
  1904. "Don't you worry. You'll find her soon enough. Probably in the sewers or something. Tied up in a cocoon for interrogation, and abandoned. She hasn't eaten in six and a half days."
  1906. Did those words really just fly out of you mouth like that?
  1907. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1908. Where did those words come from? You weren't thinking about them, they just came out. Maybe you really are a prophet?
  1910. >"Alright Ms. Oracle, how confident are you about that?"
  1912. "I-I-I… I don't know."
  1914. Night Light is staring at you dumbfounded.
  1916. >>"Oracle?"
  1918. >"She just got her cutie mark today. We think her special talent might be predicting the future."
  1920. "I guess we're going to the sewer?"
  1922. Night Light shakes his head.
  1924. >>"No, I'm going to the sewer. Shining is too. This is not a job for fillies. Twi, get your brother. I'm going to make some coffee, because this is going to be a long night."
  1926. Twilight runs upstairs, and a few minutes later, emerges with Shining Armor, who is now carrying a sword at his side, along with Cadance.
  1927. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1928. You approach Shining Armor and grab his scabbard.
  1930. "I bless this sword in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ. May it smite evil and all who follow in its path."
  1932. Shining raises his hooves in a confused shrug.
  1934. >>>"What?"
  1936. >"Don't ask. Just accept that you've received a great blessing."
  1938. >>>"Err… thank you, I guess?"
  1940. "Don't mention it. Best of luck in your quest."
  1942. You and Twilight give the two stallions one final hug before they head out of the house in search of the real Twilight Velvet. Finally, you are alone in the house once more with Purple and Cadance.
  1944. What do?
  1945. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1946. "Well, the stallions are gone. Who wants to have a slumber party in the castle?"
  1948. Cadance shakes her head.
  1950. <"If we leave now, Night Light will worry about where we went when he comes back."
  1952. "But it's not safe here! There's no door, and the Changelings already know where we live. We're practically defenseless."
  1954. <"And it's somehow safer out in the streets of Canterlot now that the sun's come down? Besides, I've got magic of my own."
  1956. "Rats… think we could still have a slumber party anyways?"
  1958. <"I think that would be delightful."
  1960. You've never been a girl before. Somehow, the idea of a slumber party was a lot more glamorous in your head. Though you imagined you would end up sharing sexy secrets and comparing naughty bits, the reality was much more boring. Cadance is a pretty PG foalsitter, and so while there was some secret sharing, it was more to the lines of "who do you have a crush on?" Twilight, naturally, played the asexual nerd card, though you can imagine she still thinks about her husband back home. Aside from that, you painted each other's hooves and played a few games.
  1962. The night was rather slow, but nonetheless fun. If doing some of the most stereotypically girly activities could be considered fun. After several hours, you finally hear the sound of hoofsteps entering the house.
  1964. <<"Alright, now who's the clever little filly that somehow knew where I was?"
  1965. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1966. You bolt down the stairs with all of the grace of a cat who was surprised by a cucumber. As you come to the front door, you find a very exhausted Twilight Velvet. Technically, she doesn't know you yet, since she was replaced before you even came to Equestria, but you feel all the more happy to see the real her. You throw your hooves around her in a crushing hug.
  1968. "It's me! I'm the clever filly!"
  1970. <<"Oh really now? And just how did you get so clever?"
  1972. "I'm a psychic!"
  1974. <<"Well you're an adorable little psychic. I guess Princess Celestia had us adopting you?"
  1976. Shining Armor puts his hooves around Velvet, glad to see her home.
  1978. >>"Yeah. Also we're all moving to Ponyville tomorrow. The whole family's got a hit on our heads apparently."
  1980. Velvet's eyes widen.
  1982. <<"I… I think I may need to lay down."
  1984. She moves to turn the couch over and lay down, and as this happens, you see that she has scars across her back, and she's a bit skinnier than she should be. This mare's been through some hell.
  1985. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  1986. "You don't look so well. Can I get you anything?"
  1988. <<"Food would be nice."
  1990. Oh, right. You said she hadn't eaten in six and a half days. Why did you have to be right about everything?
  1992. "Anything in specific?"
  1994. <<"Do you know how to make pancakes?"
  1996. You do, in fact, know how to make pancakes. In fact, before your crappy Value Village job, you had a crappy job as a cook in a diner. That is until the place went bankrupt. Only problem is you don't know how to cook with hooves. In fact, you barely know how to eat right in this body without looking like a total pig.
  1998. "I can absolutely make pancakes."
  2000. Fuck it, you're doing it live. You head into the kitchen and grab out the ingredients. Mixing everything together isn't too difficult with hooves and a mouth, nor is even getting the ingredients into the pan. Flipping the pancake though, that was the tricky part. You don't have the mouth dexterity to use the spatula with your mouth, so you'd need to use your hooves. Only problem is that leaves nothing to hold the pan in place. With a little quick thinking, you come up with an interesting solution which involves wrapping a hoof around the handle and using it to grab one part of the spatula, while you turn with the other half. Success! After a little while more, you decide the pancake is finished and let it slide out of the pan onto the plate.
  2002. From behind, you can hear Shining Armor giggling to himself.
  2004. >>"You have never used a frying pan in your life, have you?"
  2005. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2006. "It worked, didn't it?"
  2008. >>"Well yeah, the pancake came out fine, but your technique is horrible. You could have burned your hooves easily."
  2010. Little bitch. He can complain about your technique when he has to serve 30 senior citizens who decided to all come in for a pancake breakfast at the same time. You were a pro.
  2012. >>"Let me show you how it's done."
  2014. "…Fine."
  2016. He puts another pad of butter in the pan and adds more batter in. When the pancake is ready to be flipped, he bites onto the spatula and rotates it with his teeth, never moving his neck.
  2018. "How did you get so good moving it with your teeth? Aren't you a unicorn?"
  2020. >>"Well we're not born masters of telekinesis. Aren't you an Earth pony though? This shouldn't be hard…"
  2021. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2022. "Have you forgotten that I'm a child? I only started cooking since the boating accident, and that's because I had to."
  2024. He puts the batter for a third pancake in the pan. Probably good thinking, since Velvet's gonna need all the nutrition she can get.
  2026. >>"Well, use your teeth to flip the spatula and you won't have to hold the pan wonky. You can do that, right?"
  2028. "I guess…"
  2030. Manipulating things with your teeth is something you're just going to have to get used to. You managed to get some barely passable mouthwriting back in school by writing rather slow and dragging your head along with the pencil, but anything more complex than that just feels weird.
  2032. After the pancake stack is about 4 high, Shining pulls out a bottle of pure maple syrup.
  2034. >>"Would you like to do the honors?"
  2036. "Sure…"
  2038. You drench the pancakes in enough syrup to help Mama Velvet regain her lost pounds, and add a nice pad of butter on top just for good measure. Afterwards, the two of you bring the plate out in front of Velvet, who is currently receiving a back massage from Purple.
  2040. <<"Oh thank you both, you're a couple of lifesavers."
  2042. She wraps you both in a warm, but weak embrace.
  2043. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2044. You hug Velvet back as tightly as you can. She doesn't know you well, but in a way, you kind of know her. You know a facsimile of her personality from the changeling before you found out what she was. You know of her normally adventurous, bungee-jumps-for-fun persona from the show, and you know from just seeing her right now, that she is a mare that is just hard to break. Plus, she raised a couple of good ponies. And finally, you know that she can…
  2046. Holy shit she eats fast. You made dinner plate-sized pancakes, and she's eating half a pancake in one bite. By the time the hug is starting to become awkwardly long and you find yourself letting go, she's already eaten all but one of the pancakes, leaving the one you made at the bottom of the stack. She shovels this one in whole, slurping it up like fat spaghetti noodle, and unceremoniously belching as she collapses onto the couch.
  2048. She tabs on her belly with her hoof.
  2050. <<"Come here, you."
  2052. Like a good filly, you comply, and lay down next to her, resting your head on her belly. She responds by wrapping you up in an even tighter embrace.
  2054. <<"Did you make all those pancakes for me?"
  2056. "Well, Shining did kinda help."
  2058. >>"Kinda? I made like three of them."
  2060. <<"And which one did you make?"
  2062. "The last one you ate…"
  2064. <<"Well that one was amazing. You're a good little chef. I think I'll keep you."
  2066. She nuzzles your face. Maybe she is a keeper.
  2067. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2068. "Is that a promise?"
  2070. Velvet takes a moment to think, and then smiles.
  2072. <<"If you want it to be."
  2074. "I think I do."
  2076. You hug her again, this time tighter and around her waist. In turn, she gently strokes your mane with her hoof. It's almost intoxicating how sweet she can be. You might not have your real mother around, but Velvet is… well she's close enough. As you lay there, the tiring labor of the day takes its toll on you and you drift slowly asleep on your adopted mother's belly.
  2078. . . .
  2080. In your dreams, you find yourself in Twilight's treebrary. It's the middle of the night, and you've been sleeping out in its living room with Twilight. A voice beckons you awake and calls you outside
  2082. >"Human, come find me…"
  2084. You aren't sure where it's from, but you find yourself compelled towards the Everfree forest. A familiar path guides you through it to the Castle of the Two Sisters, this time undisturbed by chimeras, shadow bolts, and scary trees. No, this time the trip is rather quiet.
  2086. When you reach the castle, you ascend the tower quickly as you can, and you see one of the elements of harmony, bearing a bright red version of your cutie mark.
  2088. >"Human, find your friends. Find your friends before it is too late."
  2090. "Too late? Too late for what?"
  2092. A force compels you to look out the window. Instead of the forest outside, you see changelings, thousands of them. And leading the charge at the front of the line is none other than… Fizzlepop Berrytwist? Her horn is broken, she has scratches all over her body, and yet in her mouth she carries the standard of the Red Army, adorned with gold trimmings.
  2096. You quickly turn away from the window, and you see yourself in a throne room. Upon the throne that should rightfully be Celestia's instead sits Chrysalis, and at her side, the communist scum. The vision fades from view soon after, and you find yourself back in the decrepit abandoned castle. The element begins to speak once again.
  2098. >"Bring the ones who are like you here, and you can prevent this catastrophe."
  2100. . . .
  2102. You wake up, panicked and sweaty. You're in the living room of Twilight's normal Canterlot house, on the couch, next to a passed out and snoring Twilight Velvet. The door is still knocked over, and a cool breeze is blowing through into the house, though it does not seem to bother Mama Velvet, who sleeps like the dead. A clock on the wall reads about 7:00, which could probably have been guessed from the off-white Canterlot morning fog that you can already begin to recognize as fairly normal for the area.
  2104. What will you do?
  2105. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2106. Being a smart filly, your first instinct is to record everything you just saw. Dreams must be serious business if your special talent is future sight. Too bad you can't control it.
  2108. You search around the house for something to write with, but find nothing in the immediate area. The most logical place to look next is Twilight's room. Sure enough, aside from a still asleep Twilight, you can find a few spiral notebooks and pencils. You pull out a few empty sheets and start writing everything you can remember. The scene is still vivid and fresh in your mind, so after a good ten minutes of writing, you can safely say you've well-captured your premonition.
  2110. As you finish, you can hear some stirring in Twilight's bed. Looks like she's finally awake.
  2112. >"Anon? What are you doing here?"
  2114. "Had a dream. Care to read the memo?"
  2116. >"Sure…"
  2118. She levitates the paper over to her to read it.
  2120. >"Anon, your mouthwriting is terrible."
  2122. "I use my hooves. It's still legible, isn't it?"
  2124. >"I suppose? Remind me at some point to teach you to write in a pony body. It's not THAT hard, but you're basically going to have to accept that your teeth are your new fingers. Now let's see here…"
  2126. It takes about one or two minutes for her to read through the entire paper, and in that time you can see her tired face slowly shift towards annoyance.
  2128. >"So she's not dead?"
  2130. "'Fraid not."
  2132. >"This is what I get for trying to make it look like an accident. Note to self: in the future, ALWAYS double tap. Fucking soviet bitch."
  2133. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2134. "Twi, can I ask you a question?"
  2136. >"Shoot."
  2138. "Is there something going on with you? Your own biological mother finally comes home and you barely spent any time with her."
  2140. She rolls her eyes.
  2142. >"It was late, I spent what time I could with her, and then I went up to my room and crashed. I'm not that attached to her though."
  2144. "Why not?"
  2146. >"Because she's not my real mom, remember?"
  2148. "And in the couple of years you've been here, you never really developed any sort of attachment?"
  2150. >"My dad was shot when I was young, so I was really attached to my real mom, because she was the only family I had. Velvet is… she's just not the same. I respect her as a parent, I know she tries her best, but I don't really feel anything for her. Interesting that you're rather attached to her though…"
  2152. She wraps a hoof around you.
  2154. >"So you got a crush, or just have mommy issues?"
  2155. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2156. "Yeah, well not all of us were as fortunate as you. I never even got to meet my mom."
  2158. >"Did she…"
  2160. "Died in childbirth. I grew up with my dad and my brother. Not a lot of affection going around."
  2162. >"Oh wow, that's… ouch."
  2164. "Yeah. Velvet may not be a substitute for my real mother. But considering I never even got to know her, I'll take what I can get."
  2166. >"Well let me ask you something… if we find a way back to Earth, would you want to go back? I thought I'd pegged you as certain for wanting to leave this place as soon as possible, but maybe it might be a bit therapeutic for you."
  2167. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2168. "I do want to go home. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy this all while it lasts."
  2170. Twilight shrugs.
  2172. >"Okay, fair enough. I can't say I've found much worth enjoying in this place other than magic though."
  2174. "Well that's you. Me, I'll enjoy the simple things, like having a mom and friends. Speaking of, don't you think she needs you right now?"
  2176. >"I guess? Okay, yeah, if I were in her place, it would kind of suck to not have my kids by my side. How about I make everyone breakfast?"
  2178. "Might be a good start."
  2180. The two of you head downstairs to find Velvet still crashed asleep on the couch. It seems you're the only early risers today, which is nice, considering that the house is going to get rather chaotic when you have to leave. You take a seat by the sleeping Velvet and gently run your hooves through her mane as Purple takes to the kitchen. The sounds of a sizzling frying pan echo throughout the room, followed by the welcome aroma of hash browns. As always, Purple loves her greasy savory food. Although based on what you've seen in the kitchen, this meal will likely be sans bacon.
  2182. You aren't the only one to notice that food is being cooked, however. After about 10 minutes, Shining and Cadence make their way down the stairs.
  2184. >>"Who's cooking?"
  2186. "Twilight."
  2188. <"I didn't know she could cook…"
  2190. >>"She does, it's just… rare."
  2192. Finally, Velvet starts waking up. She looks around the room and then at you, and smiles.
  2194. <<"Morning."
  2195. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2196. You return a bright filly smile back at Velvet.
  2198. "Morning! Feeling any better today?"
  2200. She taps a hoof to her chin and pauses a bit to think.
  2202. <<"Well I suppose I am. Thanks for asking. Where's Night Light?"
  2204. >>"Probably still sleeping. I think he would've slept next to you had there not been a filly on the couch with you at the time."
  2206. She giggles.
  2208. <<"Yes, well, fillies are bound to do that."
  2210. By the sounds of things, you probably aren't going to get to sleep on her again for a while. No matter, you've got more important things to do.
  2212. "Hey, you know, if you want to go bug Night Light about something, or take a quick shower, I could set the table so breakfast will be ready when you get back."
  2214. A wicked grin forms on Velvet's face.
  2216. <<"So is that your way of telling me I smell like a sewer?"
  2218. "Well no, I…"
  2220. Now that you think about it, she didn't exactly smell like she'd been stewing in pony shit for close to a week.
  2222. <<"Relax. In case you were wondering, I was dangling from the ceiling. I never actually touched anything but the changeling silk cocoon. Although I suppose I am a bit sweaty and could use a shower…
  2224. She heads towards the stairs.
  2226. <<"I'll be back in about 20 minutes."
  2228. With Velvet out of the picture, you set about being the good filly. You quickly clean up the living room as best you can, putting the broken glass and lamp into a trash can, and setting up the table proper in front of the couch. You toss a tablecloth over it, and set silverware around where each plate will be. Soon enough, Twilight comes out with six plates of food filled to the brim. There are hash browns, fried eggs, fried tomatoes and mushrooms, beans… it's pretty much a vegetarian full English.
  2230. You don't want to start eating without Velvet and Night Light, but this doesn't have you waiting very long. A minute after the plates have arrived, the two walk down the stairs together and sit down for breakfast with the rest of the family.
  2231. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2232. You eat your breakfast slowly to savor every bite of the greasy, but oh so delicious meal. Purple is surprisingly a rather good cook. Well, it's not too much of a surprise if you consider the fact that she was a mother back on Earth too. It makes you wonder how Velvet might think of her if she knew the truth… it's probably best keeping that information to yourself though.
  2234. Cadance is the first to break the silence.
  2236. <"Dang Twi, where'd you learn to cook like this?"
  2238. She smiles and hums to herself as she thinks up a reply.
  2240. >"There is a lonely blue marble, rocketing through space. It flies around a yellow star, and on it's face; I learned to cook, at some time, in some place."
  2242. <"Huh?"
  2244. >>"I swear Twi, you like to say the weirdest things sometimes."
  2246. She giggles.
  2248. >"I like to mess with your heads."
  2250. Velvet places her hooves together and rests her chin on them.
  2252. <<"Sounds like a nice place. How do you get there?
  2253. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2254. "Second star to the right, and straight on 'till morning."
  2256. Purple giggles again.
  2258. >"Yeah, something like that. Or it could have all been a dream. You know, there's a Chineighse philosopher who once said something to the tune of… I once dreamt I was a butterfly, and when I was not sure if I was a mare dreaming she was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming she was a mare. I sometimes wonder if I'm in a dream right now."
  2260. You're pretty sure you're not in a dream. You're also pretty sure you weren't dreaming you were human, even if your first moments in Equestria were waking up in bed. Fucking Twilight and her weird philosophical quandaries.
  2262. <<"Twilight, I hope this isn't some subliminal hint telling me to wake up, and that I'm still in the sewers…"
  2264. >"You can rest assured, mom, that if anyone is awake right now, it is you. As for me…"
  2266. She takes a sip of black coffee.
  2268. >"Now I'm awake."
  2270. The rest of the meal seems to carry out normally despite Purple's mind games. As it ends, you thank her for the meal and wash your dishes, trying your best to make Velvet not regret saying she'd keep you. You're a good little filly, and you'll prove it. As everyone else finishes up, Night Light decides to make an announcement.
  2272. >>>"Alright everypony, listen up. First train to Ponyville leaves at 10:30, and there won't be another one until 4:30 in the afternoon. Celestia wants us out of here sooner than later, so I'm hoping you've all got everything you needed packed."
  2273. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2274. With the exception of Velvet, everypony seems to have packed their stuff. You didn't have anything of your own to claim, so you look around for something you could take with you to pass the time on the train. One of Shining's copies of Ogres and Oubliettes, along with his dice bag, seems to catch your eye pretty quickly. How did he not remember to pack this?
  2276. "Hey Shiny, I'm bringing your O&O books, since I don't have anything to carry myself. You cool with that?"
  2278. >>"You play O&O?"
  2280. "Not really. But we'll need something to do on the train, right?"
  2282. >>"Sure, I guess."
  2284. With Velvet packing as much as she can over the course of 20 minutes, you pass the time reading the rule books, and grabbing a quick bottle of water to take with you. Can't forget to stay hydrated when passing through the mountains.
  2286. <<"Alright, I'm ready, time to go!"
  2288. That was fast. You swear, Velvet must be no ordinary mare. She was rather nonplussed from being thrown into a sewer and starved for nearly a week, decided on a whim to adopt you proper after only seeing you for a few minutes, and is somehow about to pack up nearly everything in under half an hour to be moved into Equestria's equivalent of the witness protection program. Just what allows her to keep going?
  2290. She belches very loud. Maybe she's just high on life?
  2292. The trip to the train station is filled with a bit of chatter from Velvet telling the story of her capture, and being tied up in the sewer. Apparently, she was not the most pleasant hostage to be around, hence why the changelings had declined to feed her for a while, and ultimately abandoned her sometime around yesterday morning. You suppose that would be around the time you escaped.
  2294. As you reach the train station, you see Princess Celestia in some sort of disguise with six tickets for the train, and a few envelopes.
  2296. <<<"Sorry I have to put you all through this on such short notice. I'm certain you'll be able to come back to Canterlot in a few months, but right now, I'm pretty sure there's a few changelings who would love to try and replace one of you again…"
  2298. She levitates two thick manilla envelopes over to Purple and Shining respectively.
  2300. <<<"In the mean time, Shining, I've managed to get a few months of homework assignments from your teacher, and I have your assigned work as well, Twilight. I suggest you not open that one until after you're in Ponyville, you'll find out why soon enough."
  2302. Finally, she levitates a green letter sized envelope over to you.
  2304. <<<"And this… is from Miss Lyra for you. It's good to know you've made friends already, Anon."
  2305. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2306. You teasingly stick your tongue out at Twilight.
  2308. "So I thought you were going to be the popular one, but it looks like I'm the only one getting letters here."
  2310. She sighs heavily.
  2312. >"Just remember who introduced you to her."
  2314. "Yeah, yeah… she was pretty cool though."
  2316. You try to think back to your meeting with Lyra. She played a lot of music from Earth and it made you feel a little nostalgic. Then you tried to molest her, and instead of getting all pissed off, she was pretty cool with it and suggested making you a dildo to help relieve the tension. Unless she knows some magic to temporarily change the weight and physical dimensions of an object, you're pretty sure this letter does not contain a dildo, though you still kind of want one.
  2318. "Hey Celestia, is there a way to quickly send packages between Canterlot and Ponyville?"
  2320. <<<"Well the Equestrian post can make deliveries within a day or two. Is that fast enough?"
  2322. "I guess, but is there like, a magical method? You know, to be able to send things instantaneously?"
  2324. Naturally, Twilight takes the opportunity to give a magic lecture.
  2326. >"Anon, teleportation magic takes a lot of energy. Like a small power plant kind of energy. And it gets worse the more mass you want to send. You can barely send a letter with dragon fire, and we don't even have that because Spike's too young."
  2327. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2328. "Hey, hey… Twi? I'm not a unicorn. I don't know jack about magic."
  2330. >"Riiiigggghht… which is why I was explaining it to you."
  2332. "Well you don't have to be rude about it."
  2334. >"I thought I wasn't… sorry."
  2336. Damn right she better be sorry. Fucking smart ass university graduate thinks she can talk down to you. You weren't really that offended, but you felt nonetheless like you needed to put Purple in her place.
  2338. You turn your attention to Celestia. She's wearing an opaque prismatic dress with a color gradient that goes from turquoise to seafoam green, which covers her wings and cutie mark entirely. To top it off, she has a straw sun hat that covers her horn. A less than clever pony might mistake her for a relatively tall Earth pony mare. And even still, she looks damn sexy in it.
  2340. "You know, princess, that outfit of yours looks absolutely stunning. If I had any bits on me, I'd have to take you out someplace nice, maybe have a cup of tea and some conversation."
  2342. This causes her to giggle just a little.
  2344. <<<"That's a lovely invitation, but I'm afraid I'm going to be a bit busy these next few months. Maybe when you get back you can tell me about your experiences in Ponyville."
  2346. You're pretty sure this won't go anywhere sexual, but you technically weren't denied an audience with the princess. Or she could just push the date off forever and say she's busy all the damn time. Whatever works.
  2348. The train is about to leave soon, so you board it quickly along with Twilight and family, quickly finding a seat in the rather spacious passenger cars. By the looks of things, it will take a few hours to reach Ponyville.
  2350. What will you do to pass the time?
  2351. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2352. "So Twi… what other magical mumbo jumbo do you know?"
  2354. >"Oh, so NOW you want me to lecture for you?"
  2356. "It's a long train ride.
  2358. >"Right… so in other words, you want me to make you go to sleep with my boring magic talk."
  2360. Fuck, is she onto you?
  2362. "I mean, you're not entirely wrong…"
  2364. >"Yeah, no. Go read a book."
  2366. She fishes through her overly stuffed pack and finds her intro to magic book, which she promptly hoofs over to you.
  2368. >"Knock yourself out. Not like you'll be able to cast anything out of it, but hopefully you'll get an understanding of how everything works."
  2369. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2370. You open the book to the first page and realize right away that this is some pretty boring stuff. Being a college dropout, you never found reading a bunch of theory to be very fun, even if it's dumbed down to a level for fillies to understand. Well… fillies that are smarter than the average filly, but still fillies, that is. After only a few minutes, you close the book again. It's time to find something better to do.
  2372. Since you're going to be on this train for several hours, you figure you might as well explore the dang place. You walk up to Purple and whisper into her ear.
  2374. "Hey Twi, wanna explore the train? Reading's a bit boring. Maybe we could go bug the conductor or something."
  2376. She sighs and leads you towards the front of the car, bringing you to a door with a window at the top. Before you can move to open the door, she lifts you up so you can see out the window. Outside, you can see that there's a bit of a gap between passenger cars.
  2378. >"Look, we're not on one of those luxury accordion trains where you can easily just run between the cars all willy nilly. If you want to go explore around and risk falling off when the train takes a sharp turn around the mountain, be my guest. Personally, I'm staying right here."
  2379. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2380. "Wuss."
  2382. You open up the door. The loud sounds of the train running along the tracks seem to echo throughout the car, and just a foot or two away from you is another door, closed. Quickly, you jump towards it, latching onto the door handle.
  2384. "Geronimo!"
  2386. Okay, now this shit's scary. But you're no chicken. You've already jumped this far, might as well go all the way. You sidle over towards the edge of the door as you hold onto the handle and kick the side of the train to force the door open. Before it can swing too far, you jump again, landing safely in the other car.
  2388. "Where's your sense of adventure, Twi?
  2390. She simply shakes her head, and begins to head back to her seat. Before she sits down, however, Cadance catches notice of you, and runs over to the edge of the car.
  2392. <"Anon, what the heck are you doing? Get back here you crazy little filly!"
  2393. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2394. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm exploring the train!"
  2396. <"You're gonna be in big trouble if you don't get back here."
  2398. "You'll have to catch me first!"
  2400. Quickly, you shut the car door on Cadance, and proceed to slowly look around at a few rather confused ponies. No one says anything though, so you decide to carry onwards towards the next train car. You open the door, and to your surprise… Cadance is there, hovering between the cars. Oh yeah, you forgot she had wings.
  2401. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2402. "Fuck this, you can't catch me. I'm filly Jesus."
  2404. You take a few steps back to prepare yourself for a charge. Cadance may be blocking your way, but if you aim just right, you can thread the needle between her legs and glomp onto the next door.
  2406. "See ya candy flank!"
  2408. You run at full speed through the door, trying to aim low enough to miss Cadance, but high enough to still hit the door handle. Unfortunately, in trying to ensure your safety, you ended up jumping a little too high… right into Cadance's hooves. Though your sudden weight causes her to fall just a bit, she nevertheless manages to secure you.
  2410. <"Nice try, Anon. But there's no way we're letting you run around like that and almost getting yourself killed."
  2411. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2412. When you think about it in hindsight, that jump could have gone worse. You could have jumped too low, and not only missed Cadance, but also missed the next car entirely, placing you immediately under the tracks to be crushed by the train's wheels. Or you could have hit Cadance and dragged her down with you to be crushed by the train's wheels. In fact, you probably still could try to do just that by violently shaking her to see if you could disrupt her surprisingly good flight skills. Seriously, who the hell can hover perfectly between two fast moving train cars while carrying a filly? Apparently it's Princess "I was a pegasus before I became an alicorn" Cadance.
  2414. But enough of that nonsense, it's time to be passive aggressive.
  2416. "So what are you going to do, tie me up for the entire trip?"
  2418. <"Honestly I was going to just leave your punishment to Velvet and Night Light, but that's an excellent idea. Thanks, Anon!"
  2420. As Cadance flies you back to your original passenger car, you feel like kicking yourself for giving her that idea. She sits down in one of the seats, keeping you in her arms the entire time.
  2422. <"Hey Velvet, do you have anything that could be used to tie up Anon? She's going to keep trying to run around unless I do something."
  2424. <<"I might. Lemme see here for a second."
  2426. Velvet starts rummaging through her backpack for about a minute, leaving you to wonder just what the hell she packed in those 20 minutes. At long last, she brings out a strange black object with a hook at the end. She fires it at the wall, extending the hook and revealing a rather sizable length of rope that should not logically be able to fit in there.
  2428. <<"Will a grappling hook do, deary?
  2430. <"You have a GRAPPLING HOOK?"
  2432. <<"Do you not?"
  2433. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2434. "Well, at this point, you might as well just shoot me."
  2436. Velvet frowns.
  2438. <<"If you can promise to stay in the car, we won't have to tie you up. Can you promise me that?"
  2440. "I guess… can Cadance keep holding me like this? I'm actually kinda comfortable right here."
  2442. <"Oh come on, I was hoping to get all cuddled up with Shiny…"
  2444. Velvet lifts you out of Cadance's hooves and sits you right in her lap.
  2446. <<"Will this work for you?"
  2447. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2448. You make yourself as comfortable as you can, swishing your tail around to gently tickle Mama Velvet's legs. Now seems like just as perfect a time as ever to pester her with questions.
  2450. "Hey Velvet, how'd you manage to get captured by changelings if you had a grappling hook?"
  2452. <<"Well I don't carry it on me all the time, sweetie. Besides, it's really difficult to use when some nice young mare walks up to you and asks you if her handkerchief smells like chloroform."
  2454. "Oh, right… well dang those changelings and their spy tactics. Why can't they fight a conventional war?"
  2456. Purple pipes up again, apparently unable to concentrate on her book when ponies are acting silly.
  2458. >"Conventional war is for ponies who don't want to win."
  2460. "It was a rhetorical question, jeez."
  2462. >"Well, like it or not, we're dealing with an enemy that doesn't like to play by the rules. If I was in Celestia's place, I'd play dirty too."
  2464. <<"Now Twilight, I'm sure the princess knows what she's doing."
  2466. >"I'm sure she does. But wouldn't it be nice if after she beats 'em this time, we don't have to face 'em again?"
  2468. "Well hey, I did get my cutie mark predicting they'd lose for good."
  2470. >"Will that be from Celestia's actions?"
  2472. "Admittedly, not really."
  2474. >"Right, well… I'm just saying. This entire situation could be handled differently. Now whatever, I'm going back to reading."
  2476. "Well fine. Hey Velvet… how'd you and Night Light meet?"
  2478. <<"Well that's easy, we were classmates as foals!"
  2480. The next hour or so is filled with Velvet and Night Light reminiscing about their youth. Night Light was apparently a bit of a wuss as a young colt, and it took him ages to muster up the courage just to ask Velvet on a date to the local theater on Hearts and Hooves Day. There was also apparently a time when she had to beat up a couple of stallions that were picking on him for hanging out at the old ponies' home to play bingo with them. So now you know where Purple and Shiny get their geekiness from. Well, at least you know where Shiny gets it from. You're not so sure about what kind of weirdo Purple was back on Earth.
  2482. You can't remember much beyond this, as you end up falling asleep in Velvet's lap. When you wake up, you can see that outside, it's starting to get dark. But on the bright side, the train's stopped.
  2484. You're in Ponyville now.
  2485. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2486. You step off the train and take your first step into Ponyville. The town is… not as large as you'd remembered it from the show. Or at least it doesn't look that well populated from the station. On the bright side though, the entire town smells fruity. You can both see and smell the massive apple and pear orchards that partially surround the town and border the nearby Everfree Forest, which doesn't look all that intimidating from afar.
  2488. A million ideas for how to mess with ponies and make new friends bombard your head, but you immediately push them away. It's too late to bother with that nonsense, and more importantly, you need to use the little fillies' room real badly.
  2490. After a quick pit stop at the train station bathroom, you follow Twilight and family over to the tree fort, sitting in the middle of the town. To your surprise, it's actually pretty spacious, although there aren't a ton of rooms. For the six of you, there are two rooms on the upper floors, plus the basement. There's also the living room, which would be where all of the books would be stored had this place been turned into a library proper. But seeing how the upper rooms have a direct view of the living room, it doesn't seem like a good place to bunk.
  2492. This leaves one major question: which pair of ponies will be taking the basement?
  2493. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2494. It doesn't take a lot of thinking to realize that taking the basement for yourself and Twilight would be the best idea. If you took one of the upstairs rooms, the other would be taken by either Shiny and Cadance, or by Velvet and Night Light, and both of those groups are going to want to have sex. You don't want to have to hear any of that, and you're pretty sure Shiny shouldn't be knocking Cadance up early anyways. If left alone in a basement, he'd be fucking her non-stop. Meanwhile, you've spent plenty of time living in a basement, and today would be no different.
  2496. And thus, you and Purple end up moving into the basement. It's not that spacious, but then again, neither are the guest rooms. And best of all, you have total privacy. What you lack, however, is natural light. Fortunately, there's an oil lamp to keep the place livable, particularly for Purple who needs her reading time.
  2498. After a little bit of unpacking, it becomes pretty apparent to everypony that you all haven't eaten since breakfast. It's about 7 PM, and there's no food in the house, though at least the place is furnished. Since it's a bit too late to be buying groceries, everypony's general consensus is to eat out somewhere.
  2500. Do you have any suggestions?
  2501. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2502. "How about hayburgers?"
  2504. Everypony nods in agreement.
  2506. >"Yeah, hayburgers sounds rather nice."
  2508. And so, the family takes a trip down to the Ponyville equivalent of a McDonalds. Well, technically it's called "Grandpa Pie's Hayburgers and Fries", but close enough. It's probably one of the few eating establishments around here, aside from Sugar Cube Corner (which apparently only opened up in the last year or so), and a nice pasta and salad place. Really, you get the sense that this town is about half empty. But somehow, you get the feeling that this may change over the coming few years.
  2510. You sit down at a table, and Night Light goes off to get everypony's orders. Scanning the room while you wait, you can already see a few familiar faces, though you can't necessarily place a name to all of them, as you never knew too much about background ponies. You're pretty sure one of them goes by "Carrot Top", and at least one of the ponies around her is probably her mother. The rest though… you're drawing blanks.
  2512. Eventually the food makes it to your table, and you stuff your face. It doesn't have the same level of substance that you'd expect out of a burger, but at least it's greasy and filling. Purple at least doesn't seem to mind, based on her relatively poor table manners. Wiping your ketchup-stained mouth with a burger? Is she doing that just to imitate what she remembers of Twilight from the show, or was she like this at home in Virginia? You try to be a bit more polite in your table manners, only to find that, without hands, holding a burger is super awkward. You hope you'll get used to it.
  2513. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2514. As you finish up your meal, more important tasks soon come to mind. You're in Ponyville now, not Canterlot. Surely, there should be some of the Mane Six around. Well, aside from Twilight, who's sitting immediately in front of you.
  2516. You scan the restaurant once again with a more focused eye to find anypony familiar. Unfortunately, this again comes up with no one of importance. You try to think about who might be in town. Guaranteed, Applejack should be in town, you'd just need to visit her farm. Perhaps you might consider doing that tomorrow, assuming Velvet doesn't send you off to the schoolhouse first thing in the morning.
  2518. Schoolhouse… that reminds you of another pony who should be in town - Rarity. Your memories of the episode where all of the Mane Six got their cutie marks flash through your mind. Yes, she was a native Ponyvilleian too, and should be attending classes here still. Good to know.
  2520. That would leave Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy, all of whom may or may not still be on a rock farm and in Cloudsdale respectively. With your luck, they're all out of town for another few more years. Although the thought of Cloudsdale brings another memory to mind: Twilight said earlier that a filly who had escaped from the Cloudsdale orphanage was another one of the human-turned ponies walking around in Equestria. Blossomforth, you think her name was? You don't recall what she said she looked like, but you imagine she must be a pegasus, given where she came from.
  2522. These thoughts dominate the forefront of your mind as you walk home with the family. You are now inside of a tree, and it is getting late, but you're not that tired because you slept throughout the train ride. What do?
