BlondeNonny

Her Lil' Sweetheart (Femanon x Yandere Applejack)

Mar 4th, 2015
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  1. >Day 63+ in Equestria
  2. >You'd honestly stopped counting after that point
  3. >You're at the train station seeing your friend off.
  4. "Are you fucking SERIOUS?"
  5. >"Yeah. Princess' orders."
  6. >See, your friend had been summoned to Canterlot for a highly important competition.
  7. >Specifically, the Inter-National Dick Crab World Series.
  8. >You still can't believe this is a thing.
  9. >And you're even MORE shocked that they requested ANON to compete for Equestria.
  10. >If he hadn't blabbed his mouth about how good he was about it this might not have happened.
  11. >Fucking Anon.
  12. >Oh by the way I should mention.
  13. >You are Femanon.
  14. >Long time no see, eh?
  15. "...for fuck's sake, Anon."
  16. >"Don't worry, I got this in the bag."
  17. >Suuuure.
  18. "Alright, fine. See you," you grunt.
  19. >"Byyyyyeee, Femanon~" he singsongs.
  20. >Fucking Christ.
  21. "Oh, by the way," you smirk.
  22. >"Huh?"
  23. "I just want to let you know, and this is important."
  24. >"Yeah?"
  25. "That...Anon..I want you to know that...you're a huge faggot."
  26. >He groans.
  27. >"Well fuck you too."
  28. >He's on his way to Canterlot now.
  29. >Meaning you have to pick up his slack while he's gone.
  30. >Alriiiight lesee..
  31. >First thing to do is work with Applejack on the farm.
  32. >Not too bad.
  33. >You set course for Sweet Apple Acres.
  34.  
  35. "Ahem. Applejack?" you call as you stroll down towards the barn.
  36. >She notices your voice beckoning her towards your divine presence.
  37. >Yes your presence is divine. Deal with it.
  38. >She blinks.
  39. >"Howdy, Femanon, didn't 'spect to see you here."
  40. "Yeah, been a while."
  41. >"Well, what kin I do fer you, sweetheart?"
  42. >Sweetheart.
  43. >Good GOD.
  44. "Well, I'm here on behalf of Anon, who decided it'd be a good idea to enter the Dick Crab competition."
  45. >"Ah see. And he...urk, ah reckon he won't do well, wille?"
  46. "I'll bet you 10 bucks he'll be knocked out the first round."
  47. >"...ten bucks?"
  48. >Shit
  49. "Ten bits."
  50. >"Ah, okay. But enough about Anon, how yer holdin' up?"
  51. "I've been better. These past couple of months have been crazy. I've been touring the world, been caught up in a crazy spy-movie-tier adventure, called a sexist and contributor to the matriarchy- like, it's funny. I'm used to being a 'victim' of sexism, not an 'instigator'."
  52. >"Heheh..well, yer not a sexist, sweetheart. Ah can tell you that right now."
  53. >There it is again.
  54. >You can tell she's hittin' on you.
  55. >Normally she calls ponies 'sugarcube'. Not sweetheart.
  56. >Roll with it.
  57. >You're only doing this for a week.
  58. >Plus you get Anon's payment.
  59. "Well gosh, thank you, uh, honeybiscuits~"
  60. >honeybiscuits
  61. >wonderful
  62. >"Not a problem, Femanon~"
  63. >And now she's rolling with it.
  64. "So where do I start?"
  65. >She blinks. "Start?"
  66. >Are you serious, apple horse?
  67. >"Oh! Right, er, well, Apple Bloom's in school right now so ah'd mighty appreciate it if you could help gather the apples I buck down."
  68. "Okay."
  69. >Simple enough.
  70. "In a bucket, I'm guessing?"
  71. >"Eeyup!~"
  72. "So where's the bucket?"
  73. >She points (or hooves) to a bucket.
  74. >That is a big-ass bucket.
  75. "...hoo boy."
  76. >"Shouldn't be a problem for someone as strong an' hardworkin' an' good-lookin' as you, right Femanon?"
  77. "S-sure."
  78. >The bucket itself is fine.
  79. >The bucket filled with apples is a different story.
  80. >You have no idea how Anon does it.
  81. >You have no idea how Apple Bloom-
  82. >No.
  83. >Apple Bloom has an excuse. She's a fucking Earth Pony.
  84. >Earth Pony stronk.
  85. >Anon isn't.
  86. >But fuck this bucket regardless.
  87. >HNNNNNG
  88. >"You holdin' up alright, Femanon?"
  89. "Yeah, just carryin' a big damn bucket with so many damn apples in it, that's all."
