stevetsl

what's up TSL online this is our
Saturday call and man a lot of good
questions today good stuff but this
one's on social anxiety and the reason
why I wanted to take this because this
came up repeatedly during the week about
social anxiety and even on our members
page if you're not familiar with that
you can actually watch a ton of videos
and i would actually if you are at ESL
online member then go to your membership
page and check out last Wednesday's call
because it's up there it's a demo of our
social anxiety program and it really
breaks down a lot you can actually
download the mp3 of it there if you want
to listen to it or you can watch the
video but if you're not at ESL member
then go to the sexual life calm / member
you can find out all about it but so
social anxiety we have a very different
take on it here and uh first off earlier
this week I got asked by a guy who I was
helping out as a friend of mine and he
has a he has some social anxiety and he
was like Steve man look the stuff you
told me about you know the situation of
media women and all that sort of stuff
and the different products that you gave
me he was looking at formula 69 that
stuff can actually harm me because I
have social anxiety disorder or whatever
he had classified it called it he did
all this research online I was like hey
man look no no no I didn't say that
every single one of those videos I say
if you have social anxiety then there's
a different route that you have to take
first it doesn't mean that anything is
bad or whatever you just got to start at
a different place in your life can be
really great that's one thing that the
TSL community is absolutely proven to do
but he brought up this interesting point
there's things that you could do that
will make you worse and we see this over
and over again I just want to touch upon
this briefly one of the biggest things
that we see with social anxiety is that
you're supposed to do social freedom
exercises these are social pressure
exercise like do push-ups in public or
you know moon walk around somebody or go
up to somebody and say you have an STD
and scratch your dick and where's that
Stewie clinic or whatever these things
are all fake they are dependent upon you
being somebody else and for you and you
getting in a false state so what happens
is you pump yourself up you get certain
results
and you think it's really good and then
a couple hours later or the next day
they wear off and you're going okay why
am I afraid again why is there something
wrong again this isn't working and this
will actually make somebody who doesn't
have social anxiety have social anxiety
and it'll confuse the out of you in
fact I could even say it happened to me
because when I started doing this in
2005 so totally different world you know
I came to the point where I was like man
I hate approaching people because it has
nothing to do like the stuff that pickup
says makes you like needing to approach
almost has nothing to do with having sex
with women like I can meet women all
these other ways anyway long story short
that's not the advice of course that I
gave to my buddy about social anxiety
but it put him in the same dynamic of
pushing trying hard for certain things
and there's too much adrenaline in it
and when we have something that isn't in
our natural state like this push this
this fight or whatever it is and we turn
that into being social it gives us a
false situation environment and all
these other things that that make it
really difficult for us to get natural
and normal results so one thing that I
look at this number one being social is
not a fight being social is one of the
most normal things and being sexual is
one of the most normal things and that's
where we want to get so if somebody has
social anxiety there's a couple things
that we want to look at we're going to
look at one of those main factors here
and that's a social action the other
things are we have to get in touch with
our fear we have to look at what
triggers us we have to get to know
ourselves this is massive okay it's not
about hiding that it's not about running
from the fear we need to get to know it
we need to get to know what triggers us
what you know is causing us to feel
something physically mentally
emotionally and we have to be okay with
that and stop getting it then turning
that into a panic state okay but the
number one thing that is absolutely true
is we also need to get into social
behavior that feels normal because when
we feel abnormal becomes an exaggeration
and it moves into man just a false state
of reality it's not you it's totally
up it's not you what a shitty
thing and that's where we build that
dynamic that
buddy was talking about where it can
make you worse so what are some things
that we can do right now to feel better
about being social so it TSL one of the
main things that we always say one of
the basics is to say hello but guys who
have major social anxiety who panic
whose palms sweat hearts beat they start
to get into fight or flight mode if the
thought of being social saying hello can
be traumatic so what we want to start is
with a few things that are a little bit
more basic so I'm going to give you some
social exercises and we're going to turn
it into the say hello exercise okay and
this may take you a couple weeks may
take you a couple months but what I
would actually recommend is get involved
as what we're doing get help from
especially if you're on TSL Mon you
could work with Gary you could work with
Doc they have their the the go to guys
for when you have social anxiety like
how you can get over it and live a good
life and live a really good life with
all the great social benefits that man
you may think you want or you want and
you think you may never be able to have
that's irreplaceable it's one of the
best reasons for joining our community
and being a part of it but that being
said we want to go to number one a
consistent environment on a daily basis
now this could be two places could be
three places but let's just pick one
place and that place isn't don't even
think about it as a place where you're
going to be social think of it as a
place where one you like okay so you
enjoy being there you know I like being
at cafes if you don't like any place
you're gonna have to step out on the
limb and and start thinking about some
places that you like there's got to be
people there that are being social or
that can be social so they don't have to
be hot chicks they don't have to be
whatever it's just anybody men women
girls that you're not attracted to
people just who are expressing in some
way so cafes for me are great for that
but that could be a town square that if
you're into a certain bar like man you
know when i drank i love dive bars okay
it wasn't a place where people who were
socially affluent went who were into
clubs and being at the top of the top of
the social elite it was where people
went to go disappear but they were still
being social and then
you know I drink to oblivion all sort of
stuff that kind of gets in the way but
you could take any place where one you
like and two people are willing to be
social now you want to commit to going
to that place and it could just be for a
short time it could be 45 minutes it
could be for 10 minutes it could be for
two hours but it has to be a point where
you feel that you're starting to get in
touch with the the vibe there the
environment how people are talking who's
who and what's what so very simply I can
go to a cafe for 15 minutes that's a
good enough time for me might be
different for you to where I can go
there I can order a drink I can observe
people I can hang out watch and get my
social fix or my social observation fix
for the day so it has to have those
requirements five days a week you go
into place where you like where people
are social and you can stay there for
enough time for you to get acclimated to
it could be five minutes could be two
hours you know time really doesn't
matter what matters is is that we start
doing these exercises so if it terrifies
you to meet people the first thing that
we want to start out with is well it
could go at different ways number one
one of the things that Gary likes to do
and you could talk to more about this
but it helps in a lot of ways and it
moves into of just a lot of stuff it's
great num I only have a few minutes here
so I'm really paraphrasing it but it's
the eye contact game to establish eye
contact with somebody you know we're
going to the counter we're orbiting a
coffee or a beer or whatever it is or
getting a sandwich we just hold eye
contact and we say hey could I get the
the chicken club ok and one thing that
he says is it first start to establish
eye contact eye contact with somebody
that's not going to make you a social
wizard in fact if you do it too much it
might be awkward and weird for people
but we want to start learning the tool
of empowerment the tool of self how I
can express Who I am and have it affects
somebody else alright this is really
what it comes down to okay if you have
social anxiety one of the most important
things which I didn't say but you'll
hear over and over again repeated with
things at TS
is this is that this is about sharing
the power within you out you don't need
anything outside of you you already have
it okay and so that's what we're doing
he says first establish eye contact
second then make it a game try and do it
for one second you know so it's one one
thousand okay it gets kind of weird and
then say something order your coffee or
pizza whatever it is ask about the
weather and so on then he says move it
up to one second to second three seconds
after three seconds it can get weird but
that doesn't mean you stop this is a
tool not for you to get social and have
a masterful life it's a tool for you to
get in touch and faith with the power
and expression that is within you that
can influence other people when you have
that when you can get in touch with that
it's a lot easier to one be comfortable
and then apply social dynamics to them
so you can have that amazing social life
alright and so that's the first thing
the eye contact exercise the second
thing that we're going to say and this
comes from doc as he says make
statements rather than investing a part
of yourself or who you are go to the
same place on a daily basis five days a
week will say that and see a lot of the
similar people get the social vibe start
realize how different people act in
different ways and make statements hey
those cakes look good hey the weather is
crazy today in fact the guy said that to
me I said hey how you doing he said the
weather's nuts today and that's all he
said but it was great it took no
investment of him there wasn't really
much that I could give him back but he
was getting in touch with his expression
okay the weather is good today those
cakes look good traffic sucks oh my god
I forgot my wallet all these different
things these statements that come into
play of us expressing ourselves the key
is is for us to gain a feeling of
comfort with being in front of a human
being and sharing and being able to
project our power to somebody this is a
beautiful thing man you can get there
you can get comfortable with it that's
key now the beauty of this exercise the
beauty of it is that we can move it to
something that has an extremely
applicable social dynamic actually for
both of them one with I can I contact
and facial expressions when you can get
good with that and get comfortable with
it people start matching your facial
expressions and this is a massive tool
for jumping to report you can do with
your facial expressions while talking
about something extraneous you can also
do it sexually you can transition
sexually just by using your face and eye
contact well talking about the weather
it's pretty cool but with the other
exercise of making statements you can
turn those into compliments or intent
and it's really cool all right so when
we start getting affluent and
comfortable with making statements like
ah the weather's lousy today we can
start turning it into a compliment like
hey your hair looks great Wow hey those
shoes really man that you you wear them
they don't wear you you know something
like that and so it sets us up to be
able to project and use social dynamic
concepts of seduction and intent and
rapport and give them a direct
application these are key key things
another thing which can be very cool and
again what we're trying to do is
stimulate the power within us ah is
something like we can do the smile smile
and thumbs up you know this is great you
can walk down the street you can do this