  2523. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2524. You make your way back to your basement. It's late, but you're not really tired. Well, in a way you are, but it's more like your sleep schedule's completely fucked and so you don't really feel that energized. The weird dream from last night and the changeling scare from the night before have done a little bit of a number on you.
  2526. As you climb onto the bed, you notice that you left something on the nightstand - a green letter from Lyra. You kind of forgot about that. Quickly, you open the envelope to see a green sheet of paper with some very fancy handwriting. For someone who used to be a guy, Lyra sure writes like a girl.
  2528. . . .
  2530. Dear Anon,
  2532. I hear that you and Twilight are heading to Ponyville, which unfortunately means we won't be able to see each other for a while. Knowing this, I've decided to do some thinking about my own future as well, and I don't think Canterlot is going to work out for me. Whoever this Lyra pony was before I became her, she isn't who I am now, and I don't think our "mom" is ever going to get used to who I am now. As such, I've decided I'm going to be running away.
  2534. I've saved up enough bits to afford a better musical instrument, a few days worth of food, and a train ticket to Manehatten. I've made a living off of busking before, and I think I can do so again in a city where less "classical" music can be enjoyed. On an unrelated note, I'm also going to be on the lookout for any ponies who might have been humans once. I'm pretty sure there aren't any more left in Canterlot, and I've got a good inkling that we won't make it back to Earth without finding them all.
  2536. In a few days' time, I'll send you another letter letting you know where I'll be staying so you can send mail back if you want. In the mean time, I'll be wishing you the best of luck in Ponyville. Maybe I'll pay you a visit sometime if I make enough bits.
  2538. Best,
  2539. Lyra Heartstrings
  2541. P.S. You're still gonna get that dildo.
  2543. . . .
  2545. Well that was something. What do?
  2546. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2547. You set the letter aside once more. It was good to know what Lyra was up to, though you kind of wonder how she's going to make it on her own. She may have the mind of an adult, but she still has the body of a filly. Surely, there may be some unscrupulous characters running around in Manehatten, right?
  2549. But that's a problem for another day. For now, you're still not tired. Purple must not be either, seeing as she's not yet come down to bed. Obviously, a remedy will need to be found.
  2551. You walk upstairs to find most of the family sitting around reading. Seems they must have all thought to bring at least one book. Ascending the stairs to Cadance and Shining's room (or alcove really, seeing as it doesn't have four walls, or a door), you find the two snuggled up in bed, reading some sort of book together. Clearly the perfect time to capture their attention with an adorable filly stare.
  2553. <"What's up, Anon?"
  2555. "Cadance, can you tell me a story?"
  2557. <"Hmm… possibly. Let me see if I can think of a good one."
  2559. A smile creeps up on Shiny's face.
  2561. >>"I could tell you a story. It's super scary and full of monsters."
  2562. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2563. "Alright, Shiny, you can tell the story. It better not be a re-telling of recent events though."
  2565. >>"Of course it isn't."
  2567. "Or some O&O campaign."
  2569. >>"R-right. Well, has Twilight ever told you of the time when we went spelunking in the caves under Canterlot?"
  2571. "I don't think she has…"
  2573. >>"Well this was almost two years ago. I was supposed to be watching her, but I kind of wanted to go hanging out with my friends. There was apparently an ancient treasure buried deep beneath the mountains and we were determined to find it. No LARPing either, this was legit."
  2575. This gives you a little chuckle. Sure they aren't LARPing. It's not like all of his friends aren't a bunch of O&O nerds.
  2577. >>"So like a good big brother, I decided to bring Twilight along for the adventure. I brought my sword along too, just in case things got dicey."
  2579. Really now, what kind of responsible parent gives their young colt a sword? Answer: Twilight fucking Velvet.
  2581. >>"We snuck away into the caves around evening time. Mom and Dad were planning on being gone all night, so we had a perfect excuse to just spend all night in the caves."
  2583. <"You are absolutely the the least responsible babysitter ever."
  2585. >>"Hey, don't be like that sweetie. I happen to at least be the best brother ever. AIN'T THAT RIGHT, TWI?"
  2587. >"Sure thing, BBBFF."
  2589. >>"Anyways, we ended up spending 3 hours not finding anything. I was about to give up hope, when I saw a wicked looking shadow on the walls. It had sharp fangs, and a wicked horn. I quickly turn and ran in the other direction, only to find it again just a short while later. It grew even larger and started making this creepy noise that echoed throughout the caves."
  2591. Shiny begins to whistle in a way that sounds like some archetypal flying saucer.
  2593. >>"So I ran even further, but the monster kept showing up wherever I went. It's teeth got even sharper, and soon started to show claws, though I could never see its face. I figured at this point that it was invisible or something, because I could only ever see its shadow. I almost ran myself out tired, but then, something happened."
  2595. You feel a light tingling sensation on your back all of a sudden, which causes you to jump in surprise.
  2597. >>"WHO'S THAT BEHIND YOU!"
  2599. You turn around immediately, and see Purple. In her hooves is a cape that looks like something Shiny would wear. She twists it around a bit and shines her horn underneath it, casting a monstrous shadow on the wall.
  2601. >"Oh brother, what's that behind you?"
  2603. He turns around, and jumps in shock, causing Purple and Cadance to both laugh.
  2604. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2605. You giggle at the end of Shining's story. His and Purple's antics were a bit funny. But they also served a vital purpose for you. A great yawn passes through your lips, and along with it, a wave of fatigue. Your sleep schedule really was messed up. Without much ceremony, you meander your way back downstairs and crawl into bed. Sleep takes you so quickly that you don't even notice Purple crashing out next to you an hour or so later.
  2607. . . .
  2609. You are on a train. Not as a passenger, however. Rather, as a sort of spectral observer. No matter what you do, no one can react to you. In the corner of your eyes, you spot a semi-familiar face. Is that… Pear Butter?
  2611. As you float on over, you can indeed see that it is her. Applejack's mother… damn. She's actually rather cute when you look at her up close. She's rather alone though. You sit down next to her to keep her company, even though she can't see or talk to you, or even bump into you. This doesn't stop you from trying to talk to her, however, asking about her day, her family, etc…
  2613. After a few minutes of your attempted conversation, you feel a bump in the train… then another. Next thing you know, the train is toppling over, and spinning rapidly. The oil lanterns all shatter, and Pear Butter hits her head on the ceiling as she falls. There's blood coming out. Actually, there's a lot of blood coming out. You place your hoof up to hers to check for a pulse. There isn't any. This pony is deceased.
  2615. Immediately, your surroundings change once again to see a funeral on the Apple farm. Bright Mac, Big Mac, Applejack, and a baby Applebloom are all present to grief. They soon leave, but Bright Mac stays behind for a while longer. With all of the ponies out of sight, he ties a noose around an apple tree and hangs it around his neck.
  2617. . . .
  2619. You wake up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. You can't tell what time it is, since you're living in the basement, but you'd wager it's very early in the morning. Twilight is still sleeping peacefully right next to you, with Spike in a basket at the foot of the bed.
  2621. What will you do?
  2622. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2623. You crawl out of bed, careful not to disturb Purple. She obviously went to sleep later than you, and doesn't need to hear about your nightmare for the second night in a row. Quietly, you head upstairs and into the kitchen. After all of this, you need a drink.
  2625. Unfortuantely, there's no booze in the fridge. In fact, there's no food in the fridge either. You forgot that you just moved into this place. It's furnished alright, but pretty barren. This doesn't deter you too much, however. Instead, you look start searching through a few ponies packs. They're all fast asleep, and surely nopony would mind if you took just a swig of whatever they have to drink.
  2627. A quick search of Cadance's pack reveals nothing interesting except for the fact that she is very, VERY feminine. Enjoys lots of trashy romance novels too, but apparently isn't into teenage drinking.
  2629. Next up is Velvet's pack. Underneath a pile of some clothes and important paperwork, you find her grappling hook. But beyond that is a whip, a chain, a whistle, a dildo, and a book. The book doesn't seem to have any cover, so you open it up out of curiosity. It's one of those hidden compartment books, and inside is a flask. Not being picky, you open it up and take a quick swig. It tastes pretty nasty, but then again, brandy tends to do that. You try not to drink too much, lest it show when you go to school alter.
  2631. Quickly, you put everything back where you found it and take a step outside. You decide to take a walk to try and get this whole nightmare off of your mind. The sun is rising, and there's a little bit of a breeze out. You don't really see any ponies around, so it's kind of nice and quiet.
  2633. In the distance, you hear a rooster crowing. Looking around, you see that the sound is coming from Sweet Apple Acres, so you decide to head in that direction. Something's got to settle your curiosity. Are they still alive?
  2635. After about 15 more minutes of walking, you find yourself on the farm. There's a trail leading up to the main barn, and as you approach it, you see a pony finally coming out. Sure enough, it's Pear Butter. She looks very, VERY pregnant.
  2637. <"Well howdy little filly. I don't think I've seen you around these parts. What brings you to Sweet Apple Acres this early in the morning?"
  2638. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2639. The "liquid courage" that you consumed not too long ago starts to kick in. You feel a little bit tipsy, but any reservations you had about telling Pear Butter about your premonition this morning are gone.
  2641. "My name's Anon, and I'm kind of new in town. I had a nightmare last night about a train crash. You were in it, though you weren't pregnant like you are now. The dream showed me your funeral. You had three children there, a big red stallion, an orange filly with blonde hair, and a yellow baby filly with beet red hair. I have a talent for predicting the future, though I can't control it. I felt you needed to know. Maybe I could prevent a tragedy or something."
  2643. Pear Butter stares at you blankly for a few seconds, completely dumbfounded by everything you just dropped on her.
  2645. <"Would you… like to come inside for breakfast? You seem like you've been through a lot."
  2647. You smile. Hopefully some proper food will slow down the brandy's absorption into your blood stream. You definitely shouldn't have drank this early in the morning.
  2649. "Sure. And what's your name, exactly? I'm kind of new to town."
  2651. <"You can just call me Ms. Buttercup."
  2653. Oh right, she had a nickname.
  2655. You follow her into the barn, which more properly resembles a house on the inside. Unsurprisingly, the whole Apple family is up at this hour. You remember hearing that school starts at about 9 in Ponyville, so presumably, Applejack and Big Mac will have farm chores to do before heading to class.
  2657. Applejack is the first to meet you.
  2659. >"Well howdy, what's your name? And just what brings you here anywho?"
  2661. <"This is Anon. She claims she can see the future and had some prophecies about our family. Managed to describe you and Big Mac rather perfectly. Don't suppose you've met her before?"
  2663. >"Can't say I have. Not sure if I'd go about believing any old fortune teller that shows up to our door though."
  2665. <"Well, she seemed a bit distressed about what she saw. I've invited her over for breakfast to hopefully calm her down a bit. It wouldn't be rather nice for her first memories of us to be bad ones."
  2667. >"Whatever you say…"
  2669. Applejack looks up at you and tries to give her most welcoming smile.
  2671. >"Hey, you like hoofball?"
  2672. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2673. "Never heard of it."
  2675. Applejack narrows her eyes in suspicion.
  2677. >"Where the heck did you say you're from exactly?"
  2679. "Uhh… Canterlot?"
  2681. Technically not a lie. You've spent nearly your entire pony life there. Not mentioned was the fact that this is your fifth day in Equestria altogether. Nonetheless, Applejack promptly applies her hoof to her forehead.
  2683. >"Of course you are. Those dang fancy pants nobles probably never taught you any outdoor sports, did they?"
  2685. "Not really, no."
  2687. >"Well, would you like to try playing it after school? They are sending you to school, right? Not trying any of that homeschool hogwash."
  2689. "Well we just moved here, but hopefully. I was in school when I was at Canterlot. And yeah, I suppose it does sound fun, whatever it entails."
  2691. >"Eh, it's not that hard to pick up. Really, you just kick the ball into the other team's goal post. You can only use your hooves though. Which really doesn't mean too much since you're an Earth pony like me. But if you were a unicorn or a pegasus, I'd have to kindly remind you that you're not allowed to use magic or wings or anything to go moving the ball around."
  2693. "Seems simple enough."
  2695. >"It is, and it's a lot of fun because it's so simple."
  2697. <"Fillies, breakfast is ready!"
  2699. You hear a thundering of hooves come down the stairs as you walk into the kitchen with Applejack. Just as you're about to enter the kitchen, Big Mac bolts into the kitchen. He might not be giant yet, but he's still pretty big and growing. Finally, you sit down at the table to eat, and are passed a massive apple fritter covered in butter. There's a pile of them in the center of the table, just in case you have room for seconds.
  2700. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2701. You scan the table around you to get a good idea of what ponies are around. As Bright Mac walks into the room and sits down, it seems as though the Apples have a full house. Sitting next to you is Granny Smith, and across from you are Applejack and Big Mac. Bright Mac and Buttercup in turn, sit across from one another. You're not sure why that is. Maybe Granny Smith can't stand to see them getting all affectionate next to each other. Maybe it's so they can both seem share the appearance of authority, by both sitting at the head of the table…
  2703. Or maybe both of your assumptions were wrong, because it seems throughout the entire meal, they take every opportunity to gaze into each other's eyes. Knowing how old Applejack and Big Mac must be, it seems rather sweet that their parents still seem to be in an eternal sort of honeymoon stage of their relationship this far into their marriage. No wonder Bright Mac hanged himself in your vision. Anyone who was that head over heels for a mare for that long probably couldn't stand to be without her. Maybe it's for the better that they both work on a farm… together… where they won't have to wonder how the other is doing for 8 hours a day while they're at work. Or maybe that's what's caused them not to end the honeymoon stage. Weird.
  2705. But enough philosophizing. You've been spending the past 5 minutes chewing on the same apple fritter and staring off into the table, not saying a thing. This meal needs conversation! Action! Immediately, you locate the old green mare next to you and gently boop her nose with your hoof.
  2707. This earns you a grumble from her. Thinking quick, you put on your sweetest filly voice to placate her.
  2709. "You are under-appreciated, you know that?"
  2711. She smiles. You're not sure if you've ever seen her smile, even in the show.
  2713. <<"Well, maybe ye are a psychic, little filly. Yer certainly at least perceptive."
  2714. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2715. "Well, you know, I try to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said. Not sure how much of that comes from my special talent though."
  2717. The old mare breathes a deep sigh.
  2719. <<"Yer gonna grow up well kiddo. Have you got an idea of what you want to be when you get older?"
  2721. "Not a clue, actually."
  2723. <<"Well, I suppose yer young anyways."
  2725. She takes a long sip of a cup of hot apple cider. The table is still pretty quiet. Off in the distance, you can hear what you think might be Twilight's voice, but you're not sure.
  2727. Will you stay for longer, or run off to see what's up?
  2728. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2729. You stuff another apple fritter in your mouth and listen closer. Was that Twilight?
  2731. >"Anoooooooon!"
  2733. Yes, it absolutely was. In your haste to get out and warn Buttercup, you had completely neglected to tell everypony in the house where you were going, or that you were going in the first place.
  2735. "So… I think I hear my sister calling for me. I probably should have told her I was heading out before."
  2737. Applejack smirks.
  2739. >"So you were saying you tend to say the right things at the right time?"
  2741. Oh damn her and her sarcasm.
  2743. "Hey, they were all asleep. I didn't want to wake anypony up."
  2745. >"Whatever you say, sugarcube."
  2747. "Hey, they're from Canterlot. They need their beauty sleep."
  2749. A few apples chuckle at that remark.
  2751. <"I think we'll understand if you need to leave the table early. It was nice having you over. And thank you for your umm… prophetic visions. I'll try to avoid trains in the near future. Although I can't say I had any plans to get on one anytime within the coming year."
  2753. "Well, you're welcome. And thanks for the meal."
  2755. >"Take care now. Hopefully I'll see you in class."
  2757. "Right…"
  2759. With all of your goodbyes taken care of, you head out and run back towards Ponyville. Twilight's voice gets louder as you approach. It seems like she's headed away from the farm though. Probably didn't know you were in the barn and went off to look somewhere else. You find her headed towards Sugarcube Corber.
  2761. "Twilight, I'm here!"
  2763. She turns around and runs to hug you.
  2765. >"I was looking all over for you, where were you? You just up and left."
  2766. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2767. "I took a long walk. Had a bad dream, didn't feel like waking you up to talk about it, decided to check out Ponyville for a while. Was gonna come home soon enough."
  2769. >"A bad dream? Don't suppose it's one of your prophecies again, is it?"
  2771. "Maybe? It's probably going to be hard to tell from now on whether or not a given dream is some sort of premonition or whether or not I'm just dreaming."
  2773. >"Hmm… look for a clock, if you can. Or try to read anything. Text is almost never consistent in dreams."
  2775. "Only problem is my premonitions are also dreams, so that check won't work."
  2777. >"Dammit."
  2779. The two of you continue your conversation as you head back to the library, which doesn't take too long, given the small size of Ponyville. You avoid mentioning too much about the details of the dream, since you don't want her to worry too much for now. Instead, you focus more on "where the hell to go from here." You're not sure how often you're going to be getting these visions, and indeed, how often they're going to be coming in dreams, or just right off the top of your head like when you found Velvet. You're also not sure whether or not any of these visions are connected at all. Obviously, both the Velvet vision and your dream with the Element of Harmony were related to changelings in some way, but the train… that could have been caused by anything. It could have been sabotaged by changelings, or it could have just derailed going around a sharp turn. And it's not like you can visit it back again…
  2781. As you make it home, you find that most of the other ponies in the house are just waking up. Apparently Twilight, like you, just runs out of the house without informing anyone else. Indeed, this gets you a slight look of confusion from Cadance, drinking her morning coffee, seeing you both walk in through the front door.
  2783. <"I thought you two were in the basement?"
  2785. >"Well, you know what they say. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a pony healthy, wealthy, and wise… we were just taking a walk."
  2787. "What she said. Say, where'd you get the coffee?"
  2789. <"Oh, Shiny brought it for me. I think he went out a little bit ago for a run. Said something about getting in shape for West Hoof. Apparently they make you run in full plate plus 50 pounds of gear on your back to whip you into shape, even for officers."
  2791. You shudder. Much as it sounds awesome to join Equestria's armed forces, by the looks of things, they'll be just as brutal as the army is back home.
  2793. A pony sneaks up on you from behind and lifts you up into a big hug. Looking at her hooves, it's obviously Mama Velvet.
  2795. <<"I've got plans for you today. How'd you like to get some quick breakfast and go to school?"
  2796. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2797. School… school sounds pretty good right about now. School means you can see Applejack again. Maybe a few other familiar faces. School is definitely where you need to be. And really, what the hell else are you going to do in Ponyville?
  2799. "Sounds great, when can I start?"
  2801. <<"Well… from what I've heard, classes here start around 9. It's 8 right now, and we're going to want to be there a little bit early to introduce you to your new teacher. So how about you go get washed up real quick? Try not to be too long."
  2803. "Sure thing."
  2805. You run towards the bathroom and take a quick 5 minute shower. It kind of helps that you don't have clothes to have to take off and put back on, so you clean yourself up pretty quickly. Afterwards, you grab a conveniently placed brush that you're pretty sure is Cadance's, and work out all of the knots in your mane. You realize this is probably the first time you've bothered with any sort of grooming in Equestria, so you could kind of use it. Afterwards, you run quickly outside with Velvet.
  2807. True to her word, she did get you a quick breakfast at Sugarcube Corner, which you promptly eat on the way to the schoolhouse. It was technically your second breakfast, but you don't mention this to her. You can always skip lunch if you still feel too full. Or not. You're not too concerned about getting fat.
  2809. When you make it to school, you find a few students trickling in, all of whom are young, and only half of whom have their cutie mark. They're all playing in the playground outside until classes start, though by the looks of things, you'll not have that luxury. There's plenty of familiar faces too. Rarity and Cheerilee stick out like a sore thumb. You'll definitely have to make friends with them. And then you realize that Cheerilee is definitely not the teacher. You silently panic, wondering who the hell is going to be on the other side of that door.
  2811. You enter the schoolhouse to find… a relatively decent looking teacher. You're not sure what to think of her. She's definitely professional, wearing a tie and all that. She introduces herself as Mrs. Sharpener. You don't want to know why that's her name, but apparently she has pencils for a cutie mark. At least she's pretty kind. And efficient too. She manages to get all of your enrollment paperwork done with in 20 minutes flat, finishing right around the time students start walking into the classroom.
  2813. <<"Alright sweetie, have fun."
  2815. Velvet leaves, and you are now surrounded by students. Class is about to start. What do?
  2816. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2817. You sit down in the nearest open seat you can find, apparently right next to Cheerilee. Perfect. Unfortunately, you end up having to stand up again about 5 seconds later when Mrs. Sharpener calls you to the front of the class to introduce you to everyone.
  2819. <"Alright class, this is Anon. She's a new student who's come here from Canterlot. Anon, how about you tell us a little bit about yourself?"
  2821. "Oh, umm… yeah, name's Anon. I live in a giant tree I guess. Just moved here from Canterlot and uhh…"
  2823. You're not sure what would be the best information to reveal about yourself here. Surely there would be questions about your question mark cutie mark, but given Applejack's reaction to saying you were a psychic, you felt it might be best to keep that information more private for now.
  2825. "Say, teacher, do you have a pencil and eraser?"
  2827. <"Well I suppose I do. Did you not bring…"
  2829. "Because I want to erase your past and write our future."
  2831. The class bursts into laughter.
  2833. <"Har har, very funny. Are you supposed to be some sort of comedian?"
  2835. "Yes. I'm also a poet at times. Tell me teacher, what doth life?"
  2837. <"What?"
  2839. "Frittata."
  2841. <"Just get to your seat."
  2843. You sit down, feeling perfectly okay with the events that just transpired. You take a look to Cheerilee, who seems to still be giggling just a bit. She smiles at you when you look at her, so you smile back. Good to know she's easy to please.
  2845. The class begins with math, because as everyone knows, math should be done first thing in the morning when you're not thinking straight. Fortunately, you're good enough at elementary level math to be able to tune out half of the lecture and help a few ponies out when you get split up into groups. This is probably for the best, since you get paired up with Applejack to solve a few problems, and fractions are not her strong suit.
  2847. After math, a science lesson follows. It's mostly Neightonian physics, watered down for foals to understand. It's difficult, but you manage to resist the urge to question why the planet doesn't get slingshotted off into space every time Celestia moves the sun around. Some things are better left unasked, lest some ponies burn you at the stake for heresy.
  2849. After science, the class takes a break for lunch. You didn't bring any, having been so quick to get out the door, but you still nonetheless had plenty of time to socialize. The only question was who to socialize with.
  2850. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2851. Since it is lunch time, and you have no lunch (not that you would need it, as you had two breakfasts), you decide to spend the time socializing. Today, it seems there's only one pony you care to hang around with - Cheerilee. To your surprise, she doesn't seem to have her cutie mark just yet, though given how well she seemed to do in assisting a certain Bulk Biceps during math class, you get the feeling that discovering her special talent is going to come just around the corner. At least considering that she hasn't gone through her ridiculous hair phase.
  2853. You approach her at a lunch table, sitting around with a couple of other fillies, one of which is Rarity. Not that she needs too much attention for now.
  2855. "Hey… Cheerilee was it?"
  2857. <<"Oh, hey. Yeah, that's me. Although I don't recall telling you my name yet."
  2859. "Mrs. Sharpener called on you a couple of times in class. You're actually pretty smart, you know."
  2861. She fidgets her hooves about.
  2863. <<"Well I try to pay attention in classes. It's worth giving the teacher at least that much respect."
  2865. "Well yeah, but there's a difference between listening and understanding. I'd say you're probably top of the class here. And it's kind of making me wonder… how it is that a filly so smart can be so cute too?"
  2867. As those words leave your lips, the three other fillies at the table all put their hooves over their mouths making a loud "Oooooooo" together. You wouldn't think it possible for a pony with Cheerilee's fur color to show a blush so easily, but she almost instantly proves you wrong. Rarity, being the natural drama queen she is, decides to jump on this.
  2869. >"Somepony's got a cruuuuuuuuush."
  2871. "Hey, hey. I'm not saying I like her or don't like her. I'm just saying…"
  2873. You place a hoof around her and look the rest of the fillies in the eyes, a charming grin across your face.
  2875. "…that this filly is so cute she could make an alicorn cry tears of joy."
  2877. Everypony around starts giggling again, even Cheerilee.
  2879. <<"Okay okay, I think you've made your point. So seeing as you're the new filly here, what kinds of things do you like to do? What brought you to Ponyville?"
  2880. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2881. "Oh, you know, I like to read, play games, sometimes tell jokes. What about you girls?"
  2883. <<"Well I actually like acting, to be honest. It's kind of nice to be up on stage in front of people."
  2885. Well jeez, one can only wonder why.
  2887. >"Personally, I do a lot of sewing, and occasionally drawing too."
  2889. "You'd fit right in in Canterlot"
  2891. >"Do you really think so?"
  2893. "Yep. It's full of artists. Though if you're not the type for more 'traditional' styles, I've got a friend who thinks she can try her hoof in Manehatten instead."
  2895. >"Oooh! Manehatten is just divine. I'm sure she'll love it there."
  2897. Perhaps it's better if you leave out the part where she's still a filly, and not accompanied by her mom.
  2899. You spend the rest of your break bonding with your new friends, trying to keep the conversation on their interests to avoid letting anyone know too much about yourself. Rarity pressures you a little about why you would want to come to Ponyville from Canterlot, so you make up an easy to believe lie - your mom got a cushy government job here, and the rent's cheaper. In retrospect, that might not be a lie. You were relocated by the government, so presumably Celstia's paying a living stipend, and the rent of zero bits per month is pretty damn cheap. But surely the details about changelings in Canterlot can be kept secret. After all, it's probably a state secret. Probably.
  2901. The bell rings soon enough, and you're back in class again, this time studying history. This lecture focuses on the founding of Ponyville, or rather, its first few decades after starting out as a very small farming town. You're pretty sure it's still a rather small farming town, it's just that it now has a bakery and a schoolhouse.
  2903. The relatively boring lecture ends soon enough, leaving you free to figure out what to do. On one hand, you promised Applejack you'd play hoofball with her. On the other, you'd really like to spend some more time with Cheerilee. Beyond that, there were some other ponies you wanted to meet at some point or another, although you could probably put that off for now.
  2904. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2905. Walking out on a promise to Applejack would be pretty low. You're not sure if she's still going to be the Element of Honesty, given the amount of changes you've allowed to happen in this world, but she's still a pretty honest pony, and doesn't deserve to be stood up. That said, you still want to hang out with Cheerilee. Fortunately, you realize there's a pretty simple solution to this whole endeavor.
  2907. "Hey Cheers, Rares, you want to play hoofball with me and Applejack?
  2909. They shrug.
  2911. >"Sure, why not?"
  2913. <<"I wouldn't mind. If you haven't played with Applejack before though, you should be warned. She's pretty dang good."
  2915. Then you'll just have to be better. You're not sure how athletic your filly body is, but you know that you're an Earth pony, and Earth ponies are supposed to be naturally strong. Maybe you're stronger than you think?
  2917. You catch up with Applejack pretty quickly as you head over to Sweet Apple Acres. She was originally planning on having you do a 2 on 2 with her and Big Macintosh facing you and her friend Carrot Top. But since you brought 2 friends with you, it would be a 3 on 3. She notes that with those numbers, it might actually be possible for each of the teams to have a designated goalie.
  2919. At that point, you knew that this was basically just soccer. When you reach the farm, Applejack heads into the barn and drags out two goal posts and a soccer ball. Yep, you knew exactly what to do. You huddle up with your two new team mates as Applejack and Big Mac set up the field.
  2921. <<"Alright, so who's our defense, and who's going for the goal shots?"
  2922. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2923. You look to each of your partners in crime to assess who would be a better goal kicker, and who would be a better goalie. Cheerilee, like you, is an Earth pony, and she seems rather fit too. Rarity, on the other hoof, is frail, and looks a bit more nimble.
  2925. "Rares, I want you to play defense. Somehow I get the sense that you're going to be the best of us at the job."
  2927. She smiles.
  2929. >"I'm always the goalie… and I'm always the best. Good choice."
  2931. You give her a quick hoof bump and set out towards center field, silently thanking God for your good intuition. The game starts out soon after. To your surprise, Big Mac is the goalie for Applejack's team.
  2933. The game doesn't start out very easy. Applejack is perhaps one of the biggest ball hogs you've ever seen, and it takes a couple of minutes just to keep it out of her hooves. Fortunately, of the three shots she tries taking at your goal, Rarity manages to deflect them all. Eventually, one of them manages to make their way back to Carrot Top, who is a much weaker player by comparison. Cheerilee quickly steals the ball and takes a few tries at the goal, all of which are easily stopped by Big Mac's relatively large frame. He might not be as large as his dad yet, but he's still the biggest wall on the field.
  2935. On Cheerilee's second shot, before it makes contact with Big Mac, you see it flying off in a completely different direction. You run towards where you think it's supposed to be and, to your surprise, Big Mac kicks it towards you. It's in your hooves now, and you start dribbling it towards the goal again. You see Applejack coming from the side to attack it, but the ball is still in your hooves. So you pass it to Cheerilee, and Applejack comes right towards where the ball was to try and steal it. She was too late.
  2937. At this point, you're starting to see a pattern. Your future sight abilities are working about 5 seconds into the future in this game. You're not sure if this is being done subconsciously or what, but you trust in your special talent and make a few more passes back and forth with Cheerilee to confuse the other team. When you anticipate Big Mac to be distracted, you shoot the ball towards him. True to your expectations, he becomes too busy staring at Cheerilee's flank to notice the ball, and you score.
  2941. Too bad there aren't any crowds. And so the game goes on without any fanfare. Your psychic abilities come in handy more and more, both on scoring and on playing defense, but Applejack is able to catch up soon enough with a few trick plays of her own, finally managing to score 1 point after 3 of your own goals. Unfortunately for her, this was pretty late into the game, and so you still end up winning 3-1, completely exhausted.
  2943. You collapse on the ground, and Applejack offers you a hoof.
  2945. >"Great job, Anon. You sure gave me a run for my money."
  2946. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2947. You reach out and accept Applejack's hoof.
  2949. "You know, you're not too shabby yourself. I think if I was running a hoofball team, I'd want you as my forward… or whatever you guys call your offense."
  2951. >"Yep, that'd be the word they use in professional hoofball teams. Back here we just call it offense and defense though. Makes it simple. Say, want to come inside and have a glass of cider?"
  2953. "I suppose I could."
  2955. You and the other fillies head into the barn and sure enough, Applejack serves everyone a tall glass of apple cider. Unfortunately, there's no alcohol in it; it's just regular old unfiltered cloudy apple juice. Best damn drink you've ever tasted though. Sweet, tart, and ice cold. A perfect follow up to getting covered in sweat from all of that hoofwork.
  2957. As you sit back and sip your drink, you reflect upon the game you just won. Your future sight abilities went off somewhere to the tune of fifty times over the course of an hour or so. This is the most you've ever made use of them, and you still don't know how they work. You just know that they work, and that to a certain extent, they can be changed. Later into the game, Applejack had started making some rather strange moves that tripped you up entirely. You would predict she would move one way, and indeed she would for a few seconds, but she would then change course drastically as soon as she saw you reacting to her plans. In other words, when you act upon your vision of the future, it no longer becomes certain.
  2959. In a way, you find it kind of comforting though. If the future was truly deterministic, could you be said to have free will at all? And if you saw even worse things than your dream about the train, or your dream about the invasion, you're not sure what you would do if it was truly set in stone. To know ponies would die and that you would have nothing you could do about it was a truly horrifying prospect.
  2961. Of course, it also made you wonder how it was you were truly seeing into the future if nothing could truly be pre-determined. Was this just the path that would happen if you did nothing? Or were you seeing some completely random future, and your actions have nothing to do with whether or not that's actually what happens. This could all just be some completely whacked up drug trip. But then again, being a filly could just be one whacked up drug trip. You try not to think about that too much.
  2963. >"Hey, Anon."
  2965. "Yeah?"
  2967. >"When you're done staring at the ceiling, Maybe you could introduce me to your family? I know you've seen mine."
  2968. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  2969. "What? Oh, sorry, I guess I was spacing out a little. Sure, you could come see my family."
  2971. You turn towards Cheerilee and Rarity.
  2973. "You girls want to come?"
  2975. >"Oh I'd love to, but maybe another time. I'm a bit sweaty, and I'd rather look, well, presentable."
  2977. You and Applejack giggle at her comment. Only Rarity would make such a big deal out of a little sweat. Meanwhile, you showed up to meet Applejack's mom buzzed. Not that she knew it at the time… or at least you hope she didn't.
  2979. Cheerilee sighs.
  2981. <"Yeah, I can't come either. I've got a sick sister to take care of. I probably shouldn't be staying away from home for too much longer."
  2983. "You have a sister?"
  2985. <"Yeah, I have a twin. Her name's Cherry Blossom. Looks pretty much like me, but she's got her cutie mark already. Me… well look at me, I'm the only one here without one."
  2987. You place a hoof around her
  2989. "Don't worry about it, Cheers. It'll come soon enough, and you know what? It'll make you look twice as cute."
  2991. Your two friends soon part ways, leaving just you and Applejack together, walking towards Golden Oaks. When she finally approaches it, she laughs hard.
  2993. >"You live inside of a tree?"
  2995. "Even better, I live in the basement of a tree."
  2997. >"That's just rich. Only a Canterlot pony…"
  2999. You shrug and step inside the house, to be greeted by Velvet.
  3001. <<"Oh hey Anon, welcome home. Who's the friend?"
  3003. "Her name's Applejack. We played some hoofball together and dang is she good. I still ended up winning though."
  3005. >"A pleasure to meet you Ms…"
  3007. <<"Velvet. Twilight Velvet. You can just call me V if you like. It was a nickname back in high school."
  3009. >"V… sounds like a nice name. So, you ponies got anything to do in here?"
  3010. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3011. Your mind drifts towards the games you had back at the house in Canterlot. Almost none of them were here, with the exception of the O&O books you brought back with you, and somehow you doubted Applejack would be into that sort of thing.
  3013. "We kinda just moved in. I think we might have some books around here, but…"
  3015. A rather clever idea sparks to your mind.
  3017. "You know, my house IS a giant tree. We could try climbing it."
  3019. Applejack smiles.
  3021. >"Yeah, that does sound kind of fun. How about we make it a race? First one to reach the top wins, and no going into the house through the windows to cheat."
  3023. "You're on."
  3025. <<"Now girls, just make sure you don't fall. I'd hate to have to explain to Miss Applejack's mother that she broke her hip falling out of a tree."
  3027. >"We'll be safe, don't worry, V."
  3029. <<"Alright. Let me know if you need help getting down."
  3031. Mama Velvet heads back inside and you turn to your rival.
  3033. "You ready?"
  3035. >"On the count of three. One… two… three!"
  3037. As soon as the word hits your ears, you immediately start climbing. Admittedly, Golden Oaks is very much unlike a normal tree in how it's been transformed into a house. Every window and every door has an overhang that you can climb onto, making it much easier to reach the higher branches. As soon as you get halfway up, however, there are some decisions to make. Which branches and which paths to take. One way looks like it will take longer, but the path up the tree is fairly straightforward. The other looks like it will take a couple of jumps, potentially crossing thinner branches that you're not sure if you can trust, and there's a bee's nest nearby it.
  3039. Which way will you go?
  3040. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3041. Taking the shortcut could save you a decent amount of time, but it could also mean falling out of the tree, getting stung by bees, or both. None of those option sound fun. Your gut is telling you to take the safe way, but somehow, you find yourself being drawn closer and closer towards the shortcut. You try to use your future sight, hopefully to see if this is a dumb idea, but it doesn't seem to come to you. Maybe you're too stressed out, or maybe those gut feelings you were getting were your future sight. Either way, you've been climbing your way through the shortcut this entire time. So has Applejack, it seems.