  90. >You pour the apples into the cart.
  91. >God damn it.
  92. >"Hehe, well ah really appreciate all the hard work ya put in, sweetheart~"
  93. >Okay now she's just teasing you.
  94. "Thanks," you deadpan.
  95. >"Not at all, Femanon."
  96. >You look at your list.
  97. >"So, is there anythin' else ah can do for you? Or can I offer you somethin' to eat?"
  98. "No can do. Again, I'm picking up the slack for Anon."
  99. >"Anon, Anon, always about that Anon," she tuts, a slight scowl on her face.
  100. "Well I mean if nothing else I get paid for it by whatever you and everyone else pay me. Plus I get to read the headlines of Anon making a dick out of himself."
  101. >"Like always?"
  102. >..
  103. "Touche. But the point stands, I gotta get going."
  104. >"Awww, already?"
  105. "Yep. Got some work to do at Carousel Boutique."
  106. >"Well..."
  107. >...uh oh.
  108. "Well, what?"
  109. >"Well...nothin'. Y'all have fun, sweetheart!"
  110. >for cryin' out loud.
  111. "Alright, bye, honeybiscuits!" you call in your most intentionally awkward voice you've ever made.
  112. >Only the most awkward voice for the most awkward name.
  113. >You set out for Carousel Boutique.
  114.  
  115. >Y'all are Applejack
  116. >You watch that lil' graceful creature walk off as she heads towards Rarity's.
  117. >Honeybiscuit.
  118. >That name.
  119. >That affectionate name she gave you, out of pure, true love.
  120. >It went through you like it were liquid apple pie.
  121. >That settles it. Yer in love with Femanon.
  122. >But yer mighty concerned about where she's goin'.
  123. >Rarity.
  124. >Now you respected Rarity, and considered her your friend.
  125. >But you can't help but get mighty jealous of her an-
  126. >No.
  127. >Applejack, don't think these thoughts.
  128. >Yer sweetheart is just visitin' Rarity.
  129. >Yer sweetheart is just doin' a job for her.
  130. >Yer sweetheart's just goin' out with her as part of her job.
  131. >Yer sweetheart's just beddin' your higher class friend as part of-
  132. >No.
  133. >Celestia damn it, Applejack, pull yerself together.
  134. >They're just friends.
  135. >Not like you and Femanon.
  136. >You set about yer work like always
  137. >You just rush it a lil' bit.
  138. >Jus' to see what Femanon might be up to...
  139.  
  140. >Whoop, there it goes, you're Femanon again.
  141. >And you knock on the door to the Boutique.
  142. >"Come in!~" comes the singsong, trilling and regal-as-fuck voice of Rainbow Dash.
  143. >Too much sarcasm?
  144. >You shrug and enter the boutique.
  145. >Sure enough, Rainbow Dash is standing around, with Rarity nowhere to be seen.
  146. "Uhh, Rarity? I wasn't aware you had a desire to become Rainbow Dash. It looks kinda eh on you, but whatever."
  147. >sarcasm intensifies
  148. >"...Really, Femanon? Really?"
  149. "Yep."
  150. >"No, Rarity's upstairs."
  151. >As you suspected.
  152. >A clip-clop of hooves tells you Rarity's coming downstairs, with a dress (or flight suit) for Dash.
  153. "Mornin', Rarara."
  154. >She looked towards your voice and blinked. "Well, isn't this a surprise! I wasn't expecting both Anonymouses this hour."
  155. "Actually, I'm filling in for Anon. He's gonna be out of town for a while."
  156. >"Really?" asked Rainbow Dash. "What for?"
  157. "Dick Crab competition."
  158. >The uproarious laughter may have shattered some vases and windows.
  159. >"AHAHAHAHAHAHA A DICK CRAB COMPETITION...PFAAAHAHAHAA"
  160. >Uncontrollable goddamned laughter from Rainbow Dash.
  161. >Uncontrollable blushing from Rarity.
  162. >"W-Well, Rainbow, darling, I k-know you can't help yourself b-but could you please stand still?"
  163. >"AAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
  164. "It's entirely as ridiculous as it sounds."
  165. >"AAAAAAHAHAHAHA, I'M, AHAHA, I'M GONNA NEED TO STEP OUT.."
  166. >In her laughter-induced trance she walks out of the boutique.
  167. >Leaving you alone with Rarity.
  168. >Just the two of you.
  169. >Alone.
  170. >Yeah.
  171. "S-sorry about that."
  172. >"I-It's fine, darling, but...it's not that often that comes up in a conversation."
  173. "Well, it's Anon. So."
