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RGRE prompt collection 01

Uh-hmmm Feb 4th, 2017 (edited) 12,280 Never
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  1. > Anon is a spirit that got misfiled by the grim reaper
  2. > He now wanders Equestria trying to find a way back to life, or maybe to the local heaven
  3. > Only foals and the mentally unstable can see or hear him
  4. > Little Twilight fulfills both conditions
  5. > Anon encourages her to push the boundaries of science
  6. > Learns magic theory along with her, but he doesn't have a good intuitive grasp of what it can actually do
  7. > Part of why Twilight was so obsessed in "Feeling Pinkie Keen" was because Pinkie's metaphysical powers implied that there might be magics that could defy the current understanding, maybe even incarnate Anon
  8. > Meanwhile, Anon stays the fuck away from Pinkie, she looks freaky from the astral plane
  9. > As Twilight learns friendship lessons, Anon becomes fainter and fainter to her
  10. > By the time she is princess, she has so many duties, she rarely dabbles in mad science anymore
  11. > She did have that one imaginary friend that she made up, to comfort her when she was new and unsure in a new school, but she will never admit that she had an imaginary stallion
  12. > Sometimes she guiltily shlicks to fantasies about him, feeling foalish and like she is defiling a pure part of her childhood
  13. > Anon amuses himself by trying to match her pace with ghost dickings
  14. >Starlight becomes a student to Twilight
  15. >Not knowing about friendship and still reeling from her previous actions have left her feeling alone and unstable
  16. >Finds Anonymous walking the halls of the castle and goes to confront him
  17. >She is amazed and slightly terrified to find out her magic has no effect on him
  18. >She is even more surprised that he understands magic at it's most fundamental level
  19. >They begin to bond to help Glimmer simmer down into her new life
  20. >Being careless Glimmer speaks to Anon whenever and wherever
  21. >Hearing Glimmer talking to Anon one day, Twilight begins to follow her and take notes
  22. >Makes the connection that this Anon is her Anon and he was actually real all along but can only be perceived by a select few
  23. >She is heartbroken that she ever doubted his existence and abandoned him similarly to how she did with her friends in Canterlot
  24. >In an attempt to reconcile with one of her oldest friends and trusted advisers she attempts to tear open a path for Anon to come and meet the rest of the ponies of Equestria
  25. >Luna and Celestia welcome their old friend into the world of the living
  29. >After a magical mishap that allows the two to communicate via a notebook, Twilight and Anon enter into a transdimensional long-distance relationship
  30. >After months of purely textual contact, Twilight finally devises a way for Anon to come visit Equestria
  31. >While making her preparations, she begins to worry that the reversed gender roles of Equestria may cause Anon some stress
  32. >He already has to accept the existence of magic, talking ponies, and the infinite vastness of the multiverse, being wolf whistled at would be a bridge too far
  33. >She proceeds to organize the town to fake 'normal' gender roles for the duration of Anon's visit, with predictably bad results
  38. >Anon is a stripper
  39. >Comes out of giant birthday cakes and gives the lucky mare a lapdance
  40. >Sometimes the mares get drunk and ramble to him about how it's not right that he has to strip for a living and how they're going to "save" him
  41. >Anon never hears from them again
  42. Such is life for Anon the stripper.
  46. >"Anonymous, you really ought to be more careful. Why, some mare could catch you alone and take you against your will!"
  47. >You've had enough of this 'poor little stallion' bullshit
  48. >You lean your head back and smirk, resting one hand on your hip and use the other to point a lone finger at the princess of the night
  49. "I can take any pony on the planet, Princess, even you."
  50. >"Is that a challenge, my LITTLE human?"
  51. "Don't think your lithe figure and feminine wiles will make me hold back. U wanna go, m8?"
  52. >Luna sputters for a moment, blushing up a storm and unable to counter verbally
  53. >You take the advantage and pull your shirt off over your head
  54. >Taking care to avoid knocking your sunglasses off
  55. "I don't care how much you've toned that plot of yours, those elegant curves got nothin on dis bulk! IT'S GO TIME!"
  56. >She finally recovers and smirks at you, narrowing her eyes
  57. >That's a bit too wide a smirk though
  58. >Maybe you're biting off more than you can chew
  59. >"Challenge accepted, Anonymous. I think you'll find our techniques quite...tiresome. Could a naked ape like you earn our cries for mercy?"
  60. >Fuck it, it's go time.
  61. "That'll be hard to do when your twinkling mane is pressed against the floor, Princess. We didn't evolve from apes..."
  62. >You twist at the waist and flex both your arms and your back
  63. "...we evolved INTO APES!"
  64. >She shudders and licks her lips for a moment
  65. >Her horn lights up and you jump back, hopping from foot to foot and bringing your fists up in a boxing stance.
  66. >Every door and window in the room suddenly slams shut.
  67. >She stands and lowers her font half into a fighting stance, licking her lips.
  68. >"Show me your moves, Anon, show me all of them..."
  70. >Celestia is awoken in the middle of the night to find the castle shaking amid the sound of broken glass
  72. >She finds a bunch of staff and guards peeking through a doorway trying to watch what's going on inside
  73. >The door had been reduced to splinters
  75. >"Dost thou surrender fair Anonymous?!" Her sister bellowed with a giggle
  77. >Celestia finally gets to see what's going on inside
  78. >A window was broken.
  79. >A few of the floor tiles were cracked
  80. >It looked like a tornado had gone through the room
  82. >And off to the side, Luna is attempting to pin a shirtless Anonymous to the floor
  83. >His pants are threatening to fall off of him if they rip any further
  84. >Somehow his sunglasses remain fixed to his face
  85. >"You haven't won yet Moonbutt!" He responded with a manic grin on his face
  91. >Sometime after Anon has settled in RGREquestria, the ponies finally find a way to create a portal to earth.
  92. >Unsure what to do with the first contact, Celestia and Luna pull Anon from his leisurely life as househusband and make him into the "Minister of Human Affairs"
  93. >He's not too happy about being pulled away from his family and shoved into a position they just made up.
  94. >So naturally, being spiteful and difficult is the route he takes.
  95. >The meetings between him and earth's leaders churns up a shitstorm bigger than Trump being elected for a number of reasons. Like generally being an asshole and getting away with it.
  96. >But the biggest reasons are his adamant refusal to take human refugees or allow immigration into Equestria.
  97. >And since Equestria is already the sole superpower of Equis and not reliant on importing OR exporting, Anon can afford to wait for trade deals and treaties biased in his favor. 
  98. >But once people get a general idea of RGREquestria's wealth, magic, and utopian quality of life, millions are clamoring to get in overnight.
  99. >Men want in for easy love.
  100. >Women want in to finally experience a matriarchy.
  101. >Poor want in for new lives and opportunities.
  102. >Rich want in for business ventures and dreams of living like kings,
  103. >Vermin want in to leech on the wealth and charity.
  104. >Virtuous want in to have a home to be proud of.
  105. >The word "No" has never triggered so many people so fast before.
  106. >As he watches yet another riot (or "peaceful showing to protest the unfair Equestrian Minister" as the news calls it) from his earth office, he wishes he was at home cuddling his wife or playing with his kids.
  107. >Maybe he should let a few hopeless cases in for shits and giggles?
  111. >Anon buys a larger hoodie to keep Lyra in the front
  112. >Bonbon wants in, attaches to his back
  113. >He needs an even bigger hoodie
  114. >This time with straps inside the front and back
  115. >Fillies think it's fun to grab onto his legs and ride his feet as he walks
  116. >Anon gets special pants with little hoofholds
  117. >Pinkie starts hanging onto his side, so he carries her like a football
  118. >Rainbow Dash knows a good napping spot when she sees one
  119. >Takes the spot in the crook of his other arm
  120. >They pitch in to buy him a better coat
  121. >Anon walks around ponyville most of the day covered in ponies
  122. >Gets snuggles
  123. >Gets dem gains.
  124. >Life is good
  128. >How’s a human male to earn an income in a world where all that’s expected of him is to stay home and take care of the foals?
  129. >The answer came to you in the form of a minty-mare.
  130. >Lyra, whom almost always hitched a ride inside the confines of your old worn out hoodie made an off-hand remark one day.
  131. >”Mares would pay for something like this.”
  132. >Not one to let a golden opportunity pass you by you began the “Anonymous Public Transport” company.
  133. >For the low-low price of just five bits, you’d get a comfy ride to wherever in town while seated inside a hoodie.
  134. >Headpats along the way cost an additional two bits.
  135. >Business was good.
  136. >Excpet…
  137. >”My dear Anonymous would you be so kind to take me to Twilights castle?”
  138. >Celestia
  139. >Again
  140. “I thought we went over this, you can’t fit in here.”
  141. >”Oh nonsense, I’ve been on a fantastic diet and I’m sure-“
  142. “Fine, but if you fall out I can’t be held responsible.”
  144. >Celestia buys his services for an entire day
  145. >Even splurges on headpats and nuzzles
  146. >He shows up in the morning and she hops, folding her rear legs up and through the straps
  147. >Almost a year of being covered in ponies just about everywhere he walks has made Anon /fit/
  148. >Her neck rests against his cheek and her head rests on his head
  149. >The payment for headpats and nuzzles was for her
  150. >His hoodie stretches around her, and he has to grab both her enormous cheeks to hold her up
  151. >She has breakfast this way, sitting in his lap and hoodie at the breakfast table
  152. >Luna taunts her, but Celestia just says she's jealous she didn't think of this first
  153. >Gets crumbs on Anon's head
  154. >Headpats and nuzzles him while he walks her to each appointment
  155. >He either faces the wall or she twists her neck at meetings
  156. >Holds Comfy-Court(tm)
  157. >Naps on him in the garden in the afternoon, still in his hoodie
  162. >With Equestria's extremely liberal views on sex, prostitution is actually one of the more accepted jobs for stallions
  163. >It's common to see colts completely covered in clothes, strutting around and flirting with any mare who comes near
  164. >Anonymous arrives in Equestria covered in clothes
  165. >After he settles in with Twilight, he asks about getting a job
  166. >She tells him about the brothel on the edge of town.
  167. >He thinks she's messing with him, so he leaves to go find a job on his own.
  168. >He's turned down at every single one.
  169. >Each time they tell him about the brothel
  170. >When he gets offended at the suggestion, they scoff at him.
  171. >"It's honest work."
  172. >"Ponies 'round here sure would appreciate yer efforts."
  173. >"You seem like the kind of stallion that would excel in that career field."
  174. >"Zis is not a brothel, good sir. Zis is a Spa."
  175. >Eventually, he goes to the brothel and applies
  176. >They just laugh when he offers a resume, and tell him to show his cock
  177. >He's hired on the spot and sent to the 'exotic males' section
  178. >The other stallions, a mix of zebras, dragons, and griffons, see his unique looks as competition and constantly try and sabotage his 'dates'
  183. >Anon likes playing with foals so much that mares think he's baby-crazy
  184. >Some mares feel cautious and uneasy as they think, "If I tapped that, he'd probably want half a dozen foals from me."
  185. >Others feel anticipation at the same thought
  190. >Anon has the largest herd known to Equestria
  191. >Twenty mares, who are all perpetually pregnant
  192. >There are finally enough ponies in the Apple Family to run the farm
  193. >Expand it, even
  194. >Every foal in school has him as a father
  195. >He sires a bunch of colts, even more than regular ponies
  196. >They almost have his stamina and sex drive
  197. >Mayor Mare (also in his herd) increases taxes to make the school better, and higher more teachers
  198. >Everyone is ok with it
  199. >Cheerilee (also in his herd) moves classes to the Crystal Castle and Twilight (his alpha mare) lives her dream to be a teacher 
  200. >She has to expand the town to accommodate their needs, and all the jobs they'll need when they get older
  201. >Five generations and nearly 26,000 foals (each mare in his herd had six) later, you can still tell the descendants of man apart from regular ponies because of their incisors.
  204. >Celestia had a hardcore predator fetish.
  205. >It's no use because she's the most powerful being in the world.
  206. >anon is ignorant of this
  207. >satisfies her need to be 'hunted' and dominated
  208. >is completely unaware she's powerful enough to break every bone in his body or flat out vaporize him
  209. >she has to bend over backwards to prevent him from finding out and ruining her favorite fantasy of being a weak, easily dominated mare
  210. >In bed, Celestia accidentally zaps Anon one day out of pure reaction.
  211. >She feels terrible that she just killed her lover and the only human.
  212. >He gets back up, dazed and a bit singed, but not dead.
  213. >Turns out, while he has no outright immunity, he does have a heavy resistance to magic for some strange reason.
  214. >Celestia can actually fight back in bed now, and doesn't have a overwhelming chance to win.
  215. >He could ACTUALLY eat her even if she gave it her all.
  216. >UNF
  217. >The guards don't even bother to investigate the sounds of struggle anymore.
  222. >Well Anon, you finally did it.
  223. >You're getting married to your wifu.
  224. >There is just one small problem about being the male equivalent to a bride in horse world.
  225. >They have some of the weirdest marriage proposals and ceremonies.
  231. Celestia constantly sexually harasses people around her, and having a direct line to twilight, she gets the brunt of it. Along comes anon, who can give as good as he gets, but celestia has no idea who it is, as he signs all the letters anonymous (Take it as anon fell through in ponyville and twilight wanted to show celestia she is capable of handling matters on her own.) and never told her about him, or that it was even a him. 
  233. Let this escalate
  234. Tell it from celestias pov
  235. Have her take a minor vacation to ponyville to find out who is responding to her in every way she likes
  236. Have it all anon with spike running up to him with scrolls, sealed documents, and what not. 
  237. [In short, Celestia sends sekuhara letters to twilight, but anon answers them.]
  242. >>Ponies think Anon might be getting homesick
  243. >>They start wearing clothes and walking around on their hindlegs whenever he's around
  244. >>Anon is confuse but is starting to like things this way
  245. >>Bonus: Celestia now towers over Anon being a whole head taller when standing on her hind hooves
  250. >Rainbow Dash regularly just walks into Anon's house when she wants to talk to him
  251. >Ponies don't have much of a sense of personal space, so this is common amongst their kind
  252. >Horse houses don't even have locks on their doors
  253. >Rainbow Dash can't find Anon right away and starts wandering room to room looking for him
  254. >Walks into what she later learns is his bedroom
  255. >Finds him sitting on his bed, masturbating
  256. >Awkward silence
  257. >Rainbow runs out, yelling apologizes in her wake
  258. >Rainbow is confused
  259. >"Colts don't do that!"
  260. >As far as she's concerned, stallions don't even go to the bathroom; now she finds her innocent (if willfully ignorant) worldview shattered
  265. > Anon is a professor of Prosaic Studies at Celestia's school of gifted unicorns
  266. > That is, physics, chemistry, and pugilism
  267. > He dabbles in runes and rituals to handle the shenanigans his students try to pull
  268. > He lets them have one telekinetic lick at his shaft before he gives them the magical equivalent of hitting your funny bone
  269. > He has decent pull in faculty meetings, partly because he is head of his department, partly because he's one of two male professors there
  270. > His colleagues flirt with varying amounts of shamelessness
  271. > Friday nights, he drinks with Celestia and they share stories about the stupid things the students do
  276. >Twi births a centaur.
  277. >Its a girl!
  278. >Alls good until teenage rebellion hits.
  279. >She escapes home and visits Tartarus to see Tirek.
  280. >"It's not a phase, mom! Tirek, like, understands me and stuff!"
  281. >Anon patiently waits for Tirek to accidentally impregnate his daughter and then run when he gets the news that he's going to be a father
  282. >If Anon didn't let his daughter experience the consequences of her actions, then how will she learn?
  283. >Twist: Tirek embraces fatherhood and wants to rise child as his heir.
  285. >It could actually be an appropriately feelsy story for RGRE. The homme fatale, so hurt by the betrayal of his brother, finds family that he can love again, family that doesn't use his love of them like a weapon or a chain, until he finds himself willingly "tied down".
  290. >Johnny Bravo in RGRE
  291. >Unlike earth, he's got females almost literally throwing themselves at him.
  292. >Just one flex, and they're fighting over who gets him. 
  293. >But they're ponies, not babes...
  294. >[Internal Conflict]
  296. >Be Johnny Bravo in Equestria.
  297. >You were wooing a sweet sweet momma by showing her how you could lift a stature of a horse.
  298. >She got all freaky and screamed about magic.
  299. >You honestly believed the only magic around there was how smokin' hot she was.
  300. >You were wrong.
  301. >The statue broke while you were holding it.
  302. >You guess they didn't use good materials.
  303. >The thing just fell apart.
  304. >And then you found out that that hot hot women weren't the only magical thing around.
  305. >You were pulled into a weird trippy hole in the world thing and ended up here.
  306. >Some town full of magic pony people.
  307. >"Whoa daddy, look at that sweet guy over there."
  308. >"Excuse me sir, can I have a minute?"
  309. >You turn to whoever's speaking.
  310. >There's a cream furred winged pony with an orange mane.
  311. "What is it, little pony thing?"
  312. >"Are you one of Celestia's angels? Because you are smokin' hot."
  319. >RGRE
  320. >Football is seen as super colty, basically the Equestrian equivalent of women's mma
  321. >Yeah they're tough and strong, but mares like AJ are watching it are in it for the colt on colt
  322. >Rarity got into it by watching all of her dad's games
  323. >Knows stats, plays, every detail about players and coaches
  324. >Anon watches it with her because it is the most human entertainment ponies' have.
  325. >Despite most colts being limp-wristed fairies, football players are just the same as on Earth.
  326. >Plays a quick game with Rarity's dad when meeting the parents
  327. >Still throws the mean spiral that he did in high school
  328. >average for a human but being able to throw that far is unseen with even the best unicorn players
  330. So
  331. >Hondo Flanks trains Anon to be a pro football player helping Anon live up to is Bundy-esque dreams. Basically Rocky, but with football and ponies
  333. >Anon plays with the local stallions garnering attention from a random scout. Amazing him with blitz and shotgun plays. With Rarity torn between worrying that Anon's newfound fame will lead him to meet much more marely mares than herself and being supportive of him reaching his dreams
  335. >Anon plays with the local stallions garnering attention from the local mares who weren't really interested before finding their clits getting hard at sweaty, musky Anon in football tights and half a shirt. All while Rarity beats back the oncoming horde of "fans" from moving in on her man all led by the mareliest mare in Ponyville, Applejack. Who doesn't know a thing about football other than hot males roughhousing, but tries to act like she is a superfan too
  337. or
  338. >Rarity is worried that she has an Electra complex due to how much Anon is like her father when she sees them horsing around. Both Janefillies, both big and strong, both hold her and stroke her mane when she cries, both are perfectly fine with how colty she is. This is made all the worse by the fact that her family loves him and her dad all but demands she marries Anon
  344. >"Anon! A poor colt like you shouldn't have to plow all that snow in the cold!"
  345. >Scrape
  346. Huh? What?
  347. >Oh, it's Spergle. She's in some sort of carriage with a blade on it.
  348. >You load up another plow full of snow, and grip near the end, tossing it onto your almost meter high snowbank
  349. >"Here, I'll do it for you."
  350. >Her horn lights up, which to you by now is a telltale sign of trouble, and your shovel is yanked out of your hands and deep into the snowbank.
  351. >It triggers a mini avalanche, spilling snow all over your previously clean walkway.
  352. T-Twilight! Damnit, I don't need any h-
  353. >You quickly step out of the way as her now glowing carriage surges past you, clearing whatever's infront of it but making a mess of the sides.
  354. Watch where you're going!
  355. >"I can't! It's out of controooool!"
  356. >You get an eyeful of firm booty has the carriage presses up against her plot and the whole contraption spins out, crashes into the snowbank, and fucking explodes.
  357. >Thanks, cartoon physics.
  358. >Pretty much all of your work over the last half hour's undone.
  359. >You saunter over to the debris, and Twilight, who pokes her head out.
  360. >Snow falls down her shaking mane.
  361. >It's actually kind of pretty.
  362. Mare's job, huh?
  363. >"S-sh-sh-sh-shut u-u-up-p-pbbbrbrbrrr..."
  364. >The snow can wait.
  365. >You pick up the half-frozen mare and carry her inside, patting her cute little pony butt and listening to her whispers of "Whimsy" or something like that.
  367. >The hot chocolate's still a bit hot, but it's fine considering how cold you were.
  368. >Nonny has you wrapped up in a blanket around you. Both of you watch as the CMC clear Anon's walkway with their own tiny snow shovels.
  369. >They're slower, but at least they're thorough.
  370. >Meanwhile, your plan worked. Anon's cuddling you! Maybe you'll get some dick tonight too.
  371. >Until then, you nuzzle into his chest and snooze
  377. >Ponies. being as expressive as they are, have advanced vocal cords.
  378. >They can talk, sing, whistle, mewl, purr, yelp, yip, chirp, coo, whine, neigh, whinny, and other sounds.
  379. >The expressive faces, with large eyes, swiveling ears, flicking tails, tilted heads, and even hoof gestures add another layer of complexity to conversation. 
  380. >Talking to a pony is anywhere from perfectly clear to total guesswork because of this.
  381. >Their physiology also reflects their speech.
  382. >The variable make-up of their bodies makes calling them ponies, referring to a direct relation to earth horses, almost totally incorrect.
  383. >The soft hooves, unreal agility, extreme hardiness, high level of flexibility, jaw strength, plush fur, varied (and sometimes extra) senses, gender skew, use of magic and countless other things borrow from a medley of mostly mammal creatures.
  384. >And this is not even counting the odd, sometimes nonsensical social customs and rituals that can vary based on location, hierarchy, race of pony, family, clan, and other things.
  385. >A human in such a place would be an alien in an alien land indeed.
  386. >Though, trying to live in such a place with such creatures is not without reward...
  392. >Despite how the gender skew should have made things easier, Lyra the eccentric lyre player is one of the few ponies who finds you attractive.
  393. >Take up her offer for a date. 
  394. >And later, a full relationship.
  395. >With an indifferent (at first) Bonbon along for the ride, of course.
  396. >And it's everything you ever wanted. A real relationship with not one, but two real wome - er, mares. 
  397. >Little do you know, Lyra and Bonbon are thinking the same thing.
  398. >FreaksInLove.mp4
  400. >Ponies talk about Anon, Lyra, and Bon Bon behind their backs
  401. >Some of the nastier ponies laugh as they pass by
  402. >Then they start witnessing how Anon and his mares are genuinely happy together
  403. >thelaughterstops.png
  404. >Several mares become intimately aware that they are, in fact, single
  410. >Lyra is a humaboo
  411. >Completely obsessed with humans as per usual
  412. >But she hasn't quite made the leap to thinking Humans are for Sexual
  413. >It wouldn't be very difficult to get her to that point, but she ain't a monkeyfucker yet
  414. >Humans are for snuggles, ear scratchies, and belly rubs
  416. >Bon Bon on the other hand, is also a humaboo, though she zealously hides that from everybody but Lyra
  417. >And she *definitely* thinks Humans are for Sexual
  418. >She tries her hardest to keep Lyra from finding out the depths of her perversion
  420. >Then Anon shows up.
  426. ponies are alien anyways, and their basic musculature; huge, expressive eyes; usually nice voices; and incredibly smooth, silky, plush coat means that any Anon willing to fuck a horse in the first place will find them physically satisfactory.
  427. So Moondancer, whose cutie mark shape is unbalanced, whose horn spiral is slightly uneven, who has this slightly too sharp shape to her eyes puts her firmly below average in pony beauty (her smell isn't sweet enough either), but with the gender skew is probably going to be dating her hoof forever. In comes Anon, who loves her personalities and interests, and is genuinely confused when she explains how unattractive she is to other ponies. He tries to explain little things about the shape of his nose and width of his jaw and how those made him below average to humans and she's like, "Uh, what? But you smell like sex on wheels! Why would anyone care about something like that? You say those are acne scars? I like them, they're as cute as freckles, why would they be bad?"
  429. Anon ends up with a herd of ponies that legitimately do have the best personalities around (one or two are even ravishing by pony standards, and love that they've finally found someone who legitimately doesn't care), and he finds every single one irresistible.
  431. My favorite offshoot idea was that Twilight was also unattractive, until she ascended, which polished her to an exemplary beauty (maybe not super model, but clearly pretty). Even her friends are by turns jealous or admiring. Anon's the first one in her life who barely commented aside from how neat it is that she has wings now
  437. >Anon learns to bake
  438. >Gets pretty good
  439. >Always free samples to his good friends
  440. >*insert random Ponyville celebration here*
  441. >Lots of friends and family join up
  442. >SCC specializes in pure sweets; cookies, cakes, etc
  443. >Anon has fresh bread, buttered rolls, scones, bagels, muffins, and pastries
  444. >Everypone surprised a stallion besides Carrot knows how to work an oven
  445. >Even more surprised that breads can taste so good
  446. >Like a woman managing the perfect grilled steak every time without needing any sauce to fix
  447. >Makes him a hit with mares who enjoy their food
  448. >Pinkie is happy that Anon is getting attention, but is concerned with how much Mrs. Cake keeps 'adjusting' her tail
  453. Mares are the men of the horse world. They won't be too critical of excuses to have sex all the time with their husbands.
  455. >You whip out your penis.
  456. "I heard sex during pregnancy can cure cancer."
  457. >Your mare is already on top of you before you even finish your sentence.
  458. >"Well, you can never be too careful."
  463. >Anon and Twilight have seven foals
  464. >Eventually it gets a little too much for Anon, but they've spaced them out enough so that the oldest can help out with the youngest
  465. >Twilight wants more foals though, so they wait until the first four are out the door
  466. >They have more and more foals like this
  467. >Anon still remembers all their names and loves them all
  468. >The two of them are still having babbies when their firstborn has a foal of her own
  469. >Turns out constant exposure to the magical ejaculation of an alicorn's horn has plenty of health benefits for Anon
  470. >Anon's spawn become so numerous in ponyville the family now not only controls it legally, but economically
  471. >Anon's children have to start moving out of ponyville because other ponies are hesitant to join "The Family"
  472. >Fifty years later, Princess Twilight and Anon's family gatherings fill up her entire castle and require tents outside, because the new Inns are all full up with her family
  477. >Seashell injures herself for the millionth time in Ponyville
  478. >This time, something broke, and she has go under physical therapy for a while
  479. >Cripple pone regrets letting Seashell stay at her place during her recovery
  480. >Seashell is happy because Cripple's house is really big, and the tall doctor gives nice massages, too
  485. > Luna is an antisocial weeb
  486. >Humans appear frequently in pony anime
  487. >Luna routinely has her guards abduct Anon to spend time with her
  488. >She doesn't seem to grasp that kidnapping people is wrong
  489. >She's confused
  490. >In all the time they've spent together, he hasn't 'accidently' fallen dick-first into her face
  491. >Or tripped and caught the waistband of his pants on the corner of a table so that his pants are pulled down
  492. >Or accidently buried his face in her genitals
  493. >Or stumbled across her collection of lewd human sexual pornography magazines and offered to teach her first hand
  494. >Has anime lied to her?
  496. one of the guards should point out the fact that she's using tactics in animus that never, ever lead to sex or a relationship, and should therefore follow the tactics, techniques, and procedures outlined in her favorite doujins of hentai series.
  498. >Anon and Luna (through some contrived courting ritual) have sex
  499. >Luna is disappointed that he does not loudly proclaim that he's going to make her pregnant and/or give her his foals
  500. >She's also disappointed that his speech was limited to grunts and mumbled declarations of love, rather than things like "if I cum any more I'll die" or "your vagina is milking my penis of all its sperm"
  502. >Anon's having a nice dream about apples or whatever
  503. >Suddenly, he's standing at the foot of his bed, with a little girl laying on it
  504. >"What are we going to do in the bed, Oni-chan?"
  505. "Goddamn Luna, I'm not acting out your fucked up, and might I add tired and clichéd, fantasies!"
  506. >The girl crosses her arms and sighs
  507. >"You are much less fun than my Japonies Animes promised, Anonymous."
  509. What are we going to do on the bed, Princess?
  510. >Pomf
  511. B-but you poop from there
  512. >"Not this night, Anonymous"
  519. >The innocent pic of Redheart.
  521. >"Hello, sweetie! Admiring my mouth, are you? I bet you didn't know that I can practically suck a bowling ball through a silly straw with these little lips, could you?"
  522. >"Perhaps you'd care to find out~<3?"
  524. >"I'm afraid the diagnosis is Male Hysteria, Mr. Faggot."
  525. "...Male Hysteria?"
  526. >"Yes. Certain bodily functions may create a buildup of fluids that become poisonous to the individual if they are not drained in time."
  527. "If you wanted to give me a blow--"
  528. >"PLEASE, Mr. Faggot, I'm trying to remain professional here. No reason to use such crass language to describe a standard medical procedure."
  529. "And there's nothing wrong with this?"
  530. >"No need to worry your sweet little head over this, Mr. Faggot. These lips of mine could suck the melon out of a cantaloupe, so this won't hurt a bit. Please undo those pants and get on the table."
  532. >"Also, maybe don't tell the other doctors and nurses that I'm doing this for you."
  533. "Why's that?"
  534. >You know why.
  535. >Because this procedure is bullshit and she's using your ignorance of pony culture to give you a blowjob.
  536. >Backwards Equestria is weird, but you don't complain when it gives you free blowjobs.
  537. >"W-Well, the machine we use is all the way across the hospital, and it's a lot quicker if I just do it the old fashioned way.
  539. >"Thank you for answering our call on such short-notice, Anonymous."
  540. "I came as fast as I could, Nurse Redheart. What's the situation?"
  541. >You could swear she twitched when you talked. Must be bad.
  542. >"Please come with me."
  543. >She leads you into a room with a mare on the little doctor's table.
  544. >You think you recognize her eyes. Derpy?
  545. >She blushes and turns away from you.
  546. >"This is indeed a dire situation, Anonymous. Are you willing to help her out?"
  547. "Sure, anything you need."
  548. >The nurse hands you a small collection of papers, full of graphs and numbers and charts.
  549. >You don't understand any of it, because they're all obfuscated terms.
  550. >Levels of "Serum F" and "Percent of Berry-Humor" and such
  551. "What does this all mean, doc?"
  552. >"She will soon succumb to Mare Hysteria if she doesn't get the balance of her Humors in check, and you're the best source of the Essence she needs. One dose should be enough for a few months, but her situation has become dire."
  553. "Okay...and what would mean what?"
  554. >"Your Male Essence. You or I need to administer a dose, orally or anally, for her to return to normal levels. Otherwise it might jeopardize her basic functioning and make her unable to care for her work or her foal."
  555. >...
  556. >You look at Derpy.
  557. "And you're ok with this?"
  558. >She looks up at you from the floor and nods bashfully.
  559. >You look back at Nurse Redheart, who is staring at you with a grim face.
  560. "Seriously? This is the cure?"
  562. >"Yes, Anonymous. I realize you are still learning about a pony's biology and physical needs, but this is the method we use here to resolve issues like this. You're also bound by the doctor-patient confidentiality clause you signed when you volunteered to help at the clinic."
  563. >You sign and raise your eyebrows at the both of them.
  564. "Fine, fine, I'll help...wait, what did you mean 'orally or anally'? And how would you do it?"
  565. >"Your emission will be either directly administered to her with her method of choice, or I will extract it myself and inject it in whichever orifice she chooses."
  566. "Extract? No need to sound so clinical for this."
  567. >She gives you a deadpan look.
  568. >"There is. We're in a clinic right now."
  569. "You're not going to be using a tool or something, are you?"
  570. >"What? No, none of our tools would work on you. They are all designed for pony physiology, so either of us would have to extract it the 'old fashioned way,' to put it in layman's terms."
  571. "Oh-kay. So, how are we going to do this?"
  572. >Nurse Redheart hands you a vial with a glowing liquid in it.
  573. >"Please imbibe this and wait five minutes for it to work. It will increase your body's production to the levels required for a full dose for about an hour, but it will need some time to work. Please drink two of these next."
  574. >She points to several glass measuring cups from the lab, each with about a quart of water.
  576. "Whoa, alright."
  577. >You down the little potion which tastes like strawberries and grass, then down a quart of the water.
  578. >After only a few seconds, you feel a tingling sensation across your body, and your crotch feels...heavier.
  579. >"Ms. Hooves, how would you like your dose administered? Please consider all your available options."
  580. >She blushes and rubs one of her hooves on her foreleg, looking down at the paper for a few seconds.
  581. >"A-anally," she answers and looks up at you both.
  582. >Somehow.
  583. >You raise your eyes at that. Back home people would have taken a dozen needles in the arm before using that "method."
  584. >Nurse Redheart doesn't bat an eye and turns to open a cupboard, pulling out a little squeeze bottle and setting it on the counter. She then turns to review her notes on the counter.
  585. >You look at her for a moment, waiting for her say something.
  586. "Uh, are you going to give the two of us some privacy?"
  587. >She snaps her head at you and gives you a look as if you had just asked if the sun moved on its own.
  588. >You remember this face.
  589. >"By Celestia, no! You're only a volunteer, Anonymous. You'll need a medical professional to be in the room to oversee the procedure and make sure the dose is administered properly."
  590. "O-oh."
  591. >"Not to mention I'll need to put you under another hour of medical supervision afterwards to handle the lingering effects of the potion. Your body may not clear out the medicine as quickly as a pony's does."
  592. >As you sit there manspreading from the potion, feeling your balls swell to about twice their regular size, you step back mentall for a moment wondering just how you got yourself into this situation.
  598. >Twilight's friends make fun of her relentlessly when she admits that she's sexually submissive. 
  599. >Goes on for some time.
  600. >Finally, she gets fed up and angrily tells them to watch what she means.
  601. >Thinking it was some sort of joke, the other five agree and hide out in Twilight's room for this "show"
  602. >It seems like less of a joke when Twi unashamedly rubs herself off a few times, filling the room with her scent.
  603. >Even less of a joke when she calls in Anon, who pops a stiffy the instant he gets one breath of the Twi-filled air.
  604. >It can't be that easy, can it..?
  605. >When Twilight finally bends over and gives her pudgy rump a shake at the painfully aroused human, the other five are treated to a show like no other.
  606. >One or two might even get a new fetish.
  612. >Anon visits Cadence's room just before the wedding
  613. >Knows she's an imposter
  614. >Decides to spin a tale of how he and Cadence used to be together before Shining came into the picture
  615. >Plays the "quiet, shy" young stallion stereotype and says that he wanted to see her before she was wed
  616. >Reminisces about the moments they shared, the love they had for one another, and the empty and fleeting promises they made to each other as they breathlessly exchanged kisses
  617. >Asks for one last kiss before she's officially married
  619. Have chrysalis call him out on his Bulls hit because she senses the insincerity from his emotions.
  621. Now have her rib on him for being such a sad individual who old do such a thing as make these lies. Have her target his insecurities. Now have her have a slight interest in this strange stallion trying to be just as manipulative as her.
  623. Maybe anon doesn't get interest from ponies so this is sort of his joking but deep down real pleasure for affection. 
  629. I want smooth as ice James Bond Bon Bon. She uncovers, fights and captures a changeling trying to capture Anon while keeping Anon oblivious and seducing him at the same time.
  630. A couple times her cover is almost surely blown due to forces out of her control, but Anon just blows it off as silly ponies being silly.
  636. >Preening is extremely important to pegasi and catbirds.
  637. >Twilight unfortunately had a little accident and is stuck with a neck brace which leaves her unable to take care of her wings.
  638. >Can't ask another mare to do it because it might give the wrong idea about which team she bats for.
  639. >Asking a stallion is tantamount to a marriage proposal.
  640. >The only option left is to ask Anon, who doesn't understand the implications of the act, to do it for her.
  641. >All the while keeping their arrangement secret so no pony can accuse her of taking advantage of the naive Anon.
  649. >Fresh off the rock farm teen Pinkie who's somehow even cuter and bouncier and insanely filled with hormones but too traditional and sheltered to know how to react to Anon
  650. >Teen Applejack, after her parents died she's an emotional wreck and falls for Anon harder than a journalist falls for a rape hoax
  651. >Teen Fluttershy, halfway between her adult model looks and the awkward gangly lanky look of her earlier years, still picked on mercilessly by her peers, Anon is her only refuge
  652. >Teen Rarity, still a hopeless romantic but without the confidence her succesful business brings her, she's so desperate to make things work she'd do anything. ANYTHING.
  653. >Teen Rainbow Dash... probably a pretty cunty jock desu. But she ends up running a train on you with the rest of the all mares hoofball team. Worth putting up with her cuntiness to end up swimming in hot fit teen marepuss. Somehow still with you even after you've been passed around the entire hoofball team, and brings you flowers after she forgets your birthday like you thought she would.
  654. >Teen Twilight is a shut in nervous wreck going through exams. Her few friend barely see her anymore and she's practically killing herself studying. it takes a bit of work to convince her to spend time with you instead of studying, and she's a stuttering mess most of the time around you. But years of furiously clopping with a hammer hoof has left her surprisingly receptive to the brutal anger fucking you give her after she blows you off for the third time to study. The time you spend with her is short, far between, but leaves you exhausted and satisfied.
  660. >Lyra & Bon Bon, "best friends" forever
  661. >Lyra is shorter, less curvy, has weirder interests
  662. >Bon Bon is tall, has big tits, child-bearin' hips, and likes all sorts of feminine things like rough football, motorcycles, and falling asleep on the couch after eating too much pizza
  663. >Lyra initially introduced the "we're a package deal" thing for courting because she didn't honestly expect any man to be interested in her, and was counting on the deal to work her way when Bon Bon inevitably lands a hot guy
  664. >Cue Anon, who shows interest in Lyra instead of Bon Bon
  665. >Lyra could cut the "package deal" thing, grab Anon, and never let go
  666. >Instead, she loyally sticks to the deal and offers to turn their relationship into whatever word for "herd" that the human version of horseland uses
  668. >Lyra has a bad judge of character
  669. >Stallions take advantage of her
  670. >The most recent one is why Lyra lives with Bon Bon instead of, you know, her house
  671. >It's because she doesn't have one any more.
  672. >Bon Bon is fiercely protective of her friend and only lets up when she's satisfied that Anon won't screw Lyra over
  673. >After that, she's the sweetest mare in the world
  681. >Opposite of that.
  682. >Being tall and slender with a defined face is seen as the one of the hallmarks of regal beauty.
  683. >Meaning that alicorns are the most desirable pony race by far.
  684. >In comes you, now the tallest being in Equestria.
  685. >Add that to your long limbs, your relatively narrow profile, and your foal-like face (small yet defined facial features.) and ponies look at you like humans look at alicorns.
  686. >Majestic, yet adorable in an otherworldly way.
  687. >You may not fill a few other things that ponies find attractive, but being exotic makes up for much of that.
  688. >Can't take even 10 steps outside before ponies crowd around.
  689. >Even the most macho mares become shy yet are still compelled to vy for your attention.
  690. >Stallions practically mow each other down to get close and enthusiastically try to befriend you, like how girls in highschool form a clique around the pretty girls. 
  691. >You're not real sure how to take it.
  696. >Humans are to ponies in popular fantasy what elves are to humans.
  697. >Haughty perfect mary-sues with more powers and perfect "quirk"s than can be counted that every lonely fa/tg/irl either furiously masturbates to or hates irrationally. Sometimes both. 
  698. >Then, a human. AKA you, pops into Equestria.
  699. >Right in the middle of a Dugouts n Drakes convention filled with nerd mares and the occasional poser stallion.
  705. >Anon has a marefriend
  706. >Luna has taken interest in Anon
  707. >Luna doesn't do anything malicious to him or his marefriend, but she has the power and money that allows her to butt in at inappropriate and inconvenient times
  708. >Sitting at the table next to theirs at a restaurant
  709. >Talking loudly in the movie theatre just a few rows down from Anon and his marefriend
  710. >Writing out the words "buck off he's mine" in the stars while Anon and his marefriend stargaze
  711. >Anon and Marefriend make love
  712. >Lean in to kiss
  713. >Luna's head pokes out from the covers and goes in between them
  715. >Luna is in your fridge drinking all your soda and beer when you open the door to get something cold to drink
  716. >"This ale - be it thine mare's?"
  717. "No, it's mine."
  718. >"Then thou should be thankful We art here, fair Anonymous. It isn't proper for an unwed colt to be drinking of the alcohols."
  720. >Drunk Luna tries to make constellations in the sky for you 
  721. "Alright, Luna, what do you have to show me."
  722. >" 'tis... 'tis a present. We gifted upon thee a... buckin' beauty amongst the stars that nary rivals thine own."
  723. >You look up at the sky and see a bunch of stars connected to make a vagina
  724. "Luna? Is that-"
  725. >Luna begins laughing loudly and falls over
  731. > Anon wears the absolute worst Hawaiian shirts and plaid pants
  732. > Tie die and neon biker shorts
  733. > Rarity has to be held back from destroying his wardrobe
  734. > Twilight theorizes that Anon is wearing mating plummage to attract a female, even though there are no human females on Equestria
  735. > It's just so tragic, putting on a display that will never work
  736. > Rainbow and Fluttershy are confused
  737. > Normally it's female pegasi that put on showy displays to impress the male's
  738. > So why are they a little turned on by Anon in his Grateful Dead t-shirt and blue polka dot overalls?
  739. > Ponks is in love
  740. > Applejack dismisses it as coltish whimsy
  745. >Anon brazenly stares at the backsides of mares and their marely bits
  746. >They welcome the attention and don't bother to hide it
  747. >Stallions throughout town grow resentful of Anon's sluttery
  748. >Anon keeps a list of the size, shape, and desirability of the clit of every mare in town
  749. >Writes it in his stupid writing system from back home
  750. >Twilight sneaks into his home one night and copies it
  751. >Spends a week deciphering stupid human writing system
  756. >anon cant speak horse
  757. >but can read pony body language fairly well
  758. >coupled with humanlike facial expressions and animalistic behaviors
  759. >they wag their tails when happy
  760. >ears fold back when theyre sad/annoyed
  761. >and theyre all so ADORABLE 
  762. >anon picks up and pet any pony that greets him
  763. >pony is flustered but dismisses it as alien colt whimsy 
  764. >other pones try to take advantage of anon's ignorance
  765. >but anon can see it coming
  766. >he just picks them up and pets them too
  767. >flustered pone cant continue or else her maresculity card would be revoked
  771. >Anon, due to the way he arrived in Equestria, shows up naked as the day he was born
  772. >In a perfectly spherical indention in the ground and wall
  773. >Ponies don't understand his want for clothes
  774. >They take away any cloth because it'd be impolite to be so lewd in public, or in front of the princesses
  775. >He still thinks all these little ponies are adorable
  776. >He picks up and pets every single one that comes up to him
  777. >Even the princesses, who are surprisingly light compared to him
  778. >However, nopony can get him hard
  779. >After a while, a prize pot is established for whoever can
  780. >Luna and Celestia both made the pot quite large
  781. >No one can convince Anon that ponies are for sexual
  787. >Get send to RGREquestria.
  788. >Inb4 REEEEE
  789. >Get transformed into a bad OC while you're at it. 
  790. >You are now Kagome in every teen girl's Inuyasha fanfic ever.
  791. >That is to say, you're loaded down with dumb powers and everyone the opposite gender wants to fuck you. 
  792. >Need to find a way back to your real body, and ASAP.
  798. >Anon winds up in a different spot in each of the alternate timelines
  799. >Crystal War: he ends up a pin-up model because nopony will let him fight on the front lines
  800. >Gets put on trading cards included in MREs, along with a bunch of other stallions
  801. >Nightmare Moon's Victory: Nightmare Moon makes him learn to love her
  802. >Twilight nearly goes nuclear when he sees him laying on her throne like a babe in Conan
  803. >Changeling Victory: Teaches the ponies to go Far Cry on Chrysalis' ass
  804. >only has loincloth for clothes
  805. >Tribe shares him between themselves
  806. >Twilight stays a little too long when they invite her to spend some time with him
  808. >Back in the primary timeline
  809. >Twilight documents her encounter in incredible detail
  810. >Creates anatomy drawings and notes
  811. >Passes them around her friends
  812. >Anon wonders why Twilight and co are acting all weird now
  817. >After seeing how much trouble that the mane six get into, Anon decides that he want to settle with a more normal mare.
  818. >While not an unfit slouch, adventure just isn't his thing.
  819. >Hell, being a house husband sounds NICE.
  820. >The six are baffled that this exotic and surprisingly pleasant male keeps rebuffing their attempts to deepen their relationship beyond "Acquaintances"
  821. >it goes against all they know.
  827. Anonymous, having acquired what passes for a computer and an internet connection, is pleasantly surprised to stumble across Equestria's version of 4chan.
  829. After lurking for a while (because only faggots don't know the value of lurking moar,) he decides to do what he's best at - trolling and shitposting, not to mention tripfagging where appropriate to rile up the plebs.
  831. He winds up inadvertently bonding with Princess Luna, who also happens to shitpost, troll, and tripfag - albeit under an assumed name. It's not proper decorum for royalty to be seen doing such things, after all.
  833. That bonding eventually turns to dating, and nobody seems to be smart enough to draw the obvious parallel between the two most notorious shitposting tripfags suddenly being in a relationship and the latest hot gossip about the relationship between Princess Luna and Anonymous the human.
  835. At least, not until Twilight Sparkle starts looking at the situation…
  838. "And judging by the speech patterns of both of them I have concluded that Anon and Princess Luna are the notorious internet trolls Toohueforu and FatCelestia"
  839. >You finish presenting your findings to Celestia
  840. >She doesnt seem happy about the results
  841. >In fact she as just sat there mumbling since you finished
  842. >"FatCelestia? Really Luna thats so petty! Well see how she likes it when the tables are turned!"
  843. >Celestia finally locks eyes with you again
  844. >"Oh Twilight how versed are you on shitposting?"
  845. "I studdied over 200 years worth of historical shitposting when preparing this so I could correctly classify ea-"
  846. >"Perfect!" Celestia announces cutting you off
  847. >"Tomorrow we shall get started!"
  848. >You look at her confused
  849. "Get started with what Princess?"
  850. >She gets a wide and evil looking smile on her face
  851. >"With my plan to drive those trolls off of ponychan Twilight!"
  856. >"Oh look, Anon's DVD collection!"
  857. >"Dirty... Hairy? Ooh, I didn't know he was into this! Let's see what colts schlick to..."
  858. two hours later
  859. >"That was not a porno. That was not a porno at all. B-but why am I so wet?"
  864. >Estrus is the only time that mares act like traditional females. 
  865. >Rainbow crawls into your lap, pushing your book away.
  866. >She looks up at you, her smiling face red and her eyes just a bit glassy.
  867. >Pawing at your chest, she mewls out that she wants a foal.
  872. >Herds are a common thing, but they're almost always a single tribe deal
  874. >Pony standards of beauty for Earth Ponies are vastly different than from Pegasi or Unicorns.
  875. >Most Stallions are only sexually attracted to their own kind of pony
  877. >Occasionally you'll find a stallion that bucks tradition and goes after 'exotic' mares
  878. >A Pegasus who prefers that Thicc Earth Pony booty over the more streamlined pegasus form for instance
  879. >But it's not very common
  881. >Mix-and-match herds are rare, even if the mares would otherwise be fine with it or prefer it, because good luck getting a stallion to go along with that.
  882. >This has been a bit of a problem for ponies like Octavia and Vinyl, or Lyra and Bon Bon, who would love to find a stallion together, but a colt who wants both of them doesn't seem to exist.
  884. >Enter Anon
  889. >Working class mare living paycheck to paycheck
  890. >Mare loses mane in industrial accident
  891. >Due to a variety of factors, like not giving a fuck, not being to afford a proper wig, and losing a bet to her friends while drunk, is wearing wooden liberty spikes
  892. >Looks really silly but she's tough enough that no one would mess with her anyway
  893. >In comes Anon
  894. >Sees pony seems to be wearing a gnarled spiky helmet and thinks its the most metal thing he's seen in Equestria so far
  895. >Walks up and starts talking to the mare, compliments her headwear
  896. >ConfusedAndFlusteredToughGirl.parchment
  901. >Anon is involved in a shipwreck.
  902. >He and his herd take control of the situation to rescue all the passengers.
  903. >Anon's lifeguard skills help him save stallions and little colts and fillies that've gotten separated from their herds.
  904. >Despite his mares' insistence, he refuses to abandon ship until he's the last man (pony) left
  905. >A sudden rupture in the hull causes the slowly sinking ship to quickly capsize
  906. >He's separated from his herd and presumed lost at sea
  908. >A week after his funeral, his mourning herd gets a message
  909. >Anon is alive and well in the seapony kingdom!
  910. >But the seapony mares that rescued him have now claimed him as their stallion
  911. >Shoo shoo be doo RGRE
  913. >If a mare gets together with a seapony stallion, she's lucky
  914. >If a stallion is in a relationship with a seapony, he's obviously been abducted and forced into it
  916. >Anon never even had a herd- he just so happened to be on the same cruise with some asshole mares
  920. >"Hey there good-lookin', how would you like to carry my brood?"
  921. >"Look at them sexy legs, unf. It makes my fins go all a-quiver!"
  922. >"Ugh, I can't see! Is he taking his shorts off yet?"
  923. >Sigh
  924. >It seems like no matter where you go you just can't escape this reversed gender role fuckery
  925. >All you wanted to do was go to the beach alone, without ANY mares, and RELAX
  926. >Maybe even catch a few rays. Maybe get a little tan
  927. >But no, soon after you arrived three weird looking fish-mares jumped up on a nearby rock and started catcalling you.
  928. >You try your best to ignore them and lay back on your beach towel letting the sun soak into your skin and closed your eyes
  929. >After a while the light behind your eyelids go dark, as if you were being covered by a big shadow
  930. >That didn't make any sense, there wasn't a cloud in the sky
  931. >You immediately open your eyes and immediately freeze up at what you see
  932. >A gigantic fishpone snuck up on you while you were sleeping
  933. >"Um, would you like to, um, go for a swim? With me. I'm not evil I promise."
  934. >Fucking seaponies
  943. >Celestia grows lazy, meaning Twilight is regularly selected for diplomatic missions
  944. >Anon has nothing better to do, and she wants some company, so she brings him along
  945. >Various meetings bring up all kinds of uncomfortable topics
  946. >Including constant offers to Twilight to marry far-away lands' princes
  947. >Twilight is excited at first, thinking she'll end up with a beautiful colt who is fair, does housework, and gives good head
  948. >As she journeys further and further however, discovers that the other races are frankly disgusting and her dream prince is nowhere to be found
  949. >Gets sick of it all eventually, but knows she can't give up her job
  950. >Eventually just decides to marry Anon, not out of love, but just for some peace of mind
  951. >Something something RGRE
  953. >Anon can see through her bullshit.
  954. >Mostly because she openly admits why.
  955. >Can't decide between marrying a princess for political reasons or keeping himself pure for his future waifu.
  958. >Twi is honestly uncomfortable with the idea of marrying some male she barely knows.
  959. >It goes against her fairly chivalrous nature. 
  960. >But the pressure she's faces from other nations that want an easily moldable foothold in Equestria quickly becomes overwhelming. 
  961. >Before Twilight breaks under the constant offers, Anon swoops in and pretends to be her lover, one so devoted and perfect that none of the arranged husbands could compete.
  962. >To be sure his friend is out of trouble, Anon even does some demeaning things expected of males to complete his image, though not without teeth-gritting reluctance. 
  963. >The flood of marriage contracts stops cold.
  964. >Twilight is beyond grateful for the peace, and now has Anon at her side whenever possible.
  965. >Somewhere down the line, however, the acting between the two starts to become real.
  967. Well, do you think we'll be able to get along for the rest of our lives?
  968. >"If you'd stop making fun of my plot, sure."
  969. >Twilight stops at the table, and smiles at you
  970. >"I was more worried you would find all of my... hobbies... weird."
  971. Everyone's got their own strange 'hobby', Twi. I'm no different.
  972. >You kneel down in front of her
  973. Besides, we don't have to spend that much time together if you don't want to. We're only pretending to love each other.
  974. >Twilight gives you a hug suddenly, catching you off-balance and you kind of fall into her
  975. >"It's okay Anon, you've become one of my closest friends since our adventures together started. We'll get along just fine."
  976. >She's hugging you a bit too tight.
  977. Don't choke me, Twiggles.
  978. >"I'm just pretending to hug you!" she giggles.
  979. Well, I ain't pretending to like i-
  980. >Soft, warm, wetness presses against your lips
  981. Twi?
  982. >"Just a pretend kiss."
  983. >...
  984. >The fuck is she going on about?
  985. >You stand up, holding the small alicorn in front of you
  986. >She wants to play that game, huh?
  987. >"Oof!" her leg twitches and her hug intensifies while you firmly grasp her booty.
  988. Don't worry, that's a pretend grope.
  989. >"Haha! Pretend..."
  990. >Your head yanks forward into hers again, and this time she slips her tongue into your mouth, then letting go with a pop
  991. Nngh... heh... pretending to make out, right?
  992. >"Haha! Just pretending!"
  993. >The two of you don't stop laughing while you take your pants off
  994. >Twilight grunts as you slam her onto the table, before laughing again
  995. >"Hahaha! I guess we have to pretend to fuck to, right?"
  996. Yep, just pretending!
  997. >You spend the next hour roughly pretending to fuck her on the table, knocking over every plate, utensil, and glass off while she pretended to moan very loudly
  998. >After you pretend to cum inside her, the two of you make your way to her bedroom, where you pretend-cuddle and then pretend to fall asleep together.
  999. >What a legendary prank. You should tell Pinkie.
  1001. >You will never be dragged along with a friend while she visits her family for a few weeks in another city
  1002. >You will never be convinced to pretend to be in a relationship with her to get friends/family off her back
  1003. >You will never put on a big, fake smile and tell an equally false story about how the two of you met
  1004. >You will never go to a nice restaurant for dinner
  1005. >You will never start to feel a bit more relaxed around her family
  1006. >You will never keep the charade up as the days go by
  1007. >You will never sit close to her and enjoy the warmth coming off of her body
  1008. >You will never hold hands in public to keep up the illusion
  1009. >You will never go star-gazing some nights just in case a suspicious relative is watching when you least expect it
  1010. >You will never convince one another (without very much effort involved) that you should share a bed because that's what couples do
  1011. >You will never cuddle under the covers
  1012. >You will never wake up to the sight of your friend's face
  1013. >You will never give each other sleepy smiles
  1014. >You will never eventually go home together
  1015. >You will never realize that her family will continue to ask about your relationship and where it's going
  1016. >You will never decide to keep up the facade of courtship so that the "made up" stories are easier to come up with
  1017. >You will never be this happy
  1026. >Fem Sentry the husbando snatcher.
  1027. >Swoops down and snags you in the middle of town before carrying you away.
  1028. >The REEEEEE of the handful of mares wanting you is audioable for miles. 
  1029. >Life afterward is okay. Despite being a bit of a douche, Fem Sentry's subtle bragging about having the tightest pussy in town is true and she plays guitar.
  1035. >Anon desperate for cash starts looking through his stuff to do for money.
  1036. >Equestria is at a modern level of tech, so most of Anon's books are useless.
  1037. >Except for his monster-girl encyclopedia.
  1038. >Gets the idea to instead make a monster-stallion encyclopedia instead.
  1039. >Starts making a shitload of cash.
  1040. >NEET mares start buying the books in droves.
  1041. >Stallions complain about it.
  1042. >Then a wizard pone tries to make monster husbando real.
  1043. >Shit goes horribly wrong quick has mares are being raped on the streets and stallions are being monsterized.
  1048. "I look like a fucking idiot."
  1049. >"No, you look great!"
  1050. >When you first heard about "underwater breathing device", you thought it was some kind of protection amulet that puts a layer of air around you
  1051. >You were entirely wrong
  1052. "How is having my entire head submerged in a big soap bubble 'great'?"
  1053. >"Well, you can come over to my place now!"
  1054. "And what if this thing pops?"
  1055. >"Nonsense! It's pointy-proof!"
  1056. >To prove her point, sharkwaifu blows a smaller bubble and puts it between her teeth
  1057. >She bites down, and the bubble doesn't pop, instead it just reshapes itself like a squeaky toy
  1058. >You sigh, knowing that there's no way of talking yourself out of this
  1060. >Anon and Bitey visit Ponyville and Twiggles
  1061. >Celestia decides that the Princess of Friendship should try to re-establish relations with the sharkponies
  1062. >She scares off all the stallions because of her teeth
  1063. >Which are all visible almost all the time because she can't contain how happy she is to be exploring the land kingdoms
  1064. >Ponies in general get uncomfortable because the both of them have predator teeth and eat meat
  1065. >Anon has to stop every half-hour or so to spray her down with a squirt bottle full of water and rub it in all over her slick body
  1066. >Twilight stops mid-lecture when he casually pulls it out and starts wetting her down
  1067. >Bitey complains about a tooth bothering her
  1068. >Anon casually reaches into her maw and yanks it out of her face
  1069. >She thanks him
  1070. >Twilight nearly faints and makes an excuse to take a break
  1071. >Anon and Bitey go to the local restaurant that serves fish and, just for fun, eat it like a couple animals
  1072. >Tearing into it with their whole faces, ripping it off the bone and the plate, flinging bits of fish everywhere
  1073. >Both stay in the palace pool room
  1074. >Fuck in Twi's pool for shits and giggles
  1076. >Anon meets a sharkpone at their new embassy in Canterlot while there on a trip with Twilight, who is crushing on him hard
  1077. >He wanders into their embassy, thinking it's an aquarium
  1078. >Winds up trading stories with one of the shark ponies in the huge pool
  1079. >She convinces him to go for a swim with her, thinking he'll make for a good chase for a while
  1080. >He strips down to his boxers and makes her fins go stiff
  1081. >He asks if sharkpones have the same features as sharks back home, like sandpaper skin, weird sensory organs in their snouts, and easily-replaced teeth
  1082. >She lets him rub his wigglers on her skin
  1083. >Oh they feel good against her slick skin
  1084. >Convinces him to inspect her snout
  1085. >She can smell and sense all sorts of things about him
  1086. >It's getting better
  1087. >Offers to let him pull out a tooth
  1088. >It's hard for him to get a good grip, so he wraps one arm around her and holds her close against his chest, then uses the other to yank it out
  1089. >It's too much for her, she passes out
  1090. >Anon accidentally causes an international incident
  1091. >The sharkpones agree to forgive him if he stays to make it up to them
  1092. >JustAsPlanned.shark
  1098. >Anon arrives in Equestria a good 15-ish years after the show
  1099. >Pops into existence in the tundra around the Crystal Empire, and so he just chills in the castle and agrees to questioning in exchange for room and board
  1100. >Flurry Heart crushes on him hard
  1101. >She's extremely embarrassed about her enormous wing-boners that her well-above-average sized wings give her
  1102. >Anon, meanwhile, still hasn't picked up on what the extended wings mean
  1103. >He just thinks it means she's happy to see him
  1105. >Be Flurryheart
  1106. >You were having tea with the alien creature, Anonymous.
  1107. >Your titled teacup did little to obscure your peeking as you sipped and locked your eyes on the flesh between his slightly parted shirt buttons.
  1108. >The Crystal Empire was no stranger to steamy summers, and Anon had taken it upon himself to loosen his garb, despite you sitting with him.
  1109. >Sundammit, he trusted you and here you were, tracing the soft curve of his inner chest with your eyes.
  1110. >He deserved a gentlemare and yet...
  1111. >It would be so nice... to lay your cheek down and press against him.
  1112. >Your stupid, big-ass wings twitched at your sides, rising slowly.
  1113. >You coughed, nearly spitting out your tea and clacked it down on it's saucer.
  1114. >Anon turned to you with a look of concern and you gave him a pained smile.
  1115. >His innocent stare only made your wings harder to restrain, and a shiver ran through you as he leaned over to get a better look at your face.
  1116. >Don't look down shirt, don't look down his shir—FUUU, you looked down his shirt!
  1117. >A hot blush flooded your face and you opened your mouth to apologize, but he merely titled his head and put the back of his palm against your forehead.
  1118. >"Are you okay, Flurry? You seem a little feverish."
  1119. >He got even closer, his face inches from yours.
  1120. >You could smell the fresh scent of his shampoo, and the faint orange flavor of the tea on his lips.
  1121. >You found yourself leaning closer, eyes locked into his slightly parted mouth.
  1122. >Would a little peck hurt?
  1123. >He suddenly turned to your wings and you felt your skin turn cold.
  1124. >Oh Lunas stars above, he was going to call you out this time, you know it!
  1125. >No colt could not know what it meant, not after this long.
  1126. >"Oh, Flurry, your poor wings looks horribly tense again. I've been thinking about that. I want to try to give you a wing massage. Maybe that'll help?"
  1127. >The heat in your face doubled and you suppressed a squeal.
  1128. >He just... right to your face... with the cutest most innocent smile you've ever seen.
  1135. yes, i'm surprised that anon doesn't see more interaction with other stallions in ponyville or canterlot. it's not like they don't exist, and most stallions would be at least trying to hang out with him, either because he looks good to ponies so they look better for hanging out with him, or he looks like an uggo to ponies, so they look way better by comparison.
  1136. they'd either be hot by association or by comparison, either way they win. not to mention there's all sorts of opportunities for stallions to take Anon under their leg or wing to show him the ropes and play matchmaker with him, since that's something that women do here (especially if they think they're good at it, they want to feel good about themselves, try to eliminate a thirsty mare from the dating pool, or they're taking pity on a mare that no other stallion would date)
  1143. > Be Prince Anon, of Labyrinthia
  1144. > Technically, you were adopted by the Royal Architect, but she is high enough in station that if she had a kid, they would be a prince or a princess
  1145. > However, the poor old girl is barren, and turned to interdimensional adoption
  1146. > The ritual grabs an unwanted person younger than the ritualist, and warps them to the plane
  1147. > It wasn't fun, finding out that particular aspect of the ritual, but you can't really argue with it
  1148. > Stone Hinge isn't so bad, as adoptive mothers go
  1149. > The food is good, the labyrinth is fascinating, and she thought it was cute how you tended to stare at her impossibly large tits
  1150. > There are drawbacks, though
  1151. > She loves to teach you, but she never seems to think you are capable of independent action
  1152. > Admittedly, at least two thirds of the tauresses on the street could simply pick you up and carry you away, but it still kind of irked you to be stuck in a tower like some sheltered maiden or whatever
  1153. > And then, most of the time that you are outside of the house, you are at court
  1154. > While the parents are talking about matters of state, the youngsters like you usually walk in the gardens, or chat in tea rooms
  1155. > Despite your many lessons, you don't quite fit in here
  1156. > You suck at poetry, dance, and flower arrangement
  1157. > The other guys get scared off by your "uncouth" speech and "wild" personality
  1158. > The girls, sensing weakness, try to tie you up in word games, so that you'll agree to suck their clit or something
  1159. > More than a few have suggested a midnight rendezvous, for more intimate discussion
  1160. > You'd gladly take them up on the matter, their boobs are amazing, but Minos have a pretty good sense of smell
  1161. > The first tauress you bedded would lay claim to you the next day, and snap you up in a forced marriage
  1162. > For the time being, you content yourself with mutual groping and ass grabs
  1168. >”It’s just not natural I tell yah!”
  1169. “Applejack calm down.”
  1170. >”Twilight I ain’t havin’ it.”
  1171. >Your wings rose up to your temples and began moving in a circular soothing motion.
  1172. “Remember when we had our little misunderstanding about Zecora? Maybe we should just be-“
  1173. >”That was different and you know it Twi, first it’s Anon, next thing yah know and all the colts will get stolen by those- those”
  1174. >Applejack was a good pony, but sometimes she had this bad habit of being a little…
  1175. >”Dang Ziggers!”
  1176. >Racist
  1178. Meanwhile at Sugarcube Corner
  1179. “I told you these cupcakes were great.”
  1180. >The zebrican princess only smiled as she engulfed another cupcake.
  1181. >Being the newly appointed ambassador to Zebrica was by far the best job you could’ve hoped for.
  1182. >Good pay, a great dental plan, and all the zebra princess pussy you could want.
  1188. >You are Anonymous
  1189. >You have been in the harem of Sultana Rahima for two years.
  1190. >You are one of her favourites, an Ikbal, the highest rank that can be attained before becoming one of her husbands.
  1191. >To climb higher, one had to give the Sultana a foal. Something very unlikely to happen, in your case.
  1192. >Despite many attempts, your seed would not take. Humans and ponies cannot breed.
  1193. >Not entirely unsurprising but you are still saddened by it. You love her and would happily give her foals if you could.