  3043. The two of you make it past some of the thinner branches just fine, but find yourselves jumping to the next level up to avoid going onto any of the less stable part of the tree. Unfortunately in doing so, you end up kicking the bee hive off the branch. It falls to the ground, and both you and Applejack freeze as you make your way on top of a veranda near the highest window in the house. It's still not at the top of the tree, but somehow you don't think you can focus on your race anymore as the hive busts open, and a swarm of angry bees emerges.
  3045. What do?
  3046. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3047. You down at the ground and watch as the bees rapidly ascend the tree. This was not your idea of how the race should turn out.
  3049. "NO, NO, NOT THE BEES!"
  3051. Quickly, you open up a window and jump into the house, landing right on Velvet's bed, just inches away from her. Applejack follows soon after, being smart enough to realize that victory isn't worth bees.
  3053. >"Quick, somepony shut the window!"
  3055. Unfortunately, the window is a bit higher up than you'd like. Fortunately, Mama Velvet has magic, and she quickly slams it shut just before the bees can enter the house, leaving the angry swarm just outside the window to fester. If you could see their faces, you'd imagine they'd be pretty pissed.
  3057. <<"Well so much for your race. How about I fix you girls up some hot cocoa?"
  3059. "Sounds good, Mama."
  3061. Velvet heads downstairs to the kitchen, leaving you alone on her bed with Applejack.
  3063. >"Now what?"
  3064. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3065. You try to think of something to do. It seems like half the ponies who are normally here have gone off somewhere. No Cadance or Shining Armor, no Night Light… you don't see Twilight either, but there's a chance she's probably just in the room. Or she could be out making more friends. That would be rather disappointing if she got ahead of you on the first day, but you're pretty sure a +3 lead is nothing to snuff at, especially when two of the ponies you've befriended today are ponies that were supposed to be her friends in the show. It's almost as if you're just better at being a filly than her.
  3067. This gives you an idea. You quickly grab a pillow and throw it onto the floor next to you, and jump onto it.
  3069. "The floor is lava!"
  3071. A mischievous smile pops up on Applejack's face. She grabs a blanket from underneath her and throws it forward towards the edge of the stairs, and then slowly rides it down to the level of Shining and Cadance's room.
  3073. Oh that does it.
  3075. You reach over to the bed and just manage to grab the other pillow and use it to slowly make your way over to her, repeating a process of tossing a new platform, jumping to it, and picking up your old one. This eventually manages to bring you down the stairs, but it seems you've tossed your platform a bit too far this time, making it impossible to pick up your old one.
  3077. Applejack has already gone down the second flight of stairs, but you are down one pillow. What will you do?
  3078. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3079. There is no way Applejack is going to beat you at a silly filly game with no real objective, only a method of losing. You look around for a way to get down to her, and the railing along the stairs easily catches your eyes. It's not technically part of the floor.
  3081. Quickly, you inch your way over to it with your pillow and climb on, grabbing your pillow off the ground as you make it on top. This is, admittedly, very dangerous. A fall from the relatively thin railing could surely hurt, perhaps breaking a few bones. Surfing down it sounds like just about the dumbest thing you've considered since arriving in Equestria, and you've called a knife-wielding unicorn's bluff.
  3083. So it's only fitting that as you slide down the railing, with a pillow under your ass, you shout "YOLO" as loud as you can. It doesn't even occur to you've been launched into the air, however, that the railing has an end. Oh right. You promptly crash into the ground and slide into the wall, creating a loud thud. It hurts a little, but you'll manage. Your flank, it seems, is still on the pillow, meaning that the game is still on.
  3085. Velvet immediately rushes into the room from the kitchen.
  3087. <<"Are you alright?"
  3088. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3089. "Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. You worry too much, Mama. My head's harder than it looks."
  3091. Velvet shakes her head.
  3093. <<"Earth fillies, I swear. I'm going to have to get used to you being practically indestructible, aren't I?"
  3095. "Yep."
  3097. >"Pretty much."
  3099. <<"Well alright. Just be careful, alright? Now if you wait just a sec, I think the cocoa's almost done."
  3101. She heads back into the kitchen, and Applejack scoots her blanket over to you by the wall, resting her back against it. For about a minute, the two of you just sit there in contemplation of the day gone by. It's been a bit exhausting. Soon enough, Velvet comes back with your cocoa, which you both end up sip together.
  3103. >"Ayep."
  3105. "Yep."
  3107. A few more minutes pass without much to say. The cocoa's pretty damn good though. You can even taste a hint of cayenne in it, so you know it's done the right way. After a few more long sips of the delicious cocoa, the silence is finally broken by Twilight bursting out of the basement door, a baby Spike in her hooves, and a piece of parchment in her magical grasp.
  3109. >"BEHOLD, SCIENCE!"
  3111. She holds the parchment up in front of Spike, who proceeds to cough up a very weak ember that nonetheless manages to disintegrate it. A few moments later, he coughs up another piece of parchment. You can't see what all it has on it, except for the big letter "A" in red ink.
  3112. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3113. You clap your hooves at the sight of Twilight's latest accomplishment. Having a lifeline back to Celestia could be very helpful, considering your circumstances.
  3115. "Not bad Twi. Think you could get him to burn my homework too?"
  3117. She shakes her head.
  3119. >"He's still a baby. Breathing fire like that takes a lot out of him. I probably shouldn't make him do this more than once every day or so."
  3121. Applejack still looks a bit shocked as she stares on at Spike.
  3123. >"You have a… dragon… in your house?"
  3125. "Yeah, that's Spike. He's a baby dragon. Sleeps a lot, eats marbles from time to time, but overall a cute little guy."
  3127. >"Well I suppose he doesn't look too harmful."
  3129. Twilight sits down next to you, on the clearly-still-lava floor. Apparently unicorns are immune to lava or something. Either that or she's fucking hacking.
  3131. >"So what are you two up to? I heard a loud thump a couple of minutes ago."
  3133. "Oh you know, chilling. The floor is lava, by the way."
  3135. >"And I have a lava walking spell. Well, actually I haven't tested it yet. I probably should, but I'd need a guinea pig. Speaking of which, I also need to test my cloud walking spell. Would you mind being a test dummy for that sometime? You won't be in any danger of falling or anything. We can get a pegasus to bring a cloud low to the ground."
  3136. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3137. You pose a hoof to your chin, contemplating Twilight's proposition. You're not sure how dangerous being a magical guinea pig is, but she probably wouldn't be offering it to you if she wasn't at least reasonably sure you wouldn't be harmed. This brings things down to just one question: how awesome will it be?
  3139. "Twi, if you're going to have me cloud walking, I have to ask… can I ride around on the cloud like Goku?
  3141. >"Umm… maybe? I don't know all the rules about how your body is supposed to interact with it. Maybe you could ride it around like some sort of hoverboard, kind of like in Back to the Future?"
  3143. Applejack is starting to look a little confused.
  3145. >"Goku? Back to the Future?"
  3147. "A comic book character, and another unrelated comic."
  3149. Technically not lies on both accounts. But only technically. Not that you're sure if it matters. You're not even sure if Applejack even counts as the Element of Honesty at this point, or if she'll ever be an Element of Harmony at all given how much you've allowed the universe's plot to change by now. Or maybe there's an infinite number of universes, making there be an infinite number of Equestrias, only one of which contains the show, and one of which being… wherever the hell you are now.
  3151. >"Comic book, huh? You got any favorites?"
  3152. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3153. "A favorite comic? Pssh. There's too many good ones to have a favorite. Power Ponies is probably up among my top favorites though. You got a favorite?"
  3155. >"Uh, well… I haven't really read that many."
  3157. Of course you don't read that much, Applejack.
  3159. "Well, if there's a comic book shop in Ponyville, maybe we could introduce you to some later?"
  3161. >"Might be nice, I suppose."
  3163. Applejack takes another long sip of her cocoa, eventually finishing it off. This is followed by another awkward but comforting silence that lasts a few minutes. She stares into her empty mug and sighs.
  3165. >"I'm gonna have to head home soon. Granny gets mad if I don't get my chores finished before nightfall."
  3167. You smile and give her a warm hug.
  3169. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then?"
  3171. >"Sure. And hey, it was nice meeting you and your family today."
  3173. Twilight extends a hoof forward to shake Applejack's hoof.
  3175. >"Nice meeting you too, Applejack."
  3177. Applejack accepts the hoofshake.
  3179. >"Aw, thank you. Twi was it? And… wait a second. I don't recall telling you my name."
  3180. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3182. "Huh? Oh I've been trying to teach Twilight how to work with my psychic powers. I guess it's working?"
  3184. Twilight rolls her eyes.
  3186. >"Much as I'd love to… actually you just told me her name this morning."
  3188. "Oh, right. Forgot about that."
  3190. Applejack gives a weird puzzled look between the two of you and then shrugs.
  3192. >"Whatever you two say. See you around."
  3194. "See ya!"
  3196. You and Twilight both waive goodbye as Applejack leaves. For a few moments, everything is quiet once again until you hear Applejack's voice once more, screaming as she runs away from the tree.
  3200. You both have a giggle and lay back on the blanket that Applejack brought downstairs.
  3202. >"So… how did your day go? Making friends I see?"
  3204. "Yep! Had a big hoofball game with Rarity, Cheerilee, Applejack, Big Mac, and Carrot Top."
  3206. >"Well that's a bit of a hoof up on our game. Admittedly, Celestia kind of crippled my ability to make friends faster. That note she gave me that she told me not to open until I got here? It was an assignment with a 48 hour timeline starting from the moment the envelope was torn open. I spent all day trying to get spike to breathe fire so I could enchant him. In the end, I kind of had to fudge it by feeding him some really spicy curry. Apparently that works enough to get a sputter."
  3208. "Is that… healthy for a dragon his age?"
  3210. >"Kind of? He can basically eat anything. Although I should probably make it up to him later with a treat he'll actually like."
  3212. "Probably. Maybe a gemstone?"
  3214. >"I suppose…"
  3216. More awkward silence passes and you finish up your own cup of cocoa. A look outside reveals it's starting to get closer to evening, so many of the shops are going to be getting close to closing.
  3218. >"So… got any plans for the rest of the day?"
  3219. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3220. "Not really. Not unless you count furiously masturbating and wallowing in self-pity."
  3222. Twilight slowly raises an eyebrow, and a look of almost motherly concern appears on her face.
  3224. >"Anon, are you… okay? Did something happen today that you want to talk about?"
  3226. You let out an annoyed grunt. This kind of bullshit isn't something you want to deal with today.
  3228. "Nothing happened today. Same as every other day. Every pony around is either too young to know about sex or too old to want to risk having it with me. I am surrounded by a very 'loving' race and starved for affection. Now unless you know of a brothel in town that will look the other way for a filly, I think I'm going to flick this bean until it loses all sensitivity for the night."
  3230. Twilight sighs and hangs her head low to the ground dejectedly.
  3232. >"Alright. I think I understand. I'll let you have the basement for the evening until I have to sleep. Let me know if you need anything that isn't… you know."
  3234. She walks off and curls up on the couch with her magic book. Maybe you could have been a little bit nicer to her, but honestly… you need this.
  3236. You head down into the basement and try once more at pleasuring yourself. Though you don't have Cadance and Shining to listen to in secret, you do have some nice peace and quiet to enjoy. You also have a very nice, warm bed that hopefully Twilight won't mind getting a little messed up.
  3238. As you reach your hoof down to meet with your clit, you try to think of something nice to set the mood. It's been a while since you've had to use your imagination thanks to the mountains of clop material you had back at home, but you finally manage to settle on a rather nice fantasy - Cheerilee. She had the absolute sexiest butt back when you were playing hoofball. Very toned, and almost a little bit athletic despite all the time she's probably spending reading and doing homework. That kind of sets you back a bit when you realize she's still a filly. Fortunately, you remember what she's supposed to look like as an adult. Visions of a sexy adult Cheerilee flood your mind, and you imagine her pinning you to the ground on the hoofball field, taking your little filly virginity.
  3240. You work yourself into a sweat on this fantasy alone, and you realize you should probably change the sheets at some point. Though you have to stop about halfway through to get dinner when you hear a knock on the door, you quickly return after you finish eating, to go for round 2. A few hours later, you are physically exhausted and, as you had implied to Twilight earlier, have lost most of the sensitivity in your clit. When she finally walks into the room, you have collapsed onto the floor, and your eyes and muscles are twitching. She merely shakes her head and takes the sheets out of the room, noting that you should probably take a shower before bed, because you made the entire room smell like pheromones.
  3242. You do just that, and stumble upstairs to take the coldest shower you've ever had. Normally you prefer warm water, but when your body is burning up from exhaustion, a little freezing rain on your fur is actually refreshing. When you're done, you barely manage to make it back to the basement before collapsing onto the bed, which had fresh new sheets put into place while you were gone. The last thing you feel before drifting off into a dead sleep is Twilight's hooves wrapped around you.
  3243. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3244. On this night, you sleep like the dead, with no dreams or prophecies to haunt you. When you wake up, you find Twilight isn't there, but instead, had already headed upstairs to get breakfast. In fact, you actually kind of overslept, so you don't exactly have time to sneak away to Applejack's for a second breakfast. Somehow, you think you'll manage. Today, you feel surprisingly at peace with yourself. You can sense everything around you all at once, from the fruity scent and sweet taste of your toast with butter and strawberry jam to the sounds of every clip-clop of five sets of hooves around you on the tree house's hard wooden floor. And in a way, from this simple pause in your ordinarily chaotic life, you feel as if everything is right in the world.
  3246. The rest of the day, and indeed the next few days pass by rather quickly, but enjoyably. You attend classes every day, and spend the afternoon hanging out with either Cheerilee, Rarity, Applejack, or a combination of the three of them. You also get to meet the rest of your classmates - mostly a handful of background ponies you don't tend to remember much from the show. Well, except for Bon Bon. You definitely remembered her. But otherwise, you couldn't find anyone else from the Mane Six, who unfortunately had yet to move into town. You can only hope this will change soon. You're hoping on having a lot of fun with Pinkie Pie whenever she decides to roll into town. It would certainly make the place a little more interesting, though Twilight's daily purchases of a book or two at least leave you with something to do in the evening other than burning all of your energy in a masturbatory frenzy. Though you're curious about where she's pulling the money from, you welcome the distraction.
  3248. Eventually, the weekend comes upon you. If you counted the days when you ratted out a changeling, and when you moved to Ponyville, this would technically be your second weekend in Equestria, and you are looking forward to finally being able to spend it relaxing and enjoying the company of friends without worrying about some existential threat to upend your life.
  3250. So naturally you weren't expecting at all to see a completely new filly in the room when you wake up. Standing at the foot of your bed, right next to Twilight, is a very happy-looking pegasus filly, with white fur, freckles, and a mane of two colors that ought not to go together - fuchsia and neon green. But the most striking thing about her is her accent when she opens her mouth to talk.
  3252. >"Hi I'm Hannah, and I'm from Manitoba! You must be Anon. It's a pleasure to meet you."
  3254. She reaches her hooves out to shake yours.
  3255. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3256. You push yourself out of bed and accept the new filly's hoof. Obviously, this must be Blossomforth, or whoever it was Twilight said her pony name was. You're pretty damn sure there's no Manitoba, Equestria, so she has to be human.
  3258. "Nice to meet you too. And yeah, I'm Anon. Twilight said you went by Blossom…"
  3260. >"That's what they call me in the orphanage. I don't want to go back there again or go by that name if I can avoid it."
  3262. Twilight nudges her.
  3264. >"I take it you haven't been following my advice about sticking to your pony name while in Ponyville?"
  3266. >"Hey, it sounds enough like a pony name when I go by Hannah Banana, right?"
  3268. Hannah's accent is starting to bug you. There's something a little off about it.
  3270. "You're not really from Canada, are you? You don't sound like it… at all."
  3272. She shrugs.
  3274. >"My family moved a lot. When I was 10 we moved to Manitoba, but before that I was in Minnesota, and before that, Wisconsin."
  3276. "Figures as much. And now you're in Ponyville and it hasn't affected your accent in the slightest?"
  3278. >"Well I've been hanging out a lot with Ms. Cake, so it's kind of easy to stick to my own accent."
  3280. "Ms. Cake? Now just who is Pinkie Pie going to stay with when she comes into town if you've already taken the role of baker's assistant?"
  3282. Hannah rubs her hooves together like a greedy merchant.
  3284. >"I'm going to kidnap her to become my own personal cuddle slave."
  3286. "Found the brony!"
  3288. A big frown appears on her face.
  3290. >"Oh come on! I'll have you know, that I'm actually a pegasister."
  3292. She flutters her wings as she emphasizes that last word. Immediately, you apply your hoof to your face as it dawns upon you that this is surely going to be a very long day. Goddamn 12 year olds.
  3293. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3294. Twilight clears her throat to bring both you and your new friend to attention.
  3296. >"Do you two know why I brought you together?"
  3298. You pause for a moment to try to think of a good answer.
  3300. "Is it because of that one prophecy I had about bringing all of the humans together?"
  3302. >"Close, but no. Do you remember earlier this week when I said I wanted a guinea pig? Well today's the day I'm going to try to test my cloud walking spell."
  3304. Oh, right. You were planning on trying to do some cloud surfing when she did that. Try and be Goku or whatever.
  3306. "Sounds good, when do we start?"
  3308. >"After breakfast. Then we can get Bloss… err, Hannah to bring us some clouds. I want to set up a good field test so we can try not only standing on the clouds, but also walking and running, as well as making sure everything works at higher elevations. Tell me, Anon, are you scared of heights?"
  3310. "Well I did kind of try climbing up the tree house a couple of days ago."
  3312. >"Yeah, but what's the highest you'd be comfortable with? I want to try to bring you up to the normal cloud layer. The end goal's going to be to make it so we can walk around in Cloudsdale. Would you be alright with that? Hannah should be able to catch you if you fall."
  3313. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3314. "Twi, I want you to walk on a cloud staircase that leads me so high that I get to be the first filly in space. Please tell me there haven't been any fillies out in space."
  3316. >"Well I suppose Nightmare Moon doesn't technically count as a filly.
  3318. "I want to meet Nightmare Moon early."
  3320. >"I don't think we have enough clouds for that. Also, I don't have any spells to solve the lack of oxygen or air pressure. But maybe if we got all of the pegasi in Ponyville to gather all of the clouds from here to Canterlot, we might be able to build a ladder to the lower stratosphere."
  3322. "Fine, just let me go high."
  3324. >"I'll take that as a yes then."
  3326. Hannah finally decides to stop being a wallflower and nudges Twilight.
  3328. >"Twi, you said I was going to be able to meet Cadance today if I went along with this, right?"
  3330. >"And you will get to. Probably around breakfast. Fair warning, there's a good chance she's hung over."
  3332. >"Well can we have breakfast now?"
  3334. >"As soon as Anon gets out of bed…"
  3336. You take a hint and quickly crawl out of bed. When you make it upstairs, you find that Velvet has set the table with pancakes covered in apple and pear jam. Though you wouldn't think the two would go together very well, you soon find out how wrong you are.
  3338. Despite her insistence on going by her human name when talking with you, Hannah ends up defaulting to "Blossom" when she introduces herself to your family. You're pretty sure she used that same name with Ms. Cake, and despite her protests, actually followed Twilight's advice. Just for that, you may have to give her a silly nickname, like Blossomfort.
  3340. Cadance is the last pony to get up to the breakfast table, with you and Blossom having already eaten half of your pancakes. This is ultimately unfortunate for her, however, as the end result is a hyped up pegasus filly on a sugar rush pestering her drunk ass with a million questions. Serves her right for all that teen drinking.
  3341. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3342. You're quick to excuse yourself from the table. While Blossom may still be interested in pestering the adorable pink princess sitting across from her at the table, you recognize a bad hangover when you see it. Cadance's face is literally buried in her pancakes, with some of the apple-pear jam starting to get into her hair. At this point, you're almost starting to feel sorry for her. Almost. Still not enough to drag your new friend away from her chance to meet a REAL pretty pink pony princess.
  3344. Twilight, however, has a bit more sympathy, and proceeds to drag Blossom away from the table as soon as she finishes up the last bite of her pancakes. She at least permits her to ask more questions as soon as the day's work is up.
  3346. The three of you head outside, and Blossom quickly sets about grabbing as many clouds for you as possible. Within half an hour, she manages to disassemble a large rain cloud and converts it into a series of platforms leading up to a single giant cloud. Once the preparations are in place, Twilight begins casting.
  3348. To your displeasure, she first casts the spell on herself, and takes a step onto the cloud. Once she sees that it's safe, she casts the spell a second time, and you feel as though you're a little bit lighter. She motions for you to join her, and so you step up and place your hooves onto the cloud.
  3350. You're not sure what would be the best way to describe the sensation. In a way, standing on a cloud is kind of like standing barefoot in sand. Or perhaps it's like snow, but not nearly as cold. It's certainly solid enough that you don't think you're going to sink through it, but you can nonetheless feel the soft wisps of cloud matter pooling over your hooves. Definitely a feeling you'd like to try some more. Unfortunately, it's not so solid that you'd be able to fly it around so easily like a skateboard. Perhaps you will have to find some other way to imitate Goku while in Equestria.
  3352. Twilight flashes you a wide grin.
  3354. >"Hey, race you to the top!"
  3355. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3356. "Hmm… alright, but loser has to make dinner!"
  3358. >"Deal."
  3360. On a count of three, you each take off. Twilight, as it seems, is a little out of shape. She's been spending way too much time studying and doing magic assignments for Princess Celestia to really get much muscle to her legs. Meanwhile, you've been playing lots of hoofball in the evenings, and this disparity in physical strength becomes blatantly obvious when you find yourself halfway up the cloud stairs, while Twilight is only a third of the way up.
  3362. As a way of being sporting, you slow down a little bit, and take the time to joyfully skip up the clouds. This puts you at about Twilight's pace, but it's at least pretty fun. In a way, it makes you understand why Pinkie Pie does things the way she does. You also start to wonder when you'll get a chance to meet her. Surely, she'll show up in Ponyville sooner or later.
  3364. When you have about a fifth of the way left up the clouds, Twilight finds her second wind and starts galloping at top speed, closing in on you. For a brief moment, you see a vision of her reaching the top before you, so you immediately turn about face and bolt as fast as your legs will carry you. You end up winning by just about a neck length. Though you're not sure where the hell Twilight got all of that energy from, you're pretty sure she just pulled the same crap she did in the Running of the Leaves episode, hiding her power level until the end of the race. Either that or she cheated and casted a haste spell while you weren't looking. Either way, doesn't matter, she's making dinner tonight.
  3366. The two of you make your way onto a very large cloud that looks to be the size of a house. Blossom is napping off in the corner. You probably have about half an hour before you will either need to leave, or Twilight will need to re-cast the spell.
  3368. What do?
  3369. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3370. For the first time in over a week, you voices in your head. One of them is rather new. It tells you to rearrange all of the furniture in the house. The other, a familiar voice, suggests to you to take advantage of Twilight, who is now exhausted and alone.
  3372. You're pretty sure these voices aren't part of your psychic powers. No, you're just crazy. Unfortunately for the voices, what you aren't is stupid. The house is way to far away to mess with, and Twilight is the only reason you're not dropping to your death right now. If ever there were a time to take advantage of her, it would be in the bedroom, not on top of a cloud. Silly voice.
  3374. But an idea does strike you from all of the lunacy. You sneak over to Blossom and waive a hoof in front of her face to check if she's asleep. To your delight, she's pretty tired and doesn't respond.
  3376. You promptly give her hair a "rainblow dry" using the surrounding cloud matter, prompting uncontrollable giggles from Twilight. This manages to wake up a very confused Blossom.
  3378. >"Is there something wrong with my face?"
  3379. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3380. "Oh, nothing's wrong. Your face looks exactly like it's supposed to. In fact, do you think you could make a silly looking face? You're too cute right now."
  3382. Blossom takes a moment to think, and turns around for just a second. When she turns back around, you could swear you are face to face with a zombie with a bad hair day. It really doesn't help that she's just the shade of off-white to look like she's had all of the blood drained from her body. Were it not for her freckles it might almost be enough to scare you.
  3384. >"Thiiiiisss enouuuuugh?"
  3386. Twilight giggles.
  3388. >"Oh wow, we need you around for a Nightmare Night."
  3390. Blossom shakes her face about, returning both her expression and her hairstyle to normal.
  3392. >"I also do birthday parties and cute-ceañeras."
  3394. There's an awkward pause for half a minute before Twilight decides to speak up.
  3396. >"We never did celebrate you getting your cutie mark last week, did we?"
  3397. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3398. "Shit, you're right. It's too bad Pinkie Pie isn't here. The party could also double as a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party or something."
  3400. Blossom snorts out a light chuckle.
  3402. >"Maybe if you throw a big enough one, you could summon her from whatever crappy rock village she's from."
  3404. You stare at her and start using your serious deadpan voice.
  3406. "We will need to throw the biggest party ever. There will be cake, ice cream, and a lifesize filly sculpture made out of cotton candy."
  3408. To her credit, Blossom seems just as serious as you, and stomps her hooves into the ground to show her dedication to the task.
  3410. >"The Pinkie Pie summoning ritual will require balloons, streamers, party games, and a clown. We will also require a minimum of 10 fillies  who cannot be from the house. Who will you invite? Have you made enough friends in town or will we need to pool our resources?"
  3411. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3412. "I've made a few friends, but I'm probably going to need more. Not counting you, Twilight, and Lyra - who isn't going to be in Ponyville anytime soon - I've got… Applejack, Rarity, Cheerilee, Carrot Top, Big Mac, and Cherry Blossom."
  3414. Blossom nods as she listens to you list off your friends.
  3416. >"Alright, that's a good start. Assuming we can get them all to come… I could probably bring in Flitter and Cloudchaser. So that means we only need two more. Twilight?"
  3418. Twilight awkwardly shuffles her hooves against the clouds.
  3420. >"Umm… I suppose I could bring in Noteworthy."
  3422. "Wait, let me get this straight, I've made six friends, and you've only made one?"
  3424. She shoots you a discontented glare.
  3426. >"Never underestimate the power of the public school system to bring ponies together, and the power of private tutoring to isolate them. Besides, I haven't been in a rush to befriend the entire town."
  3428. "I thought we had a bet going."
  3430. >"We still do. But remember that we didn't set a time for when we'd start tallying up our number of friends. It may as well be whenever Canterlot stops being full of changeling infiltrators. I've got plenty of time to snatch up all
  3431. of your friends and make more of my own."
  3433. "Oh that is just wicked…"
  3435. Blossom clears her throat to interrupt your not-sibling rivalry.
  3437. >"Hey, speaking of time, we should probably plan this party for sooner rather than later. You said it was a week ago that you got your cutie mark, right?"
  3439. "Yeah…"
  3441. >"Well, we should probably have it in the next three days or so. Do you think one of you two could make another friend to invite in that time?"
  3443. "I suppose… also wait, didn't you say it had to be fillies in specific? Wouldn't Big Mac not count then?"
  3445. She places a hoof on your shoulder.
  3447. >"Silly Anon, everyone's a filly on the inside!"
  3448. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3449. Making a few new friends in a day or two would be easy for you. There's still a few fillies in Cheerilee and Rarity's circle of friends you need to get to know better. But when you think about it, you've done more than enough. You're already bringing in half of the guests here, plus it's your party. Blossom seems to have volunteered for some of the planning, and she's also bringing in some rock-solid choices. Flitter and Cloudchaser? You've seen those twins before, and you know they're pretty damn cute.
  3451. This just leaves Twilight. For someone who apparently had a degree in one of the social sciences back on Earth, she really isn't getting into this social thing enough in Equestria. It makes you wonder whether she's naturally asocial, or if there's something about living here in Equestria that's keeping her from forming too many close relationships. Either way, it's about time she pulled her weight on this matter.
  3453. You put on your best Celestia impersonation and approach her.
  3455. "My faithful student, it's time you stop reading those dusty old books and make some friends."
  3457. She shrugs.
  3459. >"Sure thing. While I'm at it, you got any preferences for your party? Fillies? Colts? Pegasi? Unicorns? More Earth ponies?"
  3460. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3461. "What do I look like, some kind of racist?"
  3463. >"Didn't you say when we first met that you were a national socialist?"
  3465. "Hey, hey. I said I had a national socialist stuck in my head. I never said I was all Heil Hitlers and gas the Jews. And even if I was, context is ponies, not humans."
  3467. >"Whatever you say, Anon. So no preferences?"
  3469. "Eh… another colt might be nice. Don't want Big Mac to be the only guy here and for the party to be a… what would be the female equivalent of a sausagefest? An Arby's luncheon?"
  3471. >"Ew. Did not need that image in my head. And technically, Noteworthy's a colt too. But I'll make a note to get a greater male presence in your party. I won't judge you for being into guys while you're a filly."
  3473. "It's not for me. I want to try and pair up some of my friends. Well, except Cheerilee of course. She's too pure."
  3475. >"You just want her all for yourself, don't you?"
  3477. "You're goddamn right I do."
  3479. >"Well good fucking luck with that. Try not to corrupt her. In the mean time though, we should probably get down from here if you want me to go out collecting friends. We've got less than half an hour before this spell ends, and if I'm not around to recast it for you, you're gonna look like the breakfast menu of a Dr. Seuss inspired diner."
  3481. "Alright, alright, fine…"
  3483. You head back down the cloud staircase with Twilight, which Blossom picks up to toss back onto the larger cloud as you leave. When you finally reach the bottom, Twilight heads off towards the town square. You are now alone with Blossom. What do?
  3484. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3485. You watch as Blossom cleans up the last of the clouds. Though you're not sure what her real family was like, you can imagine they might be a bit proud of her for how responsible she can be. She picks up after herself without needing to be told to, and if you interpreted her correctly, she's making a living for herself already. A quick glance at her well-toned flanks makes you wonder how mature she is in other areas.
  3487. You whistle for her as soon as she's finished with her task.
  3489. "Hey Blossom, you want some fuck?"
  3491. She looks at you confused and shouts back at you, flying closer to hear you better.
  3493. >"Do I want some what?"
  3495. "Do you want to fuck? Twilight's gone and I've got the basement to myself. You do know what fucking is, right?"
  3497. Blossom's eyes light up and she begins to sport a mischievous smile. She walks around you in a circle, gently stroking your fur with her wings.
  3499. >"You know Twilight warned me about you."
  3501. "Oh really? What'd she say?"
  3503. Without warning, Blossom sweeps a hoof under your hind legs to trip you, and you fall on your back. Quickly, she climbs on top of you and straddles you. Somehow you feel no reason to resist. You might be outside, but there's not really anyone around looking in your direction.
  3505. >"She said you might try and get me in a compromising position like this!"
  3507. She grabs both of your hooves and pins them against the ground.
  3509. >"And that you'll try to get me to do some real gay shit like this!"
  3511. She presses her nose against yours and moves in to almost kiss you, but just before you can try to accept it, she pulls away and gets up off of you.
  3513. >"Actually, she didn't say anything, I'm just fucking with you. C'mon man, you don't even have a dick. What do you think you're gonna do with a cute little filly like me?"
  3514. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3515. Just who the hell does this filly think she is, letting you on like that? If she doesn't think you're man enough for her, you'll show her just how much of a man you can be, penis or not. Before she can get another word in, you walk up to her and lift her up with your Earth pony strength. Walking on two hooves is pretty awkward, but you manage to carry her over your shoulders about as far as the treehouse door before she pulls forward and slams into your face with her flank, causing you to fall back on your ass once again.
  3517. >"Is that the best you can do?"
  3519. Quickly, you get back onto your hooves and lunge forward to try and grab her. You only manage to barely graze her, however, as she flies just a few inches out of reach of you. She sticks out her tongue and pulls her lower eyelid down with a hoof to mock you.
  3521. >"Missed me missed me, now you gotta kiss me!"
  3523. Fuck this bitch, two can play at that game. You grab hold of the overhang above the treehouse door and climb up onto it, allowing you to get at eye level with her. You put yourself into a catlike position to pounce upon her. She doesn't immediately move, still mocking you, so you use the time to tap into your future sight and see which direction she'll dodge. You fake a jump in one direction, but instead jump to the left, colliding perfectly with where Blossom would be a second later. You wrap your arms around her head as you both fall to the ground. It hurts just a bit, but not too much, since it was still only a few feet.
  3525. Looking beneath you, you see your prize - a pinned Blossomforth. Before she can slip away, you press down with all of your weight to keep her there. You look into her eyes and flash a warm, inviting smile before gently kissing her lips.
  3527. "I win."
  3529. She spits off to the side several times.
  3531. >"Eww, gross. My first kiss is with a horse!"
  3532. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3533. You kiss Blossom once more just spite her… and then another time for good measure. This time she doesn't spit it out, but she definitely looks defeated. It's almost hard to look at her like that, so you do what feels most natural to you and you pull her into a hug, and roll over so that she's on top of you. She doesn't move, so you hold her closer so you can whisper into her ear.
  3535. "Look, I don't want to hurt you or anything. I'm just… really fucking lonely. It probably doesn't help that you led me on like that. You could've just said no."
  3537. Blossom takes a few moments to give you a response, dejection still in her eyes as she stares off into space.
  3539. >"I- I'm sorry. I like to play a lot of pranks on people and I guess this one went a little too far. For what it's worth, I'm sure you were a wonderful and caring man back on Earth, and I think most ponies would be lucky to have you. You should probably do it with someone better than me though. I'm very young… and stupid. And I hurt people's feelings because I'm too carefree and I don't always know how to read people, so I can't tell when I'm going too far."
  3541. You suppress a short laugh.
  3543. "I guess we both acted like a couple of idiots."
  3545. >"Yeah, I guess we are."
  3547. She finally climbs off of you, and you get back on your hooves once more to stand next to her.
  3549. >"So… wanna do something that doesn't involve… that?"
  3550. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3551. "Yeah, sure. You want to head down to the park? Maybe we could play frisbee with some of the fillies and colts there? I know there's always a few."
  3553. >"Anything to get my head off of this… nonsense."
  3555. There's an intractable silence as the two of you walk to the park for several long minutes. You want to apologize more. You want to tell Blossom that she didn't need to apologize to you, because she's still very young and doesn't really know better. You want to say a lot of things, but none of them end up coming out. Instead, you both just brood for a while on what was said and done.
  3557. When you finally reach the park, there's a few foals playing as you expected. As luck has it, you've managed to find Blossomforth's friends Flitter and Cloudchaser, along with Thunderlane, playing with a hacky sack over by a water fountain. Cloudchaser waves the two of you over.
  3559. <"Hey Hannah Banana, come over here, girl! And who's the new friend?"
  3561. You almost forgot that she went by her human name with her friends. The two of you walk over to them, with Blossom still seeming a little displeased, although you suspect that your actions from earlier may not be the only thing getting to her. This hunch is proven correct as soon as Thunderlane opens his mouth.
  3563. >>"Hey Hannah, you sure you don't want to go on a date with me? You know I'm the most charming colt in Ponyville, right?"
  3565. >"Buck off, Thunderlane."
  3566. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3567. You burst into laughter at Thunderlane's stupidity.
  3569. "Oh wow, Thunderlane, seems Hannah's too much for your banana. Maybe another colt would be more your speed."
  3571. To your surprise, Cloudchaser rushes to his defense, wrapping in her hooves.
  3573. <"Hey, he may be a completely uncharismatic dweeb, but he's MY uncharismatic dweeb."
  3575. "Well jeez, put him on a tighter leash then. Hannah doesn't need to be dealing with colts trying to hit on her when she's just trying to have fun."
  3577. Hearing this, Blossom taps you on the shoulder and looks you in the eye, seemingly expecting you to say something.
  3579. "What?"
  3581. >"Oh, nothing. Say, anyone want to play some hacky sack?"
  3583. Without further commotion, the lot of you end up kicking around a hacky sack for a few hours, chatting away on topics that mostly have nothing to do with ponies dating Blossom. As it turns out, Thunderlane has a weird sort of three way relationship with both Flitter and Cloudchaser, and has gotten it into his head that this must mean he's some sort of mega playboy. In reality, it's just that the two of them are sisters and believe in sharing their toys. As Flitter puts it, he's cute, but he couldn't charm a sexually frustrated zebra if his life depended on it. You make a mental note that he must be seriously whipped if he lets his girlfriends talk smack about him in front of his face. Either that, or he doesn't care because he's getting twice the pussy. Of course, it's more likely that he's not getting any, given that he doesn't seem to have his cutie mark yet.