  174. >You two share an awkward silence.
  175. "Soooo, I've been asked to help you out, as it's part of his list that he left me-"
  176. >"YES!" a pause. "Yes, of course, he was going to help me out with tailoring."
  177. >Uh oh.
  178. "Tailoring?"
  179. >"Yes. I've been mentoring him on how to make dresses, and he's been learning really well."
  180. >Huh.
  181. "You know WHY he's learning under you of all ponies, correct?"
  182. >She sighs. "Yes. But I haven't the heart to tell him."
  183. >RIP Anon's heart.
  184. >gg no re
  185. "He's not gonna be happy when you tell him."
  186. >"I'm dreading that, Femanon. But honestly, I'm not the right kind of mare for him. I think, if anypony, Pinkie would be his soul mate."
  187. "You really think so?"
  188. >"Absolutely."
  189. >Commander Writeslut, this is Femanon, we've got a shipper on deck.
  190. Acknowledged. Keep goin'.
  191. >"I think they're perfect together," she smiles.
  192. >Awwwwwww
  193. >Das so qt.
  194. >But you have jobs.
  195. "So, how do I into tailoring?"
  196. >"Grammar, darling. First off, we've been working on a new line of dragon suits. Unfortunately the only dragon I've been working with is my darling Spikey-Wikey~"
  197. >COMMANDER
  198. No fuck you keep going
  199. >"And Anonymous is out of town, so..."
  200. >She hands you a business suit.
  201. >It's got proportions better suited for dragons, with a hole on the bottom for a dragon's tail.
  202. >Fuckin' awkward on a lady.
  203. >You try it on.
  204. >Hmmmmm
  205. >"Well, how does it fit?"
  206. "I'd say it's anatomically correct for a human. It's a little loose, but that's fine. You've adjusted for the spikes and scales, correct?"
  207. >"Yes."
  208. "Then that's fine as well."
  209. >"The suit's meant to be flexible due to the nature of a dragon's anatomy."
  210. "That might explain-"
  211. >KNOCK KNOCK
  212. >"Come in~" Rarity trills.
  213. >And with the ring of the bell comes a pony you weren't expecting to see at this hour.
  214. "Heyy, Applejack."
  215. >"Howdy again, Sweetheart."
  216. >There it is AGAIN.
  217. >You're utterly convinced either Appul horse is fuckin' with you or she's actually in love with you.
  218. >Which is awkward because you're not a lesbian.
  219. >Shocking, isn't it?
  220. >"Applejack, darling, it's good to see you!"
  221. >Surprisingly, Applejack doesn't respond to dress horse.
  222. >"Femanon, you holdin' up alright?"
  223. "Yeah. I've been alright since we saw each other last...hour."
  224. >"Oh! Well, that's swell."
  225. "I mean it's not even that long."
  226. >"Sure seems like it sometimes."
  227. >Small talk will get you nowhere, honeybiscuit.
  228. >...is what you would say if Rarity weren't here.
  229. >COMMANDER.
  230. No.
  231. "Well, I'm helping Rarity out today, because again. Filling in, getting payed, life is awesome, etc."
  232. >"Ah, so that explains the dress."
  233. "Yeah."
  234. >She takes one look at it.
  235. >"Ah don't like it."
  236. >You wish you had your camera.
  237. >The face fault on Rarity's was just too good.
  238.  
  239. >"BUH- WHA- I- AAAP-"
  240. >top kek
  241. >Okay, resist the urge to laugh.
  242. >You're getting paid.
  243. "Okay?"
  244. >"I- c-CAN YOU ELABORATE?"
  245. >"Ah said ah don't like it."
  246. >"I heard you clearly, but WHY don't you like it?"
  247. >She pauses for a moment.
  248. >"Well, ah don't think it really suits Femanon that well. It jus' looks rather bad on 'er."
  249. "Well-"
  250. >"Ah'd much rather her as she is."
  251. "Can I-"
  252. >"Because, if y'all don't mind me sayin', ah kinda prefer her that way."
  253. "May I-"
  254. >"Applejack, this suit was not meant for humans. It's meant for dragons."
  255. >A moment of silence.
  256. >"Ah, well that'll do it. But ah still think Femanon shouldn't wear it."
  257. "Mostly I was just trying it on to see how it was coming along. Because she's trying to get a prototype of a line of dragon suits prepared."
  258. >"Shucks, was jus' concerned Rarity were tryin' ta, y'know, embarrass you."
  259. >"EMBARRASS HER? Applejack, if you don't mind me saying, I have the least intention of trying to embarrass her."
