chicken tendies

start with a quart of buttermilk and a gallon ziploc bag (pickle juice instead of buttermilk is probably closer to the taste if you're feeling that instead; just use less salt)
put half a cup of kosher salt and a 1/4th a cup of sugar in the buttermilk
stir it till it's all dissolved, then add your chicken tenders
if you're doing breasts, cut them in half lengthwise first
let it sit for at least six hours, and up to overnight in the fridge
about half an hour before you take the tenders out
(the timing doesn't matter
combine two teaspoons of paprika, two tablespoons of ground black pepper, 1/2 teaspoon of cayanne pepper, and one teaspoon of MSG in a small bowl
the MSG is optional but it adds a lot to it
stir that all together till you can't tell one thing from another
then, in a bigger bowl, do 1 1/2 cups of all purpose flour, two tablespoons of powdered non-fat milk, one teaspoon of baking powder, 1/2 teaspoon of kosher salt, two teaspoons of sugar, and basically the entire bowl of your spice mixture together
mix em' up the same way, till you can't tell one thing from another thing
crack some eggs, stir em' up with some milk in a shallow dish, then drop a few spoonfuls into the flour mix and mix it with your hands; you want it to feel like wet sand
preheat your oil at 350 (the oil isn't important, but I do prefer peanut because it's harder to burn)
pull your tenders out of the brine, pat them relatively dry with some paper towels (it's ok if it's got a little left on it, you just don't want it literally dripping brine)
dip it in the egg, then coat both sides with your spiced flour; you want it to be covered with little raised bumps, like it's got a yeast issue or something
then put it in the oil to cook for like four to six minutes
once you pull em out, bam
chicken tenders