actually anywhere you can do this while
walking around in the daytime just smile
somebody and give a thumbs up see if you
get a smile back see if people avoid you
see if people give you a thumbs up look
in all of these exercises you're going
to get interactions and reactions that
are going to be results that you might
think are bad but it's not about that
this is about you stepping into what
your expression is and putting it out
there in the world and being able to
communicate with that okay when we start
to realize that our projection our
expression of self influences the world
around us we will become inspired will
become a motivated and man this is
something that I would say if you do
these three things and commit to them
for seven days in a row you're going to
or one of them commit to one of them I'm
sorry for seven days in a row you're
going to start to notice that you feel
good about being social look if we get
panicked if we get in fight or flight
mode if our palms start to sweat
whatever it is
we start to think like you know these
confusing and terrible thoughts get out
of there stop no big deal all right no
big deal we can do it again another day
five minutes we can do it again wait 10
minutes half an hour whatever it is do
it again what we need to realize is that
the power to be social is within you and
you can get there in seven days no
matter how stupid or weird these
exercises might be or what do I say
afterwards or oh my god if I do this
look that's more of the reason why you
should be at ESL member and check out
what we got there because we're actually
designing well you can look at the call
that we did last Wednesday night but
we're actually designing a very thorough
program on social anxiety that you know
if you dedicate 5-10 minutes a day to it
you'll be a very social fluent and
comfortable person within a month and
it's a great great thing you can do this
it's worth committing to it okay it's
worth committing to going out there and
giving a smile putting a thumbs up to
somebody it's worth making that eye
contact and seeing what that's like it's
worth risking whatever results that you
may fear for these baby steps of
expression because what we can do is
turn those into massive high leverage
tools of social connection all right man
there's no reason no excuse for us to
not be our expression for us to not be
socially and sexually healthy let's get
there let's do it together that's what
we're all about all right cool any
questions comments email me if you're
working I'll answer whatever questions
if you're just being a Content junkie
and whatever and emailing me I probably
won't answer you all right I'll talk to
you guys later have a good day




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let's do it okay we are rolling and this
is a demo presentation for something
that we are going to go over and make a
pretty hopefully an elaborate and a good
answer to this thing social anxiety okay
and so here this is broken down into
like a multitude of different things
like there's video one there's you know
video too and it's all kind of being
conceptualized and all sort of stuff but
you guys get the great gift of seeing it
now okay so check this out social
anxiety first and foremost like if
you're somebody that has it need to be
able to look at what it is and I'll also
say you should talk to some of the
people in the TSL community that a
little bit more versed in it why because
they helped me I mean five years ago or
so I was me basically saying there isn't
an approach anxiety and actually it's
something that Terrance says quite a bit
he set it on last Sunday's call that
there's no social Aang or not social
anxiety it's different thing there's no
approach anxiety and you know to each
his own or whatever but it's made this
big big deal in the community of
approach anxiety well the sad fact of
the matter is there are people with
something called social anxiety that got
all involved in the pickup community
there wasn't really an answer for them
and so it's it's kind of a big deal so
some of the guys you could talk to and
I'd really recommend it you could hit
them up on facebook or on one of the
calls Gary he's helped out a lot of
people on it and talked to him I get
coaching from him in some way or you
could just pick his brain for some free
advice on the forum or whatever but if
you want to work directly with him you
could and then the other is doc who
you'll mainly see on the forum usually
not on the call tonight because he's in
Europe and it's really late but those
two guys have consistently helps people
out who have this I am just selfishly
explaining a lot of stuff that they talk
about and mix it in with some experience
of coaching that I've seen people change
with so first off look
this is geared to anybody who has social
anxiety okay and so what that means is
that talking to people causes severe
anxiety it costs confusion angst it
makes you feel different it makes you
feel isolated but just the thought the
idea of talking to a stranger not just
hot women and see here's where the
difference is it's like everybody gets a
little bit afraid when they see a really
attractive girl but this is going to a
public place you know this is talking to
a stranger this causes panic and terror
all right in you now there's different
ranges of this and this is kind of
important so people who have this they
can be highly functioning people who
have a job who are very popular um you
know for myself I will hit points of
social anxiety but not to the point
where it totally dominates my life so I
wouldn't put myself in this category but
you know in a new environment where I
feel totally different out of place I'm
I'm out of it man you know I'm I feel
like oh my god if I speak up I have no
place I can't assert myself and I go
down this daisy chain of bad beliefs but
that doesn't happen to me too often but
this happens to people that might be
highly functioning they interact with
people maybe if that has a function like
a job or where they get introduced to
people they're fine the warm
conversation to the warm interactions
but it's the new ones that can just be
absolutely terrifying a gut-wrenching
that you'd have to go and talk up to
somebody you know talk to somebody you
don't know and then it could go to the
other extreme where this person can't
get out of the house you're playing
video games you build a life where you
really don't have to talk to people
maybe you do have some work and there's
a few interactions in the elevator or
you know in the parking lot or whatever
but other than that it's a fairly
solitude life and talking to somebody
can truly be terrifying this is
extremely extremely common and man you
hear a lot of the same things from guys
like that have this it's like man why
would I talk to anybody what's the point
what's the meaning I don't get why would
be saying these things
um TSL you guys say say hello to
everybody but what do i do after that it
just seems like stupid or people look at
me weird I don't want that and so on
okay so and one thing that we talked
about here again really important and
the solution to this is really important
as well social anxiety is not just about
talking to a particular person in the
pickup world that's hot chicks in the
rest of the world it might be somebody
that has value to you it's talking to
any person okay so the solution to it
isn't that you're going to talk to only
the important people in your life or
only hot women it's you're going to talk
to you're going to talk to everybody all
right and in that's really it and when
you build the solid foundation for that
social dynamics can come into play so
what happens when you get anxious and
this is also something that we should
look at is that it is a high degree of
stress and pressure so elevated heart
rate activation of the parasympathetic
nervous system the fight-or-flight
reactions sweaty palms trembling
outbursts anger confusion panic so all
the different things when stuff is so
there's so much pressure that we just
can't handle it it's just too much in it
puts us an overload and you know
can really us up this is something
where we never want to be in ok and so
if you're feeling those feelings we want
to allow those to stop so that you can
have a normal social and eventually a
sexual life but at this point it's
really about being social ok so if
you're somebody that has social anxiety
as we're describing it this is what the
series is for so in 30 days 120 days
maybe even longer than that your anxiety
will no longer cripple you all right now
let's look at this ok you'll be able to
integrate into a normal social life
where you get the social life that you
think you can't have but I want to make
this clear that anxiety never fully goes
away and it's not supposed to but the
crippling terror of it well start to
subside
okay this is a belief it's been with you
for a long time it's going to take a
while it's not going to be anything you
know immediate for it to subside and get
to a point where you can manage it all
right so that's really what it's about
it's like getting rid of the anxiety
it's allowing it to calm and be in a
good place where you can you know chill
and relax and all those sorts of things
okay some of the problems that you may
have had this is kind of important here
guys all right so people who have social
anxiety a lot of the times you find that
problems get worse if they are not dealt
with properly so the social dynamics
industry aka the pickup industry or the
dating industry has worked with men and
women well mainly men who have social
anxiety and offering them a solution
that doesn't work and there's also i
mean this this goes from the range of
social pressure to social freedom
exercises all relying on techniques that
emphasize a result of an interaction
like you get something you get a hot
chick you date a girl you get people to
like you and so that you can get
something that will make you socially
comfortable all right there may be some
people who offer some internal work and
so we see this actually more and more
popular now it's like we're going to fix
the inner game I'm going to teach you
how to be a man we're going to get to
the authentic self and all that sort of
stuff but then it doesn't translate to
being socially functional so you lose
the social dynamics while working on the
inner game and some of the inner game
stuff I'd say may not get as deep as it
might be necessary for you to to go for
so there's a lot of different solutions
but the problem and the the kind of
timeline of this is always the same it
works as a temporary solution where you
may get a result with a specific
exercise or a specific set of exercises
maybe a technique or two maybe five
techniques who knows but a few days or
weeks later you'll still be confronted
by the rush of fear and anxiety so maybe
you do some social freedom exercises
which is like you stand on a park bench
and have your arms out and you yell or
something or you do something that is
intense right and you might get you'll
get a rush from that you'll be like man
this is awesome this is great
and
I'm afraid of nothing I can talk to
anybody for that day you'll kick ass or
you know maybe for a couple days but
after a while that doesn't solve the
underlying belief or the problem and the
the huge construct and complexity of
habits that you've built within your
life of not talking to people and then
talking to people becomes hard you get
afraid again or get some anxiety and
then you do something more intense and
you you know walk around with your shirt
off or your dick hanging out or
something and you think that that's how
you're going to make your life
work and you you dig yourself deeper in
a hole anyway look bottom line is here
is you're relying if you're relying on
these types of things it's gonna stop
working and it's going to make you more
and more frustrated you're going to
think that you have to do something you
know totally out of the ordinary in
order to have this very ordinary thing
of being social you'll start to rely on
exaggerations to be in the norm and to
move further further and further in you
know being social and connecting with
people get away from yourself okay and
so when it comes to a matter when it
comes down to like a mental health
perspective you actually become worse
when you're thinking you're moving
towards a solution so you got a
temporary problem and it actually makes
matters worse all right so I here's
basically the the main deal all right
the philosophy that we have that we work
from is socializing is normal because