  260. >Well.
  261. "Awww, thanks-" you begin, before being cut off.
  262. >"If anything she and Anon do that more without anypony interfering."
  263. >Oof.
  264. "Gee, thanks," you deadpan.
  265. >"W-what did you just say about Femanon?"
  266. >uh oh
  267. >[munches popcorn internally]
  268. >"Rares, I know we're friends an' all but ah really DON'T appreciate you callin' Femanon embarrasin'."
  269. >"Darling, I wasn't intending-"
  270. >"And y'all better not later on, because if ah didn't know any better that ain't how y'all treat a lady like Femanon."
  271. >Hoo boy.
  272. >You're certain Applejack was never this way with Anon.
  273. "Applejack! Calm down!"
  274. >She blinks, and starts to breath.
  275. "Deep breaths, Applejack. Just calm down."
  276. >"Hahh...sorry about that. Just got a lil' agitated."
  277. >You look back towards Rarity, who's just sitting there, agitated herself.
  278. "I'm deeply sorry, Rarity. I dunno what got into her."
  279. >"Perhaps we can try this another time? It's not that I'm in any hurry, or anything."
  280. >Sure. That might work.
  281. >Again you don't need to and Anon doesn't need to, but he asked you.
  282. >And it's coming out of his paycheck.
  283. >Literally.
  284. >Poor sap wouldn't know what hit 'im.
  285. >Before you can answer to find a time to schedule something, Applejack speaks up.
  286. >"Sure, Rarity. Ah'm sure Femanon will have plenty 'o time later on."
  287. >CAN YOU FUCKING SPEAK TODAY?!
  288. >GOD.
  289. >No more words are shared between you, Rarity, and Applejack before you leave.
  290. >And as you leave, you sigh.
  291. >"So, Femanon, what's next on yer agenda?"
  292. >Right.
  293. "Well, I -was- going to work with Rarity for the next hour and a half, but that's pretty much done."
  294. >You're staring right at her as you say that.
  295. >"Yup."
  296. >No sense of irony.
  297. "And...well, then I was gonna work with Pinkie Pie on an April Foal's project, but that's not until like 4 today..."
  298. >She blinked as her unironic smile faded.
  299. >You don't blame her.
  300. >If Pinkie Pie is involved in setting up a prank nothing good comes from it.
  301. >Unless you're also involved.
  302. >In which case lulz come from it.
  303. >"A-An April FOAL'S project?"
  304. "Yep. Top secret, completely confidential otherwise."
  305. >"O-o-okay."
  306.  
  307. >Y'all are Applejack
  308. >D-Did Femanon just say 'Foal'?
  309. >As in a FOAL foal?
  310. "A-An April FOAL'S project?" you stutter.
  311. >"Yep. Top secret, completely confidential otherwise."
  312. >Horseapples.
  313. >It would never be secret at all if it were a foal.
  314. >'Land's sake, Femanon, don't do this to me.'
  315. "W-Well, that's a mighty interestin' development."
  316. >"Yep. Be ready for when it appears," she smirks.
  317. >You now dreaded that moment.
  318. >Yer gonna hafta talk with Pinkie Pie a lil' later.
  319. >But fer now, you're gonna have lunch.
  320. >Just the two of ya.
  321. >Alone.
  322. "Well, er, sweetheart."
  323. >That should keep her happy for now.
  324. "It's gettin' to be around lunchtime, ain't it?"
  325. >She checks her watch, and gasps.
  326. >"Holy crap it's already noon?"
  327. "Eeyup."
  328. >Your belly rumbles.
  329. "Hehe, and ah'm gettin' a lil hungry. You the same?"
  330. >"Yeah. Where to?"
  331. "Well, mah offer fer somethin' to eat still stands."
  332. >She thinks about it for a moment.
  333. >Come on, Femanon...
  334. >"Sure! Haven't had an Apple Family lunch in a while."
  335. >YES!
  336. "Yeeehaw!" you shout.
  337. >...
  338. "Ahem. Alright."
  339. >You managed to fix 'er up a good lil' apple salad.
  340. >"Mmmmmph.."
  341. >"Gulllp!"
  342. >"Applejack, this is pretty good!"
  343. "Ah'm glad~" you smile.
  344. >You had hoped she liked it.
  345. >But if she liked it, you were certain everypony else would as well.
  346. >By Celestia you loved her.
  347. >She takes another bite.
  348. "Say, Femanon?"
  349. >"Mm?"
  350. "Ah've been thinkin'. An' Ah'm real sorry about what happened earlier today."
  351. >She nods. "Again, we're gonna work something out later. I mean it's not a huge deal."