  3585. When you notice this, you make a casual mention of your cute-ceañara coming up. Both Flitter and Cloudchaser agree to come, but only on the condition that they be allowed to bring Thunderlane along. You and Blossom both reluctantly agree. If nothing else, you've secured the foal requirement in case Twilight comes back empty hooved.
  3587. Soon enough, evening comes and your new friends have to head home. Blossom doesn't seem to need to leave just quite yet though, so you both decide to head back to the treehouse, where you find Twilight collapsed on a couch, reading a book.
  3589. >"Oh hey, you're back. Met a colt named Caramel. Apparently has a crush on one of your friends. I think her name was Carrot Top? He should be able to show up to your party if she does."
  3590. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3591. You take a seat next to Twilight, and Blossom follows after you.
  3593. "Sounds like we both did something productive today. Assuming I don't have any of my other friends bail on me, I've got an 11th party guest. His name's Thunderlane and he is the world's worst flirt."
  3595. >"Then why did you invite him?"
  3597. "Because he's tagging along with Flitter and Cloudchaser as their date."
  3599. >"Lovely. So with Caramel paired with Carrot Top, Thunderlane with Flitter and Cloudchaser, and Big Mac and Noteworthy with… some of your other friends I guess, it sounds like there's going to be a lot of sexual tension at your party. Should we make spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven among the festivities?"
  3601. Blossom tenses up and shivers.
  3603. >"Please don't."
  3605. "Yeah, we wouldn't want Blossom to have to kiss Thunderlane, and I don't want anyone else kissing Cheerilee."
  3607. Twilight shrugs.
  3609. >"Truth or dare then? You can't dare anyone to do anything with yourself, so no one gets to steal free smooches for themselves, but you can absolutely fuck with everyone else."
  3611. "Wow, you must have been the most liberal mother ever back on Earth."
  3613. >"I was the most awesome mother, thank you very much. Besides, my daughter knew that if any boy messed with her too much, I kept a .44 magnum in my purse for just such an occasion."
  3615. "Duly noted if I ever have the pleasure of meeting you back on Earth."
  3617. >"Anyways, I've been trying to think up some good party games. It's easy to think of things that kids would enjoy, but I kind of recognize that neither you nor I are actually fillies at heart, so I've been trying to think up something more age neutral. You got any better ideas?"
  3618. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3619. "Well, we could play Twister, or have a dance off… or even just play some card games. I dunno, what do you think, Blossom?"
  3621. >"All of those sound a heck of a lot better than Twi's idea right now."
  3623. Twilight raises an eyebrow.
  3625. >"Okay, is there something going on right now that I'm missing?"
  3627. Why does she have to be smart? You try to think up a good answer to give her that doesn't give away too much information, but Blossom manages to beat you to the punch.
  3629. >"Nah, you're just an old fart. So's Anon, but less so."
  3631. Twilight sighs, defeated.
  3633. >"Maybe I've lost touch. You two would probably be better off doing the planning. I think I'll go make dinner. I did promise to make that tonight, right?"
  3635. She walks off into the kitchen, leaving you alone once again with Blossom.
  3637. >"Can we both just agree that today never happened?"
  3638. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3639. "Which part, the time when I kissed you?"
  3641. Blossom stares at you with the same look she gave you earlier when you were with her friends. You think you might understand what she meant.
  3643. "I mean yeah, we could pretend it didn't happen. After all, you're a pony not a human, so it's not like it's technically your first kiss since you were never kissed as Hannah, just as Blossom."
  3645. >"Could you not?"
  3647. "I mean I'd certainly like my first kiss to be with somebody important…"
  3649. Before you can finish your sentence, she smacks you across the forehead with her hoof. As you look into her eyes, you can see the frustrated young teenager you've been failing to understand.
  3651. "…when I finally get it."
  3653. She narrows her eyes.
  3655. >"What do you mean?"
  3657. "Umm…"
  3659. This isn't exactly the kind of conversation you were hoping to have when you arrived in Equestria. Back on Earth, you were a bit of a loser. 27 years old, a college dropout working at Value Village, and worst of all, a kissless virgin. You were hoping to abandon that previous identity now that you have a somewhat new life, but it seems your talents on this world extend only to changing the future, not the past.
  3661. >"How old are you?"
  3663. "Uh, 27."
  3665. >"And you never…?"
  3667. "You would be the first."
  3669. >"Were you like, mega ugly? Like fat, hairy, and bald or something?"
  3671. "None of the above. I just… don't know how to talk to girls."
  3673. Blossom bursts into laughter for a solid minute, pointing at you with a hoof and trying desperately not to run out of air. It's as if she just saw a George Carlin act for the first time.
  3675. >"Oh my god, are you serious?"
  3677. "It's not fucking funny."
  3679. You feel like you could cry. Your body, however, does not let you. You never could cry on command, or even in situations that normally would call for it. In fact, you could probably count on the number of hooves you have right now the number of times you've actually shed tears. One of those was when your dog died, and the other was when your father yelled at you and spanked you a bunch of times for breaking a window. So you don't cry. But you do make the motions like you're about to, and Blossom notices.
  3681. >"Oh jeez, I didn't mean to… look, come here, you big goof."
  3683. Before you can do or say anything more, she pulls you into a hug and presses your head against her chest fluff. You know there's no tits there, since she's not a human, but it still manages to make you feel very comfortable, like all of your troubles could melt away in an instant.
  3685. >"Look, I told you I say stupid things sometimes. You… I guess we're in the same boat there. So like I said earlier, how about we forget all the bullshit that happened today and say we're even, yeah?"
  3686. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3687. A wave of guilt starts to wash over you. You almost tried to have sex with this filly today. She's like… 12. Maybe 13 if you take into account the amount of time she's spent in Equestria, but still, she's less than half your fucking age. You can almost imagine Chris Hansen telling you to take a seat. Except that Chris Hansen is Twilight, and she has a very disapproving tone. A little bit of panic starts to set into you, but the soft feeling of Blossom's fur against yours makes you realize something - you didn't do it. All you did today was kiss her. And she wasn't broken up because of it. Okay, maybe she's a little bit upset, but things turned out alright in the end, right?
  3689. So you decide to push your luck.
  3691. "Blossom? What if I said I wanted that to count as our first kiss?"
  3693. She sighs.
  3695. >"Well, maybe you do. And if that's what you want to take out of it, I can't really stop you. But personally, I think a first kiss should be something special, not just randomly taken in the middle of a game of stupid me playing with people's feelings."
  3697. "You know you beat yourself up too much over that, right? You're a kid still. It's fine."
  3699. >"It's not fine! And look, just because you made a stupid mistake doesn't mean I'm not guilty here too. Heck, I practically told you to kiss me!"
  3701. "Well there ya go. It's not stolen, you said it yourself."
  3703. >"Well, it wasn't in the way I was hoping. And to be honest, I think you could do better too. In fact, I think I can get you a better first kiss."
  3705. "What, you're gonna kiss me now and say something like 'Oh Anon, yes I consent!' and everything's gonna be hunky dory?"
  3707. >"What? No. Your first kiss won't be with me. It'll be with… oh what was the name of that filly you were crushing on? Cheerilee? The one you said you didn't want to see kissing anyone else."
  3709. "Pretty sure she's not a lesbian."
  3711. >"There's like 3 fillies to every colt in this town. I'm pretty sure every one of them's at least a little bit flexible. Besides, I've got a plan. Twilight was suggesting a game of truth or dare at the party, right? Well what if I said we should play it. I can take truths from most ponies except for you and Twilight, and maybe Applejack since she's not the kind of pony to make those kinds of dares. But I'm gonna dare Cheerilee to kiss you straight on the lips. And THAT will be your first REAL kiss. Sound good?"
  3712. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3713. "You know what? I'll accept this. It's absolutely bonkers in a way only a teenager could think up, and I'm certain there's absolutely no way it could go wrong, but fuck it. Cheerilee first kiss here I come."
  3715. >"Hey, I may be a teenager, but I know how to make people happy. And I know you're going to be happiest with Cheerilee cuddled up to you and smooching on you."
  3717. "Well duh, but I don't exactly see that happening."
  3719. >"Have a little faith in me. You call me Hannah, Angel of, uh… Hope! Yes. By my grace, I will get you a filly friend, and her name will be Cheerilee."
  3721. "Well, it's official. I'm boned."
  3723. The next few minutes devolve into Blossom play-hitting you, followed by throwing couch cushions at you, and eventually leading into a full on impromptu pillow fight. This continues on for quite some time until you both end up collapsed on the floor, completely exhausted. The living room is an utter mess, with couch cushions and pillows strewn everywhere, the couch completely taken apart, and at least a few of Twilight's books having fallen off the shelf when a thrown pillow knocked them off. You can't exactly agree on who could be said to have "won" the fight, but you both have come to the same conclusion - a rematch will be needed at the party, but with more pillows, and more ponies involved. Indeed, you will have a complete and total pillow war.
  3725. It's around this time that Twilight walks back into the room, carrying in her magic a few plates of what appears to be Kimchi.
  3727. >"I see you two have worked up quite the appetite."
  3728. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3729. "We made quite the mess too."
  3731. >"I see that. And I'm hoping you're going to pick up that mess too. Just because I made you dinner doesn't make me your mother."
  3733. "No, really? I thought you were my mommy, and Lyra and Blossom were my brother and sister. Now all we need is to find some other filly to be my daddy, and another to be, oh I don't know, grandma."
  3735. Blossom can't help but snicker at your sarcasm.
  3737. >"And why can't I be the grandma? I'll beat you with my cane you little whippersnapper!"
  3739. "Blossom, you're like… the youngest of the bunch. Unless we meet someone younger, and I doubt that's happening."
  3741. Twilight rolls her eyes.
  3743. >"Har har, very funny. But if I'm going to be the mommy on Equestria too, then I get to tell you to eat your damn vegetables. Don't think I haven't been noticing both of you suspiciously trying to push your plates to the side of the table so that you'd 'accidentally' spill it onto the floor and wouldn't have to eat it."
  3745. "Oh come on, does anything get past you?"
  3747. >"Hey, there are people starving in North Korea right now who would love to have a big fat plate of kimchi, but all they're getting is half a handful of rice."
  3749. "And you couldn't make anything better, like pizza?"
  3751. >"You're the one who decided to wager on our race this morning that the loser has to make dinner. You didn't specify that the winner gets to decide what's for dinner. And since it seems mom and dad decided to go out for a date tonight for some reason, I guess that means you're kind of stuck with what I made."
  3753. "You are an absolutely terrible pony, did you know that?"
  3755. >"I live to please."
  3757. You grumble a few choice expletives under your breath as you stare at the plate in front of you. Grabbing as much as you can in one hoof, you shove the entire glob of magically fermented veggies and spices into your mouth and gulp it down quickly so you do not have to taste it for a very long time. You then chase it down as quickly as you can with a glass of water. Satisfied with your adaptive solution, you finish the rest of the meal in this manner, with as little time spent tasting Twilight's Korean cooking as possible. Blossom seems to have caught on to what you were doing, because she ends up doing the exact same thing, causing Twilight to sigh heavily as she slowly savors her own dish.
  3759. >"Both of you two need to grow up sometime."
  3760. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3761. "Yeah, well, you need to make some dishes that don't come out of commie North Korea. Seriously, would it kill you to make something properly American?"
  3763. Twilight rolls her eyes.
  3765. >"First, this is a South Korean recipe. The Norks don't use a lot of spices because they don't have the money for it. Seriously, try this, it's good."
  3767. She levitates a fork with kimchi on it up to your face, which you promptly slap away.
  3769. >"Fine, be a child. See what I care! And anyways, you want American food? Name one good American dish that doesn't contain meat."
  3771. "Apple pie? Cheese pizza? It's like you're not even trying."
  3773. >"Apple pie is a dessert, and cheese pizza can hardly even be called pizza and you know it. I could make you a Chicago style pizza, but it would be full of veggies because there's no damn meat in Ponyville and SOMEONE can't stomach real meat anyways without throwing up everything. Face it, one way or another you're going to need to eat your veggies."
  3775. "I don't need no damn veggies; I'm a horse. I eat carbs for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with no ill effects."
  3777. >"You know, I thought that too… for all of about two days into my stay here in Equestria. After the initial panic about not being on Earth anymore, I decided to throw myself at the Canterlot library to figure out everything I could about my new body. Do you know what I learned? Well, aside from how to make this damn horn work, I learned that I can't just eat hay and oats. Too much grain gives a pony indigestion, and too much sugar can, in fact, still give you diabetes. If you want to live a long life - and let's hope we don't have to spend more time on this planet than we have to - you're gonna need a proper diet. Now is a little bit of fermented cabbage and radish going to kill you? Because I've got plenty of other vegetables to choose from. We ARE in a farming town."
  3779. Blossom places a hoof on your shoulder.
  3781. >"She may have a point, Anon."
  3782. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3783. "Alright fine, MOM. But could you at least serve good vegetables? Like raw carrots, celery, or cauliflower? Not this fermented garbage?"
  3785. >"Well if you really feel that way, fine. I suppose I could make a cold salad or something…"
  3787. >"Oh my god!"
  3789. You and Twilight both turn to look at the strangely excited Blossomforth.
  3791. "What?"
  3793. >"Apples, carrots, celery stalks, colorful flowers too…"
  3795. "GODDAMMIT!"
  3797. The three of you all spontaneously burst into the Winter Wrap Up song despite the fact that Winter is not supposed to be wrapped up in Ponyville for another few weeks. You consider yourselves lucky to be home alone at this time, lest someone realize how big of dorks you are. When the song is over, you all agree never to tell anyone what just happened.
  3799. "So yeah, if you're gonna make me eat veggies, give me something with a little bit of crunch."
  3801. >"Alright. I think I can do that. Also, did you seriously call me mom earlier? I thought you were calling my mom 'mama'"
  3803. "Right, she's 'mama', you're just 'mom'. There's a difference. Mama is more awesome. Mom is just mom."
  3805. Blossom throws her hooves around Twilight in a playful embrace.
  3807. >"Hey, I think Twilight's a perfectly fine mom."
  3809. >"Oh, you say that now after you refuse to try my perfectly good kimchi. Don't you have an adoptive mom to live with?"
  3811. >"She's not my mom, she's just my boss. And landlord. And also kind of a friend. But I don't look at her like a mother figure or anything."
  3813. >"Yeah, but you know her far better than you know me!"
  3815. "Face it Twi, you're still gonna be our mom any way you look at it."
  3817. >"Well then someone needs to get 'mom' a drink."
  3818. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3819. "A drink? Sure, sure. You got an ice ball mold?"
  3821. >"What? No. What are you trying to make here?"
  3823. "A very complex cocktail I saw on the Internet a couple of months ago. Fire is involved."
  3825. >"Okay, I don't even want to know what all this entails. We don't have a ton of booze in the house anyways. Tell you what though, do you know how to make a bloody mary?"
  3827. "I think so? Isn't that just tomato juice and vodka?"
  3829. >"Yeah, but add barbecue sauce and like… a small dash of hot sauce. Also lemon juice."
  3831. "I don't know how you managed to make that sound even more gross. Why do people drink this?"
  3833. >"Same reason people drink in general."
  3835. "Fair point."
  3837. Blossom is staring intently at you two for some reason.
  3839. >"Uhh, not to be the buzzkill in the room and all, but aren't you both still kinda fillies? I mean, I get that you were fine for drinking back on Earth, but like, won't this really mess up your liver?"
  3841. Twilight shrugs.
  3843. >"One drink won't kill me. I never was an alcoholic anyways, just a casual drinker."
  3845. >"Whatever you say."
  3847. You head off into the kitchen looking around for ingredients. Surely enough, in a very high up shelf, you find a bottle of vodka. Somehow, you manage to get it down without the bottle slipping out of your hooves and shattering on the ground. The rest of the ingredients are easily found in the fridge. You mix together what you think is a bloody mary into a wine glass, and bring it back into the living room. Twilight accepts the drink eagerly, and makes a cheering motion with it in her telekinesis.
  3849. >"For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon, amen."
  3851. She takes a sip of the drink and the front door opens. Cadance walks in, dropping a pair of grocery bags as she sets her eyes on Twilight.
  3853. <"Twilight Sparkle, are you DRINKING?"
  3854. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3855. "Could you please define drinking, Cadance? Because it clearly looks like Twilight is consuming some liquids. There's nothing wrong with that, right? I drink water all the time."
  3857. <"Alcohol! Are you drinking alcohol?"
  3859. Despite facing potentially serious trouble with Cadance, and possibly her parents when they come home, Twilight remains perfectly calm. In fact, she takes another sip of her drink before deciding to answer the question.
  3861. >"I can neither confirm nor deny that there is alcohol in this drink, and even if I did know, that information would be classified."
  3863. <"What in Tartarus is that supposed to mean?"
  3865. >"Simple. It is hypothetically possible that I asked Anon here to make me a virgin mary; a drink that contains no alcohol whatsoever. It is also hypothetically possible that he added some alcohol to it as a prank in revenge for making him eat fermented vegetables for dinner. It is equally possible, however, that I instead requested him to make a bloody mary, which does contain alcohol. In the former case, he would be entirely at fault, and in the latter, it would be me. Since you cannot punish either of us without knowing who is at fault, I will decline to answer."
  3867. Cadance stares at Twilight for a few seconds with her mouth hanging half open, dumbfounded. She then turns to you and tries to put on her sweetest little princess face possible.
  3869. <"Anon, could you please tell me what it is that Twilight asked you to make her?"
  3870. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3872. "Why thank you, Cadance for giving me your complete and undivided attention. As a princess, I feel you need to be informed about certain current events which are relevant to matters of state. Namely, the Griffonian apartheid state."
  3874. <"What?"
  3876. You can hear snickering in the background from Twilight, who is finishing off the rest of her bloody mary.
  3878. "Griffons have been kicked out of over 100 Equestrian municipalities for their failure to properly integrate into pony society, and indeed, for their antisocial proclivities. They now live in territory originally owned by the old pegasopolan empire, yet they outright exclude pony-kind from living within their borders."
  3880. <"What the hell are you… you know what, I don't care. Just tell me what Twilight told you to make!"
  3882. "To make matters worse, the griffons have been engaging in usury to both deplete the Equestrian treasury and finance their war of oppression against the breezies, who used to live peacefully within the pegasopolan empire. And yet despite all of this criminal behavior they engage in, it is considered taboo to even question them in Equestrian society."
  3884. <"Okay, fine, shut up already. See what I care!"
  3886. She picks up the grocery bags and storms off into the kitchen to put them away. Only a second later, you hear her shouting once more.
  3888. <"You left the vodka on the counter you twerp!"
  3889. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3891. "How do you know I didn't drink it myself, huh Cadance? You aren't exactly the best at setting examples. In fact, I'm pretty sure you were hung over this morning!"
  3893. She storms back into the living room looking a bit miffed.
  3895. <"Hey, you know what? I'm an adult; I can drink. You're a filly. If you really drank that booze, it could seriously hurt you."
  3897. "You're not an adult, you're a teenager. You shouldn't be drinking either. Know what else you shouldn't be doing? Having sex before marriage. I know about that 'special wrestling' you and Shining have been doing when Twi and I aren't looking."
  3899. <"Oh please, when would I ever have the opportunity for doing anything like that when in case you haven't noticed, there's no privacy in this house!"
  3901. >"Except in the basement. Is that what you're mad about? Are you mad we're keeping you from making me an aunt at age ten?"
  3903. <"You know I'm pretty sure I could just ground you both right now for being a couple of brats!"
  3905. >"Well you'll never get an hour alone with Shiny in my room with no interruptions that way."
  3907. <"I… what?"
  3909. >"Yeah, this is a bribe. I give you an hour a week to fool around in my room with Shiny, no questions asked. You look the other way when I get up to shenanigans like drinking and casting dark magic."
  3911. <"Are you serious?"
  3913. >"Are you a sex-deprived alicorn of love?"
  3915. <"…You know what? Twice a week."
  3917. >"Thrice every two weeks and keep it to when Anon's out of the house. Also you have to clean up after yourselves. You cool with that Anon?"
  3918. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3920. "Sure, sure, just make sure you wrap it before you tap it and all. Also, I want in on that immunity."
  3922. Cadance sighs.
  3924. <"You two strike a hard bargain, but deal."
  3926. She shakes each of your hooves and the room falls silent. Blossom is staring on at the three of you with awe and confusion.
  3928. >"What the heck just happened?"
  3930. Twilight wraps a hoof around Blossom and points the other out towards you and Cadance.
  3932. >"Collusion my dear Blossomforth. Pure, mutually beneficial, collusion."
  3934. >"But, but… how?"
  3936. >"I'll tell you when you're older, sweetie."
  3938. "Yeah, I'm not even sure myself, but whatever. I'm gonna get a drink."
  3940. >"Go easy on yourself. You may be an Earth pony, but you're still a filly like me. No more than one drink will be enough to get you hammered."
  3942. "Yeah yeah, whatever, MOM."
  3944. As you walk past Cadance into the kitchen, you decide on a whim to whisper into her ear.
  3946. "You don't have to wait until I'm gone, you know."
  3948. <"And just what is that supposed to mean?"
  3950. "It means you should see the look on your face right now, priceless. But in all seriousness, try not to break the poor stallion."
  3952. <"You two fillies are way too corrupted, you know that?"
  3954. You tune out the conversation that seems to follow between Blossom and Cadance as you search around the kitchen for cocktail ingredients. Quite unfortunately, there isn't a lot of alcohol behind the vodka and a bottle of brandy that you're pretty sure Mama Velvet uses to refill her flask. There is some orange juice available though, so you decide to make a simple screwdriver and pop in a silly straw to enjoy it with. You remember to put away the booze this time, however. While Twilight may have been able to bribe Cadance, you're pretty sure she couldn't do anything about Night Light.
  3956. You walk into the living room, sit down next to your friends, and enjoy your drink. All said, today was a good day.
  3957. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3958. The rest of your day goes by pretty uneventfully, barring a few drunken antics that involving Twilight, dabbing, and pretending not to be drunk in front of Velvet and Night Light. Blossom eventually leaves to head home, and Shiny takes it upon himself to walk her home, given that it is pitch black outside, and she's still a filly. You're pretty sure he can be trusted not to do anything stupid with her. As night falls, you end up falling asleep next to a very drunk, and unusually cuddly Twilight, who asks that you agree never to discuss this when you're sober.
  3960. When you wake up the next morning, the hangover you receive gives you a good idea that drinking cocktails should perhaps not be a regular activity - just once in a while. Fortunately, Twilight knows the ultimate hangover cure, which in Equestria appears to be a sandwich covered in eggs sunny side up, fried jalapenos, provolone cheese, and a sunflower. After breakfast, you set out to do more party planning, which mostly consists of finding out when all of your friends should be able to attend a party together, and also explaining why you're having a party for this in the first place when they all met you while you had your cutie mark. Ultimately, you manage to get an agreement from all of them to attend next Saturday. Twilight, meanwhile, manages to convince Mama Velvet to allow the party to be held in the tree house.
  3962. The weekdays that follow are mostly pretty boring. You go to school, you pretend to learn, and you hang out with your circle of friends, which has only managed to increase as a result of Blossom and Twilight's efforts. Noteworthy, for what he's worth, is a pretty cool colt. He sings like a pop-star and seems to get along with Rarity. Of course, he's also a year older than her, and her parents seem very suspicious of him despite usually being fairly nice ponies to be around. You suspect that some ponies in Ponyville might be treating you a little bit better just because you're in the majority demographic as a female Earth pony.
  3964. When Friday rolls around and you come home from school and hoofball, you find a brown package on your doorstep, along with a postcard from Manehatten. It seems Lyra has finally gotten back to you.
  3965. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3966. You don't even bother checking out the postcard and quickly make a dash for the basement. As you approach the door, however, you find a problem - there's a horseshoe on the doorknob. This is a sort of secret communication from Cadance and Shining Armor that the room is "in use". They've done this once before, so per their 3 every 2 weeks rule, that leaves them with one more opportunity to fuck before next Saturday. Unfortunately, it means you can't really go into the basement just yet. Last time you tried, Cadance was pretty clear that you don't get to watch.
  3968. Twilight is sitting on the couch reading a spellbook, and your adoptive parents are not home. What do?
  3969. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  3970. For a few brief moments you consider banging loudly on the door and telling Cadance and Shining Armor to hurry the fuck up. Your brain, however, has other ideas. Obviously, such a distraction would kill their mood and make them take even longer to finish. Further, it could be interpreted as going back on your deal. Twilight did say they'd be uninterrupted, after all. Logically, this means you'll have to find some better place to play.
  3972. The simple answer to this is the bathroom. You're not sure why Cadance and Shining didn't just try this instead of taking such a backroom deal, but obviously you wouldn't know a damn thing about keeping a romantic mood up, being a virgin and all. Regardless, you sneak away and lock the door behind you. You crawl into the bathtub, figuring that this would be the logical place to do this.
  3974. As you open the package, you find an assortment of items. Searching around, you manage to find what you were hoping for - a very well-polished, smooth wooden dildo. And an accompanying butt plug.
  3976. "Lyra, you magnificent bastard."
  3978. You waste no time shoving both items into their respective holes and experimenting with the sensations of them. As you had thought, but nonetheless ignored, shoving a plug into your asshole without any sort of lubrication wasn't going to work well. So you spat on it a few times and it eventually managed to make its way in. The dildo was another matter entirely. It was fine as long as you were in the mood. A few minutes of fantasy about Cheerilee's sweet virgin pussy manages to get you wet enough for the dildo to slide in with no problems.
  3980. After a good ten minutes of pretending that your dildo is double ended and that Cheerilee is on the other end, you finally reach a conclusion that this would probably be better in your real bed… and also that you don't know the first thing about ass play. So you put down your toys, wash them thoroughly, and set about checking out the rest of the package.
  3982. The first thing you notice is a photograph. Lyra is sitting next to another filly who you can easily identify as Coco Pommel, smiling with their hooves wrapped around each other as if they were the best of friends.
  3984. Next, you find a letter, which you suppose is an update on Lyra's situation. You waste no time in reading it.
  3986. . . .
  3988. Dear Anon,
  3990. Long time, no speak. Hope things have been going well for you and Twilight, as well as Blossomforth if you've met her yet. I hear she's a bit spunky, but I've never met her personally. Hopefully you didn't try and do anything too silly while waiting for your dildos - which I'm willing to bet you grabbed before reading this letter, you little pervert ;). I hope you enjoyed those, by the way. They've got a weak stasis enchantment put on them, so the material should never degrade to the point of giving you a splinter. Cool, right?
  3992. Well anyways, if you're wondering how I've been doing, the answer is actually pretty damned amazing. Managed to get a place to stay on the first day, and managed to meet the coolest octogenarian you'll ever meet. She'd be the filly next to me in the attached photo, and her name's Coco. What, she doesn't look 82? Well, she's a huge fan of Frank Sinatra and likes line dancing. In case it wasn't obvious, she's from Earth too, and she's the one I'm staying with. She came to Equestria about 4 months ago or so, so she's still kind of getting used to things.
  3994. Anyways, moving to Manehatten was definitely a smart choice. The ponies here really know how to appreciate good music, so I've been making decent money. Enough so that I even felt like picking you up some souvenirs, like this crystal snowglobe I picked up at a flee market for dirt cheap. Maybe you'll find a use for it, I don't know. I also found some bomb-ass chocolates, so I tossed 'em in there too.
  3996. When you have time, send me back some mail and let me know how things are going for you and Twi. I'd like to keep in touch as much as possible. You don't have to send me any souvenirs back, although I wouldn't mind any cool trinkets and knick-knacks you pick up in Ponyville that you feel like sending my way.
  3998. Peace and Love,
  4000. Lyra.
  4002. . . .
  4003. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4004. You place your relentlessly cleaned toys back in the box, away from the chocolates. Even though they're wrapped, and the toys are clean, you can never be too cautious with anything you've shoved up your ponut. With everything but the letter put away, you head back into the living room to speak with Twilight.
  4006. >"Having fun in there?"
  4008. "How would you know?"
  4010. >"There's only one filly in Equestria who sends you packages, and she promised you a dildo. Also, you were in there for like half an hour. Not capable of waiting for Cadance and Shiny to get done?"
  4012. "Absolutely not. Speaking of, are they out yet?"
  4014. >"Have been for the past ten minutes, now they've just gone out for a walk. Are you still not satisfied?"
  4016. "Bathrooms are horrible for the mood, and I might want to get back to playing around in a bit, unless you need something out of there."
  4018. >"Oh I don't. I might like to see what Lyra had to say though. I'm sure she didn't just send you a dildo."
  4020. You pass her the letter and photograph.
  4022. "See for yourself. She seems to be doing pretty alright for herself. Even managed to find yet another filly."
  4024. Twilight speed reads through the letter, pausing for a second to raise an eyebrow at one section before giving it back to you.
  4026. >"Four months, huh? Funny. Fizzlepop came to Equestria four months after me. Four months later, my classmate Lyra started acting strangely and revealed she was a human. Four months after that, Blossom shows up in Canterlot to pester me with a billion different questions, and then flies off to Ponyville. I thought that was the end of humans showing up in Equestria when I didn't see another pony four months later, but instead, twelve months after Blossom shows up, Celestia finds you in the castle. If Coco came to Equestria four months before you, then that means we're missing someone, yes?"
  4028. You spend a minute trying to wrap your head around everything Twilight just said. Eventually, you come to the same conclusion:
  4030. Month 0: Twilight
  4031. Month 4: Fizzlepop
  4032. Month 8: Lyra
  4033. Month 12: Blossom
  4034. Month 16: ????
  4035. Month 20: Coco
  4036. Month 24: You
  4038. "So who's the missing pony?"
  4040. >"Who indeed. Think you can make any guesses?"
  4041. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4042. "Ooh, ooh, it's gotta be Sweetie Belle, right?"
  4044. >"No, Anon. We're talking about a pony that came into this world eight months ago, not eight months into the future. Although good job guessing that Cookie Crumbles is three months pregnant."
  4046. "Wait, her name's Cookie Crumbles?"
  4048. >"Rarity is more your friend than mine, and you didn't even know her mother's name?"
  4050. "I spend no more than ten minutes in her house at a time before dragging that filly outside. I'm not going to let her grow up to be as scared of the dirt as she was in the snow, dammit."
  4052. >"Whatever. Try and use some reasoning though."
  4054. You head down to your room to grab a piece of scratch paper and return to the living room to channel your inner autist. Writing down each of the fillies in question, you try to consider every bit of information you can. You, Twilight, and Lyra were all Americans, and to a certain extent, Blossom too (she was at least born in America). You aren't sure about Coco, but given that she was a fan of Frank Sinatra, you'd be willing to put her in the American camp too. Fizzlepop though, wouldn't be. After original nationality, you consider everyone's birth sex. In retrospect, you also weren't sure whether Fizzlepop was a man or a woman before, but you want to say man. Finally, you consider the races of each pony. The first three were unicorns, Blossom is a pegasus, and the last two are Earth ponies. So putting everything into a table, you get something looking like this:
  4056. Twilight - Unicorn - Female - American
  4057. Fizzlepop - Unicorn - Male? - Russian?
  4058. Lyra - Unicorn - Male - American
  4059. Blossom - Pegasus - Female - American/Canadian
  4060. ???? - ???? - ???? - ????
  4061. Coco - Earth Pony - Female - American?
  4062. You - Earth Pony - Male - American
  4064. Really, this seems to get you almost nowhere except to find that Fizzlepop just stands out like a sore thumb. She just doesn't belong. In fact, she's kind of supposed to be your enemy if your vision about her is right. If you were to completely ignore her though, you find a pattern emerging:
  4066. Unicorn/Female
  4067. Unicorn/Male
  4068. Pegasus/Female
  4069. ????/????
  4070. Earth Pony/Female
  4071. Earth Pony/Male
  4073. Logic would dictate that the missing pony is a pegasus who used to be a man. Assuming of course, you can throw Fizzlepop out of the equation for now.
  4075. "I'd want to say she's a pegasus, and possibly used to be a he. And hold on, I'm getting a vision. This filly, she's… Australian?"
  4076. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4077. >"She's… Aussie? How in the world do you know that?"
  4079. "I just do. It's like the voice of God just sort of beamed it into my brain. I couldn't see what our filly looks like, but I have a good idea of what she sounds like if we ever bump into her."
  4081. >"Well that still puts us into a bit of a bind. I don't think anyone in Ponyville has an Australian accent. Any more clues?"
  4083. "Not that I can tell. Although I get the sense that we should try to find our friend sooner, rather than later. We may have more enemies to face than just Fizzlepop if we're too slow. The next human to come to Equestria is going to be… a school shooter."
  4085. >"That doesn't sound good. Keep that psychic vision coming though, see if it spews any other useful tidbits of knowledge our way."
  4087. You close your eyes and try to focus, but no more information comes. It seems your powers of divination are exhausted for the day.
  4089. "I've got nothing. "
  4091. >"Well, I suppose we're going to have to go on an Equestria-wide pony hunt after your party tomorrow. Any ideas on where best to start?"
  4092. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4093. "Honestly, the best place to start would probably be nearby. We don't know where our next friend could be, but it would really suck to go all the way to Cloudsdale or Los Pegasus, or even back to Canterlot, only to find out she lives in our backyard. Maybe we could try the Everfree Forest? If anypony could live there, it would be an Australian."
  4095. Twilight nods, trying to think of something better to suggest.
  4097. >"It probably couldn't hurt. I mean, aside from the fact that the Everfree is supposed to be full of monsters. We'd need some muscle to help us, but at the same time, we'd need an excuse for that muscle as to why we're going into the Everfree."
  4099. "Didn't your brother drag you into the caves underneath Canterlot just because he was looking for treasure?"
  4101. >"Well, yeah. Not sure if he'd go along with a random trip into the Everfree though. It's a little bit more dangerous, plus we can't go off telling him what we're actually looking for in there."
  4103. "Great. Well at least we can probably rope Blossom into it."
  4105. >"Three weak fillies is not much of an improvement over two. Got any more bright ideas on how to keep safe while going there? I'm all for it, just as long as we can get some sort of insurance."
  4106. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4107. "Maybe we're looking at this problem the wrong way. Instead of trying to go through the forest, we could try and go over it with a few pegasi to assist us. Or at least Blossom if she's willing to do the work to set up a cloud walkway or something. Although if we think about it, it would be easier to just have Blossom do some overhead scouting. Too bad we don't have any wings"
  4109. >"Overhead scouting would work, but it might not be able to find the new filly if she's in one of the more dense parts of the forest. Still, good thinking. I'll try and research a flight spell of some sort. If nothing else, we're going to need it if we ever want to visit any pure pegasus cities like Cloudsdale."
  4111. "Okay. Well, in case we need to look through a super dense part of the forest, maybe we could cover some filly or colt in bacon grease and trick them into running ahead of us to scope out any predators?"
  4113. Twilight winces.
  4115. >"Let's shelf that plan for now. Only use it for uh… fillies we really don't like."
  4117. "Okay, so I guess the flight plan is our plan A. How long would it take you to research your flight spell?"
  4119. >"About a week. You'll have to figure out some other way to entertain yourself in the mean time."
  4121. She grabs an advanced magic book off a nearby shelf and begins reading, leaving you once again to your own devices. What will you do?
  4122. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4123. Leaving Twilight to her own devices, you leave the house and set out for Sugarcube Corner. Blossom's shift should almost be over, and you're going to be needing her for a few things. As you open the door, you can't help but grin at the sight of her cute smiling face. It really doesn't help that she's humming the MLP theme song as she sweeps up the main dining area.
  4125. >"Oh hey, Anon, what's up?"
  4127. "Nothing much, just got a package from Lyra. She met another human-turned filly in Manehatten. You wouldn't believe it, but the gal was 82 before she came to Equestria."
  4129. >"No freaking way! Guess she must've lucked out major."