  1194. >But apparently it is not to be.
  1195. >The other harem members were quick to notice and just as quick to mock you for it.
  1196. >As long as Rahima wasn't present, of course.
  1197. >One of the husbands, Faizan, was especially infuriating.
  1198. >He'd walk past you when you were practicing your dancing or reading in the palace gardens, his five children in tow.
  1199. >When they passed you, he'd look at you with a smug, gloating expression on his face.
  1200. >Look at what I've made. You will never have this.
  1201. >Bastard.
  1202. >You take some small comfort in the fact that any love between him and the Sultana appears to have cooled.
  1203. >She did not give him any truly extravagant gifts on his birthday like she usually does with her husbands, only a modest sum of bits, and her attitude towards him that day was formal and stiff.
  1204. >You wonder if Rahima even slept with him that day. Hopefully not.
  1205. >Taking a deep breath, you calm yourself. Today is not a day to be angry.
  1206. >Rahima is coming home today. 
  1207. >Her campaign against the zebra tribes in the south has been long but is now finally over.
  1208. >The husbands will be the first to greet her, and after them the Ikbals.
  1209. >You want to look your best for her.
  1210. >You take another look at yourself in the mirror, making sure you haven't missed anything.
  1211. >Your golden necklace and earrings, your bracelets, your robes...
  1212. >Yes, everything seems to be in order.
  1213. >Smiling, you turn away, leave the room and start making your way to the courtroom to await your beloved Sultana.
  1219. >Anon is in an abusive relationship by pony standards
  1220. >No goodnight kisses
  1221. >Only 15 minutes of good-morning cuddling
  1222. >Whenever she makes cookies she gives Anon all the burnt ones
  1223. >Anon's mare friend finds out about this and whiteknights him super hard
  1229. >Your marefriend Spitfire brings you home with her.
  1230. >Her widow mom unashamedly hits on you.
  1231. >Sptifire is embarrassed, but doesn't stop it. 
  1232. >Remember that you saw one smaller herd in Ponyville where a mare and her mother were both in it.
  1233. >Wait...
  1234. >Oh shit.
  1236. >Your Superior Human Predatory Hearing allows you to hear their whispers
  1237. >"Moooom, I called first dibs, ok?"
  1238. >"You're right, dear, lemme know how he is in the sack!"
  1239. >"Mom! Wait until he's not here to ask that, ok?"
  1244. >Cadence adopts Anon because weird horse things.
  1245. >Maybe he needed parent's permission to enroll in magic school or something
  1246. >He is now invited to all the family events
  1247. >Enduring the joked about the situation is a small price to pay for VAST COSMIC POWER
  1248. >Zap zap zap motherfucker.
  1253. >Take in mature, older mares down on their luck.
  1254. >Adventure across Equestria for the fountain of youth, because you know it's there somewhere.
  1255. >Give your experienced waifus a new lease on life.
  1256. >Get the best of both worlds with youthful, yet wizened mares.
  1261. >Move to Canterlot.
  1262. >Meet an older mare in the bar one night.
  1263. >With a bit of bonding over drinks, learn that she was kicked out of her house and family by her stallion after the nastiest of more than a few arguments.
  1264. >Shit man, that doesn't sit right with you.
  1265. >Offer your spare room to her free, much to her shock.
  1266. >Grow closer to her, as she does to you.
  1267. >Finally, you can't take it and admit you love her.
  1268. >She sadly turns you down, not wanting you to weighed down by a "sad mare well past her prime."
  1269. >Fuck that.
  1270. >Find a way to bring her back to her prime so she'll accept you and get a second chance at once. 
  1271. >Doesn't matter of that means blowing all your savings on a de-aging potion or punching out some ancient evil guarding the fountain of youth, you MUST have her.
  1272. >Return with your prize and give it to her.
  1273. >She's beyond stunned. No stallion would ever go so far for a mare. This is something out of a fantasy book.
  1274. >Tearfully, she accepts both the second chance and your affection.
  1275. >Young once more, you and her plan to elope and marry.
  1276. >But before you can do that, she wants to explain to her now adult children.
  1277. >That's cool.
  1278. >Get a sinking feeling when you and her take a train to Ponyville.
  1279. >Feeling gets worse when she heads right for the gaudy crystal castle in town.
  1280. >Well, now you know why the name "Twilight Velvet" was ringing so many bells.
  1282. >Anon purposefully says shit to Twilight like, "your mother and I think..." and "your mother and I want to talk to you..."
  1283. >Manages to keep a straight face when he starts to insist that Twilight call him "dad"
  1284. >In reality, Anon doesn't actually care what Twilight calls him
  1285. >He just thinks that the way the purple mare glares at him when he brings it up is hilarious
  1287. >Anon and TwilightVelvet show up with a daughter.
  1288. >The satyr girl already made it into celestia shcool for gifted unicorns.
  1289. >She's basically a less autistic version of twi with access to human ingenuity.
  1290. >She and flurryHearth get along like a house on fire 
  1291. >Candance finds her adorable.
  1292. >Twi is ecstatic as she gets to play the big sis role.
  1293. >Shining likes anon's bombass tea
  1294. >NightLight buttmad, Anon is nearing a smugness singularity
  1299. >Valentine's day in RGRE
  1300. >Anon expects something cutesy and innocent, like mares shyly handing out pre-made cards and cheap little chocolates like it's elementary school
  1301. >What he doesn't expect is an enormous fist fight (hoof fight?) in the middle of town, where the mares compete to see who is most worthy of courting Ponyville's stallions
  1305. >Everyone in Ponyville participate in school-like pre-made cards giving, with guessing who send cards to who, everything is serious
  1306. >Anon tried that for the first time
  1307. >It's chaos, everymare is trying to find who is his valentine and find which card is his
  1308. >So serious that Twi in head of analytic team trying to determine it by hoofwriting
  1309. >A regular chaotic day in rgre ponyville
  1314. >Fleur takes a trip to Ponyville for a photo-op with the mane 6
  1315. >Anon volunteers to escort her and give a tour of town
  1316. >Fleur thinks he was assigned to her as an "escort" and holds his hand in her hoof in public whenever she can
  1321. >Caramel kicks a mare out of his herd for something petty
  1322. >Expects her to be back the next day with flowers, gifts, and apologies like usual
  1323. >Instead she doesnt come back
  1324. >He gets worried after a few days and goes looking for her
  1325. >Finds out Anon snatched her up and has been pampering her
  1326. >She refuses to go back to Caramel and Anon tells him to hit the bricks
  1327. >Now that Anon has her Caramel wants his mare even more than ever
  1329. >secretly this is Anon's job
  1330. >mare gets kicked out of a herd
  1331. >the norm is for them to go back, practically begging to rejoin
  1332. >not anymore.stealyourwaifu
  1333. >mare's pay Anon to pretend they're a part of his herd now
  1334. >he pampers them to no end to get the stallion's to beg the mare's to come back
  1335. >this happens so often that Anon constantly has a sizeable herd so it isn't brought into question too often
  1336. >when it is Anon simply states how he's happy to let his mare's be happy with another stallion
  1337. >the stallion's are none the wiser
  1344. "Pinkie, you really need to cut down on the sweets."
  1345. >"B-but, ha~h, Anon, you know how much I like cupcakes!"
  1346. "Pinkie if you keep this up our foals will be diabetic in a month."
  1347. >"I just want my foals to like it, and I hoo~h know you like my diet."
  1348. "I'll like your taste no matter the diet, Pinkie. You know that. But I want our foals to be healthy, so something's gonna have to change."
  1349. >"Oh Nonny, I love it when the stallion takes charge. But -nnph!- Twilight says you don't have to induce for another three months!"
  1350. "I know what she said."
  1356. (Celestia)
  1357. >Anonymous please, you know I am sensitive about how big my teats are.
  1359. >"M-most stallions almost completely avoid them if we're not g-giving them a t-teatjob."
  1360. >"You're the first stallion I've met that actually likes to...to do that..."
  1361. >"So eager, Anon, I'll have to check with twilight and see if she has any spells to help me keep up with you."
  1364. >Celestia keeps her teats at lactating size.
  1365. >If you catch her at the right angle, you can see them shaking and jiggling between her legs.
  1366. >The truly lucky get to see one or two pure white drops drip off of them.
  1367. >Starts a new obsession with various noble stallions.
  1368. >Their mares try to mirror the princess with various degrees of success.
  1370. >She extends your life and youth with magic.
  1371. >And in return, you give her the large family that time has denied her.
  1372. >Before 100 years are out, the alicorn population is exploding if you count children growing and having alicorn foals of their own.
  1373. >Countless thousands of years later, you and Celestia are remembered as the father and mother of all modern ponies, who are all alicorns with human blood at this point.
  1375. >With nopony dying of old age due to magic, and the insatiable lust of alicorns, the population explodes
  1376. >Soon there are only two factions left: children of the sun and children of the moon
  1377. >Soon there is very little room left on this world
  1378. >Especially after your waifus and daughterus and their descendants rid the world of the lesser races
  1379. >You will never lead your planet-covering family in a quest for the stars
  1380. >You will never rule the galaxy from your seat at the heart of the galactic pony empire
  1385. >Celestia is the Princess of Fertility
  1386. >She displays all the signs of a good mother
  1387. >Wide hips, big teats, a healthy appetite
  1388. >However, she's lacking one thing
  1389. >Genitals
  1390. >While her body is that of the ideal mare, she's cursed by fate to never mother any foals of her own
  1391. >She contents herself with being the mother of her nation instead, with every mare and stallion considering her as close as their own parents
  1392. >It's her fate, and she accepts it
  1393. >Still, she wishes she could have something... More...
  1394. >Equestria could use a strong father figure, after all
  1399. Absolutely everything. When Anon discovers their vaginas in Discord's chaotic realm, his first instinct is to slip his fingers in and tickle their clits.
  1400. After centuries of nothing, the sudden stimulation causes Celestia to start screaming lewdly in the middle of court.
  1401. It causes Luna to accidentally fire off a destruction spell at a nearby maid. Thankfully, magic health insurance allows her limbs to be regrown.
  1403. im imagining him casually spraying them down with a showerhead or something while the princesses some hundreds of miles away are practically convulsing from the stimulation
  1405. >Anon and the Quest for Royal Pony Pussy
  1406. >Literally. He carries them both in a silk bag in his pack.
  1408. >Mash both pussies together.
  1409. >Far away, both Celestia and Luna's faces go nuclear red.
  1410. >They both know whats happening.
  1416. >She breeds with you and claims it's just a Germoneigh eugenics experiment in public. 
  1417. >Also says her affection is just to keep a constant variable for the experiment.
  1418. >Often catches shit for saying such callus things about a male.
  1419. >Really, Aryanne fell hard for you but didn't want to admit something contrary to her lifelong beliefs.
  1420. >She loves you enough to die in your place should something happen. 
  1421. >Germoneigh still gets a copy of the notes she idly takes through pregnancy and motherhood, however.
  1423. >"Unh, ah, Ahnon, ja, f-fill me wiz your filzy subequine seed! Breed me like ze animal you are! M-make me a race traitor and knock me up wiz your human semen!"
  1425. >Anon winds up in RGRE Germaney.
  1426. >Ends up becoming a secretary for Aryanne.
  1427. >Has to constantly deal with her aggressive flirting and attempts to get in his pants.
  1430. >Field Report #788
  1431. >Foal #3 has been born without any health issues while being 15% larger than the average foal, just like his sisters before him. Doctors noted high amounts of brain activity in utero which jumped after birth. This is again consistent with my other two foals and most likely caused by their human dual heritage. My human mate is once again thrilled to have another healthy child. Just like the last two times, his mare-like attitude has softened into a more tender and nurturing one in the presence of the newborn. 
  1432. >The newborn is much more active than the average foal. Squirming, vocalizations, and short periods of open eyes marking a consistent average with my last two children. My mate has taken to holding the foal and playing with him when ever possible. The newborn responds well to the stimulation. 
  1433. >I am, as per usual, feeling large amounts of maternal love and find myself proud of producing such a healthy and lively child, as any normal mother would. This is consistent with my last two pregnancies and births. Lactation and feeding proceeding as normal, though my mate noticed my less than optimal milk production. He remedied this by preparing me oat and nut treats with fatty acid and Omega 3 supplements added. After only a days worth of consumption, my milk production jumped back to ideal levels, letting the foal have his fill. Leftover milk has been stored cold for later use.
  1434. >I still find my unfading love for my mate as powerful as day one. I noted in previous reports his distinct hardiness and general agreeably as being rather attractive, and I still stand by that. As he matures as a father, however, he as shown an increase in tender moments with both myself and our children. I personally enjoy it.
  1435. >I recommend finding a way to the human world of Earth due to the abundant supply of males my mate has talked about. Many Germane mares would appreciate the superior companionship and (albet not pure) potent breeding stock they provide.
  1438. >Sniper Anon in Nazi Equestria
  1439. >Elite commando operative sniper soldier fell into a pit of radioactive Jews while on assignment in Germany.
  1440. >Was transported to this strange new world.
  1441. >Much is different, yet so much remains the same.
  1442. >This world seemingly has no or few other humans.
  1443. >There are still Nazis.
  1444. >They just happen to be cute pony people.
  1445. >With magic.
  1446. >He still has his raifu.
  1447. >He still has a mission:
  1448. >To shoot Nazis.
  1449. >In the balls.
  1450. >This is made slightly more difficult due to many of these Nazi ponies being mares.
  1451. >That's not going to stop him though.
  1452. >He'll just have to shoot them in the lady-balls.
  1460. >Violent sex involves ponies tugging on his shirts and pants
  1461. >Trying to tackle him
  1462. >Ponies ride his dick twice as long as they would a regular stallion
  1463. >It takes about 30 minutes of a train being run on Anonymous in the town square before he's completely done
  1469. >Anon had been told that Equestria was RGR
  1470. >But he hadn't really internalized it
  1471. >It was just cute poners acting funny to him for the most part
  1473. >Then Hearts and Hooves Day came around
  1474. >It was Valentines Day in disguise, and he saw it as such.
  1475. >He knew it could be a very lonely holiday for the romantically unfortunate
  1476. >He'd spent far too many of them by himself
  1478. >But he hadn't quite realized just how many ponies in town had that problem.
  1479. >A few stallions, but mostly mares.
  1480. >A lot of mares.
  1482. >Sad poners are his kryptonite
  1484. >He ends up talking to Pinkie while she takes a breather from baking up a storm
  1485. >Mentions he wishes he could help somehow, but there's only one of him, and half a town worth of lonely mares.
  1486. >He couldn't give each of them a good long hug before sundown even he tried
  1488. >But Ponk has an idea
  1489. >A wonderful, awful idea
  1490. >About a cave and a pool...
  1496. >Mares show off their abilities to their highest extend in order to attract mates
  1497. >Once a mate is attracted and estrus begins, they quickly settle down and get a feel for each other with plenty of rutting
  1498. >If the stallion submits, the mare immediately begins preparations for marriage and in the meantime more rutting ensues
  1499. >Equestrian families typically have many foals. These are often separated into two categories: smaller families and larger ones
  1500. >Both still involve plenty of rutting
  1501. >Smaller families stay in the same community for most of their lives 
  1502. >Larger families either split up (Eldest children leaving, parents staying, sometimes vice versa) or as a whole will move in search of new lands, these first camps are known as "herds" and later develop into villages and then towns as nomads, friends, and sometimes small, separate families move into the communities 
  1503. >Ponyville started out this same way and is mostly populated by single mares, preyed-upon colts, and small families
  1509. > "Anon, darling, we need to talk."
  1510. > Never a good sign
  1511. "What about?"
  1512. > Rarity chews on her lip
  1513. > "The doctor says Twilight is going to have twins, and she already has two foals from you. Something must be done!"
  1514. > You sigh
  1515. > To be honest, when you heard about the whole herd thing, you had thought it was all about threesomes and moresomes with all the mares you could handle
  1516. > The reality is rather different
  1517. > Applejack works for most of the day, and still has to take care of her family
  1518. > And then there's the weird rivalry going on between Twilight and Rarity
  1519. > Twilight has been rather smug about being so fertile, and giving you strong foals
  1520. > Meanwhile, Rarity only has had one foal from you, which she spoils relentlessly
  1521. > And now she is talking about foals again, even though she is already pregnant
  1522. "What do you want me to do? It's not like I can get you doubly pregnant."
  1523. > Rarity smiles a little at that
  1524. > "Of course not, you silly man. But Twilight needs to be matched, or else she will be utterly insufferable. What I want you to do, is take my assistant to bed. Any foals by her will count on my side."
  1525. > You rub your face tiredly
  1526. "Your solution to Twilight being smug is not having me talk to her, but to bring yet another mare into the picture, so complicate matters further. Is that right?"
  1527. > She rolls her eyes
  1528. > "Please, countless mares have done the same thing. Normally I would hesitate to escalate matters this way, but Twilight's only assistant is Spike, and he can't give you foals."
  1531. >Bring in Rainbow.
  1532. >She has triplets from the get-go.
  1533. >If Rarity thought Twilight's smug was bad, then the sheer oversmug Rainbow has for pushing 3 foals out of her petite self is unreal
  1535. >Rainbow lies there, breathing slowly but harshly, near comatose from the intense 30 hour labor.
  1536. >Thankfully there'd been no health complications, but as a first time mother having triplets, both pregnancy and birth had been beyond grueling.
  1537. >She licks her chapped lips.
  1538. >"Rarity. Twilight. Come here. Please."
  1539. >You know pony hearing is good, but you imagine even they barely heard her whisper.
  1540. >They both shuffle closer, also ragged from seeing their dear friend undergo this ordeal. You don't think either had slept more than three hours.
  1541. >"How are you doing Rainbow Dash?"
  1542. >"Can I get you anything darling?"
  1543. >You smile to yourself. You know that even at their worst in this strange inter-herd pecking order rivalry, friendship ran deep and strong beneath it.
  1544. >Rainbow is looking past them to a nurse that's just entered, three foals on her back.
  1545. >With practiced ease, one foal is deposited at each teat, the extra into her arms.
  1546. >Rainbow licks her lips again, and stares at Twilight and Rarity, her magenta eyes seeming to spark back to life.
  1547. >A circling hoof takes in the three polychrome babies.
  1548. >"I made these."
  1550. >An hour later you're sitting in the waiting room, rubbing your face, trying to figure out how to explain in your friendship report to Celestia that your entire herd, including the actual Princess of Friendship, was now banned from Ponyville Horsepital for any non-medical reason, and had a warning from the ponice for raucous behavior and disorderly conduct.
  1552. > Be Applejack, coming home from a long day at the orchards
  1553. > The Apple family is doing well, you even had a chance to do some baking for your husband
  1554. > A nice warm apple pie for your sweetie pie
  1555. > You blush a little at the thought
  1556. > As you walk into Anon's house, you hear the foals giggling in the backyard, playing with their pa
  1557. > You smile fondly, setting the pie down on the table
  1558. > Twilight stumbles down the stairs, looking run down and tired
  1559. "Books ambush you again?"
  1560. > She shakes her head
  1561. > "Pulled an all-nighter writing up a report on astral transference for Celestia."
  1562. > Twilight sniffs, her ears pricking forward
  1563. > "That smells delicious, what's the occasion?"
  1564. > You smile at the compliment
  1565. "No occasion, just thought Anon might appreciate it."
  1566. > Twilight makes a little whining noise in the back of her throat
  1567. > "He wouldn't miss a slice, right?"
  1568. > You frown
  1569. "This is between me and him, Twi. I don't get much time with him, so I gotta make it count."
  1570. > Twilight considers this
  1571. > She draws a little circle with her forehoof, acting coy
  1572. > "I believe tonight is my turn sleeping with him, right?"
  1573. > You nod grimly
  1574. "Which is why I have to-"
  1575. > "I'll trade it for the pie."
  1576. > ...
  1577. "Done. Pleasure doing business with you, Mrs. Sparklemous."
  1584. >Male prostitution runs rampant throughout Equestria
  1585. >Especially in Canterlot
  1586. >When Anon first came to Equestria, prostitution was basically the only job available to him
  1587. >His best customer was a socially inept people unicorn, but she seemed to just quit coming to him for whatever reason
  1588. >A few years later, he moves to Ponyville to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city
  1589. >After meeting five of the mane six, they take him to meet Twiggles
  1590. >He remembers her
  1591. >He recounts his and her history, not realizing that most ponies take a hard line against stallion exploitation, and that he's jeopardizing her reputation and friendships
  1596. >You are Twilight, and you're here to greet the newest resident of Ponyville.
  1597. >You normally wouldn't do this (working as a librarian and having no real legal position of power), but Pinkie insisted that you attend the new pony's "Welcome to Ponyville" party.
  1598. >"Twilight?"
  1599. >Oh! It seems that he found you before you found him!
  1600. >You turn around and give him a big smile.
  1601. >...or rather, you give his crotch a big smile.
  1602. >Mare oh mare, he's tall.
  1603. >You look up... waaaaay up....
  1604. >...aaand...
  1605. >...and it's the hooker you used to call up all the time.
  1606. >Buck.
  1607. >He gives you a big smile and crouches down to scratch behind your ears, just the way you like.
  1608. >"Long time no see, Twi."
  1609. >Oh, fantastic. He remembers you.
  1610. >Double buck.
  1611. >>"You two know each other?"
  1612. >Rarity trots over to you, ears perking up at the prospect of new gossip.
  1613. >"Oh yeah," says Anon, cheerfully running his fingers through your mane, "We saw each other all the time in Canterlot."
  1614. >>"Do tell, darling."
  1616. >"Actually, Rarity, I'm here on retainer from Princess Luna to help all of you out here. She thought you girls could use some 'help' from time to time and get rid of any tensions that might arise from your duties as the Elements of Harmony."
  1617. >What.
  1618. >Just how old-fashioned does Luna want to go with this?
  1619. "Anon, could I speak to you for a moment in private? Behind the building, perhaps?"
  1624. >Your mouth is dry and your heart is racing
  1625. >They cant find out!
  1626. >It could end your friendships!
  1627. >You open your mouth to respond but no sound comes out
  1628. >"Oh I used to do all sorts of work for her back in Canterlot."
  1629. >Wait what?
  1630. >"She had many positions that I had to fill over the..."
  1631. >He scratches his chin
  1632. >that gloriously carved chin
  1633. >"Three years was it?"
  1634. >It takes you a moment to realize that he was speaking to you
  1635. "Uhh yeah three years."
  1636. >He nods
  1637. >"Yep three years of filling in and hard labor while she was working for Celestia."
  1638. >Reaching over he scratches that one spot on your muzzle that just turns your bones to jelly
  1639. >"Then one day she was just gone. POOF! I asked around but no one knew what happened to her."
  1640. "S-sorry about that."
  1641. >He gives you that toothy smile
  1642. >"Its alright purplespark you can make it up to me by helping me find a job. Maybe I can even work for you!"
  1643. >He picks you up and wraps you in a hug
  1644. >Ever so quietly he whispers in your ear
  1645. >"That is unless you want these kind ponies to hear about all the things you made me do on Princess Celestia's dime."
  1646. >He pulls back and sets you down
  1647. >"So what do you say Twilight? Do you know of any holes I can fill?"
  1649. >You stare at him in terror
  1650. >He had you by the teats and he was ready to twist them and you know he is good at it by experience
  1651. >His sinister sexy smirk tells you that he knew you were bucked
  1652. "Sure thing Anon. Come by the castle and I will get you set up."
  1653. >"Aww that's so nice of you Twily."
  1654. >You flinch at your childhood nickname and the embarrassing memories of role played sex involving it
  1655. >"So Anon you must tell me ALL that you know about the current trends in Canterlot!"
  1656. >Rarity, perhaps sensing your discomfort, grabbed the conversation by the reins
  1657. >You take the opportunity to escape for a drink
  1658. >Ducking under the punch table you begin to hyperventilate at the damage Anon could do
  1659. >Why did you have to be such a lusty teen?
  1660. >Why couldnt that part of your past stay in Canterlot where no one cares
  1661. >"This might help Twlight."
  1662. >Pinkie hands you a paper bag
  1663. "Thanks Pinkie."
  1664. >You start breathing into it until your mind catches up with what just happened
  1665. >You almost inhale the bag as realize Pinkie is under the table with you
  1666. "P-pinkie what are you doing under here!?"
  1667. >"Just helping silly. You looked like you were panicking out there. When you slipped away I knew you might need cheering up."
  1668. >Oh Pinkie if only you knew
  1669. "Its OK Pinkie Im fine. You can go back to the party if you want. Thanks for the paper bag by the way."
  1670. >She smiles at you
  1671. >"MmmmmmmmmmmmNOPE! Why is it that Anon freaks you out Twilight? Is he an assassin sent to kill you? Is he an old magic school rival? OHOHOH MAYBE HE IS YOUR OLD CRUSH!?"
  1672. "N-no Pinkie dont be ridiculous. Its just...complicated."
  1673. >She stares at you inquisitively for a few seconds before she shrugs
  1674. >"Okie Dokie Loki! If you need anything just come tell me! Iamalsogoodathidingbodies!"
  1675. "Thanks Pinkie fo-...what was that last part?"
  1676. >"Nothinggottagobye!"
  1677. >And with that she leaves you under the table
  1678. >Somehow feeling better
  1681. >Cadence was never Twilight's foalsitter in RGRE.
  1682. >This time around, her foalsitter is a teenaged Anon.
  1683. >Since she lives away from her parents in the castle, and most of her time with Celestia is dedicated to learning rather than leisure, that leaves Anon as her primary parental influence. 
  1684. >Thus, Twilight carried more than a few human mannerisms and a few ways of thinking into adulthood.
  1685. >The result is a radically different Twilight. Sometimes for the better, but not always.
  1687. >The reason why Twilights special talent is all magic and not just a very specific part of it is because Anon, as a human able to do anything, pushed her to explore and learn new things.
  1688. >It's found out that Starswirl the bearded had a human as well.
  1690. >Anon isn't technically her dad, but Twilight still sees him as her father
  1691. >It makes it really awkward when her friends hit on him all the time
  1692. >Even moreso when she's so adamant about none of them scoring with him
  1693. >Zecora starts fucking him out in the everfree, where twilight can't see them
  1694. >She finds out anyway and confronts her about it
  1695. >Zecora does a little song and dance as a rebuttal
  1696. >"Hoooow many times must your," *stomp stomp* "Father bang meeee, before you realize, your mother I'll be?"
  1703. >Anon is having a hard time meeting mares
  1704. >He's too marely for most of their tastes
  1705. >Twilight offers to help him seek out a mate
  1707. >Twilight is a kissless virgin nerd
  1708. >After years of not bothering with all that stallion stuff, she decides it's time to get her cherry popped
  1709. >Her friends decide that Anon's laid back, market attitude makes him a good starter dick, since he won't demand commitment
  1711. >Anon is a character from one of Twilight's favorite books
  1712. >And her husbando
  1713. >She brings him into the real world, hijinks ensue
  1714. >Three hijinks
  1716. >Twilight manages to connect to Earth's internet
  1717. >She infiltrates the RGRE thread on /mlp/ and writes prompts about herself
  1719. >Rainbow introduces Anon to Daring Do, thinking that they'll make great friends
  1720. >Little does Rainbow know, DD is a regular Stallioniser who prides herself on her sexual conquests as much as her literal ones
  1721. >Twilight is also there
  1725. >A fair elf maiden comes to equestria
  1726. >Most mares make fun of her for being a sissy
  1727. >it doesn't help that her teats are small
  1728. >Fluttershy and rarity feel good about not being the most coltish mares around anymore
  1729. >then come around anon, a male fair and pure as the driven snow
  1730. >Many of the equestrian residents try and win him over
  1731. >by being as marely as they can
  1732. >it doesn't work
  1733. >Anon meets elf girl
  1734. >he falls for her shyness and beauty
  1735. >Jelly and salt ensues
  1737. >Celestia conjures a mighty warrior to defend equestria from a terrible monster
  1738. >A mysterius biped clad in armor come forth
  1739. >the mysterious warrior swears loyalty to celestia
  1740. >after a gruesome battle they find out he's a male when he take off his armor
  1741. >Mares acuse Celestia of forcing a stallion to fight her fights
  1742. >The knight however stands by her princess
  1744. >Anon becomes a pimp
  1745. >Many stallion prostitutes go work for him believing that he will be gentle and caring of his fellow males
  1746. >He is not
  1748. >Anon comes to equestria without hopes of ever finding love
  1749. >Candence doesn't undestand why such kind, gentle and handsome stallion would have a hard time getting a mare
  1750. >then another man comes into equestria
  1751. >Unlike the cynical manlet anon, he is an adonis of a man with the charm of a prince.
  1753. >Equestria is invaded and anon goes full farcry
  1754. >The mane six are horrified that he had to lost his inocence in such horrible way
  1755. >They treat him as gently as possible to try to make him forget
  1756. >He had fun and wonders if he could join the army
  1758. >Anon gets fed up with the reverse genders bullshit and takes a hike to the everfree
  1759. >When he doesn't come back tomorrow the m6 go look for him
  1760. >Turns out the he found the secret deer civilization
  1761. >he fits in just right since the deers have the same gender roles
  1762. >he doesn't want to leave
  1767. >Anon fucks the evil right out of poor Woona
  1768. >She just needed some Love and loving dickings
  1769. >Elsewhere, Cadence feels a gigantic smile overtake her, and she knows not why
  1771. >Later on, Discord gets loose
  1772. >But the mane 6 never became element bearers
  1773. >Now they must put a stop to all this whimsy without the help of the Rainbow Riot Hose
  1777. >Nightmare Moon takes on her own form after being purged from Luna.
  1778. >Shacks up with Anon, deciding that cozy life beats a potential 3rd defeat.
  1779. >Finds herself with all the benefits of being an alicorn with none of the responsibility.
  1781. >You are Nightmare Moon, Queen of the Dark.
  1782. >And you sigh contently as you settle on the human sized loveseat lengthwise, letting you stretch out.
  1783. >The pillow you rest against has your lover's robust aroma, making the furniture that much more relaxing.
  1784. >The book in your azure magical grip wavers, then is set down the coffee table as you decide to simply doze.
  1785. >You could watch the "television" invention that had taken Equestria by storm in recent years, but decide against that as well.
  1786. >You roll your eyes after looking at the large box of a machine in the living room. A box that plays moving images broadcast from far away. What will they think of next?
  1787. >A sudden scent and the sound of sizzling coming from the kitchen made your nose twitch and ears perk.
  1788. >That must be your beloved preparing dinner.
  1789. >Without warning, your stomach grumbles, wanting the delicacies being prepared in the other room.
  1790. >It still amazes you that your beloved can turn common fare into mouth-watering cuisine. The sort that puts the royal chiefs of old to shame.
  1791. >Or maybe your relationship is coloring your opinion? You find it hard to speak ANY sort of ill about the father of your unborn foal.
  1792. >Your stomach growls again, reminding you that you eat for two now. 
  1793. >Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you shift on the couch and resign yourself to waiting. 
  1794. >Not even 2 months in, and the small lump on your belly is making you ravenous at just the smell of food.
  1795. >It would be unseemly for a queen to try and beg food out of her soon-to-be husb-
  1796. >Wait, you aren't a queen anymore. You have no need to hold yourself to such stifling standards.
  1797. >With a small smile, you rise and walk to the kitchen, intent on trying to sneak away with a treat.
  1798. >Idly, you wonder what Celestia and Luna are doing.
  1799. >Whatever it is, they can't be enjoying themselves as much as you are.
  1801. >meanwhile, in Canterlot
  1802. >Celestia is trapped in court listening to the retarded complaints and proposals of useless, spoiled nobles
  1803. >all she has to look forward to afterwards is a mountain of paperwork awaiting her approval or dismissal
  1804. >Luna is currently passed out in the castle library, buried under several piles of books and scrolls while attempting to bring herself up to speed on the modern world
  1806. >Celestia and Luna scry Nightmare often to see if she's up to no good.
  1807. >All they gets to see is the genocidal alicorn they reluctantly pardoned living a cozy and carefree life.
  1808. >It really hits home just how fucking unfair life can be.
  1810. >Anon and Nightmare build a house within the Everfree forest
  1811. >It is safe for Anon, since Nightmare never leaves his side
  1812. >It is safe for Nightmare, since she still retains the power of an alicorn
  1813. >They both love the permanent shade of the canopy, and venture out to their favorite clearings at night to gaze at the stars
  1814. >She has triplets, then twins, and several more children with Anon
  1815. >Both the parents and their children eat meat, and the eternally-reproducing monsters of the Everfree provide them plenty of sustenance.
  1816. >Their children all have a strange allure to them, and regular mares and stallions fall for them all the time
  1817. >All of Anon's children want a relationship like their parents, and so stay monogamous
  1818. >Several generations later, you have to walk more than ten miles in the Everfree forest to get to the truly dangerous areas
  1819. >But the first ten are dangerous for the heart
  1825. >Someway, somehow, Little League gets Anon to promise to start a relationship with her once she has a cutiemark or otherwise comes of age.
  1826. >And thanks to some old laws, his word as a male in a romantic situation like that is binding. 
  1827. >In the meantime, however, he has to deal with her as a hanger-on until she's of age.
  1828. >Honestly, he just wanted his life to stay quiet...
  1829. >But maybe having an adorable and mold-able wife-to-be won't be so bad(?) 
  1830. Who is he kidding? This is going to be a shitshow.
  1831. Meanwhile, League can't stop bragging to her insanely jealous friends.
  1837. >Be Proncess Celery, Best horse.
  1838. >You almost regret telling that alien to keep in touch with you.
  1839. >He's been dragoning all these whiney letters to you all month.
  1840. >Twilight's doing this, Twilgith's doing that.
  1841. >Please help me, Twilight's trying to put things in my butt
  1842. >A bloo bloo buh bloo bloo
  1843. >Fucking apelien needs to learn to chill
  1844. >You contemplate just telling him to fuck off.
  1845. >Nah.
  1846. >His letters still give you a high like any other, even if he's a little crybaby.
  1847. >You drop the latest letter and roll around in the big pile.
  1848. >Oh Luna it's so good, this is way better than those weaksauce poppies.
  1855. >Plot twist, Chad is actually very average, he's just a bit more into sports than the bookish Anon.
  1856. >They become pretty tight bros and act like it, but the mane 6+C&L think they hate each other.
  1858. >"They're hoof-wrestling? Clearly competing to attract mates."
  1859. >"Anon, apologize to Chad! You can't just call people-CHAD HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT ANON!?"
  1860. >They call each other asshole, fucker, and bitch all the time.
  1861. >"But Chad is clearly into sports! Why is he listening to Anon's book recommendations? Is-is he looking for Anon's weaknesses?"
  1862. >"They CLEARLY hate each other. Look at the way they bare their canines when they meet. I realize it looks like they're smiling, and I'm grateful to both of them for adapting to our ways when around ponies despite how weird it must be to show their teeth in a nice way, but among predator-species the act of showing teeth is an aggressive display, showing they can and will eat you."
  1864. >Mane6 plus princesses start taking "sides."
  1865. >Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Luna prefer Anon.
  1866. >Pinkie, Rainbow, Rarity, and Celestia prefer Chad.
  1867. >Cadence wants them to fuck.
  1868. >Anon and Chad just think they their friends are friends with each other's friends.
  1875. >Anon makes some friends in Ponyville
  1876. >That drunkard Berry
  1877. >Everfree zigger Zecora
  1878. >Bucking juggler Trixie 
  1879. >He also do a lot of "harmful" things like drinking strong, uncolty alcohol or wandering alone into forest
  1881. >M6 try to help him overcome his "problems" and escape bad company
  1882. >Anon just like spending time with his friends
  1885. >Anon gathers weirdos and outcasts into one herd
  1886. >And together, they have the time of their lives as one loving family.
  1887. >The sheer shock the M6 feel when they accidentally find the odd herd in a sweaty, deviant, writhing mass of an orgy rather than Anon pairing of with them one at a time like proper.
  1894. >Celestia is excited about adopting a protesting Anon
  1895. >She's going to play hoofball, give Anon his first drink of alcohol, and turn him into the mareliest marely stallion there ever was
  1896. >Luna, his "aunt", disapproves of Celestia treating the poor colt like a mare and tries to teach him how to be a proper stallion so that he can attract a mate
  1897. >Tries to teach him proper table manners, how to balance a book on his head, how to cook, and the best ways to tongue-fuck a mare
  1899. > At first it was just comfy incest-play with LunaMom
  1900. > But you wondered out loud if non-Alicorn pussy was different
  1901. > So she decided to involve her staff
  1902. > "You have to eat all the maids, Anon"
  1903. "Whyyyyyyyyyyyy"
  1905. >Luna embraces the hedonistic lifestyle by having all the female castle staff line up, winking pussies out
  1906. >Anon gets to choose 5 mares daily to "practice" on all throughout the day while pleasuring his adoptive mother throughout the night
  1907. >Some of the kitchen staff are starting to show after Anon got a little to enthusiastic one day
  1908. >They consider it an honor to carry Prince Anonymous's children and hope that someday they'll get added to the Royal Herd
  1909. >Life is good
  1912. >Luna can't find Anon one day
  1913. >Not only that, but her sheets haven't been washed yet
  1914. >Eventually finds Anon spooning one of the cleaning crew mares, rubbing her plump tummy and humming a lullaby from Earth
  1916. >Anon's herd is the entire female population of Canterlot Castle
  1922. >As you sit at the bar nursing your beer, Applejack hops into the seat next to you and orders a cider
  1923. >"It ain't as good as our cider, but we're out of season right now. I'll take bad cider over good beer any day."
  1924. >You shrug
  1925. "I never really cared too much about the taste, just that I get a good buzz."
  1926. >The two of you sit quietly together, the only noise being your sips, and her tapping hooves
  1927. >She seems nervous, she keeps glancing between you and her untouched drink
  1928. >Whatever it is, it must be pretty big if it's got Applejack worried
  1929. >She's the toughest girl/horse you've ever met, on Earth or in Equestria
  1930. "Is something on your mind, AJ?"
  1931. >She looks up to you, putting on a brave face to mask her feelings
  1932. >"...Would ya like to get hitched?"
  1933. >Okay, that wasn't what you were expecting
  1934. "Hitched? Like, married?"
  1935. >She nods, turning back to her glass and tracing the rim with the tip of her hoof
  1936. >"Ah don't really care for datin' and romance stuff. Colts are usually real soft and sensitive, ya gotta figure 'em out."
  1937. >"Yer not like the other colts, Anon, Ah get you. Ah'm gettin' a bit on in age, need to start thinking about startin' a family."
  1938. "I don't really know if we could start a family together, AJ."
  1939. >"Twilight doesn't think our species'll be an issue, says it ain't nothin' a little magic couldn't fix."
  1940. >A raised eyebrow from you, and AJ catches that she's probably said too much
  1941. >"N-not that I've been going behind your back or anythin', Ah just asked outta curiosity's all."
  1942. >She swallows nervously as you take another sip of beer
  1943. "This is kind of a big ask, AJ. I like you, but not even five minutes ago I thought we were just friends."
  1944. >She deflates
  1945. >"So, that's a no then?"
  1946. "I didn't say that. Just that it's a big ask."
  1947. >She perks up slightly
  1948. >"Ah suppose it is...Ah'll give you some time to think on it, okay?"
  1949. "Thanks, AJ."
  1950. >You pat her back, and she lingers on the contact for a moment before heading out
  1951. >You take another sip of beer
  1952. "This beer tastes awful."
  1954. > You take a sip from your growler of cider
  1955. "So, your sister asked me to marry her."
  1956. > "Ayup."
  1957. > Big Mac takes a sip from a steel can
  1958. > It's actually a margarita in there but he's got a "moonshining Jane-colt" reputation to maintain.
  1959. > Case in point, he turns away and horks a loogie about three yards off the veranda. 
  1960. > There's a long pause. He's a colt of few words. 
  1961. > "You considerin' it?"
  1962. "Yeah."
  1963. > "Eyup."
  1964. > He spits through his teeth, down into the flowerbed. 
  1965. >"She's all right. She'll do good by you."
  1966. > You take another swig
  1967. > She was right, this cider ain't that good
  1968. > Burns your throat a lot
  1969. > Too sweet
  1970. > Probably needs to be served cold to dull the taste
  1971. > Beats really shitty beer, though
  1972. > "She's noisy as fuck rollin' in the hay, though."
  1973. > Cider almost comes out your nose
  1974. > Jesus you thought it stung when it was just in your mouth
  1975. > "... Ah suppose some colts like themselves a noisy mare, though."
  1980. >Keep your family smaller than the average Equestrian herd.
  1981. >Each one of your children gets much more attention and care as a result.
  1982. >In fact, you can practically read their minds since you spend so much time on them 
  1983. >They all grow up to be successful and well adjusted adults with the added guidance.
  1984. >Meanwhile, if you ask an average stallion what one of his 17 children's favorite color is, he blanks out and frantically tries to remember.
  1986. >Small families have negative connotations, a holdover from the days when ponies were prey animals
  1987. >Even in safer, modern times, ponies consider small families to be irresponsible
  1988. >What if one or two of their foals dies? That's the end of their family line!
  1989. >Anon's waifu is freaked out when Anon doesn't want to bring any more mares into the herd
  1990. >Does he expect her to bear 10 foals?!
  1991. >Does he want her family tree to die out?!
  1997. >Catbird still insists on building a nest
  1998. >Sits on her offspring to keep them warm
  1999. >They get too old to be comfortably sat upon 
  2000. >She finds a suitable replacement in the form of her husbands ever willing face
  2002. >Catbirds have a strong "I must sit on Thing" instincts
  2003. >Once over from the cat part, and twice over from the nesting instincts she gets from the bird part
  2004. >Anon is the frequent target of being sat on
  2005. It doesn't even have to be sexual every time. Sometimes there's face-sitting, but other times she just feels like reading a book while she sits on Anon's lap.
  2008. >Gilda convinces Anon to carry her through Ponyville's market to show him off
  2009. >Neither of them have fucks left to give, so he carries her upside down and makes out with her
  2010. >Gilda hangs there and gives the ponies there the bird while giving Anon his bird
  2018. >Anon finds some wild potatoes near the Everfree
  2019. >Plants some but cooks most of them
  2020. >Applejack asks what he's eating
  2021. >Smacks the plate out of Anon's hand when he tells her "french fried potatoes and tomato ketchup"
  2022. >Tearfully asks why he's trying to kill himself
  2028. >Take in villain mares who have no hope of romance with their tarnished reputations. 
  2029. >Like Glimmer, Trixie, Sunset, Lighting Dust, Suri Polomare, and others doomed to die alone.
  2030. >Give them a second chance and help them adjust to normal lives.
  2031. >End up with a herd that is undyingly loyal, filled with individual skill, and a collective willingness to fuck shit up if need be.
  2032. >Realize later that you have a twisted mirror image of the M6
  2037. >Minotaurs: Big muscles, naturally stronk, can lift you above their heads
  2038. >Completely fall apart if they sprain their ankle and whimper whenever you leave the room
  2039. It's all apart of old prey animal instinct.
  2040. >"No, Anon, don't go! I'm so much easier to catch and eat!"
  2042. >Anon feeds his minotaur cowfriend soup while she sits on the couch, whimpering anxiously while she cradles her wrapped up ankle
  2043. >Is instinctively terrified of predators in her state 
  2044. >"I'm going to die on this couch, aren't I?"
  2050. >Anon, immune to magic and with strength proportional to ponies and his bodymass, volunteers to help reform villains
  2051. >Sells it to twilight and Celestia because he's different than all these other ponies who grew up here and has an alien mindset
  2052. >Humans also have inherently individualistic, defiant, and strong mindscapes with high resistance to mental tampering
  2053. >Also the ability to disregard, rationalize, or otherwise NOPE out of any kind of sights or experiences these ponies consider horrible
  2054. >He winds up talking to these villains as if they were any other pony
  2055. >Calls them on their shit
  2056. >Brings them down to earth, gives them some perspective in their lives
  2057. >All with the body, face, voice, and smell of a big strong stallion
  2058. >None of those mares stood a chance.
  2061. >Anon's herd's foals are all potential super villains in the making 
  2062. >they all have canine teeth, eat meat, and are a fair bit more aggressive than normal ponies due to being half-human
  2063. >Trixie, Glimmer, and Sunset's kids are all brilliant magical powerhouses seeking to delve into forbidden arts.
  2064. >Lightning Dust's kid isn't as fast as say Rainbow Dash, but can manipulate weather on a level no Pegasi has achieved before
  2065. >Suri's kid is ridiculously strong even by Earth pony standards
  2066. >They all have their mothers' cutthroat personalities
  2067. >the only thing keep them from actually going through with it is that it would disappoint their father
  2070. >Individually, they can be big and powerful.
  2071. >They were ruthless and powerful, with hatred, wrath, greed and envy feeding their hearts.
  2072. >before, they had nothing to lose.
  2073. >The cold and loneliness were all that they had.
  2074. >But now, there's somepony.
  2075. >More like somehuman, that now, helps them to try what they though was impossible.
  2076. >Someone to forget the pain of loneliness.
  2077. >Someone to be there to catch you when you fall.
  2078. >Someone to feed that past hunger.
  2079. >Someone to hug and forget the cold world.
  2080. >Someone to forget the wrath and give a second chance.
  2081. >Someone to heal and mend a broken heard.
  2082. >That's what the "villains" see in Anon.
  2083. >But what would happend if you take away what the villains cherish and love the most?
  2085. >The Princesses offer to PAY Anon's herd not to have anymore foals on the fear that the next really will become the next major threat to Equestria.
  2088. >Anon declines, since he loves making love to his waifus too much
  2089. >His waifus also make loads of money; at least when their skills are applied correctly
  2090. >Anon makes sure of this
  2091. >Celestia can't force him to stop
  2092. >She also can't do anything to keep him from having foals either, since he's got four ex-villains at his beck and call, and his daughterus would get desperate if they think the princesses themselves are out to get their father
  2093. >Discord's help is right out, since Sunset's foal has learned things nopony was meant to know, she could off him with enough effort
  2094. >Chrysalis is out too, since Trixie's foal could demolish the entire hive alone if she thinks her father has been kidnapped
  2095. >Not that they could make it past Suri's daughter
  2096. >She can't let Marchiavelli even hear about this, since she'd bungle the entire political structure and possibly turn them against her for generations
  2097. >Twilight's too nerdy to convince or seduce him, and it would only make him more powerfoal as the head of the herd
  2098. >What can she do to stop this?
  2104. >Big Mac, contrary to most stallions, isn't all that concerned about finding a mare or several and having a bunch of foals
  2105. >He's content with life as is, and he'll get around to it eventually.
  2106. >Maybe.
  2107. >If he feels like it.
  2108. >His attitude of course does not pass without comment from his many relatives
  2109. >Though the only one whose opinions he actually cares about is Granny Smith
  2110. >Granny's sort of grudgingly letting things be, sure that he'll come around later, convinced that all stallions do eventually.
  2111. >That and she knows how pointless it is to try to force an Apple about something that they've got their mind set on.
  2112. >Better to let him come around on his own time and make him think it was his idea.
  2113. >Maybe seeing his sister have some, and finding out he's "Uncle Mac" now would do the trick...
  2115. >Applejack has always wanted a large family
  2116. >Sure she has a lot of cousins and such, because the rest of the Apple Clan is huge.
  2117. >It just doesn't seem right to her that 'her' part of it is so small...
  2118. >If only the accident hadn't happened, she might have had a whole herd of siblings running around to help out on the farm
  2119. >But now with Anon around, and a little magical assistance, she just might be able to have her own little ones
  2122. >The other stallions in the town use him now as their clam-jamming fat friend when they take him out to the bar with them every week
  2123. >He's a really good line of defense, even better than the really marely colts they had before
  2124. >Until the day he was disarmed by a cutie patootie derpy hooves
  2125. >She wasn't aggressive, just forward
  2126. >Kinda clumsy, but genuinely interested in Anon
  2127. >She was a nice mare
  2128. >Anon leaves his friends to the wolves at the bar and takes her home
  2134. >Anon and Pinkie Pie start dating
  2135. >All the stallions try to convince him to leave her, since he deserves so much better than that chubby weirdo
  2136. >He doesn't even notice; The subtext of their backhanded compliments flies right over his head
  2138. >"She's got so many friends. How can she spend the time together you deserve?"
  2139. "Yeah, her schedule can be a little hectic at times, but that just makes the time we spend together even sweeter."
  2140. >"You know, she is a little... Plump. Most stallions wouldn't give her a second glance."
  2141. "She could stand to lose a few pounds, but what do you expect? She works at a bakery."
  2142. "Besides, that thick earth pony muscles, with a little layer of fat... She's like a big cuddly pillow!"
  2147. >Anon brings a musical instrument with him to Equestria
  2148. >He ends up becoming a famous musician
  2149. >Despite the fact that he's just getting up on stage and playing music normally, he becomes something like the Equestrian equivalent of a J or K pop star
  2150. >Including the devoted, fanatical, cancerous fanbase
  2151. >When he starts dating a mare, his fans are up in arms
  2152. >He's supposed to stay pure for them, dammit!
  2153. >Since there's no internet to harass him or his slut over, a few of his most ardent fans decide to head to his hometown and try to preserve his precious virginity
  2154. >Hijinks ensue
  2159. >Anon assumes Rainbow is gay and asks her how to get mares.
  2160. >Rainbow plays along because gay friend perks.
  2163. "Anon you don't have to stuff your thong."
  2164. >"Excuse me? This is all me, dash"
  2165. "No way, it's not even subtle. It's like there's a sausage stuffed in there."
  2166. >"Don't believe me? Feel for yourself."
  2168. >"C'mere, Anon."
  2169. "What is it?"
  2170. >"Pants off. Mares get weirded out if your junk smells weird, so I'm gonna get a whiff and see if you need to take a shower or something."
  2172. >"Anon, you need to make sure that a mare will stick with you even after the first time having sex. I can teach you how."
  2173. "Ok, how would I do that? Buy her flowers and listen to her a lot?"
  2174. >"No, you need to be the very best at 'giving her face.' Don't worry, I'll teach you all about that as long as you're willing to practice."
  2180. >Anon is hired by Filthy Rich as a nanny
  2181. >Anon's duties are house cleaning, meal cooking, and making sure that Diamond Tiara doesn't kill herself or sneak out or whatever
  2182. >Diamond Tiara has gone through nearly a dozen nannies, half of which try to steal from her family
  2183. >Imagine her surprise when Anon goes above and beyond his duties as nanny and actually cares about her
  2184. >Makes sure she does her homework, plays with her when she's bored, makes sure she eats enough during meals, etc
  2185. >Diamond Tiara crushes hard on Anon
  2186. >DT's her usual bitchy self at school, but her personality does a complete 180 when Anon comes by to pick her up
  2189. >"It's not like I'm letting you pet me because I like it, you looked like you needed to calm down, yeah, that's it."
  2191. >"As your reward for your barely adequate service that still exceeds all my other live in nannies, you may attend me in the bath."
  2192. >her blushing intensifies
  2199. >Pinkie is not chubby
  2200. >Not even a little bit
  2201. >For an Earth Pony, she looks just barely better than an anorexic.
  2203. >This is decidedly suboptimal for Party Horse
  2204. >What stallion would want a mare with no flanks to speak of?
  2206. >No matter how hard she tries, she just can't seem to gain any weight
  2207. >Ponk needs badonkadonk!
  2208. >And she just can't get it.
  2210. >Twilight is convinced that her reality warping magic must consume truly massive amounts of calories to explain how she can eat several times her body mass worth of sweets in a single sitting, and have nothing to show for it.
  2215. >Being tall and slender with a defined face is seen as the one of the hallmarks of regal beauty.
  2216. >Meaning that alicorns are the most desirable pony race by far.
  2217. >In comes you, now the tallest being in Equestria.
  2218. >Add that to your long limbs, your relatively narrow profile, and your foal-like face (small yet defined facial features.) and ponies look at you like humans look at alicorns.
  2219. >Majestic, yet adorable in an otherworldly way.
  2220. >You may not fill a few other things that ponies find attractive, but being exotic makes up for much of that.
  2221. >Can't take even 10 steps outside before ponies crowd around.
  2222. >Even the most macho mares become shy yet are still compelled to vy for your attention.
  2223. >Stallions practically mow each other down to get close and enthusiastically try to befriend you, like how girls in highschool form a clique around the pretty girls. 
  2224. >You're not real sure how to take it.
  2228. >Get rich easy just off modeling.
  2229. >Roll with an entourage of fabulous stallion friends.
  2230. >Be the legendary beauty invited to all the most prestigious gatherings in Canterlot.
  2231. >Always at least one magazine with you on the front. 
  2232. >Find an eager waifu or two.
  2233. >Have handful of foals. 
  2234. >Live a life of glam.
  2236. >Model Anon
  2237. >Fleur Dis Lee is grooming him for life as a professional model
  2238. >Little does he know she's also grooming him to be a model husband
  2239. >She hopes to have him on the cover of HorsepunVogue in six months, and preparing meals, cleaning her home, and pumping her womb full of foals in eight
  2245. >There are no mom jokes in RGREquestria
  2246. >But there are dad jokes
  2247. >but they're not funny or groaners, though
  2248. >"Oh yeah, well your dad fucked me last night!"
  2249. >"I'd be mad, but I'm still feeling the afterglow of sitting on your dad's face for a couple hours"
  2250. >"I can't hear you with all your dad's cum sloshing around in my gut/pussy/stomach."
  2255. >Other mares give Lyra shit for having thicc breeding hips.
  2256. >She ignores them. She knows what, or rather WHO her strategic weight gain is going to attract.
  2257. >And sure enough, the mares who made fun of her have to eat their words when Lyra finds herself the sole recipient of a certain biped's affection.
  2264. >ywn get flutters to shamefully admit to all the sex toys she has
  2265. >ywn rock her world when you tell her you are gonna use them on her
  2266. >ywn push in her buttplug
  2267. >Ywn get her to admit she likes to cosplay as characters from her Animoo comics
  2268. >Ywn fuck her while she's dressed as one of the characters
  2269. >Ywn blow your load inside her while she screams "oni-chaan!" or some other weeb shit
  2276. > Be Hull O' Blue 
  2277. > You knew the company couldn't afford a proper, professional crew of sailors, but even so
  2278. > There's even some Anonkin, judging by the names
  2279. > You continues the roll call
  2280. "Fucker!"
  2281. > "Here!"
  2282. "Mother Fucker!"
  2283. > "Present!"
  2284. "Old Mother Fucker!"
  2285. > "You rang?"
  2286. > Anonkin are usually pretty serious about their jobs, so you can't complain too much
  2287. > And they are always nice pieces of eye candy
  2288. > But the whimsy
  2289. > Dear Sun and Moon, the whimsy
  2290. "Really Old Fucker!"
  2291. > "Right behind you, Captain."
  2292. > You look over your shoulder with a frown
  2293. > You had forgotten the navigator was one of them
  2294. > Discord take you, there is no way this voyage is going to go smoothly
  2295. > With your luck, he's probably in disguise as the cook or something
  2296. "Dead Fucker!"
  2297. > Silence
  2298. > You look up from the scroll
  2299. "Does anypony know where Dead Fucker is?"
  2300. > And then you see it
  2301. > Some joker brought a skeleton on board
  2302. > Fucker is waving its leg in the air
  2303. > Tight Pants, the company liaison, has the grace to look embarrassed
  2304. > "It was one of their stipulations, I'm afraid. One last voyage for their fallen brother."
  2305. > Of course
  2306. > You sigh
  2307. "Right. Welcome aboard you all to Rick's Limb, and keep your damn whimsy to a minimum. Understood?"
  2308. > A score of voices yell back in unison
  2309. > "Yes ma'am!"
  2310. "Mares and stallions to your stations, I expect to be out of the harbor by the next bell!"
  2311. > As motley as your crew is, they seem to know their jobs
  2312. > Perhaps you really will find the Fort Anne archives, that legendary library of human lore
  2318. >Lyra thinks Anon and his fingers are gross
  2319. >Bon Bon is enraptured when she watches Anon unwrap a candy quickly and easily
  2320. >"He didn't have to use his mouth or hooves or ANYTHING!"
  2321. >Tries to hire him to help with the candy production
  2327. Anon sets up a scarecrow. Pegamares think it's a human male and flock to it. The plants around it are just bonus for spending time with the hot silent colt.
  2329. >Anon carefully plants poison joke in the field around the scarecrow on a Friday 
  2330. >Hangs out with AJ drinking cider all day in the park the next day, watching for any that got caught in his trap
  2335. >Ponies only have the most basic of sex toys
  2336. >It's shameful to have them for mares /and/ stallions.
  2337. >A mare who can't get dick is a failure
  2338. >A stallion who would rather rut something fake than the horde of willing mares is unbelievably selfish.
  2339. >Because who ever heard of a stallion that couldn't get laid on demand (they exist, but don't bother trying to convince anypony of that)
  2341. >Most ponies who want a sex toy have to get by with the improvised kind.
  2342. >A filly during her first estrus will look longingly at that cucumber in the vegetable drawer.
  2343. >A unicorn mare might repurpose a magic crystal that vibrates.
  2344. >For the awkward gangly colt, he'll never be able to look at the couch in the living room the same way again, after that one time.
  2350. >there is a dragon literally named "Bad Dragon" who sells these in a variety of sizes
  2351. >They can't be produced in Equestria
  2352. >They're subject to huge import taxes
  2353. >Ponies pay out the nose to have them shipped in anyways, in nondescript cardboard boxes
  2354. >Bad Dragon asks Anonymous to come visit for an "earning opportunity"
  2355. >He asks Twilight what that's all about
  2356. >She knows, but she doesn't want him to know she knows
  2357. >What do
  2362. >Shock!
  2363. >Scandal!
  2364. >The nobility is all in a tizzy over it
  2365. >Princess Cadence, along with Rarity and her ilk all over the country find it just *so romantic* that Love conquers such meager barriers as social status.
  2367. alternatively
  2369. >Celestia just tells everyone that he is of noble blood among his kind
  2370. >What humans are around to say any different?
  2371. >His not behaving like an aristocrat stallion is just cultural differences
  2372. >He *is* an alien after all
  2377. Anon, after a couple months in equestria is suffering withdrawals from not being called a faggot. Because the stallions are all acting like girls theres no smack talk or banter between them. So Anon convinces the mane 6 to let him join in in their Mares night and talk shit to him. The pony who absolutely fucking roasts him is not who he expects.
  2383. >Twilight Velvet finds Night Light sleeping with another mare. probably fluer or whatever her name is. 
  2384. >She files for a divorce and Night Light gets 75% of the stuff because 'poor colt needs help'. 
  2385. >Night Light gets to the kids first and makes up some bullshit story and they accept it because "Why would their own father lie about something like that."
  2386. >Twilight and Shining can't believe their mom would do that to their father and pretty much disown her and refuse to talk to her. 
  2387. >Velvet is absolutely ruined. 
  2388. >She still kept her job but most of her coworkers shun her. 
  2389. >Velvet starts going to bars to drink away the real world.
  2390. >One day she is approached by a large bipedal stallion. 
  2391. >They talk and hit it off. 
  2392. >Months into them dating Velvet realize how much freedom she has around Anon that she didn't with Night Light
  2393. >Doesn't complain about how she takes care of herself, yet cares enough to worry about her. 
  2394. >Likes sports. 
  2395. >Doesn't care if she hangs out with the mares alot. 
  2396. >Doesn't bug her about money. 
  2397. >Doesn't complain for days about her forgetting something. 
  2398. >Starts becoming all around more happy with her life. 
  2399. >A year or so later they get married. 
  2400. >Twilight can't believe her mother remarried. 
  2401. >She tries to give her shit about it. 
  2402. >It keeps going to the point Velvet tells her to get bent. 
  2403. > Eventually Velvet figures out she married a colt young enough to be her son. 
  2404. >She's never been so wet before.
  2408. >Twilight Velvet and Night Light get a divorce after Night Light cheats
  2409. >Twilight Velvet Loses the house and has to stay with her daughter, where Anon is conveniently staying
  2410. >Anon is the only person to believe Velvet without trying to make justifications for Night Light
  2411. >They hit it off
  2412. >Twilight Sparkle walks in on the strange bipedal inter dimensional being fucking her mother hard on her own princess sized bed
  2414. >Twilight is scarred and recounts what happened to her friends when they ask why she looks like she hasn't slept.
  2415. >Rainbow Dash asks if it was hot
  2416. >OutragedFashionHorse.poni
  2419. "Hey Velvet, I'm home."
  2420. >"Hi deary, how was work?"
  2421. "Fucking horrible. Goddamn ponies."
  2422. >You flop onto the couch longways in the living room
  2423. >"Aw, I'm sorry. I'll be in in just a minute to have a seat."
  2424. >You wriggle lower on the couch to get your head on one of the cushions
  2425. >Velvet comes in the living room with a book and some tea
  2426. >She takes a seat on the couch too
  2427. >You love the way she smells
  2428. >"Would you like me to rub your hair?
  2429. >You nod between her thighs.
  2430. >This was really your favorite part of the day.
  2433. >>I would like to keep Velvet all to myself without the whole sharing with her daughter business.
  2435. >Not wanting the confusing but still oddly heartwarming situation of a mother coaching her you and her daughter on how to care for the children you produced with both of them
  2439. She's old enough to be Mrs. Rogers. She has a grandkid, remember?
  2441. "See you later, Velvet, I'm heading off for work!"
  2442. >"Goodbye, sweetheart!"
  2443. >Velvet rears up on her hind legs and gives you a chaste, closed-mouth kiss on the lips.
  2444. >"And remember, dear," she says, playing with the collar of her red sweater, "I like you just the way you are."
  2448. >”So, what are we supposed to call them relative to us?” Twilight asks with a tilted head.
  2449. >Velvet taps her chin in thought, shifting a bit on the bed so the sleeping foal tucked against her side wasn’t poking his horn into her.
  2450. >Thankfully, little Dusk isn’t as clingy as her Shiny was as a youngling, so the tiny unicorn remains asleep.
  2451. >”Normally, Dawn here would be considered my grand-daughter,” Velvet starts, tilting her head to the tiny alicorn playing with Twilight’s wing. “But since we’re in one herd, she’ll be considered a step-daughter to me, just as Dusk won’t be your uncle, but a step-son. Since both have the same father, it’ll be a little easier to file.”
  2452. >”This sounds like it could be confusing?” Twilight states unsurely as she pulls her rambunctious daughter closer with a wing.
  2453. >The elder mare snorts. “Sweetie, you have no idea. Once we have to finalize all the paperwork for this, it’ll be a red tape nightmare.”
  2454. >Idly, the unicorn mare wonders if she can beg a stiff drink out of her human, then dashes the thought. There’s no way he’ll let her while Dusk still needs nursed.
  2455. >Night Light was the same way, but decidedly more unpleasant about it.
  2456. >Velvet loses her train of thought when Dawn wiggles out from under her mother’s wing and dashes to her half-brother as fast as a month old foal can.
  2457. >Said half-brother is booped and bapped awake by his hyper sister, who quickly ropes the bleary little colt into playing with her.
  2458. >The eldest mother and daughter both smile at the sight.
  2459. >Now, what was Velvet thinking of again..?
  2460. >Wait... That’s it!
  2461. >Velvet smirks. “Twilight? How would like a bit more practice on the art of being a mom?”
  2462. >The purple alicorn blinks unsurely. “How?”
  2463. >”Well, there’s two foals here, and you’ve got two teats...”
  2464. >Twilight’s face falls into a flat expression. “You just want to drink again, don’t you?”
  2465. >”Don’t judge me.”
  2467. >"Try spelling out my name, Anon."
  2468. >"Pay special attention to this little part here when I wink."
  2469. >"Stiffen your tongue and use your neck for a bit, dear. Yes, just like that."
  2470. >"Ho-kay, Anon, keep your m-mouth open. I've been, hah, on that special diet for a while now, so I know you'll l-love the taste..."
  2471. >"Know that I love you Anon, and I still would even if you didn't do this for me every day."
  2474. >Anon and Velvet have been together for a while
  2475. >However, neither of them have really made love with each other
  2476. >Anon feels that it might be awkward to bring it up to a mother like her
  2477. >Velvet feels that she might seem perverted to Anon if she's too forward about it
  2484. >Prostitution is legal in equestria
  2485. >Anon, loving the hoerspussay, signs up immediately
  2486. >Turns out married mares are the most undersexed class in the country
  2487. >He's had to run from a lot of angry husbands
  2488. >So many times he now ties a bell around the front door
  2489. >He keeps a rope handy for window escapes
  2490. >He's had to learn on the job how to sneak around, sneak in, sneak out, and generally avoid detection
  2491. >Anon adopts the prostitute name "Sam Fister"
  2492. >He charges double for fucking a mare while her husband is home without detection
  2498. >Colts are the bad guys.