  352. "Right. But y'all still like me, right?"
  353. >"Yep. I still like you, Applejack."
  354. >You smile.
  355. >If Femanon liked you, that was a good start.
  356. >Slow and steady right now, girl. Can't be too forceful jus' yet...
  357.  
  358. >You are Femanon.
  359. >God DAMN this salad was good.
  360. >"Femanon, sweetheart?"
  361. >No srsly
  362. "Wat."
  363. >"Do y'all.."
  364. >Y'all.
  365. >"Ahem. Do -you- want to, well, see me again later? AH mean later today."
  366. "Sure."
  367. >You finish up your salad.
  368. >"Ah mean after you're done with seeing Pinkie about that..well, Foal's project."
  369. "April Foals. And you're not hearing anything about it until it comes."
  370. >Top secret.
  371. >Not to be disclosed.
  372. >Not even to Writeslut.
  373. God dammit.
  374. >"APRIL Foals. Got it."
  375. >The two of you share a long look at each other.
  376. >It is said that in this moment, in the time it takes for two lovers to look into the eyes of one another, that truths would be revealed.
  377. >That your destinies would irrevocably intertwine with one another.
  378. >That true, unbreakable love would burst through your hearts.
  379. >God that sounded so cheesy.
  380. >But you couldn't help but wonder.
  381. >Was Applejack really your true love?
  382. >Was she really your Honeybiscuit?
  383.  
  384. >You are Applejack.
  385. >The two of you share a long look at each other.
  386. >It is said that in this moment, in the time it takes for two lovers to look into the eyes of one another, that truths would be revealed.
  387. >That your destinies would irrevocably intertwine with one another.
  388. >That true, unbreakable love would burst through your hearts.
  389. >And it was true.
  390. >By the stars above, it was true.
  391. >In that moment, you fully realized just how in love with Femanon you were.
  392. >She was your true love.
  393. >She was your Sweetheart.
  394.  
  395. >You are Big Macintosh.
  396. >You coulda swore you heard somethin' downstairs.
  397. >So you got to check.
  398. >Ah, it's just Femanon and Applejack.
  399. "Howdy."
  400. >The facefault on both of them is mighty funny.
  401. >You don't say anythin' though.
  402.  
  403. >You are Femanon
  404. >AUGH BIG RED HORSE
  405. >"BUH- WHA- BIG MACINTOSH!"
  406. >"Eeyup."
  407. >Moment Killer out of fucking 10.
  408. >...
  409. >PFFFT.
  410. >Okay you have to admit, that was pretty funny after the whole 'caught you off guard' thing.
  411. >"Did y'all eavesdrop?!"
  412. >"Eenope."
  413. >You can already tell Applejack's getting mighty flustered.
  414. >Y'all better-
  415. >GREAT NOW -YOU'RE- SPEAKING TEXAN
  416. >Applejack breathed a sigh of relief.
  417. >"Okay, phew, was worried y'all heard-"
  418. >"Don't need to hear, sis," he smirked.
  419. >Dat shit eating grin.
  420. >"W-what?!"
  421. >"Eeyup."
  422. >You were kinda okay with Big Red Apple Horse.
  423. >He's not best pone.
  424. >Not by far.
  425. >But he's pretty chill when he needs to be.
  426. >"S-So you know what's goin' on between me and Femanon?"
  427. >"Eeyup."
  428. >Eeyup.
  429. >So now you have Applejack flank-flustered
  430. >You have-
  431. >Well, you HAD a ruined moment
  432. >And you have Big Macintosh being smug as fuck
  433. >"Big Macintosh, ah know yer mah brother an' all, and ah trust you. But could y'all give me an' Femanon here some space?"
  434. >She paused, as if she were contemplating what she said.
  435. >"Jus' for a lil' while."
  436. >You could literally see Big Macintosh raise his eyebrows.
  437. >Dem eyebrows
  438. >"Eeyup."
  439. >On that note, he left the room.
  440. >Probably he was on his way out anyway.
  441. >Best not to disturb him.
  442. >Big Red Apple Horse is scary.
  443. "Maaaaaaan that caught me off guard. You?"
  444. >"Yeah. Real mood-killer sometimes."
  445. >You smirk.
  446. "At least he's a mood-killer and not a..."
  447. >You remember in that moment that you're in Equestria.
  448. "CAN I say that around here?"
  449. >"Femanon, Sweetheart, ah'm a legal adult in Equestria, y'all don' need t' downplay innuendo 'round me."
  450. "...I was gonna say serial killer. But hey, anus killer works too."
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