  4131. "Lyra's the one who lucked out. She's somehow managed to stay with the filly while she's in Manehatten."
  4133. >"I can only imagine what conversation went on with that filly's parents. Or is she a runaway like me and Lyra?"
  4135. "No clue. Anyways, Lyra wanted to hear back from us when we can, and I was kind of wondering… do you happen to have a camera? I want to send a picture back to her of you, me, and Twilight. Show her everything's doing all well on our front."
  4137. >"Sorry, I don't. I think Cloudchaser might though. Maybe we could take some pictures at the party? You could show off your new big circle of friends, not just me and Twilight."
  4139. "That we could, although I'm also hoping to expand that circle of friends by adding one last filly. Twilight and I managed to figure out based on the timings between when all of us showed up in Equestria that there's one last of us, and she should probably be a pegasus like you."
  4141. >"Well it might be nice to meet another pegasister. Let me know if you two need any help."
  4143. You cringe at hearing the word 'pegasister' uttered once again.
  4145. "Yeah, sure… also, hey, I'm thinking about adding one more activity to our party games. Have you ever played… Calvinball?"
  4147. >"Um, no. What are the rules?"
  4149. "You make the game up as you go along. There are no rules except that you can't use the same rule twice."
  4151. >"That sounds confusing, and bonkers, and it will absolutely help finish off the Pinkie Pie summoning ritual. Anything I should be bringing so we can play this?"
  4152. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4153. "Just bring anything and everything sports related. Balls, flags, something we could use as bases, maybe a hoop of some sort. It's Calvinball. We'll make do with whatever."
  4155. >"Okay then. Ton of stuff. Where should I put all of this?"
  4157. "Well we want to have the game after the party, so you can keep it at your place or in my room until we're ready to play. Also, get some masks. We're definitely going to need some masks."
  4159. >"Sounds good then. Here's to hoping Pinkie will be able to join us. Even if she can't necessarily hear us now and we have no idea how to contact her, we should probably at least say she's invited so she won't feel like she's crashing it."
  4161. The both of you spontaneously drop to your knees and place your hooves together in prayer.
  4163. "Oh Pinkie Pie, hallowed be thy name. Our party comes tomorrow. Your will be done in Equestria, as it is in Heaven. Grace us with your presence. And forgive us for the late invitation. And do not show up unfashionably late, but keep us from party fouls. Amen."
  4165. >"Amen."
  4167. You both stand back up, and Blossom returns to sweeping, fully convinced that neither of you have blasphemed in any way.
  4169. >"So I guess I have a few errands to run after work if I'm going to get all of that stuff. You gonna join me or do you have anything better to do?"
  4170. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4171. You want to feel at least slightly guilty about committing heresy, but your ability to give a damn about religion is currently disabled. You're not even sure if there is a God in this universe, or if your universe's God placed you here as a practical joke. For what it's worth, Pinkie Pie makes a fine substitute deity. And Blossom… you really don't want to think anything more sexual about her, so you'll just say she'd make a cute nun in the Church of Ponk. In fact, she's cute enough that you wouldn't mind wasting an afternoon with her.
  4173. "Hey, I'm not leaving you behind. Besides, Twi's got her nose stuck in a book again trying to learn some flight spells for us."
  4175. >"Oh Twi, nerd in the show, nerd even when she's a mom in a filly body."
  4177. "Word. Books are for people who can't into sports."
  4179. Your complete collection of the Dune series of books silently weeps on a dusty bookshelf back on Earth.
  4181. After a quick wrap up of her cleaning duties and closing up the store, you and Blossom head out in search of sports equipment. Because it's rather late, you only have about an hour before the other stores close, so you end up running everywhere you go. Fortunately, you don't have too far to travel, as Ponyville isn't exceptionally large.
  4183. To your knowledge, baseball isn't so big in Equestria, so you can't find any baseball equipment from the ball salesman. But there are frisbees, so you pick up four of those, along with a dodgeball. If nothing else, you can reinvent kickball at some later point, once you've come up with a sufficient way to play Calvinball tomorrow. You consider picking up a tennis racket as well, but Blossom reminds you that her wallet isn't super deep, and instead elect to use large sticks as bats. It's not as if Ponyville has a shortage of trees, after all. You make a mental note to either get a part time job or to ask for an allowance from Velvet and Night Light.
  4185. After taking the frisbees and the ball back to Blossom's room, you decide the next step would be to obtain the flags and the masks. Unfortunately, there aren't any stores that sell these in Ponyville, at least not ones that are open. So instead, you elect to do some arts and crafts to do the job. You manage to find a decent amount of scrap wood after searching around the city, and decide that you will make those into masks. You also find a couple of sticks that will make for good mini flagpoles, and one large one that will be useful as a bat. Placing the bat back in Blossom's room once again, you set out to Rarity's house to enlist in her help in creating masks. Fortunately, this is a task she's happy to oblige with. She also lends you some of the unused cloth trimmings from one of her latest projects, which you use to make into flags. You neglect to tell her what all of this is for, as she seems perfectly content to spend a Friday night with her friends, crafting a bunch of flags and masks for no reason. But hey, no time like the present to bond.
  4187. By the time you manage to get finished with everything, it's rather dark out. Rarity offers to let you stay the night tonight, since nothing beats following up spontaneous arts and crafts with a spontaneous sleepover, but in the distance, you can hear Mama Velvet calling out your name. In all the time you were out having fun, you forgot to let your family know where you were going.
  4188. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4189. As much as you'd love to stay, making Mama Velvet mad the day before your party doesn't strike you as a good idea. So you grab your masks and flags and bid Rarity and Blossom farewell before bolting out the door as fast as you can to meet with your adoptive mother.
  4191. <<"There you are, I was looking all over for you. Where were you?"
  4193. "I was out with friends. Last minute party preparations and all. I guess I should have left a note where I was going."
  4195. <<"It's fine. As long as you're safe. Have you had dinner yet?"
  4197. "Now that I think of it, no I haven't."
  4199. <<"Can I spoil you rotten?"
  4201. "Does Twilight go through two books a day?"
  4203. You both share a laugh at that comment as you walk home together. Though you don't share this with Velvet, you find it just a bit amusing how many odd similarities your universe's Twilight has with the show's Twilight, despite all of her Earth quirks. It makes you wonder just a little bit what the pony who had your body was like before you showed up. Would they be destined to have a talent for predicting the future? And just why were they in a guest room in the castle? Would any of their old friends and family come back to haunt you? You hope to never find out.
  4205. When you make it home, you find sitting on the living room table a massive mushroom, olive, and extra cheese pizza. You take a seat next to Twilight and spend the rest of the evening trying to describe to the non-Earthling members of the family the concept of Calvinball as you munch away on pizza.
  4207. Before you know it, the time to sleep comes upon you once again. You settle into bed next to Twilight, all too anxious for your upcoming party tomorrow.
  4208. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4209. It's Saturday. Normally, you'd like to sleep in on Saturdays, but today you're a bit of a light sleeper. Light enough that the sound of the door opening manages to jolt you out of your slumber as you observe Twilight and Blossom descending the stairs into the basement.
  4211. >"Oh darn, you're awake. I was planning on tossing a bucket of water over your head."
  4213. "Very funny Blossom. But I see no bucket, nor is there a water source in the room."
  4215. >"Are you sure? Look under your bed."
  4217. You bend over the side of your bed and peer underneath. Surely enough, tucked away into a corner on the far side is a small metal bucket.
  4219. "How? When?"
  4221. >"When you and Twilight were drunk as a couple of skunks and I excused myself for an awfully long time to go to the bathroom."
  4223. >"Yeah, let's not talk about that day again, shall we? We've got a party to set up, and we should probably get a good breakfast."
  4225. You decide to take Twilight's advice and head upstairs in silence to get your breakfast. Today, it's waffles, blueberries, and whipped cream - an excellent way to get you way too hyperactive before your party starts. Cadance, for what it's worth, isn't hungover this time around, but Blossom seems to feel no need to pester her with questions today. Maybe it's because she had her perception of the princess shattered last Saturday. Either way, it's a relatively quiet breakfast for everybody until you hear a knock at the door.
  4226. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4227. You search around for one of the masks you made last night and put it on as you approach the door. You try to think up a good prank to pull on whoever's on the other side, inevitably settling on the classic "is your refrigerator running" as you open the door. What lies on the other side, however, has other plans. Immediately you are tackle hugged to the ground by some sort of pink pony wearing a nun's habit. Almost immediately, you're able to tell who it is.
  4229. >"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie! I heard through the grapevine that there was a big party going on here so I decided to check it out. But then I realized I hadn't been invited so I started to turn around until I saw this weird pegasus guy with four wings and a halo and I thought to myself 'jee guy, why does your mom let you have TWO sets of wings?' But he didn't seem interested in answering that at all because he was all, 'I AM THE METATRON, VOICE OF THE ALL MIGHTY GOD', and so I said 'Mettaton? You're in the wrong fandom!' He didn't seem very impressed though, so he put this thing on my head and said to head to the big tree over in Ponyville because there's a costume party going on and I could come as long as I'm wearing a costume. I see you're wearing one too, so is this where the whole thing is being held?"
  4231. "Buh, I umm… yes, Pinkie."
  4233. >"Wait a second, is that Pinkie Pie over there? Hi Pinkie!"
  4235. >"Hi mysterious pony who somehow knows my name!"
  4237. >"Come inside, we have waffles!"
  4239. >"Oooh, don't mind if I… hold on one second. Author, I don't think this is going to work."
  4241. What?
  4243. "What?"
  4245. >"You made all of your new mane six and all of your old mane six use the > mark to denote when they're talking. It's going to be really confusing for your readers to know who the heck is talking without some serious context clues."
  4247. New mane six… Pinkie, did you just spoil the plot of the story that I was planning on revealing AFTER they find the last human?
  4249. >"Hey, you made me say it. Besides, it's not like you couldn't have made it any more obvious by having the Element of Loyalty talk to Nonny in his sleep."
  4251. "Pinkie, who are you talking to? And how did you know all that…"
  4253. >"The author, silly!"
  4255. Pinkie, please don't break the fourth wall.
  4257. "Is that the guy whose voice is in my head right now?"
  4259. >"See? You've got way too many characters and you try to differentiate how they're talking to each other by putting different little sigils in front of everyone's speech. But you're trying to maintain consistency by using the same sigil for the same pony every time, which only results in everything looking completely confusing. Really, you should just be using active dialogue instead of this half-prose half-greentext mishmash."
  4261. "Am I real right now? Is this all just a story written by some autist?"
  4263. >"Oh it could be worse, you could be living with an abusive Twilight."
  4265. Pinkie, if I give you your own unique sigil, will you please never speak of this again?
  4267. ^"Deal. Now where is that Element of Laughter?"
  4269. And then Blossom divebombed Pinkie Pie from the top of the tree, lifting her up into the air in a crushing hug. This gave the author a convenient distraction to make Anon forget the conversation that just occured. You are now Anon again and not the audience. After getting up from the table that Blossom was sitting at, and opening the door, you find Blossom now lifting up Pinkie Pie in a crushing hug. Looking back at the table to make sure this is definitely not a changeling duplicate, you see she is in fact, no longer there, and in front of the door. How she got there so fast, you have no idea. But more importantly, Pinkie Pie is at the door, and she is dressed as a nun. What do?
  4270. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4271. You're not sure what exactly the hell is going on, but it looks like your summoning ritual worked even before it began. Seeing Pinkie being hugged to death, you join in on the fun, though not without gently lifting up her skirt to take a look at her cute pink butt. Pinkie does not seem to take notice of this, though Blossom does, and she rolls her eyes at the sight of your perversion. You shrug it off. After all, Blossom isn't even wearing clothes. You could look at her butt all day long and she couldn't really complain about it.
  4273. "So Pinkie, do you want to come inside and get breakfast? The party doesn't start for a little while, but we'd love to have you as a guest."
  4275. ^"Absolutely! Are those pancakes I smell?"
  4277. "Waffles, actually."
  4279. ^"Sweeeeeet!"
  4281. She slips out of Blossom's grip like a bar of soap in a prisoner's hands, and bounces away towards the breakfast table. Cadance looks like she's about to question who the random stranger is that somehow thinks she's entitled to the family breakfast table, but her train of thought is cut off by Twilight immediately placing a plate in front of her, which she wastes no time shoving her face into, and then licking the mess of food off of her face.
  4283. <"A friend of yours?"
  4285. >"She's a mutual friend of me, Anon, and Blossom. It's a long story, but she's going to be joining us for our party later on."
  4287. Pinkie immediately takes a hold of Cadance's hoof and shakes it vigorously.
  4289. ^"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie! What's your name? And how'd you get those cool wings to go with your horn? Or is it a horn to go with your wings? Or did you get both and you were born with neither? Can you even do that? Or oooh, can you be born with both a horn and wings like maybe a dragon, and then become a pony later? Or…"
  4291. <"I'm Cadance. And it's a horn to go with the wings. Princess Celestia made me an alicorn after I managed to defeat an evil witch with, well… love and compassion."
  4293. ^"Awww, that's so cute. Do you think I could beat an evil witch with the power of parties? Or maybe my party cannon?"
  4295. <"Party cannon?"
  4297. Pinkie looks like she's about to pull something out of extradimensional space, but Twilight stops her before she covers the entire living room in confetti.
  4299. >"I don't think we need a demonstration, Pinkie. We've already got a party planned. Also, if you really want to stop a witch with your party cannon, just fill it with grapeshot."
  4301. ^"Oooh, that sounds fun!"
  4303. She pulls the party cannon out anyways, and immediately proceeds to load it with grape jelly, which she proceeds to shoot at Twilight's face. Unsurprisingly, this does not make Twilight happy, even after Pinkie licks off all of the jelly after it starts to slowly drip off.
  4305. >"Pinkie, that's not funny."
  4307. ^"Oh, come on Twilight. I want to make you smile. You look like you don't smile enough."
  4309. Twilight's scowl only worsens, so Pinkie does the most logical thing to come to her head, and sings the Smile song, which you and Blossom both join in on eagerly.
  4311. >"You two are absolutely incorrigible, you know that?"
  4312. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4313. Twilight still doesn't seem too impressed by the smile song. You were really hoping that would work, but you suppose having your entire face covered in jam, only to have it licked off in the most cartoonish-style fashion has to be pretty damn bad. So logically you pull Twilight into a warm embrace and just hold her for a while as Blossom and Pinkie join in, finally followed by Cadance.
  4315. >"Okay… you guys… can stop now. Kinda crushing me."
  4317. You all let go of her finally.
  4319. >"I'm not even mad. Just… don't do that again, Pinkie."
  4321. ^"Okie dokie lokie!"
  4323. And so you all sit back down and finish off the remaining morsels of your breakfast. After all of this, it is time to set up the party, although Twilight is absent for the first half hour of the preparations, spending some time in the basement trying to "meditate away some stress." Fortunately, Pinkie Pie is more than able to pick up the slack, baking a massive cake together with Blossom as you set up the living room. When Twilight finally emerges, it takes only another 15 or so minutes to get everything finished up.
  4325. A few hours later, the party begins and you start to see your first guests. Rarity, Applejack, Carrot Top, and Big Mac are among the first to arrive, followed by Flitter, Cloudchaser, and Thunderlane. Next are Caramel and Noteworthy. Last, after an anxious ten minutes or so, are Cherry Blossom and Cheerilee.
  4327. How shall the party begin?
  4328. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4329. At the suggestion of Pinkie, you start the party off with a good game of Twister. In her own words, there's no better way to break the ice between a bunch of ponies than to have them rubbing their bodies against each other in the most awkward way possible. As it turns out, everything that is true about Twister as a human is true as a pony, and having four limbs changes nothing. Somewhere in the middle of it all, however, you learn from Cloudchaser that the game gets much more interesting when you play with just pegasi. After a few rounds taking turns with various subgroups of your party (because try as you might, it is impossible to play Twister with everypony in the house at once), you suggest to see exactly that.
  4331. So thus, you end up with everyone who isn't a pegasus sitting in a circle around the Twister mat watching Cloudchaser, Flitter, Thunderlane, and Blossom play by pegasus rules. As you'd imagine, this incorporates both wings, but also the tongue and tail. Despite being pushed into a number of awkward and compromising positions with Thunderlane, Blossom nevertheless never fails a turn, being able to contort herself into the weirdest ways. Indeed, at one point she even finds herself wrapping her entire body around the entire rest of the group, causing Flitter to immediately fall, followed by Cloudchaser a few turns later. Thunderlane is the last to fall, although not without taking advantage of one of the tongue rounds to "accidentally" lick Blossom. She does not take this well, and ends up "accidentally" knocking him off balance with her own ass. You make a note to never ever call her "thunder thighs" or anything similar, or you could just get crushed.
  4333. After a few more games to tire you out, you all take a break to enjoy the most delicious chocolate cake you've ever had - even better than what you've had on Earth. You make sure to pass on your compliments to the chefs.
  4335. Next is Truth or Dare. You wanted to have this before you break out the dance music, in hopes of maybe dancing with Cheerilee after Blossom breaks out her dare. Assuming, of course, that she doesn't freak out over it.
  4337. It's Pinkie's turn to ask first.
  4339. ^"Nonny, truth or dare?"
  4340. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4341. "Dare."
  4343. You were strongly considering answering truth to start out, but you realized you wanted to encourage others to take dares too. If you set a precedent of playing it safe, Cheerilee might not end up taking a dare from Blossomforth when it came time to do it. Besides, Pinkie wouldn't dare you to do anything super humiliating, right?
  4345. ^"Okay! I dare you… to give Twilight a piggy back ride!"
  4347. Okay, it's going to be one of those games. You walk up to Twilight and kneel to let her up onto you. She climbs up and straddles you like a human would a horse, and you end up walking her around your circle of friends a couple of times before letting her down where she was. For her part, she seemed to enjoy it a little. At least you didn't have her kicking your sides and telling you to giddy up.
  4349. After your dare, the next pony to go is determined by a spin of a bottle. The rounds that follow are at least somewhat interesting. Twilight dares Blossom to spend the next few rounds folded into a pretzel - which she does. Carrot Top takes truth and gets asked what the weirdest thing she's ever done with a carrot was. Turns out it's nothing lewd, but she has used one to pick her nose before, which grossed a few ponies out. Cloudchaser takes a dare and has to lick cake frosting off of Thunderlane's face , which she makes a point of doing as sensually as possible.
  4351. Finally, the bottle spins to you. You can ask any pony you want truth or dare.
  4352. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4353. "Yo Big Mac, truth or dare?"
  4355. >>"Dare."
  4357. "Alright. I dare you to dress up like a girl."
  4359. He scratches a hoof to his chin.
  4361. >>"How?"
  4363. Okay, you hadn't thought that one out too thoroughly. You don't have any dresses you could shove him in. But you could delay this just a bit until you could get one.
  4365. "Hey Rares, got any dresses his size?"
  4367. >"I just might… if you all don't mind me heading home for a bit to grab one."
  4369. "Do it."
  4371. Big Mac gulps nervously as Rarity trots on out of the house to fetch a dress his size. His time will come soon enough. While she's gone, a few more turns pass with increasingly interesting dares. Carrot Top dares Applejack to try climbing the tree again, which she does (albeit with a little bit of hesitation in spite of the lack of a bee's nest), and as revenge, she dares Carrot Top to take a bath in pickle brine. You would assume this would be another delayed dare, until Twilight heads into the kitchen and pulls out a brine made from unused kimchi vegetables. It smells absolutely rank, but Carrot Top took the dare, and so she spends the next five minutes or so in a barrel full of it. You're not sure if this was planned.
  4373. Rarity returns soon after, plugging her nose from the smell, and plops a very frilly hot pink dress onto Big Mac. To keep things interesting, he has to wear it for the rest of the game. With this distraction out of the way, the dare war continues on, this time between Noteworthy and Caramel. Noteworthy gets dared to sing a very embarrassing song in his best singing voice, so in turn he sends back a dare to Caramel - snuggle up to his crush. Caramel objects to this on the grounds that it's a disguised truth, but the rest of the group tells him to just do it, and so half reluctantly he ends up nuzzling a wet and smelly Carrot Top. Fortunately, she's at least reciprocal to him and nuzzles him back.
  4375. Finally, it's Blossom's turn. You know it, she's going to hit Cheerilee with the kiss dare. She said she would.
  4377. >"Anon, Truth or Dare?"
  4378. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4379. "Triple dog dare me, mother bucker!"
  4381. Blossom flashes an evil smile. It's an evil smile that tells you everything has gone according to her plans. Fortunately, you know exactly what her plans are, and you love every bit of them.
  4383. >"I dare you to kiss the pony you've been crushing on this entire time you've been in Ponyville. And don't try denying it. I've seen you stealing glances at her the second she showed up to the party."
  4385. The crowd around you makes a loud "Ooooo" at Blossom's revelations. Admittedly, you may have been catching a few quick glances at Cheerilee's flank when you thought no one was looking.
  4387. >"And one more thing: you can't be a chicken about it. It has to be on the lips."
  4389. The "Oooo"s grow louder. You were hoping Blossom would have dared Cheerilee like she said she would, but you suppose you have to be the one to initiate it… in front of everyone. Whether this makes Blossom the best or the worst wingmare, you're not sure, but regardless, you have an excuse to act freely.
  4391. You clear your mind of all possible distractions, including any psychic visions that could possibly tell you that this is a bad idea. With confidence, you approach Cheerilee, who looks thoroughly confused as you meet her eyes, just inches apart, and suddenly kiss her.
  4393. For a brief few seconds, you experience nothing but happiness. Your sense of the world around you disappears, all you become aware of is that Cheerilee's lips are warm, almost inviting, and that you are able to share this moment with her that you would not have tried had it not been for the dare. And then she slowly pulls away. She looks into your eyes, completely bewildered by what just happened.
  4395. <<"Uh, I umm…"
  4397. She doesn't know how to react.
  4398. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4399. You place a hoof on the confused filly's shoulder.
  4401. "Roses are red, violets are blue. I didn't know love, until I found you."
  4403. She still doesn't know how to react, almost paralyzed in thought. You're not quite sure what to do for her, so you flash her a smile and walk down to your seat. A few more rounds are played, at least to make sure everyone who didn't get a turn to make a dare or to receive a dare gets at least one.
  4405. Cheerilee is the second to last pony to go, but to everyone's surprise, she simply passes it up. This leaves her sister Cherry Blossom with the final turn.
  4407. <<<"Thunderlane, Truth or Dare?"
  4409. >>"Dare, obviously."
  4411. <<<"I dare you to kiss Blossom."
  4413. >"Hey, that's not fair!"
  4415. <<<"Life's not fair. Reap what you sow, you BITCH!
  4417. Before she can respond, Thunderlane runs up to her and kisses her. She struggles a bit to push him off of her. When she finally manages to break the kiss, she looks like she could break down in tears. Thunderlane waltzes back to his original seat next to his girlfriends, looking way too smug. You start to wonder whether this whole game was a mistake.
  4418. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4419. You know what? No. The game wasn't a mistake at all. You still got to kiss Cheerilee, even if she is just as stunned as Blossom. What is it with these fillies and making such a big deal about being kissed? You can somewhat understand Blossom - she had mega hangups about Thunderlane and the idea of having her first kiss stolen anyhow. But Cheerilee? Was it because she was straight? You try to remember back to the show… oh right, she had a thing with Big Mac kinda… sorta… okay not really, but you're pretty sure she wasn't lesbian. Maybe you should talk to her? A glance over at Blossom suggests that maybe you should have other priorities in mind.
  4421. "Alright everypony, let's dance. Forget this madness!"
  4423. Okay, so you don't have a music player of any sort. But you do have a Pinkie Pie. And Pinkie Pie has extra-dimensional pockets full of party supplies. And party supplies means music. At the sound of the word "dance", Pinkie knows exactly what you need and pulls out a phonograph playing some jazzy swing dance music. Now that's what you call a distraction!
  4425. Ponies all around you start dancing. Thunderlane with his two girlfriends, Caramel with his new very wet with pickle brine girlfriend, Cheerilee with her sister, and you with Blossom. It's completely platonic, but you need to cheer her up. She doesn't talk much, so you decide to break the ice a bit.
  4427. "So maybe inviting Thunderlane was a mistake."
  4429. She shakes her head.
  4431. >"Don't be like that Anon. I knew what I was doing. It just kinda… screwed up for me in the end."
  4433. "Why didn't you just dare Cheerilee to kiss me instead?"
  4435. >"I thought about it for a while. She's the kinda pony who would've picked truth. Daring you got around that. It's just it left me open for the same dare. I guess Cherry was right. I do reap what I sow. I just wish it wasn't with him…"
  4437. "You know, it's not too late to say I took your first kiss."
  4439. She punches you lightly on your shoulder. Not enough to bruise or anything, but enough to hurt sorta, like when you used to play the circle game with your brothers.
  4441. >"Twilight was right, you ARE incorrigible."
  4443. She wraps her hooves around you in a warm inviting hug, and to your surprise, gives you a playful kiss on the cheek.
  4445. >"But I suppose sharing a first kiss with your best friend is better than with a playboy."
  4446. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4447. "Wait, didn't I technically do the same shit as him? I mean, we both stole a kiss from you."
  4449. Blossom giggles into one of her hooves.
  4451. >"He has two girlfriends and a massive ego. There's a difference between someone who wants to increase the size of his harem and someone who literally hasn't experienced love at all and doesn't know how to get it. But seriously though, why can't Thunderlane be happy with what he's got? Really, TWO girlfriends. TWO!"
  4453. "Lack of confidence maybe?"
  4455. >"Lack of intelligence, more like. You know, I can say a lot of things about you, Anon. But the one thing I can't call you is an idiot. Nor can I say that about Twilight. Honestly, I'm kind of glad you two rolled into town. Not that I haven't been able to sort of make a home here before you came, but I guess… it never really felt like home. It's hard to relate to a bunch of ponies once the magic wears off and you have to get used to manipulating everything with hooves and get a job and everything. But you two, you're like family, you know?"
  4457. "Maybe… none of us are blood related though."
  4459. >"That's not all family's about, you know. It's about the connection and understanding you have together. We're among the few ponies in Equestria who actually know anything about Earth or being human."
  4461. "I guess. Not sure if I'd call all of the ex-human ponies family though. Like Fizzlepop, who's apparently plotting with the changelings or something. Or at least that's what my vision told me."
  4463. >"Yeah, well, I'm not taking into account the ponies I haven't met yet. Just you, me, and Twilight. Speaking of, if Twilight's our 'mom', should I consider you like my brother or my sister?"
  4464. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4465. "Eh, whatever works for you will be fine. I don't have too much of an attachment to being a filly, but I can't deny that it's what I biologically am right now."
  4467. >"Then a brother it is. No offense, but you don't strike me as very girly."
  4469. "None taken. I don't suppose I could be a secret lover brother, could I?"
  4471. She giggles again.
  4473. >"You're funny, but no. Although I do still need to help you with that girlfriend thing. Don't know if things are still possible with Cheerilee, but I should at least apologize to her later on so I don't burn bridges for both of us."
  4475. "I guess she must be straight to have that sort of reaction. I don't suppose she'd buy the 'I used to be a man' argument, would she?"
  4477. >"Probably not. Plus Twilight doesn't want us going around telling ponies who we are. Not that it would do anything anyways. Outside of complete weirdos, no one's gonna believe it's anything but a child making up stories."
  4479. "Rats."
  4481. >"We'll find someone for you. It's just gonna take a bit more time. It also probably shouldn't involve me pulling tricks on ponies to make it work. Fuck, I'm actually starting to feel a little bit bad. I don't suppose you've got a type, do you? Might make scoping out a girlfriend for you easier."
  4482. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4483. "Hmmm… she should be cute, perky, and fun loving, and she should be able to put up with my general… abrasiveness I guess."
  4485. >"Goes without saying. I hope you're not trying to steal Pinkie Pie away from me."
  4487. "Nah, make her have a bright coat and a two color mane too. Oh, and make her a pegasus."
  4489. You wonder if she's going to catch the fact that you just described her.
  4491. >"Hmm… I guess we're going to have to take a trip to Cloudsdale? I think I saw a rather cute filly there matching your description. Never stuck around in that town for very long, but she definitely gave me some lesbian vibes."
  4493. So much for getting Blossom to take a hint.
  4495. "Did you know her name by chance?"
  4497. >"Angel Wings."
  4499. "Sounds cute. I think I might like to pay a visit to Cloudsdale anyways. Once Twilight can get that flight spell working."
  4501. >"Well I hope she finishes that up soon. It might be nice to go flying with you two."
  4503. "Well, if Twilight's flight spell works like it did in the show, I'm gonna have to make sure not to pull an Icarus."
  4505. >"Icarus?"
  4507. "Guy tries to get off an island with his dad with some wings they made out of wax. Ignores his dad's warnings not to fly too close to the sun. Wax melts, he crashes into the sea and dies. The show made an homage to it with Rarity."
  4509. >"Oh right, that. Yeah, hopefully Twilight does some better testing so the wings won't get destroyed by sunlight. I'd like to think our Twilight's a bit smarter than the show's."
  4511. "Well, she's at least more of a smartass."
  4513. >"All too true."
  4515. She sighs.
  4517. >"I think I'm gonna need to go apologize to Cheerilee now. You wanna come? It might be easier if we both do it together."
  4518. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4519. "Might as well get this over with. I'm getting the friend zone either way."
  4521. >"That's the spirit!"
  4523. You follow Blossom over to Cheerilee, who is dancing with her sister, looking like she's trying to forget the world. As you approach, Cherry Blossom glares at you.
  4525. <<<"What do you two want? Haven't you hurt her enough?"
  4527. "I wanted to apologize. What I did was selfish and… I really didn't want to hurt your feelings. Cheers… I do have a crush on you. You're probably the cutest filly in school, and I say this in spite of the fact that we both have a friend who is obsessed with her appearances."
  4529. You motion with your hoof over to Rarity, which for once, manages to get a slight giggle out of Cheerilee. At least she was capable of expression some sort of emotion for once.
  4531. "But if you're not interested in me, I'll understand. I still do want to have you as a friend though. Because let's be honest, you're a pretty cool pony, and this is a very small town."
  4533. Cheerilee places a hoof on your shoulder and pulls you in for a hug.
  4535. <"Apology accepted. Sorry if I can't give you what you want. I'm more into colts."
  4537. If only she could know what you really were.
  4539. <<<"Alright, I can't hold a grudge against you forever. Don't pull anything like that again though. I don't take kindly to anypony hurting my sister like that, you hear me?"
  4541. >"Well then, this is probably the worst time to let you two know that this was actually all my idea."
  4543. <<<"Seriously Blossom?"
  4545. >"I wanted to help Anon get his first kiss. So we made a plan to use Truth or Dare to do it."
  4547. <"Did you just call Anon a he?"
  4549. >"Shit. First Twilight, now me? You have got to be the most butch lesbian ever if ponies can't even call you she all the time."
  4551. Nice save… not.
  4553. "Wait, when did Twilight call me he?"
  4555. >"A week ago. When she was pretending to not be drinking a bloody mary in front of Cadance."
  4557. <<<"Hold up. You girls have booze?
  4558. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4559. "I plead the fifth."
  4561. <<<"The what?"
  4563. "Am I being detained? Am I free to go? What country is this? I don't know you! REEEEEEEEEE!"
  4565. <<<"Whoa, is she drunk?"
  4567. >"No. At least I don't think so. She's just acting weird."
  4569. "Yeah, I'm just messing with y'all. In all seriousness though, this is not exactly the time or place to be drinking. I do not want us getting busted during my party."
  4571. <<<"Okay, fair point. Was just curious is all. What exactly is it like, drinking?"
  4572. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4573. "Well, it tastes like garbage and it'll burn your throat. While you're on it, you'll do dumber things than we just did in that Truth or Dare game. And when you come down from it, you'll feel like trash."
  4575. <<<"That sounds… awful. Why do ponies even do it?"
  4577. "Because being sober feels worse to them."
  4579. <<<"That… explains a lot of things."
  4581. <"You know, I think I heard a rumor that Berry Punch was making wine in her basement. Do you think she might be feeling a little bit down? She doesn't seem it on the outside, but if what she's making is really that bad… maybe she doesn't know? Or maybe she does, and she doesn't want to talk about it. Should we talk to her about it?"
  4582. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4583. "Eh, sure, why not. Maybe we could bug her at lunch tomorrow?"
  4585. <"Sounds good to me. I don't have much better to do, and I don't think anypony minds at least being checked up on."
  4587. "Yeah, I guess we don't even know if those rumors are true anyways."
  4589. You're pretty damn sure they're true. Though you hadn't spoken with Berry much outside of one or two in class group assignments, you do remember her being the butt of all alcohol related jokes on pony websites back at home. It wouldn't surprise you if she was taking up home brewing as a hobby. In fact, you were half tempted to ask her to make you a batch, although you couldn't say that in front of Cheerilee and Cherry Blossom, who you just lectured on how bad alcohol is. You make a mental note to consider talking to her in private when you can.
  4591. With your apology made, along with a few plans for the coming week, you look to get back towards dancing. Unfortuantely, though the music is still going, most of the other ponies seem to have settled down into conversations just as you had. The party seems to have died down, so that means you have only one activity left to end things with a bang: Calvinball.
  4592. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4593. All of these ponies around you are too distracted with their conversations to enjoy a good rousing game of Calvinball. You're going to have to wire them up to get them in the mood. Without thinking much, you run up the stairs, and jump towards a chandelier, swinging from it for a few seconds until you notice that it can't really support your weight. So you jump, and your momentum hurls you into a wall as you scream "cowabunga!" as loud as you can. This ultimately brings you the attention that you needed, but also a great deal of pain, particularly in and around your face, and also to a lesser extent, your torso. Then gravity kicks in and you fall the floor, landing on your hindlegs, which hurt even more.
  4595. It's not exactly easy to stand on two legs as a pony, so you fall forward onto all fours and take a bow to a crowd of ponies who are all staring at you, dumbfounded, with occasional murmurs of "are you okay?" and "that must have hurt."
  4597. "Alright everypony, listen up. It's time to play Calvinball."
  4599. Thunderlane steps forward out of the crowd.
  4601. >>"Uh, are you sure you should be playing sports after that?"
  4603. "Nonsense, I feel fine."
  4605. Twilight approaches you cautiously and gives you a light kick to one of your hind legs, causing pain to shoot up through your body.
  4607. "FUCK!"
  4609. >"Yeah, sorry Anon. I'm pretty sure you just sprained your hooves. Maybe we should reschedule the Calvinball game?"
  4610. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4611. "Twilight, Twilight, Twilight… why would I ever reschedule a Calvinball game?"
  4613. >"Well, I mean your legs. You're not exactly in a position to be running around."
  4615. "It's Calvinball. You remember reading Calvin and Hobbes, right? The rules are made up as you go along. You just can't play the game the same way twice. And in what universe am I going to have to play like this a second time? So say we make a rule around this. Like… ponies have to walk around on their front hooves. Or we could play piggyback."
  4617. >"Hmm… I'll do you one better. Everypony, pick a partner, we're gonna make this interesting."
  4619. Your friends quickly pair up: Flitter with Cloudchaser, Twilight with you, Applejack with Big Mac, Caramel with Carrot Top, Rarity with Noteworthy, Cheerilee with Cherry Blossom, and Blossomforth with Pinkie Pie. Thunderlane is left as the odd one out until Cadance steps in and decides to partner with him.
  4621. >"Alright, we're gonna start this off like a normal game of kickball, with a twist: everypony will be required to walk around with their partner in a wheelbarrow fashion. Front pony walks around on their front hooves, back pony holds the front ponies hind legs and walks around on their own hind legs. Like so:"
  4623. Twilight lifts you up so that you are standing on your forehooves. She makes sure to be careful with your sprained hooves, so you're pretty sure this'll work.
  4625. >"Front pony is responsible for kicking the ball. Any other rules we'll make up as we go. Any questions?"
  4627. Pinkie Pie raises a hoof.
  4629. ^"Ooh, ooh! Are there any rules on what rules we can make up?"