one of the most normal things you can do
you were born to do it all right good
more to do it you don't need to do
anything extreme to do it however you
might need to do some very different or
very extreme things to work through your
fear that day okay so that's kind of
important so you may need to do stuff to
work through your fear or a certain
situation that day but it is truly truly
dependent upon you coming into this
normal normal form of connection you
don't need an extreme to get the
benefits of love kindness empathy and
confidence and the list actually goes on
okay our fundamental philosophy is that
you can get in if you can get in the
mode of being social and connecting with
people your social life will flourish so
if you just start to be social if you
just start to interact with people in a
very normal way you're going to be on a
better you're going to be on a very good
foundation and then social dynamics can
be applied in a much more simple way
okay for someone who has social anxiety
this is totally totally the same like
you want to have just normal average
social life but the thing is is you have
this insane fear that keeps you
from that all right so basically we want
you to learn a way of being you know
social so you express yourself and also
deal with that fear so we got to ease
that fear get comfortable with ourselves
and our social lives and our social
environments and he'll keep stuff very
simple to interact with people all right
so basically if you're ready for this we
want to get on the road to learning how
to be socially free so okay so what that
means is it's not like some you know tag
word or whatever that the industry may
use around social freedom and so on but
it means truly being empowered and learn
the social dynamic to be the better man
we fear all these things as men love
connection talking to people intimacy
being social having fun interacting with
people however if you're going to learn
like how to connect with people and if
you're going to be a part of this thing
that you've always wanted you may really
fear those things you may really have
had pain from those things but you're
going to have to make the commitment
right now or at some point that and the
realization that if you want to have
that good life you know if you want to
have that love that intimacy the
connection the engagement those social
interactions
fun times to live a life like you see on
some you know apple commercial
everybody's having fun and happy life is
easy and good and we're all creating
things then you've got to make a
commitment to that and that fear of you
know the loss that may have come with
those things guess what it gets healed
by all those things so we fear love we
fear intimacy before your engagement
fear being social we fear fun we fear
you know sharing with somebody but the
reality of the matter is is that when we
actually interact with those things we
stop fearing them and life gets good so
in this presentation I'm going to pause
right now and I want to ask you guys who
here feels that they may have social
anxiety or feels that there could be
anything added that might make this a
little bit better again all right we're
back so here we have video to being
social but really this will probably be
a little bit further down the line of
the videos and so on but what we want to
look at is is like okay you know there's
this thing called social anxiety so what
do we need to do to be social like what
is the recipe of this being social is it
once we get that once we truly get that
our anxiety will lessen but at the same
time we have this massive fear
that keeps us from being social so we
got a deal with that all right so being
social one of the greatest gifts you
were born with it in fact you need it to
be a healthy individual I was talking
about this with my buddy and he was
saying man I've been thinking all sorts
of crazy stuff and it's like man
thoughts without people turn into
nightmares he was like if that's
not a quote it should be in we all know
what that's like you know when we're on
our mind is running and we just don't
have people to talk to it us up I
could even say for myself you know
there's been like a lot of
estrogen in my house and you know
midwives and worried his friends
and I'm talking to a lot of people but
that I need to talk to some
dudes man who want to
do dude stuff fight kill
think I don't know sex and violence
like at least to be able to voice that
and understand it to which I did to
which I was very happy about the last
couple of days but look the whole point
of this social thing is connecting with
others and we have to realize this is
like really important
socializing is not a war it's not a
fight it's not something you have to
pump yourself up to do in order to have
a normal reaction if you had to fight if
it had to be a big deal then it wouldn't
be normal ok so that's one of the
biggest problems that we see alright so
in this presentation what we're looking
at it or what we want to look at first
are the triggers ok so what triggers my
anxiety whoo that's one that we do not
want to look at and that really
sucks okay so what triggers my anxiety
we want to look at that we want to get
to know it and we want to do it in an
environment and in a way this is
important so we want to look at what
triggers our anxiety in an environment
and in a way that isn't terrifying ok so
essentially we're in a safe spot ok so
let's take a look at that the fear and
anxiety all right so anxiety look it's
basically we're afraid of what's going
to happen next we don't know what's
going to happen next so it us up
that you know by definition is you know
how we kind of deal or how we categorize
and label you know anxiety what is that
all right so where that drives us is
into more isolation and then more fear
and more thinking more unique and more
thing we're different and so that we
can't interact and so on okay so when
we're put in a pant and panic or I'm
sorry when we're put in a panic
situation or mode we literally are
crippled from being ourselves we cannot
be ourselves so that's super important
ok so a lot of people when they say I
have social anxiety or you know I'm
afraid of sex or there's something
that's really with me what we
don't realize is that fear is Paul
US and its part separate okay so that's
kind of confusing there's like some
weird dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde thing and
I don't want to say that you're not
anxiety okay that's you you got to own
it but there's a part of it which is
taken over and it's literally ceased you
from being yourself you know think about
this when you're with your family when
you're with somebody really comfortable
when somebody started a conversation
that you can plug into your fine you're
like good you're like hey man I can talk
but when you're not you're a completely
different person and we all are to some
degree but if you have social anxiety
that's to a degree that is just
ridiculous okay and so you can't be
yourself we need to learn to be that
person all right we don't want to act we
don't want to rely on something outside
of ourselves we want to rely on the
strength that is within ourselves and
connect it to the world interestingly
enough man I've been doing so many
different things in it you know my whole
life kind of has revolved around TSL for
the past I don't know whatever 10 years
or so in man there is so much power and
strength within you all you have to do
it is find it doesn't always come out
and muscles doesn't always come out in
alpha ness doesn't always come out with
loads of but if you show
up in the world and you can show up and
be yourself no matter how much the world
is around you different or abnormal man
that is some cool that is that is
the power and you got to learn to
generate that power we're going to learn
to generate that power through being
social all right okay so let's start by
taking a look at our anxiety first off
take out a piece of paper ok write down
we're and we're going to write down
about this like basically what happens
when we get anxious how we feel entirely
ok and the key to this is is that we
want to write this down on a separate
sheet of paper or you know maybe you do
it on your phone or something but don't
do it on your computer where
you're watching this or using this
because you're going to want to have it
with you at all times so when I'm
anxious about meeting new people in a
new social situation how do I feel we
got to let this out man let it rip
no big deal okay this in believe me I
know how troublesome of us can be I've
done a lot of the stuff in fact and I
should be excited there's a new one that
I'm supposed to be reading on right now
and I've been slacking on it and I
was really excited to work on it anyway
so we're going to write down how we feel
when we get that anxiety physically ok
we're going to write down how we feel
when we get that anxiety emotionally and
we're going to write down how we feel
that anxiety mentally now you can put
that in different columns are different
lists and so on but look I want you to
commit to this all right and now this
might see something seem like something
you might want to do something you can
skip ok I'm not asking you to do this is
some sort of hobby or you know something
that you can do that's optional I'm
asking you to do this as a commitment to
being happy being free being empowered
and it's gonna take you like to 25
minutes to do and this is one of the
interesting things when we get into
beliefs and we get into this stuff
people think that they can write this
off it's like okay I get it Steve
Steve's going to go into or the TSL
whatever is going to go into you know
how we're going to face our fears and do
the immersion therapy thing man i'm not
saying that I'm actually asking you I
don't give a what the
it's called I'm asking you to look at
yourself I'm not asking you to analyze
the method I'm not asking you to dance
around it i'm not trying to ask you to
figure it out to do it more efficiently
I'm actually saying that this will help
you and behind it is a greater meaning
of you living a really really
good life ok to something that will
literally take you two to five minutes
the reason why I keep repeating this is
because I know there's so many people
that skip over this in such an
awesome way that they don't need to do
it because they have it all figured out
look I got a lot of figured out
I've probably done this
man a lot 40 times with like big deal
in my life and I do it because man
it's a great great starting place no
matter what direction I go in so anyway
that being said I want you to really
think about when you get anxiety you
feel physically do you have knots in
your stomach do you sweat does your
heart beat uncontrollably do you get
dizzy when you have anxiety what do you
feel emotionally do you feel terror what
is the feeling of that do you feel fear
do you feel hurt do you feel that you're
less than do you feel that oh my god
this is happening again oh my god do I
feel terror because I have lost control
of my emotions and I am no longer me do
I feel that I am hopeless I want you to
write that okay just because you write
that and you think this doesn't mean you
have to experience it you might
experience a little okay when you start
on something like this it's going to
stir up some stuff we're gonna we're
going to get to how we're going to deal
with that in a second here and then we
want to write about what do I feel
mentally how do I think how do my
thoughts change do I start blaming more
this is a big thing when we're in panic
situations when we're under duress you
know what happens we mistrust more okay
what changes in our thought process do
we have to move around a lot so what
about our chain and what about our
thinking and our thought process changes
okay so if you haven't done that and you
know this is something that you know
you're on the fence about or whatever
you do a couple things so if you haven't
done it pause the video do it now if
it's something that you think you're
above and if this is whatever stupid
just stops the video and don't
continue it's pointless it's really
pointless if you're unwilling to look at
yourself you're willing to be yourself
if you're unwilling to divide what is
the real you and what is the fear that
is
art of you but it's actually influencing
you working you like a puppet and you
want some hack around that well that's
not what we're offering so you can stop
it completely now or you can stop it and
do that exercise and write it on a piece
of paper it's the best way to to do it
or you could do it on your phone and