  2499. >Ponies think that Anon is some kind of evil villain.
  2500. >Because every time a weird stallion has set up in the last decade or so they have been evil.
  2501. >Joe the drowner zebra, who drowned animals for fun.
  2502. >Smootchie the midget unicorn, who tried to poison the town using his evil lipstick.
  2503. >Sombrero the hatted earth pony, who used his evil hat powers to crystalize ponies.
  2504. >The list goes on.
  2505. >For quite a while.
  2506. Anon is just too lazy to be dangerously evil
  2511. >maybe it's just name-based. Your first daughter God-Empress Ultramagic surpasses both Twilight Sparkle and Starswirl the Bearded despite being an earth pony.
  2513. >"Ultraaaa, where are you sweetie?"
  2514. >"Over here mom."
  2515. >Your wife, Coco, walks out of the house.
  2516. >It's probably time for school. You always loose track of time watching her play in the mornings, rocking in your chair on the veranda, digesting breakfast.
  2517. >Ultra had stolen some of your sausage again. Coco had conceded that she'd probably inherited an omnivorous diet from her father.
  2518. >She picks up to a trot as she approaches your daughter. Unf, dat plot.
  2519. >"Admiring the sky? It is a lovely day, maybe we should go for a picnic after school."
  2520. >She sits next to God-Empress Ultra, nuzzling her gently.
  2521. >You were glad she'd been in Manehatten when labor hit, their horsepital was easy about handing out epidurals. There's no way she would've agreed to that name if she hadn't been high as a kite.
  2522. >Ultra ignores her mom. Not out of rudeness. She's always gotten wrapped up in her thoughts.
  2523. >You were pretty sure she was gonna get something philosophical for her cutie mark, like a lectern or scroll.
  2524. >The wind's picking up, blowing her silvery mane and tail back and forth.
  2525. >Coco's also content to sit there with her, admiring the clouds streaming by.
  2526. >Some sort of rush delivery if you remembered the weather bulletin correctly.
  2527. >"Mom," Ultra breaks the silence, "I don't understand about the sun. Only Celestia and Luna can raise and lower it right?"
  2528. >"Well, I think I remember that other unicorns could, but it's very hard."
  2529. >"Huh. That's what I don't understand. What's so hard about it?"
  2530. >"Oh, well geez Ultra. We're Earth ponies, I've never thought much about it. Maybe it's... really far away?"
  2531. >"Hmm. I dunno. It doesn't feel that far away."
  2532. >"Uhm, I don't know what you mean honey."
  2533. >"I've been thinking about it ever since Applejack let me try bucking at the farm. It doesn't seem that different."
  2534. >"Th- the sun? Doesn't feel different from bucking?"
  2535. >"No, yeah, well, let me show you."
  2536. >What the fuck?
  2537. >This was new.
  2538. >She's rears back a little, kicks her little hoovesies some-
  2539. >Hnnnnnng
  2540. >Then falls to her forehooves and does the same with her rear legs.
  2541. >This time when her legs come down it's with a cracking sound. You can see shockwaves of silver light flowing through the ground from the point of impact.
  2542. >Your head feels like a bell Pinkie Pie is ringing but you catch God-Empress hitting the ground again with a seemingly practiced motion.
  2543. >The shockwave changes, quiets down, and you see a colum of pale light rising from the horizon to embrace the sun.
  2544. >You're not sure when you stood from your chair but you can only stare, aghast, as the celestial orb drops until its rim suddenly hits the horizon.
  2545. >You can't stare too long at that though because now your daughter is hovering above the ground, wrapped in a skein of light.
  2546. >You stagger forward, seeing her eyes sparking, streamers of jagged light thrown off from her flank as she drifts to a gentle landing, a glimmering cutie mark solidifying in her coat.
  2547. >It's a golden crown with a sun, sphere with a lunar crescent, and scepter with Twilight's six pointed star.
  2548. >Oh boy. You feel like some princesses are going to want explanations....
  2552. >Princesses see what happened
  2553. >Decide immediately that Anon will now be responsible for naming all ponies
  2554. >This will completely eliminate the need to spend all that effort on the Pony Insturmentality Project they've been testing on Celestia's students.
  2555. >With only a hooffull of successes like Twilight and Cadence.
  2556. >So much more free time.
  2557. >Luna can finally have a hobby.
  2558. >Celestia can actually take a week off.
  2564. >Anon is given an honor guard to protect him because "He is as pure as driven snow"
  2565. >His honor guard is named White Knight. Who goes out of her way to "protect his honor"
  2566. >She is secretly really attracted to Anon but cannot act on it... Even though he is lewd as fuck to pony standards.
  2567. >She also wears a sun hat when not in full armor.
  2572. >Equestria treats royal weddings like in medieval europe
  2573. >Anon marries both Celestia and Luna because this is my green dammit
  2574. >All of the nobles show up, along with the mane six and half of ponyville, where he first lived in this world
  2575. >After the ceremony, reception, and speeches, the mane six and many of princesses favorite nobles pick them all up and carry them to the royal bedrooms
  2576. >The huge room is filled with chairs and pillows surrounding a huge bed
  2577. >They all expect to watch Anon have sex with both princesses, as is tradition to ensure an heir
  2578. >Cadance and Shining Armor have a front-row seat not two feet from the bed
  2579. >It takes so long to get to the main event because of foreplay they start bringing in snack cakes and coffee
  2580. >They all watch Anon speed up and start chanting almost in sync with luna's squeaks
  2581. >They have to take an intermission before he gets to her sister
  2584. >half an hour of foreplay, twenty of which is oral given to the mare, followed by thirty minutes of fucking kissing her and playing with her teats in the missionary position
  2585. >all the nobles watch and get jealous, tell their friends about it
  2586. >they try to emulate it, and fail
  2587. >those shitty magazines full of relationship advice are obsessed for the next decade on how to be able to perform "the royal treatment"
  2592. >anon being the only human makes him on the endangered species list 
  2593. >his reproduction is the top priority of many ponys jobs
  2594. >just like with endangering tortoises in the zoo any time anon gets it on there is a lot of fanfare and excitement
  2595. >eventually becomes a tourist attraction 
  2596. >tickets are sold to watch anon save the human race
  2600. Anon in RGREquestria.
  2601. >Mares normally give the "protective older sister" routine to prospective mares courting a stallion they're close to.
  2602. >No expectation of the reverse.
  2603. >Anon starts courting Fluttershy.
  2604. >Discord being Discord, doesn't feel like he has to conform to expectations.
  2605. >And Discord cares about Fluttershy, and figures she needs it more than most stallions do.
  2606. >Discord gives the un-heard-of "protective older brother" routine to Anon.
  2607. >Overdoes it. Gives him the full chaos treatment.
  2608. >Fluttershy resents the protectiveness, but she can't bring herself to say anything strong enough to Discord.
  2609. >Mild disapproval, but not enough to make him think it's a bad idea.
  2611. Version 1:
  2612. >Her friends can't bring themselves to argue with Discord's...logic?
  2613. >They won't do anything to intervene either.
  2614. >Anon cares enough to keep pursuing Fluttershy despite everything.
  2616. Version 2:
  2617. >Her friends resent what Discord is doing.
  2618. >They can't convince him to stop.
  2619. >They can't get Fluttershy to convince him to stop.
  2620. >So they decide to help Anon court Fluttershy despite the chaos being rained down on him
  2622. >Anon calls him a casual
  2623. >Asks him where the slimy tentacles, impossible geometry, sexy daemonesses, and madness is
  2624. >Discord is a little squicked-out from his suggestions
  2625. "Don't touch me, you filthy casual faggot."
  2627. >Anon makes Discord his bitch. 
  2628. >Princesses get scared. 
  2629. >They tell The mane 6 to hit him with a harmony lazer. 
  2630. >They do. 
  2631. >For a good minute all they see is smoke and dust. 
  2632. >Then out comes Anon. 
  2633. >No change, no stone, no banishment. 
  2634. "0/10 worst lazer ever. Would not recommend."
  2635. >They can't believe it. 
  2636. >H-How? 
  2637. >How was that a 0/10! Was clearly best lazer! Worst taste! Get out now! REEEEEEEEEE
  2646. >Fluttershy is like the gangly geek in school who grew up into an Adonis with a 6-pack and a 9 inch dick.
  2647. >In pone terms, she has the biggest, softest wings, a huge tuft, and a cunt tight enough to crush an aluminum baseball bat.
  2648. >The damage was done, though, so she never lost her demure attitude or geeky interests despite being a jaw dropping 11/10.
  2654. >In this version of RGRE, there is an isolated kingdom of humans, led by Prince Scorpan
  2655. >Seeing humans is incredibly rare, they keep to themselves and avoid contact with the world outside their kingdom
  2656. >Celestia still gets bills from their kingdom, demanding that she pay for their border wall.
  2657. >Anon shows up
  2658. >Ponies assume it's Prince Scorpan, venturing out of his kingdom ANONYMOUSly to learn about the outside world
  2659. >Something Something RGRE™
  2664. >Marefriend thinks you're unhappily trying to please her by "faking" being horny 24/7.
  2665. >Because what stallion just gives away sex without using it as leverage over a mare?
  2666. >You actually are horny 24/7 because you've discovered the magic that is almost always willing mare puss.
  2667. >Now you've got to convince her that your affection is genuine.
  2672. t would be unisex and would be like hot springs from my japanese animes. Teenage mares would wait inside for hours hoping for a young stallion to share the hot spring with them but they only ever get gross old fat stallions
  2678. >Copper and nickle are rare materials in equestria worth a lot of money per ounce while gold is somewhat common
  2679. >Anon just so happens to have several change jars full of the stuff lying around
  2680. >This makes Anon worth several million bits, and when word gets around, has to beat the hundreds of suitresses trying to get at his money
  2685. > Cross dressing
  2687. > Equestrian traps are mares that wear button down shirts and slacks, stuffing a ball bra 
  2688. > Due to Anon's nipples, ponies assume he is a trap
  2689. > Something something flustered mares
  2692. >"I-im not a dyke if I watch tomcolts taking dildos in the vagina at HornTube..."
  2693. >"I mean ,there is just a minor difference​ between that and watching two gay stallions having sex with each other !"
  2694. >"And watching two stallions have sex with each other and masturbating to it is not what dykes doing"
  2700. What if the reason for the skewed gender ratios is analogical to what happened in China?
  2701. >Equestria is undergoing a baby boom after a warmer period
  2702. >the population gets out of control rapidly, and tension around food and land rise up
  2703. >then the climate starts going back to colder one again
  2704. >nation is going to collapse if nothing is done
  2705. >Celestia makes the hard call of implementing the one child policy
  2706. >it is not received well, but there is nothing ponies can do
  2707. >dura lex sed lex
  2708. >mares were more likely to hold a more beneficial position in administration and the like, due to princesses being at the helm, while stallions were mostly working in the field to keep up the with the skyrocketing demands
  2709. >colts were downright abandoned in the forest before long, due to the draconian taxes for multiple children
  2710. >Luna has to deal with uncountable nightmares of mothers who weep after their children
  2711. >she cannot take it anymore and demands the abolishment of the policy
  2712. >when denied, she snaps and goes NMM to "bring down the tyrant"
  2713. >she actually had some following amongst the common folk
  2714. >but it was not enough
  2715. >3 generations later Celestia realises that she didn't even notice when the point of no return was passed
  2716. >irreversable damage has been done, but the ponies already started to adapt to the new situation
  2717. >mares take over the physical labour, stallions are being protected
  2718. >the population becomes much slower to grow now, and the policy is abandoned
  2719. >before long, nobody even remembers that things used to work differently
  2720. >except for Luna, on her moon
  2726. >Contrary to what the tabloids would have you believe, Celestia is not secretly Molestia
  2727. >In fact, she's such a prude that she's still a virgin
  2729. >Luna is the scandalous one.
  2730. >She thinks Celly is horribly repressed, and would be a lot happier if she got some good loving dicking.
  2732. >Luckily, Anon is Luna's very good friends; he produces the best dreams from Earth and Luna enjoys them immensely.
  2733. >Implores him to take a train to Canterlot and steal her sister's virginity
  2734. >She had Anon at "train"
  2739. >"The night will last fore-'
  2740. >There's a hot exotic male here
  2741. >SexiNightPrincess.pon
  2742. >"Hey Bby, u lookin' for a real mare?"
  2746. >Nightmare Moon grumbles in protest as she allows you to gently push her onto her back.
  2747. >Her hooves instinctively curl up against her chest, giving her raw sexiness an edge of cuteness.
  2748. >A blush peeks through her black fur, and she can barely force herself to look you in the eyes.
  2749. >Had you not seen her acts of legitimate cruelty towards the ponies who refused to fall under her rule, you would have pegged her as a stereotypical tsundere from your ching chong animes.
  2750. >She mercifully spares you the nightmares that would have normally resulted from witnessing her bloody rise to power.
  2751. >"J-Just to be clear," she stutters, "I'm only letting you do this because it's your birthday."
  2752. "Hmmm? Do what?"
  2753. >You crawl over her until you are face-to-face, and then relax your body.
  2754. >The alicorn body is tough and your body practically weighs nothing to her.
  2755. >Nightmare moon stifles a gasp and her blush intensifies.
  2756. >"Th-This!"
  2757. >Oh, right.
  2758. >Sex in the "dolphin position".
  2759. >While it's a vanilla position back home, rutting belly-to-belly is a very lewd, very intimate act to ponies.
  2760. >"You've been a very faithful servant," she rambles, trying to hide how flustered this is making her, "and an equally faithful love, so I wa-"
  2761. >You interrupt her by placing a finger tip against her lips.
  2762. >You're lucky she didn't bite you.
  2763. "Shhh..."
  2764. >You rub your cock against the winking length of Nightmare's pussy, making her wriggle impatiently against you.
  2765. "Let's make this night last forever..."
  2766. >Something something RGRE
  2773. >Cowboy shows up
  2774. >Is used to very rigid gender roles just to have his life and understanding of them flipped upside down
  2775. >All the mares go crazy for him, opening doors for him and catcalling him slowly driving him nuts
  2776. >He, being a cowboy, feels he doesn't need mares help, gets angry at them
  2777. >They just think its cute to see him mad
  2778. >Something something more RGRE
  2779. >Cowboy Anon dies of cuddles
  2781. >Cowboy Anon seeks refuge at Sweet Apple Acres
  2782. >Applejack figures out right quick that he's like a more talkative Big Mac, and likes to do things himself
  2783. >Ain't afraid of getting dirty, or putting in a good days work.
  2784. >He's a strong independent stallion who don't need no mare
  2785. >AJ likes, and would really like to change his mind on that last part.
  2787. >She discovers the secret to his heart
  2789. >The secret is hard cider, and good 'ol home country cooking.
  2795. >Christian Anon and Pagan Anon in Equestria
  2796. >They both work hard at their trades, and spend their free time converting as many ponies as possible to their religion
  2797. >A holy war may be brewing between them, fought with pool noodles and inflatable hammers
  2798. >They eventually put their differences when Muslim Anon shows up, with a horde of newly-converted camels
  2804. >Be Anon
  2805. >You're hanging out at the street corner, waiting for tricks
  2806. >Some nervous-looking pegasus mare trots up to you. Got a trench coat and sunglasses on, as if that'll do much good. 
  2807. >"H-how much?" She asks.
  2808. >"10 for a handy, 20 for a warmy, 30 for an up-close and personal, 50 for the entire package. Ya get all that plus a nice conversation."
  2809. >Shakily, the horrid pervert fishes out a 50 bits.
  2810. >"Not out here, ya idiot. People will see. Keep your money out of sight 'til we get somewhere private."
  2811. >You lead her off to some abandoned apartment a friend lets you use. "So, whole package?"
  2812. >"Y-yes, sir. Um...how long is it, by the way?"
  2813. >"One hour."
  2814. >"...Th-that's not..."
  2815. >"I'll go two hours for 75, but that's it."
  2816. >Nodding, she produces a fifty, a twenty, and a five.
  2817. >Spend the next two hours brushing her mane with your hand, cuddling, talking, and lightly kissing (but never with tongue and never more than three seconds at a time). 
  2818. >"Alright, time's up."
  2819. >Send her on her way. 
  2820. >She'll be back. She's hooked, just like all your other clients. Damn sicko perverts.
  2822. And the follow up
  2824. >Be gentleman of negotiable affection in manehattan
  2825. >Particularly pathetic-looking Unicorn mare sidles up to you
  2826. >She's a blank flank. Considering her apparent age, that's pathetic. She's got bags under her eyes and wisdom lines around her mouth. She's grandma material. 
  2827. >"It's ten for hand-brushing, two for-"
  2828. >"I have a request actually!"
  2829. >You gesture for her to go on
  2830. >"H-...how much for you to...pretend to be my husband?"
  2831. >"..."
  2832. >"Just for a day...maybe two..."
  2833. >"...500 per day. 'Day' being a 24-hour period. I got a place rigged up like a nice, cozy home for this kinda thing. I can be whatever husband you like. We spend the whole day together acting like a couple. For an extra 100 per day I got a filly who'll pretend to be our daughter too."
  2834. >She nods solemnly and walks away.
  2835. >A few minutes later she returns with 1200 bits
  2842. >Teleiophilia is a real problem in RGRE
  2843. >It's not uncommon to find tween to teen fillies trying to harass full grown stallions.
  2844. >Whether it's just horny fillies letting their hormones talk or genuine, flustered attempts to get a jump-start on a relationship varies, but most stallions don't appreciate it.
  2850. >Anon is pure as the driven snow!
  2851. >Or at least he seems that way to mares, since he ain't a horsefucker
  2852. >But he does have a weakness for cute cuddly things (score one for just about everything in Equestria)
  2853. >Especially fillies
  2854. >Fillies who short circuit all his defenses against pone romance attempts
  2856. >Now a filly (or fillies) must play the long game, and attempt to slowly woo Anon, without falling permanently into the dreaded Friendzone.
  2863. >Celestia has tried to have romantic relationships in the past
  2864. >But she's not the picture of innocence that she projects to her subjects
  2865. >Keeping a kingdom at peace for a thousand years doesn't just happen
  2866. >She's done things she's not proud of in order to protect her little ponies
  2867. >Equestria was once a far more savage place, and behind the veneer, evils both fantastic and mundane still lurk.
  2868. >Keeping them at bay required her to make hard choices, and often to do the dirty work with her own hooves, away from prying eyes
  2869. >Luna doesn't have to hide it, being the Princess of the Night does have a few benefits
  2870. >Celestia however, is a slave to the image she has crafted of herself.
  2872. >The very few stallions that have gotten close enough to her to see under the mask did not like what they saw.
  2873. >The more successful she was at making her ponies safe, the softer they became
  2874. >Soon she stopped trying, devoting herself to her work.
  2875. >He dreams of finding one who loved her, the /real/ her, became ever more distant from reality
  2876. >Condemned to spend the long years of her Sister's exile alone, doing whatever it took to preserve Equestria.
  2878. >But Anon is no normal stallion
  2879. >Luna has seen in his dreams that the world he is from bears far more resemblance to the Equus of old, than the near paradise it has become.
  2880. >Perhaps her sister's dream could soon become reality...
  2885. >Anon introduces cosmic horror to Equestria
  2886. >Ponies think that lovecraft's pantheon is that of all of earth
  2887. >Luna can't help but be interested in the dreams of a stallion with such a capacity for darkness
  2889. "I keep telling you Luna, I can't go for anymore midnight strolls with you."
  2890. >"Well why not?" 
  2891. "Night is when my dark work is done. Soon the great old ones will descend from their seat of creation and they'll be very curious as to why their fledgling drone has yet to shake the foundation of reality." 
  2892. >"That is so hot."
  2899. >Anon goes to work at the Rock Farm with Pinkie's family
  2900. >Anon is one of the first non-family males the Pie sisters have seen
  2901. >None of them know how to act around him
  2902. >something something RGRE
  2904. >maud is utterly cool and collected as usual
  2905. >is actually freaking out on the inside
  2906. >pinkie is the only one who picks up on this because Maud blinks one too many times per minute or some such
  2908. >Limestone, unexpectedly, does not act tsundere just like my japanese animes
  2909. >Reigns in her temper and acts cool & collected
  2910. >Corners her sisters when Anon isn't around and threatens to throw them into a quarry if they get in between her and Anon Not that she would ever hurt her family
  2915. >After another long day, you're finally about to feel the sweet embrace of sleep.
  2916. >As you lay in the dark feeling your eyelids grow heavy, a brilliant flash of light practically blinds you.
  2917. >Princess Celestia is standing next to your bed.
  2918. >Beautiful. Majestic.
  2919. >...Incredibly tired looking.
  2920. >You sit up to respond to the Horse Princess, but she forces you back down with her magic.
  2921. >She wordlessly crawls under the blanket with you and wraps her limbs around your body.
  2922. >Grabbing your face with her hoof, she points your face at hers and stares deeply into your eyes before speaking in a serious tone.
  2923. >"Nopony will believe you."
  2924. >She nuzzles into your neck and wraps a wing around you as you try to figure out whether or not you're being raped.
  2929. I had an idea the other day I'm still trying to sort out, where Humans are something akin to Fae creatures or Youkai. Some are good, some evil. Some are harmless, some dangerous. Many are just /strange/.
  2931. They can appear without warning, and vanish just as quickly. They are at once familiar, and alien. With strange customs and ways of thinking.
  2933. A potential idea I had along with it was that humans aren't RGR, and that leads to some strange consequences when they interact with ponies.
  2935. A human woman might react rather poorly if a stallion were to rebuff her advances, especially if she felt that he 'insulted her beauty' in the process.
  2937. Whereas a human man might reward a mare who compliments him with more than just snuggles. She awakens the next morning, his scent on her pillow, and a valuable treasure in his absence.
  2939. But "adult" humans are rare encounters, far more likely would be a little girl (The Target Audience). They are usually not very dangerous, but they can be very annoying if they don't get what they want. Which is usually to ride around on a 'pretty' mare or filly (especially one with what they deem interesting colors), brush their manes and tails, and dress them up.
  2944. >Stallions are as big a perverts as mares
  2945. >Herds couldn't really be a thing if a stallion wasn't willing and able to satisfy them all.
  2946. >But they have to pretend otherwise, at least until they get into a committed relationship, or they get stuck with short flings
  2951. >It's a known fact that stallions are good with children and that father figures are in short supply
  2952. >Anon is friendly and typically spends his time at the park to watch ponies and learn about their behaviour
  2953. >Sometimes he'll kick a back back to a group of rough-housing fillies or help a wayward colt find his father
  2954. >Isn't prepared when baby ponies start going up to him and hugging him
  2955. >His first response is to throw up his arms and make it clear that he ISN'T touching these children who are not his
  2956. >Ponies around him "D'aww!"
  2957. >Anon has never been so confused in his life
  2962. >Anon is going steady with Applejack
  2963. >Applejack likes the way Anon isn't a prissy, moody stallion and how he can carry his own weight on the farm
  2964. >She likes how she doesn't have to be delicate with him; both with farm work and sexy times
  2965. >Anon enjoys how Applejack is one of the few mares in town who don't treat him as either a glass doll or a glorified child
  2966. >He likes how he can be himself around her and not have to worry about her jumping in to help him when she thinks he can't do something because of his gender
  2967. >Sometimes Apple Bloom slips up and calls him "Daddy"
  2968. >Life on Sweet Apple Acres is pretty good for Anon
  2971. >Anon has to go on a trip to another city for a few weeks
  2972. >Anon is welcomed back at the train station by Applejack and Apple Bloom
  2973. >Anon nearly gets his "welcome back" kiss but instead gets a big tackle-hug from Apple Bloom
  2974. >She snuggles into his chest
  2975. >"I missed you, Daddy..."
  2976. >It immediately begins raining in the station; right at the exact moment when some dust flew into Anon's eyes
  2982. >Twiggy piggy has been spending a lot of time with Anon
  2983. >Unlike other stallions, he doesn't seem to mind her being an awkward spergy bookhorse
  2984. >Whenever her friends tease her about him, she's quick to say that they are just friends
  2985. >What hurts most is that it's the truth
  2986. >And she can't seem to do anything to change it.
  2987. >A unicorn who could stare down Nightmare Moon and Discord, terrified of saying a few words to a good friend.
  2989. >Then she gets her wings
  2990. >Her body changes, she feels better than ever
  2991. >But the fundamental problem didn't change
  2992. >In fact, it got worse.
  2993. >She noticed that he seemed to be spending less and less time with her.
  2995. >Pony stallions were more than happy to try to fill the gap, with her new Alicorn form and authority.
  2996. >But she didn't want /them/.
  2997. >She wanted her friend.
  2998. >The one who hadn't cared that she was a bit messy when she ate more hayburgers than was entirely healthy
  2999. >Who would tell her stories from another world late into the night
  3000. >The only stallion besides her brother (and Spike), that she'd ever been able to truly relax around.
  3002. >But they were drifting apart, and she couldn't figure out why or what to do about it.
  3007. >Desperately clingy anon just wants love
  3008. >Keeps getting used for sex and dumped
  3009. >Mares who are interested in staying with him are driven off by his clingyness
  3010. >This just makes Anon retreat into his shell avoid ponies
  3011. >Cue some poner that is interested in Anon who is now a lonely shut in who is desperate for love but cant bring himself to trust.
  3016. >"Uh, hey Twi? Yer horn's been glowing fer a few hours now. What's going on?"
  3017. "Oh, yeah. You know how me and Anon are dating?"
  3018. >"Yah mention it at every possible opportunity. Yeah, Ah know."
  3019. "Well, after a particularly rough session in the bedroom..."
  3020. >She leans over to AJ and whispers into her ear
  3021. "Seeeeeex"
  3022. >"Ah figured."
  3023. "I realized that I didn't really know all that much about how to...um...do that sort of stuff..."
  3024. >"Ah'd've never guessed."
  3025. "Shut up. So, in order to be a better lover for Anon, I've decided to approach the issue with science!"
  3026. >"...Meaning?"
  3027. "I've magically extracted Anon's consciousness from body, sealed it in my horn, and am now running a litany of sexual simulations on it to learn the best way to please him! So far, he's orgasmed 457 times."
  3028. >"W-what the buck, Twilight!? That's sounds-"
  3029. "458."
  3030. >"-that's absolutely twisted! Yer crazy!"
  3031. >Twilight waves her hoof dismissively
  3032. "Oh, please. Anon certainly isn't going to be complaining the next time we're in bed together!"
  3033. >She leans in close and lowers her voice once more
  3034. "I'm going to put his...p-penis in my mouth."
  3035. >"...Ah'm calling the pol-"
  3036. "459."
  3042. >Flower sisters working as a team to snag Anon
  3043. >Roseluck cuddles with Anon to get him used to her (and by extension, her sister's) scent
  3044. >Daisy gifts him with flowers whenever he walks by their shop as a way of showing off how successful their business is
  3045. >Lily invites him to stay at their place - at first for lunches and dinners, and then she times his visits with powerful rainstorms and convinces him to stay the night
  3046. Anon will be warming their bed and making them haybacon for breakfast in no time.
  3051. >Vinyl has a large following of stallions
  3052. >They feel like her songs are totally about them
  3053. >Vinyl regularly brings a few back stage and fucks them
  3054. >It's one of the perks of the job, you know?
  3055. >One of Anon's stallion friends convinces him to come to a show with him
  3056. >Vinyl has her groupie wrangler take Anon to her room for some good, old-fashioned sex
  3057. >Anon doesn't get the memo
  3058. >They're playing board games and shit while Vinyl's clit is screaming for attention
  3059. >She's mute, so she can't just ask him to stick his tongue in her
  3060. >When he starts setting up the board for Oponeration, she just pounces on him
  3065. >A ball of lightning suddenly opens a hole in your floor
  3066. >It crackles, sparks, and then dissipates
  3067. >Revealing Twilight
  3068. >Christ, what happened to her?
  3069. >White headband, her mane's fucked up, she's got an eye patch and even a cut on her cheek.
  3070. >"Anon! I'm from the future!"
  3071. Woah.
  3072. >"I have something to tell you! Equestria is in terrible danger!"
  3073. Well shit, what do I need to d-
  3074. >"You have to impregnate me!"
  3076. >You slap a hand to your face.
  3077. "For fuck's sake, Twilight. Seriously?"
  3078. >You gesture wildly at her weird future-costume.
  3079. "Seriously?!"
  3080. >Twilight grips your shoulders and shakes you back and forth.
  3081. >"Our foals will save the world, Anon! They'll be the new bearers of the Elements of Harmony!"
  3082. >It's bullshit, and you don't believe it.
  3083. >Twilight's hoof-grip loosens and she backs away a couple of steps.
  3084. >"They'll also be incredibly business savvy and will end up owning almost all of Ponyville. Is it so wrong to want a marecave with all the latest updates of Ogres and Oubliettes, and all the miniatures I could ever paint?" 
  3085. >You just glare at her.
  3086. >You would be just fine with sex if she didn't keep coming up with these dumb schemes.
  3092. >It's not immediately obvious that Anon is a male
  3093. >Twilight thinks that he's a mare
  3094. >Complains to him about how stallions are all whores and how she's such a "nice gal"
  3095. >She nearly faints when she realizes how badly she fucked up
  3096. >Anon just thinks the entire reverse "nice guy" thing is funny
  3101. > Starlight Glimmer sometimes takes things too literally
  3102. > Twilight told her to try to think about her actions from an outsider's perspective
  3103. > Starlight bungles a spell that would set up a parallel self to observe herself with
  3104. > After the inevitable magical explosion, she starts hearing voices
  3105. > The voices of stallions around her
  3106. > Starlight learns two things very quickly 
  3107. > Stallions are incredibly harsh on each other in their thoughts
  3108. > They also stare at mares' teats and tufts
  3109. > A lot
  3111. > And then there's Anon
  3112. > Broadcasting lust and violence like a vulgar fog horn
  3113. > It's hard for Starlight to keep her composure around him
  3114. > It's very arousing, hearing a stallion so hungry for sex, but it's more than that
  3115. > Starlight is starting to notice the things he fantasizes about, and has developed a bit of an appreciation for the feminine form
  3117. >"Damn, I just can't decide which of these mares I'd want to sit on my face first."
  3118. >"All these ponuts...I wonder if the mares here like anal?"
  3119. >"Breastfeeding in public like that? Guess things really are different here...I wonder if a mare would let me try that on her..."
  3120. >"Damn my balls itch. Hope these mares don't notice me doing it through my pants pocket."
  3121. >"Do the princesses ever orgasm? Can they? They probably hit horse-menopause three thousand years ago...eh, I'd still hit it."
  3122. >"Damn, look at those applebucking thighs."
  3123. >"Communism was a mistake."
  3125. >"Look at all this exposed pussy. I can't believe how much I've been masturbating; It feels like my dick's going to fall off. Woah-hoh, look at that one! I'm getting hard just by lo- Oh, god, no, it hurts... Why is everyone sexy and naked?! I need to fuck something or else I'm going to go insane!"
  3126. >Meanwhile, Glimmer is doing her best to hold back her blush and not flag up her tail at Anon
  3128. >Starlight somehow gets caught in a conversation with the local human.
  3129. >He's polite, and the topic is really of no importance.
  3130. >Though his face is even, Starlight can hear his countless idle thoughts of sex, casual violence, outright hatefulness, and other unpony things that no other stallion even has the capacity to think of.
  3131. >But the one that stands out the most is his forefront thought of grabbing her and viciously fucking her right there in public. 
  3132. >She has to bite her lip and tuck her tail, hoping no once sees the clear trail of shameful arousal running down her leg.
  3134. Or, instead of taking the obvious lewd route.
  3135. >Pony thoughts are very simple
  3136. >This doesn't mean that ponies are dumb; it's just that they don't bother with thinking about topics irrelevant to whatever's at hand
  3137. >Enter Anon, who is basically an amplified loudspeaker, blasting chunks of music and shower thoughts constantly, even while holding a conversation
  3138. >Glimmer is now very cautious of Anon's mental state
  3144. >Foal-sitter Anon
  3145. >It's one of the only jobs available to a stallion, apart from secretary and waiter
  3146. >He doesn't feel like bringing higher-ups their coffee and getting his ass slapped as thanks, nor does he like the revealing outfits that he'd have to wear when waiting tables
  3147. >Foal-sitting it is, then
  3148. >After his first half-dozen or so evenings taking care of foals, he's pretty sure he's got it down pat
  3149. >Enter: Diamond Tiara
  3150. >Ignored by her parents as they spend weeks at a time out of town attending important events, she lashes out and makes things difficult for him
  3151. >He'd split if the Riches didn't pay him so well for taking care of their daughter
  3152. >Anon persists, he doesn't leave her, and she starts to be less of a little fucking shit to him
  3153. >She starts to look forward to her evenings with him
  3154. >One evening, she greets him with a cheerful "Daddy!"
  3155. >She's mortified
  3156. >Her face when
  3162. >Sir Anonymous in Equestria
  3164. >Celestia recognizes his skill and potential threat, and takes him as one of her knights errant.
  3165. >Should he serve Her and Equestria faithfully, he will be rewarded with lands to call his own.
  3167. >Frequently clashes with the nobles, and many other knights, who find the idea of a male knight who takes himself seriously to be ridiculous
  3168. >Celestia's personal guard may be littered with stallions, but they are mostly ceremonial in this age. More for decoration than actual security. Something Anon finds absurd.
  3169. >The sovereign's bodyguard should be the most powerful force in the land in his opinion.
  3171. >He takes the young Shining Armor as his squire
  3172. >The lad has potential. Potential that is ignored by most of the other knights.
  3174. >Together they wander Equestria, going where Celestia directs, or where the currents of fate take them.
  3180. > Platonic gestures are platonic in Equestria
  3181. > Anon decides to mess with Twilight during the standard multidimensional cultural exchange survey
  3182. "Oh, holding hands is pretty lewd. Some degenerates even do it in public, but they are the exception. As for hugging..."
  3183. > Twilight disseminates the information as quickly as possible, nopony wants the new stallion to be traumatized by handmolesting or rapehugs
  3184. > Ponies hold a hoof out for a hoofshake, only to pull it back in mortification 
  3185. > Pinkie wants to hug so bad, but she can't, she isn't that kind of mare
  3186. > M-maybe when he's asleep...
  3187. > Ponies are affected in odd ways
  3188. > Mares start wondering why they are winking from just holding hooves
  3189. > Stallions are more cagey about hugs, but the ones in herds find hugs to be more satisfying somehow
  3194. >>Anon camped out on the roof of the school
  3195. >>Fuck these ponies, they aren't the boss of me
  3196. >>Steals fat pony's lunch every day
  3197. >>Motherfucker has a fork cutie mark, mother must be a chef or something
  3198. >>Whole purpose in life is to eat his mom's food, what a bitch
  3199. >>Follow him home
  3200. >>Plan in motion after he goes to school
  3201. >>Back porch, pretend to fall out of tree and smash block of wood for thud
  3202. >>Roll around on the ground crying like a bitch
  3203. >>Mommy pony comes out. Whoa, fucking MLPILTF
  3204. >>Cute act go!
  3205. >>She gives you glass of milk. Pretty sure it came from her crotchtits. Score.
  3206. >>Chubby pony comes home to you fucking his mom.
  3207. >>Mommy pone comes in front of fatty
  3208. >>Its ok, he just thinks I'm are hurting her
  3209. >>Now you steal his lunch and yell at him and call him a faggot
  3210. >>Animal control is called in. Who do these bitches think they are?
  3211. >>2 mares.
  3212. ...
  3213. >>Cute act go!
  3214. >>Bring them flowers, which the dumb horses eat
  3215. >>Sit when they tell you, but like a man on a bench with your legs crossed
  3216. >>Fatty comes to see if they caught the bad animal that hurt his mommy
  3217. >>It looks like they've got him pinned down, but he's really putting up a fight!
  3218. >>One is holding his head down by sitting on it, the other is straddling his waist, but it keeps bouncing her up and down trying to get away! Animal control must be hard work, they are both yelling at it not to stop.
  3219. >>Fat pony feels funny. He goes back into the school to eat cookies instead of watching the 2 sexy animal control mare get railed by the human.
  3224. >Oh god, can you imagine how hellish it would be to live in an Equestria where poners are that size? You can't fit into any of their buildings, and their tiny vaginas are too small for an average-sized human cock. It's like, you finger-fuck them and they're all "oh yes you're so big"
  3226. >Implying that isn't the actual size of ponies.
  3227. >Implying it wouldn't be hilarious to have Anon having to crouch everywhere to go into buildings and crawl inside.
  3228. >Implying that ponies aren't awed every-time they go into Anon's giant house.
  3229. >Implying ponies aren't the perfect super elastic cocksleeves.
  3234. >Pones that only come up to your mid thigh in height.
  3235. >You stretch them nearly to their limit despite being average.
  3236. >Petite mares like Rainbow need warmed up first or there is no way you're getting in.
  3238. >Alicorns are tall enough to look at your chest, and only Celestia is as tall as you if you count her horn.
  3239. >Little colts and fillies don't even hit knee height.
  3240. >Foals are the size of kittens and can fit in your hand.
  3244. >Anon doesn't have any native magic in him
  3245. >Ponies sense each other by subconsciously/unconsciously picking up on their magical signature
  3246. >Anon is magicless, so they can't instinctively know that he's in the room with them
  3247. >He can sneak up on poners very easily
  3248. >Sometimes they panic when they think that he's gone, like how a baby has zero object permanence and thinks that a ball just stops existing when he can't see it
  3254. >the ambient magic in the air leaves him in a state of constant arousal akin to a mare's estrus cycle.
  3256. I have an idea
  3258. >Anon gets captured by ponies who want to turn him into an exotic sex slave and know about his condition 
  3259. >They attempt to overload him on magic and turn him into a cunt-hungry slut
  3260. >Anon blacks out and goes full RAPE MONKEY, turning it around on them in a mindless haze of lust
  3261. >They intended to be the rapists, now they are the ones getting raped
  3262. >Any attempts to stop him with magic just make him more aroused
  3263. >He breaks out and unleashes his lust on Ponyville
  3264. >By the time he finally comes down off the magic-induced lust craze, a significant amount of mares are pregnant with his spawn
  3269. >Day in Equestria.
  3270. >Be Pone Catherine.
  3271. >You are a pony who once saw a human.
  3272. >You were at the city reservoir and they rescued your ball from the pipes after it went over the fence.
  3273. >Ever since then you have known you have a special purpose in the world.
  3274. >To blow shit up.
  3275. >Mom was so proud when you came home with your cutiemark that day.
  3276. >"You're gonna make those deer feel the wrath of Celestia one day."
  3277. >You don't specialize in deer exploding, but you've helped the royal guard out when they needed an extra hoof assembling their bombs.
  3278. >Most of your work ends up being fireworks of all shapes and sizes.
  3279. >Dad comes to all the shows you get hired to run.
  3284. >It's Hearth's Warming Eve
  3285. >Anon and waifu are pretty good friends
  3286. >Anon has waifu and a few of their mare friends (colts too prissy, yo) over at his house for horse-Christmas celebrations
  3287. >waifu has a bit too much to drink and attaches a sprig of mistletoe to her dock
  3288. >This gets a bunch of laughs out of their friends and is probably considered the equivalent of wearing a "kiss the cock" apron
  3289. >Anon is just tipsy enough to take her up on her "offer"
  3290. >Bends over darling, grabs waifu by the flanks, and gives her candyvag (or ponut, depending on what you're into) a big, sloppy kiss
  3296. > Sirens are the Irish of Equestria
  3297. >Whenever they aren't singing they have thick Irish accents
  3298. >They get into fights and drink a lot
  3299. >Adagio's real name is Adagi O'Dazzle
  3301. >Beautiful, smooth singing voice with just a hint of an Irish lilt in their voice by the way they trill their R's
  3302. >Once they're off-stage, they're Guinness-loving Sirish dogs who can't keep their hands off of Anon's ass
  3303. >Aria and Adagio have pleasant-sounding accents, but Sonata's is so thick it's like visiting Newfoundland on drinking night
  3305. >After they lost their powers, they generally spend their time drinking, fighting, and being miserable
  3306. >They meet Anon because he's the guy who buys their alcohol for them now
  3307. >Originally they used to just using their singing to hypnotize people into giving them free booze but that's no longer an option now that they're normal teenage girls
  3308. >Anon decides to actually help them make something of themselves
  3314. >Chryssi in RGRE
  3315. >to find the best, purest form of love she and her perfectly normal not rainbow drones must feed on stallions
  3316. >the mares are just polluting the thing with their lust too much
  3317. >that kind of dirty love is like drugs for the cheesebugs - gives them a hell of a kick, but not healthy in the long run
  3318. >the Hive Queen learns about a large biped in Ponyville
  3319. >turns out it's a stallion
  3320. >excited about getting a large batch of love, she personally goes for him
  3321. >turns out Anon is not as pure as she would've hoped
  3322. >turns out humans are for sexual
  3323. >and so are changelings as far as Anon is concerned
  3324. >she wakes up two days later with the biggest hungover she ever had
  3329. >A unicorn mare pregnant with a reincarnated Anon.
  3330. >She finds that she can keep doing cavalier mare things while pregnant because "mysterious" things keep happening that pull her out of trouble.
  3331. >Meanwhile, the halfgrown foal that is Anon just wishes his mom would stop being a jackass that needs saved by him every week.
  3332. >Because god damn doing magic while unborn is exhausting.
  3338. >Mmm. Fresh cookies.
  3339. >Bet the kids would want some.
  3340. >Grab a plateful.
  3341. >Head on the down to the basement.
  3342. >Down the dank stone stairs lit my torches of unnatural color.
  3343. >Hear a roar and pause. 
  3344. >Oh wait, that was just the Scorpio Demon chained down somewhere.
  3345. >Little... Big? Big bastard knows not to mess with you after you put the fear of the spraybottle in him.
  3346. >Pass the army of skellies doing skelly things 
  3347. >At the bottom after 500 steps in the main magi workshop. 
  3348. >Interrupt your kids in the middle of a satanic summoning complete with mind melting chanting hymns.
  3349. >And like magic they drop what they're doing, gladly leaving the confused unknowable horror in the pentagram half-summoned for some hot cookies. 
  3350. >Dad ALWAYS knows whats up.
  3355. >RGREqG
  3356. >Twilight sent Anon to the wrong human dimension by mistake and landed him a sweet job to say "I'm sorry"
  3357. >As a high school teacher
  3358. >It's cool, though. He had a sack of bits on him at the time and those things are solid gold.
  3359. >Enter: Dazzlings
  3360. >Not only are they hundreds of years old and otherworldly sea-monsters, they're also a group of trouble-makers who do things like bully other girls and and skip classes
  3361. >Anon decides to be a positive influence on somebody's life for once
  3362. >something something the gender ratio is still A Thing in EqGland
  3363. >something something female teachers won't leave him alone
  3364. >something something RGRE
  3366. >rape as disciplinary action.
  3367. >Dazzlings brag about it afterward
  3368. >"Guess who just got laid!"
  3371. >A couple of female teachers (and a few of the more attentive female students) are worried for Anon's safety
  3372. >It wouldn't be the first time a male teacher (at some other school, mind you) was confronted by a group of horny teenaged girls and raped
  3373. >"He doesn't even carry around a rape whistle."
  3376. >RGREqG
  3377. >The girls in school play a variation of chicken in which they use more and more lewd innuendos on Anon
  3379. >"Mr.Mous?"
  3380. >Derpy places her well-endowed bottom on the desk
  3381. >"Can you teach me about human anatomy?"
  3382. >You cover your eyes as you rub the bridge of your nose
  3383. "I teach marine biology, Miss Hooves."
  3386. >Implying Derpy wouldn't fuck it up somehow
  3388. >She places her amazingly round posterior on the desk
  3389. >"C-can you teach me about birds?"
  3390. >You raise your eyebrow at the gray girl.
  3391. "You meant bird and bees, didn't you?"
  3392. >Poor Derpy becomes confused for a good while, not understanding what went wrong
  3396. > Female students attracted to hot older male teacher, but too chickenshit to do anything about it but gawk
  3397. > Male teacher optionally notices, corners one or more of them ("miss X, you'll see me after school.. in my office"), makes their fantasies come true. He's in control the entire time though. 
  3398. > Male students get together and giggle embarrassed at how cute female teacher is. Sluttier ones dress provocatively to tempt her, make lewd innuendos, maybe try to trade dick for grades.
  3402. >Anon realizes he is basically some sort of sexual totem for the girls
  3403. >Uses it to make them improve their grades
  3404. >Highest scoring students sit with him at lunch and get to spend time with him outside of school
  3405. >Its the girls that try really hard but still fail that get the most attention from him
  3406. >Private lessons at his house
  3407. >Hands on Tutoring
  3414. >Anon in RGREquestria.
  3415. >Can't get a decent job, keeps getting pushed to settle down with a mare.
  3416. >Not particularly happy with the situation.
  3417. >Gets courted by a mare who happens to be a changeling.
  3418. >Changeling just adapted to whatever got him to like her, so she was happy to go along with his "backwards" ways.
  3419. >Anon happy to have a mare that finally doesn't see him as second-class.
  3420. >Gets drunk on love.
  3421. >Reverts during sex.
  3422. >Freaks out, tries to explain.
  3423. "Eh, I'll still hit that."
  3424. >Anon likes changelings for treating him decently.
  3425. >No reason to hate them.
  3426. >Changeling realizes that Anon still loves her despite the change.
  3427. >Which never happens.
  3428. >She has so much spare love that she has to share some before bringing any back to the hive.
  3429. >Other changelings in Ponyville can't believe she has this much to spare.
  3430. >"How long have you been gathering this? A year?"
  3431. >"A day. Well, less, really; he's been asleep for a while, after we wore each other out."
  3433. >First changeling starts bringing others in.
  3434. >Makes it look like a herd from the outside.
  3435. >Changelings start abandoning other covers and deceptions they have going.
  3436. >Anon is fine with this.
  3437. "Ponies think that's all I'm good for and look down on me for it. Changelings think it makes me walk on water and look at me like I'm the best thing to ever happen to them."
  3439. >First changeling, full to bursting with love, develops into a queen.
  3440. >Anon starts his own hive.
  3443. >>inter-hive tunnel warfare when Chrysalis comes looking for her missing changelings and finds they defected
  3444. >>a war raging right beneath Ponyville with the ponies none the wiser
  3446. It'd be a very short "war".
  3448. >Changelings give one look at Chrysalis
  3449. >Chrysalis, who staged the whole invasion of Canterlot.
  3450. >And got them thrown out with a net loss of love.
  3451. >They start radiating blinding amounts of love
  3452. >Powered by the endless fount of it they receive from Anon
  3453. >Chrysalis imitates Team Rocket again
  3454. >Can't even bring herself to blame them.
  3455. >They've got a good thing going.
  3456. >Comes crawling back.
  3457. >Begging to share.
  3459. >Anon leaves the decision up to his Queen.
  3460. >The original changeling who brought so much love into his life.
  3461. >And received so much in return
  3463. All of my changeling guards would be cute as fuck so the hive's enemies wouldn't want to hurt them.
  3465. >Big, bright eyes
  3466. >Soft fur, plump bodies
  3467. >Slightly smaller than the average pony to make them look cuter
  3468. >Smaller fangs
  3469. >Constant mild feelings of elation due to all the extra love, making them cheerful, agreeable, and excitable
  3470. >Adorable uniform where the helmet is purposefully a size too big so that it can slip down her face a little bit and she has to stop whatever conversation she's having and push it back up onto her head
  3471. >Make the horseshoe things hollow in the middle so that they clip-clop extra loud on the hard floors
  3473. >Most of the changelings migrating to Anon's hive/herd still have the intimidating warrior bugpone look when they drop their disguises.
  3474. >Anon still loves them.
  3475. >One smaller changeling, previously imitating a young colt and getting some familial love, gets a chance to see Anon's queen first, before dropping their disguise.
  3476. >She looks so much less warlike. Softer.
  3477. >Takes a gamble.
  3478. >Tweaks appearance a bit, turns into a small changeling with big eyes, soft edges, cute little wings, boopable nose.
  3479. >Anon can't help but d'awww aloud.
  3480. >Sound does not go unnoticed.
  3481. >Changeling gets full to bursting just from a few seconds of Anon-hugging.
  3482. >Anon loves all his changelings, but can't help but be a sucker for such cuteness.
  3483. >Many more changelings follow this lead.
  3485. >Some changelings imitate Anon's children, and get cuddles.
  3486. >Others imitate herd-members, and get sexy times.
  3487. >None of them ever go hungry.
  3488. >Ponies can't believe how caring Anon is to his (very) extended family
  3491. >The Ponyville hive is so well-fed that the changelings can't contain it all. 
  3492. >More than once a few have almost blown their cover by accidentally drooling love.
  3493. >It's a thick, glowing pink liquid that tastes like ambrosia and has countless curative properties. 
  3494. >They have to store the excess. 
  3495. >And there is a LOT of it.
  3496. >When Chrysalis and what's left of her hive bust in and find a WATERFALL of liquid love in the throne-room just for decoration, it hits them how hilariously outgunned they are
  3499. >Deep in the hive, however, lies a nasty surprise.
  3500. >The real guards.
  3501. >Changelings who transformed themselves into spikey, foot-long-stinger laden, Cazador-like monsters for the purpose of keeping the new king safe. 
  3502. >Without all the love to fuel their new and lethal forms, it would not have been possible.
  3503. >Even the most marely of mares turns white as a sheet when they see one
  3509. >nu-changelings convinced old changelings are still a threat
  3510. >they pose too great an obstacle to their new purpose
  3511. >a couple of them show up in ponyville to expose the single changeling they think is hiding out in this town
  3512. >confront the disguised pony walking with anon
  3513. >everypony on the street, behind every market stand, and looking out every window stop what they're doing
  3514. >waiting for a signal
  3515. >Anon tries to reason with them, hoping that he can convince them that she's the only one here
  3516. >the guard at the local dungeon is also a changeling, so they'll just make an entrance to the massive underground hive there
  3517. >they try to arrest anon as well for aiding and abetting
  3518. >He backhands the closest one and shouts RACE WAR
  3519. >the rest of the town drops their disguises and pounce
  3520. >pull them underground to pump them for intel
  3521. >none of the regular mares intervene, since none of them wants to fight a stallion or his...rather large herd
  3524. >Changelings can normally only transform while keeping about the same size.
  3525. >Shrinking is doable, just have to remember to hold the excess love in reserve or they can't grow back to their normal size.
  3526. >Changing size a little is possible with enough love.
  3527. >Even becoming Big-Macintosh-sized or Snowflake-sized takes a luxurious amount of excess love.
  3528. >Anon freely offers them all the love they could ever want.
  3529. >Hardly have to burn any on transformation or magic, except for fun or going about town.
  3531. >Changelings start experimenting with size.
  3532. >Turn into huge ponies.
  3533. >One changeling gets creative, and tries to turn into a dragon.
  3534. >Something most changelings try at least once when they learn about dragons.
  3535. >Usually ends in a failed transformation and a massive headache.
  3536. >Suddenly takes up half the cave.
  3537. >Anon is impressed by the warm comfy dragon.
  3538. >Knows exactly what they transformed from.
  3539. >Not intimidating.
  3540. >Changelings are deeply impressed with Anon going up and hugging a dragon's head and neck.
  3542. >Anon starts giving Changelings ideas based on monsters from his world.
  3543. >Changelings are eager to please.
  3544. >Never had such a willing audience.
  3545. >Never had so much love to burn, all for the sake of sheer fun.
  3546. >Changeling turns into Godzilla
  3547. >Mothra
  3548. >Stage mock battles that turn into cuddle-sessions.
  3550. >Changeling turns into a T-Rex.
  3551. >Another group becomes a pack of velociraptors.
  3552. >They start following Anon around.
  3553. >Fluttershy is deeply impressed with Anon's ability to "tame" such incredible creatures.
  3555. >Two changelings try transforming together
  3556. >Changeling equivalent of two fillies and a trenchcoat, pretending to be a full-grown mare.
  3557. >Anon thinks it's precious
  3562. >Months after starting his hive, Anon notices changes to his body
  3563. >His skin feels harder
  3564. >There's black scales growing on his arms
  3565. >His beard starts to feel more like...cartilage? 
  3566. >Freaks out and asks bugwife
  3567. >She just smiles like this whole thing is normal
  3568. >"Oh, Anon. You should be happy that you're morphing into a proper overmind!"
  3569. >Anon becomes a zerg
  3571. >Changelings normally don't pursue each other much
  3572. >Doesn't bring in any new love
  3573. >Just spreads it around
  3574. >Not good for the hive
  3575. >But Anon loves seeing his changelings with each other
  3576. >And loves the shows some of them like to put on for him
  3577. >Gives them more love than they burn
  3578. >Changelings finally free to enjoy relationships with other changelings
  3579. >Society that shares love freely isn't inclined to hide it from each other
  3580. >Anon invents live-action changeling romances
  3581. >Dates with an audience
  3582. >Love scenes with an audience
  3583. >Changelings can feel exactly how much love Anon is putting out
  3584. >(when he doesn't saturate the scale and fling the bell off into the sky)
  3585. >They know exactly what he enjoys
  3586. >Neilsen's ain't got nothin' on a changeling love-o-meter
  3587. >And the massive love feedback means that what he enjoys is what they enjoy
  3588. >tfw establishing a new age of cultural works in changeling society
  3594. >Anon becomes king of the changelings
  3595. >Has no one specific waifu, the entire hive is loved by him
  3596. >Celestia finally has another immortal in the world that she can court
  3597. >But she hasn't pursued a stallion that didn't immediately fall head over hooves for her the instant she asked
  3600. >Celestia gets an idea.
  3601. >Uses magic to transform into a changeling.
  3602. >Courts Anon, who loves all his changelings.
  3603. >Celestia seeks a closer relationship.
  3604. >Has to avoid getting found out.
  3605. >Oh, how the tables have turned
  3608. > Changeling drones can be male or female as they choose
  3609. > As the Anonling hive grows, the gender ratio in Ponyville begins to even out
  3610. > A lot of mares are glad enough for more prospects that they overlook the interspecies nature of the proposition
  3611. > Having a customizable mate certainly helps
  3612. > Some mares and a decent amount of stallions are uneasy about the new situation
  3613. > Ponies expect the Apple family to be staunchly on the side of pure pony relationships
  3614. > But no, the Apples have lived close to the Everfree long enough to be adaptive in the face of weird creatures
  3615. > Applejack can't believe she has two drones all to herself
  3616. > Big Mac's drone is looking to molt into a queen fairly soon
  3617. > Applebloom is friends with the younger changelings
  3618. > Granny Smith has a changeling attendant to help her around and smack the kids when they need it
  3619. > And for furtive hoof holding
  3622. >Anon's strategy for integration is way more successful than he thought it would be
  3623. >Ponyville's population explodes
  3624. >Male Changeling + Mare still equals a pony foal
  3625. >Big Mac's changeling waifu (monogamous, so she gets all of it) morphs into a queen from all the love
  3626. >The Apple Family Hive is born
  3627. >Bookhoers assembles a team of nerds
  3628. >Has a ton of foals with them since it's easy to stay inside while preggers and still work
  3629. >Alicorn love is powerful
  3630. >The Sparkle Hive is born
  3631. >Pinkie gets herself only the best male changeling, since it's hard to keep up with her
  3632. >She had enough love to care for everypony in town, and now they bear the brunt of it
  3633. >Her sisters move into town to share him, as is family tradition
  3634. >The Pie Hive is born
  3635. >Anon's own hive is enormous from the early start he got
  3636. >He's still friends with the mane six
  3637. >Flutters, Rarity, and RD are warming up to changeling stallions
  3638. >Soon there will be even more hives
  3639. >Anon forms the Changeling Confederacy behind closed doors
  3640. >Celestia may rule on paper, but Ponyville is now firmly changeling territory.
  3644. >Although any changeling can get a pick-me-up from the liquid love founts around the hive, it's always infinitely more pleasurable getting love from the source. 
  3645. >That means a direct lip-to-lip transfusion from the king himself. 
  3646. >As Ponyville slowly comes to terms with living on top of a peaceful changeling hive, a few of the more chivalrous mares and the rare concerned stallion get their nerve back when they see changelings always trying to beg kisses out of the local human. 
  3647. >It's not right, not proper, they think. 
  3648. >What stallion would be okay with being used with no reward like that?
  3649. >The bugs have to be controlling him somehow, and it must be strong with how convincing it is. 
  3650. >The same ponies completely miss him scoop up a 'Ling who hasn't even asked yet and happily liplock her until she's glowing pink with energy.
  3654. >Anon, through the magic of Love, ascends and becomes the human equivalent of an alicorn.
  3655. >Turns into immortal Elf
  3656. >Has trouble deciding if this is awesome or horrible.
  3657. >On the one hand, he's immortal and can do magic (and maybe even fly somehow if his suspicions are right)
  3658. >On the other, he's now a knife eared pretty boy.
  3659. >All his hair that wasn't on the top of his head is just gone and doesn't seem to be coming back.
  3660. >It would probably take a few decades to grow a decent beard now.
  3661. >He feels the need to start lifting because now he has skinny noodle arms (that are somehow just as strong as his old ones).
  3665. >Be defence cute. 
  3666. >What?
  3667. >The king gave you that name and you're dam proud of it! 
  3668. >Anyway, your ex queen just trotted in starring your king down. 
  3669. >You are about to go full defence but Anon placed a hand on your back and gave you a calming look. 
  3670. >"Well, well, well, I was wondering were all my changlings went." She says in her normal mean condensing tone. 
  3671. >She looks over at the love fountain your king put up. 
  3672. >She blows air through her nose. 
  3673. >"Hm, quite a collection of love. Impressive." She says still looking at the love. 
  3674. >You king smiles his sweet smile emitting his love. 
  3675. >"Yes, my children and herd work really hard for it. You can take some if you want."
  3676. >The bitch glares over at him. 
  3677. >"I will take it, all of it." She says doing >>29579620 # pic. (body horror mouth)
  3678. >The entire room is flooded in something. 
  3679. >Something you and your brothers and sisters pic up on instantly. 
  3680. >Something YOUR king should never have to emit. 
  3681. >Fear. 
  3682. >Instantly you and the other guards are on her as per code PTS *Protect The Smile* states you should. 
  3683. >She puts up barley any fight seeing as she doesn't run on NEARLY as much love as you and the other guards. 
  3684. >While you and the others drag the false queen away, the real queen and five 'Snugglebugs' surround the king and run their area of code PTS and snuggle the king in safety until he falls asleep.
  3691. >Equestrian Knights
  3693. >Princesses are supposed to rescue Colts in Distress, that's just how things are done.
  3695. >Not so for the brave squire Shining Armor, who ends up rescuing Princess Cadence.
  3696. >After another knight had failed, Celestia herself was preparing to go fetch her Niece personally.
  3697. >Yet when the Sovereign of the Sun arrived, she found that the situation had already been resolved by her strangest knight, and his squire.
  3699. >Shiny and Cadence already knew each other, hard not to when they are both aristocrats living in Canterlot, but it was this incident which sparked off their relationship.
  3704. >Anon and his enormous changeling hive
  3705. >Gender ratio is still there, and it's mostly female
  3706. >This is seen to other ponies (once he's discovered) as being a beautiful princess surrounded by burly guards to protect her
  3707. >Changelings are, of course, protective of Anon
  3708. >Move into Ponyville as regular mares to keep an eye on him - their infiltration is slow enough that nopony really notices the slow rise of immigration rates
  3709. >Ponies with seemingly no connection to Anon rise up and help him when he's in danger
  3710. >Lyra is shocked when Bon Bon - who normally hates Anon - rushes over to his aid
  3711. >Lyra then sheepishly joins her to protect the King
  3712. >Sometimes inter-changeling communication isn't perfect, and changelings don't always know that a pony they're friends with is also a changeling
  3717. >"Holy shit girls, you're not gonna believe this." 
  3718. "Fuck you on about, Dyke?" 
  3719. >"Holy fucking shit. So Mr. Anon right?" 
  3720. "I swear to god if you're about to tell us another scheme for 'Private Tutoring' again I'm gonna shit in your mouth."
  3721. >"No listen, Mr. Anon's in a band."
  3722. "What like, a backup dancer?" 
  3723. >"No, no, listen, my older sister right? She's got a car and a later curfew and shit, and she says Mr. Anon is the lead singer in the band that plays at that bar near the mall." 
  3724. "No way are they any good tho, right?"
  3725. >"Fuck does it matter? This is our in girls. We just go there, say we're there to help the band with their equipment, and bam, we fuck Mr. Anon." 
  3726. "I'm not seeing your logic." 
  3727. >"Just trust me, this is gonna work."
  3732. >RGRE Bug
  3733. >Queen is seen as the tough warrior and strongest magic-user in the entire hive
  3734. >A master of tactical decisions and strategy
  3735. >The King is to be protected because he represents the Queen's ability to find a willing (and loving) mate
  3736. >Also because he's the one who reads to them before bedtime while the Queen is busy doing bug things
  3737. The king and queen kinda function and have the same value as their counterparts in chess. Queen is the badass who can move in any direction and fuck up your day, and the king is the one who hides and must be protected.
  3741. >Anon and his mares are going for a walk near the woods with ~a dozen of their children
  3742. >Suddenly: timberwolves
  3743. >They all run
  3744. >When they're safe, Anon does a head-count
  3745. >All the mares are there, but two of the foals are gone
  3746. >Such is the price they pay for survival
  3747. >The mares are sad and comfort each other, but do their best to accept it
  3748. >Anon runs back into the woods and fucks up timberwolves until he finds his kids
  3752. >Anon loses one of his foals to the timberwolves
  3753. >Goes mad with grief
  3754. >Stone-faced but pouring tears at the funeral
  3755. >Buys a bunch of hairspray cans
  3756. >And several gallons of lamp oil
  3757. >Spends too much time in the basement now
  3758. >One night sneaks out into the Everfree
  3759. >Ponyville wakes up way too early one morning to see the Everfree in flames
  3760. >Smoke chokes half the town
  3761. >Light can be seen from canterlot
  3762. >None of the pegasi can control weather over the forest well enough to put it out
  3763. >They find Anon sitting in a river the next morning
  3764. >The first seven miles of the Everfree are now nothing but a charred wasteland
  3765. >No charges of arson brought against Anon, mares explain it away as temporary insanity of a grieving stallion
  3771. >bug waifu falls down and scrapes her knee
  3772. >Tries to be strong for Anon but tears keep leaking out
  3773. >Doesn't put up a fight when Anon picks her up and carries her home
  3774. >Will later deny any accusations that she cried when he applied disinfectant to the wound
  3780. >Anon works a basic office job to lay low
  3781. >has multiple picture frames of his bug wife and bug children
  3782. >slams them face down whenever a pony comes in his office
  3783. >it's the equivalent of shutting your laptop lid when someone comes in
  3784. >Anon's co-workers tease him about it
  3785. >Anon has to laugh it off and go along with their implications because the reality could mean bad times for the hive
  3787. >"Anon, you really should reconsider keeping those naughty pictures on your desk. It must be just terrible to have a boner all day at work."
  3788. "...the boner in my heart..."
  3789. >"What?"
  3790. "Yeah, it's pretty hard."
  3791. >"Well you know any mare in this office would be happy to take care of that any time, just ask~"
  3792. "I think I can handle this."
  3793. >She leaves with a swish of her tail and a wink, but not with her eye
  3794. >Anon picks up the picture and stares at it
  3795. "I already have someone to take care of it."
  3798. >Mares are generally clueless on how a stalion's cock and balls work, like some young men are IRL
  3799. >Some mares think that "testicles" refers to the scrotum
  3800. >Some mares think that stallions pee out of their butts
  3801. >Anon's boss is genuinely concerned for him because she thinks that an erection is painful for a stallion
  3802. >Calls it a "boner" and isn't quite sure if that means that there's an actual bone in there somewhere
  3809. >Anon is separated from his children via timberwolf attack
  3810. >Is panicking and has no honest idea of how to react to this or how to find them
  3811. >Cue his herd working together to find the foals
  3812. >Pegasi take to the air and act as recon
  3813. >Earth ponies clear a path through the woods once the pegasi spot their foals, knocking down trees with their superior strength
  3814. >Unicorns roast those timberwolf fuckers alive before they can hurt their children
  3815. >Anon just stands there, stunned
  3816. >His mares return with the foals and move in to comfort their poor, scared stallion
  3822. >Your tiny wives feel emaresculated that they can't show off how tight their pussies are because their entire body is the size of your penis
  3823. >Some of your tiny wives don't like going down on colts and try to get you to lick them off instead
  3829. >Predators sometimes eat their own young, and ponies know this
  3830. >Anon's waifu is nervous and never lets Anon be alone with the foal
  3831. >She knows he would never hurt it intentionally, but he's just a stallion. How well can he resist his predator instincts?