  4630. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4631. "Rules about making rules? That would defeat the point of Calvinball! There will be no such rules about what rules can be made up. Just be aware that your opponent can retaliate with equally ridiculous rules."
  4633. ^"That sounds a little confusing…"
  4635. "Just make it up as you go. There's no wrong way to play Calvinball."
  4637. ^"Oh, okay!"
  4639. And so you head outside with a ton of sports equipment, and set up a makeshift kickball field. The first few innings go fairly normal… if you could count the pony equivalent of a three legged race mixed with hoofball to be normal. After a while, things get a little weird, however. Cloudchaser is the first to make up a new rule: since the bases are frisbees, teams can either hit the ball or move a base by throwing it. Then after another inning, Pinkie Pie makes up a rule allowing a pony to run from second base to home without touching the third base, but only if they cartwheel the way through. And they still have to maintain the two-pony form. Needless to say, this does not end up happening very often, but Pinkie and Blossomforth managed to pull it off twice. They tried for a third time, but Pinkie ended up tripping over Blossom's wing.
  4641. A few more odd rules get tossed around for the sake of being tossed around, like letting players throw bases at other players to get them out. Another rule subsequently allows players to catch the base in their teeth to not only not get out, but also end up being safe at that base. The result is that today's game of Calvinball ends up resembling a mish-mash of Frisbee and kickball. But at least it's fun. And when the game is over, you're all exhausted. Unfortunately, this is also when most ponies have to go home.
  4643. In the end, you're left with Twilight, Blossomforth, and Pinkie Pie (who has nothing better to do, and also nowhere to stay for the night). The party is basically over, and the sun starting to dip down over the horizon. What will you do?
  4644. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4645. "Alright girls, I'm bored and exhausted. How about we go camping?"
  4647. Twilight raises an eyebrow.
  4649. >"A bit late to be heading out, don't you think?"
  4651. "Nah, I'm not talking about heading into the woods or anything, just like… set up a campfire in our backyard. Lay down and watch the stars, roast some smores and such."
  4653. >"Could be fun. Don't know how the other Ponyville residents will feel about us lighting fires within city limits, but at least we're on the edge of the town."
  4655. "Twilight, maybe one or two thousand ponies live here, tops. I don't think they're going to be that strict."
  4657. She shrugs.
  4659. >"Alright, guess I'll get some firewood."
  4661. Pinkie Pie brings you, Twilight, and Blossom into a surprise group hug.
  4663. ^"This is going to be so much fun. You know, I've got a tent, do you think we could have a sleepover?"
  4664. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4665. "Psh, nah. I was planning on having us all fall asleep on a raft in the river so that whoever shifted around in their sleep would fall into the water."
  4667. ^"Well that doesn't sound very fun."
  4669. "I'm joking. Of course we can have a sleepover in your tent."
  4671. Pinkie smiles. You spend the next half hour or so joking around with her and Blossom as Twilight scavenges for firewood. A little while in, Mama Velvet stops by to check up on you. You tell her about your plans to camp out for the night, and she says it's alright as long as you keep the fire from being too close to the tree. Fortunately, it is indeed on the edge of town, so you have plenty of room to camp out.
  4673. Twilight returns soon enough with a bundle of dry sticks, plus some marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate from inside the house. You each grab a stick for roasting marshmallows, and the rest are placed into a hastily constructed fire pit made with magic. Back in your younger days as a Boy Scout, you would have considered this cheating. Now, you're pretty sure all of the fun in camping comes from being outside with a bunch of friends. Fuck doing everything the hard way.
  4675. The darkness of night comes soon enough, and as you make your way through the bag of marshmallows eating smore after smore, you cannot help but gaze up at the moon, dotted with the face of who you're pretty sure is Princess Luna. You start to wonder about a few things. Will you ever get to meet her, or will you leave this world before she manages to make it back? Is she lonely up there? Does she ever get bored? Or does she even experience the passing of time at all?
  4677. You pass some of these questions off to your companions, whose responses are mixed. Twilight hopes to not have to face off against a returned Nightmare Moon herself, at least not without the Elements of Harmony - though you're not sure how those would be obtained, given that many of the events of the show have become impossible with her arrival in Ponyville this early. Blossom seems a bit more optimistic, thinking that maybe she could make Nightmare Moon not so evil by introducing her to slumber parties. Pinkie Pie has no idea what the hell any of you are talking about, but likes Blossom's idea.
  4679. As the night gets darker and colder, you soon retire into Pinkie Pie's tent, which she somehow managed to store in her tail. You're pretty sure that thing qualifies as a bag of holding, but you say nothing of it. The tent itself is a rather tight fit, but you manage to fit all four of you inside, with yourself sandwiched between Twilight and Blossom. Kept warm by your shared body heat, you slowly drift off to sleep…
  4681. . . .
  4683. You are in a black void. A familiar voice beckons to you, but you cannot place a name on it.
  4685. <"Ajna. Ajna, are you there? Have you succeeded in your quest?"
  4686. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4687. You look around to try and find where the voice is coming from, but can find nothing but the void. You can see your own hooves, so there must be some sort of light, but you can't exactly see where it is. The world around you is featureless and black. You decide to answer back into the void.
  4689. "New pone, who dis?"
  4691. <"So Ajna has succeeded. In that case, I will answer all of your questions in just a moment. But first, enlighten me. Who are you?"
  4692. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4693. "Who am I? I'm the one who knocks."
  4695. <"Cute. You're hesitant to give out your name. Is that why ponies call you Anonymous? Or, no wait, you shortened it to just Anon, didn't you? I don't think I'll bother asking if that is your real name or just another pseudonym."
  4697. You stay silent. It's entirely possible this is all just a dream, but it feels way too realistic. To your knowledge, only Luna can enter ponies' dreams, but she's trapped on the moon right now, and moreover, this voice doesn't sound like her. In any case, if all of this is real, you don't want to be showing all of your cards to a complete stranger that has the ability to enter your dreams.
  4699. <"Perhaps you're wondering how I learned that bit of information. Well…"
  4701. The black void is replaced in its entirety with the scenery of a downtown Manehatten shop. It is filled with miscellaneous knick knacks that you're pretty sure may have been bartered for at one point, and seem to have no common theme to suggest the nature of the shop, other than that it sells almost anything. There is a strong scent of incense in the air. A familiar pony walks into the shop - Lyra.
  4703. You try to interact with her to see what's up, but as it appears, the scene before you is more like a movie seen through another pony's eyes. You watch as Lyra asks the shopkeeper for something nice but inexpensive she could send to her friend from Canterlot as a souvenir. The shopkeeper, whose memories you seem to be inhabiting, responds by asking a few questions about you.
  4705. <"How would you describe your friend?"
  4707. >"Hmm… fun loving, and kind of mysterious. In a good way though."
  4709. <"And what does she look like?"
  4711. >"Uh, sort of a light green coat, black hair, green eyes."
  4713. <"Interesting, and what is her name?"
  4715. >"Anon."
  4717. <"One moment."
  4719. The shop keeper walks out of the room and up a flight of stairs into a hallway that you're pretty sure is full of ponies' living quarters. She opens one of the doors into a room that feels eerily familiar, takes a snowglobe off a desk, and brings it back downstairs, hoofing it over to Lyra.
  4721. <"Something tells me she'll like this."
  4723. >"Seems cool enough."
  4725. A few bits exchange hooves and Lyra heads out the door, with the snow globe in a bag. The memory ends after this, and you return to the black void. Two ponies stand before you. One is an Earth pony with a deep indigo coat and sky blue eyes whom you would presume to be the shop keeper, though you could only see her coat from the memory. The other pony, however, appears to be… yourself?
  4727. <"My name is Sahasrara, and this beautiful little filly standing next to me is Ajna, my daughter."
  4728. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4729. "You mind telling me what the hell I'm doing in your daughter's body? Is this some retarded form of reincarnation? Did I die? Am I now an Indian pony? Oh fuck, I'm an Indian, aren't I?"
  4731. <"I don't know what an 'Indian' is, but I can assure you, you're just a normal Earth pony. As to why you're here… we have no clue. Ajna left home a few weeks ago saying she had some sort of vision that she'd become a host to a guest from another world."
  4733. You turn your focus to Ajna, in hopes she has some better answers. More than anything, she looks a bit annoyed. You can't tell if that's because you're annoyed about not knowing why you're here, or because she's annoyed for something else.
  4735. >"Hey, I didn't exactly have a choice in the matter. It was either you showed up in my body in Manehatten or you show up in my body in Canterlot where the vision told me you were SUPPOSED to be. And for what it's worth, I'm kind of glad my parents didn't have to meet you in person given how much of a PERVERT you are. Seriously Anon, I don't even touch myself there, what the hell?"
  4736. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4737. "Wait, hold on. Are you saying you've been conscious this entire time?"
  4739. >"Well yes. When you took over my body, I got booted to the astral plane. I don't have much better to do than watch you attempt to defile literally all of your friends' bodies."
  4741. "Are their hosts all conscious too?"
  4743. >"They're in the astral plane with me. They don't spend every day watching the stupid shit their inhabitants do though. Twilight used to, but then she was absolutely mortified by that hot air balloon crap that she decided to stop bothering, and now just reads books over ponies' shoulders in the Canterlot library every day."
  4745. "Huh. And Blossom?"
  4747. >"Doesn't really care much what Hannah does. She was an orphan before, and as far as she's concerned, anything she does is an improvement on her life."
  4749. "I that all makes sense. Say, if you're supposed to be on the Astral plane, does that mean…"
  4751. You reach out a hoof to try and boop Ajna, only to be disappointed when it doesn't go right through her.
  4753. >"You're in the dream world, not the Astral plane. If you came onto the Astral plane, I'd be tempted to take my body back were it not for the fact that that would make you stranded and incapable of completing whatever mission it is you were sent here for."
  4755. "And what is that?"
  4757. >"Once again, not a clue. I have the power to tell the future, but I'm not omniscient. Neither is mom, by the way. She just likes to seem that way because she's a telepath."
  4759. <"And speaking of mind reading, I know what you're thinking of doing right now, and I ask that you not."
  4761. "Sorry lady, but the Dutchman demands it."
  4763. You proceed to spread your legs and rub your clit with your hoof as vigorously as possible in front of your filly doppleganger. She covers her eyes with her hooves as you gaze into them intently.
  4765. >"Fine, see what I care. You can find out how to find your remaining friend on your own."
  4767. . . .
  4769. You wake up surrounded by your friends, all still asleep in the tent. The sun is barely creeping its way up from the horizon. Despite it being the worst possible moment for it, you feel hornier than ever.
  4770. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4771. As quietly as possible, you step out of the tent and onto the wet grass. You're not sure if you remembered to put out the fire pit last night, but even if you didn't, whatever pegasus decided to set up a rain storm last night would have made sure it was put out. Even more wet than the grass beneath your feet, however, is your marehood, begging for your attention.
  4773. Fortunately, there don't appear to be any ponies outside yet, so you feel quite comfortable reaching a hoof back and rubbing your clit once more. You keep to an angle, however, so the only ponies that could ever spot what you were doing would be your friends in the tent - if they bothered to wake up, that is. You'd rather not wake them, so you try to keep yourself from moaning too loudly, which sadly isn't too easy. You have to hold your breath more or less as the soft tufts of fur along your fetlocks tickle your nethers more and more. It's like scratching an itch that won't go away, and yet the satisfaction of having scratched it never lets up. You try and imagine being with Ajna again, only this time, pinning her down and licking her all over in those places she's "never touched before." Hah! What does she know? If she hasn't claimed it, this pussy is all yours to play with as long as you want!
  4775. Well, not as long as you'd really want. Eventually you come to a stop as you hear a door out in the distance opening. Most ponies will be waking up soon, and while you could theoretically play with yourself all day, in practice, it would not make sense to keep touching yourself for much longer. At the very least, you feel as if you've got the most of your urges out of your system. You sit back down on the grass, and relax for a while.
  4777. The first pony to make it out of the tent, about ten minutes after your session of "embarass the hell out of your astral stalker," is Blossomforth. She yawns rather loudly and stretches out her legs before finally sitting down next to you.
  4779. >"You're up early. How's things? And also, what's that smell?"
  4780. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4781. This would be an excellent time to play "smell my finger"… if you still had fingers, that is. Unfortunately, you don't, and this isn't the kind of game to play with Blossomforth. You'd like to make your friendship less awkward, not more. Instead, you just shrug.
  4783. "I don't know, maybe an animal came by the tent?"
  4785. >"Weird."
  4787. "Welcome to camping, even if it is just outside the house."
  4789. >"I wonder what kind of animals Equestria has that roam around at night."
  4791. "Probably the same ones we see back on Earth. At least here in Ponyville. No clue what all's going to be in the Everfree though."
  4793. >"Having never been dumb enough to wander off there, I'd have no clue either."
  4795. You lay back and turn your sights towards the Everfree forest. Though you've been in Ponyville for about two weeks, you haven't bothered to visit it yet. It's probably for the better, since you - like Blossomforth - are not that much of an idiot. You know there's no zebra hut to take shelter in if some magical beast gets to you, or if you need a cure for poison joke. The forest could very easily kill you, although you can't help but wonder what mysteries lie inside.
  4797. Not too much later, Twilight and Pinkie Pie emerge from the tent, which is quickly broken down and stored back in Pinkie's tail. You still don't know how the hell that thing works, but you're pretty sure if you tried to test it under lab conditions, you'd go insane. With your campsite cleaned up, the four of you head back inside for breakfast. Halfway through your meal, Pinkie Pie decides to make an announcement.
  4799. ^"So I'm thinking about staying here in Ponyville. I'm not sure where I'm gonna stay though."
  4800. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4801. "You could try bugging the Apple family and asking if you could stay there. I'm sure they could use an extra farm hoof."
  4803. ^"But I just left a farm."
  4805. "Was it an apple farm?"
  4807. ^"No, it was a rock farm. But a farm is still a farm. I want my own place."
  4809. "Well, our place is full up, and I'm pretty sure as much as Blossom would love to steal you away into her room, I don't think Ms. Cake is up for having extra guests."
  4811. >"She isn't, but I could hide her in my closet."
  4813. "That's not a long term solution, Blossom."
  4815. ^"I could try to build my own house and live in a tent until then."
  4817. "Do you even know how to build a house?"
  4819. ^"No, but maybe if I had some friends who could help…"
  4820. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4821. "Well, we could try and build you a treehouse somewhere. It wouldn't be as spacious as this place, but if we find a big enough tree, we could make a nice comfy room at the top. And you could maybe expand on it later when you need, say, a kitchen."
  4823. Twilight glances over at you, looking thoroughly unimpressed.
  4825. >"I'd hate to be the smartass here, but aren't you missing a few other things with a treehouse? Like, oh I don't know, a bathroom? How about insulation? In case you weren't aware, Ponyville gets rather cold during the winter. Or could you not feel me shivering in my sleep last night from the windchill coming into the tent?"
  4827. "Well shit. What can we do?"
  4829. >"Get her a job first, then we can get some friends to help build her a house. I'm pretty sure Applejack knows a thing or two about construction on top of apple farming."
  4831. She goes back to eating her breakfast. Though she was right about Pinkie needing a job, with Blossom having taken the role of baker's apprentice, you are left to wonder what Pinkie can do while in Ponyville.
  4832. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4833. "Well, let's see here, she could be a comedian…"
  4835. >"Because Ponyville needs a starving artist."
  4837. "A party planner…"
  4839. >"That's a side job. How many parties do you think this town is going to have in a year?"
  4841. "Shit. How about a private investigator?"
  4843. >"Is she actually qualified for that? Does Ponyville even have many crimes worth investigating?"
  4845. "Well, I mean she could always become a psychologist. Pretty sure anyone could do that, no experience necessary."
  4847. >"Okay, that's it."
  4849. Twilight gets out of her chair and walks over to you, lifting you out of your seat and into her lap, ass up. She then proceeds to swat you several times on your flank with her hoof.
  4851. >"Don't you dare insult the noble profession of psychology. Bad Anon!"
  4852. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4853. "Ha! You touched my butt. Do you have any idea where that thing's been?"
  4855. >"No, and I honestly don't want to know."
  4857. She gets up and heads back to her seat, shoveling more food into her face to try and forget what you just said.
  4859. "Hey, I didn't say stop!"
  4861. Blossomforth and Pinkie Pie both giggle at your responses.
  4863. >"Awww, is Nonny into spankings?"
  4865. "Maybe I am. Care to find out, Blossom?"
  4867. >"Eww, god no."
  4869. "That's what I thought. Now let's see… how about a dentist?"
  4871. Twilight glances over at you, still unimpressed.
  4873. >"And how would you like to be her first customer, Ms. 'Hasn't Brushed Her Teeth Since Arriving in Equestria'?"
  4875. "Yeah, no thanks on that idea. Fuck. Is there much of anything she can do here?"
  4877. >"Not really, it's a small town. And the problem with small towns is that they tend to stay small. Big cities get bigger and more expensive all the time, because there's job opportunities, so ponies move there, so there become more job opportunities. Meanwhile in a small town, there's not much to do other than farm or serve farmers in some way. It's basically a curse."
  4879. ^"So what if I brought a WHOLE bunch of ponies over to Ponyville? Do you think I could make it a place a whole bunch of ponies would want to live in?"
  4881. >"Well maybe, but I don't think…"
  4883. ^"Then I know what I'm going to do. From this day forward, I am appointing myself Ponyville's official director of marketing, and I'm going to travel Equestria, convincing ponies to move here. If it becomes a big enough attraction, everypony will want to live here, and everypony who wants to live here will have something to do!"
  4885. >"Pinkie, do you even know the first thing about marketing a city?"
  4887. ^"Of course I do! I'm the director of marketing, silly!"
  4888. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4889. "Sounds pretty cool, Pinkie. Ponyville's a great place and it could use more visitors. You should be careful if you're on the road a lot though. Equestria's got some pretty scary monsters out there."
  4891. ^"Oh don't worry, I'll be fine. I don't plan on recruiting ponies in the Everfree Forest, silly."
  4893. "Yeah, but…"
  4895. It suddenly occurs to you that for all of the dangers out in Equestria, most seem to be away from the more populated areas. Well, except for all of the trouble you experienced in Canterlot from changelings, but you're pretty sure they're trying to keep a low profile. Although now that you think about it some more, you'd really rather she not invite THEM to Ponyville if you could avoid it.
  4897. "Stay away from any ponies with bright green eyes that can either transform into other ponies or make you suddenly have holes in your memory. Those are changelings, and they're really mean."
  4899. Pinkie gives you a confused look for a few moments, and then shrugs.
  4901. ^"Okie dokie lokie!
  4903. You hope she'll be safe. She probably will. She did, after all, make it all the way here from her parents' rock farm, which is quite a way's away. Maybe you're just being paranoid.
  4905. . . .
  4907. Just to be safe, you slip into your psychic vision, to try and see if anything will happen to her. Instead, all you see is her throwing a party a few years from now over having doubled the population of Ponyville. All of your friends are with you, including Lyra and Coco. You look around to see if you can find your final group member, but she's no where to be seen. Suddenly, a wing taps you on the shoulder.
  4909. >"Looking for me, cunt?"
  4911. You turn around in a flash to see who it is, only for Pinkie to jump out of nowhere and pie you in the face before you can get a good look at your friend.
  4913. ^"Spoilers, Anon!"
  4915. . . .
  4917. Your vision fades. She'll be fine.
  4918. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4919. "Okay then. I take it you have everything you'll need for your mission? Bananas? Pies? Bicycle Horn? Official Ponyville Marketer badge?"
  4921. ^"I have everything I could ever need on me at all times."
  4923. She demonstrates her point by producing a banana out from behind your ear. A thought strikes your mind that with Pinkie Pie's mastery of Looney Toons level physics, she could easily make a better show magician than Trixie if she set her mind to it. This thought is quashed fairly quickly, however, as you realize that her seeming omnipotence extends only to when it is convenient to the plot, and she is not literally God. At the very least, however, it is comforting to know that bad things simply do not happen to Pinkie Pie.
  4925. After you finish breakfast, you are left with a bit of an awkward silence, followed by Blossom throwing her hooves around Pinkie Pie. She looks a bit sad, but she refrains from crying. Pinkie is going to have to leave soon.
  4926. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4927. "Pinkie, wait here one minute."
  4929. You bolt out the door and down the street, making your way to Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie's going to need one last cupcake for good luck. Unfortunately, when you finally make it to the door, you find that it's closed. Apparently Ms. Cake has gone out to buy more ingredients today, though she'll be back this afternoon. Far too late to order a cupcake. You run back home as quickly as you can, so you won't miss Pinkie out the door.
  4931. "How is Sugarcube Corner not open? I need a cupcake right this minute!"
  4933. Pinkie Pie pulls a cupcake out from behind her back.
  4935. ^"Here you go!"
  4937. "Thank you, Pinkie."
  4939. You proceed to boop her nose with the tip of the cupcake, covering it in frosting, which you then lick off her nose. You then give her back the cupcake. She doesn't seem to understand what in the world you meant by this, but accepts the cupcake back anyways and eats it.
  4941. ^"You're a weird filly, you know that?"
  4943. "And you're a weird Pinkie Pie. But it's alright, cause you're our friend."
  4945. You toss your hooves around her in a big hug, which Blossom quickly joins in on, followed by Twilight.
  4947. "Be sure to come back soon enough when you've managed to recruit a few ponies. And write if you're going to be away for long."
  4949. ^"Don't worry, I will. You'll never be too far away from me, I promise."
  4951. It's hard to let her go, but eventually you have to. A while after that, Blossom manages to let go too, leaving Pinkie free to head out. She says one final goodbye, and before you know it, she's gone. Off into the unknown to find new Ponyville residents. You can't help but wonder where she'll go first. All you know is that wherever she's going, she's going to succeed in her task.
  4953. And now you are left with two of your friends and a Sunday to kill.
  4954. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4955. "So, Pinkie's gone. You two guys feel like crying under the bed for the next few hours?"
  4957. Twilight rolls her eyes and walks over to the couch, grabbing a book off a nearby shelf with her magic as she sits down.
  4959. >"Yeah, I've actually got more important things to do, like researching the spells that are going to turn me into the Amelia Earhart of unicorns. Failing that, I'm going to need to find a way to get another hot air balloon. Besides, Pinkie's probably not going to be gone for too long. I'm sure she'll find the time to visit the town she's allegedly trying to advertise."
  4961. "Well rats. How about you, Blossom?"
  4963. >"To be honest, much as I am pretty bummed out that she's gone… it's kind of like ripping off a band-aid. Now that she's left, I just can't cry over it anymore. I think I'd rather go play Frisbee. You can join if you'd like."
  4964. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4965. "Eh, fine. I don't have anything better to do today."
  4967. You follow Blossom to the park with one of the Frisbees leftover from yesterday's Calvinball game. It is chilly and overcast outside, which makes you feel just a little bit depressed. That and the fact that there aren't too many ponies around. As afternoon approaches, however, you bump into Flitter, Cloudchaser, and Thunderlane, out for their usual hacky sack game, which makes you feel just a little bit better, knowing that you're around more friends.
  4969. It feels a bit weird to think about the fact that since you've come to Equestria, you crave being around friends more and more. Being around just Twilight or Blossom is okay, but having a group of friends to chat and play games with makes your day seem just that much brighter. Or it might just be the fact that the clouds are starting to clear up, and the increased sunlight beating down on your back is increasing your dopamine levels, which you are falsely interpreting as a form of extroversion. You hope it's the former; friends are a nice thing to have.
  4971. Over the next few hours, you manage to drag your friends into an impromptu game of Frisbee golf, which Thunderlane ends up winning somehow. He uses his victory to try and get another kiss from Blossom, which earns him only a scowl from her, and a consolation kiss from his two girlfriends. You conclude that perhaps, he may never change, or at least not anytime soon. Still, it's worth giggling at his silly attempts, so you do.
  4973. Eventually, it starts to get dark, and you find yourself having to head home. Blossom does too, as apparently her regular duties at Sugarcube Corner involve baking treats at 6 in the morning for ponies who come in at 8 for muffins and coffee. You make a mental note to never accuse her of being lazy.
  4975. When you open the door to the tree house, the smell of pizza wafts through your nostrils. It must be Cadance's turn to cook today.
  4976. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4977. You run into the kitchen as quickly as you can and throw your hooves around Cadance in the tightest hug you've ever given a pony.
  4979. <"Well you sure seem anxious to see me. What's up, Anon?"
  4981. "You made pizza!"
  4983. She laughs a little and noogies your head.
  4985. <"Is that all? Because it's gonna be out in like five minutes. Or did you secretly miss me?"
  4986. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4987. "No, you!"
  4989. <"What do you mean, 'no, you?' Are you implying I was the one who was missing you? Don't be preposterous, you're a little monster."
  4991. "You're the one who's preposterous, you tsundere heart-butt."
  4993. <"And just what is that supposed to mean?"
  4995. "Oh I don't know, it's your turn to cook and you just happen to make me one of my favorite foods? You can't get enough of me."
  4997. <"Oh please. I'm like the worst cook in Equestria. I make pizza because I suck at everything else."
  4999. "Well damn, Shiny's gonna be seriously disappointed when he marries you. The cute trophy wife that can't cook? That's got to be rough!"
  5001. <"Shiny has no tastebuds, and I can prove it. Name your least favorite dish, and I can get him to eat it."
  5002. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5003. "Liverwurst on saltines."
  5005. Cadance blinks, completely unphased by your suggestion.
  5007. <"Well, there's no meat markets here in Ponyville, but he has eaten meat before."
  5009. "Yeah, but liverwurst is like… the grossest meat you can imagine."
  5011. <"And as I just told you, he has no sense of taste. If you get me liverwurst, I can get him to eat it."
  5013. You make a mental note to consider doing just that, assuming it's not illegal to slaughter pigs for their meat in Ponyville. Really, you ought to check the local ordinances for these kinds of things, because so far the only place you've seen meat being consumed was in the Canterlot castle.
  5015. Your thought is quickly interrupted by a loud ding from the oven. The pizza is done. Cadance pulls it out and sets it on top of the stove to cool. It seems to be some combination of mushrooms, olives, and tons of cheese, which you somehow can't help but find mouthwatering despite the lack of meat. You still aren't sure how you really feel about your tastes changing ever since becoming a pony.
  5017. <"How about you go set the table, Anon?"
  5018. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5019. You grab a stack of plates from the cabinet and head out into the living room to set up the table. As you do, you notice Twilight seems to be alone, so you decide to bring up a topic that had been at the back of your mind for a while.
  5021. "Hey Twi, you're from Virginia, right? You ever spend much time around DC?"
  5023. >"Uhh… yes?"
  5025. "Well there's this pizza place up there called Comet Ping Pong. Ever heard of it?"
  5027. >"Vaguely."
  5029. "Well if you ever make it back to Earth, you probably shouldn't take your kids there. They've got a bunch of pedos raping children in the basement."
  5031. >"Ugh, no they're not. It's a CIA front. We set up a bunch of politicians with some midget actors that we tell them are children, and then film it and use it as blackmail to get them to keep increasing our black budget. No children are harmed in the process. Although the owner of the store IS a massive creep and I keep my kids far the fuck away from him."
  5033. It takes you a minute to fully process everything Twilight just said.
  5035. "Did you just say we?"
  5037. >"…Shit."
  5038. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5039. "Wow, you must be a very terrible spy to be letting me know that."
  5041. She rolls her eyes.
  5043. >"I'm actually not a spy; I'm an analyst. And to be honest, I'm not even sure if we'll make it back to Earth anyways, so I'm not too worried about sharing the worst kept secret in the CIA. Seriously, most secrets are supposed to be compartmentalized, but that one just gets passed around the office like a playground rumor about who's been kissing who. Pretty much anyone with a clearance in the DC area knows it, and we all stay silent about it because we're all in on the black budget."
  5045. "Damn. Paints a new picture for me. CIA sounds more like a massive organized crime syndicate than a supposed intelligence agency."
  5047. >"I mean, I'm pretty sure the fact that we've sold a fuck ton of drugs and guns has been declassified. We're basically the mob, except we also spy on people and prepare a nice little briefing document for the president that he doesn't always read."
  5049. "You ever thrown anyone out of an aircraft?"
  5051. >"Do hot air balloons count? Because I'm pretty sure you know what happened to Fizzlepop."
  5053. "Yeah, what DID happen to her? You don't strike me as the type to just straight up murder a pony."
  5055. >"Well, not all of us ex-humans came from the same point in time. Fizzlepop was a Soviet from the 1950s. I don't like commies."
  5057. "Enough to kill them?"
  5059. >"You know how I said I was an analyst? I watch North Korean TV and analyze spy reports from the region. They're all fucked in the head. The only good communist is a dead one."
  5061. Before you can get another word in, Cadance comes into the room and calls the rest of the family to the table. Dinner is served.
  5062. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5063. The whole family gathers around the table rather quickly to eat. It never ceases to amaze you how you've come to live with such a large, tight-knit family, especially considering that neither you nor Cadance are biologically related to the rest, but have come to be valued just the same, though for different reasons - you as an adopted daughter, and her as a future daughter in law. Wait, wouldn't that make her your sister? Or, well, future adopted sister in law?
  5065. You try not to think about it too much. All that really matters is that she makes damn good pizza, and that she looked away that one time you had cocktails with Twilight. Speaking of whom, for a pony who claims to have only worked as an analyst for the CIA, the more you think about it, the more she has all the skills of a spy. The way she manipulated Cadance, the way she attempted murder without remorse, the way she just… handled the changeling situation with you. You don't remember Twilight from the show having a spell that projects words onto walls and makes them disappear as needed. The same goes for her forced memory transfer spell. If she was truly only pushing papers and writing up reports at the CIA, you get the feeling that they were seriously under-utilizing her resourcefulness.
  5067. As you chew away at your pizza, you find yourself gazing into the cold, violet eyes of the filly in question. Perhaps Twilight has been telling the truth all along. Maybe she's not a spy after all, instead having turned slowly into a sociopath over the years. She's been in Equestria longer than any of the other Earthlings, and yet she is the most detached from the world. You're pretty sure you don't want to eat meat again as a filly given your last experience, and yet she did it willingly, knowing full well what it would do. She doesn't even seem that well attached to the rest of her family, or even to her supposed goal of making more friends than you in Ponyville. Perhaps she's given up hope entirely, and the pony you're staring at has been reduced to a broken husk.
  5069. Your train of thought snaps as she suddenly flashes you a warm smile.
  5071. >"Whatcha thinking about, Anon?"
  5072. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5073. "Whether I should be calling you a sociopath or a psychopath. You're clearly too intelligent and manipulative to be the former."
  5075. Your comment seems to catch the whole family off guard. Shining looks like he's about to say something, but stops as he hears Twilight laugh.
  5077. >"Anon, do you even know what either of those terms mean?"
  5079. "Uhhh…"
  5081. When you think about it, you aren't entirely sure what the formal definitions of a sociopath and a psychopath are. You're just pretty sure that the psychopath is the more extreme version.
  5083. >"Thought so. Well, for starters, they're both two terms that refer to the same thing disorder. They characterize a pony who is impulsive, irresponsible, and with complete disregard for a society's laws. They can be manipulative, but more specifically, they are often compulsive liars. Tell me, when have you ever seen me lie?"
  5085. You try to think back on that question long and hard. The most obvious instance you want to think of is when Cadance caught her drinking, but her response was… that she can neither confirm nor deny. Standard CIA response for anything they don't want to answer. Technically, it's not a lie. She gave a bunch of hypotheticals, but never said they were true.
  5087. Maybe she lied further back? What about the changeling incident? No, she actually stayed rather silent back then. Your thoughts drift back to a little after that point, when Cadance asked her where she learned to cook. Her answer was actually Earth, albeit phrased in the most poetic manner possible.
  5089. "I can't think of a time."
  5091. >"That's because I don't like to tell lies. And while you may say I'm manipulative, that just means I know the right things to say, at the right moments, to the right ponies, to get the right results. I think that might describe Princess Celestia too though. Do you think she's a psychopath?"
  5093. "Obviously not."
  5095. >"Then perhaps you should reconsider making back-hooved insults towards me while complimenting my intelligence if you don't know what you're talking about."
  5096. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5097. "I'm… sorry. I guess I'm just autistic or something."
  5099. >"There you go again with that medical terminology."
  5101. "Look, can we just cuddle and make up or something? I don't think I really wanted to insult you; it was just the first thing that came to my mind."
  5103. >"Do you want to talk about it? After dinner, of course. And preferably not where we have an audience."
  5105. She casts a glance over at Cadance, who seems to be snickering for some reason.
  5107. <"What, am I not allowed to enjoy a little drama with my meal? You two can get so cute at times."
  5109. >"You really don't have anything better to do these days, do you?"
  5111. <"Not really. Ponyville's honestly a bit boring. It needs some entertainment."
  5113. You can almost taste the irony in the fact that just earlier today, you ended up sending off Pinkie Pie off to bring more ponies to Ponyville, when she could have played the part of Cadance's royal jester perfectly. But oh well, maybe the investment will be worth it, and the town will become a lot less boring for Cadance.
  5115. Your train of thought is interrupted by a pair of hooves wrapped around you. They're Twilight's. She seems to have finished her pizza while you're still nibbling away at the last of the crust.
  5117. >"Hey you, want to talk?"
  5118. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5119. "You know, I think I would…"
  5121. You quickly finish up the rest of your pizza and stare Cadance in the eyes as you emphasize your next words
  5123. "in private."
  5125. Twilight leads you down into your room and shuts the door behind you. She sits down on the bed, and offers you a spot next to her, where she promptly wraps a pair of hooves around you.
  5127. >"Alright, so what's eating you, Anon? Is it the whole, 'throwing Fizzlepop out of a weather balloon' thing, or do you just not like spooks? I can understand if it's either of those."
  5128. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5129. "It's the CIA thing. I don't really care if you throw communists out of aircraft. In fact, the next time you're planning on doing that, invite me so I can help."
  5131. >"Well, I don't think the same trick is going to work on Fizzlepop twice, and I don't know of any other communists in Equestria, so I'm pretty sure I won't be doing any of that shit in the future."
  5133. "Rats. Wait, what if another communist comes to Equestria."
  5135. >"Hopefully we'll be out of here by the time that has a chance to happen. Let somepony else deal with their nonsense."
  5137. "So much for you being the super sexy secret agent."
  5139. >"I was an analyst! It was a glorified desk job mixed with throwing recommendations into the president's daily brief so he could subsequently ignore it."
  5141. "Was President Trump really that bad?"
  5143. >"Trump? When I left, Obama was president. And granted, he was better at Bush in terms of reading things, but he still seemed to ignore pretty much everything we had to say about the North Koreans. It was like he was pretending they don't even exist."
  5145. "When I left, Trump was calling Kim Jong Un 'Little Rocket Man' in front of the UN."
  5147. Twilight looks unsure whether to be mortified or burst into laughter.
  5149. >"You know, I'm pretty sure when I get home, if two years have actually passed, then I'm not going to be able to continue working at the CIA. But if I could, I would just like to see the looks on everybody's faces as they tear their hair out over the new guy."
  5151. "Would you still want to work for them if you could? Aren't they basically corruption incarnate?"
  5153. >"Well yeah. The pay and the benefits are good, and somebody has to keep an eye on 'Little Rocket Man'. The world back home is a dangerous place. If you think the CIA is the only corrupt agency out there, or even the most, you're sorely mistaken. We don't always make the most moral of decisions, but we do them for the right reasons. If you have three world powers all interested in overthrowing a sovereign government, that government is not going to get a say in the matter. The only thing you can hope is that America wins because we're the least fucked up of the bunch. If I had any semblance of sanity, I'd stay here in Equestria, where at least it seems that evil does not have its hooves in the pockets of every position of power, but I've got family at home in that wretched hive of villainy, and I don't want them to have to live through it all alone."
  5155. She looks like she's about to cry.
  5156. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5157. Instinctively, you turn around and throw your hooves around Twilight, holding her tight against you. You stay there like that for an awkward amount of time before you finally start to speak.