carry it with you and the reason why is
is because well it's going to come into
play in a little bit all right so
assuming we are back now you've looked
at those fears you've looked at those
different ways of how it affects you and
it can really with you okay is one
of the things man it's like this this is
one of the things that can rattle you
rattle me rattle everybody else out
there when we look at that it's like oh
my God if I do this I am or if
I'm this way what I'm afraid I'm
this is why I'm afraid and it's almost
like we become running from the sphere
more than being able to see it and so on
and yada yada yada you know running from
the fear and suppressing it there's
probably something that we've done to
some degree all of our life and it
hasn't worked so what we got to do is we
got to learn to live with it and when we
learn to live with it we can see
ourselves for who are who we are we can
allow that fear to be and guess what
happens it changes so here's the
beautiful guarantee of all of this and
this is something that I hope all of you
take me up on because if you do this
your life is going to be awesome
and it's so awesome it'll be simple
it'll happen over Tommy you probably
won't even notice it until you know a
few months down the road you're like oh
my god that used to be me is that if we
are willing to look at what terrifies us
what what totally makes us afraid what
is behind our anxiety and we allow that
to be in our life and accept it for what
it is it will not stay the same the
reason why it is so powerful is because
we fight it all right now that might
sound a little bit confusing let's break
this down a little bit more and there's
a little short paragraph here that I
missed but it says like look if you're
thinking this is doesn't work you're
wrong it will work ok I can't
tell you how it's going to change or how
you're going to change because there's
your you you know you're a different
person than me but I guarantee you well
it will be in in a way where you can be
a lot happier and more free so get out
of your own way stop thinking you need
some big giant fix that's outside of
yourself to change stuff and pick up a
shovel shovel and start digging within
you all right I'm telling you man the
love is behind this the piece is behind
this carrying the compassion all the
things that you value and that you want
all right so here's what we're going to
do when we feel any point of pain or
discomfort for your anxiety all the
stuff that we talked about we're just
going to notice it and we're going to
accept it it's a part of us it's like we
walk into a coffee shop we're doing some
of the exercises that we're going to get
later in this and we're like all right
we're going to do the say hello exercise
we're going to do the Gary a contact
exercise we're going to do you know
whatever we're gonna do one of these
things and basically we're gonna hope I
got Jesus Christ I'm panicking
I'm not going to do this this sucks why
is this always happening managed want to
leave I'm gone I then I
bail out I skip out on the exercise I
totally throw in the towel and I say
it I get in the car and I'm like
man I'm a failure this sucks that I the
guilt the shame all that sort of stuff
starts talking ok we we can't hang we go
back home we get pissed off and
we lock ourselves in the bathroom and
listen to adele and eat bonbons right
maybe we don't go that dramatic but at
some point we take out that notebook and
we go wait a minute wait a minute ok
let's go down the list of what I felt hi
man I felt panic I felt fear I felt my
heart race you know I wanted to cry
afterwards I felt like life is never
anything better blah blah blah because i
suck and my whole life is a failure ok I
guess that was some of it and we could
get really mad about that we could get
really really pissed off about it we
could I say it and they then pick
up the battle-axe of being social again
and fight for it
going to power through this we could do
all sorts of things but what we're
planning on doing and to really be a
part of this course it's just say okay
all right I did that I feel like a
failure when that happens I feel like I
do nothing when that happens I get panic
when that happens when I bail out I lose
all hope and why am I doing this all
right I'm going to go try it again
because everybody in this bizarre group
at TSL says this is helpful so I'm going
to go walk back in the cafe oh wait a
minute I missed something when I do this
my handshake and they can't stop from
shaking so when they start shaking and I
pull out money to pay for the coffee
that i'm going to buy everybody can see
that my hands trembling i forgot to
write that down so then you go and
write that thing
down in the notebook because that's a
part of you that's a part of your fear
and guess what you're going to do you're
going to walk back in that cafe and
you're going to own it ok so you get
back in your car you put the bonbons
away you turn off the Adele you drive
back down to the cafe you park you get
out and you start trembling you
start shaking you start feeling like a
failure you I don't know whatever you
you feel like you're going to
yourself or piss yourself and you walk
in and you go up to somebody and your
hands are shaking and you just allow
that to happen you say oh well all right
I'm afraid I'm afraid and I'm in here
and you submit to it ok and the thing is
is guess what it is never that dramatic
I'm just kind of playing it down the
list just because like you know these
are excuses that we all give right it
gets crazy it gets creare but we want to
we want to just accept okay this could
be me let me tell you what happens
whenever I bring this up to clients who
are deep in it we've all been deep in it
man is they'll say it I'm not going
to do that that I'm gonna go
paint my hair blue and you know
do jumping jacks and whatever
weird and social environment to solve
myself think about how retarded
that sounds all right rather than
looking at what you really feel in
accepting what you really feel you would
rather run from that to do something
which some jack ass does like
who or maybe you think is they're great
people or something but like some
socially abnormal person like that's
that's ridiculous like that's
going to be your life that's the only
way that that can make sense is that
true insanity like his infected an
entire population of people don't even
get me started on this as you can see
I'm tanjung off a little bit but the
thing is is that man like that is insane
like I remember asking a client one time
I said well because he was always
talking about being second like he was
never first I said well so what happens
if your second duty lost it and
I was like man you're never going to
change unless you can be second like
what happens if your second like for
what what everything sucks and this is
all a lie and it's and he
started punching stuff and and
going crazy it was like man that's
exactly what you need can be then is
like except being second because if
you're if you're being first just so
that you won't be second you can never
be first you're the bitch of second okay
so I'm actually asking you to stop being
the bitch of your fears all right so
we're gonna pause here for a second and
we're going to talk about this because
this sounds kind of crazy how are we to
submit to our true fears and our true
beliefs about ourselves the thing which
is us up the most we're actually
going to say it's okay to be that now
there's more to it than this and we'll
get to it but I want to pause and talk
about this alright makes the recording
that much smoother part 3 okay this is
part 3
be social so check this out we're going
to break down being social because this
we can't just work on our beliefs it'll
make us go sane insane it'll make us go
sane be awesome but if we we
just worked on this belief stuff it
would totally us up there's two
things that need to happen in order to
make our beliefs and working on
ourselves really stick together so the
first one is the be social part all
right and the next one is is uh well
whoa whoa look at all this maybe we
won't get through it all Jesus Christ is
that we need to learn how to get
comfortable okay so that's really really
important in fact that is one of the
parts about being social so to be social
we need to look at these three different
components we need to look at social
environments okay and that's kind of an
easy one we need to find some social
basics this is an easy one that a lot of
times we're nuit stuff we over
complicate and it doesn't need to be and
we need to look at being comfortable
okay so those are like three very
important things that we need to be
doing in tandem with looking at what is
this stuff that's with
us what are these triggers what are
these problems that are you know making
me think I'm like this bad person and
fundamentally flawed and so on and yada
yada yada ok so these things are like
very important to integrate with all
that ok so first things first people we
got to get out of the house now
everybody's starting at a different
point but being out of the house is
going to be a part of that so what I
mean is like some people are literally
trying to get out of the house and other
people get out of the house they go to
work they do stuff they kind of
integrate but they're still socially
terrified like social anxiety if it's a
wide range of people okay and so we need
to be out and in some environment and
interact and and all this cool stuff
right so what we got to look at is we
got to pick a social environment now we
could pick a social environment or we
could pick social environments all right
so multiple places or one place where
we're going to be social
now before we get crazy with this let's
pick a social environment not where
we're necessarily going to be social at
so this isn't like you're going to have
to go there and make friends with
everybody will tell you how to be social
in those places but let's take that out
of the equation let's first think is
this a place I like all right so do I
enjoy it if I think being and so if I
want to work on being social is
dependent upon me being in nightclubs
then I'm wrong but if I like nightclubs
I should go there to work on being
social the thing is most people who have
social anxiety don't think that they
usually hate night club so they hate hi
stimuli places so what's a low stimuli
place you know and then let's think like
well you know what I don't like any of
those places it's funny I was just
talking about one of my poker player
clients and he didn't like any of those
places was like well look alright we are
going to have to learn how to like some
of those places we're gonna have to find
some places that have people that you
might like okay and it in fact like it
started with arcades and pizza joints
forum but those were places that he
likes where people were and that is kind
of important that's really cool alright
so basically we want to look at a place
where we could enjoy ourselves where
there are people around okay letter that
are doing something talking to each
other they could be talking to a group
they can be talking to friends they can
be talking to everybody whatever you
know so there's that place all right now
is socializing possible okay is it a
place where people are interacting could
a person make a friend there are people
making friends there I'm not asking if
you could make a friend there could
somebody you know just an average Joe
Schmo guy not some wizard of social
dynamics but an average dude go there
and make friends okay could that happen
all right now the next thing is is is it
a place all right is it a place that I
could go to
you on a daily or every other day basis
and really this is a place we should be
going five times a week or places and
the reason why I say that is because we
want to start getting used to seeing the
same faces the same environment and
finding a territory finding a home it's
really interesting human beings rely so
much on stability like in the survival
game one of the most important things is
that you have shelter if you talk to
somebody that's really into like
wilderness skills and like that
what's more important than finding water
what could be more important than
finding water is making shelter why
because the psychological advantage is
so high that if you just find water and
you can't make shelter you'll up
and perish in some way so it's actually
more important for you to be able to
make shelter and then go find water and
then perhaps you might need to go find
shelter somewhere else but that being
said like your territory is huge