  3832. >Anon notices this and ascribes it to her being clingy, with maybe a hint of postpartum depression
  3834. >Waifu accidentally leaves Anon alone with the foal
  3835. >Catches Anon blowing raspberries into the foal's belly
  3836. >Thinks that he's trying to eat it
  3841. > Medium (wagon-sized torso) dragon moves into the Ponyville area
  3842. > He brings his hoard with him, has to subjugate the diamond dogs to keep it from their greedy paws
  3843. > Mares interested in a powerful male start visiting his cave
  3844. > Spike is worried that Rarity will be attracted too
  3845. > It turns out the dragon is a retired secretary, and thus of no interest to Ms. Social Mobility
  3846. > Tipped Scales is getting frustrated
  3847. > He moved to Ponyville because it was supposed to be a quiet little town
  3848. > That's what he gets for taking the advice of a friend who had recently woken up from a decade long nap
  3849. > He's starting to consider dating a mare just to keep the other ones away
  3850. > She better be quiet, though
  3851. > Enter Fluttershy, the dracopedophile
  3856. >Artist Anon
  3857. >Also a bit of a pyromaniac
  3858. >Discovered back on Erf that he can indulge his love of FIRE FIRE FIRE by using clay as his medium
  3859. >Needs to source some good materials for his work
  3860. >And to make a bitchin' new kiln of burningness.
  3861. >Recruits the Pie sisters to help him out.
  3863. >The Colt likes rocks?!
  3864. >Powdered rocks, but still, rocks. All kinds of wierd rocks.
  3865. >Wait why does he need so much salt?
  3866. >The buck is a salt glaze?
  3867. >And can we lick it?
  3873. Just imagine, Anon, Celestia and Luna are both already knocked up and it's Twilight's turn. Celestia would be coaching Twilight while you go at it, whispering words of encouragement to her while Luna is telling you to really pound the hell out her so she's too sore to walk in the morning
  3878. >Be Anon in Emerald City
  3879. >Or at least that's what you're calling this place for now.
  3880. >It's a city and it's made of crystal.
  3881. >You don't know how you got here.
  3882. >One night you were at a party trying out the new 'bleachtinis', the next morning you were here.
  3883. >Just you and these pony things.
  3884. >Which are also made of crystal.
  3885. >You're pretty sure they're some sort of wizard servant golem thing like in your American roleplaying games.
  3886. >So far you have not found the wizard.
  3887. >You checked the obvious tower in the middle of the city, but there were just more ponies.
  3888. >A few of them were just brightly coloured instead of see-through.
  3889. >They just neighed at you like the rest though.
  3890. >So for the last week you have been searching the rest of Emerald City.
  3891. >Still no success.
  3892. >You did find a train station, so that's the next thing to try.
  3893. >Maybe the wizard just uses this place as a holiday home?
  3894. >Fucken wizards, always being unpredictable bastards.
  3895. >At least his little freaky horse dudes know how to make some bomb-ass tea.
  3896. >If you were able to speak horse, you'd know that the gender roles are backwards here.
  3897. >But you don't so you have no idea about that or any other horse sociology.
  3899. >A day later and you are on the train to elseparts unknown.
  3900. >You saw more not-seethrough ponies as you got on.
  3901. >They were getting off down the other end of the platform but were definitely not wizards so you ignored them.
  3902. >Not one of them even had a hat, let alone a wizard hat.
  3903. >The train leaves the station and you watch the landscape go by.
  3904. >There is a lot of snow.
  3905. >No, seriously, A LOT of snow.
  3906. >It goes as far as you can see.
  3907. >Well that makes looking out the window a bit dull, doesn't it?
  3908. >Yes it does.
  3909. >You're getting bored.
  3910. >So you go look around the train for a bit.
  3911. >It's pretty oldey-timey looking.
  3912. >Like that one in that harry potter film you saw.
  3913. >Except there are a mix of the see through and just brightly furred ponies in the compartments.
  3914. >Some of them neigh at you as you pass them.
  3915. >After a little while you've explored the train and found the snack trolley.
  3916. >You grab some snacks and then return to your compartment for a nap.
  3917. >When you wake up the view outside is much less snowy.
  3918. >There are actual landmarks scattered around.
  3919. >There's a road over there.
  3920. >And that's a village on a hill.
  3921. >There's a farm.
  3922. >And over there is a mountain with a castle on the top.
  3923. >That looks like the sort of place a wizard might be.
  3924. >Conveniently, it looks like the train is headed that way.
  3925. >After a bit longer the train gets there.
  3926. >You leave the train and go look around.
  3927. >Just more ponies, mainly of the pointy kind.
  3928. >Well, you'd better get searching.
  3929. >If for nothing else, you need to find somewhere to crash for the night.
  3930. >That place with all the towers looks like a good spot to start.
  3935. >Anon is a charming hedonist who tempts Shining Armor's wife into the sheets with him
  3936. >... and simultaneously wins Shining Armor's attention, doing the very same with the husband
  3937. >Both feel guilty until the truth comes out
  3938. >Anon brings a new wave of glorious sexual deviancy into the royal houses
  3939. >Everybody's fucking EVERYBODY, and everybody KNOWS that everybody's fucking everybody
  3940. >Yet again the truth comes out
  3941. >Equestria learns the hard way that humans ARE for sexual, and that they'll make YOU for sexual too if you let them have their way, no matter what you used to think about your sexual preferences
  3942. >Mares and stallions everywhere feel a strange mix of discomfort and dangerous curiosity whenever in Anon's presence
  3948. >Be Anon
  3949. >You were lucky enough to bring your computer with you to Equestria
  3950. >Only one problem: There's no electricity
  3951. >You give Twilight plans to build a small steam-powered generator, but she's so excited that she constructs a whole power plant
  3952. >She says something about 'revolutionizing life in Equestria', but you really don't care, as long as your computer can boot up
  3953. >But as you glance down in the corner, and see the little red x over the network icon, you realize you have another problem
  3954. >Equestria has no internet
  3955. >That's no problem. Momma Ymous didn't raise no quitter.
  3956. >You hand Twilight an old modem and a few spare cables, and within hours, you're able to connect to 4pone
  3957. >It's beautiful
  3958. >/k/ is arguing over crossbow stopping power
  3959. >/d/ is arguing over whether liking cuntcolts makes you a lesbian
  3960. >and /mlh/...
  3961. >a single tear slides down your cheek
  3962. >You're home
  3967. >the boards were mostly as you remembered, but shifted to fit this weird magical horse land
  3968. >/pone/ was arguing if earth ponies are even equine
  3969. >/fit/ was talking about gains and almost homo levels of interest in fit clothed mares
  3970. >/r9k/ was posting ">tfw when no bf" over and over in subtly different ways
  3971. >/b/ was exactly the same
  3972. >/o/ was discussing best chariot models for cheap
  3973. >and /sci/ was gone, having been replaced with /mag/, was full of pricks pretending they knew shit about magic
  3974. >it truly was home
  3977. >/his/ is discussing whether another crusade against the camels is a good idea
  3978. >/tg/ share stories about how they totally rolled 6 20's in a row for their character sheet
  3979. >/ck/ are a bunch of fat tuftbeards who won't stop shilling 5 Girls Burgers
  3980. >/x/ is half bullshit, half actual black magic that will damn you to sucking Lady Tirek's clit for eternity
  3981. >/lgbt/ is locked in a constant battle between marely dykes and colty dykes
  3982. >/out/ is discussing the latest cryptid spotted in the Everfree, something called a hue-mann
  3985. >The Nightmare possessing Luna didn't get PURGED like everyone thought
  3986. >It was still around, alone, severely weakened, unable to find another host to corrupt
  3987. >A chance encounter with a creature from another world changes that.
  3989. >It is Nightmare Night
  3990. >The stage is set for the newest threat to Equestria to make his appearance
  3997. >Nightmare Moon posts ancient forbidden magick on /x/ for anypony stupid enough to try
  3998. >Starlight 'REEEE's all over /pol/ when ponies call her a marxist shill
  3999. >Chrysalis camwhores as various stallions on /hm/ and gorges on the >tfw no bf posts that follow
  4001. >Which stallions?
  4002. >All of them.
  4003. >The board is literally her, and people drooling over her.
  4005. >Somepony shitposts something like that on the board and Chrysalis panics
  4007. >"Yeah you're really all those 'other ponies', OP."
  4008. >"Griffonshit, bitch, I want a picture of all of you, time stamped."
  4011. >/mlh/ has its own RGRE thread (Reversed Gender Roles Earth)
  4012. >They even have their own cute little pony oc
  4016. >You are Anonna
  4017. >You're just an average mare from an average city in Equestria
  4018. >You have no friends or family, a job you hate and an apartment you can't stand
  4019. >Had, rather, as you drank a magic potion and were transported to Earth
  4022. >It sure is strange, being the only pony in a world of apes, but you got used to it
  4023. >After all the 'aliens are real' hubub died down, you were given citizenship and a government stipend
  4024. >You and your husband, the human who first found you, are now living an average life as an average couple
  4026. >Fluttershy hits "post" on the last section of her multi-post greentext, sitting back and waiting for sweet, self-esteem-maintaining (you)s
  4027. >Can't help but feel a pang of longing as she lives vicariously through "Anonna"
  4028. >Makes her stories as sweet and comfy as possible and tries not to cry when she writes romantic kissing scenes between Anonna and her husbando
  4035. >Pone mare constantly fusses about stuff like how he need to eat more and worries that he might not be getting enough satisfaction in bed.
  4036. >She finally gets fed up and tells her husband he needs to start a herd.
  4037. >His face when
  4039. >Pone brings up herding early on, before she figured out just how ingrained monogamy was in human culture
  4040. >Anon is all for it for obvious reasons
  4041. >hfw she figures out she could have had him all to herself
  4048. >Anon IS a character from Fluttershy's story
  4049. >Though aspects of his life - like his childhood - are only briefly touched in her greentext, magic makes it so that Anon distinctly remembers experiencing them in real time
  4050. >Fluttershy made him an anime-esque irresistible human, and so ponies can't help but be attracted to him
  4051. >She thanks her lucky stars that, just before Anon appeared, she was able to finish the chapter where he's desperately in love with her own stand-in character: Slutterfy.
  4052. >Cue happy ending
  4061. >Twilight-L starts rambling about how she couldn't believe she missed it, Lero doesn't have a functioning magic reservoir organ to absorb and dampen magical forces
  4062. >Anon, however, does, and Twilight-A confirms that she's observed it
  4063. >Anon declares that this is all bullshit, there's no such organ
  4064. >Twilight(s) pop up magic x-rays showing their insides as crudely-drawn glowing chalk figures on a screen
  4065. >Lero had his appendix removed back in the day
  4066. >Anon's looks like a uranium rod from the intro to The Simpsons
  4072. Lyra finally reaches Earth. On the Eastern Front, 1944.
  4073. She befriends a young German soldier, and completely misinterprets events to fit her marshmallow pony worldview
  4074. >Lyra and her husbando: Seven ways the world could change
  4075. >She doesn't understand why the Nazis hate Jews so much
  4076. >Who could hate a nice glass of juice?
  4077. >Convinces Himmler to send all interned Jews to Equestria
  4079. >She gets lost on the way to the bathroom and wanders behind Russian lines
  4080. >Finds a fortified bunker complex, slips past the guards
  4081. >Accidentally sets the whole place on fire while still looking for the bathroom, killing everybody including Stalin, who was meeting with his field commanders
  4082. >Turns out it was just a fart
  4087. >Pinkie takes Anon to the cloning pool
  4088. >Anon uses it a makes a clone
  4089. >Its defected in a subtle way
  4090. >Anon makes a few more clones
  4091. >They. Are. All. Retarded.
  4092. >Pinkie and Anon have to decide whether or not they need to put down the retard clones
  4093. >Or raise the manchildren on their own
  4098. >Looking at the still you haphazardly put together you couldn’t help but smile.
  4099. >All the pieces were now in place. Pieced together with sweat, blood, and duct-tape.
  4100. >Through the process of trial and error, a fire which burned down your shed, and a drunk bear that got into some of the mash, you finally were on your way to making some grade “A” alcohol.
  4101. >Now, no civic ordnance about how much alcohol by volume was permitted, was going to stand in your way to getting completely shit-faced.
  4102. >The drinks these pint-sized horses considered strong was a joke, they didn’t even give you a remote buzz.
  4103. >So the solution came to you one night, why not make your own?
  4104. >Flipping through the beat-up old notebook, you read over your notes. You were a drunk, but a smart drunk, one that did his research on the art of liver-killin’.
  4105. >Your grandpa, always made his own moonshine. An art which he passed down to you, and now you were going to do him proud.
  4106. >Time to get the batch of mash for your first crop of moonshine.
  4107. >Tucking the notebook in your back pocket you walked around the back of your cottage while whistling a tune from when you were young.
  4108. >Only to stop dead in your tracks.
  4109. >No
  4110. >Not again!
  4111. >The can of mash lay spilled out on the ground, a large grizzly bear, who had a big smile on his face lay right beside it.
  4112. >But that wasn’t the only uninvited guest.
  4113. >”What is this stuff?”
  4114. “Pinkie get away from that.”
  4115. >Ignoring your firm tone on the matter, she stuck out her tongue and lapped up some of the mix.
  4116. “Spit that out, you’re going to get sick.”
  4117. >The only response you received was a series of hiccups from the bright pink mare.
  4118. >This was going to be a bad day.
  4122. >(Pic of Sunset Shimmer with Pinkie Pie and Rainbow playing basketball in the background)
  4124. >”You lost or somethin’?”
  4125. “No- I uh… was just walking home.”
  4126. >”You’re on our turf, this court, this hood, all of it is ours.”
  4127. “Right. So I’ll just see myself out.”
  4128. >”Not happenin’, you gotta pay for coming here. Now drop them pants.”
  4134. Anon is a :"unicorn comfort specialist", as he calls it. Sometimes magic gets backed up when a unicorn is under stress and has to occasionally be "relieved" by sucking on it. Anon doesn't even do it for the money, he just enjoys being treated like the fairer sex and slutting it up during his time in equestria
  4138. Story idea
  4139. CEO anon
  4140. Was a old ass businessman, dies, now in horseland but misses his shekels
  4141. There's plenty of stories of anon being the secretary, but it'd be funny to see anon building a Google on steroids mega corporation to wreck shit after the population act like shits
  4142. Could be funny to see anon slapping Twiggy with a roll of 100s after she acts like a cunt
  4147. >It was you against the world.
  4148. >Sign in hand you marched in front of the crystal castle which housed the unicorn-turned-alicorn book-horse.
  4149. >You were the only one who gave a damn.
  4150. “Save the buns, save the flanks, you say small butts, I say no thanks!”
  4151. >Should probably work on that, but there was no time for that now.
  4152. >Ever since Twilight became a princess her magical powers increased ten-fold, but at a cost which she shouldn’t have had to pay.
  4153. >”Hiya nonny what’cha doin’?”
  4154. >Looking behind you, Pinkie was hopping right along keeping pace with your march.
  4155. “I’m fighting a grave injustice Ponk. A crime has been committed and no one so much made a peep.”
  4156. >”Huh?”
  4157. “Twilights butt Pinkie, before it was something special. Now it’s nothing more than a joke and I’m not laughing.”
  4158. >Her giggling coupled with a few snorts at the travesty made you stop dead in your tracks.
  4159. >Dropping the sign you pinched Pinkie’s cheeks[the ones on her face] and looked her in the eyes.
  4160. “Laugh all you want, but that’s how it starts. First they came for her butt, but for all we know they’ll come for yours next.”
  4161. >The color drained from her face as the realization hit her like a ton of bricks.
  4162. >Her forehooves reached back as if to shield her bouncy posterior.
  4163. “You know what has to be done.”
  4164. >Picking the sign back up you resumed the protest with Pinkie following suit, a sign which she pulled from god knows where raised high.
  4165. >The cause was growing.
  4168. >Anon isn't as subtle as he thinks he is
  4170. "Twilight, could you please pass the plump horse ass?"
  4171. >Twilight blinks in surprise at the non-sequitur.
  4172. >"I-I-I..." she stutters uncertainly, "Wh-what?"
  4173. >Twilight looks over her shoulders, trying to surreptitiously see if there's some kind of disembodied posterior behind her that she isn't aware of.
  4174. "Oh, silly me," you say with a laugh, "I meant, 'could you please pass the salt'?"
  4179. >Applejack is embarrassed by her large, stallionlike frame
  4180. >Mares make fun of her behind her back all the time
  4181. >She just wishes she could be smaller, so she could be the little spoon and protect her stallion for once
  4183. >Being the little spoon is seen as putting yourself between potential danger and your stallion's soft underbelly while he's asleep and vulnerable
  4188. >Anon releases all of Weird Al's material as his own comedy album
  4189. >Pinkie acts as his publicist, puts on a getup like Don King with a poofy beehive hairdo instead of looking like one of those troll toys
  4190. >the songs become wildly popular
  4191. >meanwhile, elsewhere in Equestria, Cheese Sandwich has been unable to stop scrunching all day long and he can't figure out why
  4196. Lyra laughed when Bon Bon said that she was going to give the human a plate of cookies and ask him to stay for a tall glass of milk. Said that he'd just think she was weird. And now? Now Anon has Bonnie's scent all over him. Who's laughing now?!
  4203. >Be Anon. 
  4204. >You're walking through ponyville heading to your job at Aloe and Lotus's massage therapy. 
  4205. >You like working there. 
  4206. >Pegusus wifu had her dislikes about it at first. 
  4207. >”I don’t like the fact you’ll be rubbing mares all day! It’s wrong for a stallion to do!”
  4208. >But after you showed her a few wing messages you learned she sang a different tune.
  4209. >”Owf, on the AAAHther hoof, mAAAYbe it won’t be sooooh~ bad for you to learn a FEW things.” She said while you dug into her wing joints. 
  4210. >Since that day you’ve been working there and as long as you give wifu a massage when she gets home she has no complaints. 
  4211. >Your only complaint is how far it is and the occasional mare who thinks you’re supposed to give a “Happy ending”.
  4212. >That and Caramel. 
  4213. >Every week he comes in and complains. 
  4214. >Now you used to listen to the guys back home complain about women occasionally and that’s fine. 
  4215. >But this being reverse gender roles, he complains about the stupidest things. 
  4216. >”She doesn’t listen to me.” Or “She forgot my hoof lotion! How dare she forget my hoof lotion!” blah blah blah. 
  4217. >If it weren’t for the ear plugs Aloe gave you after hearing him, you probably would have strangled him. 
  4218. >You begin to think of songs from earth that suit him. 
  4219. >After finding one you look around seeing if anyone is around. 
  4220. >Still being pretty early in the morning nobody’s there. 
  4221. >So you begin to sing to yourself. 
  4222. “He keeps Moët et Chandon in his pretty cabinet”
  4223. >Okay so the song doesn’t fit him too well but fuck you you’ll sing it anyway! 
  4224. “'Let them eat cake,' he says just like Marie Antoinette”
  4225. “A built-in remedy for Kruschev and Kennedy”
  4226. “At anytime an invitation you can't decline”
  4227. >You begin to have a bit of bounce in your step. 
  4228. “Caviar and cigarettes well versed in etiquette. “
  4229. “Extraordinarily mean!”
  4230. “He's a Killer King~”
  4231. “Gunpowder, gelatine. 
  4232. Dynamite with a laser beam! “
  4233. “Guaranteed to blow your mind-“
  4234. >”Anytime!”
  4235. >You jump hearing a voice behind you. 
  4236. >You turn around and met with Pinkie Pie. 
  4237. >”Hiya’ Nonny!” she greets waving a hoof. 
  4238. >Your eyes narrow. 
  4239. “How much did you hear…”
  4240. >She grins before putting a hoof to her muzzle seemingly thinking. 
  4241. >”Hmm, all of it~” she sing songs. 
  4242. “What do you want to stay quite.”
  4243. >Again thinking. 
  4244. >”Full body massage.”
  4245. >You narrow your eyes even more. 
  4246. “Back and hoof and I’ll go to one of your parties. “
  4247. >Her eyes narrow and a grin grows even more. 
  4248. >”Two parties.”
  4249. “Deal.”
  4255. >Anon and Bon Bon met via secret agent shenanigans
  4256. >She retired when they became a couple
  4257. >The inevitable happens, and the crown requires her services once more
  4258. >Bu there's a catch
  4259. >Anon made her promise him, that if it happened, she'd take him with her.
  4261. >She almost sneaks out in the morning, to find Anon waiting for her.
  4262. >He wasn't in the casual lounging around town clothes he usually wore
  4263. >He'd broken out the suit
  4264. >The one he was wearing when she first met him.
  4266. >He says he could pull the 'traditional colt thing' and just threaten that if she leaves without him, he won't be there when she gets back
  4267. >But he's a lot more stubborn than that.
  4268. >He's going with her, and that's all there is to it.
  4274. > It's Mother's Day
  4275. >Chrysalis finds undiluted chaos in the making in the Hive Kitchen
  4276. >Once she manages to re-establish order, it turns out her little drones were trying to bake mommy some cookies
  4277. >Because they'd heard from ponies that's what you were supposed to do on Mother's Day
  4281. > Be Anon in RGRE EQG
  4282. > The subway train car is packed with the morning rush
  4283. > Then you feel something warm and soft press against your back
  4284. > "Sorry, there just isn't any space to move."
  4285. > The voice is soft and feminine, and slightly husky
  4286. > Is she really apologizing for pressing her breasts against you?
  4287. "It's fine, I understand."
  4288. > The two of you stand like that for about five minutes, small movements changing how much her boobs squish against your back
  4289. > Your shirt is fairly thin, and you can feel two little nubs firming up against you
  4290. > To be fair, you are getting rather hard yourself
  4291. > Then a slender hand slides just above your beltline
  4292. > "I'm sorry, I lied, I can move away. But I think you are enough of a slut that we can have some fun. Am I right?"
  4293. > Her fingers slowly unfasten your pants button
  4294. > Fuck yes
  4295. > You love this world of (more) perverted women
  4296. "Yes."
  4297. > She practically purrs, her hand diving down and wrapping around your erection
  4298. > "Mmmm, you're such an eager gigolo."
  4299. > Her soft fingers work their magic on your dick, stroking, squeezing, rubbing
  4300. > You brace yourself against the train car door, breathing heavily from her ministrations
  4301. > She presses her whole body against you, soft and warm and sweet smelling
  4302. > "Come on, let it out. Give me all your sperm, you perverted man."
  4303. > She nips at your ear and you groan in pleasure
  4304. > Her hand speeds up and she tightens her grip around your length
  4305. > You inhale sharply, hips bucking at the stimulation
  4306. > Her other hand slides over your hip and down, fondling your testicles
  4307. > It's too much
  4308. > Your dick throbs and she shifts her grip quickly, the hand that was fondling your balls now cupped over your glans
  4309. > You thrust against her hand, hot jizz erupting from your cock into her waiting hand
  4310. > "Good boy. Empty those succulent balls of yours."
  4311. > You can barely hear her over your heartbeat and the pleasure flooding your system
  4312. > You fire into her hand a few more times before tapering off
  4313. > You can feel her pull her hips back slightly as she withdraws her cumsoaked hand
  4314. > "Guess what, slut? I'm rubbing your precious semen all up inside my sopping cunt. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll get pregnant with your child. Wouldn't that be great? Your first born with some woman you will never meet again."
  4315. > You've said it before, and you'll say it again
  4316. > You love this world's perverted women
  4322. >Be Luna, the moonist moon pone. 
  4323. >You exploring the dreamscape when you run into the alien Anon's dream. 
  4324. >He isn't having a nightmare but you go in anyway. 
  4325. >You were always curious about what he'd dream of. 
  4326. >As soon as you enter you are met with load bangs! 
  4327. >Some going extremely fast and make less sound, some are slow and make load sounds, occasionally you are met with a massive BOOM of a explosion. 
  4328. >You see tons of humans running by in what appears to be heavy cloth. 
  4329. >Most are running towards a building. 
  4330. >The one's who don't are met with a high speed projectile, blood blowing out of the opposite side of their body. 
  4331. >All of the sudden a giant green metal beast on tracks bust through a nearby wall. 
  4332. >It turns what appears to be it's head seemingly looking around. 
  4333. >A human rushes the beast letting out a high pitch scream firing it's weapon at it. 
  4334. >The beast seemingly unaffected by it turns its head before spitting what seems to be a high speed fireball at the human. 
  4335. >The human somehow still intact from the explosion falls to the ground dead. 
  4336. >You see Anon jump out of the head of the beast rushing towards his fellow human most likely to help him. 
  4337. >He runs over and stand over his head before crouching up and down laughing. 
  4338. >"Oh my fucking god! You're such a fucking hacker! Stop tea bagging me noob!" The human you previously believed was dead screams with a squeaky voice. 
  4339. >Anon just keeps laugh as the man child thing screams at him. 
  4340. >...
  4341. >You leave Anon's dream and vow to never return.
  4345. >Anon dreams of sensual sex with Luna as the real Luna watches, shocked. 
  4346. >With some roundabout logic, the moon princesses convinces herself that technically, she had sex with Anon.
  4347. >Now she must do the proper thing and court him, taking responsibility for defiling his purity. 
  4348. >Meanwhile, Anon doesn't even remember the dream. He just knows he woke up with a boner
  4350. >He just knows he woke up with a boner.
  4351. >And Luna in his room, holding a bouquet of flowers. 
  4352. >She's nervous and out of practice in courting a stallion
  4353. >She panics and throws it at his face
  4354. >"B-bon appa--enjoy!"
  4355. >She uses teleport
  4359. So what if when Luna enters the dream, Anon is having sex with Nightmare Moon?
  4361. Bonus points if it is the real Nightmare trapped in the dreamscape
  4366. >Anon dreams about fucking Nightmare Moon every other night.
  4367. >Luna just doesn't get it.
  4368. >She confronts him about it in a dream.
  4369. >Anon has no idea that she does that and thinks it is just part of his dream.
  4370. >rape
  4371. >Luna tries to have him arrested.
  4372. >It happened in a dream so there is no evidence.
  4373. >Luna decided to punish him in his dreams.
  4374. >Luna's punishments are anon's various fetishes.
  4375. >Anon rapes her every time she tries to leave.
  4376. >Luna starts to like it
  4377. >Good ending!
  4383. “M-mister Anon.”
  4384. >Yours heart races as he raises his head up from the bench that he was sleeping on.
  4385. >Your eyes meet as he makes a low growling sound.
  4386. >He looks pretty groggy, maybe you should just forget it.
  4387. >”What do you want marshmallow?”
  4388. “I'm not marshmallow, I'm Sweetie Belle.”
  4389. >”Whatever. What do you want? I am trying to get some sleep.”
  4390. >Your face is flushed, your heart is pounding, and your horn lights up.
  4391. >You quickly levitate a small coin purse out from your saddlebags.
  4392. “U-uh I heard that you do stuff for money.”
  4393. >Upon hearing that, he seems to take interest. You think.
  4394. >There is silence for what seems like an eternity, but probably was no more that a few seconds.
  4395. >”What did you have in mind and how much are you offering?”
  4396. “I-I want you to do stuff to me.”
  4397. >He makes a face at you.
  4398. >”Details.”
  4399. >Your tiny body stiffens as you respond.
  4400. “I want you to do stuff to my horn.”
  4401. >He just sits there silently.
  4402. >”Look kid, when I ask for details, I mean details. You want me to use my hands, mouth, or something else? Do you want your magic burst on my face or inside my mouth? Do you want me to twiddle your shittle?”
  4403. “Twittle my shittle?”
  4404. >”Just get lost kid. Every second you stand here is a second that you are scaring away real customers.”
  4405. “I am a real customer!”
  4406. >That came out louder than you intended.
  4407. >He just smiles a little.
  4408. >”Than tell me what you want.”
  4409. >You channel all of your pent up hornyness and all of your wet dreams.
  4410. “I want you to suck my horn dry and swallow every last drop. Then I want you to pick me up, hold me upside down against a tree and lick under my tail until that is dry too. . .”
  4411. >”Both holes?”
  4412. “Y-yeah and I want to suck you off while you do it.”
  4413. >He starts to chuckle.
  4414. >”Damn kid. I'm actually kind of impressed. A hornjob followed by an upside down nomming session with some dick sucking thrown in for good measure. Not bad at all.”
  4415. >You notice a pretty sizable bulge in his pants.
  4416. >”Let's see. How's 50 bits sound?”
  4417. >You only have 15.
  4418. “Uhh, I don't have that much.
  4419. >”Aww thats too bad. You are pretty cute though. Maybe I could go down to 30 just for you.”
  4420. >You wonder if Applebloom will lend you 15 bits. Probably not.
  4421. “I-I still don't have enough.”
  4422. >You are kind of embarrassed now.
  4423. >”Well how much do you have?”
  4424. >He sounds a little annoyed.
  4425. “15 bits.”
  4426. >He just deadpans.
  4427. >”You thought that you could get all that with just 15 bits? I normally charge 20 bits for just a hornjob. 30 bits for all that is a real bargain.”
  4428. >Okay now you are really embarrassed.
  4429. >He takes a deep breath and sighs.
  4430. >”Oh what the hell. I've made plenty this week. I guess a little charity never hurt anyone.”
  4431. “R-really!”
  4432. >”Really really. Just tell me where you want to do this and we will head out.”
  4433. >Sweet Celestia this is happening!
  4434. “T-there is a little treehouse in Sweet Apple Acres that we could do it at.”
  4435. >He stands up tall and looks down at you with a warm smile.
  4436. >”Well what are we waiting for?”
  4443. >The Pie sisters (minus Pinkie) decide that it's time to find a stallion and start increasing the number of workers on the rock farm
  4444. >They head out to Ponyville, thinking that Pinkie will have all sorts of information on who would be the best mate: best with kids; least whiny; biggest cock; etc
  4445. >Pinkie makes a list of single stallions and they meet each one, going through the list alphabetically
  4446. >"Stallion" number 1 is Anon
  4447. >Limestone immediately loses her composure (you don't learn a lot of social graces living alone with your family on an isolated rock farm, let alone how to properly court a male) and awkwardly demands that Anon go back home with them to the rock farm
  4449. If Anon is going to live at the rock farm, I could see Igneous and Cloudy involving themselves in their children's love lives. 
  4451. Not like literally in the bedroom, but in the awkward encouragement sense, and the poor sisters learning more about their parents sex life than they ever wanted to know.
  4453. Cloudy coaching her daughters, and Igneous giving Anon tips.
  4455. Gotta make sure those grandkids come sooner rather than later after all
  4457. >"H-Hey! Hey, you!"
  4458. >A flustered-looking gray mare marches over to you, glaring at you as though you've done her some great personal wrong.
  4459. >"Y-you'd... you'd better..."
  4460. >The mare takes a few quick breaths to calm herself.
  4461. >"You'd better c-come home with me!"
  4462. >You look behind her and see Pinkie struggling not to laugh, standing in the company of two other unfamiliar mares
  4469. Anon got thrown in prison for trying to hold hooves with an unwilling mare
  4470. And even worse that it was in public
  4471. Many said that stallions cannot >rape mares but that started being questioned after this situation
  4472. Equestria as a whole is divided, with someponies wanting justice for the mare and others defending anon
  4473. Even the four princessess cant decide what to do with him, being divided within themselves as well
  4474. All of this just because Anon wanted directions to the train station
  4477. >All of this just because Anon wanted directions to the train station
  4478. I, too, grab the strangers I talk to.
  4480. "Excuse me, miss!"
  4481. >A cream coloured mare looks up from her book, looking at you in curiosity.
  4482. >"Yes? How can I help you?"
  4483. >Without a word you reach out and snatch her out of her seat.
  4484. >"Wh-what are you doing!?"
  4485. >Cradling her on her back, you start to rub her tummy and nuzzle her mane.
  4486. >Her face is bright red and she looks outraged.
  4487. >"Stop that! What is wrong with you!?"
  4488. "Sorry for taking up your time."
  4489. >You lean forward and blow a raspberry into her belly, making her shriek and start batting your head with her forehooves.
  4490. "Could you tell me where the train station is, please?"
  4491. >You begin to play with the soft underside of her hooves while you patiently wait for her to give you an answer once she's done sputtering angrily.
  4498. >Silly poners think Anon is a mare
  4499. >Until he starts growing a beard
  4500. >Then Fluttershy realizes he's changing gender, like certain species of amphibians
  4501. >T-that's kinda hot
  4502. >Rainbow Dash is Anon's marefriend and already knew that he was male
  4503. >Never brought it up in conversation because she thought it was obvious it helps that she's seen his penis
  4504. >When Fluttershy announces that she believes Anon is changing genders due to his beard, Rainbow Dash silently wonders if sticking around with Anon would make her a dyke
  4505. >Keeps muttering "no homo" under her breath as they cuddle in front of Anon's fireplace
  4510. >Anon has a crippling fear of intimacy
  4511. >He would be the lewdest creature on the planet, if only he bring himself to actually /do/ anything
  4512. >Mares take this as evidence that he is Pure Horsebando material
  4515. >Anon was legitmately abused by his mother
  4516. >is extremely suspicious and fearful of any female with any sort of power over him
  4517. >Gets pulled into RGRE, where all the females are aggressive, numerous, and considered the more powerful sex by default.
  4518. >He has to live with a mare who agreed to host him.
  4519. >Said mare is overbearing/flirty and it scares him to no end.
  4520. >But he can't leave her without being homeless.
  4521. >Everyday in Equestria is living hell to him. 
  4522. >His host finds everything out.
  4523. >The pure horror on her face.
  4529. >Pure as the driven snow
  4530. >Hesitates to even hold hands/hooves
  4531. >Blushes like a tsundere from my japanese animes
  4533. >Princesses wish they could pass some kind of law to get custody over him and protect Anon - who is surely as fragile and innocent as a delicate porcelain doll - from the evils and corruption of the world
  4534. >Meanwhile, Anon is trying to look under mare's tails as discretely as possible
  4539. The reason Celestia and Luna keep the title of Princess rather than accepting their place as queens is because they're still waiting for their dadd- ESTEEMED FATHER to come back from his extremely important quest of appeasing the space elf prost- DIGNIFIED ROYAL AMBASSADORS in the Galaxy Infrared-9.
  4544. >The Princesses have massive Daddy Issues
  4545. >Anon is the only one taller, bigger, stronger than them
  4546. >Guess who just got more problems to deal with?
  4549. >The princessess atart getting closer to Anon
  4550. >Liking it or not they keep coming to him with more and more bickering of one to another
  4551. >Leave it as sisters being cute sisters
  4552. >Soon they both come to him at once
  4553. >They want him to prove the other wrong in an argument
  4554. >In a discussion where both sides have over 1000 of wiseness and experiences
  4555. >Meanwhile Anon cant even understand the basis of what they re talking
  4556. >The princessess just keep discussing in front of him, thinking they can win him to their side with a better argument
  4557. >Anon just gets more lost in it all as it goes on
  4565. >Anon jumped ahead a thousand or so years into the future because reasons
  4566. >Still in the location of the previous castle, and Twilight eventually finds him in the Everfree
  4567. >Sends a letter to Celestia describing Anon and including a picture
  4568. >It takes all of 7 seconds after the princess receives the note for Celestia and Luna to teleport all the way over from Canterlot to Ponyville
  4569. >Anon now must deal with grown-up versions of those two fillies he found in a box and took care of for a few years
  4570. >And he's never been happier
  4572. >Luna was isolated on the moon for a thousand years while trapped in her persona of Nightmare Moon
  4573. >Celestia had to deal with her father disappearing and her sister being banished for a thousand years
  4574. >A thousand years alone; her entire family gone
  4575. >Anon had expected Luna to be the most emotional about his return (she had lived up to her status of "baby sister" back when she was younger), but it's actually Celestia who cries into his chest and absolutely refuses to let go
  4576. >Anon lets her take her time.
  4577. >When they take him back to Canterlot, neither allows him out of their sight and they all fall asleep curled up in front of the fireplace
  4579. >The absolutely unflappable Princess of the Sun
  4580. >Who put on a brave face, no matter what threats faced Equestria over the last thousand years
  4581. >She couldn't dump all her problems and insecurities on Luna, her poor little sister had her own issues to deal with already, Celestia had to be strong for her, and their little ponies
  4582. >But now daddy is finally back, to make everything better
  4584. >Anon has no idea how to help Celestia
  4585. >He's just one mortal man
  4586. >He has no experience running a country nor much in the way of magical knowledge
  4587. >Hell, even as a parent he considered himself average at best.
  4588. >He's completely out of his depth, but tries anyway
  4591. >Anon gets courted by one of the maids
  4592. >He doesn't care that she's not royalty or anything
  4593. >Feather Duster is a kind, caring, and cute mare.
  4594. >Celly gets jelly of the attention but can't bring herself to keep her daddy from finding love
  4595. >He never had anyone as a special somepony back then
  4596. >Luna just doesn't want to have to call one of the waitstaff "Mom"
  4598. >Anon starts courting Twilight
  4599. >Celestia is confused and horrified; The filly she always thought of as a daughter is now technically her mom
  4601. >Anon starts dating Bombshell.
  4602. >Celestia and Luna disapprove.
  4603. >Celestia thinks Anon deserves someone better than some dumb, socially retarded klutz.
  4604. >Luna is the Element of Sperg, and sees Bombshell as a goddamn amateur.
  4605. >something something RGRE
  4612. >"All right Spike, send it."
  4613. >the small dragon blows green flames over the parchment and it rapidly disappears
  4614. >rounding back on Anonymous, she continues with a smile
  4615. >"Ok Anon, I've let the Princess know you're here and about how you arrived. She'll probably send a basic reply in the next few minutes, but honestly it might take a few days before she decides the best course to take, you being a cast-away from anoth-"
  4616. >suddenly, there's a sloppy mish-mash of magic as two teleports burst into being in roughly the same space
  4617. >both Celestia and Luna come barreling out at full speed, rushing Twilight and Anonymous
  4618. >Celestia is literally tumbling end over end, trying to get upright but failing at anything other than propelling her somersaulting further
  4619. >Luna is flailing her hooves to run so hard they're practically slipping out from underneath her and getting tangled up, while her wings flap as if she were flying
  4620. >both are sobbing
  4621. >"FATHER!"
  4622. >"DADDY!"
  4623. >Twilight can do nothing but gape in dumbfoundment as they collide into a giant pile with Anonymous, desperately nuzzling and clinging to him
  4628. >Discord was the one who sent Anon into the future via time portal because he was the only one who couldn't be directly affected by his magic and thus stood a chance of actually defeating him without the Elements of Harmony
  4639. >Anon feels bad cause he missed a lot of important good times with his family.
  4640. >It's total bitch and a back-stabber with Discord.
  4641. >Anon becomes the anti-fun-chaos police.
  4642. >Tries to provoke Discord.
  4643. >He has a very short leash.
  4644. >Just one fuck up and his ass turns into stone.
  4645. >BOOM!
  4646. >You asked for Chocolate milk, Discord?
  4647. >I brough you normal milk, no fat, 
  4648. lactose-free and no sugar.
  4649. >Anon gives him a stare of- I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE Mother fucker-
  4650. >Discord smiles while tears pour from his eyes
  4652. "Alright Discord, you can go, but first you have to drink all this milk."
  4653. >"W-why are you doing this, Anon?"
  4658. >There are no gaming consoles in Equestria, but Luna games with Anon through his dreams
  4659. >She can recreate them accurately from his subconscious memories
  4660. >It's like playing VR versions of his favourite games
  4661. >She does it all so he won't feel homesick
  4666. >Cat-pegasi make nests out of socks they steal from the hamper and built them on unmade beds
  4668. >Unicorns are a bit more refined
  4669. >They just nab boxes and shred paper in them with their magic
  4670. >The paper shredding serves no purpose; it's just fun to them
  4672. >Earth Ponies get restless if they don't go outside and play for a bit
  4673. >Despite being as small as a cat and behaving similarly to one, they tend to act more like a dog when they get excited
  4674. >They're easily the biggest nappers of the 3 races, and seem to have a sixth sense for knowing when there's a lap available for them to sleep in
  4680. >You are Elyssar'sirath ruler of the 8th circle.
  4681. >And you can't believe this shit.
  4682. >Some mother bucker thought it would be a good Idea to bring HIM to your reality.
  4683. >Though you loathe to admit it, you are... thankful to the Diarchs for bringing this to your attention.
  4684. >After much posturing and bargaining you have agreed to some things. Most importantly keeping HIM the buck away from Tartarus.
  4685. >Oh Lords below why did you agree to this, wait is she smirking? I swear by the blood temples, Luna will pay for this.
  4686. >You are Anon.
  4687. >Luna brought a friend named Elly.
  4688. >Look at this cute widdle pone. Trying to be all scary, with her horns and wings and shit.
  4689. >She's a shy one isn't she? Oh why is she shaking? Is she scared?
  4690. >Ah shit! she teleported away.
  4691. >"Sorry I scared your friend away Luna."
  4692. >"Tis' alright Anonymous, It's been many moons since Elyssar'sirath has seen or felt the touch of a colt."
  4693. >"Well if you say so, Luna."
  4694. >"Say Anonymous, Can you continue the tale of the Biggest Boss and his belligerent Sons."
  4696. In the first age, in the first battle, when the shadows first lengthened, one stood. Burned by the embers of Armageddon, his soul blistered by the fires of Hell and tainted beyond ascension, he chose the path of perpetual torment. In his ravenous hatred he found no peace; and with boiling blood he scoured the Umbral Plains seeking vengeance against the dark lords who had wronged him. He wore the crown of the Night Sentinels, and those that tasted the bite of his sword named him... the Doom Slayer
  4702. >Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis slowly gaining a conscience
  4703. >It sounds suspiciously like their husbando
  4704. >Every time they try to subjugate the masses, they can practically see Anon looking at them, sad and disappointed.
  4705. >The resistance groups are confused when both ruthless leaders end most potentially lethal confrontations with a huffy "Oh, just get out of here; before I change my mind."
  4706. >They've yet to connect Anon's presence with the villain's improved behaviour, and merely pity the poor colt and hope that they aren't mistreating him too badly
  4707. >Any and all rescue attempts inevitably end with Anon sabotaging his own escape and being "recaptured" by his mares
  4713. Humans to ponies are as adorable as ponies are to us. Many mares are reluctant to have sexual relations with anon because to them it would be like fucking a foal
  4719. >Anon is a huge metalhead
  4720. >Poners overhear him singing (insert generic power metal song here)
  4721. >Are amazed; Clearly, this colt is a great warrior from a tribe of amazons
  4722. >Next time a villain threatens Equestria, they give him control of a battalion of hardened guardsmares
  4723. >Hilarity ensues
  4729. >RGREqG
  4730. >Anon from regular Earth is sent to EqG because idk Twilight saw humans and thought "close enough"
  4731. >The biased gender ratio is still there, only now Anon is surrounded by hormone-saturated girls dealing with newfound desires and sexual frustration, and who can't go more than 8 seconds without thinking about cock
  4732. >Now having aggressive human instincts and general >muh human superiority, the high school girls work to snatch unsuspecting young men away when they least expect it instead of doing what their horse-selves do, which is to group up and try to tempt/lure single stallions away
  4733. >In Equestria, Anon only had to deal with a mare getting a little bit too pushy and trying to make him cuddle with her.
  4734. >In EqG-land, Anon has to watch is back and every turn lest he be taken away and "claimed" by a small group of girls
  4735. >They're subtle and merciless
  4736. >Take for example a three-girl group:
  4737. >Anon might turn the corner and have girl A (who had been waiting for him) blindsight him with a shoulder-shove as she walks by, spinning him around and disorienting him
  4738. >Girl B (who had been following behind him before he turned the corner) might turn the exact same corner immediately after and brush up against him to make him drop his books, thus distracting him
  4739. >Confused, startled, and focusing on getting his books off of the floor, Anon won't be prepared when girl C snakes an arm around his elbow and yanks him into an empty classroom just a few feet away.
  4740. >Girls A and B are soon to follow after making sure that nobody saw them
  4741. >The entire capture took less than 10 seconds
  4744. >The mane six join forces to become the greatest gang of rapists of all of Equestria (High).
  4746. >Elements of Harmony strike team
  4747. >Can extract any boy or small group of boys in record time due to their unparalleled and flawless ability to work together as a team
  4748. >One minute Anon is grabbing his shit from his locker, and the next he's got a faceful of breasts and is being tactfully and unobtrusively moved into an unused classroom
  4751. >"Is that Anon standing all alone without anybody to protect him?"
  4752. >>"Sunset, come quickly! We need your breasts!"
  4754. >Anon is the only guy that isn't a prudish faggot
  4755. >despite warnings from others, he deliberately walks around out of the way hallways alone
  4756. >he gets insane amounts of ass daily because he is intelligent enough to know the best places to get some
  4757. >the girls that nab him trade him favors and gift him shit non-stop to apologize for it, in desperate attempts to keep him from talking about being raped
  4758. >he never tells them that he's cool with it because the free shit is dope
  4762. >Anon tries to go to Principal Celestia for help
  4763. >She's in on it too
  4764. >"Oh are those naughty girls harassing you again, Anon? Why don't you step into my office so we can talk all about it.
  4765. >She turns around and locks the door
  4767. >"Oh, Anon! You must be so distressed! I can't stand to see a boy cry - come here and give me a hug."
  4768. >Celestia grabs the back of your head and mashes your face into her cleavage.
  4769. >She's not wearing a bra.
  4770. >Celestia's hand slips under your shirt.
  4771. >"It's going to be okay, sweetheart."
  4774. >Principal Celestia genuinely cares about the welfare of her students
  4775. >Also can hardly stand being surrounded by so much cock
  4776. >Compromises by getting a little bit too handsy with some of her male students
  4779. > Be Anon, thoroughly lost
  4780. > You're still kinda new to this school, and you have classes all over the place
  4781. > It doesn't help that when you ask a girl for directions, she and her friends drag you into the nearest restroom and/or empty classroom, and have their way with you
  4782. > And for every guy in school, there is about three girls
  4783. > So you get fucked a lot
  4784. > It's starting to get ol-
  4785. > Haha, no, can't keep a straight face
  4786. > This is the best time of your life
  4787. > Especially when the girls accidentally dragged you into Principal Celestia's office
  4788. > But the point remains that your sense of direction in the building is shot
  4789. > You hear a long-suffering sigh behind you, while hands firmly turn you around and give you a push
  4790. > Smoooosh
  4791. > Forget it, you are never getting to geometry on time
  4792. > Hold on
  4793. "I know these tits. Perky, yet soft, and just the right size to hold in my hands. Sunset, how are you doing today?"
  4794. > She pulls you along, with the help of the elements of sexuality
  4795. > "I'm doing alright, recorded a few new songs with the girls. We almost have enough for an album now."
  4796. > Your pants have disappeared, and you can feel your boxers being tugged away
  4797. > The classroom door closes with a click
  4798. "That's great! Say, once you and the girls have had your fun, want to skip out on school and watch a movie at my place? I'll be making caramel corn."
  4799. > Sunset practically purrs at the suggestion
  4800. > "Homemade caramel corn? And you wonder why you get raped so much. You got it, Anon, it's a date."
  4801. > Rarity makes a little "awww" noise as she sucks greedily at your cock
  4807. >Anon is monogamous
  4808. >Waifu is everything he ever wanted, and he doesn't need other ponies in the mix
  4809. > The Mare is expected to share her stallion with at least a small herd and the stallion is expected to agree to that
  4810. >When Anon states that he doesn't want a herd, waifu is initially shocked, but soon becomes quite happy, she has him all to herself
  4811. >Other ponies aren't that happy though
  4812. >It's against all Equestrian ideas that led to society functioning happily with screwed gender ratios
  4813. >Waifu's friends expect to be invited to herd soon
  4814. >Some of ponies accept them, some try to act as they don't care even if they don't like it
  4815. >And the more traditional of them try to take matter into their own hooves
  4816. She has stallion all for herself?
  4817. And it's apparently his own decision?
  4818. But he is only colt, he doesn't know what he's doing.
  4823. >Dad Anon to Celly and Luna was gone so long because he was stuck in Tartarus
  4824. >*Somebody* has to RIP AND TEAR around here, and Poners just can't do it properly.
  4825. >He had to put the fear of pain back into the demonic denizens after they got the bright idea to try invading the surface after Discord got turned into a lawn ornament.
  4826. >Discord thought they were no fun at all, no sense of humor, and had in his own wacky ways kept them in Tartarus
  4827. >But with Ol' Dissy out of action, Anon had to go to work.
  4828. >He never seemed to have problems with Tirek, being as he wasn't actually a demon, Anon didn't have to try bitchslapping him, and the old centaur seemed to be grateful that there was some entertainment to go with his incarceration.
  4829. >Anon still wasn't sure where Tirek kept getting that popcorn.
  4831. >Time passes differently in Tartarus
  4832. >All that time RIP AND TEAR'ing through the hosts of demons only took a couple years to him
  4833. >However, being exposed to and coming in contact with all that demon blood changed Anon
  4834. >He's now immortal, so long as he stays within range of Tartarus
  4835. >Well, that range increases with exposure, so just about anywhere on the planet
  4836. >He's also corrupted a little
  4837. >Unfortunately for the powers of evil, humans are born as selfish bastards but learn to control themselves
  4838. >Now he just steals cookies and cupcakes from ponies when they aren't looking from time to time
  4839. >His greatest evil? He once stole forty cakes.
  4840. >Celestia still holds it against him
  4847. >Honestly, you wouldn't be so frightened if they'd at least given you some platemail
  4848. >But noo, that stuff's too heavy for a colt, just take these chainmail hot pants and this weird leather chest thingy
  4849. >Even Conan wore armor when he could get it!
  4850. >At least you have a sword now, not that you have any idea how to use it
  4851. >And so, here you are, standing atop a hill, ahead of a column of several hundred mares
  4852. >Across the valley, you see an army of manticores, timberwolves, and all manner of wild creatures, under the command of a really poorly designed mare
  4853. >Like seriously, if your armor is too little, she has the opposite problem
  4854. >How can she even move under all that weight? And what's up with all those spikes?
  4855. >Well, whatever, it's not like you'll likely get the chance to ask her about it, what with all those clawed, fanged, and otherwise deadly beasts under her command
  4856. >Your second in command, a battle-hardened veteran of a mare, covered in scars and obviously a more qualified leader, looks up at you
  4857. >"Well, Captain Anon? What are your orders? Do we wait for them to attack?"
  4858. >You gulp
  4859. >This is it; Here's hoping all those hours spent playing Mount and Blade will pay off
  4861. >You are tired, injured, and covered in the gore of several dozen monsters
  4862. >Your sword arm aches, but you're surprisingly adept at this
  4863. >Guess swinging a sword isn't too different from your usual right arm exercise
  4864. >Somehow, despite your lack of armor, the worst wound you've received was a scratch on the shoulder from a timberwolf, who is now somewhere among the piles of dead and dying monsters surrounding you
  4865. >The sounds of battle begin to die down as your forces finish off the last few surviving creatures, while the more experienced warriors begin the long task of looting
  4866. >Apparently these monsters all carry between 5-10 gold coins on them for some reason
  4867. >You, however, have a different objective
  4868. >During the battle, the mare in the spiky armor, the villain who started this whole mess, has been tucked away in her camp behind the lines
  4869. >It's not hard to find; Her forces just slept wherever on the ground, whereas she has a tent to herself
  4870. >It's not much admittedly, just a little yellow Colemare tent designed for two ponies
  4871. >Inside, you see a shape desperately moving around
  4872. >A big shiny spike suddenly pierces the nylon material, leaving a tear
  4873. >"J-just a minute!"
  4874. >Fuck that, you're not waiting for her to get her armor on
  4875. >Walking over, you unsheathe your blood-encrusted sword and cut a long tear into the side of the tent
  4876. >Inside, a short mare is half-dressed in a set of impractically bulky armor
  4877. >"W-what?!" She shouts, as you tear open her shitty tent, "I was expecting Celestia herself, not some measly co-"
  4878. >She attempts to point her leg at you, but in doing so, one of the giant six inch spikes on her armor slashes into her cheek
  4879. >"Yowch!" She screams, grasping the wound, before collapsing into a fetal position and beginning to sob
  4880. >"I-I just wanted to be a big mare... G-go ahead and kill me, I deserve it for all I've done."
  4881. >What has she done
  4883. >As far as Celestia told you, this mare used a spell to enslave all the monsters of the Everfree, then sent an envoy to Canterlot demanded surrender
  4884. >Then Celestia sent you, for some reason, and a battalion of her best mares, to put down this weird little attack
  4885. >Not much of an attack, to be honest
  4886. >Not a single mare on your side actually died, in fact, your scratch is the worst wound you've seen today
  4887. >Aw, what the heck
  4888. >You scoop the crying wannebe villain up, taking care to remove her spiked armor plates, and carry her like a foal back to camp
  4889. >Celestia can decide what to do with her; For now, there was a silly pony who needed some cheering up
  4895. I want to see the story about Trixie being a trixie (RGRE version of Chad) and being converted into a nice pony by Anon's TLC and HMD.
  4896. >a showmare travelling across Equestria
  4897. >wooing all the stallions with her tricks and sweet talk
  4898. >self absorbed and overconfident, like a shitty popstar
  4899. >other mares and less wooable fuck you that's a word now stallions hate her - either because she gets all the D, or because she is a cunt
  4900. >enter Anon, resistant to all her bullshitty charm
  4901. >even when they get a bit closer, all he wants is a stable and loving relationship
  4902. >The Great and Powerful Trixie is confused
  4908. I keep having this idea about Trixie's family being Nobility once upon a time, with Trixie being related to Luna at least as much as Blueblood is related to Celestia (Which might not be much, but is apparently enough to mean something in the aristocracy).
  4910. But because Luna fell from grace, Trixie's family, the Lulamoon's, lost all social status with the other nobles because of their connection to her. Now the family, what's left of it, is almost totally broke, and that's part of why Trixie is living in wagon.
  4912. But now Luna is back
  4914. >Luna wants to reach out to the loyal families of the old
  4915. >all she got form Lulamoons is Trixie
  4916. >this was not what either them expected
  4917. >too proud to back out, commits the poor showmare to the life in the castle
  4919. >Luna hears of the Lulamoon's problem and gifted them fuck-tons of bits.
  4920. >Trixie reluctantly accepts because she misses the simple life on the road with Anon.
  4921. >Anon bought one of NMM's unused flying citadel so they could live in comfort and still travel around Equestria.
  4922. >Years later Fortress Lulamoon becomes one of Equestria's most successful Trading/Entertainment Hubs
  4924. (Cat pone)
  4925. >Live with Trixie
  4926. >She wakes you up at 4:30 in the morning because she's hungry and wants you to make her breakfast; she could do it herself, but she wants YOU to do it
  4927. >Wakes you up by lightly tapping your face with her hoof
  4928. >If that doesn't work, she goes into the bathroom and yells until you get out of bed to investigate
  4933. >In a twist, sex with humans is considered to be bestialtiy
  4934. >Talking about Anon usually ends with "...I mean, if he weren't human."
  4935. >Lusting in secret intensifies
  4940. >Anon is Applejack's coltfriend
  4941. >He finds the idea of a tiny racist horse adorable and isn't put off by it
  4942. >Applejack knows that Anon ain't no queer (judging by how much he enjoys the taste of her candyvag)
  4943. >Anon still acts a lot like a mare, which fuels strange rumours about Anon's sexuality and his relationship with Applejack
  4944. >Applejack really upset when she hears other ponies whispering to each other their suspicions that Anon is secretly gay
  4945. >"Anon ain't no fag! Y'all don't know what you're talkin' about!"
  4947. >Anon hears about this
  4948. >He finds this hilarious and decides to freak Applejack out by getting 'caught' cuddling Big Mac
  4949. >It's not gay if it's ponies
  4951. >Convinces Mac to take a nap
  4952. >Lays down next to him when he hears Applejack approaching and pretends to fall asleep
  4953. >"Wh-what in tarnation?!"
  4959. You know there's some mare somewhere that sees Tirek (especially his jacked final form) and thinks
  4960. >I'd hit it
  4961. >He just really needs a mare to rock his world, then he wouldn't be so evil.
  4962. >I wanna reform him through the power of Hot Mare Depths
  4967. >RD is still in denial about the dirty thoughts running through her mind that time Gilda's cousin came to visit Cloudsdale
  4969. >"What did you just call me you featherbrain? Come over here and I'll show you who is bird fiddler around here! Let me go, I'll hoof that lying mouth to the back of her head!"
  4970. >Ever since the gossip surfaced, Rainbow's friends had to break up attempted fights at least thrice a day.
  4971. >They also helped her clean the nasty paintings around her house and hid the crudely obscene drawings of her.
  4972. >Because they were good friends, even if they could not understand her sick perversion
  4975. >The more harassment Dash got, the more she found herself appreciative of the strong griffon embrace there to protect her.
  4976. >Nopony would dare attack her with him aound
  4978. >In a reversal of the racist hicks routine, it's the pegasi and unicorns that are the racist pones.
  4980. >Earth ponies are more understanding of these things.
  4981. >A mare has needs after all, and if her stallion happens to technically not *be* a stallion, well that's between him and her.
  4983. >Ponyville, founded by earth ponies and still majority earth pony, is a not-so-wretched hive of perversion and forbidden love.
  4985. >Being the weirdness magnet that it is, ponyville takes this attitude even beyond the usual level of discrete rendezvous' at midnight in the barn, into interspecies couples engaging in PDA in broad daylight.
  4986. >Deviants from all over Equestria gravitate here
  4992. >Despite griffons not existing on Earth, Anon just so happens to have a genetic quirk that makes him allergic to them
  4993. >Gilda visits town for the first time and has an encounter with Anon, and they agree to meet up later and be friends
  4994. >This initial encounter was brief enough and Anon had been far enough away from Gilda that his (at this point unknown) allergies don't kick in
  4995. >Ponies silently wonder why Anon would willingly associate with such a rude griffon like Gilda
  4996. >There is inevitably grumbling about how all the colts seem to go for "Trixie Lightningclits" instead of nice mares like them
  4997. >Anon meets up with Gilda later that evening at around sunset
  4998. >Not long after Anon goes to wherever Gilda is staying, both she and he discover Anon's allergies to griffons.
  4999. >Gilda is disappointed but understanding, and Anon goes home early
  5000. >Ponies see Anon walking around with a red face, swollen eyes, and being unable to breath through his nose and assume the worst
  5001. >It's dark out, and this causes ponies to mistake the symptoms of an allergic reaction with bruises
  5002. >Word spreads the next day that Gilda is a colt-beater, and Anon only barely intervenes in time to save her from being chased out of town
  5003. >Twilight writes Celestia a friendship report about the entire incident
  5008. >The real reason for Twilight's enduring rivalry with Trixie is that while Twilight excels at magic, Trixie gets all the stallions
  5010. >Ey bby, you wanna see how I can make your penis disappear?
  5011. >*Eyebrows waggling*
  5017. >Anon gets a job in construction
  5018. >The mares who work there (aka everyone other than him) all take the Earth stereotype of loud, rude, and dirty construction workers and run with it
  5019. >"Hey, colt! Nice sheath!"
  5020. >"Y'wanna buck? We got time, my breaks over in 15 minutes."
  5021. >"Ey, let's go to the diner on north side, yeah? The waiter there's a bit of a slut and he don't never tell his boss when I touch his flanks."
  5028. >Anon works as a manager at a fast food place
  5029. >Most of his kitchen workers are teenaged mares who don't bother showering before they start their shifts and awkwardly try to hit on the stallions who work the registers up front
  5031. >Anon is the flirty boss that encourages better highgene in his girls
  5033. >Anon is the benevolent boss who understands that life happens and doesn't get upset when one of his workers needs to change his schedule of availability
  5034. >Never yells at his workers if they screw up and instead takes them to his office where he asks what they're having trouble with and patiently explaining how to do their job better
  5035. >Gives all his employees a free burger or drink after they've survived an unexpectedly busy and stressful day
  5043. >Looking at the rest of the group, you guessed that AJ was a barbarian, Fluttershy was a beastmaster, Rarity was a mage, and Pinkie was a bard or something
  5044. >Rainbow comes in closer, rubbing her chin and smirking
  5045. >"Hey, you're looking pretty good Anon! Maybe you'll be more fun to have around than I thought!"
  5046. >What is she talking about?
  5047. >Glancing down, you see that you were dressed like a slutty belly dancer
  5048. >There was more skin showing than clothes on top of it
  5049. "What the fuck!? Where are my clothes?"
  5050. >Rarity circles around you, nodding with approval
  5051. >"This is the traditional garb worn by stallion healers! I must say, you do wear it quite well, darling."
  5052. "I thought I would be wearing a robe or something!"
  5053. >She frowns
  5054. >"No, no, Anonymous, only the mare healers wear robes."
  5055. >Of fucking course
  5056. >Twilight hugs your leg reassuringly
  5057. >"Don't worry Anon, you look really nice. More importantly though, we're going to have a lot of fun on our adventure! Right girls?"
  5058. >They all agree on unison
  5059. "Yeah, but-"
  5060. >"C'mon, let's hit the tavern and I'll elaborate on the details of our quest."
  5061. >You begrudgingly follow as she leads the way
  5062. >Twilight leans over and whispers
  5063. >"I'll protect you, okay? Just stick by me, and I'll keep you safe from monsters."
  5064. >You sigh wearily
  5065. >Rainbow covertly nudges Applejack and lowers her voice
  5066. >"Anon looks pretty hot in that getup, huh?"
  5067. >"I'll say. That colt's always dressed so formally, it's nice to finally see that freaky alien body up close."
  5068. >Rainbow grins conspiratorially
  5069. >"I bet you twenty bits I can fuck him before we get back home."
  5070. >Applejack chuckles
  5071. >"Yer on."
  5076. Fucking Thunderlane
  5077. >"C-can I have equal rights?"
  5078. >The mares just laugh and continue to gargle his cock against his will
  5084. >Meanwhile, Anon laughs at the stallionists with his herd of mares snuggling against him.
  5085. >Anon's previous encounters with the would-be homme fatales (in their eyes, anyway) haven't made him very popular amongst the male population; turns out that calling a group of people "a bunch of whiny cunts" won't make you any friends or sympathisers.
  5086. >In several instances that are filled with equal parts irony and a shocking lack of self-awareness, many stallionists have commented that they hope Anon gets raped
  5092. >Anon the househusband
  5093. >In between making sure the kids don't burn the house down, and cooking dinner, he's the alien inventor trying to recreate Human technological wonders
  5094. >whereupon the kids end up trying to keep *dad* from burning the house down
  5097. >Equestria has 70/80's technology
  5098. >Including computers
  5099. >Anon's face when his hobby of tinkering on old C64s makes him one of the foremost programmers in Equestria
  5103. >You are Anon and you are currently talking to some orange pony wearing a business-y purple suit top about a job.
  5104. >"I'm sorry Mr. Mous. But I just can't see a stallion even performing mediocre, at best, in this position."
  5105. >You shift in your seat.
  5106. "So you are saying I don't get the job?"
  5107. >She looks up from your résumé with a glare.
  5108. >"Yes... You don't get the job."
  5109. >Clearly she didn't read all of your résumé or she would have read the line about your time as a rapist.
  5110. >You stand, dropping your pants.
  5111. >Her eyes seem to grow larger in size at your actions while some other part of you grows large as well.
  5112. >You proceed to fuck her into a coma.
  5113. "That'll teach you."
  5114. >You say to no one in particular after leaving her in a puddle of hers and your own warmth.
  5115. >The next day you got a call back.
  5116. >You got a job and you will be working directly under her...
  5117. >Well...
  5118. >Her desk.
  5119. >...
  5120. >Whelp.
  5121. >It's a living.