  5159. "Hey, it's gonna be alright, you know? We're gonna get through this, we're gonna get you home, and you're gonna see them again. And while you're away from your post, I'm sure there's a lot of patriots to hold down the fort."
  5161. >"I suppose that's true. And… thanks. It's funny, I brought you down here so you could tell me what all's on your mind, and I ended up being the one to vent."
  5163. "It's fine. You know if you need help relieving some of that pent up stress…"
  5165. She laughs.
  5167. >"In your dreams, filly."
  5169. "Well it was worth a shot."
  5171. >"Honestly, Anon. You need to get laid."
  5173. "Well, when you find out a way for that to even be physically possible, let me know."
  5175. >"I wouldn't know what to tell you. If nobody in Ponyville is on the market, you'll just have to look for love in another town. Maybe we can go exploring sometime. Or maybe Pinkie will bring you back a fillyfriend."
  5177. "Or maybe I'll have to try harder with the fillies here."
  5179. >"Bad idea. It'll just make you look like a creep, and possibly overlook actual opportunities when they wink their sweet horse pussy right in front of your eyes."
  5181. You almost start to drool at the image Twiliht put into your head, so she playfully hoofs you in the shoulder.
  5183. >"So… how many nanoseconds into arriving in Equestria did it take to make you sexually attracted to horses?"
  5184. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5185. "You strongly underestimate me, Twiggles."
  5187. She raises an eyebrow, seemingly intrigued.
  5189. "I became sexually attracted to horses the instant I came to Equestria. Before I even knew I was here. I was dreaming of eating horse pussy while I was asleep in the castle. It was practically all I could think about when I first saw Princess Celestia."
  5191. >"Well that doesn't surprise me. So is the princess your type?"
  5193. "Whose type isn't she? Those fucking thighs, Twi. She's literally a goddess."
  5195. >"Okay, better question. Is there any pony who isn't your type?"
  5197. "Well I mean, not a stallion…"
  5199. >"Which is why you tried to fuck my brother on your first day here, right?"
  5201. "I did?"
  5203. >"Oh no, you're not gonna pull that memory loss crap on me. I literally pounded that image into your head. It fucking hurt too. Face it, you've got massive cocklust."
  5205. "Oh come on, that was ONE time. I was curious. I mean, if you woke up with a penis one day, wouldn't you want to fuck a woman?"
  5207. >"Did you forget the fact that I'm married? Plus, I have standards anyways. I like strong guys. It would be pretty difficult for a girl to turn me on. You, on the other hand… I'm convinced you'd fuck anything with a pulse!"
  5209. "Psh, not even."
  5211. >"Are you saying if I found you a nice, attractive colt or stallion, that you wouldn't want his throbbing, veiny horse cock deep inside you? I'm sure you remember from watching Cadance and Shiny that stallions can last just as long as humans can, unlike on Earth. But they're a lot… thicker."
  5213. She makes sure to place extra emphasis on that last word, and your mind is flooded with images that you're not sure if you want to think about. You're also incredibly wet.
  5214. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5215. Fuck Twilight, and fuck her mind games. You're not going to give her the satisfaction of thinking she's made you into a faggot of some sort. No, you're gonna be a pure lesbian in this world, and you're going to love it.
  5217. "Like I said, not even. I'll be perfectly content to have a cute fillyfriend to shove unreasonably large objects into me. I neither need, nor want, any horsecock inside of me."
  5219. To your surprise, Twilight actually smiles at your response.
  5221. >"Excellent. Now you know why my sexuality is uncompromising."
  5223. "Oh darn, and here I was hoping you'd be willing to help me out with some of those toys Lyra sent me."
  5225. >"So you want me to shove your boyfriend's wood deep into your tight, voracious cunt?"
  5227. You feel a deep, primal need to scream something to the degree of "REE" at the top of your lungs.
  5229. "Lyra's a girl dammit! And she's not my lover."
  5231. >"She's as much a girl as you are. And of course she's not. She's just the one responsible for every orgasm you've had thus far in the bathroom. So I guess that makes her your roadside ho?"
  5233. "I'm going to tell her you said that."
  5235. >"Lyra has a sense of humor. I'm sure she'll be okay with it when she hears my side of the story. Besides, I can make other implications too. Maybe something with Thunderlane… Or do you have some sort of fetish for having your sexuality called into question?"
  5236. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5237. "Goddamn Twi, could you knock off the bants? You're making me seriously consider taking a vow of celibacy."
  5239. She seems taken aback.
  5241. >"That bad? Alright, alright, I'll lay off. You are fun to tease though."
  5243. "You went awful quick from being sad about your family to teasing me about being gay."
  5245. She shrugs.
  5247. >"Well, laughter is the very best medicine, and you gave me the opportunity, so I rolled with it. I also appreciate sarcasm and situational irony."
  5249. "And we're positive I'm not talking to the real Twilight Sparkle? Because I distinctly remember her being a little bit sarcastic, at least in the early episodes. She was also pretty much an introvert up until she came to Ponyville."
  5251. >"And lo, I've been pretending to be her for two years so I don't get sent out on my ass."
  5253. "Point noted."
  5255. You lay your back against the wall and try to think of something else to say, but come up fairly blank.
  5257. >"So…"
  5259. "Hrm?"
  5261. >"Any plans for the rest of the evening?"
  5262. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5263. "Hape."
  5265. >"Hate?"
  5267. "No, HAPE."
  5269. >"Vape? I don't think we have a hookah, Anon."
  5271. "No, Twilight, HAPE. H. A. P. E."
  5273. She takes a few moments to try and figure out what the hell you're talking about, only to find herself even more confused.
  5275. >"What the hell does that mean?"
  5277. "It's a word I made up. I don't know what it means. But it's what I've decided to do tonight."
  5279. >"Oooookay then. Well whatever the heck that is, do you think you could use that to distract mom and dad while I make us up a couple of cocktails? Cause I'm bored and I've hit a wall in researching that flight spell. I can pick it up tomorrow, but I don't want to do any more work tonight. What do you say?"
  5280. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5281. "Sure, just let me do a quick field test."
  5283. >"A what?"
  5285. Before she can say anything more, you quickly throw your hooves around your adopted sister and squeeze as hard as you can.
  5287. "Huuuuuuuuggggg raaaaapppppppeee"
  5289. She struggles to get many words out.
  5291. >"You're… crushing… me…"
  5293. You finally let go, and she takes a few seconds to try and catch her breath and collect herself.
  5295. >"Okay, now go do that with mom and dad, and I can make us some drinks. Do you have any preferences?"
  5297. "Make me a Moscow mule. Make sure it's served in a disgusting copper cup."
  5299. >"I might be able to make something like that."
  5301. You each head upstairs with your tasks at hand. As Twilight sneaks off into the kitchen, you head up to Velvet and Night Light's bed to surprise them with a tackle hug. This might have been a bit more appreciated had they not been laying down, and had it not been a flying tackle hug. But how can they blame you? You're a cute little filly after all! The cutest distraction that a pony could ever ask for.
  5303. A few minutes later in mid-cuddle you see Twilight out of the corner of your eye carrying a bloody mary and what looks like a copper teapot down to the basement.
  5304. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5305. At the sight of Twilight with your drinks, you immediately cease hugging and head back downstairs. When you reach the basement, Twilight hands you the teapot, explaining that there are no copper cups in the house, so this is the next best thing. Otherwise, the drink inside should approximate a Moscow mule per your request.
  5307. You clink your respective drink containers together and say "cheers" before guzzling down an amount of vodka that is probably not healthy for fillies (no amount is). The next think you know, in a display of drunken brilliance, you both end up acting out about half of the scenes from the movie Back to the Future, with Twilight as Doc Brown, and yourself as Marty McFly, and both of you acting out bit parts. Of course, your only audience is yourselves, and at some point, you end up knocking yourselves out.
  5309. During your sleep, you have no dreams and no visions. You just have the pleasant experience of waking up to a loudly snoring Twilight sprawled out and laying across you, with half of her body falling off the bed. As you try to play back the events in your head, you feel as though the entire night took place in an instant. Fucking Russians and their booze.
  5310. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5311. You reach for your phone to try and take compromising pictures of your very passed out and hungover friend, only to remember that you don't have a phone, or even a regular camera. You have no means of capturing Twilight in her most embarrassing of moments, and you certainly cannot Instagram it, as no such service exists in Equestria. Reluctantly, you opt to do the right thing and pull her up from falling off the bed, and toss a blanket over her.
  5313. …okay, you're also going to give her the biggest filly hug ever, because you can, and because she's the best drinking buddy ever. Even if, hold on… ow ow fuck goddammit! Your head is killing you. Maybe you shouldn't drink vodka as a filly? Nah, fuck that. You'll drink whenever you damn well feel like it! But a hangover cure would be real nice right now.
  5315. Twilight would be perfect for this kind of thing. She can make a mean greasy egg breakfast. But she's so peacefully sleeping. Your eyes are almost transfixed by the blanket slowly moving up and down with her breath. But your head still hurts.
  5317. What do?
  5318. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5319. Twilight can sleep for now. You don't need to stuff your face with her greasy eggs. Actually, if you're being smart, you could probably go for some water right now. Right after you piss out all of that booze you just drank, that is.
  5321. You quietly make your way up the stairs and towards the bathroom. As you make it out of the basement, you come to realize that it's actually pretty early. The sunlight is starting to make its way through the windows, but nobody else in the house has woken up yet. After relieving yourself and questioning why you've been cursed to never be able to stand up to pee again, you head into the kitchen and grab the biggest cup you can, and fill it up with water, chugging it as you make your way back downstairs into your room.
  5323. Twi's still asleep. You probably could catch some z's for about a half hour more before you'd absolutely have to be up to get ready for school. Or you could just accept being awake for now and find something to do.
  5325. What do?
  5326. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5327. You place the rest of your water cup on a nearby nightstand in hopes that Twilight will find it when she eventually wakes up, and then promptly faceplant onto the bed. Though you probably won't get any sleep, you can at least get a little bit of rest. And while you're at it, you can probably mess with Twilight too, at least just a little. To do this, you position your face just below her thigh and use it as a pillow. If she has a dirty enough mind, she might think you were doing things to her in her sleep.
  5329. Unfortunately, this ends up waking her up, as you can tell from her sudden stirring. She ends up shoving your face aside and rolling over… on top of you. And then she takes to falling back asleep, once again foiling your plans. You'd like to one up her on this, but you're pretty much pinned under her until she wakes up, so you decide to take a nap after all.
  5331. In your sleep, you see Ajna, but only for a second. She calls you a faggot, and then you wake up to the sound of Twilight falling off the bed. This is followed by the cup of water falling off the nightstand and spilling out onto the floor right next to her face. Perhaps not the best way to wake up, but at least the cup was wooden, so there's no shards of broken glass to deal with.
  5332. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5333. "Whoa, sorry about that Twi. You alright?"
  5335. Twilight is silent. She takes a look around the room to try and get a sense of what just happened, and then finally shrugs.
  5337. >"I dreamt I was on Earth again… only to find that we were in the middle of a nuclear war. Thank God I'm not the psychic one here, right?"
  5339. "Yeah…"
  5341. You try to imagine what Earth is like right now, only to come up with blanks. You're not sure whether or not your psychic powers can extend to telling you what is going on in other planets, or if this is just another case of you not fully understanding how to tap into them. Either way, you surmise that it's probably the same as it always was - slowly stagnating with every passing minute.
  5343. >"And yeah, I'm fine."
  5345. She stands up and strains out the water from her mane back into the cup, which she carries with her as she slowly trudges up the stairs. The weekend is over, and now you have school to get back to, and she has reading to get back to. Not that she wasn't reading on the weekend, that is. It's as if she doesn't know what the word "break" means. You briefly contemplate whether that makes her your equal and opposite, since you don't know the meaning of the word "work".
  5347. And then you remember you had a homework assignment due today that you completely forgot about.
  5348. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5349. This isn't the first time you've had to do homework at the last minute. Back on Earth, when you were still in grade school, you made a habit out of doing all of your homework on the bus. If you couldn't finish it by the time you got to class then, well, you were getting whatever partial credit your teacher was willing to throw at your mercy. You're pretty sure this is why you didn't do so well in college. How you managed to get accepted in the first place was beyond you, but you ended up dropping out just the same. And so as you pull out your homework at the table as you start to eat your breakfast, you silently thank the Lord that you only have to deal with some basic algebra… only to question a minute later how it is that you forgot the quadratic formula.
  5351. It takes you all the way through breakfast, struggling to remember the equation, before you finally start to give up. What exactly was it again? B squared plus or minus the square root of… no, that's not right. In a rage, you toss your papers back into your backpack, drawing the attention of Twilight.
  5353. >"Having issues?"
  5355. "Forgot the stupid quadratic formula."
  5357. >"Opposite b, plus or minus square root of b squared minus four a times c, all over 2 times a."
  5359. "I… what?"
  5361. She writes it out for you, and you promptly plant your hoof straight into your face.
  5363. >"Been a while?"
  5365. "Way too fucking long. And math was actually my good subject."
  5367. >"It was my worst. Turns out you need to understand it to a T to understand magic though. It's kind of like physics in that way."
  5369. "To a T? So just… mat?"
  5371. Twilight noogies you with her hoof.
  5373. >"Yes, that's exactly what I meant… smartass."
  5375. "Whatever, I don't have time, I need to get this shit done."
  5377. You pull your homework back out from your backpack, and over the next half hour or so, proceed to solve about half of the problems. Unfortunately, you run out of time, and Mama Velvet shoos you out of the house to run as fast as you can to school. When you arrive, you're about a minute late, and your teacher, Mrs. Sharpener, calls you out on it.
  5379. What is your excuse?
  5380. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5381. "Well, I forgot to do my homework over the weekend because a party I threw, and I was trying to get as much possible this morning before class. I only managed about half of it though, and I had to run here to even make it within one minute of class. That a good enough reason?"
  5383. She shrugs.
  5385. <"At least you're honest. Try to remember your homework next time so you won't have to be late. Speaking of which…"
  5387. As you take your seat, everybody starts taking their homework sheets out and passing them down to the teacher. You find yourself a little bit embarrassed to turn in an assignment with basically the entire second page unanswered, but at least it's something. After a little bit of reflection, however, you let your guilt subside as you realize that your memory is not something completely within your control.
  5389. The class that follows is fairly boring, though you try to pay a closer attention so you don't end up forgetting formulas on your assignment again. A part of you wonders if you should even bother trying in school if there's a chance you might just leave Equestria tomorrow. The rational side of you gives a slightly more convincing argument, however: you've only been whisked away from a universe once in your life, and in this new one, you have friends. Friends whose opinions of you you somewhat value.
  5391. When your lunch break comes, you realize you forgot to bring lunch in your haste to get to school. Fortunately, your friends are more than willing to share bits of their lunch. Sometimes, you suppose, it pays to make friends with farmers, and also Rarity, who of all things decided to eat sushi today. Apparently her father really likes to go fishing, so a little extra protein is not uncommon in her family meals. To your surprise, it doesn't make you feel sick like real bacon did back in Canterlot.
  5393. Towards the end of your lunch break, you hear a sort of excited scream. It comes closer and closer, and you start to recognize who it is. It's Twilight, with a pair of moth-like wings, soaring through the sky without a care in the world. She seems to be very bad at turning, however. She's also headed straight in your direction, and very fast. Before you can say a word, she crashes into the side of the schoolhouse and falls face first into the dirt.
  5394. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5395. You walk up to your very injured friend and help her get up and on her hooves again. Her wings seem to have already disappeared on collision, suggesting that the spell might not be that stable. Nonetheless, you want a try.
  5397. "Wow Twi, you really suck at flying. Maybe you should let someone else have a try."
  5399. >"Yeah, well, I'm not a pegasus and neither are you. Learning to fly with new wings is like learning to walk with a different number of legs, or more appropriately…"
  5401. She whispers the next few words into your ear:
  5403. >"Like learning to grab things with no fingers."
  5405. "I still want to try it though."
  5407. >"I have literally never tested this spell on any pony other than myself. I can offer you no guarantee that you will not be transformed into some horrible Cronenberg monstrosity. Are you absolutely sure you want this?"
  5408. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5409. "Just make me a bird horse already, Twi. I'm pretty sure nothing bad could happen out of this."
  5411. >"Famous last words, Anon."
  5413. "Do it."
  5415. >"You're the boss…"
  5417. Twilight's horn glows, and for a second, everything goes black. When you open your eyes again, the world seems no different, although some ponies are looking at you funny. Logically, the first thing you do is check your hooves. They all seem to be in their right locations, but you notice something extra - a large patch of black fluff across your chest.
  5419. You turn your head around to check to see if the rest of your body is in the same place. As expected, you still look fairly equine, but the gossamer wings on your back seem to be a new addition. At least that means the spell worked, right? No, Twilight's taking extensive notes. Why is she taking so many notes?
  5421. Looking at your other friends, you see Rarity seems a bit scared. You're not sure why that is.
  5423. >"M-m-m-mo-mo-m-MOTH!"
  5424. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5427. Twilight and Rarity both shove their hooves in their respective faces at your rather foalish comment. A few seconds later, a mirror is thrust before your eyes and you can finally see the full extent of your transformation. Structurally, you're still basically a pony. Your eyes, however, look a lot more bug-like, almost like the changeling that you saw back in Canterlot. You also have a pair of antennae sprouting from the top of your head. Though you are no Mothra, you are most certainly a moth pony.
  5429. "Well, so much for being a kaiju. I can still fly around though, right?"
  5431. >"In theory, yes. In practice… I have no idea when the spell is going to end, so try not to fly so high that you'll die upon impact with the ground. I'd give you about an hour, tops."
  5433. "Wait, I thought the spell was canceled by you getting hit in the head."
  5435. >"My own spell was, yes. I had it set to stay as long as I was concentrating on it, and the crash broke my concentration. I've never cast this on another pony before, so I have no idea how long the actual duration is. If I were to guess, I'd say you have an hour. But given that I didn't expect you to become more moth-like than I turned, this is pretty much uncharted territory. Have fun though."
  5437. Will you still fly, and where to?
  5438. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5439. You try to think of where the best place to go flying would be, but the only thing that really comes to mind is home. Sure, lunch is almost over and your teacher is probably going to wonder where the hell you went, but you've got friends who can probably cover for you. You were turned into a moth pony, after all. There's no sense in wasting what possibly little time you have in this form sitting in class. If Twilight was right about it only taking an hour, you'd be back to normal before you'd be let out of class!
  5441. So without any fanfare, you fly off. You don't bother telling anyone where you're going, but given that you're only about roof height off the ground, you're pretty sure if anyone really wanted to know where you were going, they could just follow you. You also aren't flying particularly fast, lest you crash into the ground like Twilight. Plus hey, the feeling of gently gliding with the cool wind blowing beneath a couple of new appendages is actually quite nice. It doesn't actually take you very long to get used to everything either.
  5443. When you finally reach home, you decide against coming in through the door normally. Instead, you fly in through an open window and land on Cadance's bed, completely startling her.
  5445. <"Anon, is that you?"
  5446. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5447. "No, I am not Anon. I am Mothra, Queen of the Moth Ponies. I have come to feast on your naughty bits!"
  5449. <"Anon, I recognize your voice AND your cutie mark. I know it's you."
  5451. "I don't care who you think I am. Bend over and present yourself to me!"
  5453. She giggles and turns around to shove her plot in your face.
  5455. <"Alright, whatever you say, Ms. 'Moth Quee-'"
  5457. Her voice is interrupted the second you shove your face in her snatch and start licking.
  5459. <"Wait, are you serious? What the fuuuUUUUUUUUUUUCK"
  5461. To your knowledge, she is alone, as you did not see or hear either Velvet, Night Light, or Shining in the house. How will you proceed?
  5462. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5463. "You know you're a total slut, Cadance."
  5465. <"Am not! What are you using, some kind of bug pheromones?"
  5467. "Sure, we'll call it that. Doesn't matter. Besides, you said a naughty word and should be punished."
  5469. <"Says the filly who just called me a slut."
  5471. "Less talking, more moaning."
  5473. You pull Cadance closer to you so you can savor every last bit of her. She doesn't seem to resist very well, and you can't really tell if she's consenting or merely not resisting out of shock. It doesn't matter much to you, however. This is something you've felt like you've needed for a while.
  5475. It doesn't take long to get her moaning. You remember once hearing that you could make a girl go crazy by writing out the alphabet on her clit with your tongue. Turns out that's not too inaccurate. You just wish you had a dick so you could finish the job.
  5477. After some time you start to get the feeling that you should have your turn to be pleased. It should only be natural; she's an alicorn of love and you need to know just how capable she is of loving. So you turn around to sit on her face. As your eyes break contact with her in mid-turn, you are only able to see what comes next for just a second - Shining Armor's hoof smashing into your skull, knocking you out cold.
  5479. . . .
  5481. You wake up with a rather nasty headache, tied to a chair in your room. Sitting opposite of you, and smoking a cigarette, is a very displeased Twilight Sparkle.
  5483. >"So… it appears we need to talk."
  5484. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5485. "Don't you think I should be in a straight jacket for this?"
  5487. Twilight raises an eyebrow and blows a thick cloud of smoke in your face, causing you to cough for just a bit.
  5489. >"You've got quite a bit of lip for a pony who almost got kicked out of the house. But no worries, I think you'll find breaking out of those binds to be quite impossible. You see, that rope binding your hooves to the chair is enchanted with a Gordian knot spell. Completely impossible to untie. The only way you're going to leave this room is if I will you to, and right now I'm not so sure if I can trust you enough not to fake your death, put you into a coma until I need you to fulfill that stupid prophecy you told me on the morning we left Canterlot."
  5491. She takes another deep drag off her cigarette and blows it back in your face, never dropping eye contact as she watches you squirm and choke on it all.
  5493. >"Or was that all just a bunch of hot air?"
  5494. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5495. Between the trauma-induced migraine you seem to be suffering from and the second hand smoke that is sending you into a coughing and hacking fit, you are starting to realize that the reality you are currently experiencing is far from an ideal one. Indeed, you could say that you have fucked up royally, and if this were some kind of game, you would load a previous save right away so you wouldn't have to suffer the consequences. Alas, if there were a way to save your current state, you would have done so by now, but you have not found one, and the same goes for loading saves for that matter.
  5497. Perhaps you might be able to kill yourself in some way, such as by hopping the chair over to Twilight and attempting to impale your neck on her horn, so that you might be able to load from an autosave. Too risky. In all likelihood, everything you're experiencing right now is real, and even if it wasn't, what if your game autosaves every time you wake up? You just woke up from being blacked out for some unknown amount of time, so it could have autosaved when you woke up in the basement. That would just be some very cruel irony.
  5499. No, this isn't a game. It's probably not a dream either, considering the amount of pain you're in. Unless of course these past few weeks have been a dream too, but you're not really prepared for that level of an existential debate. Rather, the simplest explanation is that everything that is currently unfolding before you is very much real, and you have some level of responsibility to deal with it, preferably without making things worse off for you. You look up to Twilight and try to think of a good answer for her.
  5501. "That… I wasn't trying to be rude. Right now, I feel as though I haven't been in control of my actions. And it's not because of your spell. I've felt like this since I came to this world. There are voices inside my head sometimes. They argue about the next thing I should do, roll some dice, and then I do it. I feel like a rag doll, Twilight. I've done everything in my power to subconsciously let them fail, but my control is slipping. They could tell me to murder you, and I'm not sure if I'd have the power to stop them. But I think they like you, so that makes you safe… for now. The reason I told you to put me in a straight jacket isn't because I'm trying to insult you. It's because either my intuition or my psychic powers are telling me that whatever spell you put on this rope has a time limit, and my captors have been far too patient."
  5503. Twilight looks deep into your eyes for a few moments, completely puzzled, and perhaps trying to size you up for a lie. She then puts out her cigarette and begins to level with you in a voice that seems not nearly as angry as before. In fact, she sounds a bit more exhausted than anything else.
  5505. >"I want to call you a compulsive liar and a psychopath. I really do. It would be the perfect explanation for how you could make up such a fantastical story that would excuse your actions, and simultaneously lead me to believe that you are not a psychopath, because no psychopath would willfully ask to be imprisoned. In fact, whether or not you're lying, the rational course of action would be to just tie you up as you've said. But that still leaves me a problem of what to do with you when I need you, if I need you. Because if there's one thing I can't discount, it's that you ARE psychic. I won't tell you the time limit on that Gordian knot spell, but I will say that I've been hoping to reach a point where I won't need it by the time the spell's up. So, Ms. Psychic. How about you make a rational argument for what I can trust out of you?"
  5507. "Hrm… well for starters, you know how all of the other Earthlings are inhabiting ponies who were basically somebody before we took over? Well I think I met the pony I used to be, as well as my mom. You should be able to meet them too if you can travel to the astral plane."
  5509. >"Never been there, but I can learn a spell or two. Continue."
  5511. "The ponies who used to inhabit our bodies are all sitting around somewhere on the astral plane, watching us. The real name for this body is, I think, Ajna. And my biological mother here is called Sahasrara. She runs a flea market of sorts in Manehatten. Lyra's spoken to her, and that's how I got that snowglobe sent to me. I think she's supposed to be some sort of telepath, cause that's how she contacted me a couple of days ago. You might be able to get her to help."
  5513. >"So, reach out to the telepath, use her to tell me whenever you're lying and… then what? It would be a bit inconvenient to have to carry around a pony to tell me whenever you're lying or plotting to do something stupid."
  5515. "Honestly, I don't even know if she could. The voices, they just told me to bring her up. Like I said, I'm not in control."
  5517. >"Then can I please speak to whoever is?"
  5518. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5519. "Why are you restraining our toy? Dance for us! We have absolute control over this pony's will and body, and they are both easily replaced."
  5521. Twilight sits down on the bed and ponders your choice of words. She holds her chin in a hoof and gazes into your eyes for a few long, yet silent minutes until suddenly, you see a slight smile crack upon her face.
  5523. >"You're bored, aren't you? You control a single pony's actions, but you're otherwise powerless in this world. Anon may be replaceable, but the rest of this world isn't. And you're still limited by whatever pony you do control anyways. Cadance may be rather weak-willed, but you're powerless against me both physically and mentally, which is why you don't try anything. Is that about right?
  5524. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5525. "Losing power? What? No, don't listen to the other guy, he's a faggot who's just trying - and failing - to be funny. Some of us are more level headed."
  5527. >"More than one of you? Great…"
  5529. "Yeah, no shit. Look, a lot of us just want to live out this filly's life normally, but shit can get out of hand sometimes. Case in point, what just happened. We know you're the smart and powerful one, and to be honest, we really think of you as a friend, for better or for worse. At least I do."
  5531. >"But let me guess, I'm going to have to watch your every move like a hawk lest you decide to rape some other filly? Is it too much to ask you not to try and lick every vagina you see, in a world where nobody is wearing pants?"
  5532. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5533. Your voice changes to a more psychotic tone to accommodate yet another host.
  5535. "Fuck off, you stupid Dutch boy. Look, Sparkle, you still don't have a clue what's going on, do you? You seek…"
  5537. She holds up a hoof.
  5539. >"I'm gonna stop you right there. One of you is Dutch, another is not. You're communicating over the Internet, aren't you? How about one of you lets me in on what's really going on here?"
  5541. You inhale as much air as you can to give her your next reply.
  5545. >"You done yet?"
  5549. >"Okay, so we've established…"
  5553. >"That I'm talking to…"
  5555. "BENIS"
  5557. >"Some trolls…"
  5559. "BENIS"
  5561. >"On the Internet."
  5563. "BENIS BENIS"
  5565. >"But what the hell is going on? Is this world even real?"
  5566. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5567. "No, it's not real. You're living inside of a hologram, and your existence is at the mercy of extra-dimensional forces. When we find you to be too boring, that may end."
  5569. >"What the hell are you talking about? A hologram is just a visualization, not some sort of alternate universe. Do you mean this is a virtual world, like a simulation?"
  5571. "I don't know. Who cares? Let's go out for milkshakes!"
  5573. >"Is this just some sort of lame excuse to get out of punishment? Act completely bonkers so you can't be held liable for your actions? Well it's not going to work on me, miss… what the hell is that on your nose?"
  5575. She reaches out to grab what looks like a folded up piece of paper that was resting on top of your nose. Somehow in the middle of your argument, you had not noticed its existence. She opens it up and reads it aloud.
  5577. >"Well that didn't work?"
  5579. . . .
  5581. The world fades to black and your headache suddenly intensifies. You hear a muttered thud close by, followed by the voice of a familiar purple filly.
  5583. >"Fuck me, remind me not to drink when I have research in the morning."
  5584. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5585. "You can beat me until I'm unrecognizable, but I won't give into the CIA!"
  5587. Halfway through your sentence, Twilight covers her ears with her hooves, wincing as if somewhat in pain.
  5589. >"Dammit Anon, not so loud! I haven't even had any coffee yet."
  5591. "Huh?"
  5593. >"Look, I know you have some bullshit you want to nag me about, but can it wait until breakfast?"
  5595. "O-okay?"
  5597. She slumps up the stairs, still somewhat groggy and mumbling under her breath. As she exits the room, you look around to see if you can find anything suspicious. Whatever happened between being interrogated and waking up like this, you're not sure, but it's almost as if there's no evidence of it having happened at all. The room doesn't smell like cigarette smoke, and there's no chair or rope in sight. But you still have the same headache, and you can't quite place a reason as to why. Did Shining give you a concussion with that hoof to the head? Is there a very obvious explanation for all of this? Maybe, but if you DO have a concussion, you probably shouldn't be spending too much time thinking.
  5599. You suddenly feel the need to pee. Like real bad.
  5600. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5601. You're not sure how, but you must have drank something while you were blacked out. Either way, it doesn't matter too much why you need to use the restroom now, just that you do. And run you do as fast as you can to the porcelain god to relieve yourself.
  5603. With that out of the way, you head into the living room to join the family for breakfast. Cadance seems to flash you a smile as she passes you a plate of waffles, maybe trying to make it seem like everything can go back to normal, but you're not buying it.
  5605. "Look Cadance, I want to apologize for what I did yesterday. It was completely wrong, and I have no excuse."
  5607. She scratches her head with her hoof, seemingly confused.
  5609. <"Shouldn't you be apologizing to Twilight? And wasn't that what you ran off into the room for like… the rest of the night for?"
  5610. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5611. "Twilight? No, I'm pretty sure it was you and Shining Armor I need to apologize to. Speaking of, Sorry Shiny. I fucked up."
  5613. Shining looks up at you with his face still buried in a plate of waffles.
  5615. >>"Somebody want to tell me what's going on?"
  5617. <"She's apologizing for something she thinks happened yesterday."
  5619. He shrugs.
  5621. >>"Sure, sure, don't do it again."
  5623. Twilight downs her entire glass of orange juice and walks off back to the basement, grabbing a book from the shelf on the way over. You follow immediately after, despite not finishing your breakfast.
  5625. >"So did you do something stupid while we were shitfaced yesterday? Because I don't remember it at all."
  5627. "Uhh… maybe? I don't know. What's your version of yesterday's events?"
  5629. >"You called me a psychopath at the dinner table, we talked it out downstairs, and then we got drunk and went to bed. And what do YOU remember happening?"
  5630. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5631. "Umm… I think I might have dreamed this, but I dressed Shiny up as a baby while he slept. Big fucking diaper and pacifier and all. Maybe we should lay off the drinks for a while."
  5633. Twilight just stares at you for a while, completely unsurprised by you once again acting like the silliest of fillies, but nonetheless feeling the need to act as if this was something new.
  5635. >"Anon… you're a faggot."
  5637. "No Twi, you are."
  5639. >"You're the one having diaper fetish dreams about my brother."
  5641. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey, do you think you could turn me into a moth pony again today?"
  5643. >"A what?"
  5645. "Never mind, that must've been a dream too."
  5647. >"Turning into a moth pony and then making my brother wear diapers? Must've been some dream. How much of it do you remember?"
  5648. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5649. "Well, to be completely honest… I'm not so sure if what I experienced was a dream or not. It felt way too realistic."
  5651. >"Dreams can be like that, but go on."
  5653. "I remember you finishing your flying spell and crashing into the schoolhouse. Then I asked you to try it on me, and I ended up turning into a sort of half moth, half pony hybrid. And then I flew off home and, well…"
  5655. >"Fuzzy memory?"
  5657. "More like I feel really bad about what I did after that. And then I ended up in a basement tied to a chair with some 'Gordian knot' spell you cast. And you were blowing cigarette smoke in my face because I kind of fucked up."
  5659. >"Wow, that's… surprisingly accurate for what I'd do if you completely fucked up. But it would have to be something absolutely heinous, like rape, murder, or torture."
  5661. "Maybe it was a prophecy for what not to do?"
  5663. >"Maybe. Maybe I'll just take the day off and not research the spell today, so it'll be impossible for it to happen in real life. You'll just have to not do whatever you did to earn my wrath. Think you can manage that?"
  5664. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5665. "No."
  5667. >"Wait, what?"
  5669. "I can't really explain it, but I don't think I can make any guarantees about my future actions. I know that sounds a bit weird, coming from a psychic, but just trust me on this one. You can trust me, right?"
  5671. >"You realize there's a certain degree of irony in asking me to trust that you can't be trusted, right?"
  5673. "Okay, fair. Look, I'm not trying to say I'm untrustworthy. It's just that well, the future's not set in stone or anything, and we might just end up causing the very thing we're trying to prevent in some way anyways. It's like… you watched the show with your daughters, right?"
  5675. >"Some episodes, yeah."
  5677. "Well do you remember that episode where you went back in time to prevent yourself from going back in time because of some doom prophecy you made?"
  5679. >"I do not recall watching such an episode."
  5681. "Well it totally happened. Start of the episode, you see a panicked version of yourself, so you research a spell that takes you back in time. After having spent the week super worried about whatever your future self was trying to warn you about, you eventually realize that there's no disaster to be warned about, and use the spell to try and tell yourself not to research the spell, which only causes the events to happen in the first place."
  5684. >"So what you're telling me is that Equestria definitely has time travel magic, and I could hypothetically use this to finish the job on the communist?"
  5686. "Twi, don't. I'm pretty sure there's some grandfather paradox shit to be had there."
  5688. >"Relax, I'm not that stupid. So anyways, back to the issue at hand. I think I've got an alternative solution to the Cadance problem. How about instead of researching flight today, I take her on a girl's day out, and you're not invited. You've got school to deal with anyways, right?"
  5690. You suddenly realize it's getting close to the time where you should be heading to class.
  5691. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5692. "Well of course I'm not invited, do I look like some kind of girl?"
  5694. Twilight stares at you blankly for a few seconds, looking like she's about to give you an answer, but you interrupt her.
  5696. "That was a rhetorical question."
  5698. >"Of course it was, Ms. has-a-higher-pitched-voice-than-me-and-owns-a-dildo"
  5700. "Whatever, I don't have time for this. I'm gonna be late for class."
  5702. You quickly grab your backpack and head back upstairs, shoving the waffle from your plate - still on the table - into your mouth and running out the door. You try to eat as you run, though as you spot a familiar colt from your class, you swallow everything at once to play a little prank.
  5704. "Hey Time Turner, what year is it?"
  5706. >>"Uh, 990 AL?"
  5708. "It worked!"
  5710. After this, you run off as fast as you can and make it to the classroom with a few minutes to spare. Unfortunately, as you had feared, you indeed are missing your homework again. But at least you manage to avoid getting chastised about it, because this time, Time Turner is late. 5 minutes late, in fact; just perfectly in time to show up as you would normally be given a lecture about the importance of doing homework that just might not matter in the long run.
  5712. Time Turner, as it seems, had slowed down his walk to school to ponder for the tenth time this week the concept of time travel, as he is prone to do. He was given a book on Star Swirl the Bearded for his birthday one day, and decided to obsess over all of his works from that point forward, almost to a point where you question whether or not he's autistic. The fact that he still seems to be somewhat popular with some of the fillies runs contrary to that theory, however. Regardless, you make a mental note to definitely, DEFINITELY do your homework the next time you're assigned it. You also should probably remember your lunch, but at least you've got friends, right?