now what's also cool about this is when
we start doing social exercises you'll
start to notice a pattern you'll see the
same people you'll start to build the
social intelligence for the four or five
or ten different people or two or three
that you see on an almost daily basis
and it will really affect how you you
know think and interact and all that fun
stuff it's actually really cool so we
want to find our little neighborhood of
socializing then we're going to dedicate
you know to this this interaction you
know remember when I was talking about
going to that coffee shop you have the
notebook and so we're going to be doing
when we go to you know one of these
places we're going to our going to have
that next to us we're going to check our
fears we're going to do some of our
social basics exercises all right so
let's get into this the social basics
are just basic exercises for you to do
to get yourself social now here's the
cool thing there's no result required in
this that is going to be like we're
going to make friends get girlfriends
a bunch of bitches or whatever and
you might be going I want that result
well guess what you know these are more
about setting you up with a foundation
so you can learn some social
dynamics for that but the best part is
there's actually no pressure we're just
doing these things to get our feet wet
with being social and actually the
specific results that we list in here
have more to do with you feeling
comfortable you realizing the power of
yourself and the potential of yourself
that's actually what we want to get from
it so we have three different social
basics that we're going to cover the
first section is eye contact and space
so we're going to learn how our bodies
our eyes or facial expressions and all
that sort of stuff make a difference
with people and how we have influence
and here's the cool thing when we learn
how to use our face essentially and our
bodies in our space we realize that
there's power in that not like an
asshole power but we have influenced we
can change how somebody feels we're
going to want to do that I really really
believe that in fact I don't just
believe that I know that when you get
that it'll be cool for you you'll go
man now if you make using your eyes
and your space about like you know
controlling some chick to suck your dick
or be in the most popular guy in the
room that's a bigger jump and you're not
going to get there if you do you're
probably doing things which aren't going
to be sustainable but if you do it with
the mindset of like hey I'm gonna read
I'm gonna learn my power I'm gonna put
on my white belt I'm gonna put on my you
know I'm learning this and I'm learning
my power and I'm going to do this you'll
get to some cool spots and going to
motivate yourself to good places alright
we're also going to learn how to make
comments with socializing okay that's
pretty cool we're also going to do the
say hello game the age-old TSL thing so
guess what we're going to do this five
times a day throughout the day for most
of these exercises some of these
exercises it might be a little bit
different you might not need to do in
five times but this week we're just
going to pick one out of actually
there's a bunch of exercise listed below
here but we're just going to pick one
and we're going to do it to realize what
our power is so I contact in space well
this one we're
dedicate all to Gary because he's the
man behind it if you actually want to
know stuff from it ask him but here's
also what I'll say is this guy normally
gets paid for giving advice so you know
you ask him on the facebook group that's
cool but if you ask him I you know for
some more personal and really hands-on
stuff you might need to work out some
deal with them but basically we are
trying to determine with our face our I
contacted our physical presence how much
we can influence somebody in you know
the feeling of that that's actually kind
of cool the eye contact game pretty
freakin simple alright we're going to
start out with we're going to try and
make eye contact with strangers and see
if they give it back and it can hold it
for a second or two so we make eye
contact with somebody see if they make
eye contact with us okay cool you might
be thinking holy this is weird well
it is kind of weird and then if we want
to take it a step further we're going to
make a slight game out of it alright
we're going to see if we can do it for
one second we're going to see if we can
do it for two seconds I believe Gary
holds the record in title for 37 seconds
or something like that that he did with
a chick and she broke first now look
this is abnormal social behavior all
right so why are we doing the abnormal
social behavior remember socializing is
a very normal thing and this is a very
temporary action we're not planning on
keeping this for you know months and
months and months is this like awesome
thing but it is something that can
transition to something bigger very
easily number one the eyes influence so
much when you have eye contact with
somebody they start to match your
emotions and if you're afraid to look
somebody in the eye you won't be able to
use that and use that sort of power when
people are connected with you like I to
I a lot of changes it's amazing how
influential it is so in a way we're
getting to know a way or in our useful
technique that we can be comfortable
with to assert our presence also we are
learning that when we do this our facial
expressions in eye contact can influence
like people mirror them it's pretty
awesome all right and Gary actually
wrote in here anything under three
seconds isn't weird 37 is though then we
can also get comfortable using our
facial expressions and a part of our
body okay so those are the real goals of
this and like I said it might feel
awkward you're gonna feel things like oh
my god I looked at them and it looked at
me and it was weird this didn't work out
this was an odd thing this made people
feel uncomfortable um you might have
people react warmly and actually say
hello to you because of the you know
what what you see or what they see you
might actually have people uh be a
little bit warm you know to you or maybe
stare back and be mad at you for it so
there's all sorts of different things
that's not why we're doing it that those
matter and those might make us feel good
but what is really the most important
thing here is that we're using a part of
our body and our eyes to connect all
right so we could pick that one all
right we're just doing this for five
days or we're just doing this for seven
days and then we're going to move on to
other things but the importance is is
that we're committing to getting out of
our shell all right remember when we're
doing abnormal things it's to combat the
fear and not the socializing the
socializing will be normal and we'll
turn I contacts into a very very normal
thing okay the activator is something
that's in the TSL online program and
it's fairly simple okay so we go out
multiple times a day for a week into a
public place and we take on a certain
personam we see how it affects people
this is real simple I'm not asking you
to talk to anybody you could I'm not
asking you to make a big deal or big
show you could I probably shouldn't
because we wanted to be real basic but
we want to take on a certain persona
certain feeling this could be a feeling
and archetypes or a movie character but
I do this a lot and we use that demeanor
to basically walk talk and interact in a
certain area now we want to think of
ourselves like actors in this and this
is what i did is an actor now i'm just
going to tell you the TSL you know we
support the whole authentic thing and
that's really important and we should
never compromise that but if you don't
have a point of reference of a certain
place a certain situation like I
remember the first time I started going
to a strip club I'm really comfortable
in strip clubs now but I took on a fake
persona of somebody to allow myself to
test the waters and then eventually when
something worked I figured out how to
integrate that to myself but I literally
did not know how to to be in that when I
was you know women just took my
money and got my dick hard and I was
like okay whatever you say so I had to
fake it why because I was unmanageable I
truly wasn't being myself when I tried
to be because I didn't know what to do
alright so if we don't have a point of
reference we can try on some clothes and
walk around and see what that feels like
okay and so 15 to 30 minutes let's say
you go to a cafe maybe you go to a strip
club and you do what any good actor
would do okay and this is what we did in
acting we took on our role and we would
go to certain areas and we would be that
person and see what it felt like and we
would internalize it was great man it
brought all these great nuances in on
stage and if you look at any method
acting people they get all into this
actually did an interview with a John
Keegan who's a trained method actor who
went on and on about method acting to me
and taught me some stuff about it which
was really cool because not too many
people are that insane about theatre but
he is way more insane than I ever was
and I you know but this was it it was
like how can you be this person so you
go out and you see how people interact
maybe go buy a cup of coffee and you act
like Robert De Niro or Harvey Keitel in
the eyes wide shut movie before he got
kicked off google it check it out and
why he got kicked off uh-huh that's what
happens to these method actors but um
you can go and look at that
and you can basically see how that feels
see what that feels like and it's kind
of cool man people start feeling you're
feeling different things from you
treating you different it's pretty
awesome all right the next one is is
thumbs up and smile and this is pretty
simple we're still in the same category
and again you don't need to do all of
these these are all just different
exercises that you can choose from
because everybody's at a different skill
set and skill level if you would ask me
I'd always say say hello but the reason
why we have these is because that was
just too bizarre for some people all
right so thumbs up and smile five times
a day you're walking down the street you
see stranger give them a thumbs up see
if they give you a thumbs up back give
them a thumbs up in a smile see if they
give you a smile back see if they give
you a thumbs up and a smile back you
know what we want to look at is what
makes somebody react what makes somebody
interact and why okay what's so cool
about all these the activator the eye
contact the thumbs up in doing these is
not so that you get people to be
talking to you and adoring you and all
these things that can happen and that's
really cool all right and that will
happen they also have times where
there's a weird awkward silence but the
whole point is is that wow my expression
is powerful and can influence somebody
it's cool to be me if you are not
getting that then you're missing the
point of the exercise all right that is
very important I am using a tool to be
me in a way that I can do it and it's
great and it's powerful and
people are changed by it and I want to
do this more all right ok and you know
what again if you're going like man this
is too simple for me guarantee you
anybody who does get good results not
saying that you have to do all these
things but anybody who does get good
results with TSL would be like man why
wouldn't you wanna this is crime this is
like an easy thing god I'm going to
give thumbs up to people give
thumbs ups to people I can't say this
right I'm gonna give thumbs up
and a smile and I'm going to see where I
could take it man that'll be awesome and
you might be going man what do I take it
after that we'll get to this we'll get
to this all right the next one is to
make a comment and this actually comes
from doc you want to hear some
interesting ideas on social anxiety good
good good guy to talk to amazing
find them on the facebook group and the
dudes solid gold so anyway
basically five times a day you go to
your preferably your environment that
you've chosen and made for yourself
where you're going to be social or maybe
multiple environments where you going to
be social and you're going to talk to
you know the people that you see in
front of you it could be the cafe worker
it could be an old man it could be a hot
chick it could be a girl that you would
never want to talk to but you're going
to make a comment all right now this
comment could be as simple as it's a
nice day out that sandwich looks good
traffic is bad today it's going to be
