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  1. hwy cant i be friends with who i want to be friends with allyson and mom are both
  2. cunt bitches fuck them i hate both of you i hate you so much i want to shoot both
  3. of you in the head a million times and i worked hard on my gift i worked so hard i just
  4. wnated it to be a nice jesture but you are all making it something more you are making
  5. it something that it isnt why cant i love somebody without being in love with them
  6. why cant i be friends witih some peopel and friens with other people it odesnt make sense
  7. to me
  8. i just wante to send my gift but why cand i do that everybody makes it something
  9. that it sint andrew you asshole fuck why cant you say these things to her i am so
  10. angry with you that you bend even though it is more important you bend so easily and
  11. i said that i woulkdnt abandon you and here you are abandoning me like a piece of trash
  12. you arent even sorry you stupid asshole fuck why cant i be your friend that is all i wanted
  13. you pried all this dumb stuff out of me and you made me think that we could be friends
  14. and you made me belived that we could be friends and you lied to me you are a fucking
  15. liar you hurt me so badly i told you everything i spilled my guts to you and now
  16. i want to spioll my guts for real i want to drink all the chemicals under the sink and
  17. i want to swallow all of the pills in the house and i want to watch myself in the mirror
  18. and blood is dripping out my my mouth and nostrisl and i hope everybody feels aful for
  19. what they did to me
  20. i am tired of living with my compulsions and living everyday with no
  21. hope and not wanting to be alife anymore why does anybody live this waywhy dpesnt everybody
  22. commit suicede and kill themselves what is the point of living even i cant see it now
  23. a days everyday i hvae to wake up a dnt live a life that i dont even want to live anymore
  24. what is the ppint waht is the point what is the point i dont see the point i don t know
  25. what it feels like be to be better i dont know what not being upset feels like every day
  26. i am upset and crying and this is notte way that i want wnat to live anymore i dont feel any
  27. thing except paitn averything hurts me everything is hurting me i just want it to stop
  28. eveyhhing hruts me and i am so upset i cannot even write this note witheout having to stop
  29. and pace what is wrong with me why amd i the oen who has to dealw tih this it isnt fair
  30. why isnt likfe fair to me i am so selfish i dont care i am upset with everybdoy espeically
  31. myself because i caised myself all this pain i am the one who is to blame not everybody else
  32. but it odenst matter because i am so selfish i am so selfish i want to kill everybody who has
  33. every hurt me i wantt everybody else to suffer this way nobody udnerstans what this pain
  34. is about i lived in a fantasty world where i could do what i wanted and i thought that
  35. i wouldnt be judged and i see that this worls doesnt exist
  36. i have to live in this world forever where everybopdye has a judgined eye on me and where
  37. everywhere i go all of my moves are scrutinizedi will always feel watched in my head
  38. even if nobody is watching me i will always feel eys ion my back everybofy is watching me and
  39. i cant get any escape from myself that is all i want i want i want escape from myself
  40. i want to be anybody else anybody else at all anbydoy but me but i am stuck being me i cant
  41. escae myself unless i kill myslef that is the only way i can get away from me becuase as
  42. long as i am alive i have a ball and chain tied aroudn my ankle and its tied to my my own
  43. self the person i aht ethe most in the world i wnat to get away from her courtney is so mean
  44. to me i am not her she has stolen my itentidty and i want to be courtney again but i cant
  45. because my body is stolen from me and i cant get it back that bitch stole it from me
  46. i have no life because she is a theif she took it from me she isnt courtney i am courtney
  47. i just want to be loved by everybody and i dont want to hate anybody i just want people
  48. to love me why cant i escape myself everything is so painful i dotn want to be me anymore
  49. anybody but me please i want to be anybody but me i cant watch my beautiful world go away
  50. i cant go somewher else i want to live in peace but everyday everybody seems meaner and
  51. less like people to me or i feel less like the person i am something else i feel so distant
  52. from all the people i am not a person i dont know what i am. i look like a person on
  53. the outside but inside i am something different everywday is more pain and more seperation
  54. and less person and everyday is less person i am so less than a person every day it never
  55. gets easir it only gets harder everytiem that something good happens to me somebody has to
  56. steal it from me my friends are all stolen from em and my family is stolen from em and my
  57. body is stolen fro mme i dont want to be me anymore all of thes e things are stolen from
  58. me and people dont want to be aroud me because etey can see im not  a person like them they
  59. all say behind my back that courtney is something different we can see it she is not normal
  60. there is soemthing wrong with her who can read this note except me nobody will unless i am already
  61. dead  i hav enboody left to to turn to there is nobody left how come i cant be a person like
  62. everybody else how come my head hurts so badly and my arms are numb and my head is pounding i
  63. just want eberybthing to stop i cant stop shaking and my whoekl body is so cold everything is so
  64. cold except my head my head is red hot on fire eveyrthing is on fire in my headthis house is so
  65. cold everything is so cold i want to die an descape this heat and this cold and thsi me ive
  66. never felt this way before this feeling is so strange and foreign it is hard to type because
  67. i am shaking so bad and it feels like it feels when i am very sick thats what it feel sliek i need
  68. medicine riht now but there is no medicine i think i have a fever but i dont have a fever
  69. mesuruer i dont know the name of them right now i cant thing of anyting except to keep
  70. writing but who is going to read my note. i am so pathetic the onyl place i have to pst
  71. this is a pokemon website how pathetic am i why cant i be a normal person why cant i be a
  72. person i want everybody to read this everything hurts and everybody can read it and understand
  73. but not udnerstand nobody can ever understand what it fels like i am in so mucn emotial pant but not
  74. just emotial pain it is also physical now my head hruts and i am shaking so badly eerything is
  75. so cold why is everythign so cold i turne dup the heat in the house but nothig is getting warmer
  76. nothing can comfort me i want to talk to stomebody but i have nobody left to turn to
  77. kylie you were my best friend but now i canont turn to you either you have turned me away
  78. like everybody else has turned me away i have novody left now i am totally alone now
  79. i have me to rely on and nobody else now because now that everybody knows i am jut a problem
  80. i am not a person a problem a problem only i have no feelings i am just a problem a big problem
  81. i am tired of being a problem to everybody what is the poitn even of still living after
  82. you have been abandoned by everybody who am i livign for i am not living for me so
  83. who am i living for deos anybody even care about me i wonder, i made such a
  84. stupid fucking mistake i put all my emotioanl chips in you andrew and you let me down
  85. you dropped me like a rock like a sack oif garbage that ia m you dropped me like every
  86. body else has ever done you arente differnte i am so stupid for thinking you were i told you
  87. everyting i trusted you and now i am being handcuffed for doing nothing all this red tape is all
  88. around ems aying waht i can and cannot do and who i can and cannot see and what i can and
  89. cannot think and what i can and cannot feel and what i can and cannot eat and what ic an and
  90. cannot read and what i can and cannot understand
  91. who can i turn to now i have nobody except myself and i cannot support me anymore
  92. everybody i tell cannot help me kylie you do not understand you dismiss me andrew you are gone
  93. now to me our friendship is too taboo that is what sucks to me and nobody can understand what
  94. this attatchment even is a told you first and you helped me and now you are a big blur
  95. in the distance now who are you i dont know i put all my money on you you were the hope
  96. and now i have nobody to put my money on
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