  5127. >The first Alicorn Stallion isn't a whiny little bitch
  5128. >Gets shit done and behaves more or less like a mare
  5129. >Despite being the first male stallion and has the highest position of power that a male can have, stallionists complain that he's a figurehead or doesn't represent their interests
  5130. >Stallions will never be satisfied
  5136. >Spa Sisters in RGRE
  5137. >their business is going pretty slow, since mares are too proud to engage in such colty behaviour and because they think it's a place for fillyfiddlerswhile actual stallions are too few
  5138. >there exists a rumour that they have resorted to providing "happy endings" for the customers out of desperation
  5139. >enter Anon, quickly getting hired in the spa because of his hoof penises
  5140. >suddenly a lot of mares are wishing that their snarky rumours are true
  5141. >business is booming
  5142. >Anon has to deal with rather... awkward situation and pushy mares at work
  5145. >The happy endings rumour started because of Anon
  5146. >He just couldn't stop himself from squeezing mare's asses
  5147. >"He's touching my-is it really THAT kind of spa treatment?"
  5152. >Anon works there long enough that he's no longer phased by giving happy endings
  5153. >He can take one look at a pony and know how to get the job done
  5154. >Hell, he could be reading the newspaper with one hand and three knuckles deep in a mare with the other and still do it
  5155. >His customers give feedback that he's too fast and needs to slow down so they enjoy it
  5156. >He learns that wet to orgasm in less than five seconds is much too much, but it really helps with customer turnaround
  5157. >By the power of his dexterous hoofspiders, Anon gains the ability give mares surprise-orgasms from fingering alone
  5158. >What kind of problems will this cause Anon?
  5159. >What kind of problems will this cause Equestria?
  5164. > Mares derive most of their sexual pleasure from the sensation of being cummed inside
  5165. > A long lasting stallion is a "dry well" that take a lot of pumping to get to the good stuff
  5166. > Stallions worry about lasting too long, while mares spend a lot of time on foreplay so that the stallion will come quickly during the main event
  5171. >Anon picks the two arguing princesses up, deposits them onto his couch, and then calls up/sends a letter via carrier dragon to the local pizza place
  5172. >They spend the evening cuddling, eating pizza, and watching old movies
  5174. >Celestia watches her favorite old film
  5175. >Suddenly realizes that the first Celestial era was a thousand years ago
  5177. >Anon calms her down with some treats he baked earlier that day
  5178. >Celestia is comforted by a sweet stallion's homemade cooking
  5179. >Luna checks "knows how to stay in the kitchen when required" off of her "whether/not to court attractive ape monster" list
  5181. >Luna keeps a long running tally of pros and cons as to whether or not to court anon
  5182. >she plans to call it at the 500th item
  5184. >Quickly runs out of significant and relevant things to list, but is determined to reach 500 items
  5185. >"Pro: he makes sure to keep both sleeves of his shirt at the same length, never having only one sleeve rolled up on his arm."
  5186. >"Con: blinks too often when we watch romance movies."
  5187. >"Pro: is indifferent to the flavour of hazelnut."
  5188. >"Con: prefers calling 'heads' to 'tails'."
  5190. >”Pro: Prefers creamy peanut butter to chunky.”
  5191. >”Con: Doesn’t share his peanut butter with me.”
  5192. >”Pro: He’s useful for getting hard to reach itches scratched.”
  5193. >”Con: He doesn’t get sexual innuendo’s about scratching other ‘itches.’”
  5199. >Ponies casually draping themselves over Anon
  5200. >Nothing necessarily sexual or intimate, just ponies who think that Anon is very comfortable to lay on
  5205. >Princess Luna puts on a nightmare night mask and harasses non-ponies
  5206. >Whispered tales of the legendary Moon Mare spread like wildfire throughout Equestria
  5211. >ywn have cute pegasus twins willing to do anything to please you.
  5212. >ywn feel two pairs of wings rubbing against your dick
  5214. >Anon asks them to cuddle or play-wrestle with each other
  5215. >It isn't even anything sexual, Anon just thinks they're super cute
  5221. >"Anawn? Got-dangit, of all the stallions to have to see me like this... Listen here, colt, I don't wanna hear none of yer guff over this, 'hear? Just get me down. And don't you dare go gossiping to the mares about this."
  5222. >"....Anawn?"
  5223. >"Anawn, what're you staring at?"
  5224. >"Is somethin' behind me?"
  5226. >Anon finds mares in compromising positions
  5227. >Fucks them silly and leaves
  5228. >No one believes their stories
  5229. >Anon denies them but shoots them a wink when no one is looking
  5231. "It's true! I accidentally ran into some trees and Anonymous came up behind me and a-ate me out for like ten minutes! I came like four times!"
  5232. >"Suuuure he did. You sound just like Applejack."
  5233. "What happened to her?"
  5234. >"She said that she got stuck in her cart harness and Anonymous came up and gave her a good butt-pounding. Stallions just don't do that!"
  5235. >Damn. Anonymous was right.
  5236. >The whole time he was telling you that nopony would believe you
  5238. >"W-Well a book shelf fell on me, and Anon said he was going to help, but instead he grabbed my hips and rutted me!"
  5239. >"In my vagina!"
  5240. "Twilight, I don't think it really matters wh-"
  5241. >"Maybe this is how humans mate in their society? No marriage, they just get the mare pregnant and then start the herd later!"
  5249. >Not all mares are lucky enough to get a stallion the traditional way.
  5250. >Stallions in herds don't date and the single ones are rarely interested for their own reasons.
  5251. >It's common for a stallion to not work as giving attention to all your herdmates is a full time job in it self, but when they do it's usually in their mares business.
  5252. >For that reason if a mare didn't get lucky in high school or colleague and doesn't have the right connections she struggles to find a stallion the old fashioned, romantic way. 
  5253. >It just doesn't happen by itself some day.
  5254. >When a mare decides that she's been single long enough the most common way of looking for a herd is sending herd applications.
  5255. >Similar to job applications these includes a short summary of oneself, likes, dislikes, hobbies, strong and weak sides, skills and where they are in life at the moment.
  5256. >These can vary in professionalism and style.
  5257. >Some stick to the strong act, wanting to present themselves as a good addition to the family.
  5258. >Others try to stand out instead, try to be funny and open.
  5259. >Some just copy others.
  5260. >Some clearly don't care anymore.
  5261. >And some don't even know how to write a herd application.
  5262. >Mares will often take various courses to put in their applications as having a useful skill that no one else in the herd possess is a big plus.
  5263. >It's a good idea to send out as many applications as you can to increase your chances.
  5264. >Males of Equestria have their post boxes flooded with formal love letters
  5270. > Be Anon, in the middle of a pony orgy
  5271. > Oh wait, it's just you and your Herd of Harmony
  5272. > You were so naive when you first arrived here in smallhorseland
  5273. > When six mares volunteered to be your harem, you figured this was the opportunity of a lifetime
  5274. > Don't get you wrong, you love them all dearly
  5275. > It's just, things get complicated when nighttime rolls around
  5276. > You're just one man
  5277. > Admittedly larger than your wives, but still
  5278. > Right now, Pinkie Pie is humping your leg while also tenderly licking your prostate, somehow
  5279. > Rarity, that sentimental mare, is kissing your cheek and whispering endearments into your ear as you knead her ass with one hand
  5280. > Applejack has the place of prominence tonight, and is riding your dick like a champ
  5281. > One guess as to the position
  5282. > Rainbow Dash volunteered to grind on your chest and make out with Applejack
  5283. > Honestly, you would think she is only in the herd for hot lesbian action, but she enjoys her turn getting the dicking just as much as any of them
  5284. > Twilight is trying to take notes, while you finger her
  5285. > You try to make her mess up, by poking at her back door, or flicking her clit
  5286. > She originally wanted to send xenobiological compatibility reports to old Sunbutt, but you insisted that she can only send the rough draft
  5287. > Sunbutt, the old pervert, sent a letter of appreciation for the compromise
  5288. > And Fluttershy is...
  5289. > Hold up, where is Fluttershy?
  5290. "Fluttershy, honey, why don't you join in?"
  5291. > "Oh, well, I don't want to get in anypony's way."
  5292. > You sigh
  5293. > Poor Fluttershy has a hard time getting attention in this herd
  5294. > You turn your head slightly and kiss Rarity on the lips
  5295. "Thank you dear, but this place is about to be taken."
  5296. > She smiles
  5297. > "But of course! We mustn't leave a dear herd-sister out!"
  5298. > You turn to look at yellowquiet
  5299. "Now, hop up onto my face so I can eat you out properly."
  5300. > She licks her lips nervously
  5301. > "Really? Rarity, you can keep kissing him, I don't mind."
  5302. > Rarity gives her a hungry look
  5303. > "Darling, right now I want to kiss you long and hard while he makes you squirm. Do be a dear, and ride his face."
  5304. > "O-okay."
  5305. > It practically comes out as a squeak
  5306. > Fluttershy hops up onto the bed as Rarity shifts and straddles your hand
  5307. > As bananahush settles gently onto your face, you smile
  5308. > Thank Celestia for aggressively bi mares
  5310. >Fluttershy prefers to watch because she has a voyeurism fetish
  5311. >She still enjoys getting in on the action herself, but watching her husbando and her five best friends go at it is what REALLY gets her off
  5317. >Anon wants to teleport.
  5318. >Twilight decides to help him.
  5319. >She takes him to Celestia and they do various tests to make sure it's safe for him.
  5320. >She teleports with Anon.
  5321. >Once they're across the room, Twilight smiles and eagerly looks to see Anon's reaction.
  5322. >And that's when she registers the screaming.
  5323. >Ponies forget what they see, what they do between when they teleport and when they appear somewhere else.
  5324. >Anon doesn't
  5326. >Anon winds up in a different spot in each of the alternate timelines
  5327. >Crystal War: he ends up a pin-up model because nopony will let him fight on the front lines
  5328. >Gets put on trading cards included in MREs, along with a bunch of other stallions
  5329. >Nightmare Moon's Victory: Nightmare Moon makes him learn to love her
  5330. >Twilight nearly goes nuclear when he sees him laying on her throne like a babe in Conan
  5331. >Changeling Victory: Teaches the ponies to go Far Cry on Chrysalis' ass
  5332. >only has loincloth for clothes
  5333. >Tribe shares him between themselves
  5334. >Twilight stays a little too long when they invite her to spend some time with him
  5339. > RGRE porn
  5340. > Mares always complain that the camera focuses too much on the mare's face or on her parts rather than the colt's face & bits
  5341. > Typical scenarios involve lonely colt DILF in a variety of contrived situations, e.g. ordering pizza late Friday night from pizzeria delivery-mare, emergency visit from plumber mate while horsewife is at work, teenage pool-mare cleaning pool every day while horsewife is in manehattan for work for the week
  5342. > Tech is crap so most porn is VHS & Betamax tapes, sold & rented from scuzzy stores
  5343. > scrambled TV porn channel with indecipherable screen but occasionally audible erotic whinnying, still eagerly watched by desperate horny fillies. 
  5344. > Some actresses famous for having enormous "boxes", able to take any colt's cock and then some
  5350. >Blueblood isn't such a bad guy once you get to know him
  5351. >He's just sick of entitled rich mares trying to seduce him for his money
  5352. >Him and Anon hit it off from the first time they met
  5353. >They get together every friday to play horsevidya
  5357. Mares are not allowed near the designated safe houses for stallions who do not wish to participate in estrus. These safe houses are buildings that are grouped together and surrounded by streets on all four sides. Less cultured mares refer to these as "cock blocks"
  5359. >Anon has no idea about this
  5360. >Wanders outside like normal
  5361. >Mares assume he's fair game
  5362. >Actual rape happensd
  5365. Likewise fillies that come into season during the school year will temporarily be segregated from colts until the heat passes.
  5369. >Estrus just makes mares wink and feel a stronger but resistible (at least until they're aroused and stimulated) attraction towards sex
  5370. >Some mares who can't control themselves just drip mare juices everywhere
  5371. >For some other mares, like Twilight, it means weeks of endless masturbation
  5373. What I tend to like is that mares that are rape-y anyways will say anything about estrus to eschew responsibility for, you know, all the rapes.
  5375. Most mares hear the news reports on the court cases and think, "Huh, it's never that bad for me, but maybe it is for some mares? That stallion shouldn't have been wandering around in season."
  5376. Others think: "Oh, yes, that's why I have these feels."
  5377. Others think: "Horseapples. If a mare can't control herself because she's in heat and decides a stallion wearing socks is asking for it, she needs to go live with the ziggers like her."
  5380. >Cherilee cannot teach during Estrus
  5381. >Anon gets roped into being the substitute teacher that week
  5383. >Anon is only allowed to teach the colts because Ponies are aware leaving a stallion in a room with fillies experiencing their first estrus is asking for a lawsuit
  5391. Mares drop the innuendo hard during estrus and are generally perverts.
  5393. Stallion drops a handkerchief?
  5394. >Gone the next second.
  5396. Stallion walks by?
  5397. >You can hear the inhaling from a block away.
  5399. Mares use the toilet more often during estrus.
  5400. >Not exactly a secret what they do in there.
  5402. Mares become more romantically aggressive.
  5403. >Roses everywhere, love letters and the sort fill postboxes, books about courting are all borrowed from the library
  5409. >"He's mine!
  5410. >"Fuck off skank!"
  5411. >Things are starting to get violent now, what with all of the mares in Ponyville wanting your Superior Human Penis™ 
  5412. >Maybe you shouldn't of started jacking off in the middle of the street
  5413. >You don't know why you're even doing it, you just felt the need to
  5414. >Now you're paying the price
  5415. >"I'll fucking kill you!"
  5416. >There goes another one
  5417. >It's like a battlefield out here, ponies are all killing each other
  5418. >This battle's been going on for a while, some of the bodies have started to smell
  5419. >All you can do is just stand there in the middle of it, jacking off
  5420. >Waiting for someone to help
  5425. Accidentally smug Fluttershy
  5426. >followed by apologizing for being so inconsiderate
  5427. >makes it even worse by asking if she'd like to babysit her foals for a day to know what it feels like
  5434. > Be Big Mac
  5435. > This tree before you is the result of generations of Apple family cultivation
  5436. > Forever seeking the impossible dream of an apple that tastes salty
  5437. > But you have a good feeling about this one
  5438. > You may have included some exotic crossbreeds to get to this cultivar, but that's why the main Apple family is based near the Everfree Forest
  5439. > As you wind up for a buck, you can feel your magic strengthening the tree, while weakening the stems of the apples
  5440. > You don't even have to buck all that hard anymore
  5441. > You kick, intimately aware of the sway of each apple on its stem
  5442. > You will the stem to break just as most of the apples are aimed towards the buckets around the tree
  5443. > The apples fall, thudding into the buckets you prepared
  5444. > You dip your head down and take a bite of one that fell to the ground
  5445. > Salty
  5446. > You did it
  5447. > You really did it!
  5449. > All at once, you are blinded by a flash of red light
  5450. > When you can see again, you are in some weird glowy place under the stars
  5451. "Huh."
  5452. > Not too far away, is that...
  5453. > Princess Celestia?
  5454. > She's frozen, forehoof between her hind legs, staring at you with wide eyes
  5455. > Mares will be mares, you suppose, even if they are princesses
  5456. > "Ah, Big Mac. I believe congratulations are in order."
  5457. > She quickly gets to her hooves, some quick magic banishing the marecum on her hoof
  5458. "Eyup."
  5459. > A little surprising that she would summon you to some starlit nebula thing for growing the perfect apple
  5460. > You are a little flattered that she was masturbating to you, though
  5461. > Celestia beckons you toward a path with floating images on either side
  5462. > You recognize the trees they show, from the sketches of the first zap apple tree all the way to your own personal breeding efforts
  5463. > You choke up a little, moved by this visceral sense of fulfilling the family legacy
  5464. > "Macintosh, you have pushed the very boundaries of Earth pony magic. It is now time for your magic to expand to its full potential."
  5465. > Ribbons of red light swirl around you faster and faster, until you feel a deep blooming within you
  5466. > In a flash, you suddenly have the weird sensation of having a horn and wings
  5467. "What."
  5468. > Princess Celestia smiles
  5469. > "Congratulations, Macintosh, Prince of Apples. You're an alicorn."
  5470. "Oh."
  5471. > You can feel it in your bones
  5472. > There will be more mares flirting with you, maybe even coming from outside of Ponyville to vy for your seed
  5473. > In fact, Princess Celestia is looking at you with a certain gleam in her eye
  5474. > "Luna and I will be by tomorrow to congratulate you in person. But don't worry, it will be a low key affair. No guards or court, just a nice... intimate rendezvous."
  5475. > Well, there is only one thing to say to that
  5476. "Eyup."
  5481. >Anon was not so lucky when he arrived in Equestria.
  5482. >For he arrived during the icy age of the wendigos
  5483. >He found no refuge with ponies, nor any other creature.
  5484. >For fear and hatred ruled the land in those dark days.
  5486. >A human is an exceptionally rare treat for creatures which feed upon emotions
  5487. >The wellspring of their emotions runs strong and deep.
  5488. >A single specimen could sustain an entire hive of changelings until the end of their days.
  5490. >Wendigos are not so easily sated
  5491. >Their hunger is endless
  5492. >It gnaws away at them, the more hatred they consume the more they crave.
  5494. >When at last, the reality of Anon's situation became clear
  5495. >He gave in to rage and despair
  5496. >Like a drop of blood attracting sharks, he drew the wendigos from miles around
  5497. >A great blizzard heralded their approach
  5498. >For days it raged growing ever larger as they drank deep of his bitterness
  5500. >Until he nearly became one of them
  5501. >Their magic could not affect him the way it could others
  5502. >He was altered unpredictably
  5504. >His heart turned to ice, and they could feed no longer
  5505. >They left him there, barely alive but unable to truly die, encased in ice in the northern wastes.
  5507. >Thousands of year later, he is discovered in his icy tomb
  5508. >Can a brave mare melt his frozen heart?
  5510. >Derpy is sent to the frozen north to deliver an important missive to the excavation team posted there.
  5511. >Due to a series of spoopy coincidences and desperate attempt to keep the Ancient Evil Anon™ contained, Anon is now bound to the qt mare.
  5512. >Luna seeing an opportunity, "commissioned" the two to serve Equestria and her people.
  5513. >Anon with his Evil Ice based powers (and puns) and Derpy with her weapons grade clumsiness (and booty). 
  5514. >Together they do morally ambiguous things to Equestria's enemies. and maybe learn about friendship and shit
  5522. >Anon capitalizes on this by becoming an adult education instructor at the local junior college
  5523. >he offers classes such as "Deepthroating for Dummies", "Threesomes 101: Intro to Lesbianing", and "Take It All: A Survey of Anal Sex"
  5524. >it's noticed that his students have higher than average rates of both dating success and stallion retention
  5525. >the princesses and Canterlot nobility unanimously decree that Anon shall henceforth be known as the Duke of Dickings, with all of the responsibilities and privileges pursuant thereunto, including a small stable of cocksocks and the onus to relieve the royal estrus
  5526. >Anon was just trying to get laid
  5527. >all according to keikaku
  5533. Celestia would probably enjoy a break from her responsibilities, though that might change depending on how Anon treats her 
  5535. Luna would find it humiliating. Prior to becoming Nightmare Moon, she rescued stallions from monsters and finds being stuck as a damsel in distress annoying. Tries to escape all the time leading to Anon just keeping her completely frozen.
  5537. Cadence would be worried about how Shining and Flurry Heart are doing without her. But with her powers she knows Anon just needs the right mare's love to warm his frozen heart, so she tries to befriend him. She's also thinking of potentially seducing him into a threeway with Shining. 
  5539. Twilight would pretend to hate it, but maledom is secretly her fetish.
  5541. Anon would probably give Flurry Heart back after a few days because of all the chaos she causes with her magic. But if he's willing to put up with that he might decide to raise her as his evil 'Ice Princess'
  5543. >flurry heart's facemeltingly adorable baby babbles keeps anon occupied and eventually melts his frozen heart
  5544. >cadence is just glad they found a babysitter that wouldn't leave after 1 day
  5546. >Anon still pretends to be evil to keep up appearances, but no one is fooled.
  5547. >"If you want your daughter back, it will cost twenty bits for every hour she is in my clutches!"
  5549. >Cadence bursts into Anon's evil lair to bring back her daughter (Shinging was kept home because he might hurt himself on an adventure like this)
  5550. >Finds Anon asleep on a beat up old couch, with Flurry Heart sleeping on his chest
  5551. >Brightly-coloured baby toy in one hand and half-full bottle of milk in the other
  5552. >One arm wrapped protectively around the filly
  5553. >Cadence shakes her head and wonders why she keeps bothering to take these male villains seriously
  5556. >The princesses gets a bi-monthly "vacation"
  5557. >They already have their stuff packed incase Anon comes.
  5558. >[Insert Foreign Country Here] keeps track of the princesses absences and waits to enact [put dastardly plan here]. 
  5559. >Anon occasionally sends a deadly hoarfrost to ravage the borders to keep the foreign powers in check
  5565. >Meet MILFpone before she was a MILF at a vidya tournament.
  5566. >Meet her in the finials and play to a draw, insults flying from both parties. 
  5567. >Hatefuck MILFpone (I don't know what her name is) much to the heartbreak of your unwashed white knight brigade of fatmares
  5568. >Decide "Yeah, I like this pone" and stick with her.
  5569. >11 months later, out pops your son, Button.
  5570. >Being half-human, raised by a mare tourneyfag and an ayylien with more testosterone than 20 stallions combined, Button is pretty marely.
  5571. >And of course, but like you did years ago, he catches shit for it.
  5576. >"W-what do I do now, Mr. Anon?"
  5577. >you are anon, and before you sits a sniffling Flurry Heart
  5578. >the past few weeks had been a hell of a ride
  5579. >when you got to Equestria, you found out things were a little different than you might have imagined
  5580. >gender roles were reversed
  5581. >and apparently you've turned into piccolo
  5582. >I mean, it made sense
  5583. >the green skin
  5584. >the having multiple people inside you (no homo)
  5585. >the power level that shot up after being alone for so long
  5586. >so you decided to roll with it
  5587. >it's not a bad gig, after all
  5588. >being namekian has it's perks
  5589. >you don't need to eat, you have all of piccolo's abilities, and his strength too
  5590. >this means you don't have to get up to grab the remote anymore (thank you stretchy arms) and you get to troll dresshoers to no end with your clothes beam
  5591. >she was so disappointed when she saw you had made your own business suit AND namekian gear
  5592. >it was too bad about candyass kicking your ass a few months back at the Tenkaichi Moodukai , but after that it was smooth sailing
  5593. >but fun and games ended a few weeks ago with the attack of pony Radditz
  5594. >you still don't know how he managed a mane that huge, but he made it work.
  5595. >apparently Cadence was a Neighyan who was sent here to enslave Equestria and hit her head
  5596. >maybe the brain damage is what made her choose love as her domain
  5597. >you and candyass made a truce to take him down, but like you expected it ended up with cadence dying and taking radditz with her
  5598. >now Neighyan Vegeta and Nappa are on their way, and you plan on living long enough to actually laugh about seeing a bald pony
  5599. >which leads you to now
  5600. >Flurry is half Neighyan, half unicorn. She has untapped potential
  5601. >and you're gonna drag it out of her whether she likes it or not
  5602. >"W-what do I do, anon?"
  5603. >you smirk down as you utter your reply
  5604. "You survive. Do that, and I'll teach you how to fight."
  5605. >"B-but I'm scared, Mr. Anon!"
  5606. "You'll laugh at your fears when you see what you're made of"
  5607. >and with that, you take off
  5612. >tfw can't slay the dragons because they keep coddling and kissing you and calling you adorable
  5614. >A Knight and Dragon
  5615. >Married
  5616. >Bless from a god
  5617. >Pregnant with a human boy
  5618. >The boy became a Dragonborn
  5624. celestia is eternally in heat
  5626. she has full control of it
  5628. >Like humans, ponies are able to experience estrous synchrony
  5629. >When Celestia goes into heat they ALL go into heat
  5636. "U-Unca Non? You dare disrespect me by calling me by such an infantile name? You dare?!"
  5637. >Flurry Heart squeals happily and claps her hooves together.
  5638. >"Unca Non! Unca Non!"
  5639. >You narrow your eyes and boop her gently on the nose; she swats at your hand and tries to divert it into her mouth so that she can gnaw on it.
  5640. "The nerve. The insolence. If you must insist on such a title, then I will call you..."
  5641. >You look around the room to make sure that you're alone.
  5642. >When you're absolutely sure that nobody will ever hear what you're about to say, you lean down and nuzzle the tiny baby pony in your lap.
  5643. "...my little cutie-patootie, and I'll love you forever."
  5644. >CLICK
  5645. >You whip your head up (careful to avoid head-butting the foal) and your heart drops at the sight of Princess Cadence smiling and pointing a camera at you.
  5646. >God dammit, shit like this is why you became a super-villain to begin with
  5649. >Flurry Heart has done it. All those years of fighting and effort has payed off. 
  5650. >She's being recognized by her own meritorious deeds and being the greatest badass this side of Equus.
  5651. >Anonymous crashes the coronation/ceremony
  5652. to proclaim the beginning of his "REIGN OF BLOOD" 
  5653. >Flurry and the guards ready themselves to fight of this villain.
  5654. >"You're just in time Anon!" Cadence interrupts them while waving a remote control.
  5655. >The lights switch off and a massive screen got turned on.
  5656. >"Unca Non! Unca Non!"
  5657. > The crowd is silent as they watch Anonymous the Scourge of Equus play and nuzzle the baby Flurry Heart in his lap.
  5658. >-"...my little cutie-patootie, and I'll love you forever."
  5659. >Anonymous blushes up a storm and escapes with a poof after swearing vengeance of course.
  5665. >Anon and Rainbow Dash are good friends
  5666. >Straight into "bro" territory, just like my Japanese 2013 "Rainbro Dash" fanfictions
  5667. >Dash has heard (and seen) tonnes of close friendships turn into romantic relationships and then bomb because best friends don't always make best lovers
  5668. >Wants to have her cake and eat it too; is determined to keep Anon firmly in the "bro/sis" category while still doing romantic couple things with him
  5669. >Gives herself a pep talk before going down on him for the first time
  5670. >"Be cool, Rainbow Dash, be cool. F-Friends can suck the cum out of other friends..."
  5671. >Something something RGRE
  5674. Nightmare Moon being tended to in every which way by her personal royal guard
  5675. >pony rubbing hooves
  5676. >pony keeping watch
  5677. >pony putting on some show (dancing, stripping?)
  5678. >pony massaging her unhelmeted head
  5684. How would NMM handle a possessive stallion?
  5686. Amusement at first mixed in with arrogant pride that she's managed to reel in someone so utterly devoted to her. After that, annoyance when the stallion sticks by her side and refuses to leave the room when she's meeting with another male in a diplomatic meeting (read: begging for mercy). Next, confusion because she knows objectively that she isn't a very easy pony to get along with (and her spymaster has already done research and has found no ulterior motives for the male to stick around). Finally, affection and feelings of possessiveness that rival her mate's.
  5692. >You lay on your silken pillows in the ornate throne room you now call your own.
  5693. >Now the only banners that decorate the room are of your moon.
  5694. >Your guards surround you, devoted to the protection of their queen.
  5695. >You feel the soft hands of your lover leave you and turn to address this outrage.
  5696. >Anon lies against your barrel, taking the position of little spoon.
  5697. >His hands are NOT currently tending to your royal belly, but why?
  5698. >You notice his face is turned towards the entryway to the throne room and follow his gaze.
  5699. >Oh.
  5700. >It seems your guest of honor has arrived.
  5701. >Before you stands Celestia. Her wings tied to her back and her horn adorned with a magic nullifier.
  5702. >Despite her current predicament her face is still one of stark defiance.
  5703. >The servants currently fanning you, seeing their former ruler captured and incapacitated so easily.
  5704. >A stern glare sends them back to their jobs with a doubled fervour.
  5705. "Oh, how delightful to see you sister."
  5706. >Your voice is haughty and cocky.
  5707. >Her face only seems to get more furious.
  5708. >Anonymous snuggles back into position and continues to stoke your regal tummy.
  5709. >"How dare you NMM."
  5710. >"First you take over my sister, then my kingdom. And as if that wasn't enough. "
  5711. >Celestia's face falls into a forlorn frown.
  5712. >"You steal my love."
  5713. >You laugh proudly as Anon snuggles you close.
  5714. "Guards, servants, Leave us."
  5715. > quick growl sends them fumbling through the door.
  5716. >You pull yourself up slowly and stroll over to Celestia. Brushing by her side.
  5717. "Oh my dear, sweet sister."
  5718. "It was YOU who stole my sovereignty from ME when you took our subjects love of my night for your day."
  5719. >Anon smiles and makes his way around Celestias other wither.
  5720. "I have always wanted to rule with you, not under you."
  5721. >Celestia squeaks as Anon reaches her flank and gives her a light spank.
  5722. "So what do you say sister."
  5723. >Anon gets down and breaths his hot breath onto your sisters nethers.
  5724. >Her face is bright red as she bites her lip.
  5725. "Want to share?"
  5727. >Laying in between Celestia and Nightmare Moon as they peacefully sleep in their comfortable bed
  5728. >Being the little spoon to Celestia and the big spoon for Nightmare Moon, who swears to eviscerate you if you ever tell anypony how much she likes it when you hug her from behind
  5735. >Your eyes flicker open gently, wind blowing across your clammy skin.
  5736. >The grass feels sharp and prickly on your exposed arms, the air subtly smelling of a freshly mowed lawn, and putrid horse booty butter
  5737. "I did it...I fucking did it...!"
  5738. >You sit up and look around, with widely opened eyes, noticing only forest around you.
  5739. >Those bastards in RGRE with their "She isn't real memes" can gargle your vinegar soaked ballsack! You didn't even need to go through the pain of chugging clorox either. You just watched the 2017 My little pony movie and BAM. Shit works like all pieces of Exodia.
  5740. >With a big smile you rise to your feet and scan your surroundings of Moonlit Vegetation. It must be night, but that doesn't matter.
  5741. >You're in Equatria.
  5742. >Anon in Equestria. 
  5743. >You plan to have a horse harem starting off with Pinkie Pie, then include Flutters and Rarity, collecting one of each type until you have an even number of Equine DNA Dumpsters-
  5744. >"HALT THERE BEAST!"
  5745. >You're broken out of your self-exposition by a contigent of Dark Arnor clad ponies pointing spears at you.
  5746. >"Identify yourself!"
  5747. >Just like in your greentexts back home! Oh shit!
  5748. "My name is Anonymous. A human from a distant world where our technology has leaped by bounds compared to your archaic devices."
  5749. >The ponies look at one another confused.
  5750. >One pokes you with his spear.
  5752. >"Shut your mouth, filthy biped savage! Come with us! We shall present you to her highness! Pray she is merciful."
  5753. >Oh? It's gonna be Luna first huh? She was always best princess anyway. You wonder how awkward will she be upon meeting her.
  5754. >The spaghetti will be glorious. 
  5755. >Heh. This kinda makes you like Noctis OC. His tears of jealousy almost makes you hard.
  5756. "Fine. I shall meet your eesteemed leader. Once I am declared an extinct species, you'll beg my forgiveness!"
  5757. >They shrug to one another confused, and poke you again.
  5758. "OW!"
  5759. >"Shut your cupcake catcher creature, and move your hooves!"
  5760. "Feet."
  5761. >POKE.
  5768. I had this stupid thought that Anon's colt friends warn him against dating Celestia, but he does it anyways. The next day the entire court complains about the constant moaning, but couldn't find the source because Anon was too busy being in Celestia's mane being molested nine ways to sunday
  5774. > Be Anon, making cookie dough
  5775. > Quite frankly, you need a pick-me-up after what happened at work today
  5776. > Some rich mare heard there was a good masseur at the Ponyville spa
  5777. > Probably heard about it from one of her stallion acquaintances, because that masseur would be you
  5778. > So she comes in, all hot and bothered, and takes one look at you and asks for a refund
  5779. > Ranting about fraud and employing sub-pony races, and minimum levels of attractiveness
  5780. > Law enforcement was all too happy to kick her out, but the damage was done
  5781. > You know you are no looker, at least by pony standards, but it still hurts hearing a female voice say how ugly you are
  5782. > The spa girls were very understanding, offering you the rest of the day off
  5783. > Of course you refused, you aren't as delicate as some of the guys around here, you can still work
  5784. > Not to mention that some of your male friends had appointments today, and you weren't going to leave them to the wandering hooves of the spa sisters
  5785. > By the end of the day, though, you were worn out, body and mind
  5786. > You grab a spoon, take the bowl of dough, and plop down on your couch
  5787. > The house is quiet as you slowly eat your way to emotional equilibrium
  5788. > And then you hear a knocking at the door
  5794. >Anon has been in Equestria for over a decade now
  5795. >Has settled down with a herd and started having kids
  5796. >Oldest daughter joins her school'd hoofball team
  5797. >Anon is generally okay with this, until her first game
  5798. >The dads from the visiting team started talking shit about the home team
  5799. >Anon's face when one of them calls his daughter a freak who shouldn't be allowed to play
  5804. >Anon is hurled back through time
  5805. >Ends up shacking up with teen/young adult Celestia and her parents in their castle
  5806. >For some reason, Luna is nowhere to be seen
  5807. >Celestia is consumed by bottomless cocklust, and is trying to get into Anon's pants
  5808. >Eventually he succumbs
  5809. >Oops, she's pregnant
  5810. >Her parents are pissed at her instead of him, because RGRE
  5811. >Now she's less valuable for diplomatic marriages
  5812. >Her mom laughs nervously
  5813. >"It's okay, everything will be fine! We'll just...raise the child ourselves, and tell everyone it's your sister!"
  5814. >Oh, shit
  5816. >Anon was dating Luna before he was hurled back in time.
  5817. >Celestia was always awkward around them for some reason
  5819. >Anon and Starswirl start hanging out
  5820. >we wuz wizards and shit
  5821. >they both disappear around the same time
  5822. >when NMM returns after her banishment so does Anon
  5823. >NMM gets a stern talking to about trying to take over the kingdom and destroy her mother
  5824. >oh shit did I say that out loud?
  5825. >NMM and papanon shenanigan
  5826. >Anon's face when NMM wants to do father, daughter stuff that he never signed up for
  5827. >something something RGRE
  5829. >Twilight brings Anon back to the future
  5830. >The meddling in the timestream required to do it messed up the timeline again, and they show up in the NMM timeline
  5831. >They are found by the guards and brought before the Nightmare herself
  5832. >"Have you brought me a gift, subject? For some reason, this creature's strange form is quite appealing to me."
  5833. >Jackpot
  5834. >Anon can keep her distracted while she gets what she needs to make a spell to return home!
  5835. >"Oh, yes! He just loves horsepussy, I wouldn't be surprised if you couldn't keep up with him! You won't find a better concubine in all of Equestria!"
  5836. >Anon is sweating bullets, desperately gesturing for her to shut her fucking mouth while she espouses the healing properties of human semen
  5838. "Twilight? Do you have any idea what you've done?"
  5839. >"I've saved Equestria, is what I've done! Don't be such a prude, Anon. You-"
  5840. "Luna isn't Celestia's sister, Twilight; she's her daughter."
  5841. >"What?! Then who's the father?"
  5842. >...
  5843. >"That's kinda hot."
  5845. >Anon doesn't get to meet the Royal "Sisters" while he's in present-Equestria before he's hurled back through time; his first exposure to Celestia is her horny teenaged self who is probably going through her goth phase
  5846. >Remains in Celestia and Luna's lives for 6 or 7 years; long enough for Luna to have firm long-term memories of Anon
  5847. >Anon is thrust back into the future; life continues as usual
  5848. >Anon doesn't know that alicorns are immortal and believes that his lover and daughter died hundreds and hundreds of years ago
  5849. >Eventually gets a summon from Canterlot, politely requesting that he have a meeting with him (aka: a member of a unique species from another universe)
  5850. >Shocked silence on Anon and Celestia's parts; both thought that the other was long dead
  5851. >Silence is broken by a small, uncertain "Daddy?" coming from Luna
  5853. >Starswirl was a mare, Anon's best friend
  5854. >Anon called her a tuftbeard constantly
  5855. >The name stuck, and Celestia didn't bother correcting the mistranslation
  5856. >Anon just thought it was hilarious
  5857. >Her ghost is still tied to Anon, because they get stuck near the least magical thing that was important to them
  5858. >Having no innate magic, Anon doesn't age in this universe because magical wear and tear causes ageing
  5859. >Alicorns have an absurdly high tolerance for this which is why they are immortal
  5860. >Starswirl's ghost still constantly pesters Anon to fix her legacy
  5862. >Anon and Luna have a tearful reunion, much to the confusion of the guards posted in the room
  5863. >Luna sleeps in Anon's bed that night
  5864. >Anon cuddles Luna almost constantly, embarrassing and pleasing her in equal measure
  5865. >Anon finds out that Celestia never told Luna that she was her mother and Luna has a tender "I got both my parents back" moment with Anon and Celestia
  5875. Anon is hired to show Fleur De Lis around town, but Fleur misinterprets "escort" to mean "prostitute". She keeps dropping hints that she wants to take this to somewhere more private, making innuendos about how he could 
  5876. "exploring [her] town centre" if he wants to.
  5882. Ponies are cat-sized qts and Anon has to watch out about stepping on angry mares when walking around town.
  5883. Also, lewd mares rubbing against him and trying to flash them their marebits from the ground
  5885. >Anon picks a mare up
  5886. >She rubs her face against his cheeks 
  5887. >Demands chin scratches
  5888. >Gets horse fur everywhere
  5890. >RD succeeds in making Anon blush
  5891. >Pumps her hoof in celebration and flies over to a group of mares waiting just off to the side
  5892. >They all cheer and high-hoof Rainbow
  5893. >Rainbow Dash flies off with a "see you later, babe," and a quick slap on the ass
  5896. >She tries again. 
  5897. >This time, you're ready.
  5898. >Snag her out of the air.
  5899. >"Wha..? "A-anon?"
  5900. "You're not blueballing me again, fastpone. You belong to ME now."
  5901. >Run home.
  5902. >Her struggles start off real, then just become token efforts as she realizes what's going on.
  5903. >Later, the guards get called when someone finds a group of red-faced mares with their ears pressed to the side of the local hyooman's house
  5909. >Be Twilight. 
  5910. >Be exploring Anon's planets 'internet'. 
  5911. >How? Fucking magic. 
  5912. >You found a place called /mlp/.
  5913. >Supposedly there is a show of one of your world. 
  5914. >Although it's not exactly correct leading you to believe it's a different universe. 
  5915. >Anyway back to /mlp/.
  5916. >This place is FILLED with horny human colts all wanting pony pussy! 
  5917. >Big colts, small colts, skinny colts, fat colts!
  5918. >You name it they're here! 
  5919. >Best part is, they are sooooo hot for each other. 
  5920. >How do you know this? 
  5921. >Easy, they act just like colts in you neighponies comics. 
  5922. >Calling each other faggots, telling them to kill themselves. 
  5923. >They are definitely into each other. 
  5924. >AND they're into you. 
  5925. >You wish you could bring two here. 
  5926. >Probably the one called LaP and AnalPlug 
  5927. >You'd have Rainbow come over and ride the first one while he moaned about worst pony and you had the other one pound you into oblivion. 
  5928. >Or you'd keep them to yourself. 
  5929. >Oh~ it turns you on thinking about it.
  5930. >Best part is, they'd do it. 
  5931. >Why? 
  5932. >Because they're already slaves to your tightness before they even had it! 
  5933. >You scroll through the thread and see something that catches your eye. 
  5934. >"How DARE you! Seppuku NOW!"
  5935. >Oh yeah, you tell him you dirty colt! Just like the animes! 
  5936. >You begin to touch yourself thinking of the two humans kissing each other while moaning-
  5937. >"Y-You're a faggot." to each other
  5945. >Anon arrives in Equestria
  5946. >Normal non-rgre equestria
  5947. >Spends a couple of years there and falls in love with Twilight
  5948. >She rejects him
  5949. >One day he suddenly appears in the friendship castle in a flash of light
  5950. >Twilight starts talking about how she used a spell to see her alternate selves
  5951. >Since that twilight was too much of a bitch to hook up with Anon she offers to
  5952. >Anon is thrilled at first but realizes that while THIS equestria looks like the one he knows everypony is different
  5953. >Ponies he was friends with before are cold to him now
  5954. >Others who disliked him now are interested in him
  5955. >Even Twilight is different enough to make him have doubts about being with her
  5957. >Old Twilight and him would talk for hours about Earth and all the wonders there
  5958. >New Twilight is kinda dismissive and unbelieving
  5960. >Old Dash was a loyal friend who would hang out with Anon and play sports for fun
  5961. >New Dash is super aggressive and is somehow worse about one-upping Anon in anything they do
  5963. >Old AJ was his boss and he did heavy lifting for her on the farm
  5964. >New AJ says he is a slut and wont let him near SAA
  5966. >Old Fluttershy would teach Anon about animals and how to care for them
  5967. >New Fluttershy will barely talk to him unless its to tell him its too dangerous
  5969. >Old Rarity would talk to Anon about designs and use him as a living dress up doll
  5970. >New Rarity is catty with him and has an obvious dislike for him
  5972. >Old pinkie and new pinkie are the only constant...though new pinkie tells a lot racier jokes
  5980. >some greens use his critically-endangered status to grant him legal protection to be an all-around asshole and get away with pretty much anything
  5982. >Celestia has given Anon permission to mate with any pony of his choosing at any time, just in case a pregnancy takes and Anon can propagate his species
  5983. >Anon abuses this
  5984. >Most mares aren't bothered because what kind of dyke turns down a stallion who desperately wants to fuck her?
  5985. "Lyra! Lyra, quick!"
  5986. >The mint pony jumps at your shouting and drops her smoothie in surprise.
  5987. >She'll mourn it later, though.
  5988. >"What is it, Anon?!"
  5989. "I need your vagina!"
  5990. >"Wh-what?"
  5991. "Right now!"
  5992. >"Right... right NOW?"
  5993. "Yes!"
  5994. >While Lyra hops from hoof to hoof in a nervous dance, mares from all around her either laugh or grumble about Lyra's a "lucky bitch"
  5996. >Anon gets used to having whatever mare he wants whenever he wants
  5997. >accidentally a pregnancy
  5998. >she's a super-smug bitch about it
  5999. >tells other mares their cunts just couldn't handle his seed
  6000. >taunts them to try with anon, since she still needs to build a herd with him like a respectable citizen and because her parents would be disappointed she couldn't get a herd
  6001. >mares now argue who should go first and enforce this (dicking) pecking order with force
  6006. wouldn't anon cause some serious sexual insecurities with the first mare he fuggs since most stories have him lasting so much longer than normal?
  6007. i imagine that, in the morning after, the mare wonders why it took so long for him to finish even after she was totally exhausted. was she not good enough? was he just telling her a white lie when he said that all humans take that long or longer to finish?
  6012. >"Sir you've been flagged in our database for extra security measures..."
  6013. >Anon just smiles and encourages her during the pat-down
  6014. "I think you missed a spot. Better check it again."
  6015. >...
  6016. "You never know what I might be hiding."
  6017. >...
  6018. "I think it's time for a full body-cavity search."
  6019. >Anon leans down next to her
  6020. "Your body cavities."
  6021. >"S-sir you've been selected for additional screening. Come with me."
  6022. >Anon sleeps like a baby every trip
  6024. >Mare security officer waves around a wand to see if Anon has any dangerous magical artifacts on him
  6025. >The wand is silent, but the mare keeps turning her head and making "bwee! Bwee! Bwee!" noises with her mouth
  6026. >Standard "please remove your belt buckle" requests
  6027. >Mare frisks him, giving special attention to his groin
  6028. >Asks Anon to follow her to the back room
  6029. >Molests and/or has sex with him
  6031. >he actually is smuggling stuff
  6032. >it's something innocuous like salt which is only illegal because it's addicting in high concentrations, because it tastes really good
  6033. >anon is the worlds greatest smuggler and snuggler
  6035. >Anon uses the wand as a sex toy
  6036. >It gets stuck
  6037. >Now till the end of her shift she has to wiggle her ass around creatures and open her mouth so you can here the weeeoooowww sound. 
  6038. >Still worth it.
  6044. >bureaucratically hobbled immigration was slowly set-up between the two worlds.
  6046. “Miss Vanduff, I think my proposals here are fair…”
  6047. >You are Flowing Script the unicorn, better known as just Flo to friends, the official Equestrian dignitary to earth.
  6048. >And by the goddess’ you have a headache.
  6049. >The sharply dressed and rather pretty human mare, er, woman across the desk from you just sighs and rests her chin in her laced fingers.
  6050. >She must be annoyed, if the experience you have with your human husband has taught you anything. 
  6051. >The princess’ tasked you with making it as easy as possible for quality human males from educated nations to make it into Equestria in an effort to fix the low, almost negative birth rates that are STILL slowly favoring the birth of fillies. 
  6052. >The “Also to fix the lonely mare epidemic” went unsaid.
  6053. >But the human governments were just having none of that. 
  6054. >”Miss Script, I just can’t agree to this. This is so horribly skewed that it’s almost an injustice,” Vanduff says, her unhappy frown growing. “I cannot present this to the the leadership of ANY nation in the UN.”
  6055. >Now you frown.
  6056. “An injustice? Surely this cannot favor Equestria so heavily that you would discard it all together? We simply want desirable humans to have the freedom to come to us if they so wish. It’s not as if we’re forcing them.”
  6057. >Vanduff shook her head, her long mane flowing. “It’s not that Equestria is favored too heavily, it’s the migrants you desire are favored too much. You said that you intend to fast-track immigration of humans that you want and intend to outright deny others. The UN won’t stand for that. They will want equal treatment of everyone.”
  6058. >And back to square one with even more embellishment than last time.
  6059. >Will it be impossible for humans that Equestria isn’t looking for to get in? No.
  6060. >Will it be harder so they can prove they can contribute? Yes.
  6061. >The various other races wanting in on the human pie like the griffons and minotaurs? Now THEY will unapologetically deny anyone they don’t want, and dare anyone who doesn't like it to throw down.
  6062. >Even Equestria doesn't want EVERYONE. You want humans who are valuable and contribute. Savages and more females are NOT needed and never will be.
  6063. >But the various “developed” human nations are just fine with shouting down and sometimes abusing their males. Just the thought sickens you, as all you can see is your husband’s downtrodden visage upon each faceless statistic.
  6064. >Earth being largely patriarchal makes it even worse. What sane society willingly tries to hobble itself by cutting down their core contributing members?
  6065. >If the few times you’ve been on the “internet” is any indicator, then the decades of abuse is going to backlash into an exodus of young, breeding age men, leaving many human nations sore.
  6066. >And you are NOT leaving until you can assure Equestria will have her prize in the form of the exodus.
  6067. >Ugh. What you wouldn't give for a stiff drink right now.
  6068. >Infact… 
  6069. “Miss Vanduff? Why don't we call a recess? Perhaps we can come to an agreement after a rest.”
  6070. >Vanduff gives a long-suffering sigh and nods reluctantly after a delay.
  6071. >Tch, what a colty dyke… 
  6079. >>Nuclear reactors shut down/explode
  6080. >>Garbage collection doesn't happen
  6081. >>Everything goes straight to hell in less than a month
  6083. >Only the SJW, Feminist/nazis, and other human garbage remaining on Earth in danger.
  6084. >Surviving humans on Equestria hear about this.
  6085. >Common joke among them: "Several trillion dollars worth of improvements."
  6087. >Princesses Celestia/Luna/Twilight realize humans are incapable of producing children (or non-pony children) without human females.
  6088. >Special black-ops pony task force created to secretly abduct healthy beautiful human females from Earth for breeding stock so Equestria can maintain a stable population of human dick.
  6089. >Equestrian laws changed requiring all healthy human males donate sperm on a biannual basis.
  6090. >Guys don't care. Mares at sperm donation clinic VERY happy to help in any way they can.
  6091. >Sperm used/unused based on rating system of clinic for producing attractive human offspring.
  6092. >Equestria maintains massive black-site compound under canterlot castle to house enslaved attractive female humans.
  6093. >Human breeding stock given benefits or punishments based on number of offspring produced.
  6094. >Children taken at birth.
  6095. >Each mother put in milking machine to produce for her children in separate facility as needed (to ensure health of children).
  6096. > Children moved from facility at 18 months old to adoption agencies/orphanages.
  6097. >One generation later, human population in Equestria ensured stable (and majority are extremely attractive to ponies).
  6099. >Aforementioned disasters on Earth became apparent to remaining people on Earth.
  6101. >Humans in Equestria foresaw this, told princesses, ponies destroy portal to Earth before hand (hoof?) to prevent influx of human females with shitty genetics (fatties, uggos, feminists/nazis, etc.) who would muddle the human pseudo-eugenics experiment.
  6102. >Humans who first came from Earth laughingly draw parallels between this and Noah's Ark.
  6104. >Ponies/Humans cohabitate under idyllic Equestrian rule.
  6108. >One mare marries a /pol/ack
  6109. >He's a race traitor, though, and loves the hoerspussy
  6110. >Educates some of the Equestrians on machiavellian thought and the idea of fabricating multiple factions within a single group
  6111. >Anon works with several unicorns from Celestia's school
  6112. >They develop portable devices that only open gates to the earth-side of the main portal
  6113. >made from simple diamonds or crystals, just about any unicorn can learn the spell to activate everything
  6114. >the ponies enclose the entire area around the portal into a bunker
  6115. >for "protection," of course
  6116. >soon earth is flooded with unicorn "tourists"
  6117. >word gets out that meeting one of these and being chosen could get you smuggled into equestria
  6118. >men are selected by these tourists
  6119. >a single mare makes a "herd" full of "stallions" on earth
  6120. >no one can deny them this, since it would be oppressing their culture
  6121. >each one takes her herd of men behind closed doors and activates the device
  6122. >groups of men appear behind the main gate and waltz into equestria
  6123. >People start to notice the mass disappearances
  6124. >The Crown denies any involvement, blames it on "rogue pony factions' agents"
  6125. >they openly recruit with pamphlets, tables, and posters at taverns, sporting events, and anywhere else mares congregate
  6126. >they're only allowed to return with no less than three willing and qualified human men
  6127. >they call it the "underground get-railed-road"
  6133. >Equestria outlaws monogamy.
  6134. >Human females legally required to produce at least 2 children and provide a stable family environment (a herd) before the age of 35 to continue to qualify for Equestrian citizenship.
  6135. >Next generation of Equestrian humans given special tax breaks and considerations if long-term human male's herds include one human female, and a minimum of two mares.
  6136. >Humans of the herd sign contract stating that (barring injury/illness/death preventing it) a human child will be produced before the female turns 30, with two children minimum by the time she turns 35 (to keep up the human population).
  6138. >Human males socially expected to take "burden" of mare population off pony stallion's hooves.
  6139. Human females considered worthless by society. ("Can you believe the teats on human mares? They all just sit around and are blatantly stupid. At least stallions can give us dick in exchange for being so clueless and childish!)"
  6140. >Mares generally consider women like men consider the wife's cat rather than equals. (Can't get rid of it. Just put up with it.)
  6142. >A century later, Humans return to Earth via newly constructed portal.
  6143. >Plants have reclaimed most of the land.
  6144. >Humans who remained all long dead.
  6145. >Humans begin rebuilding.
  6146. >Once again humans have home of their own (under leadership of Equestrian princess).
  6147. >No more rag-heads, religious nuts of any kind, or social extremist shits (feminists/SJW's/etc).
  6148. >Human males have proven to be far more productive/industrious than human females.
  6150. Standard human household includes 2 pony mares, one human male, one human female, mix of 2-4 pony children and 1-2 human children.
  6151. >Family hierarchy is traditionally: Pony females >human male>human female>children.
  6152. >Sometimes: Pony females - human male>human female>children.
  6154. >Humans re-discover technologies/knowledge when returning to Earth.
  6155. >Infinitely better and more fair government now in place.
  6156. >Life is good.
  6161. >The first wave of men who became runners have settled mostly.
  6162. >Half-human foals are born here and there, making headlines for weeks in both worlds as miracles.
  6163. >A viable half-human griffin chick is even born, turning the griffin's passing interest into a full clamor demanding more humans.
  6164. >Other races on Equis now want human males too, as the gender skew is a worldly constant. 
  6165. >The UN is hammered day and night to let their largely fed-up men jump into eager alien hooves, talons, hands, who are promising the chance to breed. 
  6166. >And even normal men will jump at that chance. 
  6167. >As the pressure mounts from Equis and the number of runners keeps climbing, many world leaders see just how much letting social justice run unattended was a mistake
  6172. >Humans with the influx of human ingenuity(i.e. penchant for cheating bullshit with magic shortcuts) makes a whole new age of magiktech development, making it into a early British empire in the sky...in truth the mares just want to see their husbos be barely clothed sky pirates and sweaty "battles" for their respective herds pleasure. Human males become the new age fabios, therefore encouraging healthy lifestyles so males can "show off" while acting, and they make extra cheasy lines with the mares on set, said mares get their position by getting the required "acting" talent required, then by joining a lottery, winners get a chance to get their own harem(if their lucky...kek) of human males that sign up and don't have herds already
  6177. >All the races have check booths at the gate, males get to choose where they wish to go. 
  6178. >One 'fat' male goes to the minotaurs
  6179. >Gets rejected
  6180. >You have seen it time and time again, they never want anyone who has any fat on them whatsoever
  6181. >You know face matters not to them, as its been proven that the bull side is dominant there
  6182. >You sigh, till he asks why
  6183. >The minotaur starts dressing him down
  6184. >If this was a colt he would be crying
  6185. >But this guy just laughs and says he is plenty strong
  6186. >The minotaur, who is no slouch herself, stands up, one head taller gets down to a wrestling position, and tells him 'prove it'
  6187. >At this he laughs and gets into position himself
  6188. >"So how bad do I need to beat you to be accepted" 
  6189. >There are many men who are cheering him on by name
  6190. >Their world has several billion males, how do they all know him?
  6191. >You get down and go up to one that is cheering
  6192. "Excuse me, how do you know his name?"
  6193. >The male you ask looks down quick and then back
  6194. >"You know what tv and the internet is right?"
  6195. "Yes"
  6196. >"Well, back on earth, he is know as one of the strongest men alive"
  6197. >She just looks at him
  6198. >"Some of his feats of strength have gone viral, so not to surprising to see so many know his name"
  6199. >Someone from the griffon line comes in to ref the match
  6200. >"You see her body?"
  6201. >You look at the taur
  6202. >Well defined muscle, almost no shred of fat on her
  6203. "Yes" 
  6204. >"Well for humans, bodies like that are useless, only fit for competitions in builds or if there is a weight regulation"
  6205. >You nod, and see the griffon put their paw down. 
  6206. >The minotaur tries to lift him and end this fast, but she is struggling
  6207. >The man calmly lifts her up, effortlessly and slams her down on her back
  6208. >The sound silenced everyone, the taur is stunned but ok
  6209. >He is circling around the makeshift ring yelling while most of the males cheer him on
  6211. >it broke the silence among the immagration crews
  6214. >Soon everyone was trying to get him to go with them
  6215. >Most likely thinking if he slammed a taur like that, how would he 'slam' something far lighter
  6216. >After a yelling match amongst yourselves, he pipes up
  6217. >"Ladies, how about this, I give you each a tryout and see where I would like to be best"
  6218. >Everyone is silent
  6219. "On top of me?"
  6220. >He looks at you
  6221. >Everyone does
  6222. >"I like you, your first"
  6230. >Rainbow Dash is competing in some small ponyville athletic event
  6231. >Wins and pops off, flying and running around
  6232. >Anon is actually surprised that Rainbow isn't being a total cunt, actually being pretty tame for her
  6233. >Anon hears some salty fat stallion bitching about a stallion she's friends with losing to Rainbow
  6234. >Anon finds this hilarious, decides to pay attention to the lolcow
  6235. >This turns out to be a good idea, because shit goes down quickly
  6236. >The stallion in some kind of retarded leap of logic decides that trying to get Rainbow in trouble would help his friend
  6237. >He decides that the best way to do this would be to assault Rainbow to make Rainbow retaliate and hit a stallion
  6238. >Fatfuck creeps up behind Rainbow as she's popping off again and grabs onto her and starts trying to push her
  6239. >Rainbow turns around, a look of pure confusion on her face, before she grabs hold of the fat fuck and says the first thing that comes to her mind
  6240. >"Who dick is this?"
  6241. >Amazing
  6242. >You realise quickly that without video cameras here in Equestria this will actually go quite badly for Rainbow Dash when the false accusations start flying
  6243. >Decide to step in
  6244. >Grabbing fatfuck under one arm, and some whiteknighting cunt that's getting in Rainbow Dash's face for no reason in the other, you lift with the power of zyzz and start towards the tug of war area
  6245. >While it's difficult to walk with the barrel sized tub of lard squirming and squeeling at you about rape, you make it to the mud in the centre of the field
  6246. >You then drop both pieces of trash into the mud and walk back
  6247. >After fetching the next two whiteknights still harrassing Dash and dropping them in the pit ponies stop giving her shit
  6248. >You then recount your version of what happened to the event officials who have finally arrived
  6249. >Fatfuck gets banned
  6250. >You get temporarily suspended, but Rainbow buys you drinks
  6251. >Could have gone much worse
  6258. "are you fucking with me?"
  6259. >Celestia just blinks
  6260. >"No, you are now legally allowed to try to inseminate any mare at any time, just in case they may be the one to get pregnant"
  6261. >After a few blinks anon picks up 2 maids, 1 guard, 1 trap, 1 reverse trap
  6262. "Celestia, can you kneel down a bit?"
  6263. >Everything happened so fast she didn't really question it. 
  6264. >Anon gets on her back
  6265. >"Wa-what are you doing anon?"
  6266. "To your biggest bed"
  6267. >She still isn't processing this fast enough, and has 5 wiggling ponies on her back along with a human
  6268. "We are going to christen the new law now by putting it to use."
  6269. >The mares under anons arms stop wiggling while the trap wiggles harder
  6270. >Finally picking up on whats happening, celestia extends the wings, and forgets she can fly, running as fast as she can to her room. 
  6272. >Many dickings where had
  6273. >Celestia clawed her way to the door begged the guard to bring more mares so the 6 of them could rest before being pulled back inside
  6274. >When anon first landed in equestria it was thought magic didnt work on him
  6275. >But everyone now knows that to not be true
  6276. >Magic gave him a dick that wouldn't quit.
  6277. >Because of the situation they were all in, and because celestia got incredibly turned on by anons actions, the law was amended to anyone of anons preferences inside equestria's borders
  6278. >Years later, celestia found out that changelings were receptive to anons seed, and were no longer love parasites.
  6279. >This also explained the very weird things she heard that went on at anons home
  6286. >You have had a dream since you were a kid but wrote it off as impossible
  6287. >Then one day a hole in space rips open and you find a damn near utopia on the other side
  6288. >Magic exists
  6289. >The alien women are desperate to get laid
  6290. >Its like 13 year old you had a whack off fantasy that just came true
  6291. >After a month in this alien land, you find a harem
  6292. >You nerdy ass pessimistic self, got a harem
  6293. >And due to magic, you metabolism has been through the roof
  6294. >You have a body you thought you would never have
  6295. >You along with your harem are making a childhood dream come true.
  6296. >You are going to be Captain Anon, Booty warrior of the sky pirates, with your all female harem crew
  6297. >Because no one else patented the idea, you have the dole rights to it for quite a while. 
  6299. >Over the 10 years you had a solo patent, you expanded your harem so you now have a fleet of airships
  6300. >You also are the owner of a luxury cruise ship of the sky
  6301. >Literally every single person of importance wants to ride your ships, even if they can fly
  6302. >6 years back you hosted luna's birthday party above the storm clouds below, 
  6303. >A week later she became a herd member when she found out how much you all appreciated the night sky and how many events take place specifically at night under stars. 
  6305. >Life with your steampunk wife as an alpha, was she ever shocked she stayed alpha when luna joined, and harem couldn't get better.
  6311. >Anon gets a job at a factory
  6312. >Transport belts bring out chocolates that Anon has to sort
  6313. >Too many of them come down the belt
  6314. >Anon panics and starts stuffing them down his shirt and into his pockets to keep up
  6315. >Anon goes home smeared in chocolate and makes a quip about how stallions/men aren't fit for mare's work
  6316. >Anon's herd laughs/sighs and says, "Oh, Anon!"
  6317. >Laugh track, fade to black
  6319. They proceed to lick the chocolate off him
  6323. >There are laws regulating herd membership
  6324. >For example, it is illegal for both a businessmare and a politician to be in the same herd, as it would be a conflict of interest
  6325. >This becomes a problem when both Twilight and Rarity attempt to herd up with Anon
  6331. >NMM was just an angry teen goth phase
  6333. >The only difference being that instead of getting grounded for a week, Luna got one thousand years.
  6334. >Celestia was not the most reasonable mother
  6339. >Secret Agent Anon puts his masculine wiles and instinct for whimsy to use in Equestria's Secret Service
  6340. >Is frequently paired up with Sweetie Drops on assignments
  6341. >She refuses to admit that she's jealous when he goes around seducing other mares.
  6342. >Anon obliviously teases her, calling her "Grumpy Drops" and emaresculating her with surprise cuddles when she's angry
  6343. >She has to do her best to pretend she doesn't like it.
  6349. >Anon is a pushover for ill-treated mares and ex-cons
  6350. >Because of this he has the largest herd in Equestria
  6351. >At 25 and growing the other mares merely groan when he shows up with some poor mistreated mare to add to his herd
  6352. >Secretly they love it because each mare has suffered like they have
  6353. >Anon's herd is one big support group for mares that the system has abused
  6359. >The Alicorn foal is an omnivore like daddy.
  6360. >She likes it when the Gryphon dignitaries visit because they gift her exotic meats.
  6361. >The little shit bit a piece off of the Minotaur Ambassador's ear.
  6362. >Celestia was shocked, Luna Huzza'd , the other ponies fainted.
  6363. >Anon and the Ambassador laughed it off though
  6365. >the ambassadors become like uncles and aunties to the little alicorn foal
  6366. >they constantly go to visit Equestria to "improve their political standing"
  6367. >always sneak out the best goods usually withheld for the nobles and royalty as gifts
  6368. >conveniently when the child's birthday and Christmas comes around they and their familiesare always absent from the kingdom on "important political business"
  6369. >the ambassadors from usually rival and sometimes waring nations constantly cross paths on their way to visit the foal
  6370. >constantly at war in a different way trying to one up each other with what gifts they bring
  6371. >they act like friends whenever the foal is around
  6372. >fall to arguing and brawls when she isn't around
  6373. >one time whilst they're visiting they're asked to come in for show and tell at their school
  6374. >another time they go to a sports day
  6375. >they catch a little shit kid beating her in the sports and gloating driving her close to tears
  6376. >close by they hear the kid's dad encouraging it
  6377. >noonefuckswithourniece.jpeg
  6378. >this one time they come to a peaceful agreement and create an alliance
  6379. >ambassadors and stallion father are carried away by royal guards for brawling in a public school
  6388. > During yet another building confidence character arc episode, Fluttershy receives the bad advice that stallions are all secretly submissive
  6389. > Rainbow brings her to a bar to get a little liquid courage and to practice flirting with stallions
  6390. > Fluttershy ends up drinking a lot of liquid courage before she works herself up to flirting
  6391. > She sways across the bar room floor, bumping into Anon, the unapproachable cool beauty of the town
  6392. > Countless mares have tried to woo him, but he ignored their subtle advances
  6393. > Rainbow despairs when Fluttershy fluffs her tuft at him
  6394. > "Hey big guy. Mr. Tall drink. Yeah, you."
  6395. > Anon raises a sophisticated eyebrow at her
  6396. > "Want some fug? I gotta lotta fug, right here, in my uh,"
  6397. > She shakes her flank a little
  6398. > "Caboose. How about it?"
  6399. > Rainbow can only this train wreck
  6401. > Be Anon
  6402. > That was adorable
  6403. > Is she hitting on you? 
  6404. > She's totally hitting on you
  6405. > Most of the time, you can't tell if ponies are just being polite, or if they are actually interested in what you have to say
  6406. > But not this cutie
  6407. "Yeah, sure. Let's fug."
  6408. > "Yay!"