  5714. Indeed, as lunch time comes about, your friends are inclined to share their meals, but now something smells fishy. Presumably, based on the fact that you had homework due today, and the fact that no one remembers you turning into a moth and taking advantage of Cadance's surprisingly weak will, today should still be Monday. You had never interacted with Rarity or Applejack before they came to class, or anyone who interacted with her. So why then is Rarity's lunch today a huckleberry pie, and not sushi? Was last night indeed a dream, or is there some sort of butterfly effect going on? Perhaps not worth questioning too much.
  5716. To no surprise, you do not see Twilight crashing into the schoolhouse at the end of lunch, so you indeed get to enjoy the rest of class before heading home. Okay, maybe not straight home; Applejack drags you into a game of hoofball, which turns into a couple of games of hoofball, and you end up coming home close to sundown. When you finally make it into the house, you collapse onto the couch and the world melts around you.
  5718. In fact, it not only seems to melt, but everything turns black for a moment. You now have a giant headache again, you're in your bed for some reason, and Twilight has collapsed off the edge of the bed, grumbling about never drinking again.
  5719. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5720. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. You might be in a time loop. You feel your heart pounding, and your mind is throwing anxiety attacks at you at a million miles a minute. That's probably not the correct unit to describe the rate of panic going on in your head right now, but it certainly feels like it. In fact, based on the fact that you were drinking last night and are again experiencing a hangover, it would not be inaccurate to suggest that at this moment, you feel as though you have been run over by a semi-trailer, and each of the wheels has individually passed over your head very slowly and agonizingly.
  5722. In your panicked state, you grab Twilight with both of your hooves and shake her.
  5724. "Twi, this is very, VERY important. What day of the week is it?"
  5726. >"Uhh… Monday?"
  5728. Yep, time loop. This is now your third Monday in a row, so it is no longer a coincidence. You didn't dream rape Cadance, you fucked her for real. And then you went back in time and tried to do things normally. Life had given you a second chance. But then it spat in your face and sent you back a second time. You hadn't even done anything wrong!
  5730. So, logically, you run out of the basement, out of the house, and out into the streets, screaming at the top of your lungs. Yes, that is a perfectly rational thing to do. And now ponies are staring at you, just great.
  5732. You stop screaming and sit down on the dirt to think about a proper solution to your problem. Dealing with embarrassment can wait. Okay, so what can you do, use psychic powers? Nope, static. That's literally the first time you've gotten static instead of just nothing, so at least you know you're not using them wrong; they just don't work. But that's probably worse.
  5734. What about Ajna, maybe if you can just contact her? You're not quite sure how to do that; the only time you've spoken, she contacted you. But she's supposedly watching your every move, so maybe if you could just… try to reach out to her?
  5736. "Ajna, I need you. I'm trapped, I don't know if you are too and if you've seen the other timelines but if you can, please help. At least talk to me. I know I'm a complete fuckup, but maybe if we can get out of this together, I could try to become a better pony. Please, I need you."
  5738. You're almost at the point of crying. If she doesn't answer, if someone doesn't answer, you're not sure what the hell you're going to do. There is no one, not a single pony, going through the same shit as you right now.
  5740. But alas, there is no response.
  5741. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5742. Nothing. You really could cry right now. For some reason you can't, but you feel like you could. Maybe you should just kill yourself, since you can't actually manage to fix this problem. Of course, knowing your luck right now, you'll probably just time loop again. Worth a shot anyways, you suppose.
  5744. You walk back into the house and into the kitchen. Equestria might not have guns, and you might not know where to find a rope for noose, but you know you can quickly end your own life with a knife. It's simple really, just jam it into your heart really hard, really fast, and don't miss. As you retrieve the blade from its container, you feel as if you should be trembling right now, but somehow you're not. In fact, every part of your being is telling you this is the right thing to do.
  5746. It takes about a minute for you to die. Or at least you think that's how long it takes. It's hard to keep track of time when you're losing blood faster than your body can fail to produce it. An agonizing experience that you certainly don't want to go through again, but at least it's over quickly. As your blood spills out over the kitchen floor, staining it like an overflowing toilet full of diarrhea to bathroom tiles, you can only wonder what it would be like if you had instead stabbed your lung and were gasping for air right now. Oh well, there's the light…
  5748. And as you damn well should have expected, you're back in bed, and Twilight is still bitching about not drinking before she has to do research.
  5750. What will you do now?
  5751. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5752. "You know what? Fuck this. Fuck it all. If life wants to fuck me, I'm going to let myself get fucked, hard."
  5754. >"Care to elaborate?"
  5756. "No."
  5758. You don't even bother dignifying saying anything else to Twilight, even a goodbye, as you march on out the door. Since killing yourself didn't work, you might as well act as though nothing you do in this world matters or has consequences, and right now that means getting laid. Fucking Shining Armor is just not going to happen, and Thunderlane would just be gross (and also intruding on Flitter and Cloudchaser's territory). Big Mac though… that might be nice for a one time fling.
  5760. You make your way over to Sweet Apple Acres, not even bothering to get breakfast. The first pony you bump into is Applejack, which unfortunately means you're not going to be able to surprise Big Mac in bed. Of course the Apples wake up at the butt crack of dawn.
  5762. >"Howdy, Anon. What can 'ah do for ya?"
  5764. "Hey, have you seen Big Mac? I need to ask him something."
  5766. >"'Ah think he's over in the tool shed. Want me to get him for ya?"
  5768. "I think I can find him just fine."
  5770. Perfect. You make your way over to the shed, and sure enough, he's there, pulling out a large plow. Looking around real quick, you can't see any other ponies looking in your general direction.
  5772. "Hey Big Mac, how about we head back into that shed and I'll let you plow MY field, if you know what I mean."
  5774. This makes him blush even harder than he was when he was dared to wear one of Rarity's dresses.
  5776. >>"Uhh… what?"
  5778. "You, me, a romp around in the hay, no strings attached if you don't want 'em? What do ya say?"
  5780. You turn around and wink your green filly pussy at him to drive home the point.
  5782. >>"'Ah… ah thought you were a lesbian"
  5784. "No such thing. Now you gonna let me play with your 'Big Macintosh' or what?"
  5786. >>"O-Okay."
  5788. The two of you sneak off into the tool shed after you double check to make sure that Applejack is definitely not looking your way, and you waste no time getting to work on Big Mac. Having another guy's cock in your mouth is a weird sensation, doubly so when it's expanding, but somehow you can't get enough of it. Contrary to what you had thought back on Earth, stallions in Equestria have roughly the same amount of stamina as humans, so you have plenty of time to enjoy slurping up pre-cum and getting a feel for his overall… texture.
  5790. Of course, you wouldn't be satisfied with just sucking him off, you came here for the real deal. You slowly pull your mouth off of his well-sized horse cock and bend over a nearby table. Big Mac picks up the signal pretty quickly and shoves it in without delay. The feeling is pretty damn amazing. The best way you could describe it all would be like you're now "full" in a sense, and your body feels warm all throughout. You have to resist the urge to moan as loudly as you can, lest you be interrupted in the middle by Applejack or even worse, their parents.
  5792. Eventually, Big Mac's speed starts to increase quite a bit, and he whispers into your ears that he's getting close.
  5794. "Do it Big Mac, fill me full of fillies."
  5796. You feel his cock twitch like it's about to shoot inside of you, but before you can even experience a single drop, an all-too-familiar blackness overcomes you. Time has reset once again. And beside your bed is Twilight, making the same complaint as before about not drinking again.
  5797. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5798. And now you're gay. Okay, you're pretty sure what you just did was gay. Asking Big Mac to cum inside you? Pretty fucking gay. Alright, granted you're currently a female, but your mind's all male. Wait, does that make you like, a reverse trap, or trans or whatever? Yep, you are now undeniably gay.
  5800. But enough about that, what's more important is that you are completely and utterly fucked. This is now what, your fifth iteration of the time loop? And even worse, it ended itself prematurely, in the middle of the morning? The first two loops both cycled off around the end, and the third one ended when you killed yourself, but here you hadn't fucked up anything. Is there something you're missing? Did you do something to screw up your ability to save the world? If that was the case, that wouldn't explain the second loop, where you went about your day completely normally. You're going to have to investigate all of this. And what better way to do so than with a crime spree?
  5802. Once again, you ignore Twilight's bitching about drinking and just walk straight out of the house. Your first target: Sugarcube Corner. Wasting no time, you hop over the counter and grab as much food as you can, stuffing your face, much to the ire of your formerly-human friend.
  5804. >"Anon, what the hell are you doing? You've gotta pay for those!"
  5806. "Nothing I do right now matters. I'm going to reset time back at the end of the day, so I might as well commit as many crimes as I can. Now do me a favor and give me a knife or I'll rape you."
  5808. >"What did you say!?"
  5810. Without another word, you get the jump on Blossom. Admittedly, you didn't need psychic powers this time around, as she's way too shocked to begin with. Unfortunately, before you can get to using her as your personal sex slave, you end up getting hit in the back of the head with a rolling pin…
  5812. …and wake up in a jail cell. Of course you do. If only you weren't such a shitty criminal, you could have done a lot more before getting caught. Looking out your cell window, it seems to still be late morning, so you've got a lot of time to wait before time resets itself. Unless of course it resets randomly, but then you'd be screwed. Regardless, you don't have much to do in your cell, so you pass the time by watching the clock, and ignoring getting yelled at by Twilight when she inevitably shows up.
  5814. It approaches around 5:00 when you start to worry that you might not time loop this time. 5:30, 5:45, 5:50… hopefully it'll reset soon. At 5:57, Pinkie Pie bursts through the door.
  5816. ^"Nonny, I've been looking all over for you! I keep resetting time over and over and I don't know why. At first I thought it was nice that I could go through the same party twice in a row, but then time reset like really early in the morning. I couldn't live with myself going through all of this, so I killed myself, but then I just reset time once again. So I figure you might know something about it since you can read the future, but when I came to Ponyville, you were nowhere to be found, and Twilight said you had to think about what you did. Listen, I don't have much time left, but next loop do you think we could meet at-"
  5818. And then, at 5:58:42 PM, time resets itself. You are now once again in the comfort of your own bed. It is the start of the sixth loop, and Twilight is starting to get annoying. You get it, drinking when you have work the next day sucks.
  5819. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5820. Part of you wants to figure out how to end the loop as soon as possible. Another part of you is craving to do as much degenerate crap as you can before you have to return to normality. You're pretty sure you're going to have to meet with Pinkie to solve the problem, and you're pretty sure that isn't likely to happen until at least the afternoon to evening, since she's likely not in Ponyville right this moment. So that leaves you with some time to once again, do whatever you want.
  5822. And right now, what you want is to visit a glory hole. Unfortunately, you're not sure where the hell that would be. Now, Ponyville's a pretty small town, so it shouldn't take you too long to find one…
  5824. …but after 3 hours of walking into shops, checking out all of the bathroom stalls, and checking for any sort of "adult" stores (there aren't any, really), you have yet to find a single one. You even manage to sneak into a few bars, but still, not a single hole. Though you contemplate drilling one yourself, you realize that it would take far too long to get a single stallion and decide to call it quits.
  5826. You make your way out of a very trashy bar and find yourself once again bored stiff. To your knowledge, Pinkie Pie still hasn't arrived in Ponyville, so you should have a couple more hours to kill.
  5828. What will you do?
  5829. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5830. You contemplate for a moment masturbating as loudly as possible behind a nearby bush. This, of course, has a few problems when you think about it. You're not quite sure if public masturbation is illegal in Equestria. Sure, the laws seem mostly lax (after all, most ponies are walking around with their genitals showing for all to see), but you really don't want to risk another trip to jail, especially if there's a slight chance that your time loop might not be so infinite.
  5832. Instead, you resign to watching the grass grow in the park, and theorizing about life in general. You start to wonder whether you might want to stay in Equestria when all of this is over with. On one hand, family. On the other hand… you guess you have friends here. And if your experience from two loops ago is anything to go by, sex isn't too difficult to come by. You're actually fairly attractive, for a horse.
  5834. After some amount of time, of which you've lost count, a hot air balloon lands in the middle of the park, and out from it comes Pinkie Pie. You realize that if you had access to this in the first place, there would never have been a need to get Twilight's flight spell.
  5836. ^"Oh good, you're here! I was afraid you weren't able to hear me when I said to meet me in the park, since the time looped out! So do you have any idea what the hay is going on?"
  5837. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5838. "Oh that's easy Pinkie, this is all a game, and I want you to be my playmate."
  5840. ^"Your game requires me to take a 5 hour balloon trip to meet you every day?"
  5842. "Hey, I just asked the god Yog-Sothoth to give me as many chances as I could to mess around with this world. I didn't get to set the other parameters."
  5844. ^"I mean, I guess the idea sounds fun, but… it's REEEEALLY hard to enjoy it when we're BOTH stuck in this loop, and I'm hours away. Do you think you could maybe move the loop just one day forward, and I could hang out with you here in Ponyville and mooch off of you guys while sleeping on your couch? Because that would actually be fun. And actually, maybe we could do it during the summer months? That way, you wouldn't have to be in school, and we could have fun all day every day!"
  5845. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5846. "Gonna be honest, I have no idea how any of this shit works. I was hoping that suggesting that this was all a game might spark a solution out of you."
  5848. ^"Have you tried turning it off and back on again?"
  5850. "I wish it were that easy. I don't even know how to turn it off, let alone turn it back on."
  5852. ^"Well do you know how you started it?"
  5854. "Not something I want to share too much to be honest. I did some… not okay things in my first loop, apologized for them in my second loop - only to realize it was the same day later on - and then just kept fucking around after that because I've run out of ideas."
  5856. ^"Maybe the loop isn't related to the really really bad thing you did that first time around. Maybe it's something completely unrelated, or absolutely silly that you never thought of before. Anything come to mind?"
  5857. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5858. "Or maybe, just maybe, it's not unrelated. I don't think it's come to chance that the one day I do something completely fucked up is the one day I get time looped."
  5860. ^"So what're you gonna do to break the loop? I thought you said you tried to make amends already."
  5862. "I'm not gonna make amends. I'm gonna do it again and accept the consequences for once."
  5864. ^"Did you not face any consequences before? Seems a bit silly if you really did something THAT bad."
  5866. "I faced some, but nothing long term because the time loop erased everyone's memory."
  5868. ^"So say you do it again, and it doesn't break the time loop. Then you'll have caused a pony to suffer a second time, and you'll still not suffer any long term consequences. Well, mostly. I'd know, and I'd probably not want to hang around with you anymore if you became a monster like that. But I don't think you are that bad, you just make a few mistakes sometimes, like everypony does. And right now, as your friend, I want to let you know that I think you're about to make a mistake. Do you value me as a friend, Nonny?"
  5869. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5870. Pinkie's words make you quickly reflect on what you had just said. Did you really just decide you were going to make the same mistake again? Where the hell did that come from? You now feel even less in control of your life than you did before. Overcome by a sudden feeling of grief, you throw your hooves around your pink friend, shedding tears as you nuzzle your face into her chest fluff.
  5872. "Pinkie, please don't leave me. I- I've made a lot of mistakes, and I feel like I'm going to make a lot more. I feel like I'm a puppet in somepony's twisted game, and I don't know if I can be helped."
  5874. As you speak, Pinkie says nothing, merely stroking your mane with her hoof. When you finally go silent, she gives you a soft giggle and wipes away your tears, revealing to you her very bright and angelic smile.
  5876. ^"You're silly, Nonny. Of course I'll never leave you. It's cause I know you'll never leave me."
  5878. "But what if I do? What if one day, I just completely snap and betray all of my friends just because forces unknown have compelled me to? Not that I expect you to understand, but…"
  5880. ^"But I do understand. And you still don't have to worry. Nonny, can you try to use your psychic powers for me?"
  5882. "Did I tell you about those? I don't remember… you know what, never mind, it doesn't matter. I can't. This stupid loop is blocking out my vision. All I get is static. I guess whoever put me in this situation doesn't want me cheating my way out of it."
  5884. She places her hooves on your temples.
  5886. ^"Try now."
  5888. You focus once more on your psychic powers, and for once, you get a single vision. You are sitting in the castle of the two sisters, meditating with a necklace around your neck. The necklace is a deep red and bears your cutie mark. For once, you recognize it for what it is: The Element of Loyalty, and you are its bearer.
  5890. ^"This is your destiny. As long as you accept it, it will accept you, and help you when you're feeling weak."
  5892. She then wraps her hooves around you, and for a brief moment, you feel as if you are being held by a guardian angel. You start to wonder whether Pinkie Pie was sent from the heavens to watch over you. She probably isn't, but damn if she doesn't feel like it. A few last words slip into your conscious ears as you drift off to sleep in her embrace:
  5894. ^"If you need me again tomorrow, same time, same place. Hey, that rhymes!"
  5896. You're not sure what it was supposed to rhyme with, but when you open your eyes again, you find yourself in your bed again.
  5898. >"Fuck me, remind me not to drink when I have research in the morning."
  5899. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5900. Ignoring Twilight for perhaps the fifth time in a row, you look around for some paper and something to write with. Not finding anything immediately, you decide to tear off a piece of your unfinished homework sheet. You probably won't need it where you're going.
  5903. Dear Pinkie,
  5904. Headed to Canterlot this loop to see if I can figure out what the hell's going on.
  5905. Lots of love,
  5906. Anon.
  5909. You fold it up and bind it with a paperclip before passing it to Twilight.
  5911. "Do me a favor and give that to Pinkie Pie if you see her in the park today while you're out testing your flight spell. Be a good courier, and don't read it."
  5913. >"And since when am I your courier?"
  5915. "Since none of this matters anyway. I'm gonna be off to do something crazy, and will be back tomorrow when you wake up."
  5917. Without another word, you run out the door. You kind of wish you had gotten breakfast first, but you're not sure if you're going to have time, and it's not as if you can die from starvation anyway. Nonetheless, you make your way to the train station on an empty stomach. If it takes as much time to get to Canterlot as it did to make it to Ponyville, you figure you'll have an hour to mess around before time resets itself. Or it won't, because you'll have gone outside of some spell radius. Never hurts to try, right?
  5919. Unfortunately, you don't have any money for the train. As luck would have it, however, security is trash. There's just one guy whose job it is to make sure there aren't any stow aways, and he just left for donuts. Ponyville is too honest for him to give a shit about his job of keeping ponies honest. You sneak in through the back and take a seat. Luckily, you know that there's no one to check your ticket once you're already on the train.
  5921. After about 15 minutes of waiting, the train starts moving, and you're off in the general direction of Canterlot. You're not quite sure what your plan for this is, but you've got several hours to figure it out. Another ten minutes later, however, and you are no closer to figuring out a good plan. The closest you can think of is to bug Celestia about it and see if she can fix your problem, but you still aren't sure of how to grab an audience within an hour, or how to convince her of what's going on. Plus, it could possibly take over an hour for her to cast whatever spell she'd need to break your time loop, which would cause you to run out of time. You know nothing about how magic works, and you're just sort of winging this entire thing.
  5923. And as you contemplate all of this, a certain purple spook places her hooves around your eyes from behind, having completely sneaked up on you.
  5925. >"Oh Anon, guess who…"
  5926. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5927. "Pennywise, is that you?"
  5929. She uses her hooves to playfully move your jaw around and mouth out her next few words.
  5931. >"We all float down here."
  5933. "No, but really, what are you doing here, you glow-in-the-dark CIA nigger?"
  5935. >"I could ask you the same thing. Something about hearing, 'none of this matters anyway' piqued my curiosity. Since you're not particularly concerned about leaving everyone behind at the drop of a hat, why should I? Now tell me, why exactly are we headed to Canterlot of all places? I don't suppose you plan on betraying us all to the changelings, do you? Because you don't seem the type. If it's something more innocuous, I might be willing to help."
  5936. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5937. "You know, I wasn't planning on betraying you all for the changelings, but now that you mention it, I'm starting to have second thoughts. That Chrysalis, unf. She gives me such a boner."
  5939. >"So you haven't lost your masculinity. Experiencing some sort of phantom limb syndrome? Or phantom dick, as it may be?"
  5941. "Nah, I'm jut razzing you. Although maybe I will want to have sex with a changeling when this is all done with. Fulfill any fetish you want, and make you forget about the shame the next day if what we experienced back in Canterlot is indicative of all of them."
  5943. >"Shit, that does sound almost enticing enough to forget that I'm married. Almost. So anyways, what the hell ARE you doing headed to Canterlot?"
  5945. "Well… are you familiar with the plot of the movie Groundhog Day?"
  5947. >"Time loop, right?"
  5949. "Yep."
  5951. >"How many loops has it been so far?"
  5953. "This would be the seventh."
  5955. >"And what did I say to you when you first told this to me?"
  5957. "Uhh…"
  5959. >"Oh don't tell me you didn't bother asking me first."
  5961. "Okay, I won't tell you."
  5963. >"I am actually a bit offended right now."
  5965. "To be fair, I spent a decent amount of time just fucking around when I realized I was in a time loop. Now I'm ACTUALLY trying to solve this problem, and I've got a hunch that the solution is going to be in Canterlot. And by hunch, I don't mean it's my psychic powers telling me that, since they don't work right now. Only time I managed to get them to function properly was last loop, when Pinkie did the equivalent of blowing on the proverbial game cartridge and showed me being the Element of Loyalty. By the way, Pinkie's looping too."
  5967. >"Well, that's a bit to take in. So… what HAVE you tried thus far to end the loop, and what makes you think the solution is in Canterlot?"
  5968. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5969. "Well, I was considering going through the list of all of the typical groundhog day tropes until I found one that worked, but Pinkie got to me first. Otherwise, I've just been fucking around until now."
  5971. >"Lovely. So nothing substantial?"
  5973. "I mean… killing myself doesn't work, and neither does apologizing for a tiny, completely irrelevant, not even worth mentioning mistake that I made in the first loop."
  5975. >"I absolutely believe every word of what you just said there. But go on."
  5977. "Anyway, I'm figuring Canterlot might be a good start. I don't necessarily think the solution is going to be there, but speaking with Celestia could make this easier."
  5979. >"And of course you're going to be reaching her right at the end of the day, when she's got the most work piled up on her from meeting with so many dignitaries. All while neglecting the fact that I already have a faster means of bidirectional communication with her through Spike… who is not here with us on this many hour train trip, because how the hell was I supposed to know you wanted to talk with her?"
  5981. "Hadn't thought of that."
  5983. >"Well, maybe next time you should. Maybe tell me if something crazy is going on with you. I know it's a bit of a stretch to believe in a time loop, but I can honestly suspend my disbelief just a bit with you. You know what it's like to be a human and get zapped into another world, and I can't even imagine what it's like to get random psychic visions out of nowhere. And granted, you make a lot of mistakes - I don't know what the hell you did that first loop, but I'm certain you feel sorry about it. But you know, I feel like I can trust you just a bit. You're one of the few people I can consider a real friend on this world."
  5985. A wave of guilt starts to wash over you as you realize that the very trust Twilight is placing into you now is the same trust that you violated on your first loop by fucking with Cadance. You feel like you could cry.
  5986. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5987. You briefly contemplate opening a window, jumping out, and killing yourself to avoid your current sense of shame. A number of variables make you realize that this is a bad idea. First of all, Equestria's trains are not like bullet trains, and it is quite possible that you might survive in your collision with the soft and muddy terrain outside. You would be bloodied up, and probably break all of the bones in your body, but there is a chance that you would not die. Secondly, and most importantly, you'd remember everything you are currently experiencing when you wake up the next morning, plus the additional guilt of having bailed on Twilight after she requested to be let in on your problems more often. Since this is obviously a bad idea, you quickly banish it to live in Australia, so some aboriginal can instead try it out.
  5989. Another idea you consider, for a slightly longer period of time, is to confess to Twilight just what all you did on that first loop, and to apologize once again profusely. Of course, you aren't sure if the loop you are on will be your last, and so you use this as an excuse for your moral cowardice. Perhaps someday you will tell her, but today might not be the best time to do so.
  5991. Instead, you decide to turn to your future sight again. You suppose you won't be able to use them to find the exact solution out of the time loop, but with Pinkie Pie re-activating them to show you your destiny, you find it worth a try to apply them to tertiary goals. Focusing on your psychic powers, you attempt to see a means to easily meet with Celestia. To your surprise, you obtain an answer: look for her in the palace kitchens, enjoying a slice of cake. Your vision cuts out after that, however. Perhaps you may not be able to see forever into the future, but knowing that you can at least obtain a glimpse is worth shedding a tear of joy.
  5993. Twilight looks at you, somewhat confused at the fact that you have tears in your eyes and a smile on your face, and you have been silent for the past ten minutes.
  5995. >"Is something the matter?"
  5996. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  5998. For some reason, you feel so overcome by joy that you can't help but throw your arms around Twilight, and tackle her to the ground in your embrace.
  6000. "Absolutely nothing, you fucking spook."
  6002. She returns the hug and smiles, with a look in her eye that shows she knows you're hiding something.
  6004. >"I'm going to believe that for all of about two seconds."
  6006. "Okay, okay, maybe it's not entirely nothing. I got a vision, finally. I saw Celestia eating cake in the kitchen. Probably the best place to bug her."
  6008. >"That's a start. So, powers are back?"
  6010. "Somewhat. Pretty sure I can't use it to cheese the whole time loop thing to pull a solution out of nowhere."
  6012. >"Well, we can't always get what we want, can we? I guess that'll have us heading to Canterlot anyways?"
  6014. "Pretty much."
  6016. With a general idea of what to do when you reach Canterlot, and why you're heading there in the first place, you and Twilight spend the next several hours doing whatever you can to kill the boredom. In your rush to catch the train, you had neglected to bring a lunch, and Twilight in turn had neglected to bring a book (not that she had any clue that she might need one). Thus, you content yourselves with the only games you can think of that only require eyes, a brain, and the ability to talk.
  6018. Things like "I spy" and "20 questions" end up getting boring after a few hours, but you at least manage to spice things up with a good old game of "punch pony". There's no such thing as a Volkswagen Beetle in Equestria, but you do occasionally see ponies out in the countryside, and the wide variety of their coat colors make them a suitable alternative. The rest of the ponies on the train were of course off limits for naming new pony colors, but it was perfectly legitimate to use obscure color names to ensure more punches got thrown over the course of the day.
  6020. "Punch pony mauve" are the last words you hear from the game as the train begins its ascent up the mountain which hosts Canterlot. It doesn't take too much longer to reach the city, but the number of ponies you see within the mountain passes themselves is greatly diminished, in no small part to the large number of dark tunnels that cut directly through the mountain. You're pretty sure that this isn't a very efficient way to design a railroad, but then again, building a metropolis on top of a very steep mountain overlooking flatland doesn't seem like the wisest idea either, especially when many of your enemies can fly, negating its defensive utilities.
  6022. When you step off the train, you find that Canterlot looks just like it did when you left it only a few weeks ago, but somehow you get the eerie feeling as if you shouldn't be there. You aren't sure why, however, as this feeling is coming from your gut, and not your ESP. Of course, it could just be general nervousness combined with having skipped lunch.
  6024. What do you do?
  6025. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  6026. A thought emerges in your head: in your unique situation you could try out many ways to die and tell what each one is like. Right now, you could make the absolutely insane decision to jump off the mountain that Canterlot is built upon. It's pretty deep, and you get the feeling that more than one unicorn has taken a flip off the edge of the city.
  6028. This idea, like your idea to jump out of a moving train, is immediately banished to Australia. You're not sure why you thought of it. Maybe this is what your gut feeling was warning you about, and you should definitely tell Twilight.
  6030. "Twi, you're the psych expert. Is it considered normal to be regularly contemplating suicide if you know you won't face consequences from it?"
  6032. >"Humans are incredibly curious, and I do not think you would be the only person to consider dying multiple times just to know what it's like. That said, I wouldn't recommend giving into your curiosity, especially if this is the first time we're having this conversation."
  6034. You stay silent for a few minutes into your walk towards the castle, and then decide to speak up again.
  6036. "Is it normal that I've been getting a really bad vibe about Canterlot right now? Like it's not my psychic powers, this just feels wrong."
  6038. She rolls her eyes and smiles.
  6040. >"It's because you've never done what you're doing right now before. You've stepped out of the safety of Ponyville and run off without thinking. You feel anxious, right? Like how you'd feel when you move out of your parents' house and everything just feels… kinda wrong?"
  6042. As you approach the gates of the castle, you begin to miss your father. You never really moved out of the house, and you allowed Twilight's family become like a surrogate to you. For some reason, you feel so alone, and it is suffocating.
  6043. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  6044. You might not be a man anymore, but now would be the time to man the fuck up. As you make your way into the castle with Twilight, you clear your mind to focus on the task ahead of you. If your vision was correct, Celestia should be in the kitchen. All you have to do is make it there without raising the suspicion of any of the guards who, surprisingly, do not seem to bat an eye at the fact that the princess' protégé has returned without being announced, along with her adopted sister.
  6046. When you finally make it to the kitchen, you almost hesitate to open the door, but Twilight pushes it ahead of you, and you follow her in. Sure enough, Celestia is sitting at a table with the chef, drinking tea and enjoying a slice of cake. She lowers her teacup.
  6048. <<"Twilight, Anon, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"
  6049. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  6050. "I am from the future. You have been selected for termination. Cum in me if you want to live."
  6052. Celestia blinks, unsure how to respond until Twilight bursts into laughter. She then suppresses a giggle.
  6054. <<"You are a charm, Anon. I'm sure this isn't just a social call though, right? Not that you aren't welcome in my castle, but there is still the…"
  6056. >"She's in a time loop, Princess."
  6058. <<"A time loop?"
  6060. "Uh, yeah. Today is like the seventh Monday morning I've woke up to in a row. I was hoping you had some sort of counter curse, given that you're an all powerful alicorn and such."
  6062. <<"I've never encountered such a spell before, so I wouldn't know how off the top of my head. Do you know who cast it on you?"
  6064. "Well, I didn't see anypony cast it on me, and I'm assuming it wasn't Twilight. I was blacked out for a few hours on the first loop though, so it could have been anyone."
  6066. <<"Then that's troubling, because we don't have a start. Do you think it could've been the changelings again? If you've got a few hours missing from your memory…"
  6068. "I haven't seen any of them in Ponyville. And the blackout was from, uh… blunt force trauma."
  6070. <<"What happened?"
  6072. "I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say I did something dumb and I've already apologized for it, although that was in another loop."
  6074. <<"Okay then. These loops, what all would you say they have in common? Aside from them all being Mondays?"
  6075. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  6076. "Well, they always end at around 5 something."
  6078. Celestia takes a look at the clock on the wall.
  6080. <<"It's 5:20."
  6082. "It was more closer to 6. Like 5:50 something. Anyways, I get reset automatically if I do something with more, uh… permanent consequences."
  6084. >"Suicide resets it automatically, princess."
  6086. <<"I see. Anything else? By your timeline we have about half an hour."
  6088. "Umm… the only thing else I can remember is that Twilight always has a hangover. Don't suppose you could get me some sort of loop resistant notepad so I could keep better notes, could you?"
  6090. Celestia raises an eyebrow and turns to give Twilight a chastising look.
  6092. >"Oh please, neither of us are going to remember this conversation anyways."
  6094. <<"Well in case you do, try not to let it affect your studies. Now, Anon. Have you been neglecting to do anything during any of these loops?"
  6096. "I'm not sure. But I have a theory. Twilight's been researching a spell to grant us flight, which she normally discovers about halfway through the day. It's supposed to be so we can find a filly who I think could be in the Everfree Forest. I'm willing to bet she dies at the end of my loop and we have to save her."
  6098. <<"And what actions in your loops led you to believe this? Have you met this filly yet?"
  6099. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  6101. "Well, my vision of the future involves this filly, and seeing as the loop begins again when we commit suicide, I'm figuring that anyone I've seen in my visions is not allowed to die."
  6103. <<"How many suicides have you seen thus far in your loops?"
  6105. "Just myself and Pinkie Pie."
  6107. >"You mentioned earlier on the train that she's looping too. Wouldn't that mean that the only ponies not allowed to die are those who are looping?"
  6109. "Well, I mean, I haven't tested if it resets when someone else important dies. You could try committing suicide, Twilight, and if that causes me to loop earlier then I'll know."
  6111. >"Yeah, this is where I cease my willful suspension of disbelief that you're actually in a loop."
  6112. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  6113. "Oh thank God you're not considering it."
  6115. You throw your hooves around Twilight in a surprise hug.
  6117. "You're the one pony I hope would never consider suicide as an option."
  6119. >"Oookay? Then why'd you suggest it? Some sort of test?"
  6121. "No, no. I'm… not really thinking straight, and the fact that I'm going to be waking up tomorrow for the eighth time in a row to the same day is starting to get to me. Is there anything you can tell me, maybe some CIA secret passcode, that would help me establish trust with you during the next loop?"
  6123. <<"CIA?"
  6125. >"I'll tell you about it later, Princess. Could you excuse me one second?"
  6127. Before Celestia can respond, Twilight grabs you and drags you out the door, immediately tossing up several spells around the two of you.
  6129. >"First, I will never divulge critical state secrets during our stay here. I have no means of telling that this is not a simulation, and if it is, then you commie bastards can pry my knowledge from my cold dead hands. Do I make myself clear?"
  6131. "Crystal."
  6133. >"Second, since we haven't been formally introduced, my real name is Diana Rose Fischer. What's yours?"
  6134. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  6135. "It's… actually just Anonymous. My parents had a weird sense of humor."
  6137. Twilight looks deep into your eyes, trying to see if she can uncover some hidden intentions.
  6139. >"You're not joking, are you?"
  6141. "Nope. Real name is Anonymous, and I go by Anon."
  6143. >"Did you ever get picked on in school for it?"
  6145. "Not for my name, no. Most elementary school kids don't know the meaning of the word, and that seems to still be the case in the Ponyville schoolhouse. By the time someone knows what my name is, they're usually mature enough to pick on me for other reasons, like my total lack of success with the ladies."
  6147. >"Fair enough."
  6149. "So what should I be calling you in private anyways? Still Twilight, or would you rather I call you Diana?"
  6151. >"I don't particularly mind if you call me by my name, so long as it's in a situation where we could talk about human stuff. By the way, don't mention the CIA in front of Celestia again."
  6153. "Well it's not like she's gonna remember."
  6155. >"It would help not to have to explain things like that to a pony with a lot of power, especially when we've got a fair bit of time left before you loop back again. Speaking of which, sorry in advance for whatever freak out I give you when you call me by my name for the first time in the next loop."
  6157. "You're not gonna hit me, are you?"
  6159. >"Probably not. I mostly kept my name secret in case I ended up needing you not to know it for some reason. Just tell me how you learned it and I'll be a bit more accommodating. Also, we might be able to get a bit more of a conversation with Celestia if we can just use Spike."
  6161. "Well, don't look now, but she just walked out the door."
  6163. >"Right. Ix nay on the yuman-hay."
  6165. She dismisses a few magic bubbles that had surrounded you, leaving you free to hear Celestia's voice unmuffled, and for her to hear you.
  6167. <<"Are you two finished with your private little chit-chat? It's about 5:30, so you shouldn't have too much time left. What are your plans for the next loop?"
  6168. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  6169. You don't really have an answer for Celestia. Aside from a few experiments with the limits of the time loop, you've pretty much been winging everything thus far. With no reasonable answer to give her, you elect to instead do the first thing to come to your head, which is to scrunch up your face and stare at her.
  6171. She tilts her head in confusion.
  6173. <<"Anon, what are you doing?"
  6175. The scrunching intensifies for another minute, earning you only greater concern from Celestia and Twilight both. Eventually you have to cease scrunching, as holding an optimal scrunch position requires holding your breath.
  6177. "Haha, I win! Neither of you can scrunch harder than me!"
  6179. Celestia giggles.
  6181. <<"You are definitely a silly filly. But don't you think that your time is perhaps a valuable resource not to be wasted in your current predicament?"
  6183. "I've got nothing."
  6185. <<"Then perhaps you should consider contacting me through Spike and Twilight in the morning, so we can have more time to solve this problem?"
  6186. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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