warm this week and the whole point of
this is that we are not investing a real
part of ourselves or not asking a
question there's no pressure from this
but we are expressing okay and what we
want to see is that our expression could
be allowed and it could be done in a
place now check this out I know there's
some guys going I don't need to do this
this is like two basic again any dude
who was really advanced and skilled at
ESL would just be like man why not do
this what what's the big deal now here's
the cool thing about giving a comment
okay a comment is if you get good at
this it's the easiest thing to translate
and the most obvious thing to translate
because the next thing is is it can be a
compliment you could take this into such
a heavy structure of conversation and
have meaning if you get this down how
can I assert myself with a statement all
right you could also other than saying
those sandwiches look good you could say
man that shirt really looks awesome
that's sexy in a way that man is really
womanly that is a statement okay that's
not a statement like you're the hottest
girl I've ever seen I want to talk to
you because it's game and it works but
it's a real expression wow I like your
hair in what if we could speak freely in
our mind and have it be heard by people
and have it be accepted what we actually
thought see the point of this is not so
that people give you a specific reaction
it's so that you can be heard and you
know how to be heard that you in what
your thoughts that are within you the of
who you are as a person has meaning
enough to connect to somebody else that
you can say it and if you don't believe
that's possible well guess what here's
where to start and if you do believe
that's possible you already know that
this is great all right super super
cool but people love this who I you know
worked with doc that start out with this
and again I'm parodying what he's saying
so you could ask him about it all right
the say hello exercise this is the
tried-and-true TSL standard look pretty
simple all right say hello to five
people a day and uh you know basically
like see what they say the problem is
that was happening in pick up is that
there was something wrong with the
approach we were saying this a long time
ago now it's kind of a common thing and
you know the but it still confuses
people but the thing is is like when you
approach just to approach because you're
supposed to it gets stupid but what I
realized long ago was if you just kind
of talked to people the fact this was
basically it if I went to Europe or
something that's gonna approach chicks
and game it up but when I
would just go like hey what's going on
what are the cool people hang out so
some weird euro
that I would not have any
interested in having sex with or
whatever
I'd find cool places to go to and I'd
meet great people and all of a sudden
good good things would be happening ok
so that's pretty cool all right
so basically it was like hey how can we
just say hello now here's the
interesting thing when I break down this
exercise they say okay okay I said hello
to people I didn't say anything back
people amaze me and how they have like
taken the simplicity out of this and
made a complex maybe because I said
something now the quote actually is
where's the bar where everybody hates
themselves or where's the bar where
people go when they hate themselves
that's where you find the good people at
but uh the the thing is is that people
distort the say hello thing and maybe
because I wasn't specific enough it's
not just limited just saying hello you
don't literally have to say hello you
can say hey how's it going how's your
day what's going on how you doing man
hope you're having a good one and this
is actually awesome this is
totally cool I said this that I
went to go buy some tacos today in this
chick was behind the counter and the guy
next to me ordered the exact same thing
she said are you guys related and so I
was like ah no I was like well how long
have you worked here I started talking
to her and she got really interested in
talking and then there was a point and
this always happens with hired gun folks
is there's a point where it gets weird
and you have to make it not weird so
where she doesn't know like she'd like
in a hired gun situation they know how
to talk to you for 30 seconds or 15
seconds or maybe only 10 but when it
goes beyond that it's like they don't
know what to say you know so you have to
lean it you have to know you have to
know how to get them out of it but you
have to see that now think of that if we
weren't communicating going like yeah
after five or ten seconds there's going
to be a weird point I hit the weird
point how do I get out of it you just
think you hit a weird point you
up no the weird point happens you got to
know how to get out of it so anyways
kind of a cool little thing and that's
something you should look for when you
say hello to people the weird point will
happen alright you can call it out like
Gary was saying or you could end it or
whatever
but here's the thing whenever I tell
people to do this exercise there's two
main things I get back the first one is
the guys say man I'm amazed at how easy
it is to talk to people all I did was
say hello it was great and then there's
the other group of people that say man
it was weird and people looked at me
funny and I don't know what to do next
all right so here's the thing all right
the difference between those two factors
is basically this these are the only
factors in this one there's the person
you're talking to number two there's the
situation that you're in and number
three there's your demeanor you might be
able to influence the influence the
situation a little bit and pick and
choose what situations you get into and
that's important you can't control the
other person but you can change your
demeanor awkward moments are going to
happen they happen to everybody anybody
at a super high skill set is going to
have an awkward moment but guess what
man who cares about that when you
have the connections and you're building
the blocks to actually living a great
life all right so saying hello is
awesome it's one of the greatest
things and one last thing okay and this
is because I've been teaching for a long
time look I get a lot of excuses people
say that they can't do it because
there's a silence it's weird I don't
want to do it doesn't get any results
I'm not cool whatever yada yada
yada all right guess what here's the
answer to shut all of that up you end it
whenever there is awkwardness whenever
there's a point where it's not really
working out you just end the
conversation you say up man I'm sorry I
didn't mean to bother you you have a
nice day some of the examples of Gary
gave out earlier were and this is the
point where we ran out of stuff to say
call it out this is the point where we
have meaningless small talk okay cool
call it out no big deal you're getting
comfortable with being you let's say you
go into someplace and you give docks
favorite line those cakes really look
good and the person at the cake counter
the cavi counter says yeah man we make
them fresh apples my favorite you know
what
you looking at and you're just not
prepared to have that conversation the
anxiety comes in you're like oh my God
Jesus Christ you just say all right
that's good to know have a nice day and
we just ended no big deal okay it cuts
the conversation and why are we doing
that not to have power not to be some
social badass but why because there is
power that comes from us there's power
that comes from you there's something
that is worth being seen in you that you
are unaware of at the moment and you
need to learn to express it ending it
allows you to get in touch with that
it's not because you ended it and you're
better than them but it's because that
you were able to halt the anxiety halt
the fear halt the oh my god I did
nothing and say wait a minute I did
something I'm in control of myself and
of my expression all right we're going
to get into this get comfortable thing
and that actually has a lot of meaning
but before that we are going to well
actually you know what we're not going
to pause so here of being social there's
these things right we got the
environment we got the be social actions
and we got to pick up on those the be
social actions are really endless but
what's the most important thing about
this is we don't have anxiety when we're
going out and talking to people okay the
key to any phobia the key to any hard
core belief that is really really like
stressing you out and you up and
like causing you to not be yourself
causing you to be putting a point of
stress where you cannot function and be
who you are think about what you want to
think about God conversations to where
they're you know fun and exciting and
all these things of what people are
supposed to have and it just man it
like it it disempowers us it
makes us not us is we need to get
comfortable with this this is a
long-term thing these beliefs you've had
all your life or for a long period of
your life maybe not all your life but
long period and so we need things that
are going to help
keep those in line all right we were
talking about this a little bit earlier
but the key to long-term change has a
few components that are almost always
there all right number one there's a
deeper meaning and purpose to it this is
not just to pick up chicks this is not
just to get the result this is not just
to look good to people who care about
whatever all that stuff you know I'm
working on something right now and I
care about all that I'm like man I'm
going to do good today I'm going to do
better than I did yesterday blah blah
blah blah but what's the deeper meaning
and purpose the deeper meaning and
purpose to all of this is that we can
get control over our social lives and
feel good about it and feel so
good about it that we know that this
isn't just some result of stupid
superficial this is about the best
friends we're going to make in our life
the people that were going to fall in
love with the people who are going to
have adventures with and the people that
are going to define our entire social
network for the rest of our lives that
is one of the most important things and
that's you this is also about the
purpose that you have power inside you
you have a great thing inside you that
the whole world should see you may not
think that you might be going oh my god
but I pissed my pants in the fifth
grader you don't know what I did to my
sister or my parents or my ex-wife or
whatever blah blah that man there
is some expression that you have that's
awesome and the world needs to see it
you don't have a sex drive just to have
a sex drive you don't have the urge to
be social just because like you know
there's some I don't know weird
I don't know God hierarchy of human
needs you have that because of
expression and it's great man and you
should all right there's a reason why
dreams mean something to you but there's
also this fear that makes you say I
can't do them there's a deeper meaning
and purpose behind this and that's
fundamentally important all right and so
that's what's behind this you also need
community and fellowship this is huge if
you're not a part of a community of
people who have done more than you are
at the same place as you and
done less than you it's not going to
work everybody needs to interact we're
all the same place we all have the same
purpose of you know being social today
and expressing ourselves but there's
going to be people that have more
experience that I'm going to listen to
there's going to be people who have less
experience that I'm going to listen to
because there's a lesson in the whole
gamut of change and interaction and
nobody nobody can make true true change
without community and fellowship you see
with any level of greatness sports
martial arts self-help whatever like
community is huge that has to happen
makes things so much easier all right
and it also has to be calm and it has to
be normal all right it has to be a part
of what you can do every day and not
exaggerating or extravagant at some
point it comes down to feeling at some
point it comes down to you just sitting
around with who you like to sit around
with at some point it comes down to this
just average thing that the Sun comes up
and this is how I live my day a man it's
a beautiful thing unfortunately
I don't have time to get into all of
these like getting comfortable things
because I gotta go but let's do this
let's pause the recording and open it up
for what you guys have to say about all
this stuff
you



...............