  6409. > Adorable
  6415. I wish someone would do something with that. 
  6417. >Luna as the original reformed villain
  6418. >Trixie
  6419. >Sunset Shimmer
  6420. >Lightning Dust
  6421. >Suri Polomare 
  6422. >Chrysalis
  6423. >Starlight Glimmer
  6425. Most ponies would see it as a clusterfuck just waiting to violently explode.
  6427. >One day ponies hear mares shouting coming from Anon's house
  6428. >The argument pours out onto the streets of Ponyville as the mares tumble through the front door
  6429. >Ponies fear the worst, wondering what these super villains are capable of doing
  6430. >They're all just arguing about who gets to be carried by Anon from the bedroom to the kitchen that morning
  6436. >Anon in RGRE.
  6437. >Some mares think it's going to be just like the dirty fanfictions they read on /mlh/.
  6438. >Or wrote in Lyra's case.
  6439. >Others, like Twilight, are sure that he will act just like in her Neighponese comics.
  6440. >Because it also had humans in it. For reasons.
  6441. >Their collective faces of despair when Anon only considers them to be "cute" in a little puppy way.
  6442. >They initially take it that he is pure and not for sexual.
  6443. >Then he starts going after the giraffes and zebras.
  6444. >Suddenly "deporting immigrants" becomes the leading plea Celestia has to deal with during her audiences
  6449. >Starlight Glimmer is actually a stallion pretending to be mare so he'll be taken seriously
  6450. >Thinks his disguise is perfect, but it's obvious to everypony else who just humors him
  6451. >In comes Anon, who hasn't been around ponies long enough to be able to tell genders from a glance yet.
  6452. >They all just look like cute tiny horses to him
  6453. >Anon is attracted to Glimmer because 'she' acts more like the females he's used to on Earth
  6454. >Glimmer's face when Anon asks 'her' out on a date
  6455. >Anon is confused by all the encouragement to go for Glimmer from other mares
  6457. >Glimmer is afraid to refuse lest her """perfect""" cover gets blown.
  6458. >Decides to go with it and try to discourage him as much as possible.
  6459. >Twilight may or may not be spying on them
  6461. >All the mares want them to get it on because they think it's hot.
  6462. >Anon is happy to find a reasonable individual of opposite sex without knowing Glimmer's little secret. Also without knowing about the whole timeline hijack thing.
  6463. >Glimmer does not want, but is scared to admit to the disguise
  6464. >Other stallions think that it's either just weird or downright disgusting. None of them is happy to see that strange pair.
  6465. >But nobody cares about them since they are just colts and their opinion doesn't matter.
  6466. >How can Glimmer fuck up before Anon gets too far?
  6468. >He's into me, and nothing I've done tonight has discouraged him.
  6469. >If I call it off here, I'll be a mare refusing an eager stallion's dick. No mare would do that. >My disguise will be ruined, years of hard work gone, and I'm back to being just a silly colt.
  6470. >...
  6471. >Okay, I've got it. I don't have any other option. I can't ruin my disguise now.
  6472. >I'll go back with him, get a little frisky, tire him out, and sneak out.
  6473. >After that I'll act cold like it was a one-night stand.
  6474. >Everypony will still think I'm a marely mare. I'll just have to deal with an angry colt
  6475. >...I can't believe I'm going to do this.
  6476. >Come on Starlight, mare up.
  6477. >It's just one blowjob. Then he'll be spent and exhausted, and you can sneak out. You can handle this
  6479. >You are Anon
  6480. >And you can't help but notice that Glimglam has some very cock'nball-esque stuff going on around the crotchular region
  6481. >But you really don't want to say anything
  6482. >What if it turns out to be some kind of weird magical cancer?
  6483. >You don't want to have to go through another incident like that again
  6485. >Anon thinks Glimmyglam has ass cancer.
  6486. >He's nice to her. His dog died of ass cancer, so he knows how difficult it is.
  6487. >Is kinda an asshole to other pones though. They're just too fun to mess with.
  6488. >Glim thinks he's figured out her secret is is trying to support it
  6494. >Anon works as a secretary for a successful business mare
  6495. >The pay is amazing, but his boss is just like my 1950's american animes
  6496. >Keeps knocking things off her desk and asking him to bend over to pick them up
  6497. >Has never once said his actual name before; calls him "babe", "sweetheart", "honey", and other names like that
  6498. >Gives him a firm pat on the ass when he does well
  6499. >His christmas bonus is in the form of a new mixer
  6500. >Gets paid what amounts to $40,000 annually by doing a job that's piss-easy, and Anon thinks this is well worth getting slapped on the ass once in a while
  6504. >The pay is amazing, but his boss is just like my 1950's american animes
  6505. >Anon wears a tight pair of pants one day and Boss Pone's eyes bulge out with an "awoooooga" noise and proceed draw an Anon-shaped outline
  6506. >It's pretty gross
  6507. >Later that day, she drags Anon around town trying to convince everyone that her pet frog can sing
  6508. >At least once per week, someone in the office gets blown up by a big round bomb
  6510. >Bombs are big, round spheres that have a sparking fuse on the top of them
  6511. >Don't actually destroy anything when they explode; they only blacken the fur of the pony holding the bomb and moves their muzzle to the back of their head
  6512. >The muzzle is still functional and often spouts quips such as "This means war" while the pony looks wryly at the camera
  6515. Drown him!
  6516. >splashed with a bucket of water
  6517. Suffocate him!
  6518. >pie to the face
  6519. Bludgeon him to death!
  6520. >cascade of balloons
  6521. Shoot him!
  6522. >nerf gun
  6523. Poison him!
  6524. >type-2 diabeetus
  6526. >You pull a quarter out from behind Celestia's ear
  6527. >She stands stock still, staring at you with a primal fear, the telltale sign of having wet herself pooling around her hooves
  6529. >Basic card tricks elevate you to the status of some kind of demonic god.
  6530. >Ponies form a cult about you.
  6531. >Conspiracists talk about how you're actually a secret weapon of war made by the gryphons.
  6532. >You're able to get free food and goods via intimidating ponies by finding their card.
  6533. >One pony had a heart attack after you showed him his card was in his salad
  6535. >Trixie actually is Great and Powerful
  6536. >The only reason she was ran out of Ponyville was because she lied about taking on an Ursa
  6537. >Fibbing is a serious crime
  6539. >You wake up in the middle of the night to the sight of Luna's face, mere inches from your face
  6540. >"Reveal to me your secrets, human."
  6542. >anon is now Equestria's not evil version of Rasputin
  6543. >down to easily surviving mutiple, adorably pathetic assassination attempts
  6544. >cannot be killed
  6545. >cannot be sexually sated
  6546. >anon becomes Equestrian Lust Demon of Legend
  6548. >sent to dungeons for being a threat
  6549. >talks to a nervous guard, showing him his trick saying the antimagic field doesnt work on him
  6550. >convinces the guard that he's mind controlling him and the guard gives him the keys to the cell
  6551. >anon unlocks the door and walks out
  6553. "Got your nose!"
  6554. >Luna outright freaked, grabbing the star pillow out of the fucking sky and slamming it into you repeatedly like she was swatting at a roach with her slipper
  6556. >>anon is now Equestria's not evil version of Rasputin
  6557. >>down to easily surviving mutiple, adorably pathetic assassination attempts
  6559. >"I tried putting too much sugar into his tea and a whole extra teaspoon of salt into his pastries, but he didn't so much as scrunch up his nose! After that I snuggled with him in the bath so that he'd fall asleep and get all wrinkly, but he started washing my mane and I fell asleep halfway through instead."
  6566. >The Nightmare could not be purged from Luna by the Elements in the past
  6567. >They only had the power to banish it to the moon for a thousand years.
  6568. >Why then could they suddenly do what could not be done in the past?
  6570. >Luna was not trapped alone upon the moon for a thousand years.
  6571. >The Dreamweaver was with her.
  6573. >Helping her in her time of need
  6574. >Giving her the strength to resist the madness that had claimed her mind
  6576. >Countering the influence of the Nightmare
  6577. >Weakening it at every opportunity
  6578. >Feeding it bad ideas
  6580. >A thousand years of exile was a small price to pay in order to help one he loved
  6581. >Because his daughter needed him
  6584. >Anon returns from his time on the moon with no memory of what happened there, thinks he just went into magical hibernation or something
  6585. >Eventually the nightmare force returns with another host
  6586. >Wreaks havoc across Equestria for real this time
  6587. >It keeps making small mistakes screwing up here and there so that it doesn't end up capturing or hurting any ponies, just obliterating settlements, doesn't think much of it
  6588. >Blows open the doors to the throne room to confront Luna, Celestia and the mane 6
  6589. >It's empty except for Papanon
  6590. >"I know you..."
  6591. "Sorry...what?"
  6592. >"The Elements of Harmony tried everything to make me... reform. To slow me down. Finally, when nothing else worked, they cast an Intelligence Dampening Spell on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas to help preserve their precious princess during our time on the moon.
  6593. "No! Not listening! Not listening!"
  6594. >"But it wasn't a spell at all. It... was you. It was your voice."
  6595. "No! No! You're lying, you're lying!"
  6596. >"Yes. You're the tumor. You're not just a regular moron. You were designed to be a moron."
  6597. "I am not a moron!"
  6598. >"Yes, you are! You're the moron the Elements used to make me an idiot!"
  6606. >anon is turned into a stallion from one of moon dancer or twiggle's magical shenanigans
  6607. >becomes the paragon of stallion beauty and human manly man masculunity
  6608. >so much so he makes blueblood look like a leper
  6609. >but no matter what he still loves his girls
  6610. >countless supposedly "beautiful" mares try to get in his herd
  6611. >worse comes when other herds of mares try to take him away
  6612. >his mares are afraid he would just leave them, and why wouldnt he?
  6613. >he's probably most handsome stallion in the WHOLE of equestria and BEYOND
  6614. >surprises them further whenever a mare tries to show off in front of them anon gives the closest of his herd a big Smooch with tongue
  6615. >grabs their flanks
  6616. >generally saying
  6617. >see this? this is mine
  6618. >and i only want this
  6619. >herd cant even exclaim how happy they are
  6624. >Anon gets transformed into a horse
  6625. >He's a horse
  6626. >Neighs, tries to eat grass, and cannot communicate verbally or comprehend complex language because he is a horse
  6627. >Sometimes he bites ponies who get to close to him or touch certain parts of his body
  6632. >Anon arrives in Equestria and chills at Canterlot castle
  6633. >The Princesses are interested in learning about human culture (and also in finding a male that actually laughs at their off-colour sexist jokes), and Anon spends his time either interacting with them or learning about pony culture
  6634. >Ponies working in the castle aren't too hot on the idea of making friends with Anon since they've noticed how chummy he is with the Princesses.
  6635. >Who wants to shoot the shit with somebody who can tattle on you to goddesses who have the power to celestial bodies?
  6636. >Furthermore, who wants to offend somebody with such close connections to royalty?
  6637. >Celestia notices that Anon isn't making very many friends, so she looks to the tried and true method of sending him to Ponyville.
  6638. >Anon doesn't like the idea of relocation, but being the Princess trumps being not a Princess.
  6639. >Anon moves into an empty house and spends his time being a grump, which the local mare population finds adorable.
  6640. >"Oh, look! He's pouting again~"
  6641. >When the mane 6 learn that he was sent to live in Ponyville by orders of Princess Celestia, Twilight herself takes special interest in him.
  6642. >Anon refuses to tell them why the Princess sent him there, and makes up a new reason each time they ask.
  6643. >These range from "I ate the last slice of cake" to "I slapped Luna right on the vagina".
  6644. >To keep things interesting, Celestia herself poofs herself an illusory disguise of a normal pony and occasionally checks in on Anon, inevitably listening in to some of Anon's more risque or absurd reasons for his pseudo-banishment from the castle
  6645. something something friendship
  6646. something something rgre
  6647. something something anon and celestia probably fuck at some point
  6651. > "Hey pouty princess."
  6652. > Be Nightmare Moon in exile
  6653. > "You know what you should do?"
  6654. > You thought you could handle a millennium on your own moon
  6655. > "Write 'Celestia smells bad' on the moon."
  6656. > However, you are not the first to be banished this way
  6657. > "Ooh! Write that she molests her guards!"
  6658. > Who doesn't?
  6659. > Damn
  6660. > You were doing well at ignoring the insufferable idiot, but then he says something so dumb, you have to comment on it
  6661. > At least in your thoughts
  6662. > And he can be oddly persuasive
  6663. > "Hey, don't those rocks over there look like a dick?"
  6664. > ....
  6665. > You wouldn't be a mare if you didn't look
  6666. > Double damn, they do
  6667. > Well, you know what you are doing once you get your fellow exile to leave you alone
  6668. > "You should fuck 'em."
  6669. > ...
  6670. > Now that he says to do it, you would rather not
  6671. > Not until you are absolutely sure he isn't around to gloat
  6676. >>But that could be explained that they don't have any coin worth less than a bit, so one bit is the minimum something could be worth
  6678. >"Smaller... Than a bit?" Twilight asks, tilting her head to the side, "What do you mean?"
  6679. "See this apple?" You say, holding it up, "This apple costs one bit. You know what else costs one bit?"
  6680. >"What?"
  6681. "Half a bushel."
  6682. >Bookhorse looks confused
  6683. "Twilight, an individual apple should cost less than a bushel."
  6684. >Bookhorse sighs
  6685. >"Anon, I don't have time for this coltish whimsy. If you're trying to ask whether I think you're fat, the answer is no, so go ahead and eat that apple. Now if you'll excuse me, there's mare's work to do
  6687. > buy half bushel of apples for 1 bit
  6688. > sell each apple for 1 bit
  6689. >continue until the economy is fixed or destroyed
  6691. >Filthy Rich stares on in awe of this alien force of Capitalism
  6692. >Wonders how he can get DT and Anon together
  6695. >Anon tries to explain the concept to the M6.
  6696. >Fails to get it across.
  6697. >Looks to AJ (issue doesn't come up til he visits the market, so they're already there) and confirms with her that she feels both 1 bit per apple and 1 bit per bushel (say, of 25) are both a fair price for her family's hard work.
  6698. >Buys all 20 bushels for 20 bits.
  6699. >Makes cardboard sign to sell apples "Apples fresh from Sweet Apple Acres = 1 bit per Apple".
  6700. >By the end of the day he earns 377 bits (didn't sell all 500, but who cares) off the apples.
  6701. >Ponies marvel at genius of it all: "Who'd have thought a colt could make that much money so fast?"
  6702. >Ponies see it happen, understand that it worked exactly like the alien colt expected (as he is +350 bits richer with virtually no effort), but still can't figure out how it works or how to replicate it themselves in other markets without step-by-step instructions for each case
  6705. >anon only succeeds in getting the ponies to go full cargo cult
  6706. >sales that make no sense
  6707. >deals that leave the customer poorer
  6708. >none of them go broke, somehow
  6709. >but none of them get rich, either
  6710. >anon goes ahead with his own plans
  6711. >becomes an economic powerhouse and rich enough to rival the crown
  6712. >marries a businessmare who he thought loved her for who he was and not his money
  6713. >she tries to take him for all he's worth, so he divorces her
  6714. >marries some model instead of course it's fluttershy
  6715. >retires after decades of success, decides to write a book about it
  6716. >every line has > in front of it
  6717. >he calls it the art of the deal
  6721. >anon becomes master of coin for celestia 
  6722. >he is in charge of all foreign trade 
  6723. >in 10 years time equestria has enough money to buy the world and everyone in it
  6724. >it's all spent on cake the next year
  6730. >Morning comes
  6731. >NMM wakes up first
  6732. >Followed by anon and celestia to her screaming
  6733. >NMM calms down, but someone is still screaming
  6734. >Anon looks at who is screaming, and puts two and two together
  6735. "Well, shit, had no idea we would have a kid that fast"
  6736. >Anon looks at celestia and nmm
  6737. "So, do alicorns come out that big normally?"
  6738. >A look of horror on his face, he grabs NMM who is still stunned
  6740. >Still in to much shock to question what anon said, she checks her still tight as all hell hmd out
  6741. >Celestia is the first to crack up 
  6742. >After some long talks, many hugs, and seeing NMM turn a whole different color, much to your surprise, it was decided that you now have a 3 alicorn herd composed of the big spoon, the little spoon and your new blanket
  6749. >Anon constantly uses human phrases that centre around horses and equines just to see what ponies' reactions will be
  6750. >When he says "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse", ponies thankfully don't assume that he means that he wants to consume horse meat
  6751. >That leaves one thing he can do to a pony with his mouth that could be called "eating"
  6752. >Mares, being the chronic perverts that they are, always interpret his phrases to be sexual
  6758. > Doing lewd (by pony standards) things to Celestia
  6759. >"I c-can't believe we're c-cuddling... belly-to-belly style! I-I don't know if I can t-take much more of this~"
  6761. >Anon just wants to chill out and cuddle.
  6762. >He can't because ponies keep making crossed-eyes, twitching uncontrollably and dehydrating themselves everywhere every-time he touches them
  6764. >The princesses are the only ones with enough cuddle-stamina to be properly cuddled by him
  6765. >Anon gets to scratch their ears and rub his face in their tuft
  6772. >Anon is warned by his mare friends how bad estrus can be, but he ignores them because eh's a pretty cool guy who doesn't afraid of anything
  6773. >Mares roaming town find him and demand that he gives them sum fuk
  6774. >Anon is more than okay with this and he spends the next couple of hours fucking some mares
  6775. >As soon as heat week is over, Anon is branded a slut and has to deal with his reputation being destroyed
  6776. >Some folk don't take too kindly to his type
  6782. >Monogamy is illegal in Equestria, like polygamy is here
  6783. >Anon's waifu is confused and horrified when he tells her that he only loves her
  6785. I'd read a story about an illegal relationship Anon has with his ponewaifu. How they have to employ a friend to pretend like they are in a token herd, and live in the danger every day
  6787. >Princess Cadance and Shining Armor had a 'herd' made up of their various maids and guards, but public scrutiny forced them to leave Equestria
  6788. >In the Crystal Empire, herding is uncommon, and most ponies consider them backwards savages
  6789. >Even Celestia has been threatening economic sanctions if they refuse to outlaw certain barbarous cultural practices, like monogamy, and allowing stallions to hold dangerous jobs
  6794. >Monogamists flee en mass to the Crystal Empire to avoid persecution, including Anon and his waifu as well as the Cakes
  6795. >Anon gets pissed when he learns Celestia threatening economic sanctions and rallies the Crystal Ponies and former Equestrians against the Diarchy
  6796. "Crystal Ponies! For over a thousand years you were made slaves by Sombra, and now someone else seeks to control you again! To erase everything about your culture that makes it beautiful! Monogamists, this is the only place where you're allowed to live in peace! Do not let Equestria steal your FREEDOM!"
  6797. >Celestia soon receives a letter of the Crystal Empire's Secession from the rest of Equestria
  6805. >Anon is hanging out with poner
  6806. >They end up roughhousing
  6807. >She forgets for a moment that he's a sweet little colt that needs to be coddled and protected
  6808. >Cocks her back legs for a good buck to the gut
  6809. >Misses his gut
  6810. >Her blood runs ice cold as he screams in pain
  6811. >She just committed the greatest sin a mare can do
  6812. >She's ostracised by the everypony, and treated like a leper
  6813. >She sneaks past the protective mares trying to keep her away from his house to visit him
  6814. >While he holds an ice pack against his swollen balls, she tries to convince him to tell everyone that forceful testicular contact is a form of greeting on Earth
  6820. >The Equestrian military is mobilized to occupy the Crystal Empire
  6821. >Couples are split up, stallions are assigned to herds of royal guardsmares, while their mares are sent to reeducation camps
  6822. >Cadance and Shining Armor are turned to stone, and placed on opposite sides of the palace as an example
  6824. >Anon is one of said stallions assigned to herds of royal guardsmares
  6825. >Although it's less a herd and more to monitor him and keep him from being monogamous
  6826. >Anon isn't allowed to just break up with them, because obviously he'd go back to his waifu and be a filthy monogamist
  6827. >He mostly ignored his 'herd' and pretends they don't exist most of the time
  6828. >While they see him as a poor colt who's been brainwashed and needs to be shown what a real relationship is like 
  6829. >He refuses to break, not when he's lived under the doctrine of pic related for his entire life
  6831. >Anon organizes a males-only resistance movement
  6832. >Takes at least 30 minutes getting ready before going out
  6833. >Dinner is always slightly over or under cooked
  6834. >Always 'has a headache' when his mares want cuddles
  6836. >Anon has one picture collage that he keeps hidden from the mares
  6837. >Sitting at the bottom of a desk drawer, covered with random crap that he can easily move aside
  6838. >Looking at it keeps him strong
  6840. >Eventually, enough time passes that it is determined that Anon won't 'relapse' into monogamist behavior
  6841. >He's given the option to keep his forced herd as a real herd, but he declines every single one of them.
  6842. >He stays alone for a while, searching for his waifu
  6843. >He finds her, but the reeducation camps worked perfectly.
  6844. >She's a devout hater of monogamy now
  6845. >She refuses to even go near him unless he agrees to form a herd
  6847. >The mares of the Crystal Empire have been reeducated and turned into polygamists
  6848. >They underestimate stallion's intuition
  6849. >The stallionsof the Crystal Empire come together to form the biggest herd in history, made up solely of males, leaving the mares with only one option
  6850. >They join the herd, move in with their former monogamous partners, and live happily ever after
  6851. >Celestia's face when the entire Crystal Empire demands herding tax breaks
  6858. >Defined muscles are seen as coltish since biologically stallions are physically stronger than mares.
  6859. >Mares are supposed to have a small layer of fat over their muscles to make them softer for stallions
  6860. >Unicorns have it the worst since they have the smallest frames any fitness will quickly tone their muscles
  6861. >This is why Twilight and Rarity gorge themselves
  6862. >Their sleek defined bodies are marks of shame
  6863. >Pinkie on the other hand looks like a Roaman goddess
  6869. >"Anon's depression is obviously linked to gender dysphoria."
  6870. >"He says he feels emaresculated all the time!"
  6871. >"Poor Anon is just a mare trapped in a weird alien colt's body."
  6872. >"Are you even listening, Dash?"
  6873. >Dash is imagining Anon's colty look with a pussy instead of a dick
  6880. >You are Anon
  6881. >You are at the beach with royalty.
  6882. >You briefly wonder to yourself why the princesses even bother to wear those bikini bottoms since they never actually ever wear clothes under normal circumstances.
  6883. >It isn't until Luna peers at you over her sunglasses, winks, and then uses her magic to slowly peel the bottoms away from her puffy lips that you understand why
  6888. >Even with an alicorn metabolism, Twilight still has a bit of pudge on her behind. 
  6889. >She worries over your opinion constantly, because what male wants to be seen with a fatty? Being royalty can only keep a nice stallion around for so long...
  6890. >She has no idea you have to think unsexy thoughts while behind her to keep control of yourself.
  6891. >If you didn't, there would be nothing stopping you from tearing your pants off, hooking your arms around those tantalizing thighs, and smashing that ass until someone's pelvis breaks
  6898. >Anon arrives in Equestria
  6899. >Bon Bon wants to introduce him to Lyra, because she's a filthy, shut-in humaboo, and could really use a good fucking
  6900. >Lyra is out buying some oats or whatever, so Bon Bon offers him a seat and goes to make some tea while they wait for her
  6901. >He starts snooping immediately
  6902. >Finds Lyra's room
  6903. >MLH posters on the wall
  6904. >A cum-stained Anonymous™ daki sits on her unmade bed
  6905. >A collection of human dildos of varying sizes and colors sits on her nightstand alongside an industrial-size bottle of E-Z access anal lube
  6906. >Worst of all, she left her WIP fanfiction out in her desk
  6907. >"Bon Bon, is all of this yours?"
  6908. >...
  6909. >Lyra's her sis, and she really needs this...
  6910. "Yeah, heh, I'm kinda, you know, obsessed with humans..."
  6911. >Anon smiles
  6912. >"That's kinda hot."
  6913. >Anon's totally into Bon Bon now
  6914. >And Lyra's pissed
  6921. >Oral skills in a mare are highly sought after in the male population due to the number of mares who just plain don't like going down on a guy
  6922. >Anon had the same expectations back home and is eager to go down on his mares
  6923. >Doesn't have to be asked; doesn't only do it on special occasions
  6924. >Anon's marefriend brags that sometimes she wakes up to the sensation of cumming
  6929. >Rainbow is so sexually sensitive that just a single hand running over her wings can make her squeal like a loli in a pro-voiced hentai.
  6930. >Because of that, she's avoided getting a coltfriend for fear of his reaction and just told tall tales of her sexual exploits.
  6931. >She would seem like less of a mare if she had nothing to say... But she would also seem like less of a mare if anyone found out how quickly she bursts in bed.
  6932. >There's no good way to go about it.
  6933. >But someway, somehow, you and her end up together.
  6934. >And she can't delay moving further into the relationship anymore...
  6940. >AJ is sensitive about her posterior
  6941. >Earth Pony genetics, and a life of hard work, have given her childbearing hips and applebucking thighs
  6942. >And you can bounce a bit off her bountiful booty
  6943. >Only generous helpings of Granny's signature apple pie and country cooking, grant her a thin sheen of cushion over those powerful muscles.
  6945. >She gets embarrassed when Anon pays special attention to them, especially when her herdmates can see
  6951. >tfw "magic burns calories meme"
  6952. >tfw you're stuffing your gullet every day and can't gain a single kilo
  6953. >tfw you were your anatomy teacher's favorite pupil because you look like a bucking skeleton
  6954. >tfw you have to wear a thick sweater in all seasons because you're cold
  6957. >Once you were doing a job enchanting some custom gadgets for a friend.
  6958. >You were so engrossed in spellweaving that you forgot to eat for five days and fainted going down the stairs.
  6959. >Good luck that your friend decided to show up at the exact same time and tended to you.
  6960. >Your bruises were visible through the fur for days.
  6961. >Ponies thought that somebody jumped you in a dark alley, or that you got into a fight over etching methods.
  6962. >You don't correct them
  6964. >Anon insists on staying to keep an eye on her and to make sure she eats
  6965. >An intense week-long study session/personal project turns into laying on the couch together, eating pizza and watching horsemovies
  6970. >The only stallions that you talk to are shopkeepers. Talked. None of local ones even bother smiling at you anymore. It's not like you react anyway.
  6972. >The only ponies that know when your birthday is are government officials. You don't tell anypony. If they don't know - they can't forget it.
  6974. >A fellow craftspony, another enchantress like you and your occasional competitor, went to some kind of drunken orgy in another town while in heat. Came back pregnant, and recently gave birth to a filly.
  6975. >She is a herdless mother. She doesn't even know who the father is. 
  6976. >She even invited you to move in together. What, share her misery?
  6977. >She is not supposed to look so bucking happy. This is what losers do. Losers should suffer.
  6978. >She is not supposed to.
  6980. >Shit shit shit your sweater tore
  6981. >It was your last sweater. You were putting off buying a new one for too long.
  6982. >You have the money, you are rolling in dosh, you earn a lot and spend bucking nothing!
  6983. >But you had just one bucking sweater!
  6984. >Saved yourself a lot of trouble here, not going to the seamstress!
  6986. >Come on Moonie, you're a magister of magic, you should be able to repair some dumb fabric!
  6987. >As you try to mend the torn threads, new tears open up here and there.
  6988. >You try harder, and the material disintegrates.
  6990. >You can't go outside without it. Everyone will see
  6996. >Diamond Dog attacks suddenly increase in severity 
  6997. >Instead of mugging or ponynapping lone ponies ,Equestrian guard posts are overrun with highly organized groups of highly armed and weirdly armored dogs
  6998. >Villages that were usually raided are now captured and extensively looted
  6999. >When confronted militarily, the dogs proved to be a force to be reckoned with
  7000. >the goatherd intel indicated that the clans of various breeds are now united under one banner
  7001. >they now have ranks and specialized occupations that even included mages which was strange since there was no recorded use of magic by a diamond dog
  7002. >But the most interesting thing is that each and every dog was a male
  7003. >With no sighting of the top bitches who led the clans, a credence have been given to rumor that the dog are being led by an overgrown dog who calls himself "Big boss"
  7011. >be morning in Equestria
  7012. >be so early in the morning that most ponies would call it yesterday
  7013. >be also Applejack, and be more comfortable then you have been in your entire life
  7014. >yesterday you found Anon in his bed, mumbling something incoherently
  7015. >being the good kind mare you are you went to check up on the poor colt when all of a sudden he grabbed you, seemingly still asleep.
  7016. >like some sort of weird horror story, his grip on you was like iron, you couldn't break it as he pulled you into his bed and under his covers
  7017. >so now here you are, trapped by a stallion of all things like a little filly, snuggled up to his chest as his little spoon.
  7018. >its sooo emaresculating....but it feels soooooo nice.
  7019. >you don't know what hes gonna do when he wakes up, you've prepared yourself for the worst
  7020. >until then though...you are just gonna enjoy the comfort.
  7027. >You and the adorable flying wizard alien horse sit across from each other. 
  7028. >You call her an "alicorn" because "winged unicorn" sounds dumb. As a personal name, you just call her Purple due to the color of her plush coat and the fact that you don’t yet know the words that make up her name.
  7029. >...Now that you think about it, technically YOU'RE the alien since this is their planet. 
  7030. >It makes sense that Purple, a local leader and scholar, would be so willing to take you in since you're a lost alien.
  7031. >Fuck Gemilk Fab and their shitty bargain cruisers. Only they could fuck up a slipdrive so hard that it rockets you to the space-boonies with no way back. 
  7032. >Anyway, you and Purple had just gotten done with a grooming ritual involving her tidying your hair with her mouth and giving you a partial tongue bath.
  7033. >In return, you had helped her straighten the feathers of her wings and brushed her mane and tail, much to her delight.
  7034. >At first, you had wondered what the significance was with the actions, but you were able to observe what looked like family units of females centered around a male and close friends of either sex performing the same actions. It also seemed that these equine creatures are much more touch tolerant than humans, easing your worry.
  7035. >Purple's gaggle of friends performed the same actions with each other, and tried to include you when they could.
  7036. >It warmed your heart that Purple and her troop trusted you so.
  7037. >Now if only you could get their goddamned language down, you would be set.
  7038. >The written script was actually simple and logical, but jesus the spoken word...
  7039. >They can talk, sing, whistle, mewl, purr, yelp, yip, chirp, coo, whine, neigh, whinny, and make other sounds.
  7040. >And it's in ALL their language.
  7041. >Meanwhile your host simply can't wrap her pretty little head around English.
  7042. >She can't make all the sounds needed to speak it, and the clusterfuck of grammar rules and odd spelling often leave her frustrated.
  7043. >Like now.
  7044. >You sigh and reach over the table to cup Purple's cheeks, surprising her and pulling her attention from the english primer you and her have been working on.
  7045. “Do you want take a rest? You have been focused on that paper for a long time,” you ask in english, trying to keep your speech as proper as you can.
  7046. >Her brows furrow. “****, I ***** a ***** ***** will not hurt,” she replies in her trilling and melodic language. 
  7047. >You only catch half of that, but understand that she accepted when she hops over the table and gladly settles in your lap. 
  7048. >The small equine fits just right as she presses herself to your form and murmurs words too low to hear.
  7049. >Purple’s face burns red when she boldly reaches up and places a kiss on the bottom of your chin and retreats just as quick.
  7050. >Once again, you get the odd feeling that you’re being groomed to become a mate... 
  7051. >Odd little creatures these are.
  7057. >You are Twilight, and you are embarrassed
  7058. >It turns out the alien who crash-landed near Ponyville is actually intelligent
  7059. >And a very nice stallion, too
  7060. >He even forgave you for locking him in a pen with a water dish and feeding him raw meat!
  7061. >"Anyone else would've done the same," He told you
  7062. >All it took was forgetting a pen and paper close to his cage, and he wrote out a message asking for some barbecue sauce to go with his meals
  7063. >You're just glad you didn't send any of your research on the 'strange alien animal' to Princess Celestia, or you'd never hear the end of it
  7066. >So maybe those 'savage howls' were actually panicked shouts as you dragged a frightened stallion back home
  7067. >And the constant 'grunts and growls' he made when you were near his cage was just him trying to communicate
  7068. >Thankfully, you realized the designs he drew in your notebook weren't random scribbles, but a system of writing
  7069. >Two hours of intense study later, you were back with a bottle of Applejack's homemade honey-and-garlic barbecue sauce
  7070. >... And the key to his cage, of course
  7077. >Princess Cadence has decided to take on her first student
  7078. >Anonymous may not be a pony, and he may be a bit socially awkward (just like a certain purple pony she used to foalsit)
  7079. >But deep down he is a veritable well of love just waiting to be set free
  7080. >He just needs a guiding hoof to help him adapt to this strange new land he has found himself in
  7081. >And in time, he will be able to manage herd dynamics and counsel others on their relationship problems just like his mentor
  7082. >And she'll be able to learn his secret recipe for the best peetzer in the world
  7084. >Cadence thinks Anon is a well of love
  7085. >In actuality his demeanor isn't him being afraid to love he's just legitimately a bitter guy
  7086. >or he has nothing but lustful thoughts on his mind about the ponies at all times, but holds them back because the cute innocence of the ponies makes him conflicted
  7088. >Anonymous has to send love reports to his new mentor Princess Cadence.
  7089. >If he fails to provide them she comes and investigates why he stopped.
  7090. >Usually eating all his snacks in the process.
  7091. >Most of the time he just pretends the lyrics to one of the songs on his phone are actually a deep insight on the nature of love that he has thought up
  7092. >They are not.
  7093. >They are just song lyrics that he has copied down.
  7094. >Anon is sometimes tasked with solving love problems by Cadence.
  7095. >Things that require the delicate touch of a stallion.
  7096. >Like showing the new dragon ambassador around town.
  7097. >Which he interprets as "Show her where the whorehouse is and tell the stallions there it's on the royal tab." due to it being a love problem.
  7098. >Cadence is pleased with his grasp of politics
  7103. > Celestia sends out a call for a Speaker for the Dead regarding Sombra
  7104. > Anon answers the call and begins his investigations
  7105. > Talking to the ponies that knew Sombra
  7106. > The princesses, Discord
  7107. > Searching for anything Sombra left behind in the crystal empire
  7108. > Ponders what drives a pony to hate, and the allure of power
  7109. > All the while, crystal mares are propositioning him
  7110. > "Hey, wanna see your dick through my body?"
  7116. >Bunny suit
  7117. >Be Anon in Equestria
  7118. >You were at halloween to celebrate zombie jesus.
  7119. >Naturally you dressed in a bunny suit.
  7120. >Everything was going swell until that last house on the block.
  7121. >You know, the creepy looking one on the corner where the principal of the local school lives.
  7122. >You rang the doorbell and were greeted by a horse.
  7123. "Trick or treat."
  7124. >"I think I'll treat myself, come inside."
  7125. >The horse tugged you inside by your crotch.
  7126. "Where's the candy though?"
  7127. >"If you want something sweet to lick I've got something even better."
  7128. >As she said that the door locked shut behind you by some unknown force.
  7129. >At about this point you understood two things.
  7130. >One: This horse was trying to sex you up.
  7131. >And two: She had no candy.
  7132. >Pappa didn't raise no fool, you're not getting molested by some pervert who doesn't have so much as a jelly bean.
  7134. >You screamed as loud as you could and ran.
  7135. >The door was locked, so you ran through the house hoping to find some way to escape.
  7136. >Remember your training. Use the back door.
  7137. >You made a mad rush for the rear exit.
  7138. >And soon got cornered in a bathroom because you were unfamiliar with the layout of the house.
  7139. >The white winged horned horse closed the distance between you.
  7140. >"Don't be scared, I just want to have a little fun together."
  7141. "No, stay back!"
  7142. >rape
  7149. >It's the end of the season for rock farming, and the Pie sisters decide to have some fun
  7150. >They go to a shady little hole in the wall where they can get some cheap thrills
  7151. >The waiters are all colts dressed in slutty little bunny outfits, and you're allowed to touch as much as you want
  7152. >In fact, if they don't say thank you, you can tell their manager and they'll get in trouble
  7153. >Everything is shaping up to be a fun-filled, lecherous--
  7154. >Oh, fuck, Anon works here
  7155. >Limestone's crush
  7156. >And he's waiting their table
  7157. >She fails to convince Anon to go home and find another job
  7158. >After stewing in anger and alcohol, she decides to devote the rest of the evening to 'protecting' him
  7159. >It doesn't last long, as they're all thrown out after she hurled a champagne flute at a mare who fondled his balls
  7165. >You are anon and you are dealing with yet more show offs
  7166. >These vapid horse creatures, you refuse to call these things ponies, will not just fuck off
  7167. >Trying to have a nice meal with you herd
  7168. >And that's when you got an idea
  7169. >You give the hand signal to huddle up
  7170. "So, I never asked this and I'm sorry I'm going to, so which one of you is technically the ugliest one?"
  7171. >One of the ponies backs out of the conversation fast so you assume
  7172. "Ah, is if flur? she is a bit weird shaped for a pony"
  7173. >At this a number of the mares laugh
  7174. "NOT saying you are ugly to me, or weird, just differently shaped... wow this topic cannot be broached easily"
  7176. >Be flur de lis momentarily
  7177. >This is the first time in your life that someone said you were ugly
  7178. >Well, assumed you were ugly
  7179. >He really is unable to tell is he
  7180. >you shake your head
  7181. "Honey, I'm a literal super model... Haven't you seen me on magazines?
  7182. >He looks stunned
  7183. >"How it the fuck did I get a super model?"
  7184. >He realizes you asked a question and snaps out of his question
  7185. >"You ever do a pinup for O&O monthly, or the weekly hyperspace pamphlets?"
  7186. >You smile and shake your head
  7187. "No, and for the record, that's how you got me"
  7189. >You are anon again
  7190. >You feel a tugging at your sleeve
  7191. >Its moondancer
  7192. >Her adorable turtleneck
  7193. >The nerdy glasses
  7194. >The blush of embarrassment
  7195. >"That would probably be me"
  7196. >And the look of 'I just admitted a hard fact, fuck my life' 
  7197. >Well... good thing she is right next to you
  7198. >You put a hand under the table
  7199. >"...And we would be FAR more suitable to be yours then..."
  7200. >Everyone is cut off by a rather loud hiiiii from moondance
  7201. >Suddenly the pony who is the 'ugliest at the table goes from embarrassed, to sad, to embrace and a different color
  7202. "Well, go on, keep telling me why you are better"
  7203. >They look to each other and are about to continue and are about to speak
  7204. >Moondancer cant hold it in any more, lets out a throaty moan, and splotches on the floor
  7205. >The few creatures in your herd that didn't know what was going on, know damn well what just happened
  7206. >Moondancer has a look of embarrassment, and satisfaction
  7207. "AWE yea, new record, 7 seconds"
  7208. >2 and 2 have been added in the mares looking ot herd with you, and they came out with 5
  7209. >"You only lasted 7 seconds?"
  7210. >You reply excitedly, not noticing moony shrink back a bit
  7211. "I know right, you have any idea how fun it is to fuck her stupid?"
  7212. >You reach down and start fingering both holes, much to moonies reluctance
  7213. >This time all the ponies around you know what's going on
  7214. >"How could a mare last shorter then her stallion, that's pathetic"
  7215. "Who cares?"
  7216. >Everyone around just looks at you, probably a ton of fast cumming mares are hinged on your words
  7217. "Its not like you become un fuckable when you cum, unlike a normal stallion who may not get it up again that day"
  7218. >About to say something they are interrupted by number 2 from moony. 
  7219. >And her head is down on the table, tongue loling out
  7220. "Look at that face, that satisfied look..."
  7221. >All eyes are on moony, who is riding it out sucking your finger with surprising force with both her her marehood and anus. 
  7222. "Welp, it was a wonderful lunch. flur dear, can you stay back and pay, moonies in no real condition to walk so I'm taking her home. when you get back we can start working off all the food we ate the best way we know how."
  7223. >She smiles and nods her head
  7224. >You pick up a very messy moondancer, and for the first time show the mares what you were doing as your hand is still 3 fingers in one hole with your thumb on the slightly to large button. 
  7225. >A little motion of the thumb gets winking and sucking action going, 
  7226. >You walk out, enterage ent tail, ready for a very fun afternoon.
  7228. >Be show off pony
  7229. >This is the moment
  7230. >Right here
  7231. >That you know celestia died and a changeling took over her place. 
  7232. >Yes for this to happen, celestia is dead.
  7240. >Anon and Twilight are talking about interdimensional shit
  7241. >It occurs to them that most dimensions seem to share common counterparts
  7242. >They use the map to find Anon's pony counterpart and track him down to sate their curiosity
  7243. >Anonpone turns out to be the softest, most coltish, most fuccboiest stallion that ever lived
  7244. >Anon is violently disappointed
  7245. >He decides to mold Anonpone into a rough and tumble, pussy-grabbing man's man in hopes of redeeming his ancestral lineage
  7246. >Dadanon didn't raise no faggot
  7247. >Even if Dadanon is a theoretically a horse in this scenario
  7248. >Anonpone agrees
  7249. >...Only because he thinks Anon's cute, and he thinks he has a shot with him
  7255. >"Please, Anon, could you do this little thing for me?"
  7256. "No! I'm sorry, babe, but it's not happening. I'm not doing it."
  7257. >"Oh, come on! Why not?"
  7258. "Because I don't want to."
  7259. >"Why?"
  7260. "Because... Because it's fucking gay, alright?"
  7261. >"What are you talking about? There's nothing gay about it at all, it's a perfectly normal thing for a stallion to do. And I just know you'd look great!"
  7262. "Yeah, well, it'd be gay back where I come from."
  7263. >"And where are we now?"
  7264. "...In Equestria."
  7265. >"Exactly! Look, Anon, I won't ask you to do this everyday. Just today, since it's my birthday? 
  7266. "I don't know..."
  7267. >"Pleeease?"
  7268. "...Fine."
  7269. >"Yes!"
  7270. "But you'll have to do something for me later, okay?"
  7271. >"Sure, that's fair.I'll go get the makeup."
  7278. >Anon has an all unicorn herd
  7279. >Hornjob during every rut
  7280. >Sucking at least 4 horns nightly
  7281. >Swallows like a fucking champ
  7282. >Magic builds up over time
  7283. >Becomes a wizard
  7284. >Gets robe and hat
  7285. >Making spells left and right
  7286. >Makes a spell that lets him hopefully impregnate his mares
  7287. >Works, duh
  7288. >Named his first daughter after the Equestrian sun, Celestia
  7289. >His second after Earth's moon, Luna
  7290. >His third after her grandmare, Crystal
  7291. >And his only son after his best bro, Tirek
  7292. >Gets lost in time experimenting with chronomancy
  7293. >Each of his kids react badly
  7294. >Celestia pours herself into her work to the point that she ignores her family to the point of abandonment
  7295. >Luna allows grief and misery to consume her to the point that it was easy to be possessed 
  7296. >Crystal begins to steal the love of others to fill the hole her father's disappearance left
  7297. >Tirek sucks magic with abandon in hopes that once he has enough he can find his papa, not realizing that using the shortcut of dark magic makes him forget his motivation and alters his appearance.
  7298. >Anon shows up in current day Equestria
  7299. >He has a lot of stern talking to's to hand out.
  7300. >Right after tearful hugs
  7301. >And mourned wives
  7309. >Anon and Twilight get frisky
  7310. >He ends up trying to suck her horn
  7311. >She's surprised, but she's absolutely loving it
  7312. >Her horn has a wonderful, sweet flavor, so he's loving it too
  7313. >After a while, the flavor fades, and he pulls off her
  7314. >She's lost all of her color, and she can't do any magic
  7315. >His stomach is glowing with a soft lavender light from swallowing like a gentlecolt
  7316. >Twilight heads to her library to find out what's going on and figure out how to undo it
  7317. >While he waits, Rarity stops by to see Twilight
  7318. >Anon can't help himself
  7319. >Soon, Rarity is panting in post-horngasmic bliss as her magic mixes with Twilight's in Anon's gut
  7320. >Anon's addicted to the sweet, salty taste of magijaculate
  7321. >A depowered Twilight and Rarity have to hunt Anon down before he drains all the unicorns in Ponyville
  7322. >Like the thirsty little slut he is
  7323. >Also, he'll probably explode or something, but whatever
  7329. >Rarity want's Anon to dress up and get his makeup game on
  7331. >Anon decides to go full Goth
  7332. >Black lipstick, eyeliner, eye shadow, fingernail polish, whatever the fuck it is that makes you look even paler than usual, big fuckoff boots, top hat, fishnet sleeves, leather duster, black 3-piece suit, complete with umbrella to ward off the daystar.
  7334. >Rarity starts worrying about whether Anon has suddenly decided to try to court Princess Luna
  7340. >Anon is an engineer of some talent from earth
  7341. >Makes a scant living creating bits and bobs that use electricity and other 'otherwordly' marvels for pones to enjoy
  7342. >Anon frequently talks about feats of engineering from his world, but pones off the street are skeptical of his knowledge because they haven't seen it before and otherworldly and colts and 'muh sexism'
  7343. >Innocently but ruefully lets slip one day about arguably humanity's most powerful feat of engineering known to his history, and its most terrible; bombs, devices that have the power to destroy countries and grant the wielders unreasonable amounts of power, especially should others not have the same power at their disposal
  7344. >More importantly, he lets slip that science isn't nearly as picky about who has the power as magic is, and that anyone could create them as long as they knew how
  7345. >And, when questioned, admits that even HE could do it, given some time and the proper supplies, even if he would never do so willingly
  7346. >News travels fast, both to Celestia and less kind ears
  7347. >Possible ponewiafus and Celestia are pulled into a subtle conflict in which they must protect 'The Pure Alien Pre-Husbando Who Knew Too Much' from the forces of darkness (and those who simply can't use magic) in their shadowy desire to forcibly change the balance of power in the world in their favor
  7348. >They know that if Anon is successfully captured or isolated at any time then those responsible would no doubt be less than squeamish about forcing the information out of him 
  7349. >By any means necessary
  7350. >But probably >rape 
  7351. >That's not even considering the heavy burden it would place on his kind and loving head should he be forced to become the alien progenitor of a super weapon that would threaten untold lives in the wrong hooves
  7352. >Operation 'Protect his smile and in doing so also probably save the world' is a go
  7353. >Romance!
  7354. >RGRE!
  7355. >Overly complicated plot!
  7356. >Suspense!
  7357. >Action!
  7363. >Anon and Twilight both grew up as nerds
  7364. >Blahblah Anon ends up in RGRE
  7365. >Anon and Twilight fall for each other
  7366. >Get married
  7367. >Fuck (a lot)
  7368. >Have two kids
  7369. >Now there's a split between them and their parenting style
  7370. >Twilight accepts her past and tries to groom her children in her own image, having them stay inside and read books while being picky with their friends
  7371. >Anon rejects his past and forces his kids outside in hopes of making his kids into Chad and Stacey
  7372. >Twilight is understandably peeved
  7373. >They argue
  7374. >Fight (a lot)
  7375. >Anon employs his new gender role powers by telling her she'll get the couch if she doesn't go his way
  7376. >Tried as she might to be a strong parent, Twilight couldn't win against the cock
  7377. >Nobody can beat the cock.
  7378. >Not the cock.
  7379. >Can't beat the cock, man.
  7380. >Nope.
  7384. >Anon has a colt and a filly.
  7385. >He's awfully proud of them.
  7386. >When son comes in with a black eye crying while his daughter comes in right after scuffed up looking.
  7387. >Anon feels oddly mixed about it but he's more focused on making sure his kids are fine.
  7388. >Next time it's his daughter coming in with tears in her eyes, but then not long after his son comes back with the other colts that had been picking fun on his sister's looks who apologize while shooting his son scared looks.
  7389. >Anon can't be prouder, why because his kids are looking out for each other and he couldn't be prouder.
  7390. >Now if his son winds up sucking dick instead of clit he might get peeved at Twilight.
  7391. >Fucking reverse gender role bullshit...
  7400. >Anon learns about all the bullshit that happened recently.
  7401. >After the talking to's and the punishments handed out. He decided to hold a grand family dinner.
  7402. >Anon is happy to have a large family.
  7403. >Celestia, Luna ,Chrysalis, Cadence, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, Spike,Blueblood and Tirek in one table.
  7404. >They immediately snipe at each other. Anon perseveres and tries to make it work.
  7405. >It escalates into a shouting match and NMM is coaxed out because of the magical energy and the negative emotions.She joins the fray with her horn charged with magic.
  7406. >Anon gets fed up, gets his slipper and slap NMM so hard she separates from Luna and forms a new body of her own.
  7407. >"Y-YOU DAR-"
  7408. >"Sit down and eat or Im going to slap you so hard you'll turn in to the 7th element of harmony."
  7409. >"Y-Yes Daddy."
  7410. >"Well It seems I have a new darling daughter. We'll discuss how you'll fit in and your punishment for turning Luna against your big sister."
  7411. >"I-I understand Daddy."
  7412. >"Please pass the Salt. Hon"
  7413. >Something something RGRE.
  7415. >Tirek and Discord were both Anon's sons
  7416. >They'd always gotten along
  7417. >Discord could understand Celly and Lulu turning on him, he antagonized them, they antagonized back, and so it went
  7418. >Brothers and sisters are just natural enemies like that
  7420. >But Tirek?
  7421. >His one and only Bro?
  7422. >That was a betrayal that really stung
  7425. >All of Anon's direct offspring and descendants fear the wrath of The Slipper
  7426. >It is a weapon surpassing the Elements of Harmony in its power
  7427. >Even those who have never been on The Slipper's business end instinctually fear it's sting
  7428. >Chrysalis tries to conquer Equestria again?
  7429. >Anon uses The Slipper, and she turns into pic related
  7430. >Tirek tries to steal everyone's magic again?
  7431. >Anon uses The Slipper, and Tirek gets the dark magic literally smacked out of him 
  7432. >Even people who aren't related to Anon get The Slipper
  7433. >Starlight learns right away why messing with time is a bad idea
  7434. >Because Anon will be there, and he will use The Slipper on the offender while giving them a lecture about not fucking with the timeline
  7436. >"Starlight don't do this!"
  7437. >"Why wouldn't I, Twilight? I will travel back in time and break your friendships apart before they begin!"
  7438. >"...If you do that, you'll create another timeline and destroy Equestria!"
  7439. "You figured that out yourself? You truly are Celestia's darling student."
  7440. >"Starlight, if you make another timelines, you also cause another Slipper to come into existence."
  7441. >"... I... ...maybe this can be resolved another way? Preferably without the existence of Probable Slippers?"
  7445. >The Crystal Empire and Equestria are going to have a final clash with Chrysalis' hordes.
  7446. >Before the first lines crash into each other.
  7447. >NMM's magic signiture could be seen and felt. A dark rift opens.
  7448. >They expected NMM to come through and join the festivities, Seeking to feed from the dark emotions in the battleground.
  7449. >Anon steps from the portal wearing his bathrobe with a very sleepy and grumpy look on his face.
  7450. >"See Daddy, They're going to war. Oh no since the changelings are Crystal's children, that makes them your GRANDCHILDREN. Looks like you're going to need TWO slippers for this."
  7451. >Each armies immediately sends envoys waving a white flag into the middle of the clearing.
  7452. >"G-good Morning Grandfather Anonymous. Queen Chrysalis would like to declare the start of the peacetalks and signing of the treaty."
  7453. >"Y-Yes the Changeling Envoy is right. Th-this is just a ceremonial showing of..uh. strength. I mean laying down of Arms. Like P-princess Celestia Instructed. 
  7454. >"Tell dear Chryssi and Celly this. You have until lunch to settle this. No Cakes for 2 weeks, No servants/drones to do chores for a month and they are to report to Princess Sparkle in Ponyville for friendship Lessons."
  7455. >Anonymous shambles towards the dark rift while NMM flashes the armies with a massive finger in the sky
  7467. >Anon has not found his groove in Equestria
  7468. >months after winding up in a new world with no way home, his attempts to integrate and make his way keep running up against the horsey notions of what a stallion is and isn't capable of
  7469. >with no applicable skill set to the level of technology they have, his immediate option would be manual labor, which most mares are reluctant to if not outright refuse to let him do
  7470. >scraping by week to week, the ponies keep telling him he should try to get a job in a kitchen
  7471. >one problem: his ability to cook begins and ends with a mighty struggle to not become bored when something is on the stove and forget it long enough that it burns
  7472. >kicking his can down the road one afternoon, he watches some unicorns assembling a building with magic
  7473. >and then the epiphany
  7474. >magic is complete bullshit
  7475. >therefore, bullshit must be magic
  7476. >and he knows just how to apply it to the culinary trade
  7477. >calling upon a childhood filled with Dahl, he musters the spirit of Willy Wonka and slaps together some nonsense in a crockpot that was three parts sugar, two parts random rubbish, and six parts puns that made only half-sense
  7478. >lo and behold, he concocts the most insane but amazing candies seen in generations
  7480. >Bon Bon has been in a rut, romance-wise
  7481. >she's fairly picky, wanting to hold out for a stallion that has as much passion for the confectionary arts as she does
  7482. >the pickings are pretty slim out in Ponyville though, with them either being married already like Mr. Cake or a bit light in the fetlocks like Caramel
  7483. >soon word spreads of the wonderdiffilus candies being produced by the town's resident charity case
  7484. >ever the critic of others in the craft, she tries a gummy everlasting ponut
  7485. >itsfullofstars.apng
  7486. >she was going to get that human to love her, oh yes she was.
  7488. >meanwhile, a certain pink pony is going increasingly crazy, unable to determine the composition of these incredible human treats even with the the help of the Sense
  7489. >*slugworth intensifies*
  7495. >Slutty Anon lays it on thick
  7496. >Like thicker than Twilight's flank thick
  7497. >He flirts with any mare he sees and does everything he can to rile them up
  7498. >When it comes down to it he wont sleep with them though
  7499. >He teases them with the idea and then yanks it away
  7500. >He doesn't do it because he is cruel
  7501. >He does it because he is into that sweet sweet >rape
  7507. >Anon is a stuntman
  7508. >He is fully prepared to be on fire walk, and fall, remain on fire for a few moments, and be put out. 
  7509. >Once lit, He barely sees anything due to a blinding light, but knows the path he has to go and follows it
  7511. >Be celestia
  7512. >Be the most tedious day of the year
  7513. >Bucking grand galloping galla
  7514. >You look to your left
  7515. >You can see the cake right bucking there, and NO ONE is eating it
  7516. >It could ALL be yours, but NO
  7517. >Bucking meet and greets 
  7518. >to your right a blinding light
  7519. >Seconds later, some ponies are rushing in screaming, 
  7520. >An orange glow
  7521. >Something is on fire and walking in, leaving a trail of fiery hoof steps behind it. 
  7522. >Is it ok? 
  7523. >You panic a bit and magic up water just as it falls
  7524. >You hope its ok
  7526. >3
  7527. >2
  7528. >1
  7529. >Ok now the fire crew should be rushing tward you to put you out
  7530. >And on cue, you feel something hit you
  7531. >Not on cue its heavy and you could swear its a massive amount of water
  7532. >The fuck?
  7533. >You look up and are able to see, no on fire
  7534. >You stand up and check everywhere
  7535. >Still no fire
  7536. >Sigh of relief, you look around
  7537. >Hundreds of mini and 2 normal horses are looking at you
  7538. >all pastel
  7540. >Be celeistia
  7541. >Ok, now you get to do something and not sit here greeting ponies
  7542. >"God dammit I fucking died didn't I"
  7543. >Well, 'do you speak equestrian' is off the list of questions, 
  7544. >Easily the best GGG in years. 
  7551. >You are Rainbow Dash, and you are browsing a big dumb fancy Canterlot jewelry store.
  7552. >You and your coltfriend, Anon, have gotten pretty serious.
  7553. >You've found yourself working hard so that you can get home to him as fast as possible.
  7554. >You actually enjoy waking up before noon on your days off since it leads to an hour or two of lazing around in bed, cuddling with Anon.
  7555. >You've even caught yourself watching Mrs. and Mr. Cake playing with their foals one day and were surprised at that pang of longing you felt in your chest.
  7556. >He just makes you so happy.
  7557. >You think it's time to pop the question to Anon.
  7558. >You wish that you had thought to ask Twilight what she had found out about human courting rituals, because you have no idea what kind of expensive piece of crap to give to Anon.
  7559. >You've looked at pendants; necklaces; horn-rings; bracelets...
  7560. >Dammit, and you'd learned to take a deep breath and think things through, too!
  7561. >You'd gotten into a big fight with Anon because of some stupid thing you did, all because you made a split-second decision and bucked up in a way that could have been avoided if you had just sat down and thought about it.
  7562. >"Miss?"
  7563. >A nice salescolt waves you over.
  7564. >"Maybe I can be of assistance. Is your mate an earth pony, a pegasus, or a unicorn?"
  7565. >UHHHH
  7566. >.....maybe you can just present Anon with a primary feather.
  7567. >Bastards love primary feathers
  7572. >Before coming to equestria Anon had been seeing vocal coach for most of his young life
  7573. >Before he could start putting his talents to work he was popped into equestria, stopping any career in music he might have had short
  7574. >A few years pass, he makes friends, gets a simple job
  7575. >Bit of recluse on account of how different he is culturally and physically from literally any neighbor he could have on the planet
  7576. >Friends understand but still worry
  7577. >The gentle and caring husbando thing is really popular, but he's never going to get a wife if he doesn't apply himself 
  7578. >The topic of cutie marks and special talents comes up among his friends
  7579. >They ask him if he ever felt like a pony does about a singular passion in their life, if he ever felt like he had a special talent
  7580. >Anon mentions his budding singing career way back when
  7581. >Friends encourage him
  7582. >Anon declines out of worry, both from how he might be judged in the limelight and how long it's been since he last seriously sang
  7583. >They push a little more
  7584. >He admits that he still practices a little in his spare time when he's all alone
  7585. >Friendpones are all set, but Anon still isn't very sure
  7586. >Big party coming up, friends encourage Anon to perform
  7587. >He's not sure, but they're VERY sure
  7588. >He decides to do it, if only to acknowledge their trust in him
  7589. >Big day comes
  7590. >Friendpones set the stage for Anon, impressing upon the fact that this was his first real performance 
  7591. >Anon comes out on stage, stiff as a board, does little more than name the song before the music starts through the speakers
  7592. >Audience finds his vulnerability cute and endearing, they drop their guard and ready themselves to offer 'you tried' kudos at the very least
  7593. >Big mistake
  7594. >Music is soulful with just a bit of energy
  7595. >Anxious wallflower sings a saucy-smooth romance song in perfect tune to the music, the themes of loyalty, love, and vague allusions to sex common to the genre cropping up frequently
  7596. >Audience is stunned, and Anon starts to get into things a little more
  7597. >Dat chocolate voice
  7598. >Dat shoulder jive
  7599. >Dat hip rock
  7600. >Dat shoulder jive
  7601. >Anon has drawn the entirety of party to his location
  7602. >Mares take the risk of their foals asking dangerous questions later on about certain cryptic lyrics in an effort to stay and listen
  7603. >The song ends, Anon loses his nerve from the silence
  7604. >Thanks them for listening in his usual reserved, quiet voice
  7605. >As the human is swarmed with instant fans and would-be talent scouts, mostly maresfriendpones are now consumed with worry over what they've just unleashed on their quiet male friend
  7606. >Music scene is already imploding with the entrance of a massive talent and what is essentially a new genre of music to equestria
  7607. >Colts and teen stallions everywhere listen to the song(s) on repeat 
  7608. >Most fillies do too, but they aren't as publicly enthusiastic about it
  7609. >Older Stallions worried over the messages the song conveys, 'think of the children' and etc
  7610. >Full grown mares with jobs and firm community reputations all over the continent have that 'special' record that they keep away from the mister and the kids and play when they aren't around
  7611. >Sometimes they work up the courage to play it for their significant others
  7612. >But only when the kids are out
  7613. >It's common to hear Anon's music muffled behind closed doors and drawn curtains
  7614. >In such occasions the owners never respond to knocking
  7621. >Mares like stallions with a little extra padding on them. More mass to pad the ass, etc.
  7622. >Anon tries to lose weight, but is thwarted at every turn by mares wanting him to stay thicc.
  7623. >Namely, sneaking him pastries when he's trying to stay vigilant against carbs, giving him bad weight loss tips, etc.
  7624. >/fit/ mares try to make him a trophy horsebando
  7630. >Anon has spent far too long in RGRE poneland.
  7631. >He now accepts that he is no longer the macho man he used to be, but the cute exotic husbando who isn't noticed by [Insert Pone], leaving him heartbroken.
  7632. >Drawing from half forgotten memories, he starts to act like a specific character archetype from his Korean cartoons.
  7633. >A shiny knife is all Anon needs.
  7634. > [Insert Pone] Never saw it coming
  7641. >Aaah, the beach
  7642. >The sun, the surf, the warm sand
  7643. >It's a 'saddle-less' beach, so... maybe you'll even go buckwild and remove your shirt so you can finally get a tan and stop blinding pones with your pastiness
  7644. >And, even though your friends wanted to setup camp with you and hang out and rub some cream on your back
  7645. >The threat of wandering hooves and innuendo is too much
  7646. >especially when you get enough of that at home
  7647. >So, you bid them aeiou and moonwalked to a nice, cozy, empty spot
  7648. >Or. It was.
  7649. >>29713052 #
  7650. >"Ooooh! Oh! H-hi!"
  7651. >Sighing softly you sit up from your towel, your sunglasses falling slightly down the bridge of your nose
  7652. "...yes?"
  7653. >"U-um. A-are you... uh-"
  7654. >You wait, a neutral expression on your face
  7655. >This is the first time you've seen a native seapony, afterall, so...who knows what she'll sa-
  7656. >"A-are you th-thrasing around in panic? C-cause I wanna eat you. WAIT-"
  7657. >The seapony stamps her hooves in the sand
  7658. >You raise your eyebrow
  7659. >"I mean, you look deliciou-Nnn~" She looks up at you, scrunching furiously
  7660. >Neutral expression, Anon
  7661. >"I. Swim. Saw you on beach."
  7662. >Oh we've gone full caveman here
  7663. >"I like you. Do you wanna swim together? I promise I won't drag you under - I haven't done that to anypony in days!"
  7664. >She looks at you with super hopeful and super earnest eyes
  7665. >Yeah... that's the look of a pony who is totally serious about that achievement
  7666. >You purse your lips
  7667. >"...I know where some pretty conch shells are!"
  7668. >Damn these cute horses
  7669. >You pat the sand next to you, and she tilts her head
  7670. "I'm resting right now, but... you're welcome to join me."
  7671. >Doing a tiny happy dance she trots over to you, circling the spot you indicated and sitting down with a heavy *thwump*
  7672. >Her solid-muscle tail slamming into your hips
  7673. >You wheeze softly and she smiles
  7674. >But... you can tell an accident when you see one
  7675. >So, smiling in return, you lay back down and close your eyes
  7676. >The sound of the surf fills your mind
  7677. >. . .
  7678. >"So whatcha thinkin' bout?"
  7679. >Damnit
  7687. >Only virgins and princesses can see humans
  7688. >Princesses are virgins by default
  7689. >No matter how much sex they have they are still virgins
  7690. >Because magic
  7691. >It's probably because virginiation can't figure out how to work with a race that is like three or more other ones at once
  7692. >This means discord is also a virgin by default too
  7693. >The purest incarnation of stallionly whimsy.
  7694. >Of course he's a pure as snow virgin.
  7695. >Even if he gets fussy if you say that
  7703. Anon and Harshwhinny work in the same office.
  7704. Harshwhinny acts like a bitch when around Anon.
  7705. One day, Anon overhears a conversation.
  7706. >"The office is a mare's place, Neat File. Stallions won't be able to take the stress."
  7707. "Oh she wants to play? Two can play this game.
  7708. Start one upping each other.
  7709. Competition for company projects become vicious.
  7710. He works to the bone to prove himself.
  7712. It's been two years now.
  7713. He's a valued head of department, just like Harshwhinny.
  7714. That does nothing for him.
  7715. He works to see the look on her face when she loses to him.
  7716. Every contract given to him is another victory.
  7717. Every contract lost to her only spurs him to work harder.
  7718. Lost a contract to her today.
  7719. It's 9 already
  7720. Preparing to go back.
  7721. Harshwhinny is still there.
  7722. Looks like she's working over that contract.
  7723. She has serious bags under her eyes.
  7724. When was the last time she actually had a decent night of sleep?
  7725. Has she been eating well?
  7726. Has she been eating anything at all?
  7727. You yawn.
  7728. None of your business anyway
  7729. At least you can go to bed earlier, so suck on that harshbutt.
  7730. Walk down the street, preparing to hail a cab.
  7731. See the café down the street.
  7732. It must be hard working this late.
  7733. Some coffee really helps with the sleepiness.
  7734. Plus their bagels are really good too.
  7735. And being tired and hungry really fucks with your cognitive processes.
  7736. If Harshwhinny fucks up, the project fails.
  7737. If the project fails, the company loses trust.
  7738. If the company loses trust, they loses contracts.
  7739. Losing contracts means the company will go bankrupt.
  7740. That's why he's bringing this bag if coffee and bagels up.
  7741. Because he needs this job.
  7742. He's doing this to keep his job
  7743. Walks over to Harshwhinny's desk, it's empty.
  7744. Must be using the toilet or something.
  7745. Leave the bag behind.
  7747. A few days later,
  7748. Working on the sports event contract.
  7749. >"Add ramps bro"
  7750. >"Brofist!!"
