C.Syde - Today at 12:22 AM
I've been having other issues than this in my life at this moment. Which may be one of the reasons it had a bigger effect on me than it would have done normally. I was already anxious about other things that I'd been having to deal with.
It's just when you think of the concerns that have been brought up in the last review and the ones that have been brought up in this review combined. It seems impossible that I'll be capable of addressing all those concerns, because in order to avoid the concerns from the last review, I have to face concerns brought up in this review. Addressing the concerns brought up in this review will put me in danger of not addressing the concerns in the last review.
Addressing the concerns in this review will run the risk of going back to the user I was before the last review.
If I speak my mind more, then I will be forced to reference myself in my mind, because I constantly use myself as an example. It's part of how my mind works.
That's precisely why there were concerns brought up in the last review.
C.Syde - Today at 1:01 AM
What I'm doing now is basically the opposite of what I did last time.
I don't think it's possible to find a middle ground, and address all the concerns at the same time.
I've already proven that it's not possible because I did what I didn't do last time, and still failed to avoid any concerns.
It seems that no matter what I do, I'm going to slip one way or another.
Last time was bugging other users and questioning things that would have a negative effect on me.
This time was not speaking my mind enough. I've been rather busy recently and haven't always had the time to think about it, and I thought that strategy would work because I was so sure that as long as I put the wiki first, there would be no problem.
Both of those sides are opposites to one another.
And that's going to degrade my confidence.
Last time I spent a lot of time looking for things that I could do to help the wiki. The concerns were that I was spending too much time on what I could do for the wiki, rather than what the community could do for the wiki.
Whereas now I'm trying to avoid those same concerns being brought up, only for other concerns to be brought up. That I didn't have the confidence to give my own opinions. (Well I've had a lot of things to take care of in these last three months, I wasn't always going to have time to make sure that I gave my own opinions, and since a lot of those things had no effect on me, I said that whatever the community wanted was fine with me.)
It's like standing on a narrow pole. I can't guarantee that I'm not going to fall off this side of the pole. Because if I did that, then I wouldn't be able to guarantee that I wouldn't be able to fall off the other side of the pole.
And then again, if I have to try to address those concerns, then it runs the risk of me failing to address those concerns that I've always been able to address.
Like being active. I haven't had any trouble in remaining active. But if I have to address those other concerns, dropping some activity may be the only solution to avoiding those other concerns, but then I'd run the risk of failing to address those same concerns that I've always managed to address. No one has ever brought up any issues with my activity.
But then there's always a possibility that the only way to make sure I address every concern that's been brought up in the past is by doing things that will bring up concerns that I've never had to address in the past or present.
This is why I rejected the concept of admin reviews. Because I knew that they would take a toll on my anxiety levels. And anxiety levels are my weakness.
TheKorraFanatic - Today at 7:47 AM
God damn.