okay so this is a first question from
our TSL members Q and a call on sunday
january 10th whoo and we're in the
middle of a workshop so it's crazy like
there's a lot of lack of sleep going on
and crazy family stuff so let me just
make those excuses right now um but uh
here's the thing we got a question and
this is kind of a common popular
question and there's a lot of things
that we're like any company is going to
have its own philosophy and those types
of things so and I realize a lot of the
guys who are on the membership site
might have a lot of different things
playing Adam and I don't want to make
this about right or wrong what I want to
make this about is how we can get those
specific results for you but we are
going to have to learn a little bit of
the language that you know we're coming
from here so it's basically like hey
guys you know I want to master my day
game I find myself having lots of
excuses of not doing approaches during
the day but that's probably because of
the anxiety thing you know that's
something that everybody goes through
super common I know how to get over it
and manage it by bringing awareness to
my body and but if there's any tips to
motivate me to commit to my skill set so
there's a couple things and then I went
on to ask a couple questions like what
you know what is your goal of a you know
day game like what do you want from that
like what really is the end goal and
where do you see yourself going with it
the other thing that I asked is like how
do you manage that anxiety within your
body because there's a lot of different
ways of saying it and social anxiety and
approach anxiety are two different
things and the pickup industry has had
like basically one answer or two answers
to it but with 40 different versions and
you know it whatever I I think that it
has always fallen short on answering or
really solving those things so basically
the first thing is is like our goal of
meeting people should not be and this is
where it's at ESL philosophy thing we
want to step away from Devon
enid into these compartmentalize things
of basically like is this day game am I
going to get the approach am I going to
get the technique am I going to get the
measured skill now everybody who's doing
this is like will holy dude how am
I going to get results without measuring
you know these things are how am I going
to get results without marrying myself
to a technique see the thing is is that
you know we're born to be social all
that sort of stuff you've heard me say
before so the idea is is that if we can
get a social mode and I'm not talking
about like being and state rsd style or
anything like that but if we can really
Express like just be our expression be
who we are in broadcast that out to the
world and have people reciprocate with
it technique then has a whole different
meaning of leverage so for instance you
know we're in the middle of a workshop
and basically one of the guys or both of
the guys who are out with me this
weekend you know it's like how can we
just get talking to people and meet
people without any pressure and it's
it's kind of cool because Nick Nick
sparks who also lives in Austin and we
like help each other out with different
workshops and stuff but one of the key
overlapping things that we always do is
it's like man look let's just talk to
people don't do things which are fake
don't do things which are not you don't
do like social pressure exercises to
pump yourself up but just casually talk
to the two people where you're going to
get a real expression man woman girl who
you're not interested in person who's
whatever you know low value high value
and when we can get into that mode then
we can relax and that is actually the
best way to ease any anxiety anxiety by
default and definition is the fear of
what is not known and the more we have
to prove ourselves the more we have to
do something or execute in action then
by default we have to have that anxiety
and I actually don't know any seduction
teachers that don't develop more anxiety
as they get into this because they you
know it's kind of like we buy our own
myself included it's like I'm
going to do this technique I'm so good
at it if that pressure is always on me I
can't be social and free and to be
honest there aren't any measurements of
being social in the nature of being
social and the nature of being sexual
I'll bring it back down and not go
too far often do those things so
basically the the deal is is that our
philosophy is like we want to get
talking to people and not make it a big
deal so that when we see a hot chick or
we see somebody that we want to talk to
we might be intimidated by we can walk
in with an expression and not a
distortion the other thing too is that
doesn't mean that you can't practice the
different social anxiety things that you
might have or approach anxiety things
that you might have of getting in touch
with your body but realize that the only
thing that will ever make a difference
to you calming that or having a grip or
an awareness on that is to be social to
be your expression okay that is the only
thing that will help everything else is
a band-aid everything else has a
reaction that comes to it and it won't
stabilized so that's really what we
preach is like how can I make being
social normal how can I make whatever it
might be you know meditating normal how
can I not have it be dependent on being
a big deal in order to get a result or
share something along those lines with
it so in daytime all that says to me is
it's a situation and it's a situation
that has lower energy which is like
ninety percent of how you're going to
meet people a club is high stimuli so
bar is actually but I would say
generally low stimuli there's not a lot
going on there's not a lot of different
distractions there's not a lot of crazy
choices there's not something where are
like sympathetic nervous system is just
being hammered with like you
know music or gunshots or ten other
people trying to talk to him that's high
stimuli so in daytime it's low stimuli
so all you really need this is actually
another thing that came from our
workshop this weekend while working with
these guys is it just kind of came down
to the simple thing like how can I get
somebody to pay attention to me for 15
seconds now what I mean by that is I
would put my money on and again this
comes from teaching this comes from my
own experience this comes from my
friends who
are just also really good with women i
would put all my money on somebody being
able to get somebody to pay attention to
them for 15 seconds to create the
situation of somebody to just listen to
them and talk to them for 15 seconds
then a specific technique that was so
married to like all right I'm going to
do an opinion opener okay that can work
I'm not saying it's bad I do them all
the time I'm going to hit with a you
know like a really shocking thing and
calm it down I do that too I did it
yesterday but in that's fine that can
work but if we marry ourselves to that
technique we get away from the truth of
being social and that's like I mean
that's why everybody goes in a big
circle would pick up and yada yada yada
okay so how can we get that thing that
that situation that situation that's
really going to make it work of somebody
to pay attention to me for basically
long enough for them to calm down okay
and so this is what happens anybody
approaches and they say like hey excuse
me you're really beautiful let me talk
to you and this is like it's like be
direct as an act so you're really not
being direct like direct game is such a
is such a distortion and people who
practice it or generally like lost you
know fake dudes and that's kind of
what's happened but you can be direct as
a technique or you can be direct as
being yourself and they're two different
things being directors yourself means
that you're that way in every way so you
can approach and be direct by you know
the pickup terminology of none like
you're so beautiful or you can approach
and you could say like hey I just wanted
to talk to you you know I actually have
a question and it has to do with the
tract of women you whatever it is like
you could do whatever you need to do to
get that conversation to happen okay but
here's what happens within two seconds
of that and this is what nobody looks at
okay she is going to be startled for a
second and then she needs to relax so if
we know that's going to happen then we
could start implementing techniques like
buffers okay so this is one of the
things that I was saying to the guys
that I was working with last night was
like we'll just go up and say whatever
there was a pretty funny stuff like one
was there was a couple that looked like
they were breaking up and it was it was
basically like well I'm gonna go in like
what do I say you know and then we
really thought about this like just as
kind of a funny little thing and I god
dude it was like hey you can I'm gonna
ask you something you can answer this if
you don't want to but it looks like
you're having a really really intense
conversation okay so at the point of hey
like an interrupt that's it just the hey
what does this guy do he adds a buffer
hey you know you don't have to answer
this if you don't want to but you guys
looked like you were having a really
intense conversation and like I was just
curious what's going on and they
actually didn't answer the question but
this is the the key social dynamic part
that will always happen hey wait why is
this guy talking to me hey let's calm us
down hey what what is he coming up and
saying to me like and then you know the
dude went in and said like look you
don't have to answer this if you don't
want to the other thing was is the guy
one of the clients of mine said one of
the things that will do is like if you
ever talked like waitresses or strippers
or any hired gun also what do you want
to know about them and I really want to
know what you want to know so if I ever
ask you that it's like I want you to
tell me like I want to know if she liked
is sexually attracted me man up
and actually say that but that wasn't
the case it was like I want to know why
she doesn't shave her belly hair like
anytime you're nitpicking at like one
singular quality that gets in the way of