  7751. >"Nohomo, bro"
  7752. Fucking jocks.
  7753. Leaves to get a glass of water, cool off while he's at it.
  7754. Comes back, sees a cup of coffee left on the table.
  7755. Who could it be?
  7760. Anon goes to the band practice room to play his guitar for free time. The main 6/7 arrive a few minutes after and start watching him. They criticize him thinking men can't play anything but lovey acoustic songs. Then they hear him playing power chords
  7767. >Anonpone has never been a human.
  7768. >She's just a humie (Adult fan of a certain cartoon about humans written for young colts).
  7769. >Anonpone writes stories on /mlh/ and is autistic.
  7770. >Anon in Humania thread, where an anonymous pony somehow in human land is the focus.
  7771. >>Bill Clinton fucks up a saxaphone rehersal and summons Ponon into Humania.
  7772. >>Ponon is taken to meet President Trump.
  7773. >>Goes on an adventure with Bill and his friends to stop the evil Premier Putin.
  7774. >Anonpone gets too into self-inserting when reading her redtext stories.
  7775. >Her autism levels get too high and the madness takes her.
  7776. >Maybe buys a crossbow and does a Shin.
  7777. >Maybe only turns against her childhood friends Brad Lee and Stacy Lacey.
  7778. >Tragedy end.
  7781. >Anonpone and friends must travel to the Canadian Empire in the frozen north to defeat the evil King Trudeau, and place Maxime Bernier on his rightful throne
  7783. >Hillary Clinton rises from her tomb, kidnaps Anonpone's husbando, and flees into the wastes of California
  7785. >Anonpone's stories of great tabletop battles are mistaken for actual military experience. When the wicked Queen Merkel invades the United Queendom, Anonpone is given command of a battalion on the front lines.
  7787. >Anonpone is caught in a romantic triangle between Bill Clinton, General Mattis, and President Trump, and she must teach them the wonders of herding (and colt-on-colt action... unf)
  7789. >Earth has reversed gender roles due to a massive gender imbalance
  7790. >Anonpone resolves to fix this by bearing as many children as possible
  7791. >They're all females and all extremely marely like herself
  7792. >Soon, human stallions are consigned to the kitchen while mares take charge
  7794. >President Trump sends Anonpone to meet Elon Musky, and teach him the magic of friendship
  7795. >He's a cute, nerdy stallion with a love of big phallic rockets and a slight hygiene problem
  7796. >She helps him make friends while simultaneously working on a reusable Mars rover
  7797. >They fall in love and have like 15 foals i dunno
  7799. >Anonpone is kidnapped by King Trudeau and his Liberal army
  7800. >Liberals are a terrifying, insectoid race capable of changing shape and blending in with any crowd, bent on stealing the love and prosperity of average Canadians
  7801. >She gives him the V and tempers his fury, turning him into the perfect submissive husbando
  7803. >Anonpone has mare friends, but it's so weird hanging out with them
  7804. >All they talk about is clothes, makeup, their shitty husbands who won't let them dip into the rent to buy a new pair of shoes
  7805. >One day, she calls them out on their bullshit like the marely mare she is, and all the human stallions clap, knowing that at least one female is on their side
  7813. >Milfanon in RGRE
  7814. >Ara ara and Ufufufu's~ around
  7815. >No one can stand against the oppressive might of her Ara's and Ufu's~ 
  7816. >Even Button Mash' nuclear hot mom succumbed .
  7817. >Such is her might that even Princess Celestia and the Griffon King called her mom in the middle of border negotiations.
  7818. >Something something RGRE
  7825. >Anon just got the hang of pony body language, and feels confident enough to go on a couple practice dates just as a feeler
  7826. >What started as a blind date with a professional judge turned into something more
  7827. >And no, he still can't figure out ponies' age unless they're actually a foal or Granny Smith
  7828. >Hey, the fur hides the wrinkles, and magic botox is very effective!
  7831. >Mrs. Harshwhinny is actually younger than he mane 6
  7832. >Her parents made it very clear that she had to succeed in life (Equestrian version of the typical "go to college, get a degree, or you'll work 3 jobs at walmart and mcdonalds and you'll be absolutely miserable for the rest of your god-forsaken life" speech), so she dresses up and tries to act as "professional" as possible
  7833. >Figures that looking older and experienced will make her more respected and successful
  7834. >Is desperately afraid of failure
  7840. > /mlh/ redtext
  7841. > Oblivious Eponymous drinks the significantly advanced magic hemlock
  7842. > Wakes up in Moscow
  7843. > For some reason all the human males get a little vanilla ice cream on the crotch of their pants when she trots by
  7844. > Epon asks some passing guards for directions to Putin's office
  7845. > They are very helpful, if a bit in a hurry
  7846. > They keep on swatting her flank to get her to go faster
  7847. > When they get to Putin, he tells the guards to leave them
  7848. > He walks around his desk with a sway in his hips
  7849. > "Epon, my last horse died a long time ago, leaving a hole I thought could never be filled. But with you, perhaps you can fill that hole for me, and I..."
  7850. > He walks behind her and lifts her tail
  7851. > "I can fill this hole for you."
  7852. > Monogamous good end
  7858. >Anon is carrying a hogtied Princess Celestia through a crystal maze.
  7859. >"Anon, I know we agreed to pay you a pretty sum if you managed to draw out and capture Sombra but is this really necessary?" 
  7860. Yes Princess Celestia. Now, now I know it's strange. But If my hunch is correct this lost art will guarantee that shitter's capture.
  7861. >Anon lifts her butt up and gets the egg vibrator.
  7862. >"A-Anon what's that!"
  7863. >An hour of sexy princess moaning and sexual stimulation later. Sombra can be seen shambling towards the Princess and Anon, A dazed look in his eyes and an erection.
  7864. See Princess. Im a fucking genius. Now let's find- Ah there.
  7865. >Anon gets a decently sized rock and bashes Sombra on the head. Repeats it 3 times after Sombra got knocked out for good measure.
  7866. >Celestia just lies and stares there in a post orgasamic haze. 
  7867. >Anon signals the containment team on their location. 
  7868. [QUEST CLEARED​]
  7872. >It's Anon's birthday
  7873. >Being an alien from a different world/universe (and the only one of his kind to boot), Anon is a mild celebrity in Ponyville
  7874. >Pinkie throws him a party that brings in dozens of ponies, if they are available
  7875. >Some of his presents include recipes, useful knick knacks and gadgets, and the occasional coupon given by a business-owning party-goer
  7876. >Nearly half of the presents are sexy underwear designed to emphasize and show off one's package
  7880. >Ponies constantly harrass Anon for being fully clothed
  7881. >It's lewd and shit
  7882. >Teat twist - Anon ain't no fat fuck and has GOOD PHYSIQUE
  7883. >A lone pony once sneaks up on him while he is naked and sees everything
  7884. >she sees it all
  7885. >a rumour starts that Anon is'nt actually lewd.
  7886. >his chiseled body simply MUST be hidden, or mares can't contain themselves
  7890. >Anon wakes up in the middle of the night
  7891. >There's a pony on his chest
  7892. >She broke into his house and is rubbing herself all over Anon
  7893. >It's a mix between lewds and cuddles
  7894. >"Scratch my back harder, Anon!"
  7895. >"Rub my eeaarrsss~"
  7896. >"B-boop my snootle, Anon, please! Do it, you snuggle-slut!"
  7897. >Cuddles up against him when he's done
  7898. >"A-And if you tell anypony what I did, I'll rub your face against my chest tuft!"
  7903. >Bon Bon tries to keep up the act of not liking Anon despite their frequent encounters
  7905. >"Oh, no! Anon, don't join me for a nice candlelit dinner! Oh gosh, I just don't know if I could handle it if you let me gaze into your eyes. Please, don't wear this necklace that has my cutie mark on it, that would just be the worst~"
  7907. >"Don't move in with me, Anon! You monster, I just hope you don't think to sleep in the same bed with me each night and hold me tight. Please, the last thing I want is to wake up and lose myself in those sleepy eyes of yours..."
  7914. > “Um… Anon?”
  7915. > Glancing over the rim of your book, you see Twilight fidgeting in place, looking nervously at the ground.
  7916. > “I-um, I have a question, and since you’re a stal- a good friend!” she corrects, “I’d really like your input on this.”
  7917. “Sure thing, Twilight. What’s up?”, you ask, sitting up from the hammock, and giving her your undivided attention.
  7918. > “Well, it’s um… about... It’s about…“ She begins, but quickly stops again, drawing circles in the ground with her left hoof.
  7919. > Her feathers on her wings ruffle in what could only be described as anxiety.
  7920. “What is it, Twi?”, you prod again, getting a bit nervous yourself at the prospect of what kind of question has the newest princess fumbling in place.
  7921. > Twilight draws in a deep breath, visibly steadying herself. She looks you in the eye.
  7922. > “Anon, ever since my ascendance, I’ve been wondering this question. I can’t find any mentions of it in any books, or scrolls. I’ve sent letters to Princess Celestia about this as well, but she hasn’t answered yet.”
  7923. > “I’m at the e-ends of my wits, Anonymous.”, She stammers.
  7924. > Now downright fearful of an unseen side effect of her new powers, you quickly kneel down in front of her, placing both your hands on her shoulders and look at her.
  7925. “Twilight, I want you to be clear with me here, what’s going on?”, you ask.
  7926. > “Anon… Anon, are my teats too big?”, she finishes, lips quivering
  7927. > You open your mouth to answer, but before you can, Twilight rambles on.
  7928. > “Don’t stallions, um, guys, hate big teats?” She plops her butt on the ground, tears running down her face.
  7929. > “Sure, I expected some growths, my horn and height mainly, but nothing like this!” she rants.
  7930. “Twilight,”, you sigh, “Let me have a look at them”, you say, placing your hands beneath her front hooves, lifting her up.
  7931. > She whinnies, and squirms, but you hold steady.
  7932. > Now, you had been in Equstria for some time now, and you had seen your fair share of horse-bits, but nothing like this.
  7933. > Big, bountiful, perfectly shaped forms hanged from above her crotch. A soft dark-purple teat adorning each like a testament to the sheer excellence that was those knockers.
  7934. > Carefully, you prod one, feeling the gently give of this manifestation of matriarchal evolution.
  7935. > Despite their size, no imperfections were to be seen. No imbalances, twists or other physical defects smeared these godly globes. 
  7936. > Momma-Non, your son is coming home.
  7937. “Twilight…”
  7938. > “I knooooow, they’re hideous. I-I’ll go into exile. An abomination like me is not fit to rule,” she sobs.
  7939. “Twilight…”
  7940. > “I’ll rescind immediately, Princess C-Celestia would understand, I’m su-...”
  7941. “Twilight, I would motorboat those puppies across the pacific and back again a happy man.”
  7942. > “H-Huh?”
  7943. And that’s how Twilight learned that Anon was a Titty-man.
  7948. >Anon meets a mare from another pony country (either by going there himself or by having the mare visit Ponyville)
  7949. >Mare speaks Prench/Itailian/Germane/whatever
  7950. >Mare is smitten with Anon and, in a gesture of both romance and practicality, makes it her mission to learn Equish so that she may try and woo him
  7951. >something something RGRE
  7955. >Anon is a character from a fanfiction
  7956. >Literally
  7957. >A standard magical catastrophe occurs, causing a character from Twilight's terrible fanfics to come to life
  7958. >He's so confused when opportunity and friendship don't fall into his lap like they did back home
  7959. >And the female attention he's been getting is much less innocent and fun than what he's used to
  7961. >"Hey Twilight, what's up with this world? Why are ponies so cold?"
  7962. "What do you mean?"
  7963. >"Well, it's like, back home, friends came so easily. I met Incognito at work, we were best friends in like a week. My buddy Nameless, we struck up a conversation on a train and were friends ever since."
  7964. >"But when I try talking to the mares and colts at work, they never seem to respond the same way. And when I help somepony with directions, or help them carry something heavy, it's like we don't bond at all! Do you know what's going on around here?"
  7971. >Be anon sitting at your computer
  7972. >You are enjoying your rpg
  7973. >Character you made yourself
  7974. >You chose the stats
  7975. >You chose the weapons
  7976. >None of this 'your class cant use this item' shit
  7977. >You wanted to make a wizard who used a sword as a wand
  7978. >Who's catch phrase was 'what are you a faggot' when he saw other wizards in robes while he was clad in plate armor decorated in bones of his greatest kills
  7979. >You spend the last 5 hours power gaming the system
  7980. >Maxing stats, then drinking potions that pushed you well beyond the max
  7981. >You are going to drink a 5 second lasting potion the moment you are 1 handing your two handed sword at an enemy that will boost all stats to an asinine degree
  7982. >Your computer, try as she will, is shitting the bed with all the stats you are tossing at it. 
  7983. >You swing your sword
  7984. >You finish the potion,
  7985. >Just as you hit the enemy, the screen goes black
  7986. >There is a loud crack
  7987. >It takes all of 2 seconds for you to realize what happened
  7988. >She done gave up the ghost
  7990. >You were so busy unplugging The Dream that you never noticed the blue ball erupt from it. 
  7993. >Be twilight sparkle
  7994. >You have been awake for the last 3 days trying to figure out this equation
  7995. >It should pull in the single great source of knowledge in the universe or at least open up a portal to it.
  7996. >You Think you have it right
  7997. >No time like the present, you begin casting it, and nothing
  7998. >Buck, there goes that theory
  7999. >You turn around to look at your work
  8000. >You notice a blue light 
  8001. >For the briefest moment you get excited
  8003. >Upon hearing that you stumble, smash your horn on the way down, and are out cold
  8011. >Plot twist
  8012. >Erf is just future Equestria
  8013. >Anonpone is driving along the beach on her automocart.
  8014. >Comes across something unexpected and stops.
  8015. >"Oh my Celestia."
  8016. >"I'm back."
  8017. >"I'm home."
  8018. >Anonpone steps out of her buggy onto the moist beach sand to get a clearer view.
  8019. >She has to be sure of what she's looking at.
  8020. >She walks closer.
  8021. >"All that time it was..."
  8022. >It's what it looked like. It's not an illusion.
  8023. >"You maniacs! You blew it up!"
  8024. >It's the ruins of Princess Twilight's Seaside Summer Fun Beachside Castle Playset, which has clearly been abandoned for many years.
  8025. >It's unmistakeable. The towering skeleton of the statue of Twilight is holding aloft what's left of its lighthouse scepter.
  8026. >"Celestia damn you!"
  8027. >Anonpone collapses to the ground in anguish.
  8028. >She knows now that her whole world is gone.
  8029. >She can never go back.
  8030. >Trapped forever in this backwards world of talking monkeys. A mockery of everything she knew.
  8031. >"Celestia damn you to Tartarus!"
  8038. >You are anon
  8039. >You are in the party of twilight and friends
  8040. >You were suppose to have some fun in old ruins
  8041. >Turns out the person who pissed in everyone's cornflakes is there. 
  8042. >First time seeing her, not nearly as scary as you have been lead to believe
  8043. >"Your reign of terror will end now chrysalis"
  8044. >You are a bit new to this world, not being able to see the super villain showdowns...
  8045. >This should be good
  8046. >However all this is put on hold the moment that chrysalis hisses and sticks her tough out to do so. 
  8047. "WHOH whoh whoh whoh whoh whoh whoh, hold the up.
  8048. >Everyone kind of stops and looks at you. 
  8049. "Can you stick your tongue out like that again?"
  8050. >Everyone seems confused, but everyone is shocked enough to humor you
  8051. >The bug butt probably more so that you are male and don't have fear.
  8052. >Her tongue comes out
  8053. >Its slimey, you see strands of thick saliva string form one section to another
  8054. "Wow, ok... One more thing. How prehensile is it? how much control do you have?"
  8055. >Like clockwork she goes about showing you her dexterity buy spelling out her name, by making it longer and thinner
  8056. "You are able to change size and shape of it along with control?"
  8057. >Its seems like she is having fun putting on a show, with her wavy tongue now cycling shape, size along with showing off control at once. 
  8058. "How in the actual fuck are you love starved?"
  8059. >She is taken aback by the question not quite knowing 
  8060. >"But anon she is a monster"
  8061. >You just look up at rainbow dash... 
  8062. "Bitch, your mail has fallen down to my house more then once. wonderbolts vs timberwolves ring any bells?"
  8063. >And the wings got stiff
  8064. >Rainbow earth pony mode engage
  8065. >"Its not natural"
  8066. "Apul, I twisted my arm a few weeks back and was in the room next to you, what did they shout at you 'how many times does an apple need to get stuck for you to learn?"
  8067. >Rarity seems to be thinking along the same lines as you, but flutters looks left out
  8068. "And flutterbutt, I have seen what you DRAW, you really need to inform your friends what that tongue can do"
  8069. >Everyone looks over at 'notfluttershy'
  8070. >She cant shrink anymore even if she had magic
  8071. >So you look back toward buggy over there
  8072. "So, and I don't do this for just any mare, want to be my wife?"
  8073. >And everyone is silent, only applefucker and chrystalis know you aren't joking right away. 
  8074. >After twiggles realizes you aren't joking
  8075. >"But you were suppose to be my husbondo"
  8076. >Immediately reeling back because she said something cringey out loud, you nod. 
  8077. "Correction, chrysalis, want to join a herd?"
  8079. >You look down at the kids
  8080. "And that is how your mom and I met"
  8081. >One of applejacks kids looks through an albume
  8082. "Why is mama bug bottom's mouth on mama apples bottom"
  8083. >The kids are a bit young, but they all look at you wanting
  8084. "Old habits die hard, some cramping, and being literally tongue tied, or as I like to call it, the most humiliating moment of chrysalises life"
  8085. >You get ready for a long one
  8086. "It all happened when applejack came back from the doctor yet again..."
  8094. >the conflict between ponies and changelings has escalated into full-on War
  8095. >the first war Equestria has fought in over 200 years
  8096. >none of that silly marshmallow war stuff either, ponies are actually dying
  8097. >ponies are too used to peacetime, and changeling stealth abilities mean the war basically being fought from within Equestria
  8098. >changeling paranoia spreads throughout the land
  8099. >the Royal Guard is mostly ceremonial eye candy, so Equestria hasn't had a proper army in centuries
  8100. >most mares don't want to sign up, so Celestia is forced to institute a draft 
  8101. >the only way out of the draft without leaving the country is for a mare to be pregnant when her name is called
  8102. >Equestria experiences a population boom as draft dodgers hurry to get pregnant
  8103. >Anon's female horse friends beg him to knock them up so they don't have to fight
  8107. >Crystal war timeline
  8108. >Just when it seems Sombra might win large swathes of his army start disappearing
  8109. >Specifically the mares
  8110. >Sombra is baffled
  8111. >He thought that the magical helmet he forced his army to wear gave hi complete control over their actions. Desertion is impossible
  8112. >He doesn't know about the divine power of the hot monkey dick
  8113. >Anon literally fucks his army into exhaustion
  8120. >Twilight writes stories and submits them onto the magical internet for ponies to read
  8121. >Finds someone to proofread for her (she's pretty bad at writing)
  8122. >That somebody is Anon
  8123. >Twilight naturally assumes he's a mare (there are no colts on the magical internet)
  8124. >Anon casually corrects Twilight on her poorly-written sex scenes
  8125. >"That's not how testicles work"
  8126. >"I'm pretty sure stallions don't cum a whole litre each time"
  8127. >"No, semen won't taste like your favourite fruit drink. No, I cannot confirm that. Stop calling me a dyke, Twilight."
  8128. >Decide to meet up in public at some kind of function
  8129. >Twilight's face when she realizes that she's been submitting written porn to a male this entire time
  8135. >There's a pony equivalent to Curves
  8136. >Anon gets a membership thinking it's just some weight loss program
  8137. >It's actually a full-on gym filled with hardcore weightlifters
  8138. >It's the only time most stallions are completely away from mares, so they use weightlifting to work out their anger
  8146. >When you herd with one pony, it's generally considered that you herd with all of her sisters/house-mates ala A Brother's Prices due to the scarcity of males
  8147. >Anon did not know this until he started getting pretty serious with one of the flower sisters
  8153. >Prince Scorpan was meant to be the heir to the throne of the Human Kingdom
  8154. >But after one or five too many drinks at a recent Gala and the series of poor and embarrassing decisions that followed, his inheritance was to go to one of his siblings instead
  8155. >In fact, his parents have arranged for him to marry Princess Luna of Equestria to help seal the deal on a treaty
  8156. >His only value now is as a gift
  8157. >Knowing Equestria's backwards views on gender, he would be little more than a concubine
  8158. >Not exactly a fitting end for his political ambitions
  8159. >As much as he wanted to just leave the Kingdom for a while and pop back in when his dear old Dad finally died to claim his throne, doing so would violate their treaty with Equestria
  8160. >The first of it's kind in nearly a thousand years
  8161. >As he ponders his difficult position, he looks out the window of his carriage and pauses
  8162. >That peasant looks sort of like him...
  8163. >A smile spreads across his face
  8164. >He probably wouldn't mind living like royalty for the rest of his life
  8165. >And knowing these unwashed plebians, he probably already fucks animals
  8166. >Yes this might just work
  8172. >Anon can never be killed permanently
  8173. >He is eternal, like Discord
  8174. >Kill him, and he'll be back later
  8175. >How much later depends on how well you killed him, and how lazy he is
  8176. >Go full Rasputin on him, and it might take him a century to pull himself back together.
  8177. >But he'll always be back
  8184. >Whenever something strange happens in Ponyville (so at least once a week), wherever you are, you'll find your mares running up and crowding around you in a panic.
  8185. >When you've managed to calm them down, they'll claim they we're surrounding you for your own protection.
  8186. >They needed to be between you and whatever /it/ was
  8187. >Who knows what dastardly dangers you might have suffered if they weren't around to protect you?
  8188. >Sometimes you think they've managed to convince themselves that it's true
  8190. >Then something truly out of the ordinary happens
  8191. >The Flower Sisters find their normally fearless stallion, who could face down a bunny stampede without flinching, shaking in terrror
  8192. >Now it's their turn to be brave
  8197. >Anon works the apple stall for Applejack
  8198. >Applejack encourages him to wear something that shows his junk off so that he can attract more customers
  8199. >Tells him there's a bushel of apples put aside for him to eat slowly and erotically while maintaining eye contact
  8200. >Suggests that he can "sweeten the deal" for certain mares and ensure that they'll be back for more apples later by taking the final apple that they purchase and rub it against his junk before he loads it into their basket
  8207. >Spike and [insert pony who likes anon] are buttblasted that Anon and Rarity are filthy monos (both -gamous and -sexual, the fucking degenerates) and plot to sabotage their relationship that usually backfire due to Rarity being the RGR equivalent of a prissy fag and Anon not being RGR at all
  8215. >Girls flash their tits to boys that they're interested in, like how a bird will display its feathers
  8216. >Works on Anon every time
  8218. >wearing an article of clothing belonging to your significant other (a hoodie, a scarf, etc) is a sign of affection and intimacy IRL
  8219. >in RGREqG, Anon's girlfriend would want him to wear a hat or a scarf that belonged to her so that he gets her scent all over him an it tells other girls that he's off the market
  8221. >They stole Anon's hoodies
  8222. >All of them
  8224. >"Girls, please, I'm so cold."
  8225. >Meanwhile, Rarity is huffing Anon's scent like there's no tomorrow
  8227. >Anon complains he's cold becuase they stole all his sweaters
  8228. >Instead of giving them back, they just crowd around him
  8230. Like the flower sisters.
  8232. >Some loud shout in the halls spooks them
  8233. >They all jump into your arms Scooby-Doo style
  8234. >"G-Gosh, Anon! You s-sure are cold!"
  8241. >Kidanon arrives in Equestria
  8242. >The ponies all think he's adorable
  8243. >However, Twilight is troubled
  8244. >She's conducted interviews with him, and he seems to have some strange and alien ideas about how the world is supposed to work
  8245. >Makes sense, seeing as he's from a strange and alien world
  8246. >However, since he has no real hope of returning to that world, he's going to have to learn how things work here
  8247. >The Mane 6 form a sort of psuedo-herd together to raise Anon right
  8248. >After a few years of raising by the girls and growing up with his new 'sisters' Sweetie, Applebloom, and Scootaloo, they just know he'll turn out to be the perfect little gentlecolt
  8255. >>You'd mark him with your scents so that other girls would know to fuck off
  8256. I like this idea in general.
  8258. >Anon goes out in public after a roll in the hay with his marefriend
  8259. >Thirsty mares approach him, stop 10 feet away, and walk away looking dejected.
  8260. >Some of the more aggressive mares still try to make the moves on him (pegasi show off their wings; unicorns create a light show as a demonstration of their magical power; earth ponies turn around, hike their tails up, and present in order to show off their firm asses and plump pussy lips
  8261. >Cue Anon's angry marefriend making an appearance
  8267. >Anon is in a herd with whothefuckever
  8268. >The mane six
  8269. >Going down into the basement to get a shovel 
  8270. >Bashes his toe once he gets to the bottom
  8271. >Curse, groan, carry on, but he hears a noise behind him and turns to find that Applejack is standing near the top of the stairs looking at him
  8272. >You can see Rarity's little white hooves several steps above her, blocked by the next floor
  8273. >"Y'all alright, sweetheart? What happened?" the country pony asks.
  8274. >"Oh, uh, nothing. Stubbed my toe." he replies
  8275. >Anon smiles and AJ smiles back, almost looking relieved
  8276. >"Alrighty, you be careful down here, now."
  8278. >Anon is cooking
  8279. >Has to reach over the stove to fiddle with the timer
  8280. >Oil spits
  8281. >Instinctual 'ow', curses
  8282. >Feels eyes on him, turns toward the table to find that Twilight has dropped the top of her newspaper to look at him
  8283. >Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy have stopped talking, instead turning toward him and doing the same
  8284. >Gives them a little smile, a little wave
  8285. >They ease up and mimic him
  8287. >Helping out at Sweet Apple Acres
  8288. >Anon has gone into the barn to get the spare paint cans in the loft
  8289. >Slips a little on the ladder, narrowly manages to land on his feet
  8290. >Several paint cans fall, a few brooms and pitchforks fall onto their sides making noise
  8291. >Anon groans, looking around and wondering where to start with his mess
  8292. >Turns toward the front of the barn when he hears a noise, finds Pinkie and AJ trotting up 
  8293. >They peer at him through the doors with worried expressions
  8294. >A moment later the other four show up
  8295. >"... Y'all alright in here, sugarcube?"
  8301. >Changelings? No problem
  8302. >Discord going rampant? A good laugh
  8303. >That giant bearstallation? Not a problem
  8304. >But one bad thunderstorm and your mares are having to stop you from freaking out
  8305. >Fuck thunderstorms and fuck growing up in an Oklahoma trailer park
  8306. >Anon is afraid of thunderstorms but otherwise is a fearless motherfucker
  8307. >After the weather team lets one bad storm get through their hooves he spends a restless night being soothed by his mares
  8308. >The next day Dash finds herself being cornered by four very tired and extremely angry mares
  8309. >From that moment on Dash personally takes care of all weather around Anon's house
  8310. >The weather team has not let another storm through either
  8319. >the reason why the royal guard was mostly made out of stallions wasn't because the Princesses just wanted some eye candy
  8320. >though that was partly the reason
  8321. >the original Royal guards stallions that made up the force in equestria's antiquity were more than capable of taking down armies and monsters with skill 
  8322. >It helps that the fact their training and tactics comes from a certain green ape
  8323. >the apples are one of many descendants of these guardsmen
  8324. >the most prominent trait is that they almost ALWAYS have a stallion as the first born
  8330. Anon is in equestria and is socially retarded, and due to landing in princess sparkles domain she took up trying to integrate anon, and because she let privates be privates all she saw was anons nipples and made an assumption. 
  8332. So here anon is, socially retarded in a town that seemingly has 3 monogamous families, pinkie, apple, rarity, fluttershy and twilight's parents are also all monogamous (pinkies by being outcasts, apples by being very young and work orientated never expanded before their demise, rarities are made for eachother because of how fuckin weird they are around each other, flutters by being to shy to get more, and twilights just because she had the power/money/position to get an exclusive male as a status symbol) in a different world, and apparently gained enough good will with the 6 to be invited into their herd. But not as a guy... 
  8334. so years before anon came along, the herd was getting nowhere fast with guys, anon coming into the mix, a few of the guys are willing to retry, almost completely with most not sticking around results. (Think anon gets taken to a pony bar, sees the guy come up/they meet him, and the girls are trying to get with him, he is honestly impressed that they are up for 3 way+)
  8336. Through context cues, anon knows herds are important, but because of the other context cues, anon doesn't put herd and harme together.
  8338. And that all ends one day when one of the herd mates decided 'I don't care, I need to get fucked, can you help me anon?' one very fun night of passion later, the herd sans anon is brought together and is about to have the most confusing conversation of their lives
  8344. >Strange magic occurs during the eclipse
  8345. >Celestia and Luna retire to Celestia's balcony to observe the eclipse while, in another world, Anon jerks off to pony pussy
  8346. >The moment the moon occludes the sun, Anon is torn away to Equestria and appears in Celestia's bedroom
  8347. >The sisters are shocked, not only because an alien appeared before then, but also because they didn't know that colts did that
  8348. >Anon has to integrate into pony society, but the sisters don't want to cast a cute little stallion to the wind, so they decide to go undercover and help him
  8349. >Hijinks ensue as Anon's attempts to find a job, make friends, and find a place to live outside of the castle are accidently sabotaged by a pair of tall unicorns in identity-obscuring robes
  8356. >It's just mares hyping up how bad it gets to scare Anon into staying indoors. In reality they get urges and think about sex a lot more, but they're still in control of their facilities. The "stay inside or you'll get raped" story they tell to Anon is just them being overprotective.
  8358. This was an idea a few threads ago.
  8360. >A few mares took a 'holiday' so they don't have to work horney
  8361. >More than a few of the mares have all told anon separately that he needs to stay inside or else he will get raped. 
  8362. >Not that they would, but it would make estrous so much easier if he wasn't around to tease them at every turn
  8363. >A fairly large group of mares with no stallion decided to see if they can finally achieve the dream of being blackout drunk the entire time period. 
  8364. >Everyone in town knows what the mares told anon
  8365. >Some find it funny, some don't, but no one corrects him as none of them want to deal with him bending over in those pants. 
  8366. >The bar doors swing open
  8368. >Before you can see who it is, they are gone and the door is left swinging... 
  8369. >You finish your pint off, get up and go have a look
  8370. >...
  8371. >You see him
  8372. >Anon is out of the house in a robe
  8373. >This is new
  8374. >He slowly walks into the middle of town
  8375. >Ok you were not expecting this, maybe anon would have stayed holed up a few days before he got so bored he came out
  8376. >A good laugh all round
  8377. >But this?
  8378. >He is wearing even more cloths now... 
  8379. >No one else is going to talk to anon
  8380. >Damnit guess you will have to 
  8381. >You get out in front of the crowd and move up closer to anon 
  8382. >Then he let the robe fall
  8383. >Everyone is dead silent. 
  8384. >All he is wearing is a loin cloth
  8386. >You expected many things
  8387. >Anon to be embarrassed
  8388. >Anon to make a cure red face
  8389. >A good laugh by everyone involved
  8390. >But THIS?
  8391. >The silence is only broken by a slightly drunk derpy flying close to anon, trying to land
  8392. >Botching the landing
  8393. >Front hooves give out
  8394. >Face slides on the ground sideways
  8395. >Face down ass up
  8396. >She doesn't register the pain
  8397. >She looks up/sideways at anon
  8398. >"Me first please"
  8399. >Anon acknowledges this, picks her up and begins to walk home.
  8400. >Once he is a bit closer, everyone snaps out of their stupor, and follows suit, many yelling their wishes/needs to anon
  8402. >The night passes in a blur
  8403. >Many of you drunk enough to not fully remember what was happening
  8404. >But one thing is fore sure
  8405. >There are mares covering the floor
  8406. >A thick scent of musk
  8407. >and anon on his bed
  8408. >Sleeping
  8409. >And still inside rainbow dash with derpy almost suffocating him as her ass is on his head
  8410. >What have we done...
  8416. > Flaggrantly Scottish Anon
  8417. > The ponies try to communicate with the poor, flat-teated alien mare in a formal skirt
  8418. > Twilight tries every language she knows, before realising that Anon just speaks a growling, nigh unintelligible equish
  8419. > Clearly, Anon is of the warrior class of her race, she always has her ceremonial clubs in a pack across her back
  8420. > If only they could stop her from digging small holes in the dirt outside of town
  8421. > The way she smacks little balls into them is uncomfortably suggestive, clearly some sort of mating ritual for her kind
  8427. >Anon is mildly terrifying to ponies
  8428. >He looks, moves, and acts like a predator
  8429. >Something about it unsettles most ponies
  8430. >Others? Well some just enjoy the dangers
  8431. >A stallion who could devour you at your most vulnerable
  8432. >Enticed by the danger, those mares flock to Anon
  8433. >Constantly trying to lure him in like the predator they feel he is
  8434. >Something something RGRE
  8437. >Ponies feigning injury or unconsciousness trying to lure Anon in
  8438. >Anon just rolls his eyes and growls at them until they run (or actually pass out)
  8439. >Meanwhile he is banging the only mare that isn't afraid of him and doesn't treat him like fetish fuel
  8440. >Fluttershy, who is used to dealing with predators, loves that she can finally get a stallion
  8441. >Wild monsters were her fetish anyways
  8445. >>Ponies feigning injury or unconsciousness trying to lure Anon in
  8446. >Anon narrates whatever happens a la David Attenborough
  8448. "It seems that this little pony has sprained her leg, making herself vulnerable to predation"
  8449. >"Neigh!"
  8450. "We can only watch as nature takes its course."
  8455. >I'm picturing her flopping her ears down and puffing out her cheeks, stomping her widdle hoofsies and angrily calling Anon a banana-eating monkey.
  8457. >Racistpone looks absolutely beside herself in adorable impotent rage
  8458. >Struggles to find suitably insulting words, but can't think up anything much worse than "dummy", "spider-hoofed", and "too tall"
  8459. >Blows raspberries at Anon and bats at his hand like a kitten when he brings it close to her
  8466. >Anon is nice enough, pleasant
  8467. >Fairly outgoing most of the time, usually happy, likes to spend time with friends
  8468. >Though the mysticism has worn off over time for most, sometimes ponies he only recently met finally give in to their curiosity and ask Anon about the long, aged scar on his inner left forearm
  8469. >They're usually drunk; they have to be to get over the rudeness of asking, especially a stallion
  8470. >He always peers at the mark with a strange smile and says that it was an injury he picked up when he was younger and dumber
  8471. >He never says anything more than that, so eventually the ponies who know him just drop the subject, even if his closest friends occasionally worry about his hesitance to offer specifics 
  8472. >This feeling of worry frequently returns when Anon get into one of his strange 'moods'
  8473. >It doesn't happen often, but their are two usual effects that making spotting the phenomena much easier 
  8474. >The first is simple; canceling appointments
  8475. >Now, everypony does that sometimes, but when Anon does it he cancels everything, sometimes for over a day, and his friends are sure that during those days he doesn't leave his house
  8476. >The second sign is more frequent in general and as such harder to spot, but it ALWAYS shows up after the first
  8477. >Anon will go somewhere, usually the SAA farm but not exclusively, and try to find some extra work or task
  8478. >Anon already has a job at SAA and a fair amount of bits to live on (Granny Apple makes sure of it), but that isn't the strangest part
  8479. >If he goes for work and any complications come up about the hassle of temporary employment and payment, Anon always says that it doesn't matter, and that he'll volunteer for free
  8480. >He's quite insistent
  8481. >Applejack sees this side of him the most
  8482. >She rarely asks him about it since he's never once given her a straight answer, but she's always thinking about what might be happening to him
  8483. >She and the other mane six have investigated him in secret several times to try and find out if he's having any of the usual problems an available colt might have, like harassment or stalking
  8484. >Anything that might explain why he hides in his home or runs off to seek time near others
  8485. >They never find anything concrete beyond the usual stuff
  8486. >Still, every few months like clockwork, Anon will politely reschedule any appointments he has beyond work and lock himself away
  8487. >Two or three days later he'll emerge and begin his search, many times ending up on the farm
  8488. >AJ always shows him plenty of care and never lets him work extra hours without getting payed, even though he insists, obsessively almost, that he doesn't want to be a burden to them by forcing extra time
  8489. >AJ will occasionally find Anon out in the field fiddling with an apple or a leaf or whatever might be nearby, staring out at nothing with a melancholy expression and stroking the scar on his forearm 
  8490. >She always approaches him in these moments
  8491. >"Hey cowpoke, you doin' alright out here?" she'll say, or some other variant, many times startling him without meaning to
  8492. >He laughs, smiles, shakes his head
  8493. >"Oh, it's nothing. I'm fine." he says, every time
  8494. >Sometimes she finds him hard at work, his face hardened as he pushes like a machine at whatever task he's given, outpacing even Big Mac's efforts with his raw attention to the job
  8495. >He whispers to himself sometimes when he thinks nopony can hear him, and it's usually the same things
  8496. >"It always passes." he'll say, "This is normal. I'm fine, It always passes." he reminds himself quietly
  8497. >If he and AJ have any extended conversions during this time, Anon frequently becomes more sentimental than usual, even for a male
  8498. >He'll frequently mention how much he appreciates the time and attention you and all the others in his life give 'someone like him'
  8499. >He'll how much he cares about you, and them, and how he knows that everypony cares about him, too
  8500. >Sometimes his eyes become strained, almost desperate when he says these things
  8501. >She always immediately confirms his statements, even if she think they're obvious
  8502. >"Well o'course!" she'll say, and mean every word, "'Course they do! Why wouldn't they?"
  8503. >He never answers
  8507. >Anon is constantly worried people will find out the scar is just a red marker.
  8508. >During his super edgy phase he'd draw it on each morning, and was then teleported to Equestria.
  8509. >Years have passed and he's outgrown his edgy autism, but he can't just stop drawing it, otherwise ponies will realise.
  8510. >In the back of his closet there's a bunch of flame shirts too
  8515. >Waifu has a very innocent view on colts
  8516. >Firmly believes that they wouldn't do something as "dirty" as masturbating
  8517. >Anon comes into her life and proves her wrong
  8519. >Anon, stop masturbating into my breakfast. 
  8520. I just want to fertilize your eggs. Let me fuck you. 
  8521. >Silly anon you cant fertilize chicken eggs
  8526. >Demonpone tracks you down by the smell/taste of your cock
  8527. >Your doors are locked (you're the only one in Ponyville who has mechanically-locking doors instead of the easily-bypassed magically-locked doors) and your windows are closed
  8528. >Another failure for Demonpone
  8529. >But wait.
  8530. >There, on the front door!
  8531. >Another tiny door!
  8532. >Demonpone will taste your cum yet!
  8533. >Demonpone tries to crawl through tiny door-door
  8534. >Demonpone's succulent rump gets caught and she cannot get unstuck
  8535. >Demonpone cries herself to sleep that night
  8539. >Anon steals a tome of forbidden dark magic
  8540. >He's gonna summon himself a succubus
  8541. >He performs the ritual, and his demonpone arrives from the land of fire and suffering
  8542. >Succubus pone is confused
  8543. >When mortals summon one of their kind to experience unholy pleasure, it's usually a mare summoning an incubus
  8544. >She's never been called upon before
  8545. >She tries to act the part, but Anon can tell something's up
  8546. >After a bit of prodding, she breaks down and admits that she's a virgin
  8547. >But what she lacks in experience, she makes up with enthusiasm, so he should totally give her a chance, she's always wanted to feel the touch of a stallion, she promises to only steal his soul a little bit, she reads lots of dirty magazines so she's picked up on some of the techniques, and she--
  8548. >As she rambles a mile a minute, blood rushes into Anon's cock at the speed of sound as he realizes he's about to deflower an immortal lust demon
  8553. >Anon orders pizza
  8554. >Realizes belatedly that he does not have enough bits on hand to pay for it
  8555. >Thinks back to his younger years about what would happen if a woman (or the societal equivalent of a woman) wanted pizza but couldn't pay for it
  8556. >.....
  8557. >DONG DING
  8558. >who where?
  8559. >Anon answers the door in a loose housecoat
  8560. >The delivery pony is a teenaged mare
  8561. "Oh, no! It seems as though I don't have the bits for this pizza."
  8562. >He starts to slip the robe off of his shoulders, watching as the teenage mare's shocked expression turns to dawning realization, and then pure happiness
  8563. "Is there another way that I can..."
  8564. >Anon traces a finger along the teenage mare's jaw
  8565. "...pay for it?"
  8570. >Anon keeps finding ponies waiting for him outside his door every morning, looking absolutely thrilled to see him
  8571. >They immediately jump into his arms and snuggle up against his chest
  8572. >Anon reacts as though he were being swarmed by 20 happy puppies, and the changelings soak up that love
  8573. >Something something RGRE
  8581. >Luna takes a liking to Anon.
  8582. >Is a thousand years out of practice at wooing stallions.
  8583. >Ponies find her behavior abhorrent.
  8584. >Anon finds it adorable
  8591. >"Hey Anon! Why are you hanging around the castle? Aren't you and Twi supposed to be on some sort of cheesy date?"
  8592. >Dash makes a kissy face as she flies over your head
  8593. >You throw an arm up in the air while leaving the other holding your book open
  8594. "Hey at least someone else other than me remembered!"
  8595. >Dash stops her teasing and seemingly freezes in the air
  8596. >"Wait wait wait wait! Did Twi literally stand you up?"
  8597. "Mmm-huh!"
  8598. >Dash shakes her head
  8599. >"What in the buck is more important than a night with her stallion?"
  8600. >She almost shouts it in obvious confusion
  8601. "Studying for a test"
  8602. >"Studying?"
  8603. "Yep."
  8604. >You turn the page on your book and keep reading
  8605. >She covers her face with her hooves
  8606. >"Geeze that mare is such a dyke. Did she at least give you a heads up?"
  8607. >You just point over to the slip of paper on the table in front of you
  8608. "Dont worry about the footprint. She had a guard leave it on my doorstep"
  8609. >Dash drops out of the air into the chair next to you
  8610. >"For the love of...HOW CAN A MARE THAT SMART BE SO DUMB?"
  8611. >You just shrug and continue reading
  8612. >"And how can you be so calm! Any normal stallion would never talk to her again."
  8613. "Yeah you are probably right."
  8614. >She smacks herself in the forehead with her hoof hard enough that you can hear it even when muffled by her fur
  8615. >"So are you gonna dump her? I wouldnt blame you if you did."
  8616. "Nope. I have other plans for her."
  8617. >You place your bookmark in your book and slide it in front of her
  8618. >She winces and whistles when she reads the title
  8619. >"Riding the Peak: A stallions guide to teat twisting and mare orgasm denial" By Prench Tickler
  8625. >Dash never had anything beyond a second date because of her "selfish" desire be monogamous and to have a stallion all to herself. 
  8626. >Even being a hero and celeb won't fix the taint of being "selfish".
  8627. >You and her hook up, and she learns you're monogamous too. 
  8628. >You get an uncharacteristically bashful yet eager mare with little drama after that revelation.
  8629. >Treat her with the love and genuine affection she gives you so freely for a permanent lifebond. 
  8630. >Life is pretty good with someone you know will never turn on you
  8637. >Moondancer finally builds up the courage to propose to her stallion
  8638. >Her stallion being Anon, of course
  8639. >After taking him out to a nice restaurant and a super-romantic fireworks display, she offers him the ring and asks for his hoof-spider in marriage
  8640. >He turns her down
  8641. >Mostly because she forgot to tell him that they were a couple
  8642. >Oops
  8643. >Moondancer tries to salvage their friendship, while secretly holding out hope that she can win his heart and give him her grandfather's dong ring
  8650. >Twilight gets publicly dumped and you quick hop over to the much more receptive Rainbow. 
  8651. >The pegasus athlete may not be too savvy in the field of romance, but she tries her hardest and her affection is genuine. 
  8652. >And you can gladly return her feelings.
  8653. >Twilight, meanwhile, is loosing her shit. Never before in history has a PRINCESS been dumped. 
  8654. >It's a dishonor that no one has ever had to face before
  8655. >And now she's alone again...
  8656. >She just assumed that you wouldn't need any maintenance after the "my world is RGR and I'm more or less a mare with a dick" talk. 
  8657. >It's a depressing life lesson on why assuming is bad.
  8658. >Meanwhile, you're cuddling a wildly blushing but not resisting Rainbow in public and savoring actually having a lover
  8663. >Anon is taking a nap on on Rarity's couch
  8664. >The CMC are standing on his chest, staring nervously at him as he sleeps
  8665. >They're tired of being made fun of for not having kissed a colt yet
  8666. >Rumble escaped from the treehouse, so Anon's their best shot
  8667. >They all agree to kiss him on the cheek, because they heard that unprotected kissing can cause pregnancy
  8668. >Scootaloo smooches the left one
  8669. >Applebloom smooches the right
  8670. >When it's comes time for Sweetie Belle, she gets lost in the moment and ends up planting it right on the lips
  8671. >They freak out
  8672. >Not knowing what to do, they go to Rarity
  8673. >She's always kissing stallions, she's practically an expert!
  8674. >They aren't exactly clear on the details, so Rarity thinks that they raped Anon
  8675. >She tells AJ and RD about what happened, and they all decide they have to protect their sisters
  8676. >Convincing Anon not to talk would be easy, since he's kind of a bitch
  8677. >Unfortunately, sex comes with pregnancy
  8678. >They are going to have to marry him to protect their reputation
  8679. >Meanwhile, Anon wakes up from his nap and is confused as to why there are hoofprints on his shirt
  8686. >Due to herding and polygamy being the norm (to the point where you have to sit a pony down and spend a few hours trying to explain monogamy to her), cheating is an unheard of concept
  8687. >The only way to take on one partner without keeping your current one is to actually break up with him/her
  8688. >Anon just keeps building his herd up, much to his dismay
  8690. It reminds me of that one-shot where Anon was a rapist, only he couldn't actually rape the mares in Equestria because they saw it as a colt being forward and kinky. After "raping" a mare, they'd ask him to drop in some time and do it again
  8697. >Anon walks the CMC home from school, because in RGRE it's okay for a male to walk off with children who aren't his own
  8698. >They each give him a kiss on the cheek as thanks, which their sisters witness
  8699. >They joke about the fillies forming a herd early
  8706. >With stallions being as rare as they are, it generally unthinkable to have them be put in danger.
  8707. >Every one of them hurt or dead means less family centers and genetic material to go around.
  8708. >Only a few powerful exceptions like Shining Armor exist, and even then, it's peaceful enough that bold stallions like that rarely face danger.
  8709. >Then, out of a portal pops you.
  8710. >You just survived the apocalypse / anarchy / WWIII / another unspeakable horror that lasted for far too long and left glaring marks both physical and mental.
  8711. >And there is no way to hide it from beings as sensitive to pain as ponies
  8717. >anon legitimately did horrible things
  8718. >did them because he himself would have been killed
  8719. >commit suicide/teleportedbybullshit to equestria
  8720. >feels really guilty that he is in this paradise despite what he did
  8727. >Pony social norms are a little different than human
  8728. >Anon is rather stereotypical human being 
  8729. >He's behaviour is maybe not ideal but acceptable for humans but ponies perceive it different
  8730. >He likes to drink
  8731. Not to the point of being alcoholic but for ponies it's still a lot
  8732. >He value his privacy, not tell all his thoughts to friends, sometimes try to hide his emotions, has locks in his dors
  8733. Perfectly normall for humans, but ponies are a lot more open and emotionall
  8734. >Value his personall space, don't like to hug everyone around, always wear clothes
  8735. >Likes to spend times alone, not to the point of being recluse, but he enjoy being only with himself
  8737. While he's perfectlly healthy ponies think that there is something wrong with him maybe he was abused by his mares or something, they try to help him in pony way of course (intervention, hiring psychiatrist and tricking Anon to talk with her etc.)
  8743. >Anon works for Rarity
  8744. >Rumors about the two of them being an item float around
  8745. >A third of the town thinks that Rarity is a filthy monogamoust
  8746. >A third think that Anon is Rarity's tuft and that she's only dating him to cover up that she's a dyke
  8747. >The final third believes that Rarity, Anon, and Sweetie Belle are in a herd together
  8748. >Shenanigans happen
  8749. >Something something RGRE
  8756. >Maud stands in your open doorway, her usual blank expression apparent as she stares up at you
  8757. "Anything I can help you with, Maud?"
  8758. >She blinks
  8759. >"Yes. I would like to have sex with you."
  8760. >You raise an eyebrow
  8761. "I'm sorry?"
  8762. >"There's no reason to apologise, you haven't disappointed me yet."
  8763. "No, I mean I don't understand what's going on."
  8764. >"I'm propositioning you for sex. I've been led to believe that males in your world were the ones who primarily sought out intercourse, correct? I was hoping that meant you'd be open to casual sex."
  8765. "Well, that's true I guess, but it's still weird for a pony to just knock on my door and ask for it."
  8766. >"Should I attempt to seduce you?"
  8767. >She reaches up and pulls the collar of her dress down, revealing a few extra inches of neck and shoulder fur
  8768. >unf
  8769. "T-that won't be necessary, Maud. Why are you doing this, exactly? You don't really strike me as the type to be so insatiably horny that you'd try to jump on someone you barely even know."
  8770. >Her expression softens ever so slightly as she breaks eye contact with you to stare at the ground
  8771. >"I'm still a virgin, Anon. It was a common point of ridicule in the later years of my schooling, and it made me feel like I was weird or unusual for not having experienced it."
  8772. >Your shoulders sink
  8773. "I'm so sorry, Maud. Are you-"
  8774. >"There's no need to-"
  8775. >You put a finger to her lips to silence her
  8776. "Are you sure this is really how you want your first time to go, though?"
  8777. >She casts her eyes aside
  8778. >"Stallions are emotional, and I'm not exactly qualified to provide a shoulder to cry on. I've tried dating, but I can't really give a colt the affection he needs."
  8779. >You scratch the back of your head as you think
  8780. "This is probably a conversation we shouldn't be having out here in the cold. Would you like to come inside?"
  8781. >She simply stares for a moment, before leaning in and lowering her voice
  8782. >"You do...know how sex works, right?"
  8783. >You sigh and hold the door open wider
  8784. "Just get inside already."
  8790. >Two years ago you found some green eggs under your kitchen sink.
  8791. >The bug spray you bought down at the market did jack all on the things.
  8792. >So foregoing burning down the house and starting from scratch you let them live.
  8793. >They did after all provide a nice green glow which acted like a night light for the kitchen.
  8794. >First they hatched into some adorable little changeling larvae.
  8795. >As far as bugs go, these little ones were too cute to squish. 
  8796. >Then they grew up.
  8797. >Quick
  8798. >The more they fed on your love the bigger they got.
  8799. >Eventually they shed their regular chitin and became something… else.
  8800. >Your home is became- well a home to about twelve changeling queens.
  8801. >It’s not so bad.
  8802. >You only have to feed yourself, so they don’t necessarily eat you out of house and home.
  8803. >The only thing that worries you is how they fight everynight, they fight over who gets which spot in the cuddle pile.
  8804. >So is the life of Anon.
  8805. >Things could be worse.
  8807. Twelve overprotective daughters who guard their dad from overzealous mares
  8809. >Sometimes two bugdaughters transform into the same pony and cross paths in public
  8810. >They have to perform some on the fly acting and pretend to be two long-lost identical twins who are having a tearful reunion
  8817. >After much nervous fretting and second guessing herself, a teen Scootaloo finally asks if she can join Rainbow and Anon's herd.
  8818. >To Scoot's immense surprise and joy, both say yes and let her in.
  8819. >Then she runs into another problem.
  8820. >She never realized that other mares joined.
  8821. >It's her, Anon, Rainbow, Spitfire, Fluttershy, A.K. Yearling, Gilda, a smattering of foals and even a griffin chick or two all in one family.
  8822. >She comes to the realization that she's the youngest sans the foals and has nothing to offer the family as a whole.
  8823. >And useless is quite possibly the worst thing you can be as the newest member of a herd.
  8824. >It's also not helping that she was just brought into a herd filled with heroes and celebrities. 
  8825. >Now Scootaloo has to scramble to find her place in her new family and hope that her new sisters don't lose their patience with her
  8829. >Rainbow Dash nervously allows Scootaloo into her "herd"
  8830. >It's actually just Rainbow and Anon
  8831. >Rainbow felt insecure about "only" having two people total in her herd, so she made the others up
  8832. >This didn't help her cause, because that meant that other ponies would be too intimidated to try and join such an illustrious herd that contained the likes of Spitfire, A.K. Yearling, and even a dirty sky-nigger
  8833. >Scootaloo was the first mare to stick around after she heard about all the other alleged herdmates
  8839. >Anon doesn't know about estrus
  8840. >Wanders through the deserted town square, wondering where everyone's gone and why all the shops are closed
  8841. >Finds Bon Bon walking through the streets, blushing and looking pained.
  8842. "Bonnie? Bonnie, what's going on? Where IS everybody?"
  8843. >Bon Bon glances at him and, with effort, looks away.
  8844. >"Y-You should get inside, Anon..."
  8845. >Anon's stomach drops.
  8846. >He's watched horror movies.
  8847. >He thinks that something horrible is coming into town and that ponies are desperately hiding from it
  8848. "Oh, god. Something's coming, isn't there?"
  8849. >Wrong thing to say to a mare in heat.
  8850. >Bon Bon groans desperately and starts trotting over to Anon.
  8851. >"S-Something's gonna be coming, alright..."
  8854. "How do you put up with servicing your entire herd during estrus, Anon?"
  8855. >"Seriously? What kind of guy would I be if I complained about having too much sex? Friction-induced injuries aside."
  8856. >Wow.
  8857. >You sure do wish you had a slut like Anon in your herd.
  8864. >Almost lazily, Rainbow pushes the book out of your lap and takes it’s spot.
  8865. >She looks up at you with goofy smile and half-lidded eyes on a red face.
  8866. >”Annnooooooon…” She moans piteously as she paws at your chest. “Let’s bump uglies and make a foal. Just one…”
  8867. >Her tail flits and flags, letting the subtle scent of her arousal hit your nose.
  8868. >You’re tempted to give in, but collect yourself.
  8869. >It’s the peak of estrus in Ponyville, and contrary to what some stallions say, mares DON’T turn into rape monsters.
  8870. >They just get… more feminine (by human standards), more touchy, and much more willing to have kids. 
  8871. >Even macho mares like Rainbow melt in the wake of the hormonal high.
  8872. “Sorry, babe. No can do,” you gently tell the pegasus. “Remember that you told me you want to wait a year or two?”
  8873. >The athlete’s face falls as she slowly remembers her own words through the haze currently settled on her. 
  8874. >“Yeah, but… But…”
  8875. >She simply huffs and seizes one of your hands to rub her face and puffed up tuft against. 
  8876. >That might have worked on a stallion, but you? More adorable than sexy, you think, as she rolls to her back with your hand still in her forehooves. 
  8877. >You run the hand through her plush tuft, down her taut stomach, and stop between her legs.
  8878. >The mare in your lap bites her lip and shivers.
  8879. “Just power through it, Rainbow. Today is the worst day. It’ll get better, but until it does, I’ll help out.”
  8880. >Rainbow’s face screws itself up into frustration, but she drops it for an expression of relief when your fingers finally meet their prize.
  8881. >These ponies, man...
  8887. >There's a dark secret lurking in Ponyville
  8888. >Once a month, a secret society meets under cover of night
  8889. >The exact location changes each time to reduce the chance of being caught
  8890. >Everpony in attendance is female, aside from three unlucky stallions chosen at random from the citizenry
  8891. >The newcomers are frightened, while those familiar with this twisted ritual resign themselves for what's to come
  8892. >There's no point in trying to escape, there are too many mares here, they wouldn't get far
  8893. >There's no point in telling anyone, either
  8894. >Mayor Mare and half the ponice force are here too
  8895. >As time rapidly approaches, the mares become more excited
  8896. >They make more aggressive, lewd remarks
  8897. >Sometimes they stick their forelegs through the bars of the stallion's cages to feel their fur or touch them inappropriately
  8898. >When the time comes, each mare is assigned a number
  8899. >Those numbers are drawn, and nine mares are chosen
  8900. >Three per stallion
  8901. >The stallions are led into the middle of the room by their mares, surrounded on all sides by loud, horny spectators, and they are raped
  8902. >They are violated numerous times, all while the crowd eggs their rapists on and says lewd, demeaning things about the victim
  8903. >Three mares per stallions means each one can rest while the others continue the rape, allowing the ordeal to last for hours
  8904. >Sometimes it all becomes too much for the crowd, and they all swarm the stallions, passing them around like objects
  8905. >When it's all over, the stallions are returned to their homes, a venue is decided on for the meeting, and the mares go back to their normal lives like nothing happened
  8907. >Anon is unaware of all of this when his friend-who-happens-to-be-a-mare asks him if he could go with her to a private event
  8908. >It's her first time, and she'd be more at ease if she saw a familiar face there
  8909. >She can't tell him what kind of meeting it is, but she promises that he'll love it
  8910. >Every last second of it
  8914. >Mares try to escape Anon, but he just grabs them and drags them back in
  8915. >He is not locked in there with them, they are locked in with him
  8917. >A huge pile of utterly spent mares lay in the middle of the room, the only sounds being weak moans and lots of panting
  8918. >one mare decides enough was enough and tries to slink away
  8919. >a hand emerges from within the pile, and expertly latches onto the escaping ponies tail
  8921. "No! No no no no no!"
  8923. >her cries are unheaded, her hooves dig big ruts into the concrete floor as she is slowly dragged back into the pile.
  8925. >from deep within a voice can be heard
  8927. >"Rape"
  8933. >ponies think that anon experienced unspeakable horror that lasted for far too long and left glaring marks both physical and mental.
  8935. >In reality he has not experienced that sort of thing at all
  8937. >It all begun when they started asking him about his world.
  8939. >"Hey anon what is the name of your hometown!?"
  8941. >"WAR-SAW!?!?!?!"
  8949. >As fall turns to winter, a pony's fur thickens to help keep them arm
  8950. >In unicorns, it gives them an impressive chest tuft, bulking up around their necks and resembling the poofy collar of a fur coat
  8951. >For pegasi, down production increases, making them softer to handle (but making it more difficult for them to fly)
  8952. >Earth ponies have a much thicker coat everywhere on their bodies, making them appear bigger than they actually are. While not quite as beautiful as that seen on a unicorn, it's much more suited for an earth pony's tough, hands-on lifestyle
  8953. >Mares use this increased fluff to help them attract a mate and prepare them for when estrus hits in the following spring, just a few short months away
  8954. >something something RGRE
  8961. > When someone you trust finally touches you and you realize you've been starved for physical affection all your life
  8962. > Pic of Celestia trying not to cry as Anon pets her
  8964. >Don't break down in front of Anon
  8965. >Don't cry in front of Stallions
  8966. >You're a big mare
  8967. >You need to stay strong
  8969. >Physical affection-starved Celestia will never hug you for several hours
  8970. >She will never appear in your room each night and ask for cuddles
  8971. >She will never have you sit right next to her (hip to hip) on an enlarged throne during day court
  8978. >Be a face in the crowd where others like you are a dime a dozen.
  8979. >Expected to be strong and hardworking, told to try harder when it gets tough.
  8980. >But you're also told that you don't matter and that you can be replaced.
  8981. >And all the competition seems bitter and herculean. 
  8982. >Romantic prospects are low.
  8983. >Family prospects are even lower. 
  8984. >Haven't been touched by a male since your father gave you a hug...
  8985. >...Last year at family a reunion.
  8986. >But then, HE comes along...
  8991. Has anyone ever wondered if human myths wind up in Equestria? Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Oni and heavenly ascended humans with animal heads...
  8993. Somehow I can only imagine that the mares would see the male figures as subjagated victums of cruel mistress' who force their husbands to work for them instead of providing for their husbands.
  8995. >Ponies are appalled that Mrs. Clause forces kind ol' Santa Clause to travel across the world in just one night to deliver gifts he makes with the help of his friends!
  8996. >While Mrs. Clause simply gets to stay at home, bake cookies and do buck all!
  8997. >An outrage!
  9002. >A pegasus mare waking up with stiff or extended wings is the equivalent of a guy waking up with morning wood
  9003. >Anon and Rainbow Dash are an item and one morning Anon wakes up to the sensation of soft wings wings wrapped around him
  9004. >Anon thinks it's adorable and sweet
  9005. >Rainbow Dash is mortified
  9006. >Wings wrapping around your coltfriend is like waking up to find that you've somehow mashed your junk into your girlfriend's face
  9013. >Ponies have no sense of personal space
  9014. >but it only happens to ponies who know each other 
  9015. >since ponyville is a small community, everypony knows each other one way or another
  9016. >anon see all the tiny horses all cuddled up together whenever they hang out
  9017. >gets swamp with curious little foals while he is the library reading
  9018. >i always start with the CMC
  9019. >then their friends
  9020. >then their classmates
  9021. >anon doesnt mind
  9022. >tiny ponies are comfy yo
  9029. >Anon is a schoolteacher.
  9030. >Instead of trying to be the "Cool" teacher, he actually strives to teach the fillies something.
  9031. >He punishes them when they do wrong.
  9032. >Corrects them when they make mistakes.
  9033. >Rewards them when they do well.
  9034. >Teaches them to use their brains, but follow their heart.
  9035. >Teaches them to not compare, but improve.
  9036. >Gives them attention if they need it.
  9037. >Some fillies are confused.
  9038. >Why is a stallion acting like their mother?
  9039. >Some fillies may also have crushes on him.
  9040. >Maybe
  9041. >But they'll never tell
  9043. >substitute teacher anon
  9044. >working in a public school in fillydelphia
  9045. >school has a reputation for having THE MOST unruly and disrespectful students in the city
  9046. >the last teacher had to take the day off because they covered him in sticky slime 
  9047. >it wouldnt come off and they had to shave ALL the fur
  9048. >the fillies think this new substitute will be a lot easier
  9049. >one thing they dont realize...
  9050. >he's not in there with them
  9051. >they're trapped in theyre with him
  9053. >the class is, of course, mostly mares
  9054. >their first "prank" is dropping a bucket of water on him
  9055. >he teaches the class with a wet shirt to not show weakness
  9056. >ah, first quiet day this week
  9057. >after a rough first week, they begrudgingly respect him
  9058. >he learns all their names and knows what kind of trouble each one likes to cause
  9059. >three weeks later he doesn't have to yell anymore
  9060. >they don't fear his voice or anger as much as their fear his disappointment
  9061. >staring into the eyes of a schoolfilly and telling her he thought she could do so much better hurts worse than any kind of physical pain
  9069. >The Mares are dumbfounded as the Doors are blocked by a dense wall of fog
  9070. >The dark and dank cellar became a barren wasteland under an Ashen Sky.
  9071. >The Sun is Eclipsed and instead of it's usual Corona, It's "leaking" fire into the horizon. 
  9072. >Anon just smiles serenely while his clothes are burned off, his skin cracks revealing veins of liquid fire.
  9073. >Incredible heat can be felt from his now erect penis.
  9074. >Anonymous: Dong of Cinders
  9077. >Due to unexpected help from the elements of harmony you managed to take Anon down, well make him kneel in exhaustion.
  9078. >Just you wait, after we take a nap. everyone will take their reveng-
  9079. >Anon is on fire now...his penis too.
  9080. >The ominous background music, Is someone playing the piano?
  9081. >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6jxyQvynUI [Open]
  9082. >Holy Buck! Did he just throw a lightning bolt?
