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# Untitled

a guest Oct 10th, 2013 35 Never
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1. My 27th birthday party is coming up this Saturday night! WOOOOO!
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5. As further explicated on the facebook websitepage you were all invited by. But lets be serious - facebook? Am I right?
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9. To whet (pr. HUH-wet), whet your palate for the celebration of birthday "two seven" here are some fun facts about the number 27..
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13. -Abraham Lincoln’s top hat was exactly 27 inches tall.
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15. -Mary Todd Lincoln was exactly 27 inches tall.
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17. -A Confederate soldier’s average lifespan was only 27 inches long.
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19. -The distance between Washington and Richmond is exactly twenty seven inches on an appropriately scaled map.
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21. -Some sources say that Napoleon was 5 feet 4 inches tall. But this was in old French feet. In Imperial measure he was 27 kilohertz.
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23. -The first Napoleon pastry was 27 feet tall and had to be supported by an internal masonry structure. It therefore tasted mostly of bricks. Luckily for the pastry engineers, Napoleon was colorblind and so claimed the pastry was delicious.
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25. -The record for most Nobel Prizes for one man is held by John Bardeen, who won twenty seven, all for inventing the electric roast beef.
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27. -There are twenty seven different kinds of parsley, all of which are immediately brushed off the plate in mild annoyance.
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29. -According to some Kabbalists there are twenty-seven names for God hidden in Fishbane and Gasiorowicz’s “Classical Mechanics”. As this makes no sense, most interpreters assume that Fishbane and Gasiorowicz’s “Classical Mechanics” is actually a metaphor for Landau and Lifshitz’s “Statistical Mechanics”
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31. -The mantis shrimp has twenty seven different cone cells, seven times as many as a human. This allows it to see the colors red, blue, green, ultraviolet, infrared, stealth, appletini, invisible, the vikings, market timing, single malt, superblue, mint, doublemint, spearmint, peppermint, Tony Danza, renaissance, orange, tangerine, ecstasy, gentrification, cocaine, reference, purple, shrimpness, the strong force, oxygen and whistleblower.
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33. -There were originally twenty-seven muses in the Greek Pantheon but only nine made it through the elimination round. The rest went home with attractive yet functional washer-dryer combos.
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35. - In 1888 the Kansas state legislature almost redefined pi to be equal to twenty seven.
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37. -The sage Oracle of Des Moines says that bellbottoms will come back in fashion twenty-seven times before the world ends in a great flood of molasses.
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39. -Twenty-seven is the number of Murray Weiss, the devil’s podiatrist and occasional Pinochle partner.
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41. -There are twenty seven ranks and files on a chessboard.
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43. -Whoever has ticket number 27 at Katz’s deli is forced to order smoked turkey with sauerkraut and ketchup on whole wheat, and made to eat it while  being heckled by 27 schoolchildren. During the Christmas season the schoolchildren each sing a different seasonal song[*], the resulting cacophony occasionally killing a customer.
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45. -Twenty seven is the only prime number which is both a perfect square and divisible by its Euler totient, at least in some jurisdictions.
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47. -Amazingly, forensics show that the Mona Lisa was painted with only twenty seven brushstrokes, if you count many groups of brushstrokes as one brushstroke.
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49. -In the Mayan Calendar there are on average twenty seven Februarys in one year, but February only lasts one day and always falls on alternate Tuesdays.
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51. -In some cultures, having a child with 27 toes is considerable a particularly auspicious sign, portending a good harvest. In other cultures it is a mark of the devils. These culture will war until the Earth grows sated with blood.
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53. -A llama has twenty seven stomachs, one of which has the sole task of digesting any of the other stomachs should they get too uppity and upset the balance of power.
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55. -There are twenty seven isomers of vanilla ice cream, but most are too unstable to be of any practical use.
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57. -George Lucas actually planned for there to be a trilogy of trilogy of trilogies of Star Wars movies, making twenty seven movies in total, twenty four of which will be a massive disappointment to fans.
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59. -There are twenty seven zodiacal signs in Cherokee astrology making it 125% more accurate than Western astrology.
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61. -William Faulkner drank twenty seven drinks before giving his Nobel acceptance speech, which is less impressive when you learn it was twenty seven Bud Light Lime-O-Ritas.
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63. -It is physically impossible for a person to hold their breath for longer than 27 seconds. Anyone who can hold their breath for longer is an alien. You are surrounded by aliens and alone.
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65. -In the classic Twilight Zone episode, “Twenty-Seven”, a man finds a genie and asks to be made king of the world. The genie complies but in an ironic twist makes him a British-style constituational figurehead. All in all everyone finds this an agreeable state of affairs.
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67. -The custom of giving a “twenty-seven gun salute” when a ship enters port began as a punchline to a hilarious “yo mama” joke, but you really had to be there get it. No it wouldn’t be funny if I told you. Just take my word on this one.
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69. - A quaint Boston law defines a brothel as any house where there are twenty-seven women not related to each other having sex for money.
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71. - If you let someone walk in the desert without landmarks, they will walk in a circle 27 miles in diameter. Unless you make them walk on there hands in which case they will trace out a hypocycloid with semi-major axis of 27 leagues.
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73. - It takes Pluto so long to complete its orbit that it will only orbit 27 times before the actor playing the role is replaced by his understudy.
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75. - The Polish imposter to the Russian throne, Dmitry I, ruled for twenty seven days before the court realized he was not in fact son of Ivan the terrible, but a small mixed-income housing unit.
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77. -The original draft of “20,000 Leagues under the Sea” was called “27 Leagues under the Sea” and is mostly concerned with local Welsh politics. It is considered far more compelling than the published version.
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83. AND you made it! Feel free to edit the wikipedia page on the number 27 in my honor.
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87. See you soon,
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89. Yonah
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93. [*]The twenty seven songs they sing at Katz’s:
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95. 1) “Do they know it’s Christmas… in space?”
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97. 2) ”Santa’s beard is white as leprosy”
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99. 3) ”Don’t feel bad Jews, we put up a Menorah”
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101. 4) “Good King Kong”
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103. 5) “Your mother is cheating on me with Santa Claus”
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105. 6) “God Rest Ye Merry Lesbians”
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107. 7) “Rudolph retires to Tucson”
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109. 8) “Do they know it’s Christmas… inside the sun!?”
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111. 9) “Blood on the sleigh”
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113. 10) “Jailhouse Rock”
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115. 11) “Jingle Bells (Anthem Rock Cover)”
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117. 12) ”Remember Jesus?”
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119. 13) “Poor Johnny, He Died in the War on Christmas”
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121. 14) “I’m a Calvinist (And You’re All Going to Hell)”
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123. 15) “I have this deep dread in the pit of my stomach and caroling is not distracting me from it”
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125. 16) “Jingle Bells (Sung like Mariah Carey doing the national anthem at a baseball game).”
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127. 17) “Twas’ the night before Christmas, and markets were closed”
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129. 18) ”Eye of the Tiger”
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131. 19) “Joy to the World/Gangster’s Paradise (Remix)”
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133. 20) “I’ll only do good if you promise me presents”
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135. 21) “Let’s Feel Superior to the Dutch For Once (They have racist Christmas traditions)”
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137. 22) “Jingle Bells (American Sign Language + Toneless Shrieking Versioin)
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139. 23) “Ding Dong Merrily on High (Porn version)
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141. 24) “The Twelve Days of Christmas (Skymall version)”
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143. 25) “Do they know it’s Christmas… in Obama!?!?”
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145. 26) ”If you're alone on Christmas you might as well suicide”
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147. 27) “O come, o come, Emmanuel (Porn version).
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