your sex life means you're not having
sex and you're in a judgmental
mode and not in a social empathetic mode
or asexual mode of exchanging intent so
anyway it was like okay how do we ask
that it's going to hit her in the face
so literally the first thing I said to
her was like hey I want to ask you this
and like it may offend you but i'm not
meaning in that way so you ready that's
a buffer okay another thing that might
happen if I'm thinking about
like last night and the prior nights
before you up to somebody and you see
like hey I got a question for you guys
an opinion opener right or whatever you
want to talk or an indirect open or
whatever you want to say what's going to
happen immediately after that is you're
going to give a buffer if you look at
old school pickup like hey I got a
question for you guys and then they do a
false time constraint essentially the
same thing to lower the guard if you go
direct and say look you are just really
really beautiful and you know at the
moment of saying that the girl is
thinking like oh my god and being hit on
like wait a minute what's this guy
saying I'm half taking it back like the
original direct stuff with shark and bad
boy was like you're the most beautiful
woman in the world and you give your
presence you say stop and yada yada yada
and um then you would back off and say
like well what is your name or where are
you from and you to ask AFC questions
but even in a modern day game you'd say
like look you are really beautiful I had
to talk to you and then you buffer it
okay so social dynamics was that would
be the first thing that I would do to
get that 10 to 15 sick second window of
somebody paying attention to you and
here's literally it if you get that 10
to 15 second window in it I wouldn't
necessarily think about the time I just
throw that out there because that's
generally what it is it's really as soon
as she relaxes then you can move
directly to qualifiers okay and what I
would say is move to reports I khals
which is at ESL thing which you have if
you're on the membership site you can
look at the formula 69 video 3 and 4 and
i believe 9 and yes I mean the instant
connection course like you should be
doing those to get that they're all
available and there for you so a rapport
cycle is basically you start off with a
qualifier and move to a ground and then
you continue to challenge them with that
and the goal is not to challenge them or
have more value or whatever but it's
actually to build a connection from it
and it's literally like the quickest and
fastest way to to to get report
instantly with somebody especially if
you're in a low stimuli setting hen
a daytime and you can of course do it in
a high stimuli setting to you just need
isolation it's just in daytime or you
generally have isolation built into it
and then if you wanted to have a date
it's going to happen again it's a social
dynamic point it's going to happen right
here as soon as she shows her real self
and this is actually interesting when we
were talking to the waitress yesterday I
was talking to one of the clients left
which you should never do but I mean he
had a legitimate thing that he had to do
after an hour and a half but I'm like he
left before it got good so one of the
things that the the client who remained
and then another guy helping me out what
had happened was she opened up and me
and my friend Noah we we caught it it's
like oh man she's open like and
Noah's like just the guy that's good
with chicks and he's like yeah you know
now's where you'd make the move to like
this is where I you know get her number
see if we could hang out okay in the guy
who was working with you know is looking
through the template of TSL in the
structure of social dynamics and so
basically the thing is there is I was
asking him and plus he's a very
technical guy and he may not be as good
at reading people his myself and Noah
who know a ton of experience but
basically I it was like what is that
point what is that point all it is is
she showed her real self and allowed for
you to look at it you know to assess it
to judge it and so you're like what the
is that okay what is that and it
happens very quick in a conversation it
will happen very very quick so you have
to be able to read that so a lot of
times in pickup we look at qualifiers
like what are you passionate about and
if they answer it they've given
something to us but a lot of times you
say what are you passionate about and
they you know say well music but it's
not really them saying it so you have to
be up to learn to read it you know it's
like what are you passionate about man
music well what does that mean I mean
like I love music too but when has it
changed you what is it really meant for
you and when they can start being
themselves and talking about that truly
expressing it
that is the point where you switch to
intent okay so it's a lot of here
first social anxiety what we want to do
is is our whole goal for social anxiety
is not a trick it's to be social if it
does not get there it will not be solved
there's a reaction that will come to
adversely affect it in some way whether
that's a social pressure exercise of
freedom exercise whether that's like you
know like I'm feeling anxiety so I'm
going to do this to mask it beat it
defeat it it will always come back okay
because it's a form of control alright a
force of nature cannot be contained in
control so all this like science and
philosophy or whatever you can go to I
mean like nature does not need science
when you put boundaries around nature it
will break it you know a man need
science to understand nature and so on
yada yada yada there's all these TSL
philosophy things right so you have to
be social number two is is the most
important thing that you can get in any
daytime situation to have it carry over
into either rapport or seduction and
those are the only two options are going
to be or friendship which is rapport
essentially but in a seduction mode it's
rapport or seduction that's really the
only two veins that it would go is that
with rapport actually either of them you
need that 10 to 15 second point where
they can allow themselves to be them
okay so that's that's kind of simple
whereas it's like that's all I'm looking
for I don't care what technique you use
to get there but that's the point you
need for them to relax and within that
they're going to be surprised or open
but either way that's a reaction and
that needs to calm down okay so one of
the techniques that we talked about was
a buffer but there's all sorts of
ok not one's not better than the other
it's how do we get that result ok after
that 10 to 15 seconds which is quite
quick and it could go quicker than that
how do we get them to show their real
self probably the best technique that I
know to teach verbally would be reports
I clean there's other body language
stuff you could do this touching stuff
you could do I don't give a
actually I don't
care what is the quickest way I can get
them to show their real self okay in any
part of it it could be the sexual side
it could be their emotional side it
could be whatever but how do I get them
to show their real self and at that
point once that happens then I can move
direction and intent and what direction
in intent means is that where it
switches to seduction well that's where
it says it switches to like wow you know
this is somebody that I'm not going to
sleep with or maybe I'm going to be
friends with like man how can we talk
later how can you know we continue this
relationship so that that's very simple
and that could take two minutes that
could take two hours yesterday with the
waitress like I was saying it's probably
about an hour and a half but that's also
because it's a waitress and there's a
lot going on but of actual talking time
Samson I recorded it so you can actually
if you want to splice that up but it
wasn't all that entertaining but it was
probably like ten minutes of
conversation how can we get to you know
the get social so we're not anxious you
know we're flowing or we're happening
how can then we get to that 10 to 15
second interaction so that they're calm
and then what what can we use to get
them to show the real self you know and
then how can once they show the real
self we move that into directed report
or direction in or intent and that is
the social dynamic it's very simple and
very easy get to those points and that
will actually get your results what I
will say is with all the experience that
of teaching in this industry those are
also going to point out you're sticking
points as well anxiety you know you
might be opening people the anxiety and
accomplishing the 10 to 15 second thing
but it's like that's a sticking point
the getting somebody to pay attention to
you that's a sticking point and then
it's like conversation banter rapport
techniques conversation building skills
like whatever whatever its
packaging around that's a sticking point
and then moving to intent moving to
being able to say something that's a
sticking point and actually as I brought
up with direct game guys this is the
this is a
most awesome retarded thing that
all of them consistently run into I'm
going to be direct to open somebody but
I'm not going to be directed any point
in my life five minutes later literally
or maybe because they're dancing around
it so much with technique the you know
it like 20 minutes later two hours later
they don't know how to be direct to use
direction and intent the right ways
whereas the guys that I know that are
just more naturally good with women or
have had guys that I know have had a lot
of sex that's it when you've a
lot like you get it they all get this oh
she's good to go hey let's go here oh
like she showed this about me she
wants to get laid let's make the
situation happen alright and so that's
one of the things that you got to look
for the real point is like once they the
real game of meeting people gets played
in this area where it's like they showed
their real self what do I have to do
with it ok I know that was a lot of
stuff sorry I talk a lot but um let's
pause here and see if you have any
follow-up questions because there were a
lot of things and of course the more
specific you can make it to you the
better advice I'll be able to give