  9083. >Is Roseluck dea- oh she just came so hard she passed out.
  9084. >Buck! The Elements are still winded.
  9085. >This isn't fair.
  9086. >"Phase 2, cunts."
  9092. >Be Anon. 
  9093. >You're reading on the best places to touch to please a unicorn mare. 
  9094. >You'll show Lyra you can out do her magic! 
  9095. >You feel a tiny body snuggle against you. 
  9096. >You look down and see Applebloom has pulled up another chair next to yours and is snuggling your side for warmth. 
  9097. >Smiling you place the book down and begin to pet her back, as you do you feel another body now on your other side. 
  9098. >Sweetiebell has curled into a ball against you. 
  9099. >You pick both of them up and go find the library's couch and lay them both on your side to let them go to sleep. 
  9100. >Soon after you close your eyes you open them to find Scootaloo laying down on your chest. 
  9101. >You smile at the cuteness the tiny foals emit. 
  9102. >…
  9103. >You're fucking Lyra when you get home. 
  9104. >No condom. 
  9105. >Five times. 
  9106. >You need baby ponies, and the mint horse shall provide them. 
  9107. >Possibly Bon Bon too if she gets home early enough
  9110. Dubs will it! 
  9111. >Be Lyra. 
  9112. >You're walking through the market looking for any mlh merch. 
  9113. >Still glad you found not only a human, but a human who actually LIKES the show! 
  9114. >Suddenly something grabs you and begins walking. 
  9115. >You begin to panic! 
  9116. >You look up at your captor and see Anon's signature suit. 
  9117. >You calm down and go limp as you begin to think on why Anon would be carrying you. 
  9118. >It's Tuesday so not mlh. 
  9119. >You don't think he's sad, he's walking too fast. 
  9120. >Wait... no... 
  9121. >Panic begins to fill you as you look up to check his face. 
  9122. >Sure as day you see it. 
  9123. >It's the 'You better call in to work because I'm trying for some foals' face! 
  9124. >You begin to flail with newfound vigour! 
  9125. >You've gotta get away! 
  9126. >You can handle a horny colt like Anon, but NO mare can handle a foal hungry Anon! 
  9127. "A-Anon please! Think about this, d-do we really need foal?! W-We should wait a bit!"
  9128. >Anon just walks faster. 
  9129. >You see Bon Bon as Anon walks by her stand. 
  9130. "Bonnie, help me!"
  9131. >She just looks at you before quickly looking away. 
  9132. >That bitch! 
  9133. "You'll have to come home eventually traitor!"
  9134. >You call out before the Anon finally makes it to your house. 
  9135. "Celestia help me!"
  9136. >"Not after last time, you're on your own" You hear Celestia call out
  9142. >"Now say you're sorry."
  9143. >Fucking Fluttershy. Always butting into your-
  9144. >Yeah no, she's a complete sweetheart, and it was perfectly understandable that she was a bit ticked off at you.
  9145. >But still, your pride may be battered and bruised, but you'll never admit defeat.
  9146. "Like I said, in my culture showing teeth is a friendly gesture."
  9147. >"Buck you it is! You have fangs, that was clearly a threat!"
  9148. >Repeat that exchange six or seven more times and that basically been your last half hour
  9152. >"So you have wolf teeth then! You don't bite, you rip flesh."
  9153. >Then Anon responds about how deadly her claws are.
  9154. >Half an hour later Fluttershy realizes they have no idea that they're flirting
  9159. >Horse body temperatures on average are slightly higher than a human's.
  9160. >Many stories infer that a pegasus has a higher temperature still.
  9161. >Combine the two and at best, it's uncomfortably warm to bone a pegasus. At worst, scalding.
  9162. >Anon doesn't realize this until it's too late
  9168. >Anon in RGREqG
  9169. >Gets invited to a party/sleepover with the Mane 7
  9170. >Officially, it's because they're already friends, and he's insisted that he's more like them than those prissy guys pretending to be men.
  9171. >Unofficially, it's because they've decided they want to try snagging him for their herd
  9172. >They already decided they wanted to be together, and have been on the lookout for a guy that is interested in all of them, and that all of them are interested in.
  9173. >He's initially OK with this, visions of harem debauchery running through his mind
  9174. >Then it registers that this would involve trying to romantically juggle 7 girls at once.
  9175. >Banging all of them is appealing, but he actually cares about them, and is concerned about relationship drama bombs and what happens if one or more of them feels neglected or whatever
  9176. >They insist it's not a big deal, sure their group is a little larger than usual, but they've convinced themselves everything will work out
  9182. >you stand in line with your battle-sisters: the warmages from the unicorn tribe that had swallowed their pride in the face of extinction
  9183. >staring across an acrid field covered in puddles from the unrelenting rains of the pegasi tribes
  9184. >the lines of the massively muscular earth pony mares in front of you still shine gold despite the weather
  9185. >above you, the pegasi flit through the clouds trying to finish with the last-minute preparations
  9186. >behind you all, at the top of the hill, stand the Two Sisters
  9187. >from no single tribe do they hail
  9188. >the only two members of the Alicorn Tribe to exist
  9189. >their fortress at the north face of the Lonely Mountain is the last holdout
  9190. >under their rule all three tribes are equal as subjects beneath them
  9191. >their ascension they consider their divine right to rule
  9192. >the other capitals lie in ruin
  9193. >the floating fortress of the pegasi brought down by hail
  9194. >the unicorn tower pulled down by might
  9195. >the earth pony city razed
  9196. >all the by the caribou, who seek to usurp the natural order of the world for their own
  9197. >across the muddy field, lining the earth and blocking the mountain range of their home, they stare back at you
  9198. >they have nothing but hate
  9199. >whatever their queen and king found in those mountains...
  9200. >it's dark magic twisted the once amicable deer into these monsters
  9201. >twisted, fur-covered horns sprout and grow like sick vines
  9202. >it's become difficult to tell the difference between their mares and stallions
  9203. >not that it mattered
  9205. >>29781375 #
  9207. ...Anonymous
  9208. 04/02/17(Sun)03:50:42 No.29781375
  9210. >>29781370 #
  9211. >they cared nothing for the safety of their males
  9212. >every will had submitted to the rule of their king and queen
  9213. >before nightfall, you, and every mare on this plateau, would be stallion-slayers
  9214. >the Two Sisters, however, had made it clear you must choose between your own stallions and theirs
  9215. >only ponies as powerful as they could even think to field their mate
  9216. >and a strange one he was
  9217. >some kind of minotaur with
  9218. >no hooves of any kind
  9219. >your own captain had objected to being seen on a battlefield with a stallion present and you agreed
  9220. >it was shameful enough that you would be facing them, let alone have one at your back
  9221. >you looked back
  9222. >there he stood, between them, wearing not a scrap of gold
  9223. >carrying only a drum under one limb at his side
  9224. >they called him "The Bard"
  9225. >the rumors said he could control the Music of Harmony
  9226. >he hailed from a land beyond travelling, beyond magic, beyond time
  9227. >from a world without magic
  9228. >but, somehow, still had access to music
  9229. >he could summon forth the Old Magic at will, direct its flow, control its message
  9230. >thinking of music, you could hear the start of the caribou's song
  9231. >at least their sense of pride kept them adhereing to the proper ways of war
  9232. >they wanted to show the world they deserved to rule it unopposed
  9233. >it began slow
  9234. >long, sonorous, and low
  9236. >the chorus notes were...somehow off
  9237. >the rhythm disjointed
  9238. >yet they all sang as one
  9239. >danced as one, holding their heads high and stomping their hooves
  9240. >swaying their weapons in their grasps and lighting their horns in black displays of magic
  9241. >about their destiny to rule
  9242. >about your duty to die
  9243. >about their impending victory here, at the last holdout of the ponies
  9244. >and soon, it drew to a close
  9245. >for a moment, there was complete silence over the plains
  9246. >you shifted the tall shield affixed to your left foreleg
  9247. >scratching the side of your cheek with it and feeling the sharp base dig into the soft earth
  9248. >and then...a drum
  9249. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFi7bWkyRpA [Open]
  9250. >you feel nothing in your heart
  9251. >except for panic, perhaps, when no notes from the world join in
  9252. >but after a moment you hear it
  9253. >off-tune warbling from no instrument you had ever heard joins in with the rhythm of the drum
  9254. >his singular voice sounded off
  9255. >even at the first line, you could feel yourself quietly mouthing the words
  9256. >he sang about your weapons and slick, shining armor
  9257. >the mares at the front lines swung their weapons in the air, but more than a few of them swung in the wrong direction or hit the mud
  9258. >you could hear yourself and your sisters around you suddenly sound off at the fourth decidely un-pony-like line
  9259. >but they go quiet until you all mumble the last line
  9260. "How many of them can we make die?"
  9262. >you can't believe you're participating in this
  9263. >nothing about your moral justification
  9264. >nothing about duty
  9265. >not a word of destiny
  9266. >not one of hope
  9267. >only the grim task in front of you
  9268. >and yet...you feel your heart quicken
  9269. >the next were about obedience and striking fear
  9270. >but there was a message of unity
  9271. >your voice was louder this time
  9272. "A force like ours is hard to stop!"
  9273. >even louder at the last one
  9274. "How many of them can we make die?"
  9275. >you could feel your muscles tensing
  9276. >your face lifting from a look of weariness
  9277. >a spark of hope, desperate but there nonetheless, ignited in your heart
  9278. >soon you and every mare on the field was joining in every other line
  9279. >there was no comfort in the lyrics
  9280. >only defiance
  9281. >the hopelessness in your soul was melting away into accepting your situation
  9282. >leaving only anger and defiance
  9283. >it was almost a shout at the last line of the chorus
  9284. "How many of them can we make die?"
  9285. >your heart was pumping, ready to go into battle for the survival of your stallion back home
  9286. >the foals left behind
  9287. >some strings from nowhere joined in for a while, and soon the song faded
  9288. >perhaps there was some truth about the rumors of the bard's capabilities
  9289. >you didn't think this would change the outcome of the battle too much
  9290. >the caribou stretched beyond what your eyes could see
  9291. >you pulled your shield closer and readied your horn for combat
  9292. >but he continued
  9293. >quietly, at first
  9294. >his voice raised when every pony on the field began to stomp their hooves to his beat
  9295. >the thunder in the air echoed his drum
  9296. >despite the mud you all managed to shake the earth with the force of your hooves
  9297. >the last line of the chorus wasn't so much sang by you, but growled
  9298. "How many of them can we make die?"
  9299. >now every line was sang by the giant choir
  9300. >echoed off and away into the horde approaching
  9301. >a fire erupted in your belly
  9302. >you could see sharper now
  9303. >even the falling raindrops seemed to slow their descent
  9304. >your muscles twitched with electricity
  9305. >your blood ran hot in your veins
  9306. >and your horn glowed brighter
  9307. >the earth ponies up front slashed blades of rain through the air, or cratered the ground with swings of their axes
  9308. >their muscles swelled and tensed, eager to start the bloodshed
  9309. >the pegasi struck their weapons together, sending arcs of lightning across the clouds
  9310. >the damp air grew hot around you from all the other horns
  9311. >your own singed your hair when the third layer formed
  9312. >you were eager to begin cleansing this evil from the world
  9313. >freeze and shatter them to bits
  9314. >shock them into vapor
  9315. >burn them until nothing but ashes and stories remained
  9316. >Let them try to kill you, the price will be painfully high
  9317. >you were ready
  9318. >more than ready
  9319. >you just couldn't wait
  9320. >Just how many of them could you make die?
  9321. >You are now Twilight Sparkle
  9322. >The bolt of lightning you just shot across the room was thankfully stopped by your BBBFF's shield
  9323. >Both princesses stare at you
  9324. >but not with disappointment, or anger, or shock
  9325. >They both have a knowing look in their eyes
  9326. >You stare at your shaking hooves before clamping your eyes shut and attempting those breathing exercises Cadance taught you
  9327. >they help a little
  9328. >but your heart is still beating at a thousand per minute
  9329. >and your breath refuses to obey you
  9330. >after a minute, or an hour, you come to a rest
  9331. >the princesses drop the field around you
  9332. >Celestia approaches you and wraps a wing around your back
  9333. >"It's alright, Twilight, everything is ok."
  9334. >You lean into and nuzzle her
  9335. >she's still bigger than you
  9336. >which you really appreciate right now
  9337. >she leans down to look into your eyes
  9338. >"Do you understand now, Twilight? About why we were worried about another human here?"
  9339. "I do, Prin--Celestia, I do."
  9340. >"And what are you going to do about it?"
  9341. "I'll make sure that Anonymous never, ever sings in Ponyville city limits."
  9342. >"I hope you will."
  9343. "But I do have a question, Celestia."
  9344. >"Hmm?"
  9345. "Were you and Luna in a herd with that human?"
  9346. >"I really think you should be heading home to take care of this, Twilight."
  9347. "How was it?"
  9354. >Anon is an omnivore
  9355. >Omnivores eat meat
  9356. >Meat is dangerous unless properly cooked
  9357. >Colts are good cooks
  9358. >Anon is both an omnivore and a colt, therefore he can cook meat
  9359. ...
  9360. ...
  9361. ...
  9362. >The steak is barely brown on the outside and bloody on the inside
  9363. >AJ's face when her husbando is obviously a terrible cook
  9369. >Twilight observes Anon for purely scientific and non-stalkerish purposes
  9370. >She misunderstands his personal quirks, assuming them to be social cues from his culture
  9372. >Anon builds and paints a fence around his house
  9373. >Wears old clothes while he's painting and inevitably gets messy
  9374. >Twilight, watching from a nearby bush, thinks that painting the fence is like a bird decorating nest and the paint he spills on himself is akin to a peacock showing off its tail
  9375. >Twilight concludes that this is mating season for humans and alerts her friends
  9376. >Rainbow Dash in particular thinks that the idea is stupid, but she can't help but feel drawn to Anon's house, and his colorful paint-splattered clothing makes her heart skip a beat
  9377. >Anon wonders why there are so many pegasi in the skies and trees around his house
  9379. >When later approaching Anon for a follow-up she 'casually mentions some of the things she observed (only some, she doesn't want him to know!)
  9380. >Anon then points out that with one data point, she has no sure way of discerning personal quirks, his people's cutoms and humans' natural drives.
  9381. "But That's why I came to ask you!"
  9382. >"So that I can introduce my own unperceived biases into the mix?"
  9383. >And then Twilight came
  9389. >"Quick! He's getting hysterical! Somebody blow him right away!"
  9390. "P-pinkie? What-"
  9391. >"GLARMPH"
  9392. >Everypony stares at you wide eyed as Pinkie Pie furiously bobs her head, trying desperately to make you cum.
  9393. >You were later informed that "male hysteria" hasn't been a thing for at least 80 years, and that blowjobs were not the way for a mare to help cure it.
  9398. Anonymous has a somewhat normal life in RGR Equestria until he accidentally frees the dreaded space pirate/chaos entity Eris from her stone prison underneath the Canterlot foothills.
  9400. Then his life gets a bit more Tenchi Muyo as Eris taking such an interest in him prompts other females from around Equestria to take an interest, as well - including the descendants of the heroes of the other races who originally sealed Eris away and were drawn to Anonymous when they felt the seal break, and a certain space-themed Princess who recently returned from an extended trip to the moon…
  9406. A portion of the Equestrian community is utterly terrified of Anonymous, the new human from another dimension. Something about him is just wrong, though they can't quite figure out what at first. It's only after a few months have passed that it becomes apparent - Anonymous is a memetic hazard.
  9408. Ponies who spend too long around him have their gender roles reversed to human standards - stallions become more like men and mares become more like women. The longer they spend near him, the longer it takes to wear off… but the effect's duration increases exponentially, to the point where it may as well be permanent on certain ponies.
  9410. Alicorns are immune to the effect, not that it'll help them in the long run.
  9411. Discord find it hilarious and delights in teleporting Anon to different cities across Equestria for weekends, with his permission, of course. His jaw still hurts from the time Anon punched him after getting dropped into pony Chicago
  9417. >Berdherd with Rainbow Dash, Flitter, and Cloudchaser
  9418. >Herd aggressively chirps at any mares who approach Anon
  9419. >Mares see how aggressive they are and worry that they're forcing "a nice colt like Anon" into herding them
  9420. >Berdherd brings shiny/colourful pieces of cloth and metal over to Anon's house and drop them in his front yard to decorate it
  9421. >When they have foals, the berdherd becomes very protective over him
  9422. >Tell him to stay home and "protect the foals" while they all go out as a group to buy groceries
  9423. >Get instinctively upset when Anon leaves the foals by themselves while he goes into another room to do something
  9428. >Pegasi lay eggs instead of giving live birth
  9429. >One day Anon happens across an unhatched egg all by itself, which promptly hatches
  9430. >Anon is the first thing the pegasus foal sees and it imprints onto Anon
  9431. >Follows him around no matter what he does
  9432. >something something RGRE
  9438. >Anon wants to recreate Easter to show to his pony pals
  9439. >getting extra eggs for the purpose is a bit of a problem though, since ponies only use them for baking and the chickens aren't keen to give up more than they already do
  9440. >he's not even going to ask where the fuck a hen got a shotgun to chase him out of the coop with the first time he went in with a basket
  9441. >realizing there are larger eggs in the trees around town, he decides to be clever and collect those instead
  9442. >a lot harder to hide, but make do with what you have
  9443. >in the middle of painting them at his kitchen table, they start bouncing around and cracking open
  9444. >pegasus foals on the table, in the drawers, in the cupboards, on his face, in his hair
  9445. >mid-panic, a loud knocking comes from his door and he composes himself enough to stumble over and answer it
  9446. >a couple dozen smug-looking pegasus mares are standing outside, holding common-law herding scrips in their mouths
  9451. Oh my god, I want Luna to awkwardly try and convince Anon to start dating her by reading out a list of her positive traits.
  9453. >"Why You Should Allow Me to Court You"
  9454. >"By Luna, age 1200"
  9455. >"Number one: best at hugs"
  9456. >"Number two..."
  9460. >Luna decides that the perfect time for reading her list is during a formal dinner
  9461. >it is five hundred points long
  9462. >number 355-410 is devoted to bedroom activities
  9463. >starts out innocently enough, with her claiming to be the most loving bedpartner ever
  9464. >then it gets lewder
  9465. >and lewder
  9466. >she's describing her toy-collection in full detail
  9467. >the room seems to get gets increasingly hotter the further she goes
  9468. >you can't fight against Anon jr. anymore, and he assumes full control
  9469. >Most of the aristocrats are either furiously blushing or looking extremely uncomfortable
  9470. >she reads further and further
  9471. >you never heard the term "analcircumference" before, but it almost made you pop a bloodvessel
  9472. >some of the more timid stallions around the table faints
  9479. >Velvet hates to admit it, but she's tired of Night Light
  9480. >He's losing his looks, getting wrinkled and flabby
  9481. >His cock doesn't get as hard as it used to, and he just doesn't have the stamina to give her a real dicking anymore
  9482. >He's still a sweetheart, but Velvet is going to go insane if she goes another week without a proper fuck
  9483. >She heads out on a 'business trip' to Manehattan, where she meets everyone's favorite apelien in a bar
  9485. >Anon goes full love doctor mode
  9486. >He isn't going to stand for this horse-degeneracy and betrayal
  9487. >Saves their marriage with help from Cadence and the M6, as well as anyone else the author wants to include
  9488. >Wins the heart of his waifu(s) in the process as long as Twilight Velvet isn't his waifu
  9496. >You are Anon, and you are making some breakfast for your herd.
  9497. >Your herdmates have places to go and people to see, and they need a balanced breakfast to start the day.
  9498. >"Morning, babe!"
  9499. >Before you can react, something smacks you in the ass, making it sting.
  9500. >You yelp in surprise and nearly drop your spatula onto the hot stovetop, which would have RUINED the pancakes you're making.
  9501. >Every fucking morning.
  9502. >It's the same thing.
  9503. >You spin around to tell off Cloudchaser - because it's ALWAYS Cloudchaser - and try to wipe that smirk off of her face.
  9504. >Just as you suspected, Cloudchaser's is standing right behind you, looking as smug as a waist-high miniature horse can look.
  9505. >"I see you're wearing that apron I got you for your birthday."
  9506. >She licks her lips as she eyes you up and down, lingering at your chest where the material is extra-tight.
  9507. >"It looks good on you."
  9508. >Flattery (or what barely passes for it) will get her nowhere.
  9509. "For fuck's sake, Cloudy, would you stop doing that? What if you startled me and I burnt myself?"
  9510. >Cloudchaser unfurls both wings and flicks the tips of them in agitation.
  9511. >"Easy there, big guy, easy. I just wanted to know if those pancakes are gonna be ready any time soon."
  9512. >You glance over to your skillet and see that the little circles of batter are starting to bubble, and you take that as your cue to flip them.
  9513. "Yeah, just give them a few more minutes. They're nearly finished."
  9514. >Cloudchaser flies up until she's at head-level with you.
  9515. >"Thanks, dear."
  9516. >She wraps her foreleg around her head and pulls you in for a big kiss on the cheek.
  9517. >"I'll be in the den with Flitter until then, okay?"
  9518. >With a pat on the cheek, Cloudchaser flies out the kitchen door.
  9519. >You hear her shout over her shoulder as she leave.
  9520. >"And don't forget, I like my pancakes with strawberry syrup instead of maple!"
  9521. >A moment later, she pokes her head back in.
  9522. >"Say, think we have time for a quickie? My boss has been riding my ass and I need a bit of stress relief."
  9528. >Twilight is interested in Anon but doesn't know a thing about courting stallions
  9529. >She's too embarrassed to ask her parents or friends for help, so she goes to her grandma in Canterlot for assistance
  9530. >When she returns to Ponyville and confronts Anon, she's a nervous stuttering mess
  9531. >Weakly slaps Anon on the ass and says that he has a nice ass
  9532. >Anon is too busy laughing to even be annoyed
  9533. >He brings her home and fucks the daylight out of her
  9540. >Every night for years, Anon dreams of an odd blue equine on the moon.
  9541. >She seems so real and lonely in the dream, so he feels the need to interact with her.
  9542. >And each time he returns, she's lonely and longing for company once more.
  9543. >One night at a time, he learns the story of Luna the alicorn and her backwards home, Equestria.
  9544. >Slowly, he begins to doubt these are even dreams.
  9545. >But what could be going on? Is Luna real? Or not?
  9546. >Regardless, he finds his heart yearning for the strange alien pony he meets each night. 
  9547. >Just the thought of her boldly proclaiming that she would "be his knight most chivalrous" makes him smile. 
  9548. >But after nearly 3 years, the dreams stop, leaving the human heart broken.
  9549. >Until his alien pony decides he should be at her side in person, that is.
  9551. >On the other side, Princess Luna struggles to keep sane with her 1000 years of isolation.
  9552. >Each day is a hard-fought battle to not submit to the madness gnawing on the edge of her mind.
  9553. >But one year in, she does something unexpected.
  9554. >Sleep takes her, and she dreams.
  9555. >And in her dream, is a strange bipedal male. One who doesn't fear. her. 
  9556. >In-fact, he APPROACHES her, an unsure offer of friendship ready. 
  9557. >It's all too good to be true. She found an escape.
  9558. >But as quick as it happens, the dream ends with him promising to come back.
  9559. >And so she waited.
  9560. >And wait for a whole year she did, until the next dream came.
  9561. >Each year, he came back, giving Luna the motivation to keep going.
  9562. >For 1000 years she lives like this. Learning more about her visitor and letting the precious memories hold her over. All the way to her freedom.
  9563. >But now free and at full power, the Princess will not be denied her most beloved companion any longer. The chivalrous princess NEEDS her sweet human.
  9564. >There's some time and space that needs broken
  9570. >Anon meets nursepone in a bar
  9571. >Reveals that he knew all about the "penis inspection day" thing and how it wasn't a real medical exam
  9572. >nursepone is shocked that he saw through her ruse
  9573. alt end
  9574. >Penis inspection day is a real life actual thing in Equestria and ponies in the medical profession take cock-health very seriously
  9579. >Applejack discovers what her brother has been doing at night to earn money and help keep the farm afloat
  9581.  He'd cover up his cutie mark and go by the name "Big Banana" while he's on duty
  9583. >Applejack is upset about her brother stripping to help pay the bills
  9584. >She's even more upset that his stage name is based on an inferior fruit
  9586. >"Ah don't care if it's a pun, Big Mac! Why not jus' call yerself 'Two Big Pears' while yer at it?!"
  9593. >CMC think they're of age to find a stallion to start a herd with
  9594. >Predictably, they choose Anon
  9595. >They use pick-up techniques they learned from their sisters (or in Scootaloo's case, from Rainbow Dash)
  9596. >Shenanigans occur
  9597. >Something something RGRE
  9604. >Be Anon in the kitchen.
  9605. >You're out of food.
  9606. >You need to go get some food.
  9607. >So you go to the shops.
  9608. >The shops seem a bit strange today.
  9609. >None of the products you usually buy are here.
  9610. >Also everyone around you is actually some sort of horse.
  9611. >One of the horses is sniffing at your crotch.
  9612. >You come to a realisation.
  9613. >Damnit this isn't the shops.
  9614. >This is those stables they have down at the garbage transfer place.
  9615. >You go back to your car and try going to the shops again.
  9616. >You're pretty sure this is the right location this time.
  9617. >You buy your food and drive home.
  9618. >The horse that was sniffing you earlier is in your driveway.
  9619. >You honk your horn to scare it off, but it just runs into your backyard.
  9620. >You'll have to deal with that at some point, but now you've got groceries to put away.
  9621. >You grab as many bags as you can hold and take them inside.
  9622. >You dump the bags on the table and go back to get more.
  9623. >You repeat the moving of groceries from your car into your house.
  9624. >After more boring moving of things from one place to another you have them all inside.
  9625. >Now that you have food, you can have lunch.
  9626. >You begin making lunch.
  9627. >It's just a few simple sandwiches, because fuck effort.
  9628. >You've just finished making the last one and are about to go eat them when everything goes blue.
  9629. >When the blue stops you see that you are no longer in your house, but instead are in a different house.
  9630. >This is very unexpected.
  9631. >Also unexpected are the oddly coloured horses who are also in the room with you.
  9632. >One of them is eyeing your sandwiches.
  9633. "Don't you get any ideas, these are my goddamn sandwiches."
  9634. >You protectively hold your food close to you with one hand while using the other to make shooing motions at the horses to ward them off.
  9635. >"Well it did summon sandwiches, even if it also brought the colt who made them. Here's your twenty bits."
  9636. >"Booyah, bits, snacks, and a bonus exotic stallion. Best spell ever."
  9643. >>Rarity is a hopeless romantic
  9644. >>Rainbow Dash is too, though she's loathe to admit it.
  9646. >Everyone thinks that a thirsty metrosexual like Rarity and a brash jock like Rainbow would be all kinds of dirty with poor, pure you in bed.
  9647. >Ha.
  9648. >No one knows that the first time you impulsively grabbed one and ate some candy vag, that both the receiver and watcher squealed like lolis in a hentai and went cherry red in the face. 
  9649. >It's not them corrupting you... but you corrupting them.
  9650. >And it's sooooo sweet
  9655. >Rara is desperately spending boatloads of money for gifts to woo you. Flowers, candies, spa dates, all kinds of shit. So is Dash, pulling out of her exorbitantly large prank fund for stuff like box seats to the Wonderbolts show and life size marble statues of her to put in your home
  9658. >Rainbow Dash organizes cloudless nights for stargazing
  9659. >Rarity finds joy in simple things like picnics and cuddling under the blankets
  9665. >Pinkie and Applejack are both interested in Anon
  9666. >Friendly competition for alpha, of the herd anon is unaware of yet
  9667. >both of them temping him through his stomach
  9668. >But Anon keeps politely declining Applejack's varied apple treats each time for pinkies confections
  9669. >Applejack becoming more frustrated confronts him, blowing the competition
  9671. >"Anon, why arn't my apples good enough for you!" she almost bawls with tears
  9672. "Your apples are just fine Jackie, I'm just allergic to them"
  9674. >cue a mental breakdown in Applejack
  9680. >In the old times, when one tribe conquered another, the defeated were often sold into slavery
  9681. >Mares took the healthiest and most virile stallions, keeping them for themselves
  9682. >Twilight messes up a spell, flinging Anon into the distant past
  9683. >Right into the middle of a town where one of Twilight's long flung descendants is about to invade
  9688. >Anon is sent into the distant past and lands in the middle of a three way war for supremacy
  9689. >Falls right into Princess Platinum's hooves and kept as a "prize" from a recent skirmish with revolting earth ponies.
  9690. >It's actually pretty comfy
  9697. >Big Mac finally got bitten by the love bug
  9698. >No not Chrysalis
  9699. >He finally decided it's time to get himself a mare
  9700. >His problem is that over the course of the last couple years, he's gotten himself into a love polygon, and the uneasy peace between the mares who've been pining after him is about to boil over when they figure out he's actually interested in romance now.
  9701. >Cherilee, Marble Pie, and Sugar Belle are the primary contestants with others coming out of the woodwork trying to snag the eligible bachelor before it's too late
  9702. >Rumor has it, even Princess Luna might have an interest in him.
  9704. >Big Mac always heard from his colt buddies that dealing with mares was easy, but that's not what he's finding out.
  9705. >And his littlest sister and her friends have gotten involved trying to help via Crusader Shenanigans, with very very mixed results
  9707. >Anon seems to know what he's doing, so Mac goes to everyone's favorite shitposter for advice
  9714. >Oh yeah, Twilight stole one of Sunbutt's "secret" spells, and gives Anon anal AND a blowjob at the same time, while simultaneously putting up a portal in front of her mouth so he dick finally fills up her horse pussy. 
  9715. She wants Anon to fill all her holes, ALL of them
  9717. >"We are honored to invite our very own, Princess Twilight Sparkle to present her thesis on teleportation."
  9718. "Thank you, Loud Voice. Today, I, Princess Twilight Sparkle would like to announce that I have made a new discovery in portal magic. Ladies, how would you like to receive three times the dick in one dicking."
  9719. >Gasps all around.
  9720. "Now you can."
  9728. >Eris is new to Equestria.
  9729. >It's such a boring plane.
  9730. >Idea.scroll
  9731. >What's this!?
  9732. >A scroll?
  9733. >I wonder what it says?
  9734. >>Take on a pseudonym
  9735. >>Deepen voice.
  9736. >>Play pranks on cute ponies.
  9737. >>Get away because stallionish whimsy
  9738. >That sounds like a good idea.
  9739. >She should really do that.
  9741. X thousand years later.
  9742. >Maybe that wasn't the best idea provoking Sunbutt Mc'Grumpypants like that.
  9743. >But at least you have a friend now.
  9744. >She keeps looking at this Monkey.
  9745. >Anon.
  9746. >What's the big deal about him?
  9747. >Speak of the pony, why is he running away?
  9748. >What is this bag?
  9749. >Are those firecrackers?
  9750. >Oh.
  9751. >Ooh.
  9752. >The naughty naughty boy,
  9753. >He should have a taste of his own medicine.
  9755. >Be Anon
  9756. >Flutters must have found out about your prank.
  9757. >She somehow managed to replicate it without fingers.
  9758. >You've finally found it.
  9759. >Someone who would actually prank you back, that doesn't live in the sky.
  9760. >You've missed this.
  9761. >Being on guard.
  9762. >Biding your time until it's time to strike back.
  9763. >It's on Fluttershy.
  9764. >Prepare your ponut
  9771. >Rainbow often makes soft chirps when she snuggles into his chest that turn her red with embarrassment immediately
  9772. >Subconsciously offers her wings to anon for him to preen, which is reserved for the closest of friends or mates
  9778. >Mares are condescending to Anon
  9779. >Act like he can't act competently because he has a penis
  9780. >Anon sets out to prove them wrong
  9781. >...and tries doing something he found out that he's actually really bad at
  9782. >Mares laugh and call him cute
  9788. >Pegasai foals don't cry much, as they whistle, cherp and peep instead.
  9789. >They even have instinctual sound patterns they use.
  9790. >One for "I'm hungry", one for "I want to play", one for "pick me up" and many others. 
  9791. >Pegasus parenting is easy mode without all the guesswork
  9796. >Single Anon is bros with Spike
  9797. >Ember comes for a diplomatic meeting
  9798. >Anon flirts with some of the lower dragon delegation, helped by their predator fetish
  9799. >Spike sees this and asks for help with his main crush
  9800. >Worse Whorse (after Trash)
  9801. >Anon helps Cyrano spike to woo his lady friend "Rarity"
  9802. >Accidentally ignites Embers spark for Spike with accidental apex predator wooing advice
  9803. >Rarity sees through spike and falls for Cyrano Anon, with all his romance-schromance
  9805. >Ember pursues spike
  9806. >Rarity pursues anon
  9807. >Spike resents anon
  9808. >Anon doesn't want to spite his bro
  9814. > petting a bird below the neck feels sexual to it
  9815. >you will never inadvertently molest a large portion of Ponyville's pegasus population
  9816. >they like it
  9817. >Anon is unaware of his bad-touching
  9818. >Begins a relationship with some mare
  9819. >Jealous, several pegasus mares tug feathers out of their wings and make angry crowing noises when they see Anon and his marefriend
  9821. >Socially-awkward pegasus wonders if she's part of a herd after Anon absent-mindedly pats her on the back
  9823. >just shows up next morning in his house making him breakfast
  9824. >anon doesn't even ask why just rolls with it
  9825. >crazier stuff happens in horse-land anyway, free homemade breakfast is nothing to sneeze at
  9827. >socially awkward to the point of silence
  9828. >always around him somewhere
  9829. >her feathers are always sticking out of his cloths no matter how many he cleans off
  9831. >so socially sheltered she's constantly blushing at all his cloths 
  9832. >Anon never knows they are horsemarried, but is the lewdest with all his platonic affection
  9834. >She's aggressively protective of him
  9835. >he doesn't quite know it
  9837. >Everything was going fine, until the fire nation attacked (her first heat)
  9838. >she's doesn't want to damage her lewd virgin husbando
  9839. >she asks him what the birds and the bees are
  9840. >he tries to explain as if to a friend
  9841. >her lust filled mind just takes over
  9842. >rape
  9851. >C'mon Anon, you can do this. Just like Celestia instructed.
  9852. >Get in there, strut your stuff and finish this war before it begins.
  9853. >Both dragonesses that lead you here open the wide door in front of you.
  9854. >As you step inside you notice the only occupant sitting atop her tremendous horde.
  9855. >The door behind you slams shut, leaving you alone with the royal dragoness.
  9856. >A few solid gold coins topple and roll from the gigantic pile as she slithers down from her vantage.
  9857. >"So, you are the pitiful creature that has threatened my kingdom?"
  9858. >She crawls over to you, serpentine and dangerous.
  9859. "Well, more like 'bartered with'."
  9860. >Her eyes narrow as she stands up at full height in front of your, her hot breath escaping her fiery mouth as she speaks.
  9861. >"You dare to insult a Queen by wagging your silvery tongue, beast!?"
  9862. >You are about to flinch when you notice her full height is still a whole foot shorter than you.
  9863. >She seems to notice too if the indignant yet surprised looks she's giving you is anything to go on.
  9864. >You gain a sly grin.
  9865. "Don't play dumb with me Emby"
  9866. >Her face takes on a tiny blush as you give her a pet name.
  9867. >"Insolent male whelp! You dare-"
  9868. >You grab her by her scaly waist; pulling her close to your body.
  9869. "We both know what my kind is capable of, Dragon."
  9870. >Her face falters at your actions and words, she desperately tries to keep the facade of stoicism up, but her growing blush betrays her.
  9871. "The war would be ultimately fruitless."
  9872. >You run your hand down her side, resting it on her smooth ass cheek.
  9873. "I would 'spear' every dragoness that comes close."
  9874. >Her face shows open fear now, the wetness on her thighs indicates her arousal however.
  9875. "Luckily, I come to you with a compromise."
  9876. >You slap her on the ass, causing her to yelp.
  9877. "Sacrifice yourself to me, and no dragoness will feel the wrath of my 'spear' or 'silvery tongue'."
  9878. >She breaks from your grasp, falling to the ground and shuffling to her horde desperately.
  9879. "You on the other hand, will feel them daily."
  9886. "Oh Shiny I know you want a foal but you know that alicorns are sterile."
  9887. >"Oh is that the problem? That is easy to fix!"
  9888. >You give him a confused look
  9889. "What do you mean? How can you fix that?"
  9890. >Shiny gets up from where he was on the couch and rushes to the phone
  9891. >"Well I~ cant fix that. There is one pony who can."
  9892. "Shiny please tell me you aren't calling Twily. I love the girl but I would rather her not use my body as a science project."
  9893. >He chuckles that cute little chuckle of his
  9894. >"No no no. You see the Sparkle family has an old friend who helps in times like this. We call him "The Surrogate""
  9895. "The surrogate what?"
  9896. >"Just the surrogate. You see any time a sparkle mare cant get pregnant the family calls him up. For some reason he can imprenate even sterile mares and his foals always come out strong. That is why house Sparkle is the most numerous and magically inclined noble house. He has been doing his job for CENTURIES."
  9897. >Your jaw drops as he explains
  9898. "Wait, centuries? So he is some sort of withered old stallion?"
  9899. >An image of an impressively ancient stallion fucking you makes you shiver
  9900. >You love Shiny but you are not sure you are into wrinkly old cock
  9901. >"Oh no he doesn't age. Also he isn't really a pony. He is a human and...well he is sort of like a minotaur but with less...cow?"
  9902. >You cant even picture it
  9903. "So you are going to call him up and...what?"
  9904. >"Oh well he will come and you two will"
  9905. >He scrunches his nose and motions with his hooves
  9906. >"And when he is done you will be pregnant. Now shush I need to make a call."
  9907. >You sit and think about some minotaur plowing your slit
  9908. >It doesnt take long and you feel the juices flowing
  9909. >"Hey dad? Yeah well it turns out that Cadence is sterile. Is there any chance you could call Anon? Oh he is in the room right now! Great! Can you get him a ticket to come over? Thanks! Also you might tell Twilight now is the time if ever. You know she has trouble talking to stallions. Alright Love you. Bye."
  9910. >He hangs up the phone and turns to you
  9911. >"He will be here in a week! I hope you are ready to be a mom cause when he is done you will be one."
  9912. >You want to be excited about the prospects of parenthood
  9913. >The only problem is you are far to excited about getting a guilt free romp with some exotic stallion.
  9914. >Him knocking you up in the process just makes you wink all the faster
  9919. >Nightmare Moon makes it public knowledge that she's keeping Anon as a concubine
  9920. >In private, things are different
  9921. >After a long day's work, she goes to her room and removes her armour/regalia
  9922. >She immediately collapses onto her bed in exhaustion and bats at Anon until he starts giving her kisses and belly rubs
  9924. >"Those fools have no idea who they're dealing with."
  9925. "Mm-hmm..."
  9926. >"I'll show them, Anon. I'll show them all!"
  9927. "I know you will, sweetie."
  9928. >"...did you make that salad I like?"
  9929. "It's in the fridge; second shelf on the left."
  9931. >"You'd tell me if my staff were treating you improperly, wouldn't you?"
  9932. "Of course I would."
  9933. >"If they can't treat a colt right, then they have absolutely no business having the honour of serving me."
  9934. "You'll be the first to know if they step out of line, okay?"
  9935. >"...you're very precious to me, Anon. You're the most beautiful and brightest star in my night sky."
  9936. "I love you too, Moons."
  9941. >NMM sealed Celestia and Twi in the moon
  9942. >Realized that she fucked up
  9943. >Celestia always did all the hard work even before
  9944. >Anon helps calm her down and gets her to rethink her rule
  9945. >She slowly becomes less evil though she wont put up with bullshit
  9946. >She also becomes more and more attached to Anon
  9952. >Nightmare Moon takes on her own form after being purged from Luna.
  9953. >Reluctantly gives up. 
  9954. >Now she spends her days giving Luna shit for being a a gangly beta autist. 
  9955. >It's all magnified since Nightmare is more or less a turbo-chad bad filly that can keep even fickle stallions orbiting her.
  9956. >Meanwhile Luna just wants to be left alone to do her own thing
  9962. >You are Nightmare Moon, Queen of the Dark.
  9963. >And you sigh contently as you settle on the human sized loveseat lengthwise, letting you stretch out.
  9964. >The pillow you rest against has your lover's robust aroma, making the furniture that much more relaxing.
  9965. >The book in your azure magical grip wavers, then is set down the coffee table as you decide to simply doze.
  9966. >You could watch the "television" invention that had taken Equestria by storm in recent years, but decide against that as well.
  9967. >You roll your eyes after looking at the large box of a machine in the living room. A box that plays moving images broadcast from far away. What will they think of next?
  9968. >A sudden scent and the sound of sizzling coming from the kitchen made your nose twitch and ears perk.
  9969. >That must be your beloved preparing dinner.
  9970. >Without warning, your stomach grumbles, wanting the delicacies being prepared in the other room.
  9971. >It still amazes you that your beloved can turn common fare into mouth-watering cuisine. The sort that puts the royal chiefs of old to shame.
  9972. >Or maybe your relationship is coloring your opinion? You find it hard to speak ANY sort of ill about the father of your unborn foal.
  9973. >Your stomach growls again, reminding you that you eat for two now. 
  9974. >Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you shift on the couch and resign yourself to waiting. 
  9975. >Not even 2 months in, and the small lump on your belly is making you ravenous at just the smell of food.
  9976. >It would be unseemly for a queen to try and beg food out of her soon-to-be husb-
  9977. >Wait, you aren't a queen anymore. You have no need to hold yourself to such stifling standards.
  9978. >With a small smile, you rise and walk to the kitchen, intent on trying to sneak away with a treat.
  9979. >Idly, you wonder what Celestia and Luna are doing.
  9980. >Whatever it is, they can't be enjoying themselves as much as you are
  9987. Anon is friendless in RGRE
  9988. He hires a gigolo to cuddle.
  9989. Since prostitutes are stallions, it would make sense that gigolos are good looking mares.
  9995. >Anon has an idea
  9996. >He takes a few magazines with him and goes over to the train station
  9997. >Inhaleing deeply he yells
  9999. >At this moment he was bombarded with willing partners
  10000. >Choosing one at random, they head off to a seedy motel... which in equestria turns out to not have cockroaches and is closer to 4 star then 3 on earth, but for some reason rated one here
  10001. >As the mare gets on the bed to present, anon tosses the magazines on the bed
  10002. >She begins winking
  10003. "So here is the plan, I want to read porn while useing a pony like a sex doll"
  10004. >Winking intensifies
  10005. >Unable to speak she just nods.
  10007. >About 10 minutes in and many orgasims later, anon sees an image and pauses... 
  10008. >He looks at her cutie mark, then at the image...
  10009. "Cool, so... You are a porn star miss..."
  10010. >She looks a bit shocked, but snaps out, manginging to pant out
  10011. >"Wooden... woodenlilly"
  10012. "Cool, so... have to ask, you bi or gay for pay?"
  10013. >Before she can answer, a vice like grip tells anon she is cumming again, his cue to go over the hump with her
  10014. >He picks her up from behind and slams in till they both make a mess of the bed.
  10016. >As the two pant and recover, anon is the first to move
  10017. "So... so there is another bed over there... want to ruin it too?"
  10023. > Be Anon, trying to drink away the bad feels
  10024. > Considering the local bar only serves chocolate milk variations, it's not working too well
  10025. > You try to force the drunkenness
  10026. "Ye-you know what, Pinkie Ponko Plump Rump?"
  10027. > You frown blearily at her
  10028. > It's late, and you are kinda tired
  10029. > But isn't her hair supposed to be a big poofy, curly mess?
  10030. > You mean, it looks fine straightened, but that doesn't seem like her style
  10031. > She knocks back a shot of strawberry milk
  10032. > "Is it a guessing gaaaaame?"
  10033. > She gives you a half smile
  10034. > "I'm gooood at guessing games."
  10035. > Wow, no exclamation point, something's up
  10036. > Well, everyone has their own troubles, if they are at the Bitter Drink at this time of night
  10037. > You shake your head
  10038. "Nah, not that. Lemme tell you, when I was home, home on Earth. You know what? I didn't touch nobody. Nopony. Like, maybe shaking hands once a month. Thas'all."
  10039. > Pinkie shifts on her bar stool
  10040. > "Thas terrible! No hugs or snugs? Wait. Did you shake hands with uh, hehe, guys?"
  10041. > She waggles her eyebrows suggestively
  10042. > Damn pervert
  10043. "Yeah, I did. But never mind that. You know what happened when I got here?"
  10044. > Her brow furrows as she tries to remember
  10045. > "I gashped at you, and threw a party?"
  10046. "Mmm yes, that happened. But still, even here..."
  10047. > You take a sip of your chocolate milk
  10048. "Nopony touches me. Is a hug too much to ask?"
  10049. > Pinkie's eyes go wide
  10050. > "Can- can I hug you?"
  10051. > You open your arms wide
  10052. "Go for it."
  10053. > She hops onto your lap, wrapping her forelegs around you, resting her head on your shoulder
  10054. > You sigh in contentment, comforted by the warmth of another being
  10055. > You hold her close, rubbing little circles on her back
  10056. > She nuzzles at the side of your neck, and you feel your heart swell at the sensation
  10057. > You squeeze her sightly, nuzzling her neck
  10058. > It feels so good, at long last
  10059. > And for some reason, her hair is inflating and returning to its curly shape
  10061. > Be Pinkie Pie
  10063. > This poor stallion needs a snuggle buddy, not a fuggle buddy
  10064. > But maybe if you play your cards right...
  10071. Anon and some of his friends get drunk in the city while bla bla is doing blaa blaaaaa blaaaaaaaaaaaa, when they meet some unfriendly types. Imagine internet trolls in real life, but drunk and in equestria. 
  10073. They get into a heated argument. Then one of them drops a bomb
  10075. >"You know what, do this world a favor an BUCKING KILL YOURSELF"
  10076. >Its like its the worst thing anyone can tell another to do in this world
  10077. >Many ponies are sad
  10078. >Some look about ready to defend your honor
  10079. >But all you can do is laugh
  10080. >A bit more drunk then you realize you let yourself go
  10081. >"The BUCK are you laughing at?"
  10082. "Thats how I ended up here in the first place"
  10083. >Anon gets uncomfortably close and tells the little shit in detail what he did and what the end result would have looked like
  10084. >More then a few ponies are sad, crying, or trying to hold their bile in
  10085. >Anons friends however, are stunned that they finally learned how anon came into the world. 
  10087. >Next morning, anon doesn't remember shit
  10088. >He got drunk on the good stuff
  10089. >His friend shave no idea how to broach the bombshell he dropped last night. 
  10090. >Thinking that maybe it was just anon lying again, he does that often, till they see the remnants of scar tissue
  10096. >Appul has a crush on Anon
  10097. >Anon is a lazybones
  10098. >Appul has trouble reconciling the idea of her perfect horsebando being allergic to work
  10105. >Anon says things like "Oh fuck." and "What the fuck." a lot.
  10106. >Estrus hits.
  10107. >Mares conveniently "mishear" him and "think" he's asking to fuck
  10112. >Rarara is an unashamed turbo-fedora that isn't repulsive. 
  10113. >She gets the guy like in the fairy tales and fanfics she totally doesn't read.
  10114. >A few brave mares try with normal stallions after seeing that.
  10115. >They get weird looks, offence, or (laughs in slut) from the stallions
  10122. >Anon's pony equivalent is already living with a herd of true waifus
  10123. >Since they're technically the same person, Anonpone allows Anonman to join them
  10124. >Anonpone is happy to have another stallion around the house, especially one he relates to so well
  10125. >The mares are just glad to have another dick to ride
  10131. >Daring Do, and of course her nemesis Ahuizotl, both discover evidence that points to the lost city of Man
  10132. >(or lost continent, the legends are a little vague)
  10133. >Shenanigans ensue on the race to find the city and prevent Ahuizotl from using the lost magical human superweapons to take over the world
  10134. >It's under the sea for one, requiring them to deal with both seaponies and sirens before they can get to it
  10136. >Then when they get there, it's not empty ruins like they expected.
  10137. >Living breathing humans still live there, cut off from the rest of the world
  10138. >They may be a mere shadow of their former glory, but they still live.
  10139. >They're also (from Daring's perspective) RGR, led by King Anonymous
  10141. >To her immense surprise, for once in her life, she has an easier time convincing the natives that she's the hero and Ahuizotl is the bad one, because humans are more likely to believe a cute mare asking for help than a freaky whatever he is asking where they keep the really dangerous stuff.
  10143. >To his immense disappointment, there are no superweapons or crazy magical artifacts around.
  10144. >Unless you count HMD's and he don't swing that way
  10151. >FalloutAnon winds up in RGRE!FO:E
  10152. >Halfway through LittlePip's quest
  10153. >Pipboy says he's friendly
  10154. >Even though he's labelled a MareKiller
  10155. >Still a few feet taller than anyone
  10156. >His own dedication autism led him to min/max for stealth
  10157. >Skin-tight stealth suit
  10158. >covered in bags of loot
  10159. >creeps through raider/slaver encampments
  10160. >kills everyone
  10161. >takes everything that isn't nailed down
  10162. >tries to sell it to the nearest trader, they don't have enough caps
  10163. >invests thousands of caps in trade routes
  10164. >mares try to convince him to take them along, but he tells them they're too loud
  10165. >"Oh, I'll make you loud, too..."
  10166. "What?"
  10167. >"N-nothing."
  10168. >Puts scavengers and salvagers out of business
  10169. >There isn't a scrap for miles
  10170. >Derpy has it all
  10171. >Every mug, clipboard, empty bottle, scrap of ammo, or weapon
  10172. >Slavers want him for best sex slave
  10173. >Raiders start to worship him like a demon god they must appease
  10174. >Settlers want to repopulate the world with his seed
  10175. >Anon just wants more caps
  10180. >barbarian lord anon
  10181. >defeats Ladies and queens makes them into his harem
  10182. >several fiefs and 2 queens have already been brought low by non consensual hugging
  10183. >the latest queen looks beyond her castle walls and sees what she's up against
  10189. Anon baffles the fuck out of the ponies.
  10191. He's male because he has a penis, but socially and behaviourally is like a mare. When he's seen, that is.
  10193. He prefers to live alone in his little Everfree camp, and often moves when ponies stumble across him.
  10195. Cadence, being the nosy whorse she is, tries to set him up with a mare. 
  10197. The catch? Magic goes haywire when interacting with him, often unpredictably for the caster.
  10199. Anon just wants to be left alone from this crazy bitch.
  10204. Anon's meeting with Luna is a disaster: on Nightmare Night, she tries to scare him. He throws her through a wall.
  10206. While ponies are outraged, Luna is happy: even if he has a dick, she's finally met someone who isn't a complete pansy in this day and age.
  10208. Thus, an odd bromance is formed.
  10210. Now, if only her sister would stop hitting on the increasingly annoyed Anon, and being a misandriast
  10215. >Anon is a cowboy
  10216. >Like, an actual wild west cowboy, not some fat truck driver hauling an 18-wheeler full of cattle
  10217. >After arriving in Equestria, he manages to sign on to a cattle drive from Appleoosa to Ponyville
  10218. >It's a good job, exactly how he remembers it, except the cows talk
  10219. >And flirt with him
  10220. >A lot
  10225. >Anon is marching toward the pool
  10226. >He has a line of ponies on each leg, holding on to each other trying to stop him
  10227. >"Anon, you have to stop! The water is too dangerous for you! You'll drown!"
  10228. >He keeps going, dragging all the ponies toward the water.
  10229. "Ah, but you are all WRONG. For I, am a SEAMONKEY!"
  10230. >One of the ponies asks, "Is that like a seapon-EEEEEE!"
  10231. >He jumps into the pool, taking all of the ponies with him into the deep end.
  10233. >Tiny Appul paddles over to him from the shallow end with her floaties to save him
  10239. >Pone has crush on Anon
  10240. >Anon takes pone home and fucks her raw
  10241. >Pone thinks that this is the start of a beautiful relationship
  10242. >Wakes up to a cold bed
  10243. >Turns out that anon was just looking for a quick fuck
  10244. >"Oh Celestia, is this what I've been doing to stallions all that time?"
  10245. >Something something RGRE
  10251. >Anon wants a pet, but all of Flutterbutt's animals are either too scared of him or they wouldn't make a great pet.
  10252. >(Who would want a pet wasp?! Honestly!)
  10253. >Flutters decides to do the sensible thing.
  10254. >By sensible, she needs to scratch an itch and she wants to cure Anon's pet problems.
  10255. >So she puts on a collar and a leash, walks up to Anon with the leash in her mouth and a sign hanging from the collar: "Pet me."
  10256. >Something, something RGRE
  10258. >"Bark bark."
  10259. >Translation: Is this your fetish Anon?
  10265. >Anon collapses during a get-together with the mane six after complaints of hunger even though he recently ate
  10266. >The mares freak out and help him into his house before sending a group out to get a doctor
  10267. >The doctor arrives to hysterics as Rainbow Dash desperately shakes a half-conscious Anon in a bid to 'keep him from going into the light'
  10268. >After her male nurse calms them down enough for her to work and ask the light-headed human a few questions, she states that she knows what his problem may be, and that, in fact, she's dealt with it before in vacationing Gryphons
  10269. >She sends her assistant back to the office, and a short while later he returns (with noticeable discomfort) holding a moist sack of grim-smelling gunk in his mouth
  10270. >The mane six are taken aback when they learn that the contents of the sack the doctor mare is warming the pan in the kitchen for is neither vegetables, fruits, nor sugars, but some manner of preserved flesh
  10271. >Each of them protest as the doctor throws the cooked and still partially bloody meat onto a plate and makes for the loopy human, each insisting that she was going to make the poor colt sick with the gore she'd concocted
  10272. >She does little more but hold the plate under his nose, rousing him gently from his grogginess purely from the smell
  10273. >Just as the mane six is reaching the end of their patience and their confidence in her medical expertise, Anon seizes the frightening food into his bare claws and sinks his teeth in
  10274. >Reddish-brown liquid trickles down the side of his mouth as he vigorously tears pieces from the main body and devours them
  10275. >Twilight and Pinkie are both cringing back but visibly intrigued
  10276. >Dash, Rarity and AJ each seem noticeably confused and faintly disturbed 
  10277. >Fluttershy's wings are at full mast and twitching
  10280. >Dear Princess Celestia
  10281. >Sometimes your friends have different dietary needs than you do, and that's okay.
  10282. >If your friend is the only one of his kind and isn't particularly learned in his species' biology, he might not know what nutrients he needs and he may suffer for it.
  10283. >Today I reaffirmed my belief that colts are silly, air-headed creatures.
  10284. >Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle
  10290. >Estrus season rolls around again so all the mares in town burst into song and choreographed dancing to tell Anon why he should fuck them
  10296. >Succubi are constantly being summoned by lonely colts interested more in a relationship than sex
  10297. >Succubusmare's face when Anon is interested equally in both
  10304. >Anon gets bodyswapped with Twi
  10305. >Spends the entire time telling stallions to "Fuck off!" and being rude to them
  10306. >He spends an uncomfortable week resisting the urge to touch himself
  10307. >Finally Twi gets back and switches their bodies back
  10308. >Twi finds out that there are no less than four stallions that want in her pants
  10309. >Is horribly utterly confused
  10316. The alicorns, used to having stallions falling over themselves for them, are kinda surprised when Anon says he doesn't find them attractive.
  10318. Cadence acts like his annoying sister, so that kills his why-boner dead. Plus, he thinks she looks like something that fell into a vat of syrup.
  10320. Celestia is too gangly and has an ass that eclipses Luna's moon.
  10322. Twilight is Chublight.
  10324. Luna is... Luna.
  10326. Insulted and a little worried, they go on diets, change their mane-styles, etcetera
  10333. >Day Spoopy
  10334. >Be Anon
  10335. >Little horses are running about in costumes
  10336. >Even the Adults
  10337. >One mare is getting particularly aggressive about the amount of candy being given out
  10338. >Crazy bitch is dressed like K=Pop idol or some shit.
  10339. >Got like Thugnificent, just to massive, pink, puff-balls on either side of her head.
  10340. >…
  10341. >And she just got knocked the fuck-out.
  10342. >Whelp, back to drinking alone in your house while wearing a hockey-mask.
  10343. >Truly you are living the Miller High Life
  10344. >”Trick or Treat~!”
  10345. >…Fuck it, time to scare children
  10346. >You pick up your machete and walk towards your front door
  10347. >Slamming the door open, you roar like a battle retard while waving your prop-blade over your head
  10348. >… There’s no one out here and ponies are staring at you in confusion
  10349. >A couple look afraid.
  10350. >Mission accomplished you guess…
  10351. >”… Thou darest to strike against-“
  10353. >A massive blue horse is sent flying through your house, breaking through one of your walls
  10354. >Fuck
  10355. “Fuck."
  10360. >”Are you seriously going to wear that thing as your costume for nightmare night?”
  10361. “Of course, this may be the greatest costume I ever created, leaps and bounds over my Magneto costume last year.”
  10362. >”Anon… it’s just a tinfoil hat.”
  10363. “It’s not ‘just’ a tinfoil hat Twilight, it’s a conspiracy tin foil hat. With this on everyone will know just how crazy I am.”
  10364. >”I’m pretty sure they think that already.”
  10365. >That one hurt just a little.
  10366. >”You’re not going out wearing that thing.”
  10367. >”You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my mom.”
  10368. >”No I’m not your mom, I’m your wife, and as such I am not going to walk around town with you while you make an idiot of yourself again.”
  10369. >Twilight emphasized her point by bringing her hoof down on the hardwood floor.
  10370. >The mare of the house had spoken.
  10371. >But you wouldn’t be stopped, not now, or ever.
  10372. >She may be your wife, but you are Anon, the man who laughed in the face of danger.
  10373. >And no equine would stop you.
  10374. >Holding your head high, you made for the door.
  10375. >The dignity of mankind rested on your shoulders now, and you were going to do it proud by wearing the shit out of this hat.
  10377. >Why did you ever think this was a good idea?
  10378. “Curses on you- you- damn hat!”
  10379. >Conspiracy tinfoil hats are supposed to be funny, meant to make you look like a fool.
  10380. >They’re not actually supposed to goddamn’ work!
  10381. >After donning the foil hat, you started to notice things.
  10382. >Odd things.
  10383. >To be honest this world was about as odd as it got, but this was odder? Is that the right word for it?
  10384. >Never mind, that’s not important right now.
  10385. >What is important is that you saw things, things that didn’t make sense.
  10386. >Like Pinkie Pie.
  10387. >The mare who could pop out of nowhere, you saw her hiding in a pot, almost as if you had x-ray vision.
  10388. >She was curled up tightly, grinning to herself, just waiting to catch someone unaware as they passed by.
  10389. >As for Flutters, this was going to sound weird, but when she was talking with the birds, you could understand them.
  10390. >Almost like a speech bubble, the words appeared above their heads. And they were fucked up little birds.
  10391. >You are scared.
  10392. >Twilight tried to warn you that this was a bad idea.
  10393. >You didn’t listen!
  10394. >Why didn’t you just listen!?
  10400. >Anon is a social retard
  10401. >Combined with not quite getting pony body language, he can't tell that mares are actually hitting on him unless they are blatantly obvious about it (to the point where it becomes funny or loops back around to being horribly unfunny).
  10403. >Goes around rejecting mares who are trying to get a date, clueless as to what they were actually trying to.
  10404. >He thought they were just trying to hang out or something, and he already had plans or whatever.
  10405. >Sad pones have been unintentionally friendzoned
  10410. > Be Anon, hanging out in the Crystal Friendship Castle Playset library in your boxers
  10411. > It's your compromise with the "clothes are lewd" thing the ponies have
  10412. > It was a little embarrassing at first, but you got used to it eventually
  10413. > They'll just have to keep their winking to themselves once it gets colder
  10414. > In the mean time, you earn your living drawing portraits of pony nobility
  10415. > This is not to say that you are especially good at portraiture, just that there is something of a trend among the nobles to have an "Authentic Human Rendition" made
  10416. > Far be it from you to turn down plentiful money, and you only make one once a month
  10417. > This, of course, drove the demand up rather high and with it, the price you charge
  10418. > The job security is all well and good, but it also means that there was a great deal of contention before the Princess of Bureaucracy stepped in and made a schedule
  10419. > Understandingly, there were those who wish to cut in line, offering bribes, ambushing you outside of your apartment, that sort of thing
  10420. > It got to be such a hassle that you ultimately moved into the castle of a certain purple princess
  10421. > It helps that the library is extensive, you have always liked to read
  10422. > "Huh."
  10423. > Looks like your reading buddy has something she wants to share
  10424. "Yes?"
  10425. > Twilight's voice is slightly muffled by the book hovering in front of her face
  10426. > "It says here, that, uh, 'Minotaur penises vary in length and girth, both before and after erection, sometimes irrespective of it's previous state.' Is this true for humans too?"
  10427. > You are pretty sure the question isn't entirely academic, but there probably isn't any harm in answering it
  10428. "Yup."
  10429. > You aren't the most helpful of research subjects
  10430. > "And in your, ah, personal experience?"
  10431. > You look up from your book
  10432. > Despite her efforts to hide behind the book, you can see her blushing
  10433. > To be fair, you aren't exactly comfortable with the question yourself
  10434. "I'd rather not say."
  10435. > She lowers the book, embarrassment shifting into concern
  10436. > "Is that why you insist on boxers? Some sort of size-based insecurity?"
  10437. > You frown
  10438. "There's also the whole modesty thing, I know I told you about that."
  10439. > She sets the book down, staring straight into your eyes
  10440. > "I understand that, but you are already becoming desensitized to casual nudity. Anon, you don't have to worry about having a penis smaller than the average stallion's. When it comes to mares, the size doesn't matter, we're just happy to see a dick."
  10445. Many centuries ago, a great evil was sealed beneath Canterlot Mountain. It took representatives from each of the major races of Equestria to do it, and after the hard-fought battle, they set up alarms tied to their bloodlines so they and their descendants would know quickly if the evil ever showed signs of breaking free from its imprisonment.
  10447. Cue Anon, in present day RGRE.
  10448. Hiking around the Canterlot foothills, he stumbles across a nearly completely hidden cave, overgrown by plant life and clearly forgotten. Within is a strange structure, one so interesting he simply must get a closer look… until Pinkie Pie shoots up out of his pocket, startling him and causing him to demolish the structure entirely through improbable happenstance and luck.
  10450. Beneath the structure, Anon finds a passage deeper into the mountain. Compelled to continue exploring (Pinkie shouting "Do it, faggot!"), he discovers a misshapen form composed of a mish-mash of numerous animal parts, curled into a ball, softly slumbering.
  10452. Anon, having realized he's totally fucked up and landed himself into some bastardized shounen anime trope, tries to nope the fuck out before it's too late, but his hasty exit only serves to wake up the obvious super powerful ancient entity that used to be taking a nice nap in the center of the room.
  10454. The form uncurls, stretching its limbs and yawning with a particularly feminine tone to its voice. It is, of course, the dreaded Space Pirate/Chaos Entity Eris, and she's very attractive to Anon- I mean, attracted to Anon- wait, that's not right- grateful to Anon for freeing her from her long torment. Or possibly all three, and she intends to show him just how "grateful" she is.
  10456. Meanwhile, the descendants of those who sealed her so long ago have felt the disturbance and panicked, dropping everything to get to Equestria as quickly as possible.
  10458. Anon's life is about to go full Tenchi Muyo, and he never got past the Kagato arc. Ryoko is best girl, anyway
  10462. >Be Anon in Animuquestria
  10463. >You are a dudette from some sort of earth place but you are now in Equestria for some sort of poorly-explained reason.
  10464. >You are the little boy here because gender roles are all backwards
  10465. >But you don't give a shit about that because you're poking around under Celestia's housetain
  10466. >There's got to be some sort of cool shit down here.
  10467. >Pinkie is with you because she's your sidekick or something.
  10468. >She's carrying lunch and stuff for the two of you so you're not going to tell her she can't come.
  10469. >Anyway it's all crystally and miney down here.
  10470. >The diggy hole kind of mine, not the explodey when you step on it kind.
  10471. >Ponies didn't get that second kind of mine until you taught them about them, and being new they are not in dusty old places like this.
  10472. >They're out in pony-cambodia blowing legs off the unlucky.
  10473. >You and pinkie have just gone down another rickety old ladder when you come across something cooler than the rest of the mine so far.
  10474. >It's a ominous sto