JohnnyGuernica

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Sep 6th, 2021
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  1. Heckling the Right Wing: Their Top Ten Talking Points and My Top Ten Comebacks
  2.  
  3. I
  4. THEM: The Framers were all devout Christians.
  5. ME: You think everyone was a devout Christian. You probably think Jesus was a
  6. devout Christian.
  7.  
  8. II
  9. THEM: The Framers were opposed to taxation.
  10. ME: The first day in office, Washington (as President) and Hamilton (as his
  11. Secretary of the Treasury) taxed carriages and whiskey, then opened a bank to put
  12. the money in.(1
  13.  
  14. III
  15. THEM: The greatest influence on the Constitution was the Bible.
  16. ME: Then why doesn’t the Preamble read: “We the Chosen People . . .”?
  17. IVTHEM: To understand the Constitution, you have to read The Federalist Papers.
  18. ME: Nobody can read The Federalist Papers. Madison and Hamilton wrote the
  19. damn things, and they couldn’t read The Federalist Papers.
  20.  
  21. V
  22. THEM: The Constitution gives everyone the right to own a gun.
  23. ME: The Framers didn’t want everyone to have a vote, let alone a gun!
  24.  
  25. VI
  26. THEM: The Constitution does not grant homosexuals the right to marry.
  27. ME: The Constitution also does not grant the right of homosexuals to win all the
  28. Tonys. So what?
  29.  
  30. VII
  31. THEM: The Framers were a diverse group.
  32. ME: The Framers were as diverse a group as the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
  33.  
  34. VIII
  35. THEM: James Madison is the “author” of the Constitution.
  36. ME: The Constitution is the greatest “cut-and-paste” job since the New Testament.
  37.  
  38. IX
  39. THEM: The Framers believed in term limits.ME: I’m with you on this: I figure if a congressman can’t steal enough money in
  40. three terms, he’s too dumb to hold the job in the first place.
  41.  
  42. X
  43. THEM: The only way to interpret the Constitution is to determine what the
  44. Framers were thinking when they wrote it.
  45. ME: You can’t even figure out how the Framers took a piss in pants without a fly. How do you expect to figure out what they were thinking? I had teenagers. I never knew what they were thinking. And we lived in the same house. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m thinking half the time.
  46. ...............................................
  47. (1). Okay, maybe not the first day.
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