Perfectly Legal

**Item #:** SCP-XX

**Object Class:** Keter

**Special Containment Procedures:** As SCP-XX is perfectly legal,[[footnote]]thank you very much[[/footnote]] attempts to shut it down or otherwise prevent members of the public from patronizing the business are considered unlawful. Instead, a Foundation-run grocery store (Super Competitive Prices!, LLC.) has been established adjacent to SCP-XX to draw away potential customers. Advertising campaigns showcasing the Foundation's superior products and savings are to be sustained in perpetuity.

**Description:** SCP-XX is an independently owned and operated grocery store in Midland, Texas, named Yeah, We're Totally Going To Sell You This.[[footnote]]Often stylized as "YWTGTSYT".[[/footnote]] It maintains steady patronage, a dedicated customer base, and a legal right to operate despite its deadly and unethical business practices, which are perfectly legal.[[footnote]]thank you very much[[/footnote]]

Examples of deadly (but perfectly legal[[footnote]]thank you very much[[/footnote]]) hazards:

* Store shelves are mounted on pneumatic actuators which occasionally rotate, changing the store's layout to increase consumer traffic and prevent egress. Shelves may also thrust together, crushing any merchandise and customers caught between.[[footnote]]Previously powered by hydraulics until the store's 2018 renovation. As the new system provides increased speed, fatalities have also increased accordingly.[[/footnote]]
* Numerous trapdoor mechanisms are installed in the floor. Each leads to a different hazard (e.g. metal spikes or boiling water) and is triggered by a different action (e.g. saying the word "Wednesday" or not saying the word "Wednesday"). The triggers change daily and are noted in Latin on the business' website.
* There is a partitioned section at the back of the store marked "//Hungry for Savings???//". All merchandised is discounted by 70% or more, but the area is constantly patrolled by 12 to 15 malnourished lionesses. YWTGTSYT-branded fishing lines, extendable grabbing mechanisms, and remotely operated drones are available to rent for the explicit purpose of safely retrieving items from this section, albeit at a dramatic markup. Outside items intended for this purpose are not permitted.
* Each day at a randomly determined time, alarms will sound, the lions will be released from the discount section, and all but two checkout lines will immediately close. Products purchased during this period will be free of charge, but must still be scanned one at a time.
* There is a ~5% chance that cashiers will ask customers for a kiss on the lips after checkout. Should the customer accept, there is a further ⅓ chance the cashier will be wearing lipstick poisoned with an anomalous toxin that kills instantly. Should the customer refuse, their purchases will be immediately incinerated without refund.
* Customers may volunteer to have lipids extracted at checkout in exchange for store credit.
* If the sum total of every digit in a customer's credit card number is odd, extraction of lipids is immediate and mandatory and perfectly legal, thank you very much.